


The Face of a Secret - Part One

by SooperChicken



Series: Harry Potter: The Face of a Secret [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: ... maybe, Angst, Animagus, Animal Transformation, Attempt at Humor, Aurors, Best Friends, Canon Timeline, Canon Universe, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Childbirth, Childhood Friends, Dark, Death, Dreams and Nightmares, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fantasy, First Kiss, First Time, First War with Voldemort, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Heartbreak, Hippogriffs, Hogwarts, Magic, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Ministry of Magic (Harry Potter), Minor Character Death, Minor Original Character(s), Non-canonical elements, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Original Mythology, Out of Character, Pain, Peril, Reader-Insert, Violence, Visions, Witchcraft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:55:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 47
Words: 300,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22411357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SooperChicken/pseuds/SooperChicken
Summary: A talented and very powerful young witch arrives at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in September 1971, and quickly becomes friends with Lily Evans and her childhood friend, Severus Snape.Follow her story as she goes from a diligent student to an unflinching adversary of Lord Voldemort, making many friends along the way and nurturing her powers over the years.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Severus Snape/Original Female Character(s), Severus Snape/Reader, Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Reader
Series: Harry Potter: The Face of a Secret [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1612900
Comments: 182
Kudos: 334





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, readers!
> 
> So, you have been kind enough to click on my first Harry Potter fanfiction. Thank you! I hope it is to your liking. A few words before you dive in, though, if I may ...
> 
> I worked on this story for over a year, so a lot of love went into it and it is my baby. If there is anything content-wise that you do not approve of, are uncomfortable with or otherwise do not like, please may I respectfully request that you stop reading. 
> 
> Of course, I am always open to constructive comments and welcome them but please be kind. I’m not a professional author, so there may be things I’ve missed or perhaps the odd grammar mistake (although I edited extensively, sometimes things do pass under the radar).
> 
> Secondly, this is, as you can probably see from the stats on this thing, a very long story. I made it this way because there are a lot of relationships to build on and some of them just felt wrong to rush. And if anyone wonders later on, yes, there are supposed to be a lot of similarities between your character and Harry himself. I hope you don’t get bored, but if you’re just interested in some of the ... juicier bits, I’m not sure exactly which chapters they’re in but you’ll want the part of the timeline where you and the other characters are in 6th year onwards.
> 
> Lastly, I’m fairly sure that while I can now count myself as a fully-fledged Potterhead (ask my family, I’ve been driving them nuts), I may have missed certain canonical events and my understanding of certain magical concepts might be slightly off, so please forgive me. I tried really hard with this, and it’s only Part 1, so there’s more to come!
> 
> In short, I really do hope you enjoy this story, which is basically just a 47-chapter-long Reader Appreciation Rodeo - it’s not quite all about the reader, but your character will be flattered quite a lot.
> 
> Thank you for taking the time to read my insecure intro, and much love!
> 
> \- SooperChicken
> 
> DISCLAIMER: All rights go to J.K Rowling, and the only things I claim as my own are the obvious original characters and the non-canonical plot. Everything else belongs to the great lady!

Mrs Castor woke at approximately a quarter to midnight, as she had almost every night for the last six weeks. Her baby cried in the Moses basket beside her bed, but it was unlike the crying of any other child she’d heard. It was more of a sob, a noise that could only be made by a sad little creature …

Mrs Castor fancied that, even at six weeks old, her little girl knew that her father had had to go away. She knew that she missed him, even without really knowing him.

As she slipped out of bed, moving to scoop the child into her arms to soothe her, Mrs Castor felt the coldness of the room crashing over her body like the sudden pangs of loneliness that swept in every now and again. How she missed her husband … but she knew that his absence was vital.

She gently bobbed up and down with the tiny girl in her arms, delicately jigging her until her cries turned to soft gurgles and finally a peaceful silence. The mother looked to her child to see her gazing up with the biggest, most loving eyes one could imagine, a small, pudgy hand raised to her wet, pink lips ready to gum in contentment.

Smiling, Mrs Castor sat with her baby in the large bay window, peering deep into the night sky beyond. Stars of various sizes winked back at her, glittering happily as they always did. For this reason, Mrs Castor hardly ever drew the curtains at night. On the nights where a bright full moon could be seen, the room was bathed in an eerie yet strangely comforting white glow. Tonight, however, was quite dark.

Soon enough, her daughter was sleeping soundly in her arms. It would not be as difficult to place her back in her own bed, now. Craning her neck down to tenderly kiss the child on the forehead, Mrs Castor whispered, “Sweet dreams, little fairy,” before tucking her into the cradle.

The quiet, elegant woman decided that, since it was rather late, she would go back to bed herself. However, sitting upright in bed with the duvet pulled up to her waist, Mrs Castor looked to her bedside table and picked up the equally elegant, twisted chestnut wand sat upon the bedside table. Balancing the implement delicately between her index and middle fingers and thumb, she gave a little flick of her wrist and summoned to her person an already steaming hot cup of tea.

With her favourite pillow plump and propped up behind her, Mrs Castor snuggled into bed as best she could, sipping the hot liquid while blanketing the slumbering child next to her with adoration, simply by looking at her.

She knew that it mattered not the length of the night, she would always find peace and comfort in the presence of that tiny baby girl, and she continued to remind herself of this until slowly but surely, her eyes grew heavy with sleep.

***

“(F/N) Castor, where have you been? It is well past teatime!”

The little girl looked up at the strict-looking woman standing before her, with her hands on her hips and wearing an apron covered with flour. The hallway seemed so much smaller with her aunt towering over her.

“I’m sorry Auntie Beth …” she said in a small voice. “I was out playing with Eddie, and he said he found a badger sett just the other side of the weir, so we went to have a look and lost track of time …”

Auntie Beth couldn’t stay cross with her niece for very long. Her kind eyes, once narrowed sternly, now crinkled at the corners with a loving smile.

“Did you really?” she asked with enthusiasm, ushering the little girl through to the kitchen with a floury hand on her tiny shoulder. “What, the weir in the woods behind Mrs Tanner’s house?”

Auntie Beth knew precisely which weir. There was only one, completely natural, and made for a nice, shallow crossing over the river. It was mid-September, so she wasn’t too concerned about the height of the water yet, but her niece was only seven years old …

“Yes, Auntie!” said (F/N) excitedly, bobbed (H/C) locks bouncing as she clambered into her seat at the kitchen table. Auntie Beth smiled encouragingly, having forgotten her worries from moments ago, wanting to hear all about (F/N)’s adventure. Auntie Beth set a plate with a halved, buttered and jammed scone down in front of her niece while she babbled excitedly away, telling her how Eddie said he’d never seen a badger before and then, as if by magic, a little black-and-white nose came snuffling out of the big hole in the ground. And _that_ , she said, was how she knew it was getting late.

Auntie Beth smiled as she did the washing up. The oven was on, as was the stove, and something delicious was cooking for dinner. The sky was now orange with the setting sun, and soon it would be dark. She knew that (F/N) was a capable girl, but she didn’t like the thought of her being out at twilight. There were all sorts of things that could dwell in the countryside surrounding their village …

When she had finished her scone, her aunt gave her a glass of milk to sit in front of the fire with while she got dinner ready, because she hadn’t wanted to start while her niece was still outside. When Auntie Beth decided that (F/N) had been quiet for quite some time, she popped her head round the door of the living-room, only to find the girl sitting cross-legged in front of the hearth with a large book spread open in her lap and her glass of milk sitting nearby atop a coaster on the coffee table.

She smiled before returning to the kitchen.

The girl was just like her father and Auntie Beth knew precisely what to expect in the coming years. She was kind like him, and studious, and most certainly exhibited the same taste for adventure as he did.

Soon, the girl’s wild imagination (she always talked about magic, spinning incredible tales of magical creatures and equally magical people) would be rewarded with a truth that could not be locked away forever.


	2. Chapter 2

It turned out that Auntie Beth couldn’t keep secrets from little (F/N) much longer. It only took another couple of months before the girl realised that the things that seemed to happen around her by accident, those tiny little things that seemed like magic, really were just that. Both aunt and niece had been delighted.

“But you mustn’t go showing off in front of Eddie,” said Auntie Beth with a hint of warning in her voice. “Or anyone else for that matter. It’s best if you keep quiet about it …” In truth, Auntie Beth was very pleased indeed about her niece’s newfound abilities. Of course, she had always known that (F/N) had been born a witch …

“Why not?” asked (F/N) with disappointment evident on her elfin face. It was nearly Christmas, and she wanted to magic up a special Christmas present for Eddie, who was her best friend. She didn’t know what she would conjure for him _yet_ , but she was sure she’d think of something.

“Because people might get jealous,” said Auntie Beth gently. She knew what the sentiments of the other villagers would be, and that those of (F/N)’s schoolmates would be the same. She wished only to spare her beloved niece the heartbreak of being an outcast for her spectacular talents.

After all, she had seen it happen to (F/N)’s parents.

“Oh …” (F/N) looked crestfallen. Suddenly having magical powers like the characters in those stories her aunt told her at bedtime didn’t seem so wonderful. (F/N) had always loved a book called “The Tales of Beedle the Bard”, which her aunt had told her once belonged to (F/N)’s father. It always prompted (F/N) to ask about him, and Auntie Beth would always regale her with an extra story about his adventures.

They were nearly always about how mischievous he was, just like (F/N), and Auntie Beth had a very special way of telling the stories, so they would make (F/N) laugh.

“My dad sounds like a very funny man,” (F/N) would often giggle. “Tell me another one!”

“Maybe tomorrow,” Auntie Beth would tell her before kissing her goodnight, a light peck on the forehead. (F/N) was always content with that, for she knew she would dream of her father every night she heard a story about him – even if she didn’t know what he looked like. He was apparently very handsome with shining eyes and dark red hair, and he had loved (F/N) and her mother very, very much.

“But Auntie Beth,” (F/N) remembered calling out to her one night before she closed the door. “What about Mummy? Where did she go?”

Auntie Beth would only smile and say, “Why, she went with him on his journey, of course,”

(F/N) smiled, thinking back to when Auntie Beth had told her this, feeling the disappointment of not being able to show her friends her magic lifting from her heart. But the memory did make her wonder …

“Auntie Beth …?” asked (F/N) quietly. She stared at her aunt’s gingham-clad back as she continued kneading the dough for a fresh loaf of bread she was making.

“Yes, darling?”

“Was Mummy like Daddy and me?”

Auntie Beth paused for a moment, before unhanding the defenceless dough. She realised she had been kneading it a bit too hard, after all. She wiped her hands absentmindedly on her apron as she thought about her niece’s question, before turning to her and saying, “Yes, she was. And you will grow up to be even better than both of them put together!”

(F/N) looked up from where her eyes had wandered to the tartan tablecloth and saw that Auntie Beth was beaming widely. She smiled back. “Will I? Really?!”

“They always knew you would, and so did I,” she replied. (F/N) leapt down from the table and ran to give her aunt a hug, even though it meant getting covered in flour. Auntie Beth could not be cross with her for this, though. The girl was an affectionate little thing. Auntie Beth crouched down so as to hold her niece closer.

“Do you promise me, though, that you won’t tell your schoolmates about your magic?” she said, with her cheek pressed to the top of the girl’s head, feeling the silky hair against her skin.

“I promise, Auntie Beth,”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (F/I) = First Initial

It had been a few years since (F/N) found out about her magic, and she had been practicing at home every day since. Auntie Beth was very proud, although she insisted that despite (F/N)’s mother and father having been magical too, she herself was not blessed with such gifts.

It was as she thought about this, sitting in her armchair in the living-room before the fireplace, that her mind wandered once more to how particularly gifted her niece appeared to be. She remembered that the girl’s parents hadn’t even been as skilled at this age, or as keen to learn more.

Auntie Beth only regretted that she could not teach the child but had promised that one day quite soon she would find herself in a place where her abilities would be nurtured, and where she could grow with her power. (F/N) had been very excited to hear this.

“So, would it be like a school for magical children?” she had asked while almost bouncing with glee.

Auntie Beth looked up from her knitting and smiled. “As I understand it, yes,” she replied. “That was what your mum and dad said it was, anyway, when they wrote home and came back for holidays,”

(F/N) smiled brightly. She had been ten years old for what seemed like forever to her, and she wondered when she would find out if she could go to this magical place. Maybe when she and her schoolmates were due to go to senior school …

She didn’t dislike her current school. After all, she had a few friends there. None were closer to her than Eddie, though. He still didn’t know about her magic, but she worried that if she did end up having to go to a magic school like her mother and father then Eddie would forever wonder why she’d gone away.

“Can you tell me more about the school Mum and Dad went to?” (F/N) asked her aunt.

Auntie Beth looked at her with a little curiosity then. She had grown up a lot in the last couple of years, even though she was still only ten. Still, her eyes grew sad as she prepared to answer.

“No …” she said apologetically. “They only said it was a castle, up in Scotland. They never really said much else. I suppose it would have been a great secret for witches and wizards to keep from people like me,”

“People like you?”

“People who can’t do magic,”

“Oh …”

(F/N)’s mind was racing all the same. A castle? How exciting! She wondered if it was a very big castle. She imagined witches and wizards roaming the grounds and flying on broomsticks outside, like in all the storybooks she’d read. She wished she knew how to fly on a broomstick…

Auntie Beth seemed unperturbed again, her kindly face smooth and unwrinkled by her lack of worry. (F/N) was glad that having no magic didn’t upset her aunt. Maybe it was one of those ‘facts of life’ she sometimes talked about.

(F/N) wandered over to the bookcase as she often did and thought about trying to read one of the bigger tomes on the bottom shelf. She wanted to read something new, and different. They looked rather difficult, though.

Not one to back down from a challenge, (F/N) pulled out one of the large hardback books and hauled it over to where she would usually lie on the floor on her front. Even though she had her own armchair, (F/N) would often sit or lie at her aunt’s feet and leaf through the well-loved pages of one of the little house’s many books. She must have read nearly all of them, save the huge volumes inhabiting the seldom disturbed bottom shelf.

The cover was a very dark green, and the title was written in gold: “ _One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi”_ , it read. The book clearly hadn’t been read very many times because everything was still completely legible; only the edges of the pages were tinged slightly yellow with age, and probably a bit of dust.

The book was very interesting. It talked about all sorts of plants she had never heard of and uses for them she would never have come up with even in her wildest dreams. She read of _“_ _Alihotsy”_ – her favourite word so far. One that she had heard of before was dittany, but many of the others sounded made-up. Maybe they were found in faraway places …

“Oh, you’re reading one of your mother’s old schoolbooks,” Auntie Beth remarked, smiling down at her on the carpet. “I’m very impressed,”

“Mum had to carry _this_ around with her?” (F/N) gasped. She couldn’t believe it … Surely there must have been a smaller version of the book somewhere. Auntie Beth seemed to have read her mind.

“Not that one, no. This was a different edition, she said. But it has all the same stuff inside as the condensed version, apparently. I’m sure she would have been very proud of you, seeing you learning like this,”

(F/N) felt her chest, although pressed up against the hard floor, swell with pride to hear her aunt praising her so. “Then I’ll keep studying, and hopefully I’ll be as good as her one day,” She turned back to the book with a huge smile, sticking her nose back between the pages.

If she had looked at Auntie Beth then, she would have seen tears of happiness welling in her eyes. “I know you will be,” she heard her say.

Later that evening, Auntie Beth came to tuck (F/N) in and read her a bedtime story as usual. “Which one would you like?” she asked as she sat down gently on the edge of the bed.

(F/N) grinned and thought about it carefully. She had heard all five stories from her favourite book many, many times, but tonight she settled on _“The Fountain of Fair Fortune”_. She loved to hear about how Asha, Altheda and Amata went with Sir Luckless into the gardens surrounding the titular Fountain, and how they were all cured of their misfortunes without ever needing its magic … except of course for Sir Luckless, but (F/N) loved the ending most of all – Sir Luckless and Amata found love in each other, and that was a nice thing to have on the mind before going to sleep.

As Auntie Beth read to her, (F/N) felt her eyelids beginning to droop. Her eyelashes fluttered as she struggled to stay awake. The house was warm and the yellowish light coming from the landing was both familiar and comforting. It had a unique way of lulling her off to sleep when paired with her aunt’s soft storytelling voice.

Before she knew it, the story had ended, and she felt her aunt gently kissing her forehead as she did every night. (F/N) thought she must have fallen asleep briefly while Auntie Beth was talking. The last thing she remembered was the barely-audible click of the door as Auntie Beth closed it behind her.

That night she dreamed of strange things, but all of them magical. They had to be – they wouldn’t have existed anywhere else, would they? Glittering orbs of magic, like bubbles floating delicately in the air, but they too were filled with magic – shimmering, dancing, brightly-coloured sands held within the shiny spheres. There were animals, too. There was an animal that looked like a lion, only it was far more ferocious … if that was at all possible. There were dragons flying high in the cloudless twilight – dark but magnificent shapes wheeling about in the air. They did not breathe fire like one might have expected but seemed rather peaceful and went quietly about their business.

As the twilight drew closer to night, her dream took her to a wooded place, where the trees were not so thick that you couldn’t see your way through them. There was a gentle golden glow about the copse as fireflies waltzed about in the night air. (F/N) thought it more beautiful than anywhere she’d ever been before, and even more so when she saw what she believed to be fairies prancing just a little higher than the pale lavender, smudgy mist lingering above the softly whispering creek nearby. A light breeze rustled the midsummer leaves above her, swaying the rich green canopy to make it hiss like waves drawn over pebbles.

It was then that she felt the strangest thing, a warm, comforting sensation unlike any other, as she tried to get a closer look at the nymphs whirling about in their tiny, intricate dresses. Unable to turn around, but finding that she didn’t want to, (F/N) sensed somebody else’s approach. Their footfalls made hardly any sound at all as they trod silently through the summery forest carpet of grass, flowers and moss. Whoever it was, they never even snapped a twig underfoot.

Knowing that they were right there, right behind her, (F/N) still did not attempt to look back. Not out of fear, but more out of knowing that she was not supposed to see whoever stood at her back. Still, that person leaned forward and (F/N) felt them brush her soft hair away from her neck. Cool fingers tickled her skin for but a second, yet she knew her companion would not stop there. A sweet, calming scent wafted under her nose and enveloped her in her entirety, a scent she was unfamiliar with yet felt she remembered from a time long before.

Simply sensing that whoever was there was now leaning towards her, (F/N) still could not even see them out of the corner of her eye. They came nearer, leaning close to her right ear, and whispered, “Sweet dreams, little fairy …”

***

(F/N) awoke to sunlight streaming through the small gap in her light blue curtains and rubbed her bleary eyes. She looked all around her as soon as she was able for the welcoming trees and soft grass and woody smells of the forest, for the brightly-clad fairies and the soaring dragons and even for any sign that someone else had been there with her.

But there was nothing, and no one but her. Downstairs, she could hear Auntie Beth putting plates on the table. It was Saturday, and Auntie Beth always let (F/N) sleep in on Saturdays if she hadn’t already risen at the first sign of daybreak. She had always praised (F/N) on being so hardworking during the week, at school and even at home (she would always do her homework as soon as she got home and would then set about reading one of her parents’ old magic textbooks as though she couldn’t get enough of learning), that she insisted that her niece have a little more sleep over the weekend. Sundays were usually a little busier though, but only for the fact that (F/N) liked to help her aunt with baking and other such things.

Sliding out of bed, (F/N)’s bare feet connected with the carpet and she began padding around the room getting dressed and making her bed. She pulled back the curtains to see that it would be another beautiful day and reached up to open the window a crack to let the fresh morning breeze wash through the room. She brushed her hair in front of her small dressing table, an item that apparently used to belong to her mother, before making her way downstairs to see her aunt.

“Good morning, Auntie Beth,” said (F/N) with a cheerful smile.

“Oh, good morning, sweetheart!” replied Auntie Beth with a wide, beaming smile. “You’re up rather early,”

(F/N) glanced over at the clock on the wall. It was shaped like a dinner plate and decorated like one of the more ornate ones you could find (Auntie Beth had several), and its hands were a knife and a fork. (F/N) had always quite liked the kitchen clock – it reminded her of her beloved aunt’s quirkiness, and right now it told her that it was a quarter to nine.

She really had risen earlier than expected.

“I just wasn’t tired anymore,” (F/N) said with a carefree smile and shrug of her shoulders. “Can I help with anything?”

As soon as the words left her lips, there came the sound of the letterbox clattering down the hallway as the postman pushed Auntie Beth’s letters through. They fell onto the doormat with a soft, papery thud.

“Well now, wasn’t that good timing?” said Auntie Beth with an even wider grin. “Could you go and grab the post please, dear?”

(F/N) nodded and trotted down the hallway to fetch the letters as her aunt had requested. She never normally looked at what was written on the fronts of the envelopes, but as she slowly turned her back to the green-painted door there was a sudden clatter when another letter shot through. It came through the slat in the door with such force and speed that it kept on going until it met its first and only obstacle: the back of (F/N)’s right leg.

“Ow …” she hissed, reaching down to rub the back of her calf. It stung a little bit, and as she whirled around to look at what had struck her, she wondered if it had been enough to give her a papercut. Craning around to look at her leg and twisting it at an odd angle to try examining it, she concluded that there were no wounds.

“No harm done …” she muttered to herself, stooping down to collect the letter from the hallway floor. It was a very odd letter, with yellowish parchment that seemed heavier than most other papers and the address written on the envelope in emerald ink. It was _this_ letter that broke her good track record of not being nosy regarding her aunt’s letters. Only …

This letter wasn’t addressed to Auntie Beth. It was addressed to (F/N). It said so, right there on the front, plain as day. (F/N) wandered distractedly back into the kitchen, holding her aunt’s letters in one hand and placing them on the table, while scrutinising her own in her other hand with her sharp (E/C) eyes. Those eyes never missed a detail.

“What have you got there, poppet?” asked Auntie Beth, looking over curiously from the frying pan she supervised.

“A letter, Auntie …” said (F/N), unable to do anything but state the obvious. She was completely absorbed by what she held, turning it from front to back and reading the address over and over again. “It’s for me …”

“What does it say?” asked Auntie Beth with interest. She came no nearer, but (F/N) knew she had to keep an eye on the sausages she was cooking for breakfast. (F/N) looked at the front again and read aloud:

_Miss (F/I) Castor_

_The Second Bedroom_

_2 Oxlip Lane_

_Spindlewood Common_

_Devon_

(F/N) stared reverently at the deep green lettering, poring over each and every one until the image was thoroughly burned into her mind. She hadn’t noticed that her aunt was staring at her with bright, wide eyes. Auntie Beth had to remind herself not to let the sausages burn. She knew _exactly_ where that letter had come from … She had seen one just like it come through that letterbox for another little girl – her sister – many years ago.

“That must be your official letter … Your invitation,” whispered Auntie Beth, hardly daring to breathe out too hard in case she somehow shattered the tension only she appeared to be feeling. “Your mother had one when she was your age,”

Suddenly feeling the suspense herself, (F/N) wasted no time in peeling back the envelope (closed, she had taken note of several times, with a purple wax seal bearing a coat of arms with four animals and a large letter ‘H’ in the centre) to free the letter inside.

_HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY_

_Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore_

_(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc. Chf. Warlock,_

_Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)_

_Dear Miss Castor,_

_We are pleased to inform you that you have a place at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment._

_Term begins on 1 September. We await your owl by no later than 31 July._

_Yours sincerely,_

_Minerva McGonagall_

_Deputy Headmistress_

(F/N) read the letter aloud to her aunt, holding in her other hand a separate piece of paper which detailed the aforementioned books and equipment. This, she thought, she would read to Auntie Beth also.

_HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY_

_Uniform_

_First-year students will require:_

  1. _Three sets of plain work robes (black)_
  2. _One plain pointed hat (black) for day wear_
  3. _One pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)_
  4. _One winter cloak (black, silver fastenings)_



_Please note that all pupils’ clothes should carry name tags._

_Set Books_

_All students should have a copy of each of the following:_

_The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1) by Miranda Goshawk_

_A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot_

_Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling_

_A Beginner’s Guide to Transfiguration by Emeric Switch_

_One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi by Phyllida Spore_

_Magical Draughts and Potions by Arsenius Jigger_

_Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander_

_The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection by Quentin Trimble_

_Other Equipment_

_1 wand_

_1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)_

_1 set glass or crystal phials_

_1 telescope_

_1 set brass scales_

_Students may also bring an owl OR a cat OR a toad_

_PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT FIRST-YEARS ARE NOT ALLOWED THEIR OWN BROOMSTICKS_

“Goodness …” whispered (F/N). “This list is very … long. Auntie Beth … How am I supposed to buy all of these things? I haven’t any money, and I wouldn’t expect you to buy them for me …”

“Ah …” said Auntie Beth with a wily grin. “Worry not, my dear. I’ve waited many a long year for this day, when you would receive your letter just like your mum and dad. They knew what you would become, and left you a little something …”

(F/N) found it hard to believe that her aunt’s previous façade had simply cracked, just at the mere mention of her apparent lack of means to acquire her school supplies. But maybe she really had been waiting for this moment, to pleasantly surprise (F/N) when she raised the subject.

Auntie Beth turned the heat down on the stove, allowing the sausages to simmer in their juices for a few minutes, while she hastily wiped her hands on her apron and whisked out of the room, padding down the hallway in her fluffy pink slippers. (F/N) slid into her chair at the kitchen table, still poring over the letter while she waited for her aunt to return. When she did, she was holding yet another envelope. This one, however, was crisp and white, with ‘(F/N)’ written in elegant, swirling black handwriting.

Auntie Beth held it out to her. “Here you are, love,” she said kindly.

“What is it, Auntie?” asked (F/N) curiously. She felt an odd-shaped lump in the envelope as she took it and noticed that whatever it was made the package heavier than if it had just held a letter.

“You’ll just have to open it and see,” said her aunt with another grin.

(F/N) looked back to the envelope and, setting down her Hogwarts letter, delicately broke the seal on the new one. Looking inside, she saw that there was indeed a folded piece of parchment but there was also a key. Upending the envelope, she let the key slide out onto the table, landing with a melodic clank and tinkle as it bounced slightly on the thin, patterned tablecloth. Before reading the letter that came with it, (F/N) lifted the key and brought it closer for inspection.

It was a peculiar key, shiny and silver and with very complicated cuts. It looked like it might never have been used. The bow was diamond-shaped, and quite weighty with a large, white stone in its centre. Placing it gently down on the table again, (F/N) unfolded the parchment that came with it and read:

_Dearest (F/N),_

_The fact that you are reading this means that you are finally old enough to go to Hogwarts, and we could not be prouder. We are certain that you are already as perfect as can be, but with so much potential just waiting to be tapped. We wish we could have been there, to start you on your journey to becoming the extraordinary witch we always knew you would become, but we could – at the very least – sleep at night knowing that we placed you in the safe and loving hands of your aunt._

_You may not be able to see us, darling, but we are always there. Ever-loving, and ever-protective of you, our beloved daughter. Know that you are never alone in the world, and that we have always loved you with all our hearts. It may not be the same as having us all together again, but take your key to Gringotts in Diagon Alley, in London, and ask to enter your vault. We have left you a gift to see you through your entire Hogwarts journey, at the very least._

_We hope that you are not sad, or angry, for our absence. We hope that you are enthusiastic for the future, and brave enough to face it. Again, know that you are never alone, and know that we will forever be proud of our little girl._

_All our love, hugs, and kisses,_

_Mum and Dad_

_Xxx_

(F/N) looked up at Auntie Beth with tears shining in her eyes. She had never considered that her parents might have left anything specifically for her. She had been happy simply with her imagination, and impressions of what her mum and dad might have looked like, sounded like, felt like to hug …

Auntie Beth didn’t have any pictures in the house of (F/N)’s parents, but she understood. She knew that it must have been just as painful to lose them. (F/N) had been very young when her mother left her with Auntie Beth, but she had never resented her for it. Having listened to Auntie Beth’s stories about her parents, she had gathered that they had a great mission to accomplish but knowing how dangerous it would be they simply couldn’t take (F/N) with them.

“They wrote you that letter just before they went away,” said Auntie Beth gently. “Asked me to give it to you when Hogwarts sent your invitation,”

(F/N) nodded a few times, remaining silent. She was having trouble taking it all in. Her head felt funny, like it was swimming in a big pool of jelly. Her eyes felt heavy, and she couldn’t quite believe that all this excitement had tired her out so early in the morning. It was almost like when she’d been to birthday parties with children at school; they would always end up thoroughly tuckered out by late afternoon. Often, they wouldn’t even make it to the evening …

(F/N)’s mind was running away with her. Running off to familiar places in an attempt to deny what was happening in the here-and-now. Not that she didn’t _want_ to go to Hogwarts, but …

“(F/N)? Are you okay, sweet-pea?”

(F/N) looked up and saw that Auntie Beth had returned to the sausages, pushing them around the pan with her spatula. They smelled as though they were nearly done. She nodded again, more quickly this time, and folded both of her letters back up to neatly slide them back into their respective envelopes. She stood up and went to the cutlery drawer, ready to start setting the table for breakfast, but always avoided Auntie Beth’s concerned and questioning gaze.

“You’re nervous, aren’t you?” said Auntie Beth kindly.

(F/N) looked up, surprised. She hadn’t expected her to guess so quickly but nodded once again.

“You needn’t worry, my darling,” she said. “Your parents knew it and I did too, despite being what they call a “Muggle” … You will be one of the most – if not _the_ most – excellent students they’ll have ever seen,”

(F/N) allowed a small smile to creep onto her face. “D’you think so?”

“I know so,”

(F/N)’s face lit up then as she took the two knives and two forks to the table to set their places. Auntie Beth smiled as she watched her helping out.

“Don’t you know a spell for that?” she asked with a hint of teasing in her voice.

(F/N) smiled again. “Yes, but there’s nothing wrong with a bit of elbow grease,” she said simply. Auntie Beth only smiled wider. “Auntie …?” (F/N) then asked. “Mum and Dad mentioned a “Diagon Alley” in their letter. They said it’s in London … But where?”

“Well, I don’t know for sure …” said Auntie Beth cautiously. “But I think I remember how to get there, from when I went with your mum … I could take you to London, see if I can find it again …”

“Oh, could you?!” cried (F/N) with delight, clapping her hands together and jumping once in excitement. “But … you can’t come with me?” Something about her aunt’s tone had given her this impression.

“I don’t know, sweetie,” said Auntie Beth. “I mean, I did go with your mum the first time, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to go back again … I suppose we can always give it a try, though!”

Auntie Beth seemed to be musing on this as she plated up the sausages. Nearby, she had on a plate a few slices of buttered bread. An unusual breakfast, perhaps, but (F/N) had enjoyed this since she was old enough to eat what were essentially sausage sandwiches.

As they ate, (F/N) kept glancing back and forth between the letter from her parents and the letter from Hogwarts. She wondered if all the reading she had done over the years would help her at all when she got there. She had, of course, read her parents’ old textbooks – the ones on the bottom shelf of the bookcase – so that was something … It hadn’t escaped her notice that the school had specifically instructed her to acquire her own copies of a few of the ones she’d already read at home.

It excited her greatly to think of all the great learning experiences to be had at this new school of hers …

“Auntie Beth?”

“Yes, dear?”

“The letter from Hogwarts said that they “await my owl” … What does that mean?”

Auntie Beth chuckled. “Yes, that was one of the many quirks of that world of your parents’ that always made me laugh. Sending your post by owl … Surely letters would get to their destinations faster if you just stuck them in the letterbox?”

(F/N) laughed too. “I’ve never even _heard_ of a ‘carrier owl’. Carrier _pigeons_ , maybe, but never _owls!_ ” She took a bite of her sausage sandwich, making sure to finish what was in her mouth before speaking again. Auntie Beth had taught her perfect manners, of course, despite the mischievous streak she’d inherited from her father which would raise its cheeky head every now and again. Fortunately, that naughtiness didn’t extend to being outright rude. “But then, if Hogwarts is a castle, maybe they wouldn’t have bright-red pillar boxes about the place …”

Auntie Beth let out a girly whoop of laughter, nearly choking on her own sandwich. “You’re right – perhaps not!” she sniggered, regaining a sliver of composure. The thought of witches and wizards using pillar boxes … (F/N)’s parents had been wacky enough _before_ going to Hogwarts, let alone when they came back. The notion of them ever using the postal service like normal people was enough to amuse her for hours.

“How will I come by an owl, though?” asked (F/N) suddenly. Auntie Beth looked and saw that an expression of sincere worry had settled on her niece’s face.

“Not to worry, dear. Your dad had a barn owl when he was at school, and your mum had a tawny. I’m sure they had no trouble coming by them,”

(F/N) seemed to relax when she heard this, and soon her eyes began to glitter. “What sort of owl do you think would suit me?”

Auntie Beth chuckled again. “I’m not sure. Maybe your owl will decide _you_ suit _it,_ ”

(F/N) and Auntie Beth talked for hours and hours about everything to do with Hogwarts, and the preparations that needed to be made. They would go to London the following weekend, and Auntie Beth would help as best she could, but until then (F/N) decided that a whole week would be nothing short of torturous.


	4. Chapter 4

When the following Saturday finally arrived, (F/N) was up bright and early and dressed before Auntie Beth could even put her socks on. When Auntie Beth actually made it downstairs, (F/N) already had her shoes on and her shoulder bag was … well, on her shoulder. It was a simple brown leather one that her aunt had given her for her ninth birthday, most likely in readiness for when she went to school so that she would have a smaller bag to take with her if ever she went out with friends.

“Come on, Auntie!” she chirruped excitedly. “We need to drive to town yet, before we can even get on the train to London!”

Auntie Beth laughed, as she had found herself doing a lot this past week. Her niece’s excitement was very contagious. (F/N) bounced around the living room and hallway while Auntie Beth sat on the stairs, pulling on her brogues and tying the laces. (F/N) had always thought that Auntie Beth was a rather dignified woman, wearing very nice clothes when she wasn’t making a mess in the kitchen.

The warm morning sun streamed through the little obscured-glass window in the front door, making a small patch of sunlight on the dark-red carpet. It was quite an old-fashioned house, (F/N) thought, but it was home. Her grandparents had lived here years ago, and after Auntie Beth took up permanent residence and (F/N)’s parents left, Nan and Gramp Sterling had moved to an even smaller house nearer to town.

“Come on, or we’ll be late!” bleated (F/N) excitedly as Auntie Beth stood up at last. She was dancing around on the doormat, hand hovering impatiently over the door handle ready to dash outside to her aunt’s small car.

“All right, all right, I’m coming!” Auntie Beth chuckled, sighing a little after. She could tell that it was going to be a long day with a jubilant ten year old to keep an eye on. She grabbed her keys off the sideboard, underneath a mirror in the hallway, and stepped outside to make sure that (F/N) hadn’t tried to run all the way to London since she last cheeped at her to hurry up.

“I can’t wait to see what it’s like there …!” (F/N) sang.

“I can see that!” teased Auntie Beth, closing and locking the front door behind her. “Oh, do you have your letters and your key?” she asked, looking straight at the buzzing girl.

(F/N) simply patted her bag and began hopping from foot to foot, looking as though she needed the toilet but clearly indicating that she was itching to be able to clamber into the car.

Auntie Beth was sure that if she really wanted to, the girl could unlock the car doors herself with the use of her magic – that was before she considered that she might not have full control over her abilities yet. Something was clearly stopping her, but she didn’t think it would be wise to ask at the moment …

“Hello, Bethany. Hello, (F/N)!” came a young, cheery voice from over the garden hedge. Auntie Beth glanced over the greenery and saw (F/N)’s close friend Eddie beaming up at her.

“Good morning, Eddie,” said Auntie Beth, greeting the boy just as politely as he had her. He had always called her ‘Bethany’, presuming this to be her full name. “How are you today?”

“I’m well, thanks!” he replied in his usual bubbly tone. “Off to London today, aren’t you?”

“We are,” said Auntie Beth, unlocking the door for (F/N) at long last. But (F/N) didn’t climb in for the presence of her friend and her aunt could have rolled her eyes. “We need to buy (F/N)’s new school things,”

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that actually, (F/N),” said Eddie, even though he couldn’t see her from behind the tall hedge. Eddie was tall for a ten year old, but not _that_ tall.

“Well, when I’m home again I’ll come and call for you, and we can talk about it all you like!” (F/N) called back to him. Even if _she’d_ been a little taller for her age, she also would have had great difficulty with the imposing shrub.

“You’d better!” shouted Eddie teasingly as Auntie Beth got into the car. She gestured for (F/N) to say goodbye to Eddie, and to get in herself.

“Okay Eddie, ‘bye! I’ll see you later, or I’ll come and call tomorrow, in case it’s late when we get back …!”

Eddie listened to what (F/N) was saying but knew by her rapidly retreating voice that she was running around to her side of the car. He grinned and went back to his house, Number Three, thinking all the while of the colourful conversations he would have with his friend when she came home – she always had all sorts of fantastic tales to tell, but he couldn’t ever be sure if she was telling the truth or just some wonderful story …

(F/N) bounced in her seat all the way to town. She bounced all the way up to the ticket booth at the train station. She even bounced onto the train when it pulled up to their platform, clearing the gap between where she was standing and the carriage in one quick movement. Her aunt rolled her eyes but smiled lovingly. The girl simply had too much energy for a Saturday morning.

She eventually stopped bobbing up and down in her seat about ten minutes into the journey from town to London. (F/N) had no idea where she would be going once they arrived in the big city, but Auntie Beth told her that she had gone along with her sister and their parents when it was her sister’s turn to get her school things.

“Weren’t you jealous, Auntie Beth?” said (F/N) a little sadly.

“Not at all, dear,” said Auntie Beth with a smile. “Of course, I do wish I’d been a little bit magical myself, but I was proud of Adhara more than anything else. Luckily Mother and Father were allowed to bring me along too because … well, I would have been so disappointed if I’d missed out!”

“Wait … Does that mean Nan and Gramp are magical, too?” (F/N) asked, making sure to keep her voice down. She hadn’t seen them in a while, mostly because they liked to travel, but she couldn’t believe she’d never known about this.

“They are, but they like to keep it a secret,” said Auntie Beth with a wink, tapping the end of her nose.

“How old were you when Mum went to Hogwarts?” asked (F/N) curiously, changing the subject because it was making her head spin.

“Oh, well I suppose I must have been fourteen or so,” said Auntie Beth, smiling down at her niece. (F/N) seemed to be thinking things through again though, sitting with a half-smile on her face and her eyes wandering back to the countryside rushing past the train window. She was struggling to believe that she hadn’t actually ever known whether her aunt was older or younger than her mother, along with the fact that her grandparents were a witch and wizard.

(F/N) replayed her mother’s name over and over in her head, loving the way it sounded. She remembered seeing it written in a book on astronomy – Adhara was the second brightest star in Canis Major, she recalled. She had been delighted when she first learned that her mother’s name was that of a star. She remembered asking Auntie Beth afterwards why her mother had a “star name” and she didn’t, and Auntie Beth had told her kindly of her own parents’ affinity for stories as well as stars; they had named her ‘Bethlehem’ after the Star of Bethlehem in the Nativity, despite their not being religious.

Auntie Beth watched (F/N) gazing wistfully out of the window at the scenery passing by in a lazy green haze and knew immediately that she would be thinking of her parents. She felt so sorry for her niece but thought of a way that she might be able to coax a happier smile onto her sweet face.

“Hey …” she said gently to her. (F/N) looked up at her with big, (E/C) eyes. “Just think, you’re walking in their footsteps now,”

Sure enough, (F/N) grinned broadly and continued to do so all the way to London. When they disembarked at last, (F/N) took Auntie Beth’s hand firmly and followed her through the crowds and away from the train station. (F/N) clutched her bag firmly and made certain not to lose her aunt as they weaved and slalomed through great throngs of people. The air was close, humid and heavy, and made it feel as though all those people were much closer.

When they finally came out into the open air, (F/N) found that it wasn’t much cooler. The city seemed to have its own climate, and after walking a few streets from the station her dress was sticking to her back. (F/N) was thankful for her sensible choice of footwear at least, having had the sense to think they would be walking around a lot – naturally.

Auntie Beth appeared to be leading (F/N) from memory, although she did seem to take a few wrong turns (if her troubled expression and light, _nearly_ silent cursing was anything to go by). (F/N) trusted her aunt to get them to where they needed to go, though, and knew that the time she went with (F/N)’s mother to get _her_ school things wasn’t so long ago it could have faded from her mind.

The sun was still beating down on London, and (F/N) was panting slightly as she tried to keep up with Auntie Beth. Her hand was getting sweaty in her aunt’s, but she didn’t dare let go for fear of being lost to the city’s hordes. For the first time since leaving the house that morning, though, (F/N) realised that her aunt was wearing a light scarf, one that could either be bunched up for warmth or spread out almost like a towel and used as a light shawl.

When they left for the train station the morning air hadn’t been cold in the slightest, but there had been a slight breeze … Surely Auntie Beth didn’t need it now, though? (F/N) asked her about it, calling out to her over the hubbub coming from every direction.

“Aren’t you hot?” (F/N) said loudly.

Auntie Beth smiled down at her, turning a corner that suddenly rose up on their left. “I got sunburned in the garden the other day … Didn’t want to make it worse by walking around in the open, you see,” She gestured to how she was wearing the accessory, draped lightly over her neck. Now that she was looking closely, (F/N) could see that the tops of Auntie Beth’s ears were rather pink, and so were her cheekbones. It was entirely plausible that she did indeed have a sunburned neck. The scarf was covering her shoulders, too, but Auntie Beth was – very sensibly – wearing a nice t-shirt that covered them completely. (F/N) thought no more of it; her attention was captured by a small, grubby-looking establishment that stuck out like a sore thumb from the rest of the buildings around.

Auntie Beth seemed to be looking straight down the street, rather than at the odd little building which appeared to be a pub. (F/N) looked up at her, followed her line of sight, and raised an eyebrow.

“What are you looking at, Auntie Beth?”

“Hm?” Auntie Beth seemed lost in some kind of trance before she heard her niece’s voice. “Well, I know the place we need to go is around here somewhere, but last time I wasn’t able to see it until I was led right up to it … Leaky-something, I think it was called …”

“The Leaky Cauldron?” (F/N) guessed, looking back at the shabby little pub. Could she really not see it? It was right there …

“Yes! That was it,” said Auntie Beth triumphantly, almost as though she’d remembered it all on her own. She had been the one to insist on leading them here. Auntie Beth could be a little eccentric at times and (F/N) was used to it, even liked it, so when Auntie Beth had said she’d wanted the challenge of getting them there from memory alone (F/N) had humoured her.

Now they stood in the glaring sun which (F/N) was certain had started to intensify as punishment for their idleness. She tugged on her aunt’s hand and led her towards The Leaky Cauldron, hoping against hope that she would soon be able to see the place. Just as (F/N) was about to place her hand on the front door to push it open, Auntie Beth gave a start that told (F/N) that she could suddenly see the building for what it really was.

(F/N) paused for a moment, remembering what her aunt had said when she had watched her reading her letter. “Can you come with me, or do you need to stay here?” she asked. She hoped the worry in her voice wasn’t audible. She didn’t want to worry her aunt if she couldn’t come after all …

“Well, I _think_ I can come in,” said Auntie Beth, looking up at the first-floor windows. “I mean, I can see it now, and I think that if I wasn’t allowed in it wouldn’t show itself to someone like me …”

(F/N) could see that Auntie Beth was nervous, so she took her hand again and pulled her towards the pub. She placed the other hand on the door and pushed it, letting them both in with a long, low wooden creak. As soon as she stepped over the threshold, (F/N) noticed the difference immediately. The thrum of magic was impossible to ignore, and the dark shapes of the other patrons mingled with the murkiness of the pub.

Not knowing what else to do, (F/N) tentatively made her way over to a weathered-looking man standing behind the bar. Her shoulders only just came to the top of the counter, and she called for his attention with a cautious “Excuse me, sir …”

The man turned to her with a wide, largely-toothless smile. “Yes, my dear! How can I help you?”

“I’m, ah … I’m looking for Diagon Alley …”

The wizened old barkeep grinned even wider and clapped his hands together. “Of course! Another young witch on her way to Hogwarts, I suppose?”

All (F/N) could do was nod in confirmation and, seeing that she had suddenly come over impossibly shy, the barkeep chuckled and led (F/N) and Auntie Beth out through the bar and into a small courtyard. There was a high wall surrounding it, and there was nothing of note except a few weeds and a bin. Surely this couldn’t be Diagon Alley, (F/N) thought.

She was quite right about that. The barkeep approached the far wall and tapped thrice upon one of the bricks above the bin. It began to tremble, wriggling about so much that it seemed to cause a rippling effect among the other bricks, disturbing them to the point that they all scattered away to open up a large archway.

(F/N) had never seen magic quite like that – or done properly – and was excited to see and learn more. This was only the beginning, she knew, but not even the books she’d read at home had done justice to the real thing. She wondered if there were any more enchanted buildings to be found, but realised that she would soon be meeting many, many more _people_ who were magical.

The prospect nearly made her dance on the spot, unable to think properly and walk towards the archway. It wasn’t until she felt Auntie Beth’s hand sitting gently on her shoulder, beginning to propel her forwards, that she regained her senses and stopped staring in awe at the magical wall.

“Thank you, sir,” (F/N) said as she and the barkeep passed each other.

“You are most welcome, Miss,” he said with another gummy smile. “Have a good trip,”

(F/N) smiled back before going with her aunt through the archway, into a much narrower street but which was bustling with all sorts of very _magical_ activity. Boys and girls of similar ages to (F/N) were walking along, some of them with parents, some with friends and a few were even by themselves.

She didn’t have enough pairs of eyes to look at everything at once, which was precisely what she wanted to do at that moment (maybe she could magically give herself a few extra?) but Auntie Beth ushered her along so that she wasn’t standing in everyone’s way. (F/N) looked behind them and saw that the hole in the wall had now closed and it was like they hadn’t even come that way.

“What do we do first?” whispered (F/N) in excited tones. She didn’t know why she was whispering, but she was far too elated and nervous at the same time to trust the volume of her voice.

“Well, I think we need to go to Gringotts first, like your parents said,” said Auntie Beth.

“Oh, right!” gasped (F/N), feeling a bit silly for having forgotten. She patted her bag and felt the key sitting snuggly in the front pocket. “Um … You don’t happen to remember going there with Mum, do you?” she asked her aunt sheepishly.

Auntie Beth only smiled, pulling her scarf further up her neck. (F/N) had to admit, it was much cooler in Diagon Alley than it was on the outer streets of London. “Shall we have a mooch about and see if we can find it that way? From what I remember, it’s hard to miss …”

(F/N) looked around and couldn’t see it from where she stood, even if she moved to the middle of the thoroughfare. Realising that Auntie Beth’s idea was likely the best they could come up with, they began walking in the same direction as most of the other student-types. Auntie Beth seemed pleased and relieved to see other adults milling about looking just as lost as she had been up until five minutes ago. Clearly, she wasn’t the only Muggle in the crowd.

(F/N) led the way, meandering through small groups of people who had stopped dead in their tracks to ogle all sorts of fantastical things in the shop windows. (F/N) wanted to stop too, but she knew that nothing would get done unless she investigated Gringotts beforehand.

Up ahead, the sun glinted blindingly off a bright-white building with stone steps leading up to burnished bronze doors. At those doors stood a very little man, clad entirely in scarlet and gold. He had quick, clever eyes and a pointy beard, and looked very alert even though he’d clearly been standing there all day so far.

“A goblin …” (F/N) muttered before they got too close. She didn’t want him to hear, after all. “Auntie Beth, I’ve read about them …”

Auntie Beth smiled down at her enthusiastic niece. She might have guessed that the girl had read about a lot of the things one might find in a place like this. She remembered how (F/N)’s mother had worn exactly the same enraptured expression when _she_ came to Diagon Alley all those years ago. Auntie Beth hadn’t really understood at the time, despite being in her teens, but had been in awe of all the magic to be seen around them. Now, she thought, she would get a second glimpse of the wonders of the magical world …

Auntie Beth’s attention was stolen back by her niece trotting merrily up the steps to the big bronze doors of Gringotts, smiling politely at the goblin who bowed deeply to her as she passed. Inside they were faced with another set of doors, this time gleaming silver. Engraved upon them was an inscription, which (F/N) began to read aloud but quickly trailed off into silence.

“Enter, stranger, but take heed … of what awaits the sin of greed …” she murmured, before Auntie Beth was unable to hear her. “I suppose they can deal with thieves properly here, if this inscription is anything to go by,” said (F/N), shaking her head slightly. She thought that someone would have to be barking mad to try and rob a place like this.

They stepped up to the silver doors and they were bowed into a grand marble hall. The room was almost as white as the exterior but bathed in the golden light emitted from the huge, sparkling chandelier hanging from the middle of the ceiling. All around them were goblins at work, all of them (in this room) clad smartly in waistcoats and many of them sporting tiny pairs of spectacles. They were all either keeping the books, examining precious stones through eyeglasses or weighing other valuable materials on brass scales.

Slowly (F/N) and Auntie Beth made their way up to the front desk, where yet another goblin sat holding a quill and poring over a great, thick book. The desk was too tall for (F/N) to see over, but she could just about see all of the goblin’s face.

“Excuse me …” she began, a little nervous again. “I would like to enter my vault, please,”

The goblin slowly looked up from his numbers and peered down his long, sharp nose at her. He had only acknowledged her presence so soon after hearing her speak because she had been polite enough to say “please”. He could count on one hand the number of people who actually afforded goblins that kind of respect, but he could tell that if this girl knew that, she would be quite shocked.

“Your name?”

“(F/N) Castor, sir,”

“And you have your key, Miss Castor?”

“Oh!” (F/N) started and fumbled around in her bag for her key. It didn’t take long to find, being as large as it was. “Here you are,” She held it up to the desk for the goblin to take, which he did before examining it closely.

“That seems to be in order,” said the goblin, glancing down at her again. “I will have someone take you down to your vault. Bashnuk!”

Yet another goblin hobbled over to them and took the key from the other goblin’s outstretched hand. Bashnuk gestured for (F/N) and Auntie Beth to follow him and, as they left the front desk, (F/N) said a quiet “thank you” to the first goblin.

“Well done, dear,” whispered Auntie Beth as they stepped through a door just opened by Bashnuk and found themselves in a narrow stone passageway, lit by torches sitting in sconces along the wall.

Bashnuk tottered past them again on his little legs, and as (F/N) followed him she noticed that the corridor sloped away from them at an especially precarious gradient. There were little tracks on the floor, and just as they all came to a sudden stop Bashnuk whistled and a little cart came hurtling up to meet them. Bashnuk climbed on, assuming the driver’s position, and motioned for (F/N) and her aunt to get in too.

When everyone was seated, the cart took off again at great speed. It flew down the tracks like a bat out of hell, twisting and turning every which way. (F/N) was astounded by the experience, looking everywhere she could as they shot along at what definitely seemed to be breakneck speeds. When she glanced back at Auntie Beth, she saw that she had her eyes screwed tightly shut and was absolutely refusing to let go of the handrail in front of her.

It struck (F/N) as odd that someone as quirky, even occasionally eccentric, as Auntie Beth wouldn’t be a fan of rollercoasters. (F/N), on the other hand, loved every minute of the ride and was even a little sorry when the cart began to slow and finally come to a standstill.

“Vault five hundred and twenty-two,” Bashnuk hopped off the cart and made his way over to the vault they were now stopped outside. (F/N) and Auntie Beth clambered out after him, the latter shaking slightly at the knees. Their goblin guide took (F/N)’s key from his waistcoat pocket and clicked it into a hole in the wall in front of them. It trembled and quivered, finally folding away piece by piece until the vault behind had been revealed.

(F/N) was completely dumbfounded by what she saw.

Mouth agape, she stared at the vast pile of glittering gold, silver and bronze coins sitting resplendently before her. Auntie Beth stood a short distance away, but she could see exactly what her niece was so enthralled by. (F/N) turned with wide eyes to her aunt who she saw had now recovered from the journey down there, and was now standing with her arms folded and a smile on her face.

“They left it all for you,”

(F/N) turned back to the vault but still couldn’t move. Her eyes were fixed on the fortune before her, and she was finding it difficult to believe that this was _hers_.

Bashnuk stood by patiently, holding the lantern from the cart. However, to spur (F/N) into action, he placed the lantern down at his long feet and drew her attention by holding her key out for her to take back.

Taking the key gratefully and slipping it back into her bag, (F/N) took an empty velvet drawstring purse from it instead and proceeded into the vault. She didn’t know how much she would need, so she filled the purse as much as she could with nearly-equal amounts of gold, silver and bronze pieces.

As she exited the vault, it closed magically without the need for her key. She glanced back at it curiously, and Bashnuk said, “Every vault is different,” (F/N) took that to mean that some vaults locked by themselves, and others needed keys.

Climbing back onto the carriage with her aunt, (F/N) took one coin from the velvet purse before stashing it safely in her bag. She held it carefully, holding it in what light was available, and admired its clean, silver shine.

“That’s a Sickle,” said Bashnuk helpfully, taking his seat at the front of the cart. “The gold ones are Galleons, and the bronze ones are Knuts. Seventeen Sickles to a Galleon, and twenty-nine Knuts to a Sickle,”

(F/N) shook her head slightly, wondering why those amounts were quite so specific, and why they couldn’t be rounded up. Still, she smiled at Bashnuk and thanked him for his advice – she was impressed that he knew she needed it. The goblin didn’t say anything else, opting instead to begin the journey back up to the surface, but there was something about his expression that told (F/N) that he was happy to have helped.

Odd for a goblin, she thought, considering what she’d read about them and their general disdain for humankind. She wasn’t going to question Bashnuk on his geniality, though.

By the time they arrived back up top, Auntie Beth was looking very green indeed but (F/N) was more excited than ever to finally explore Diagon Alley’s many shops. She was, of course, most keen to investigate the bookshop she had seen on the way to Gringotts, a place called Flourish and Blotts that she had been most intrigued by.

(F/N) and her aunt made their way back out into the bright sunlight, looking all around them for an idea of where to go first. (F/N) took her letter out of her bag and scanned its contents for the list of things she would need for school.

“Maybe I should get my uniform first …” she said, mostly to herself, but Auntie Beth responded happily.

“Good idea, sweetheart,” she said, pulling her scarf up from where it had slipped slightly. She followed her niece as she began to move off, weaving through the crowds and looking for somewhere she could buy her robes and other articles of Hogwarts clothing.

“D’you suppose this is it?” said (F/N), realising they were right next to a shop named ‘Madam Malkin’s Robes for All Occasions’. In the large, round bay window stood a pair of mannequins; one was clad all in black, and the other sported a rather gaudy dress, comparative to its friend.

“Er, yes, I guess it must be,” said Auntie Beth, peering through the window. She couldn’t see much – it was rather dark inside. She gingerly followed her niece into the shop, squinting around her as the change from bright sunlight outside turned to relative darkness. There were a few lamps burning here and there, though.

“Hello, dear,” said a squat, smiling witch who sat in a small chair just across the room, dressed entirely in mauve. “Off to Hogwarts?”

(F/N) nodded, suddenly lost again for words, and the kindly witch smiled. She beckoned (F/N) to follow her and made her way to the back of the shop. There was nobody else there apart from another witch who (F/N) supposed must work there, and she was busy tidying up after what she presumed must have been the last student who was fitted for robes.

“Hop up on the stool there, dear, and let’s get you measured up,” said Madam Malkin, indicating to (F/N) which stool she meant. (F/N) did as she was told and stood perfectly upright and still (save for the times when Madam Malkin asked her to raise or lower her arms). When all was said and done, (F/N) paid for her robes, cloak, hat and dragon hide gloves (as well as a pack of name tags) and was just on her way out when the door opened before she could get to it.

In walked a boy of about (F/N)’s age, with shoulder-length black hair, dark eyes and a pallid complexion. He not only looked sun-starved but a little on the scruffy side, and the woman standing behind him (whom (F/N) presumed was his mother, given the resemblance they bore) did not look well.

Her surprise at seeing someone her age walking into the shop notwithstanding, (F/N) stepped aside and gave them more room to come inside. She averted her gaze quickly, so as not to appear rude. No words were exchanged, except for her thanks to Madam Malkin for her assistance.

(F/N) and Auntie Beth stepped back out into sunny Diagon Alley, looked at each other and smiled. Then, Auntie Beth came out with something (F/N) would never have expected her to.

“I think you caught that boy in there off-guard for a moment,” she said.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you’re a pretty little thing – I wouldn’t be in the least bit surprised if you go around making a few hearts flutter at Hogwarts,”

(F/N) blushed – _hard_. She didn’t know what to say, but certainly didn’t think that the dark-eyed boy at Madam Malkin’s had paid any attention to her at all. It wasn’t as if she, at her age, was even _thinking_ about boys yet …

(F/N) was very thankful for the distraction of Flourish and Blotts being right next door. She headed inside with Auntie Beth following closely behind, but while (F/N) was asking the manager for help with a few set books she had been unable to find, Auntie Beth got a little distracted by a book on palmistry that she knew would be more insightful than anything that could be found in the Muggle world. Fortune-telling and similar arts had always been of interest to her.

Finally, with all of her books paid for and stowed neatly in a bag (Auntie Beth was carrying the bag of new clothes), (F/N) took another look at her shopping list after leaving Flourish and Blotts. It had been a slight struggle to get Auntie Beth to put down the palmistry book, but (F/N) had managed it in the end. She noted that there were several things on her list that she had yet to buy, such as her phials and scales, her cauldron, as well as her wand but she decided to leave that until after she’d acquired the more “miscellaneous” items, as her aunt called them.

Around half an hour later, after listening to Auntie Beth going “ooh” and “ahh” every two minutes as though watching a firework display, and purchasing her other supplies at the same time, (F/N) was finally ready to see about getting herself a wand. Aside from the bookshop and the excitement ignited in her when she passed ‘Eeylops Owl Emporium’ and the ‘Magical Menagerie’ _,_ the idea of getting her wand was absolutely thrilling.

(F/N) now stood before the narrow, shabby shop whose name was printed, in cracked and peeling golden letters: ‘Ollivanders: Makers of Fine Wands since 382 BC’ _._ Despite this being another very dark-looking shop, (F/N) was keen to get inside. Everything in Diagon Alley had been enchanting, and she had no doubt that what she would find within Ollivanders would be equally so.

“You go on inside, love,” she heard Auntie Beth say behind her. (F/N) turned and gave her a curious look. She had pulled her scarf further up again, as if she’d caught a chill. “I thought I might go and have a look at that shop with all the owls for you, since you seemed to like the idea of having one when we talked about it before …”

“Um … All right, then …” said (F/N) slowly, not entirely convinced that she was comfortable with the thought of her beloved Muggle aunt wandering around alone in a magical shopping district – however tiny it was compared to others in the Muggle world. It was teeming with witches and wizards, and while they might not have known it to look at her, Auntie Beth was no witch herself and (F/N) worried that they might wonder what she was doing there. What if she got thrown out, and (F/N) couldn’t find her again?

“I’ll be fine, dear, really,” said Auntie Beth with a reassuring smile. She always seemed to know just what (F/N) was thinking, and just what to say to put her mind at ease. (F/N) wondered if her expressions betrayed her thoughts too much.

“Okay … I’ll meet you back here in twenty minutes?”

“You’ve got it!”

(F/N) smiled and made her way into the shop. Through the gloom she could just about make out the outlines of shelves, stacked high with what must have been thousands of narrow boxes. She could only assume they all held magic wands, and in the back of her head she could hear a peculiar thrumming sound. She almost hadn’t registered the light chiming of a bell somewhere deeper in the bowels of the shop as she came in, for the sound of that low humming in her head.

Could that be the hidden magic of this place, she wondered. Was it even possible to _hear_ magic?

Just as she was musing on this, a man with wide, very pale eyes appeared behind the counter. He was old, and very weathered-looking, but those eyes shone clearly through the murk of the shop.

“Good afternoon,” he said softly. (F/N) observed an odd sort of twinkle sparking in those pale orbs of his when he spoke. Almost like a light of recognition, but that was impossible – they’d never met before, nor even laid eyes on one another …

“G-good afternoon,” (F/N) stammered, slightly intimidated by his unflinching, silvery stare. She felt in no way threatened by the man, but that gaze was a little spooky. A ghost of a smile flickered across the man’s lips.

“I wondered when Magnus Castor’s daughter would walk into my shop,” he said knowingly. It immediately struck (F/N) as strange that Mr Ollivander would know just by a first impression who her father was … Even _she_ didn’t know what her father looked like, so for Mr Ollivander to see any resemblance between (F/N) and her father after all the years since he first went to Hogwarts was …

She was suddenly distracted from her thoughts by Mr Ollivander’s sudden proximity to her. He had taken a tape measure from nowhere and was beginning to measure her up – shoulder to floor, knee to armpit, around her head, and …

“Which is your wand arm, Miss Castor?”

“Erm … Right, I suppose,” she replied, instinctively holding out her right arm. Mr Ollivander nodded approvingly, pleased with how helpful she was.

(F/N)’s attention was suddenly drawn again by Mr Ollivander’s rummaging around in the shelves behind him. He had apparently finished measuring her, but the measuring tape still did a bit of work here and there, gauging the distance between her nostrils as well as her eyes.

Mr Ollivander, on the other hand, seemed to be looking for something rather specific, so (F/N) tried not to interrupt him. Just as she was about to turn and start looking at the shelves to her right, Mr Ollivander whirled around suddenly and held out one of the narrow boxes from the shelf directly behind him. Its lid was off, and inside (F/N) saw a stark but beautiful white wand sitting on a bed of dark velvet. The measuring tape crumpled into a heap on the creaky wooden floor.

Coming closer to the counter, (F/N) gently took the wand from its casing and stared at it in both curiosity and uncertainty. She held it slightly away from her person as though it might bite, only bringing it nearer once Mr Ollivander instructed her to give it a try.

“Aspen, unicorn tail hair core, slightly springy … All it needs is a flick of the wrist,”

(F/N) did as she was told even though she felt a bit daft. She held the wand delicately by the handle, gave it a swish and … all the candles in the shop went out as a sudden gust of wind ripped through.

“No, no … Not that one, then. Try this one instead,” said Mr Ollivander hurriedly, taking back the aspen wand and using his own to relight the candles. The place had been plunged into darkness, after all.

The second wand was considerably darker in appearance, a little longer, and was carved into an intricate woven design. (F/N) took it just as carefully as the last and waited for Mr Ollivander’s cue. This came as a simple nod, his pale eyes still glittering with intrigue, and (F/N) gave the wand an experimental wave. This time there was a loud bang and a clatter from upstairs, almost as if something heavy had fallen over and hit the floor very hard. Mr Ollivander took the wand back in an instant and rushed off, presumably to check that whatever had taken a tumble was still intact. (F/N) stood quite still, awkwardly clasping her hands in front of her and determined not to touch anything else.

When Mr Ollivander returned his pallor had adopted a distinctly rosy hue, quite possibly because he’d taken off in such a hurry. He straightened his aged jacket and cleared his throat. (F/N) decided not to ask him what she’d inadvertently knocked over, but the expression on Mr Ollivander’s face told her that he was not cross with her for the mishap. She was glad.

“Perhaps, then …” hummed Mr Ollivander, leaning back slightly as though trying to get a better look at (F/N) … rather like it hadn’t actually been her he’d been assisting for the past fifteen minutes, and as though he were seeing her for the first time. “Yes, perhaps indeed …”

He appeared to be talking to himself, mostly, as he rooted around in the shelves for another wand. (F/N) couldn’t help the small feeling of dread that crept up her spine as she waited patiently for Mr Ollivander’s third recommendation. When he finally returned to her, he offered her another handsome, light-coloured wand. This one was slightly darker than the first but much lighter than the second, and was decorated with beautifully carved runes which were different on each side. It was of average length, but elegant and slim despite its comfortable weight in her hand.

When she tried this wand, it felt much more natural. Something just clicked – nothing got knocked over, nothing caught fire, and the world outside wasn’t ending. Instead, a soft, sparkling, lavender light glowed at the end of the wand and gifted the room with a sudden, soothing atmosphere. Although there was no more noise than there had been when she first walked in (save the thrumming in the back of her mind), the shop somehow seemed less silent and eerie.

Mr Ollivander looked quite pleased. (F/N) looked up at him with confusion in her eyes. “Why didn’t this one backfire …?”

Mr Ollivander looked as though he might have chuckled if not for his very calm exterior. He took the wand as (F/N) offered it back to him, boxing it up for her as he considered her question.

“Well, Miss Castor. It just so happens – and these things do happen, it’s rather curious, indeed – that it is the wand that chooses the master. They always select their witch or wizard for a reason,” Mr Ollivander said, in a soft and unhurried voice, wrapping the boxed-up wand and placing it in a bag for her.

(F/N) took the bag and smiled. Mr Ollivander may have been in the habit of explaining things with slightly sinister undertones, but she didn’t mind him very much. She paid him seven gold Galleons for her wand and, quietly delighted with her purchase and burning to tell Auntie Beth what had happened, she left the shop with a thank-you to the peculiar man.

True to her word, Auntie Beth was waiting for her nearby, and looked as though she had something she wanted to tell (F/N) as well.

“Got your magic wand, dear?” said her aunt with a smile, pulling her into a half-hug by wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

“Oh yes, and a story to go with it!” (F/N) cried excitedly, absolutely itching to spill everything Mr Ollivander had said and that had happened while trying out wands.

“Well, how about you tell me all about it over an ice cream sundae once we’ve had a look in here … Would you like that, sweetie?”

(F/N) looked up at her aunt in complete adoration. She had noticed, but hadn’t mentioned, the very inviting ice cream parlour they’d passed earlier on, and was overjoyed that Auntie Beth had been the one to suggest getting ice cream once they’d finished shopping.

The place Auntie Beth had been referring to when she’d proposed having a look in another shop was, in fact, Eeylops Owl Emporium, which was where she had been browsing while (F/N) bought her wand. Auntie Beth had spotted a few owls she thought would have been perfect for her niece and, since wand shopping was apparently taking a bit longer than expected, she rushed back to Gringotts to change some Muggle money into Galleons.

“I wanted to get you an owl as a congratulatory present, darling,” said Auntie Beth, smiling as she watched her niece moving carefully around the shop, gazing in awe at all of the owls.

She whipped around to stare at her Aunt, eyes glistening a little to hear her confession. “Auntie Beth … Really? You … you really don’t have to …”

“I know, sweetheart, but I want to. You studied so hard at … non-magic school, and even started studying your magic from your parents’ books while you were at home … It’ll be a reward!”

(F/N) could hardly believe her luck. She had never expected a gift like this, and now she was lost for words. That was, until the subject of money popped into her head. “But … you don’t have any Galleons or Sickles or anything …”

Auntie Beth explained how she had run back to Gringotts to exchange some notes for enough wizard money to buy even the most expensive owl there, although she noted that the highest price they were being sold for was fifteen Galleons.

With this in mind, and still feeling a tad guilty about the whole thing, (F/N) turned back to the birds and began to browse properly. They were all very handsome creatures. There were tawny owls, like the one Auntie Beth said (F/N)’s mother once had, screech owls, barn owls (like her father’s) and even a pair of snowy owls, which were very rare. But the one that _really_ stood out to her was the little owl sitting by himself on the front counter. He had bright yellow eyes, brown feathers flecked with white and fluffy white feet, like he was sporting tiny socks.

(F/N) smiled as she came nearer, seeing that this little owl was really very little indeed. The owl looked at her with his big, moon-like eyes and appeared to cock his head to one side.

“I think he likes you,” said the man behind the counter. He’d been sitting in a chair in the corner, and (F/N) hadn’t noticed him until now. “We don’t normally sell little owls … He’s the first in a very long time, and probably the last for a good while longer …”

(F/N) looked back to the small owl and immediately felt sorry for him. He looked awfully lonely sitting there, and there weren’t any others like him in the shop … Auntie Beth could tell what she was thinking, though, without even seeing her face.

“I think you like him too, don’t you?” she murmured in her ear, leaning over her shoulder. (F/N) nodded her head, cautiously reaching out a hand to the owl. He hopped closer and allowed her to gently stroke his feathered chest. He was impossibly soft to the touch and closed his eyes blissfully.

“How much is he?” (F/N) enquired, forgetting that Auntie Beth had offered to buy her an owl.

“Fifteen Galleons, and since he’s been here a little while I’m willing to do a deal on his food and care for one extra,” said the man. He had a very kind face and his grey hair stuck up at funny angles, making him look like the long-eared owls (F/N) had seen in wildlife books she’d found at home. “I just want the little chap to go to a good home,”

“He’ll be safe and happy with my niece,” said Auntie Beth reassuringly, counting out sixteen gold Galleons and handing them to the shopkeeper. He smiled and thanked her, before going to the back of the shop to gather the owl’s things.

“Oh, thank you so much!” (F/N) bleated, throwing her arms around her aunt in glee. “He’s perfect …!”

Auntie Beth chuckled. “You’re most welcome, sweetheart. Somehow, I knew you’d choose him,”

(F/N) grinned up at her aunt in sheer delight, revelling in the excitement of having a pet. She turned back to the counter as the shopkeeper came back, armed with a bag full of owl care supplies and food, and a birdcage swinging in the other hand. He opened the cage door but before he could usher the little owl in, (F/N) offered him her hand to hop into and placed him inside herself.

“Well, it would seem you’re a natural, Miss,” said the shopkeeper with a broad smile. “Say, what are you going to call him?”

(F/N) hadn’t thought about that yet. Her brow furrowed as she thought, realising that she might have considered this longer ago when she first thought that it would be a great thing to have her own owl. She settled on one that she’d always thought had an interesting ring to it.

“I’ll call him Cicero, like the philosopher,” she said with an even wider grin. Both the shopkeeper and Auntie Beth looked pleased with her choice, and even a little surprised. “Can I ask, though … How come he’s been here so long?”

“Well, a lot of people think that because an owl is small he or she can only carry light packages and only make local deliveries, but with this fellow that’s just not true. He’s a sprightly one, and surprisingly strong for a little owl,”

(F/N) made a small cooing sound, meant to signal her sympathy for the poor owl. But, she thought, cheering herself up, he was coming home with her now and it would all be okay. (F/N) thanked the shopkeeper and they left, Cicero sitting happily in his cage with his head under his wing and (F/N) with a spring in her step. She couldn’t stop thanking Auntie Beth, over and over even as they grabbed a table at Florean Fortescue’s Ice Cream Parlour. She couldn’t stop.

When she eventually did calm down, gazing down at Cicero sleeping soundly in his cage, (F/N) ordered a strawberry and peanut butter ice cream with shortbread crumbles on top, while Auntie Beth had chocolate and mint with chopped nuts. As they sat at their outdoor table, quietly enjoying their ice creams, both aunt and niece took to people-watching but made sure not to be caught staring. (F/N) wondered how many of the people her own age she would remember when she got to Hogwarts.

The afternoon sun had dropped a bit in the sky by the time (F/N) and Auntie Beth had finished their iced treats, so they decided that, since (F/N) now had all of her school things, it would probably be best to head for home. (F/N) was sad to leave this magical place behind but even she couldn’t deny the fact that she was getting rather tired after all this excitement and exploration. Besides, she knew she’d be back one of these days, and there was another, equally magical place waiting for her in September.

“I should write to the deputy headmistress when we get home …” said (F/N) sleepily as she listened to the gentle clicking and clacking of the train tracks below as their train rushed along. The sun was getting very low now, and the countryside was awash with the fiery golden sunset. (F/N) hadn’t realised just how late it had got by the time they left Diagon Alley.

“I think that’s an excellent idea. Wouldn’t want to keep her waiting, would we?”

(F/N) nodded and let out a small yawn. Fatigue had finally caught up to her now that she was sitting down, and she had long enough to potentially doze off. She’d been so sleepy, in fact, that she’d hardly noticed the inquisitive stares of her fellow passengers as she and Auntie Beth had entered the carriage with all their shopping and an owl in tow.

The next thing she knew she was being shaken awake, very gently, by her aunt. The train had stopped and as she looked out of the window again (she had been dozing on her aunt’s shoulder) she saw that the sun had gone down almost completely. The evening sky was a pretty shade of pink, as it often was in summer, and the sparse clouds were painted gold by the last rays of the sun.

“We’re here,” said Auntie Beth softly. (F/N) climbed carefully past her aunt’s seat after she stood, and Auntie Beth passed her a couple of the shopping bags from the overhead compartment. This time (F/N) _did_ notice the other passengers staring and felt quite uncomfortable. She managed to hold two shopping bags in one hand, took Cicero’s cage in the other and hurried out of the carriage.

Auntie Beth told her very kindly not to pay anyone any mind, and that it was probably just strange for them to see people walking around with an owl. (F/N) supposed that she would have to get used to this, because she’d be going to and from Hogwarts a fair bit over the next few years and she would, of course, have to bring Cicero with her every time.

With her new owl on her mind, (F/N) wondered if what the shopkeeper at the owl emporium said was true. “Do you think he’ll really be up to such a long flight?”

“Well, I don’t think the man would lie to us …” said Auntie Beth. “It would do him no good to lie, after all,”

(F/N) supposed it wouldn’t. Still, she didn’t have many options available to her. She helped her aunt load all of their shopping into the car which sat patiently in the train station car park but she decided to have Cicero’s cage on her lap all the way home. The owl was awake now, roused by the setting of the sun. He gazed up at (F/N) with his huge, yellow eyes and blinked curiously through the bars.

“He’s so cute …” said (F/N) as they turned a corner and set off down the narrow, winding country lane which led to Spindlewood Common. Auntie Beth drove slowly, not being able to see beyond the tall, leafy trees and large, bushy hedges lining the road.

A few minutes later they were back in the village, and back at Number Two Oxlip Lane. (F/N) glanced over at the hedge dividing their front garden from Eddie’s, but he hadn’t run outside to greet them. She would go and call for him in the morning, but she didn’t know what she’d tell him about their trip to London … She couldn’t very well say that she’d been shopping for her ‘magic-school’ equipment.

That was a problem for another day. She grabbed a couple of bags in one hand and carried Cicero in the other while Auntie Beth got the front door. (F/N) rushed her things up to her room before darting back to collect the rest. When all was stowed safely in her bedroom and out-of-sight of her best friend who _did_ have form for popping up unexpectedly, she trotted back downstairs to help her aunt with dinner.

“Thank you for taking me to London, Auntie Beth,” she said while setting the table.

Her aunt smiled fondly at her. “Of course, sweetheart. I’m just happy you’ve got everything you need now,”

(F/N) adored her aunt. As they sat down to a small but hearty dinner (Auntie Beth’s homemade stew, which she’d made the day before and there were some leftovers to heat up) (F/N) told her more about what had happened in Diagon Alley in her absence. She had told her some of what occurred in Ollivander’s shop, making her aunt laugh as she told her about the mishaps with the wands she didn’t suit.

Finally the conversation turned to their next-door neighbours, more specifically Eddie. She had been struggling with keeping her secret from him since discovering her magical powers, and while she didn’t want to go against her aunt’s word she also didn’t want to go trotting off to Hogwarts without so much as an explanation to her friend of why she wouldn’t be attending senior school with him.

“I just feel bad for hiding it all from him …” (F/N) said a little mournfully.

Auntie Beth’s kind eyes twinkled, and her heart went out to her niece, but she stood firm. “I know, darling … You wouldn’t want him to be jealous though, would you?”

“I don’t know that he _would_ be jealous, though …” said (F/N), pushing her spoon around her empty bowl. To stop the utensil from clattering around, Auntie Beth quickly and gently took the bowl away from (F/N) and took both hers and her own over to the sink for washing up. (F/N) got up to help, grabbing a tea-towel from the drawer, but Auntie Beth shook her head while wearing a smile.

“Don’t worry about that, dear. You’ve had a long day. Perhaps you should have a bath and then get yourself off to bed?”

(F/N) looked up at Auntie Beth in surprise but nodded all the same. She turned and made her way towards the door, but was once again given reason to wonder if her aunt had actually read her mind … Or maybe she really was just an open book. She didn’t know, but her aunt’s next comment shocked her a bit.

“If you must tell Eddie anything, dear, you must swear him to secrecy afterwards,”

(F/N) stopped in the doorway and stared at her aunt. “Because other people will be jealous?”

“Well, more because they might think your young friend is mad,” said Auntie Beth calmly, wiping a wet bowl round with the fresh towel left on the draining board. The window above the sink, the one looking out into the garden, was pitch black and (F/N) could see her reflection staring back, dumbfounded.

“All right …” said (F/N) slowly. “I’ll think about it. Maybe Eddie won’t ask again …”

Auntie Beth was quietly amazed by her niece. She considered her reasoning to be very grown-up and not at all impulsive. Not like her father had been at her age, but more like her mother. (F/N) bade her aunt goodnight, and Auntie Beth called back to say that she would come to check on her in an hour.

(F/N) went straight for her bath, but when she returned to her room – fully pyjama-clad – she paced around a bit before finally settling to let Cicero out of his cage. He had been staring at her for a full five minutes before she thought of doing this. Without so much as a hint, Cicero hopped onto (F/N)’s forearm which rested lazily atop the writing desk below the windowsill, where his cage now sat.

(F/N) pet him gently, stroking his downy, speckled feathers. He looked up at her with his big yellow eyes and a knowing expression, almost as if he knew what she was thinking too. If he really did know, thought (F/N), he would soon get very dizzy with the circles she was going in.

“I suppose you’ll want to stretch your wings,” she said quietly, standing and leaning across the desk to open her window. There was another window on the adjacent wall, but this was a bay window and its sill was much too low to store a birdcage. Cicero peered out into the darkness, then back at (F/N) as though unsure of what she was suggesting he should do. Finally he took flight, his little wings spreading out a lot further than his even littler body and soared out into the night.

(F/N) decided it was warm enough that she could leave the window open until morning, so that Cicero could come and go as he pleased. After all, he had come from a stint in the city and now lived in the countryside – the young witch thought it would be a welcome change for the owl.

She climbed into bed and pulled the duvet halfway up her body, since it was midsummer. She must have been utterly exhausted, because she remembered neither her aunt coming to check on her, nor any of the dreams she had that night.

It was a blank, abyssal slumber unlike any she’d had before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was a good bit longer than its predecessors ... I hope you’re enjoying things so far, though! There are more long chapters to come, though, and some of them longer than this one!


	5. Chapter 5

“Come on, just a bit further!”

“Auntie Beth will be so cross with me …!”

“Not if we’re back by teatime!”

(F/N) sighed and resigned herself to the fact that Eddie was _not_ going to let this one slide. They were far out in the fields surrounding Spindlewood Common, running in the opposite direction to the woods where the badger sett they’d found when they were little.

“Seriously, what was it you wanted to show me?!” (F/N) hollered above a particularly strong gust of wind. It was quite blustery for a summer’s day and it whipped her (H/C) hair about in a wild fashion. She was glad she’d chosen to wear shorts rather than a skirt that day.

Eddie turned around and, still jogging backwards, tapped his nose annoyingly. He winked before facing the right way again, scurrying up the rest of the hill they were climbing. (F/N) rolled her eyes and followed suit, taking to all-fours to get up after her friend – the boy had had quite the run-up, but since she was moving much slower, she didn’t have nearly the amount of momentum required to get herself up the hill. It had rained the night before – although only a little – so the grass was still a bit slippery.

As she scrambled to the top to join Eddie, she looked down the other side and let her mouth hang agape. There was a small herd of Dartmoor ponies grazing in the field below, swishing their tails lazily and swaying through the long grass, sun-bleached from the many sunny days they’d had that summer, despite the previous night’s rain. (F/N) tore her eyes from the ponies for a moment to see that Eddie had sat down on the brow of the hill and he patted the ground next to him, indicating that she should join him.

Plopping down next to him, (F/N) turned her attention back to the peaceful ponies minding their own business in the wild fields.

“I didn’t know they came this far west …” she whispered a little breathlessly. “And I can’t believe we never came this far out before …”

“I wandered out here the day you went to London,” said Eddie with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders. His hair was almost the same colour as the dried-out grass stems, a sandy kind of gold, and his eyes were a warm, earthy brown which seemed lighter in the sunshine. He had grown a little since the last summer, so (F/N) wasn’t totally surprised to learn that he had been off gallivanting by himself. Still, she couldn’t resist the urge to lightly scold him for it.

“You shouldn’t come all the way out here on your own, you know. What if you get lost, or hurt?”

Eddie chuckled. “I won’t. You _know_ I won’t,”

(F/N) rolled her eyes again and snorted both in incredulity and amusement. He had been like this for years, now. Headstrong, adventurous, and completely oblivious to any danger he might put himself in. She glanced at him from the corner of her eye and realised he was staring at her.

“What?” she asked, a bit too defensively she soon realised.

Eddie smirked. “Just wondering if one of the horses will come up to us, like those badgers came out of their sett that time … You know, I wished they would, and it happened …”

(F/N) chuckled herself. “Maybe. You never know,”

They sat together in silence for a few minutes, watching the tiny herd’s two foals frolicking together in the grass. Their mothers didn’t seem to mind that they were being a little bit boisterous, and (F/N) smiled as she watched the group. The foals reminded her of when she and Eddie used to roughhouse with each other. Auntie Beth had always insisted on those occasions that she was sure she’d been given a nephew rather than a niece.

It wasn’t long before Eddie got his wish. Slowly, the ponies seemed to have meandered over to them and one of them – when it spotted them – grew very curious and decided to investigate. Neither of them were nervous to see it approaching, but they stood up carefully and stayed very still so that it could see they were no threat to it, or its herd.

The pony stopped about a meter away, staring at them with big, wide-set brown eyes, one of them mostly hidden behind its long, shaggy forelock. Its ears swivelled in every direction, listening for anything that might herald danger.

When she was certain the pony felt no aggression towards them, (F/N) inched forwards and slowly and carefully extended a hand towards the creature. It paused for a moment, uncertain of what she was doing, before closing the gap and lifting its velvety muzzle to her outstretched palm. (F/N) glanced back over her shoulder at Eddie to see him gawking wide-eyed at her.

“How are you –?”

“It’s easy,” she said, and it was her turn to shrug her shoulders now. She stooped down to tear up a chunk of grass and offered it to the pony, who now seemed to like her a great deal. “Here, you try,”

Eddie came forward and copied his friend exactly. He ripped up some grass and offered it to the pony, who took it readily and came sniffing at him for more. It didn’t seem pushy in the slightest, but Eddie still didn’t look as if he’d been prepared for one of the animals to actually approach. He managed to get a few pats in before the horse finally returned to its herd.

“How do you do it?” Eddie asked, looking at his friend with the most curious of expressions.

(F/N) looked at him sidelong and raised an eyebrow. “I guess I just get along with animals … Explains why we’re friends,” she added with a snort of laughter.

“Hey!” Eddie cried out indignantly, nudging her with his elbow. Even he couldn’t help smiling, though. “I didn’t mean it like that, anyway …”

“How did you mean it, then?”

“When we were little, with the badgers … I said it’d be cool if they came out of their sett, and they did. Today, I said I wondered if one of the horses would come up to us, and one did. How come animals always come to see you?”

(F/N)’s head bobbed backwards in surprise at his question. She didn’t know why she seemed to have such an affinity with animals, but they had just always seemed to take to her. She loved interacting with creatures of all shapes and sizes, as well as caring for them where she could. Maybe they just sensed that?

“(F/N) …” said Eddie slowly. “I know something’s going on with you, and I know it has been for a long time. The only proof I’ve had is watching you befriending animals, though …”

(F/N) listened, but she wasn’t sure she was comfortable with the direction this conversation was taking. Another gust of wind rustled the dry grass stalks around them.

“You know I always used to wonder whether certain things happened because of … well, magic?”

“… Yeah?”

“Is it? Magic, I mean. Do you have magic powers?”

(F/N) was stumped. How had he known to draw that conclusion? She wasn’t sure how to answer him, and so she stood wearing a daft expression and opening and closing her mouth stupidly, like a goldfish. She was even more dumbfounded when Eddie grinned.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to say it out loud. I guess that’s why you’re not coming to Fallow _Academy_ with me, though,” he said, emphasising the name so as to suggest it was too posh for them.

Eddie didn’t sound sad, though. He sounded … proud. (F/N) peered closely at him, searching for any sign that he could just be putting on an act for her. She found nothing but sincerity in his warm, brown eyes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you … I know we normally tell each other everything,” she mumbled, rubbing her forearm awkwardly. Eddie waved her comment off, dismissing it as quickly as she’d made it.

“Pfft, you don’t need to worry about that. It’s not the sort of thing you really go around shouting about, is it?”

“Well, no, but … how did you work it out?”

Eddie grinned. “Well, when I found out that the ponies came out this way, I knew I had to bring you here to see if the same thing happened with them as what happened with the badgers,”

“How did you know it was me, and not you?” (F/N) quizzed him.

Again, Eddie smirked. His grin was getting wider by the second. “Because I’ve been back to the sett loads of times without you and I could never get them to come out. Even at sunset,”

“You snuck out at sunset to see the badgers?!” (F/N) gasped. She wasn’t sure if she was cross with him for doing something potentially dangerous like that, or for not asking her to come with him. It _had_ sounded like quite good fun …

Now Eddie was laughing. “Oh, come on. It’s not that bad. I must’ve done it a hundred times, now. Obviously, I haven’t always been going to see the badgers, but I’ve been out at night lots of times … You know me,”

(F/N) couldn’t repress yet another roll of her eyes, but he was right. She knew him far too well and knew equally well that he wasn’t likely to get caught or into any kind of mischief. She grinned back and began making her way back down the hill. The blue sky had taken on a lighter, slightly waxy hue which told her that the afternoon was growing old. She didn’t want to be caught this far from home by her aunt …

“So … You won’t tell anyone, will you?” she asked her friend nervously. Eddie gave her a reassuring smile and threw his arm over her shoulders.

“Do you even need to ask?”

(F/N) smiled happily and gratefully, leaning into his affectionate embrace as they walked. It was awkward, because even at their age there was a considerable height difference. “Thanks, Ed,”

“Most welcome,”

Eddie made sure they were both home by teatime as promised, allowing (F/N) to pick the shortcut she knew _perfectly_ well would shave about ten minutes off their journey back. This particular shortcut was within the normal boundaries of where (F/N) usually wandered, but Eddie was notorious for avoiding shortcuts, preferring instead to take the longest possible route home so that he could stay out as late as he could.

That didn’t always work in (F/N)’s favour, unfortunately. That day was not one of those, though.

“See you tomorrow!” Eddie called out over the garden hedge as he went through his front gate, and (F/N) went through hers.

“You bet!” (F/N) called back, waving to him as best she could before she lost sight of him. She turned the front door handle, pleased to see that Auntie Beth hadn’t forgotten to take her keys out of the lock on the other side, and walked into the quirky little house. Auntie Beth had taken to candle-making, and now there were candles absolutely everywhere. All sizes, colours and scents.

And they were _everywhere_. She’d managed to fit five onto the consul table in the narrow hallway, and they each burned in a different colour – red, orange, green, blue and purple. It reminded her of her favourite rainbow-coloured sweets that Auntie Beth sometimes bought her.

“Ah, there you are, dear,” said Auntie Beth as (F/N) walked into the kitchen. She was standing over the sink, peeling potatoes into the washing-up bowl. “Did you have a nice afternoon?”

“It was great, thanks!” gushed (F/N), and proceeded to tell her aunt all about it … Minus the part about Eddie guessing that she was a witch.

Some things were best left unsaid, after all …


	6. Chapter 6

By the time the final days of August were upon her, (F/N) had almost completely memorised her set books for school and felt as though she could tackle whatever came her way when she got to Hogwarts … at least for the first couple of weeks, anyway. She had no idea what to expect otherwise.

She had long since sent Cicero with her own letter to the school, advising the deputy headmistress that she would be in attendance on the first of September, and the little owl had long since returned. He was completely unscathed, and only a little bit tired. His eyes were still very glittery and bright, and he didn’t seem to begrudge the long journey north.

(F/N) tried not to let on that she was nervous about starting at Hogwarts. Having seen Eddie a few times over the last week before they went to senior school, she could tell that he was starting to feel the pressure as well. He wasn’t normally given to nervousness, but a few times he’d looked particularly anxious and – when he came clean about it to her – he confessed that he was indeed feeling a degree of trepidation at the prospect of going to secondary school.

They had promised to write to each other often – (F/N) had said that she would send Cicero fortnightly, something the owl had appeared to agree to when she mentioned this in front of him, bobbing his head up and down and hopping about in his cage.

“All you’ll need to do is take the letter he’s carrying, and send him back to me with your reply,” (F/N) explained. “Cicero will know what to do,”

Eddie nodded in understanding and grinned his usual cheeky grin. It didn’t matter whether he meant it to look mischievous or not – his grin was one of those that always made its wearer look like they were up to something … benevolently nefarious.

“Cool …” said Eddie, looking at Cicero as he continued to dance about in the cage. Through the light layer of bedding (F/N) had provided for the owl, the two friends could still hear his talons clacking against the steel cage floor. “You’re so lucky … How awesome would it be if we _both_ had an owl?”

(F/N) knew he was only talking hypothetically and smiled at him as an answer, but that had given her an idea. She wouldn’t be able to do _this_ time, but she wondered if she’d be able to get Eddie his own owl for either a Christmas or alternatively, one of his birthdays in the next couple of years. It was something she was seriously considering … even if Eddie couldn’t interact with his theoretical owl in the same way witches and wizards could with theirs. It would still make a fabulous pet, of course, and he or she would be able to deliver his post …

(F/N) thought back on this discussion she’d had with her friend as she sat pushing her dinner around her plate. Auntie Beth was taking her back to London in the morning, to catch her train from King’s Cross to Hogwarts – and suddenly she had lost her appetite.

Auntie Beth glanced across the table at her in a mixture of worry and sympathy. “Try to eat something, dear … You’ll need your energy for tomorrow,”

(F/N) didn’t say anything but tried to eat some of the peas on her plate. She looked utterly forlorn, and her aunt couldn’t stand to see her like this. She put down her knife and fork, rose from her seat, and bustled out of the room. (F/N) watched her go, wondering what was going on.

When Auntie Beth returned, (F/N) had gone back to chasing her food around the plate with her fork. She stopped her by holding out a small, neatly wrapped, rectangular parcel. (F/N) took it carefully from her aunt, looking between it and her very curiously as she sat back down at the table.

“I was planning to give it to you tomorrow morning, but I think you’re better off having it now,” said Auntie Beth with a reassuring smile.

(F/N) pushed her plate to one side and tentatively unwrapped the package. Inside was a picture frame, but since she had managed to open the parcel back-to-front, she turned it around. Her heart leapt into her throat and she had to blink several times to register what she was looking at.

In her trembling hands she held a picture of her as a baby, nestled in the arms of a very pretty woman who looked just like her aunt, and whose hair colour and eye-shape she had clearly inherited. A man with mischievous, dark blue eyes and curly, slightly messy, auburn hair stood right beside the woman with his arm lovingly around her shoulders. (F/N) could even see his freckles. Auntie Beth stood on (F/N)’s mother’s other side, smiling at the camera.

The thing that stood out most to (F/N), other than the fact that she’d only ever seen her parents in this single photograph, was the fact that the image was moving. _They_ were moving. As if they were really there, looking fondly back at her. She was _certain_ that they must have been alive, within the photograph …

“I’m sorry you hadn’t seen a picture of them until now …” said Auntie Beth quietly. “… Selfishly, I couldn’t bear the reminder …”

“It’s okay … You don’t have to explain,” said (F/N) with a small smile. She understood that her aunt had lost family members too. She still didn’t know _exactly_ what had happened to her parents, but she could appreciate that it was painful for her aunt to think about.

“I wanted you to have that, though, as a going-away present. Your parents would have been so proud of you, and we _all_ knew you’d go on to do great things. You have nothing to worry about, darling,”

(F/N) was speechless for a moment. To have such faith placed in her felt good, but still a little scary. She still had so many worries – what if she wasn’t good enough? What if she didn’t make any friends? What if she couldn’t live up to her parents’ names?

“ _Please_ don’t worry, sweetheart. You’ll do wonderfully,”

(F/N) gathered up all her courage, smiled, and thanked her aunt. At the very least, she had to put on a brave face for her so that _she_ wouldn’t worry.

One thing was for certain, though – (F/N) Castor would arrive at Hogwarts as a much quieter character than usual.

***

(F/N) had arrived at King’s Cross far earlier than anticipated but had resolved to make her way towards … Platform 9¾, immediately. She had no idea _where_ she would find that, since the station quite clearly did not have in-between platforms, but as soon as she was standing between platforms nine and ten, she heard somebody a couple of years older than her mentioning Hogwarts.

Standing well back, she silently observed the group this particular student was with taking a good run-up and passing clean through the hard, brick wall between the two platforms. They vanished before her eyes, but none of the Muggles milling about seemed to notice a thing.

(F/N) turned around, leaving her luggage trolley where it was, and regarded her aunt who stood a short distance away. She hadn’t appeared to have seen the other students’ mad jump through the solid wall ahead, because her eyes had been otherwise fixed on her niece.

Their exchange was emotional, their temporary farewell filled with unshed tears, but which threatened to spill down their cheeks – more so for Auntie Beth. (F/N) promised to write to her as often as she could and promised to do her best. In turn, she made her aunt promise not to worry herself sick and to look after herself.

With one last, great big hug, (F/N) returned to her trolley (atop which sat Cicero in his cage) and pushed it towards the magical barrier. She gingerly walked up to it and tested the gateway by outstretching a hand – it passed straight through, unscathed. She looked back one final time and, waving to her aunt, pushed her luggage through as casually as she could.

The platform was reasonably quiet, still. She expected it would get much busier in the next fifteen minutes or so, so (F/N) made her way over to the great, scarlet steam engine idling at the platform – 9¾, she noted with glee. A fast, powerful surge of adrenalin and excitement rushed through her veins, which paired with the quickening of her heart for just a moment. All of this was sook replaced once more by the nerves that had been threatening to overwhelm her since the evening before. This was the first time she’d been alone, and she knew that Auntie Beth wouldn’t be hanging around beyond the barrier – there was nothing left for her to see, after all. She had said that she would have loved to have been able to see her off when the train pulled away, but being a Muggle, she didn’t know if she could.

(F/N) couldn’t help lingering for a few minutes to admire the bright red locomotive. She had never seen anything quite like it. Her trance was interrupted, however, by a smiling conductor who very politely asked if he could take her suitcase for her and put it on the train. Accepting his offer just as politely as it had been extended, (F/N) removed Cicero’s cage and her travelling bag (in which she had packed a book, some wizard money, her wand and her uniform as well as the photograph of her family) and made her way towards one of the carriages.

Once inside, she placed Cicero’s cage in the overhead compartment (which was thankfully large enough for it) and made her way along the train until she found a small bathroom, in which she barricaded herself briefly to change into her uniform. When she emerged, she made her way back to the carriage and sat down next to the window, facing forwards.

Now, she just had to wait. She took out the book she’d packed, leafing through the pages until she found a chapter that she’d been particularly interested in. This was one of her set books, _The Standard Book of Spells_ , and she supposed now would be as good a time as any to start practising her spellwork. She took out her wand and began reciting the different incantations she had memorised, only going back to the book to check that she was doing something correctly (and that she wouldn’t blow up the carriage by attempting something in an … alternative fashion.

She was startled suddenly by a kind-looking girl poking her head round the door. She had red hair and noticeably green eyes. Her freckles stood out against her paler skin, suggesting she’d had a bit more sun that summer than her complexion could handle. Her colouring reminded (F/N) of her father, although he was considerably more auburn than the girl who was now staring quite intensely at her.

The girl smiled, however, and came fully into the carriage doorway. (F/N) lowered her wand from where it was pointed at the seat in front of her and quickly stowed it in her robes.

“Hello!” said the girl breezily. “I’m so sorry to ask, but … is anyone else sitting here?”

“No, not at all …”

“Can we join you? My friend and I, we were sitting in another carriage and these two boys just …”

“By all means, please …!” (F/N) said in a bit of a rush, gesturing broadly to the seats in front of her. “I haven’t jinxed them, I promise …” she added as an afterthought, fully interpreting what the girl was saying about two other boys. Obviously, they’d already been given some grief.

She could have slapped herself, though. What a stupid thing to say, she thought – she didn’t want her fellow students thinking _she_ was up to no good already …

The redheaded girl laughed and came in, plonked herself down on the seat opposite the wide-eyed (F/N) and was followed closely by a raven-haired, pale-skinned boy … The very same raven-haired, pale-skinned boy who had walked into Madam Malkin’s as (F/N) was leaving the day she went to Diagon Alley.

(F/N) didn’t say anything about it, and neither did the boy. She was a bit unnerved by his staring, though, and didn’t quite know why he was.

“I’m Lily Evans, by the way,” said the chirpy girl, reaching across to offer a hand to shake. (F/N) took it shyly and shook. “Pleasure to meet you!”

“(F/N) Castor. Pleasure’s all mine,”

Lily, having noticed (F/N)’s quiet demeanour, took this opportunity to introduce her to her friend. “And this is my friend Severus. Severus Snape,” she said, nudging him slightly with her shoulder. “He’s quiet … a bit like you, actually!” she giggled. (F/N) dared to glance at Severus and noticed that he looked rather uncomfortable. He certainly didn’t seem the social type. (F/N) tried to interact with him regardless.

“Nice to meet you,” she said gently.

Severus seemed caught off-guard by her addressing him and managed a brief nod of his head. His dark eyes bore into her like hot coals on snow. Wondering what in the world he could be so fixated on, she returned his gaze and found him all-too quick to look away.

“Maybe we can all be friends?” Lily said optimistically, forcing (F/N) to realise just how little time had passed since she’d spoken to Severus. It had seemed like eons, like they’d been sucked into some kind of portal where time passed much too quickly but terribly slowly at the same time.

(F/N) managed a small smile. “I’d like that …”

She noticed that Severus didn’t say anything but guessed that he felt the same as she did. Nervous to be going to Hogwarts, but at least he was in a different boat to her – _he_ already had a friend. Then again, she supposed that Lily was now her friend as well.

Her heart did a little leap of joy in her chest.


	7. Chapter 7

The Hogwarts Express had long since left King’s Cross, and they had been travelling cross-country for about an hour, but Lily was still chirruping away like a happy songbird, talking about literally anything that came to mind. (F/N) didn’t mind at all but found that she wouldn’t have been able to say anything even if she _could_ get a word in edgeways.

When Lily suddenly decided to ask her a question, however, it caught her unawares despite it being a very simple one. “So, how old were you when you found out you’re a witch?”

(F/N) stopped to think about it for a moment before answering. Even though he’d been completely silent since joining them in the carriage, Severus also seemed vaguely interested in her answer. “I suppose I knew when I was about seven, but weird things always happened around me right from when I was a toddler, apparently,”

Lily bounced excitedly in her seat. “Oh, wow! Me too!” she squeaked. “My parents were quite surprised when they found out I was a witch. They’re both Muggles, you see, and so is my sister. Sev’s mum’s a witch, so they weren’t really surprised when he turned out to be a wizard … What about you? Were your parents surprised, or …?”

(F/N) felt a strange shiver run up her spine. Auntie Beth had always suspected, and her parents had anticipated her being a witch, according to their letter to her. Did she have to put this delicately, or …?

Deciding honesty was the best policy, (F/N) told Lily (and Severus) what she knew. “My aunt said she always knew what I’d become … She said my mum was a witch, and my dad was a wizard,”

“Wait, “ _was”_?” repeated Lily, one hand making its way towards her mouth as though she’d been told something horrible. “Your parents … are they not … I’m so sorry …”

“It’s all right,” (F/N) said with a reassuring smile, knowing what Lily was so horrified about. She wasn’t to know that (F/N) had been raised by her aunt. “I was only a few weeks old,”

The way she said it told Lily that, because she’d been so young when her aunt had taken her in, her lack of memories of her parents didn’t affect her quite as badly as it might have done if she’d been a bit older. Of course, it saddened her greatly, but she knew so few details about what happened to them that she supposed this fact alone was there to protect her from misery.

“You’re so brave,” said Lily, a little awe-struck. “I wonder what house you’ll be in …”

“House?” (F/N) cocked her head slightly, wondering what Lily was referring to.

“Which Hogwarts house, of course! There are four: Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin …”

“Oh, of course … I remember reading about them now that you mention it,”

Lily chuckled. “Do you read a lot?”

(F/N) blushed shyly, busying herself with Cicero now cooing lowly in his cage. Severus took note of this sudden bashfulness, wondering if this Castor girl was actually someone he could grow used to … Someone who didn’t trumpet their own strengths unnecessarily.

“I think you’re a bit of a bookworm – you were reading _The Standard Book of Spells_ when I put my head around the door,” Lily said warmly. “You don’t need to be shy about it,”

(F/N) sat back down very gently, now with Cicero sitting wide-awake on her arm. His feathers were all fluffed-up, and they could just about see his yellow eyes peering through at them.

“Who’s this?” Lily asked sweetly, pointing at the little owl.

“I call him Cicero,” said (F/N) proudly. She was surprised when Lily began to chuckle again. Even Severus looked at her this time.

“Oh, you are _definitely_ a bookworm …” she said between giggles. When she noticed (F/N)’s raised, quizzical eyebrow, she elaborated. “Wasn’t it Cicero who once said, “A room without books is like a body without a soul”?”

It was (F/N)’s turn to smirk, but not unkindly. It was meant to be akin to Lily’s playful teasing, and thankfully it came off as such. “The fact that you know that says a lot about you as well,”

Lily blushed a little. “W-what do you mean?”

“Only a fellow bookworm would know that,” chuckled (F/N) quietly. “But the answer to that would be yes, he did say that,”

Lily and (F/N) shared a knowing smile. They would be good friends for sure, and (F/N) hoped the same could be said for her and Severus.

***

A short while later, an elderly lady came by, pushing a trolley laden with treats. “Anything off the trolley, dears?” she asked kindly.

Lily looked like she’d been smacked in the face by a rogue Doxy. “Oh, no!” she gasped, going white as a sheet.

“What is it?” (F/N) asked quietly.

“I left my money in my suitcase … I was meant to have taken it out, just in case …”

Severus looked at her as though she could do no wrong and seemed very calm indeed. Unperturbed, even. (F/N) looked to the lady with the cart and smiled.

“Please can we have three of everything?” she said, just as gently as she’d greeted Severus. Both he and Lily were surprised by the softness of her voice, watching as she stood and approached the lady.

“Of course, dear,” said the kindly old witch. (F/N) paid her twelve silver Sickles and eight bronze Knuts for the treats before piling them into her arms and making her way back into the coach. She laid them all down on the unoccupied seat before sitting back in her own, taking a moment to pet Cicero who sat patiently by the window.

“Please, help yourselves,” said (F/N) generously.

“You didn’t have to go and do a thing like that!” squealed Lily. “You’re just … Gah! You’re too sweet as it is, you don’t need any more sugar …”

(F/N) could tell that Lily was being playful again, but she was also stunned by her gesture of buying everyone sweets. She grinned, the widest smile she’d managed in a few days, and turned her gaze to the countryside beyond the window. Outside were rolling green fields for as far as the eye could see, and a bright blue sky stretched endlessly in every direction, smudged here and there by wispy white clouds.

Severus was much more reserved, of course, but even his onyx eyes were a fraction wider than they had been. (F/N) waited until her new friends – she considered them both so, despite not having known them very long, or having even had a conversation with one of them – had taken what they wanted from the stockpile of sweets before taking what she fancied.

They sat enjoying their snacks together, regularly discussing what they had (with the exception of Severus who kept to himself even still). When they came to their boxes of Bertie Bott’s Every-Flavour Beans, they looked at each one with mounting suspicion until at last they each had what was considered a ‘gross’ flavour. Lily got dog food, which made her grimace unlike she’d ever grimaced before; Severus got mustard, which made him cough and splutter even though it wasn’t the real thing; and (F/N) got dirt …

“The fact that I knew that one tasted like dirt before I even looked it up says more about me than I’m comfortable with …”

Lily burst out laughing, and (F/N) could have sworn that she even saw Severus crack a slight smile at her comment. It was gone as fast as it had appeared, though, and it made (F/N) wonder if she’d seen it at all.

The trio quickly cleared their palettes with the Chocolate Frogs that waited patiently to be opened. Lily’s made a break for freedom as soon as it was out of its packaging, and (F/N) was forced to use the Freezing Charm on it, stilling it in mid-air so that her new friend could retrieve it.

“How do you know that spell already?” said Lily curiously. Severus also looked at (F/N), wondering just how studious this girl was.

“What, Immobulus?” (F/N) asked in an attempt to clarify, despite knowing perfectly well what Lily was asking. “I’ve … read a few spellbooks. There were a few of my parents’ left at the bottom of a bookshelf at home,”

Lily seemed fascinated by this. “You must know quite a few spells, then …”

“I know … some,” replied (F/N), just as bashfully as she’d behaved when Lily implied her bookishness.

Lily changed the subject, having a few questions for her new friend, now. “Where did you grow up?” she asked.

“A village called Spindlewood Common,” said (F/N) wistfully, feeling a little homesick already. “I don’t suppose anyone outside the place will have heard of it,” she added with a chuckle. When Lily shook her head, and Severus was seen to be wearing an equally lost expression as his redheaded friend’s, (F/N) said, “It’s in Devon … western Dartmoor,” with a slight grin and an upwards jerk of her head as though telling them something little-known.

Again, Lily’s eyes were alit with captivation. “That’s amazing …” she breathed. “I hear it’s almost completely wild out there … Do you see a lot of animals?”

“We saw a herd of ponies the other week …” said (F/N), pained to be reminded of Eddie at that moment in time.

Lily made a sound so sudden and so high-pitched in her excitement that not only did Severus jump a foot towards the carriage door, but she also surprised herself and Cicero ruffled his feathers, wondering what in the world could have made such a noise. (F/N) hardly reacted at all, having grown used to Lily’s ways already. She sensed that she could be much more serious when she wanted to be, although she seemed to have no patience for that at that moment in time.

(F/N) told them about the deer she often saw, the badgers she and Eddie had seen across the weir, all of the owls (Cicero gave a low hoot of approval), bats, foxes and rabbits … She started feeling more and more homesick as she went on, so she stopped herself while she was still smiling.

“I wish we had those sorts of animals where we live, Sev …” Lily said.

“I expect you do have them,” said (F/N) kindly. “You just need to know where to look, and when,”

Lily smiled broadly. “Is that, like, your own unique brand of magic?” she asked inquisitively. (F/N) was a little confused and this obviously registered on her face because Lily added, “Talking to animals, I mean,”

(F/N) bobbed her head from side to side, her lower lip pouting slightly in thought. “I guess I never thought about it. Well, Eddie brought it up once …”

“Your friend back home? He knows you’re a witch?”

“He worked it out for himself. I didn’t have to say a word …” (F/N) admitted. She caught Severus’ eye, spotting him wearing a very odd expression which seemed to be a combination of wariness and mild shock. “He promised not to say anything, and I trust him,”

Lily chuckled then. “Your friend sounds better than my sister, then,” she said bitterly, although she still wore her sunny smile. “She called me a freak when she found out. That was just before I met Sev,”

(F/N) looked squarely at Severus and gave him a smile. “At least you had each other,” she said simply. Lily grinned even wider, and this time Severus seemed caught off-guard. “I wasn’t ever going to tell Eddie, for fear that he’d be scared of my magic. Then he cottoned on to the whole ‘communing with creatures’ thing and put two and two together,”

“And he wasn’t scared?” asked Lily.

“Not even slightly,” said (F/N) with a happy grin of her own. “I think one day he even asked me to teach him … I didn’t enjoy explaining to him why I couldn’t,”

“I wish it were that easy,” said Lily. “My sister might have been a bit nicer about the whole ‘freaky witch’ thing if that were the case,”

(F/N) felt deeply sorry for Lily. Auntie Beth and Eddie were Muggles but _they_ hadn’t said anything spiteful to her about her ‘witchiness’.

As the train journey drew on in silence, (F/N) could hear a strange pulsing growing louder and louder somewhere in her head. At first she worried that it was something medical, but quickly concluded it was of a magical source. Choosing to listen to it, she felt voices enter her mind and quickly start to make sense. Meanwhile, Severus was carefully observing (F/N). Cautious not to let her catch him looking, he tried a new trick he’d picked up that summer. He was still unpracticed, given that he had only recently discovered this ability, but it was to tap into what was going on in another person’s mind. Or so it seemed.

As he attempted to practice on her, (F/N) turned and cast an electrifying (E/C) glance in his direction. She hadn’t taken long in figuring out that the whispering “voices” in her head had something to do with what Severus was doom. That gaze froze him, rooted him to the spot, and made his spine tingle. He wasn’t sure how to feel about it and wasn’t sure if he actually disliked the look itself.

This was _clearly_ a person with great magical potential. He could feel it radiating from her in great, aural arcs. Her aura, like Lily’s, gave the impression that she was kind and trustworthy but he didn’t let himself dwell on this. Nobody was like Lily, and he wouldn’t give himself to trusting another so easily.

He hadn’t had any reason to trust anyone other than Lily before, who was his best friend. She was all he’d ever needed. Now, though, as he watched the other (obviously talented) witch sitting across from him, he wasn’t entirely certain he _couldn’t_ open up to her … Lily liked her, after all, and she was a good judge of character …

Severus decided he would wait and see. He would give this girl a chance, like Lily had. She seemed nice enough … even if she had just put him on the spot with just a look. He supposed he’d just have to let that go. It wouldn’t do to obsess over something like that … Especially if Lily was going to keep this girl around.

Severus was lost in thought, wondering all sorts of different things about this new character. Everyone would be new, of course, but he very much doubted that many would stand out. He clearly hadn’t realised that he was still staring at (F/N), so by the time his penetratingly dark eyes met with (F/N)’s striking (E/C) ones, he realised she’d caught him again.

She continued to look back at him, hardly any expression at all registering on her face. Then, just before Severus could look away for good (he was adamant that she wouldn’t catch him a third time), he spotted the ghost of a smirk dancing on her lips. It was faint, but it was there and although it was crafty it was not unpleasant.

He didn’t know what it was about that simple, cunning smile that made up his mind for him, but in that instant Severus knew that this was someone he would be willing to … tolerate.


	8. Chapter 8

The sun was beginning to fall in the sky, plastering it another beautiful shade of blush that (F/N) was very familiar with. She looked wistfully up into the sky from her window, then down again at the ever-changing landscape. It had transformed to sprawling highlands, vast and breath-taking.

(F/N) could feel in her bones that they weren’t far from their destination. They were certainly in Scotland – they’d been travelling for hours, and she could think of nowhere else this sort of scenery could be found. She could sense that her companions were a little more nervous than before, and her own nerves were certainly back.

Eventually, the Hogwarts Express began to slow and it finally came to a stop, brakes squealing and rails clicking below. (F/N) looked outside again, but could see very little as the sky was, by then, much darker than it had been the last time she’d looked. She couldn’t believe how fast the sun had set.

As Lily and Severus busied themselves with gathering up what belongings they had and putting them back in their carry-on luggage, (F/N) ushered Cicero back into his cage and locked the door behind him. She would carry him as far as he needed to go but found that was only just outside the carriage as there was another porter on hand unloading the cases from the closest compartment. He smiled and took Cicero, assuring (F/N) that he would be taken directly to her new dormitory.

Lily stayed close to (F/N), with Severus staying close to her in turn. (F/N) was relieved to see that they weren’t willing to leave her behind as soon as the train pulled into the station. She told Lily so, very quietly.

“Well, of course we wouldn’t leave you!” she said with a huge grin. “We’re _friends_ ,”

(F/N) felt her heart swell with joy. Suddenly they all turned to the sound of a very, very large man with a lot of shaggy black hair calling out to them. He was absolutely gigantic, and as they drew nearer they saw the full extent to which he towered over everyone.

“Firs’ years, this way!” he shouted above the hustle and bustle of the students. He was beckoning them all over with hands the size of shovels – (F/N) figured that a single hand was probably bigger than her head. “Come on, everyone! Firs’ years over here!”

(F/N), Lily and Severus all made their way after the colossal man, wondering who he was and where he’d come from, and how he’d managed to go unseen beforehand. He was obviously one of the members of staff at Hogwarts, but it made (F/N) wonder how he fit through any doors, even if Hogwarts _was_ a castle. He seemed gargantuan.

As they walked with their fellow first years they made their way down a dark, narrow and rather slippery slope which meandered away from the train station and off on an unknown trail between the trees.

“You’ll get yer firs’ glimpse o’ Hogwarts in a moment,” said the huge man leading them. Sure enough, as they turned another slight corner, there loomed the sight of what turned out to be an even bigger castle than (F/N) had expected. Many of the windows glowed golden against the dark backdrop of the night sky, now dyed deep indigo by the onset of evening. They stood at the very edge of a deep black, rippling lake, where several little boats awaited them. Everyone was in awe of what they were seeing, too enraptured to make much noise at all.

The enormous man lumbered into one of the boats by himself and called to everyone, “No more’n four to a boat!”, indicating they should all be getting into boats themselves. (F/N), Lily and Severus all climbed into one and were followed by a girl who sadly seemed to be on her own. (F/N) gave her a small, reassuring smile for she, at least, looked even more anxious than (F/N) felt. No words were exchanged, but the girl gave (F/N) a look to suggest that she appreciated her gesture.

“Everyone in? Ready to go?” called the man again. “Right then – FORWARD!” As he said this, the fleet of boats all moved off in unison towards the castle and its many towers and turrets. (F/N) felt her heart catch in her throat again to think of what might happen when she had been fully inducted into the school, but forced her mind to leave the thought alone for now.

It wouldn’t do to worry herself before she _had_ to worry.

The boats almost seemed to slide across the lake, which were now considerably calmer – there had been a cool breeze before, disturbing the waters. Now it was like a millpond.

“Heads down!” instructed the big man loudly, alerting (F/N) to the fact that they had already reached the cliff supporting the castle. (F/N)’s boat’s occupants watched as the two ahead of them went through a curtain of thick, trailing ivy, and ducked their heads as theirs followed suit. The ivy had been concealing a cavernous opening in the cliff face, which they continued on through until they reached what seemed to be an underground jetty. (F/N) guessed that they must have been right underneath the castle itself and was quickly proven correct as they disembarked and followed the man up a small staircase carved into the rock.

After what seemed like a much longer stretch of time than it really was, they popped out on the other side and walked across fresh, dewy grass, into a stone courtyard and up to a great, oak front door. (F/N) was eager to look around, both to get a feel for this amazing place whose magic she could feel pulsing all around her but also to get away from the fear of what was to come next.

Would there be some sort of test? She could sense that there were a lot of people waiting up ahead and wondered if they’d all be judging them as newcomers. Lily seemed to detect her apprehension though, and gently took her hand to squeeze it comfortingly. (F/N) glanced at her and gave a grateful smile.

The huge man didn’t say anything else but raised a massive fist and knocked thrice upon the door. He stood, waiting patiently to be answered.

It seemed like hours before anyone came to the door. When it finally did open up, a tall, black-haired woman stood before them. She wore small, square spectacles, a black hat atop her immaculate hair and emerald-green robes. Her expression was stern, but (F/N) didn’t feel as though she would be _completely_ immovable … so long as one abided by the rules.

“The firs’ years, Professor McGonagall,” said the man.

“Thank you, Hagrid. I’ll take them inside,”

Professor McGonagall opened the door fully and motioned for the new students to follow her. They all walked in silence, save the sounds of their shoes against the flagstones, but this was surely because of the professor’s strict demeanour and the complete amazement they felt. (F/N) looked everywhere at once, unable to believe her eyes. The entrance hall was so large she felt like no more than a speck moving across its length, totally dwarfed by the room’s enormity. As they moved deeper into the castle, she heard what sounded like hundreds of muffled voices coming from another room. She took this to mean that the rest of the school was already there.

It was not a comforting thought, since that _had_ to mean that the first-years would certainly end up the centre of attention in front of them all.

Professor McGonagall, still as silent as she had been after leaving Hagrid at the door, led the students into a small chamber just off from the hall where the rest of the school could be heard chatting among themselves. The first-years all huddled together, staring up at Professor McGonagall with wide eyes. This was by no means the first time she had seen students look so bewildered and anxious, nor would it be the last.

“Welcome to Hogwarts,” she said suddenly, startling them a little. “The start of term feast will begin shortly, but before you can take your seat in the Great Hall you must each be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts,”

(F/N) noticed Lily glancing excitedly at her out of the corner of her eye. When she dared to look away from Professor McGonagall, Lily (nearly silently) whispered that she hoped the three of them would all be in the same house. Professor McGonagall appeared to have noticed that someone was whispering and quickly turned her attention in their direction, but Lily looked back just in time to avoid the professor’s piercing stare.

“As some of you may already know, the four houses are Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Each house has its own noble history, and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. During your time here, your victories will earn your house points, whereas any rule-breaking will lose points. At the end of the year, the house with the most points will be awarded the House Cup, a great honour. I hope that all of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours,”

(F/N) liked Professor McGonagall. She was strict, yes, and quite clearly someone you would have to be stupid to cross, but there was something distinctly trustworthy about her. She would be someone to look up to, certainly.

“The Sorting …” Professor McGonagall went on. “… will begin momentarily, in front of the rest of the school. I recommend you all neaten yourselves up while you are waiting – I shall return when we are ready for you. Please wait quietly,”

Her sharp gaze swept over several of the students in the crowd, singling out in one fell swoop who the ones in dire need of smartening up were. Still, (F/N) brushed her hands over her robes to be rid of any nuisance creases, Lily patted her hair nervously, and Severus simply checked to see if his shoelaces were tied.

It didn’t take long for someone to pipe up once the teacher had left the room, however, and the voice came from a rather smug-looking boy standing just behind Severus.

“Well, well – look who it is!” he sniggered, causing everyone near him to stare, and everyone who _couldn’t_ see him to crane their necks for a better look. “It’s our friend from the train!”

(F/N) looked over her shoulder at the boy. He had shoulder-length, wavy black hair, cheeky grey eyes and a glint in them that told her he had the devil about him. Were it not for the smirk on his face – which actually seemed rather nasty – she might have thought him decent-looking.

“Please don’t start this again … Whoever-You-Are,” Lily hissed, protecting Severus who was quite obviously this boy’s target.

“Sirius,” he said proudly, puffing out his chest a little. “Sirius Black. A name I’m sure people will know quite quickly,”

“ _The nerve on this one …_ ” thought (F/N) incredulously. “ _How arrogant,_ ”

She glanced at Severus and saw that he was desperately trying to ignore Black. Lily also looked uncomfortable, so to see the first two friends she had made at Hogwarts feeling so awkward made (F/N)’s blood boil. She didn’t think that she needed to have known them very long (this was especially true of Severus, as she still hadn’t actually heard him speak) to feel justified in standing up for them …

“You know, I think you could be right. Everyone _will_ know your name,” she said, in a low and decidedly dangerous tone of voice. Black turned to regard her with his devilish stare – as did his bespectacled friend – and Lily and Severus stared at her with wide and grateful eyes.

Black stared at her, waiting for her to go on.

“Broadcasting your name into a silent room, which happens to contain your entire year group, will make you known,” she said, like it was obvious.

Black _continued_ to stare at her, but it was more of a look of disbelief that someone else was actually gutsy enough to stand up to him. “So what?” he growled.

“It was a bit of a stupid thing to say, don’t you think?” (F/N) purred. Her expression was alarmingly tranquil, and without a trace of what she was really thinking.

“So you’re calling me stupid, is that was this is?” growled Black, taking half a step forward. (F/N) didn’t even turn her body – she just kept her eyes trained on him from over her shoulder. Her silence seemed to spur the boy on. “Are you _really_ calling me stupid?” he pushed.

“Keep talking,” (F/N) said with a smirk. Lily and Severus, and indeed the rest of the year group, looked on in surprise as this otherwise quiet girl goaded the boy who was currently the most rebellious in their year (if his present behaviour was anything to judge by).

“Who do you think you are?!” he barked, looking back to his friend standing on his right.

“That is enough!” shouted Professor McGonagall, storming back into the room. (F/N) had long since returned her gaze to the front of the chamber, ignoring Black and letting him get himself worked up over what she’d said to him. Lily was doing everything in her power to conceal the smirk threatening to appear on her face, and even Severus wore a small grin.

Professor McGonagall looked appalled by Black’s conduct, and it wasn’t until he had partially forgotten about the incident from a minute prior that he realised what a fool he looked.

The professor said no more, but swiftly gestured for them to follow suit and turned on her heels, striding briskly from the room. The first-years followed quickly, but the whispering of certain people could not be heard by Professor McGonagall over the sound of their hurried footfalls.

“Not the best first impression for _him_ , eh?” whispered Lily excitedly. “Thank you so much for what you did …”

(F/N) simply smiled at her in response, desperate to not be heard by the already irritated teacher leading them towards the Great Hall. If Lily wanted to discuss this at a less perilous time, she would of course answer her properly.

“She’ll bloody pay for that … making me look like an idiot in front of everyone … getting me in trouble …” she heard Black muttering bitterly behind her.

“Too right,” she heard his friend reply. Clearly they couldn’t have cared less about being overheard by Professor McGonagall.

The group came to an abrupt halt just behind her, as she had spun back around to face them. She glared straight at Black, her eyes falling just past (F/N)’s head, which pleased her greatly. That would teach him to pick on her friends.

“Form a line, and follow me,” said Professor McGonagall, much calmer now that everyone had fallen silent again. Everyone rushed to do as she instructed, Severus standing in front of (F/N), and (F/N) standing in front of Lily. When all students were in position, Professor McGonagall opened the great double doors and led them inside.

(F/N) had never seen anything so fabulous in her entire life. The hall was gigantic, lit by thousands of candles floating in mid-air which cast the room in a warm, golden glow. To walk into it felt like being hugged. She was so enthralled by the room itself that she was just about capable of ignoring the staring faces watching them walk to the front. Students sat on extremely long tables, four of them, and the teachers sat right at the front overlooking the rest of the hall. Above them, a very obviously enchanted ceiling showed a beautiful night sky – as (F/N) looked up, a shooting star crossed the ceiling and disappeared into the wall. She remembered having read about it in another of her books.

When they reached the front of the hall, the first-years gathered around as Professor McGonagall silently placed a four-legged stool in front of them, atop which she left a large, pointed wizard’s hat that had most certainly seen better days. Well-loved, (F/N) supposed … It was patched and frayed and very dirty, almost as if a dog had got hold of it, gnawed on it a bit and then tried to bury it somewhere on the castle grounds.

(F/N) wondered what this hat had to do with their Sorting. She mulled it over in her head, going through all the possibilities that were conceivable to her, before realising that everyone in the hall was staring at the hat, craning around to look at it sat quietly on the stool. Then, before their very eyes, a tear appeared just above the brim that happened to look just like a mouth. (F/N) could have sworn that there were also indentations a little further up the length of the bedraggled hat, that looked just like sunken eyes – or at least eyes that were mostly overhung by large, fabric eyebrows.

The rip above the brim opened wider, and the hat broke the absolute silence with a song:

“ _Oh, you may not think I’m pretty,_

_But don’t judge on what you see,_

_I’ll eat myself if you can find_

_A smarter hat than me._

_You can keep your bowlers black,_

_Your top hats sleek and tall,_

_For I’m the Hogwarts Sorting Hat_

_And I can cap them all._

_There’s nothing hidden in your head_

_The Sorting Hat can’t see,_

_So try me on and I will tell you_

_Where you ought to be.”_

_“Ah!”_ thought (F/N) suddenly, coming to the realisation of what the Sorting would involve. The Sorting Hat needed to be worn – it had said so itself. With this realisation, however, different concerns came to mind for the nervous young witch. As she listened to the hat continue its song, it told them of the four houses mentioned before, and an example of the different traits the houses’ students often held. (F/N) wondered which houses her parents had belonged to, and worried that she wouldn’t be the same. She worried that she would be a disappointment to whichever house she was assigned to … and then worried that she wouldn’t be placed at all. What if she wasn’t good enough for _any_ of them …?

Once the hat was quite finished, Professor McGonagall took out a long roll of parchment and waited patiently for the rancorous ovation to die down, as the rest of the school applauded the Sorting Hat’s singing.

“When I call your name,” she announced, “you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted,”

(F/N) felt her stomach drop. She did _not_ want to go first. As soon as names began to reel off the list, she realised it was not written in alphabetical order, for some reason …

“Bradshaw, Edith!” called Professor McGonagall. A girl with long, black hair and quick, silvery eyes stepped forwards from among the students behind (F/N), Lily and Severus. She was quite pretty but had a pallor to her skin that made her look a little ghostly.

She put on the Sorting Hat and hopped up onto the stool, straightening her skirt and robes as she did so. The hat didn’t take long to decide where to put her.

“SLYTHERIN!” it cried, making the girl smile slightly. She removed the hat, placed it back where she had found it, and made her way over to the Slytherin table where the entirety of the house was clapping for her.

‘Saint, Robert’ was the next to go. He was a boy with wild-looking brown curls and cheeky blue eyes but he maintained a calm and quiet aura. Standing so close to the front of the crowd, (F/N) could see all of these finer details. There was a brief pause before –

“RAVENCLAW!” declared the hat. Robert Saint smiled just as Edith Bradshaw had, and went to join his fellow Ravenclaws. (F/N) thought Saint had looked like a clever one.

There were four students in particular who caught (F/N)’s eye as they took their turns with the Sorting Hat. They were called up at different times, with a sprinkling of other students who ended up going to other houses between them, but these four all ended up in Gryffindor. Sirius Black went up, was sorted into Gryffindor, then sat down at his table. Then there was a Ravenclaw, a Slytherin, then Black’s bespectacled friend James Potter.

Shortly after, with a few more students between them, a boy called Remus Lupin went to Gryffindor and Black seemed to take an immediate liking to the comparatively shy boy. There was another, who had been so attached to Lupin that he almost followed him to the Sorting Hat, called Peter Pettigrew and he too became a Gryffindor after the hat took a lot longer to Sort him than other students. He went to the Gryffindor table with an extremely relieved look on his pudgy face. Sitting next to Lupin, who in turn sat next to Potter and Black, Pettigrew was drawn into nervous conversation with the two much more confident boys.

(F/N) wasn’t opposed to being in _any_ house, but still worried that she would go into one that hadn’t belonged to one of her parents – even though she didn’t know which house (or houses) they _had_ belonged to. Now, her concerns also lay with the fact that these troublesome boys were all in Gryffindor, and she wasn’t sure that she wanted to be associated with them …

Several more students went to the front. ‘Warr, Nathaniel’ was another Ravenclaw, whereas ‘Bunbury, Samuel’ and ‘Partridge, Cyrus’ were two very proud-looking Hufflepuffs. ‘Molloy, Clara’ went with them. ‘MacDonald, Mary’ joined Gryffindor, and ‘Ayrton, Evelyn’ trotted off happily to the same table. (F/N) recognised her as the girl who had been the fourth occupant of their boat across the lake and clapped a little louder for her than she had the others.

(F/N)’s attention was drawn very suddenly back to the fore, hearing “Snape, Severus!” ring out above the cacophonous applause of the four tables. The room grew a little hushed as the quiet boy made his way to the front of the hall, looking neither confident nor nervous to be going when Lily hadn’t even gone yet.

The hat drooped right down over Severus’ eyes, just as it did for all of the other students, but it didn’t take long to decide where he should go, either. “SLYTHERIN!” it announced, and Severus made his way to his jubilant housemates. (F/N) couldn’t quite decide what it was about the Slytherins but, with the exception of Severus and Edith Bradshaw, many of them seemed to have a very sly and cunning look about them. She wondered if that was because of how they’d been described by others, and she was perhaps a little biased.

As Severus went to sit down, he turned on his heels very abruptly as they all heard ‘Evans, Lily’ being called. The red-haired girl approached the stool, put the large hat on her head and sat down. The Sorting Hat seemed to mull it over a little longer than it had with Severus, but its decision was very loud and almost triumphant. “GRYFFINDOR!” it bellowed.

Lily hopped down and went to join the others. She gave (F/N) a warm smile that seemed to squeal “good luck” at her as she went by, but as soon as (F/N) managed to get a glimpse of Severus again she saw how he looked completely and utterly crestfallen. She felt terrible for him, but that curdled horribly in her already-churning stomach with the butterflies flitting about, knowing she was the last of the trio to be placed and this left her feeling rather lonely. She wondered if Severus would be pleased if she became a Slytherin – she truly couldn’t tell because he hadn’t spoken to her yet.

A couple of boys after Lily’s Sorting were sent off to Slytherin table, grinning rather smugly as they went. ‘Applegate, Alice’ seemed to puzzle the hat a bit too, but it ultimately went with Ravenclaw. (F/N) overheard her telling the other Ravenclaws that the hat was wondering if she should be a Hufflepuff. Finally, Professor McGonagall took another glance at her parchment and called, “Castor, (F/N)!”

The young witch gulped, gingerly making her way to the stool and picking up the hat. Before she placed it on her head, she fancied that a few of the professors watched her a little more closely than they had the other students. In particular, Professor McGonagall seemed to study her as though she had seen her somewhere before and Professor Dumbledore, sitting in the very centre of the High Table, almost proved to be a distraction for (F/N) as her sudden awareness of the Headmaster was quite profound. He was a kind and eccentric-looking man, sporting long white hair and a long white beard, half-moon spectacles and spectacular robes of richest purple, decorated with silver stars and moons. She’d never seen anyone like him.

The hat slipped down over her eyes and the process began. She could only see the floor if she looked all the way down, bathed in candlelight, and nothing else but the inside of the hat. Then, the most curious of voices could be heard – it was almost in her head but sounded as though it was actually speaking aloud. However, having watched many other Sortings before hers, (F/N) knew that nobody could hear what the hat was saying.

“Ahh …” it crooned. “So, we have another Castor. I did wonder … The question is, what do we do with you? Your father was a Gryffindor, a very good one. Very good for his house. You would do very well there, too … It’s all there – you’re a brave one, nerves of steel when you need them … You’re nervous now, but it won’t be for long, hm?”

(F/N) wasn’t sure if she should respond, so just kept her mouth shut and let the hat think on.

“That aside, your mother was a Ravenclaw. Oh yes, a very clever woman, your mother. That’s all here, too. So studious, so intelligent … very wise. Not much gets past you, does it? Hmm …”

Still the hat went on, musing on several different points, almost fighting with itself to choose a house for her. She was getting very worried now … What if there really was no house for her? What if she was house-less? This was the stuff of her most recent nightmares …

“Then again, you would even do well in one of the _other_ houses. You don’t _have_ to follow after your parents. You’re very determined … very ambitious. What a good Slytherin you’d make … But maybe you’re a little too kind … very loyal … hardworking … A good Hufflepuff too, I think … Oh my, oh my …”

(F/N) shifted uneasily on the stool. It had been a good few minutes, possibly even longer than it had taken the hat to decide where to put Pettigrew. She felt what was probably ‘mild distress’ tingling in the back of her mind, making her want to do nothing but discard the hat and run out of the door. Or maybe jump out of the window … Whichever route was fastest.

The hat went completely silent. For a good minute it said nothing, and finally it came to a point when (F/N) lifted the brim of the hat from over her eyes and glanced worriedly up at Professor McGonagall, who seemed to be just as shocked as she was.

“… Did I miss it …?” (F/N) asked in a very tiny voice. “… Did it say where I should go?”

Professor McGonagall shook her head minimally from side to side, wearing a rather confounded expression. She gently removed the hat from (F/N)’s head, and very quietly asked her to re-join her fellow, un-Sorted first-years.

(F/N) felt like crying. How embarrassing … The hat really _hadn’t_ been able to choose. Or had she somehow broken it? Of course, it hadn’t said anything _bad_ about her, but couldn’t that also be taken to mean that she was simply … unremarkable?

‘Eccles, Clement’ went next and was very swiftly sent off to Hufflepuff. ‘Rosenthal, Ruth’ was, too. So it wasn’t broken, that was for sure. ‘Khan, Faizan’ and ‘Khan, Yalina,”, who were apparently cousins – if the whispers around the room were to be believed – were then called one after the other and were sorted into Gryffindor and Ravenclaw respectively. Lastly, a boy with sandy blond hair and just as frightened an expression as (F/N)’s was called. He was ‘Blythe, Haydn’ and, for one whose name meant ‘fire’, he actually looked as though someone had thrown a bucket of icy water over him when he heard his name.

He was, however, to become a Gryffindor and he made his way to that table, shooting (F/N) with an apologetic expression but making haste to a free seat. After what seemed like years, (F/N) was beckoned back to the stool and told to put the hat back on.

“Ah, it’s you again. Yes, well … After some consideration, I’ve decided … No, wait …”

The hat seemed just as mystified as ever, and (F/N)’s fingers curled anxiously around the edges of the stool, gripping the seat so tightly her knuckles turned white.

“… You have been a very difficult witch to place, Castor. Not nearly as easy as your parents. But that isn’t a bad thing … I do like a challenge every now and again. So strange to have _two_ hatstalls in the same year, though … Hmph!”

(F/N) flinched slightly as the hat made a noise which sounded almost like someone getting a face-full of spiderweb. It had clearly thought of something.

“I … I do believe I see something … a little deeper. Something that lies hidden. You are … fierce. You will be _marvellous_ … and after all of this, I think the best house to bring that out will be …”

(F/N) clenched her eyes shut, wondering who she would _finally_ get to call her housemates …

“ _GRYFFINDOR_!” screamed the hat, seemingly relieved to have come to a decision at long last.

She felt all of the air leave her at once, draining from her body like air from a punctured tyre. She wasn’t quite sure she hadn’t made a noise like a balloon going down. She hadn’t even realised that she was still sitting there until Professor McGonagall took the hat off her head herself – again. (F/N) rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, but her smile was a mile wide and she ran off to join Lily who was now standing and clapping louder than anyone else in the entire hall. (F/N) was so relieved to have a house to belong to that she didn’t even care that Black and company were there too.

Maybe they would all learn to get along …

Meanwhile, Professor McGonagall was moving the hat (on top of the stool) off to the side of the hall to make room for Professor Dumbledore. He stood, in those long purple robes and with his long white hair, waiting for the cheering and clapping to die down, before finally addressing the school.

“Welcome!” he announced. “Welcome to another year at Hogwarts, and welcome to our new first-years! I am quite certain that you will all do excellently. Now, before we begin our splendid banquet, I encourage you all to enjoy yourselves but not to _overindulge_. Given that all of the first classes of the year had to be postponed last year, due to widespread and terrible tummy-aches, I think it wise to assume that we are all in agreement that this should be avoided, at all costs, in the future. On a more serious note, the Forbidden Forest – as ever – is off-limits to students at all times, therefore I ask that you all heed this warning and do not wander too near,”

Many of the students looked at each other in befuddlement, given how Professor Dumbledore was smiling, still, as he spoke. A few people began to clap very tentatively, which seemed to remind the Headmaster that he was still standing at the podium, causing him to thank the room and return to his large, gilded seat.

(F/N) tried not to giggle. How very odd his speech had been …

Then, before their eyes, the golden platters in front of them began to fill with all kinds of wonderful foods, the pitchers doing the same with different beverages. (F/N)’s eyes lit up as she realised just how ravenous she was, now that she wasn’t scared out of her wits. She took a little bit of everything, constructing for herself what basically ended up being a traditional roast dinner.

Lily babbled happily away to her, chirruping like a blackbird at dawn, a conversation which (F/N) gladly participated in. Unfortunately, neither of them had noticed the forlorn expression worn by Severus as both girls had made their way to the Gryffindor table.

Severus had been welcomed by Slytherin, and he was pleased to have been named as one. But seeing his very best friend become a Gryffindor was … well. It was a horrible feeling, to put it bluntly. His dark eyes had searched for her but had lost her as she sat down. Then, despite himself, Severus found himself hoping rather a lot that (F/N) would find herself in Slytherin with him … At least then he’d have had someone he knew, and someone he knew wouldn’t reject him (she hadn’t done so on the train, after all).

But no. Despite the Sorting Hat having to take a _break_ to think about where to put her, she had gone to Gryffindor with Lily, along with those boys in their year who, in Severus’ eyes, were utter pigs. And that was an insult to pigs everywhere. He found it a hard pill to swallow but tried to focus on his new housemates. He tried to focus on _eating_.

It was difficult. All he could think about was Lily … _and_ (F/N). For this reason, he was grateful for the distraction of one of his House Prefects, sixth-year Lucius Malfoy, coming over and congratulating him on making Slytherin. Still, that wouldn’t stop his attention from returning to the Gryffindor girls in time.


	9. Chapter 9

In spite of Professor Dumbledore’s warnings not to overeat, several among the student body did indeed overindulge and most of them, while they were still very much mobile, waddled out of the Great Hall with their hands resting on their full, round bellies.

Lily and (F/N) walked side by side as they followed the rest of the Gryffindors out of the hall after their marvellous dinner, led by one of their house Prefects whose name was Barnaby Foster. He was a tall, smiley boy with hair so light it was almost white, but eyes so dark they were almost black. He looked almost ethereal, but his presence was distinctly friendly and his aura very warm. (F/N) and Lily chatted happily, just like the rest of the students, as they made their way up a staircase but were stopped abruptly by the sight of the other staircases _moving._

“Yes, you’ll want to keep an eye on these,” said Barnaby. “They’re always moving – you need to pay attention, so you get where you need to go and get there _when_ you need to get there!” he chuckled.

The first-years followed him closely up each staircase he walked to, some of them even grabbing the thick stone bannisters as they began to move again, despite the movement itself being very smooth – there was no chance anyone would be shaken off, although that was what some of the students seemed to think.

Lining the walls, and reaching high above them, were many, many moving paintings of various scenes. One held a girl in a white dress, who held a small bouquet of flowers. She waved in a friendly manner as they went by. In the next painting (F/N) looked at in closer detail, a group of men who appeared to be either doctors or scientists tried to decide whether to give in to their curiosity of the new students or continue with their work.

At last they all came to a portrait of a plump woman in a pink silk dress. She had tightly curled hair and sat rather regally in the centre. She regarded Barnaby with a detached – but not cold – air of importance.

“Password?” she said slowly, and in a slightly haughty tone of voice.

“Horse Feathers,” replied Barnaby, casting a meaningful look back over his shoulder at his charges, as though to indicate to them that this is what they should say when they were asked for the password by the woman in pink. The woman nodded her head graciously and made a sweeping gesture with her hand, causing her entire portrait to swing away from the wall as though on a hinge, revealing a large opening in the wall behind her. Barnaby stepped through, making short work of the large step in front, and led the first-years through to a very warm, cosy room which was decorated mostly in red but in all sorts of invigorating shades, and filled with squishy furniture.

“Welcome to the Gryffindor Common Room,” said Barnaby. “The lady in the picture out front was the Fat Lady, and she guards the door. When she asks for the password, you say ‘Horse Feathers’, and she’ll let you in. The passwords do change periodically, but don’t worry – we’ll make sure you all have the new password in time for when you return,”

Barnaby went on to explain a few more things about Gryffindor house, about how they were founded ten centuries ago by Godric Gryffindor alongside the other house founders who created the other three houses, how their main values were courage, daring, nerve and chivalry, and various other bits and bobs he thought would be useful for them to know before sending them all off to bed.

“Girls are this way, boys are that way,” said the Prefect pointing in the appropriate directions. Lily tugged on (F/N)’s hand and pulled her after her, making a beeline for where the other girls were headed. They made their way up a spiralling staircase, presumably up into the tower, until they finally found their room.

Inside were five four-poster beds hung with velvet curtains in deep ruby, and (F/N) was relieved to see that her trunk had already been dropped off here. Cicero sat quietly and patiently on a perch near her bed, and hooted lowly and contentedly when she came over to gently stroke his feathery chest; she wondered, though, why he wasn’t in the Owlery she’d read about _._ (F/N) looked around to see that Lily had been given the bed next to hers, identical in every way, just as the other three girls they would be sharing with came to join them in the room.

There was Evelyn Ayrton, the girl with light blonde hair and warm brown eyes they’d shared the boat with, and who smiled sweetly at (F/N) as she remembered how she had clapped for her upon being made Gryffindor. The other two girls warmly introduced themselves as Catherine (Cathy to her friends) Huxley and Julie Glass, two girls with long black hair and light blue eyes, and who were apparently not related in any way. The three other girls all made their way to their beds and despite beginning an excited conversation about everything that had happened that day, they quickly came to realise how tired they were.

Making the decision to just prepare for bed and go to sleep, the girls all changed into their pyjamas, took turns in the bathroom brushing their teeth, and brushed their hair before climbing beneath the covers. (F/N) simply pulled her hair into a lazy ponytail for the purpose of avoiding having knotty hair in the morning and did the same as her roommates.

She was asleep in seconds, cast into total darkness and utter stillness. It was the sort of sleep you might not have expected any dreams to be borne of, but dream she did …

Much like she had back at home, she dreamed of a wooded scene where the sunlight streaming through the trees was golden, and the ground underfoot was soft where the grass grew. Fairies flitted about, dancing gracefully among the wildflowers, and when she thought to look up she saw the dragons wheeling about in a sky of sapphire – considerably darker than it had been the first time she’d seen it. It looked like a midsummer sky, threatening a storm.

The silhouettes of people walked in and out of the trees, but she couldn’t make out whether she might have known any of them. A faint whisper was carried to her on the wind, a whisper that sounded as though many people were murmuring at once. A blur of sound, and nothing more. She could nether ignore it nor grasp any words.

She pushed on into the woods, curious of what she might find this time. She wondered if she would be joined by the same person who came to her before. She wouldn’t look for them, not knowing who they were, but even in this dream she would have her wits about her, and she would be finely attuned to this strange, magical world. She would know if anyone else was there.

As (F/N) went deeper, the woods grew darker and the encroaching shadows became unmoving and rather cold. Glancing behind her, she saw that the golden grove was still there and ready to welcome her back from this shaded copse. Still, she felt compelled to explore and dared herself to go further, dried leaves crackling underfoot. (F/N) looked and realised she was still wearing her pyjamas, but this didn’t bother her much. There was no wind now, and everything was very still. It was almost as if time had slowed to a stop. What was strangest, however, was the presence of the whispering – she had grown so accustomed to it now that she had supposed that the woods were otherwise silent. She had accepted it, despite having thought she wouldn’t be able to ignore it.

Even now, in the darkness, she could see people’s silhouettes standing among the next row of trees. They did not frighten her, but as they did not move and did not speak, she could not help the rising discomfort from taking hold of her. A low, silvery mist had drifted in from somewhere, and it came all the way up to her knees. When she peered deeper into the murk ahead, trying (unsuccessfully) to make out a face on one of the shadow-people, she realised that the fog was coming from ahead. It seemed to make her vision blurry and soon she could see no further than five paces. As she resigned herself to not being able to see what lay beyond, she made to turn back, but her eyes were drawn by the sudden scarpering of the mysterious people in the mist.

“Wait …” she called out, but her voice was muffled by the fog which now enveloped her, having risen silently and without warning. She called out again, but her voice was completely stolen. Rendered mute, (F/N) turned around and came face-to-face with a very tall, very dark … shadow. Startled by their presence and lack of features, she stumbled backwards and fell over a particularly sturdy root. She scrambled backwards, unable to scream, as the figure approached. Just as she was about to jump up and run, the figure reached down and gripped her forearm, pulling her up to them.

Everything stood still again. The person was warm, despite being nothing more than a shadow. More than that, they felt … familiar. They had no scent, or any other indication of who they were, but they were warm, and their presence was suddenly inviting. (F/N) looked up into their featureless face, still seeing nothing, but realised they were looking down at her. If she had to go with her instinct, she would have said that the person was smiling.

The edges of her vision started to fade, heralding the end of the dream. The figure took her by the hand and led her back towards the golden gateway she’d entered through. It somehow seemed further away than when she’d last checked. When the light warmed her skin once more, the person released her hand and allowed her to fade away.

(F/N) awoke with a start; she was shaking a little but otherwise all right. Her eyes were blown wide with surprise, and her heart was thumping wildly in her chest. She looked all around the dark room, only just being able to make out the shapes of the other beds. None of the girls had remembered to close the curtains around their beds, but (F/N) couldn’t even make out the shapes of her slumbering roommates for how murky it was. Sitting up in bed, she rubbed her eyes a few times before lying back down and staring at the ceiling.

What had that dream been about, exactly? No one had spoken to her _directly_ , but that person had been there … They had been so warm to the touch, so completely inoffensive once she’d been picked up off the floor, and she was actually disappointed that the dream was over … She’d wanted them to stay, and to reveal their identity …

There was no use dwelling on it any further. She had to be up again in a few hours and so had to try and go back to sleep. She rolled over to face Cicero’s perch and saw that he was still sitting there, as patiently as ever. (F/N) quickly pushed back the covers and approached him, encouraging him to hop onto her outstretched arm, and took him over to the window which she then opened. The little owl looked up at her with an expression that resembled gratitude and flew off into the night.

Returning to her bed, (F/N) climbed in and snuggled down. She pulled the duvet right up to her chin and fell asleep just as swiftly as the first time. Looking forward to her first classes, (F/N) hoped that this time she would dream of something more to do with Hogwarts, and something significantly less ambiguous than what had come before.

***

Lily awoke that morning to see her friend (F/N) sitting on her bed, leafing through her copy of _The Standard Book of Spells_ again. She had already showered and dressed, and her hair was neatly brushed despite it not even being half past seven yet.

“You’re up early …” she mumbled groggily, rubbing her eye with the back of her hand and yawning. Her red hair was sticking up at all sorts of odd angles, and her green eyes were bleary from sleep. “What are you doing?”

“Good morning,” said (F/N) with a smile. “Just making sure I’m prepared,”

“I’m sure you must have read that book a hundred times already, if what I’ve learned about you so far is anything to go by,” said Lily grinning. She swung her legs out of bed and, jumping out, started rummaging around in her trunk for her school uniform. The other three girls were still fast asleep, and Lily wondered if they should wake them. She asked her friend.

“Give them another few minutes,” (F/N) replied kindly. “They won’t forgive us for waking them earlier than necessary,”

Lily smiled broadly. “They might not forgive us for letting them oversleep, either,”

Despite this, Lily and (F/N) allowed Evelyn, Cathy and Julie to sleep a little longer. In the meantime, they talked quietly about the events of the previous day. The conversation quickly turned to their ‘mutual’ friend.

“I’m sorry that Sev hasn’t actually spoken to you yet …” said Lily apologetically. “He’s not normally like that, but I suppose the new faces and new environment must be a bit overwhelming,”

“It’s all right,” said (F/N), deciding not to probe Lily for answers regarding Severus’ reticence. “I understand. I expect he’s very quiet anyway, isn’t he?”

“Oh, yes,” said Lily in agreement. “He doesn’t trust people easily. You watch, though; he’ll start challenging you before long to see if you can keep up with him. It’s a bit embarrassing when he does things like that, but that’s just Sev,”

(F/N) nodded along with Lily’s explanation, taking it all in and trying to understand. Severus liked to challenge people … She presumed that this was to see if they would be someone worth bothering with. Despite not wanting to have to rely on others for her happiness, she couldn’t help hoping that Severus wouldn’t dislike her after all. Then, by pure coincidence, Lily spoke up again.

“I think he quite likes you, actually,” she said, green eyes sparkling. “He told me you were ‘all right’ when we got off the train. And he won’t say that about just _anyone_ ,”

“Is that so …?” said (F/N) contemplatively. “Well, it’s better than a kick in the teeth,”

Lily laughed, causing the other girls to stir. “Definitely!” she managed between peals. “Anyway, I think you’ll make excellent friends. I could tell that he was pleased when you protected us from Black and his friends, too …”

(F/N) smiled, glad to think that Lily believed there was a friendship to be forged there. She didn’t quite know how she’d get around Severus’ extreme introversion, but she would manage it somehow. As she mulled this over, feeling encouraged by what Lily had told her, the other girls began to rise and plod around the room getting ready for school. They would first be heading down to the Great Hall for breakfast, and hopefully find out which classes they would have first.

(F/N) packed all of the things she _knew_ she’d need – like her wand, quill and a pot of ink – into her schoolbag and swung it over her shoulder in readiness to leave the dormitory. Lily was next, coming to stand by the door with her friend while they waited for their roommates. When everyone was ready to go, they all retraced their steps to the Great Hall and somehow managed to avoid Black’s troupe of troublemakers – (F/N)’s primary concern that morning.

Evelyn politely took her leave, joining up with Mary MacDonald. She said Mary had been a friend of hers from junior school but apparently got mixed up in someone else’s boat on the way across the lake, leaving Evelyn by herself. Cathy and Julie met with a Ravenclaw and a Hufflepuff girl, leaving Lily and (F/N) to their own devices. They supposed they’d all make better friends soon enough, sharing a room and whatnot. Plonking themselves down on one of the benches along Gryffindor table, Lily and (F/N) glanced all around at the breakfast goodies laid out before them.

While Lily took some porridge with a fair sprinkling of sugar, (F/N) took two slices of toast, buttered them generously and dolloped on some jam ready to spread. Both had pumpkin juice to drink, and as they ate they peppered the meal with excited conversation about what might lie ahead for the day.

Just as they were about to move onto the topic of astronomy versus divination as school subjects and which they might find most interesting, the two girls’ attentions were drawn to the doors of the Great Hall as Severus walked in, looking very out-of-place indeed. He was a dark shape against an otherwise warmly-lit room, and he appeared to almost scuttle through the hall on his way to the Slytherin table – he was cutting it a bit fine for time, considering it was ten minutes to nine, but on his way to his house’s table he caught sight of Lily and (F/N) sitting with the other Gryffindors. The two girls had seen him and, while Lily gave him a big smile and waved as she usually did, he was surprised to see (F/N) shoot him a little smile too and raise her palm in a kind of shy, reserved half-wave. Almost like a salute, of sorts.

Compelled by their friendliness, Severus dipped his head to them in an awkward acknowledgement of their greeting. He had a book under his arm and his bag slung over his shoulder, but he couldn’t have looked less ready for the day ahead. His hair seemed a little scruffier than usual and the circles under his eyes were marginally darker, which (F/N) and Lily could see even from their distance.

“Do you suppose he didn’t sleep very well …?” said (F/N) quietly.

“Oh dear …” murmured Lily. “I hope the other Slytherins didn’t give him any grief,”

(F/N) agreed but their conversation was suddenly cut short by Professor McGonagall coming along the Gryffindor table, handing all of the first-years their new timetables.

“You’ll want to eat up quickly, students. Your first class is in eight minutes,”

Lily and (F/N) whirled around to look at each other with eyes as wide as dinner plates. They wolfed down the rest of their breakfast, grabbed their bags and raced off out of the doors. After all, it was a huge castle and they didn’t want to risk getting lost and making themselves late on their first day.

They were off to Charms class first, so they made their way to classroom 2E by way of eavesdropping on other students and sheer luck. Thankfully, they weren’t late at all. In fact, they were two of the first to arrive, so they stood patiently outside the door, ready to form a line. There were many footsteps to be heard in the corridors, but one set in particular seemed to be drawing nearer. (F/N) turned to look first, followed by Lily a moment later, and they saw Severus coming towards them.

“Hi, Sev!” said Lily warmly, waving at him like she hadn’t already seen him that morning. He looked about as pleased to see her as Severus Snape could be pleased to see _anyone_ and even gave (F/N) a fleeting (but definitely positive) glance. Both girls supposed that his much more subdued attitude towards even his best friend had come out because he was nervous.

Both Gryffindors could certainly relate to that, even if they didn’t show it in the same way.

“So … Gryffindor and Slytherin are together for Charms, I take it?” Lily said, trying to open a decent conversation. Severus nodded and glanced at (F/N) again, even though he instantly returned to gazing at Lily.

“We’re together for a lot of classes, actually …” said (F/N), consulting her timetable again. “I wasn’t looking too hard before, but I did notice Slytherin appearing in a lot of the same slots as Gryffindor. Look,”

“Ooh, how exciting! At least we’re all still together in that respect!” tittered Lily, taking a look at (F/N)’s timetable too. (F/N) wondered how she suddenly had so much energy. It was almost as if she had energy to spare. Maybe she was just trying to be cheerful for two, since Severus certainly wasn’t the brightest ray of sunshine in their year.

 _“Not that there’s anything wrong with that,”_ thought (F/N).

Severus didn’t say a word but nodded a little in agreement. (F/N) could tell that he’d taken the Sorting quite hard. Ending up in a completely different house to your best friend was … terrible, really. Then again, she thought, so was going to a completely different school to your best friend, on the other side of the country, no less.

Suppressing a sigh, (F/N) tried to do the same to the rapidly encroaching thoughts of Eddie back at home.

“So what are the other Slytherins like?” said Lily enthusiastically to Severus.

He looked a bit shifty for a moment but answered her a second later. “They’re all right. I don’t suppose I can really say just yet,”

Lily smiled. “I’m sure it’ll be okay. The Gryffindors we’re sharing a room with are nice girls, right (F/N)?”

(F/N) smiled kindly at Lily, trying not to focus on how that was the first time she’d heard Severus speak a whole sentence. “They are,” she said minimally. “I’m sure we’ll all be good friends in time,”

(F/N) hadn’t noticed, for once, but Severus had been watching her the entire time she’d been speaking. By the time she looked up he had averted his eyes and returned them to Lily. More students were rushing brazenly into the corridor, terrified that they were going to be late. It was two minutes to nine, and just as a few more students came speeding around the corner a very small man with round glasses and stark white hair came out of the classroom.

“Ah, good morning, everyone!” he greeted them warmly. “Gryffindors and Slytherins, yes? Come on inside and take your seats – Slytherin on the left, Gryffindor on the right,”

Severus grimaced inwardly as he heard this, realising he wouldn’t be able to sit with Lily as he’d intended. (F/N) noticed his displeasure but thought it best to keep quiet. They filed into the classroom in silence despite the professor’s cheery welcome, and as Severus broke away from the Gryffindor girls to go and sit on the Slytherin side, Lily and (F/N) plopped down in seats at the very front of the Gryffindor side.

(F/N) diligently set about getting her books and writing equipment out of her bag, followed closely by her wand. She had been so excited about finally being able to use it (outside of her own practice sessions, of course) that she could hardly contain the rampant emotion.

More and more students filtered into the room, equally filling out seats for Slytherin and for Gryffindor. Severus could be seen very clearly from where the girls sat opposite, and he couldn’t have looked more uncomfortable if he tried. Everyone’s attention was called to the front of the classroom, however, as the little professor stepped up onto a high stack of thick books and announced that the lesson was about to begin.

“My name is Professor Flitwick, and I shall be your Charms teacher this year,” he said merrily. “It’s good to see you all, and I’m sure that, with hard work and concentration, you’ll all do splendidly!”

(F/N) immediately decided that she liked Flitwick. He was a jolly little man, probably no more than four feet tall, and clearly had great enthusiasm for his subject. (F/N) sat with her quill at the ready, inkpot already sitting in its well and awaiting the first dip into it. (F/N) didn’t know how much she would need to write down, but she was so excited she hoped it would be easy to discern what she would need to write for revision and what she would just be able to remember.

The lesson first began with a short introduction to Charms, wherein Professor Flitwick bounced about atop his books, gesticulating passionately while explaining their uses and the different types of charm. You had charms, jinxes, hexes and curses. Of course, they wouldn’t be learning about the latter in their first year owing to the fact that they were ‘dark’ charms, but it had to be known that they were derived from what was, at least, a similar branch of spellwork. That day, after Flitwick has taken the register, they were lucky enough to be learning how to cast two different spells, both of which were charms: the Wand-Lighting and Wand-Extinguishing Charms.

“First thing’s first, students – you must be sure to focus! Lapses in concentration can result in unpleasant side effects!” called Professor Flitwick. “Now, I want you all looking this way as I demonstrate the first charm for you …”

(F/N)’s and Lily’s eyes were glued to Flitwick, who was absolutely dwarfed by the large window behind him. The window stretched almost from floor to ceiling and was decorated with a diamond grille pattern. It allowed the rich, wooden room to be bathed in natural light and there was no need on a day like that for any candles to be lit. Still, they were going to learn how to make their own light.

Everything, from Flitwick’s firm yet delicate hand movements to the precision of his incantation, Lumos, was masterful and completely mesmerising. A bright light lit at the end of the Professor’s wand before he then encouraged his students to try and copy what they’d seen.

In no time at all, a bright light shone from beside (F/N). She looked and saw that Lily had managed the spell almost instantly. She gazed in awe, wondering how she’d managed it so quickly. (F/N) had read about this spell plenty of times and, now that she finally had a chance to attempt it, was sorely disappointed that all of her study hadn’t seemed to pay off.

“Well, would you look at that!” cried Flitwick gleefully. “Miss Evans has done it already! Well done, well done indeed!”

(F/N) smiled at Lily. She had done very well to achieve this so quickly. Putting aside her mild jealousy, she tried the charm again. “Lumos,” she incanted, replicating Professor Flitwick’s wand application. Nothing happened. She tried again. “Lumos …”

Still nothing happened. All she could hear was the sound of many other people attempting the spell, and none of them succeeding yet. Not even Severus had done it yet. He looked just as frustrated as (F/N) felt … Maybe she was mispronouncing the incantation. Was she making the correct hand movements?

“You’re doing fine,” Lily said gently. “Don’t worry. Just try it again – I’m sure you’ll get it in a minute,”

Her encouragement was very welcome. (F/N) attempted to create a little bubble around herself and, although not physical, it allowed her to drown out the sounds of the other failing Wand-Lighting Charms going on in the room. Out of the corner of her eye, (F/N) felt sure she saw a glint of light coming from somebody else’s wand.

She took a deep breath before … “Lumos,” she said, almost in a whisper, and suddenly the light that erupted from the tip of her wand was almost blinding. Its luminosity was accidental, but it had certainly been brighter than even the Professor’s. Not quite knowing what to do with her wand in this predicament, and too embarrassed by everyone’s eyes on her to think about it, (F/N) quickly shoved it under the desk where it continued to illuminate her face from below, making her look as though she was about to tell everyone a ghost story.

The room was silent for a moment before Flitwick suddenly burst into applause.

“Oh, well done Miss Castor! What a superb charm you’ve cast!” he cheered. “Well done! Two points to Gryffindor – one for Miss Evans, and one for you as well,”

Lily and (F/N) grinned broadly at each other, suddenly proud of their feats. Meanwhile, Professor Flitwick was left with a warm, fuzzy feeling in his chest and the thought that he’d found two very promising students already – and it wasn’t even mid-morning. Lily clearly had a knack for Charms regardless … (F/N), on the other hand, may not have been able to do it first time around but when she _did_ succeed … the raw power she harboured truly shone through.

They would be the ones to watch, and Flitwick couldn’t help wondering how the two friends would fare in their other subjects.

(F/N)’s wand was still glowing very brightly and very awkwardly under her desk but, having been given a short amount of time to think and remember what she’d read about the Wand-Extinguishing Charm already, (F/N) now raised her wand and gave a quick flick of her wrist. “Nox,” she said, much more confidently than she’d incanted ‘Lumos’, and her glaring wand light put itself out. It was Lily’s turn to stare in amazement.

“How did you …?” she mumbled, glancing at her own wand which was glowing softly and inoffensively in her hand. Once again, most other students’ eyes were on (F/N) and she felt rather self-conscious again. Even Flitwick looked surprised. (F/N) glanced at the Slytherins opposite and, without meaning to, locked eyes with Severus who wore an unreadable expression.

“Just … say “Nox” and flick your wand, like you’re shaking off water … but only once,”

Lily took (F/N)’s advice and did as she had instructed. Her light went out, and she bounced with delight in her seat. A few other lights had begun to glow in the room, meaning a few other students had successfully cast Lumos, but the problem was that Flitwick hadn’t even got around to teaching them Nox yet. (F/N) dared to look up at him where he stood.

“Miss Castor …” he said slowly. “When did you learn the Wand-Extinguishing Charm?”

“I, um …” (F/N) didn’t know how to answer. Would it be enough to just say she’d read about it, and it was a lucky first attempt? She decided that was the best course of action. “I suppose it must have been a fluke …”

“Oh no, my dear girl! That was no fluke! Anyone could see that you were thinking about it. Did you read about the charm?”

“Y-Yes, sir …”

“Marvellous! Simply marvellous! That sort of attitude will get you far in life, Miss Castor!” praised Professor Flitwick. (F/N) went bright red, all the way to her ears, and Lily beamed happily at her from her right. (F/N) wished she knew a spell to make herself invisible, but she knew that was a bit too advanced.

“Perhaps, Miss Castor, you and Miss Evans would care to help some of your classmates with these charms? How about it, eh?”

The two girls smiled at him then and nodded, although neither were sure how the others would react to having someone their age teaching them how to do a couple of spells. Lily was assigned to the other Gryffindors while Flitwick asked (F/N) to assist the Slytherins. The professor oversaw the entire class, offering pointers and encouragement wherever he could. One thing (F/N) had definitely noticed about Professor Flitwick was that he seemed infinitely patient and he did not tell anyone off. In fact, his teaching style seemed to be quite relaxed.

It took about ten minutes, but (F/N) eventually managed to get every Slytherin to cast the Wand-Lighting Charm successfully. She rather enjoyed herself and wondered if teaching would be something to consider in future. She, of course, had a few ornery classmates who didn’t particularly relish the thought of being shown how to do something by one of their classmates, but on the whole things had gone according to plan.

In the meantime, Lily was struggling on the other side of the room to get one of Black’s friends – Pettigrew – to cast the first charm effectively. He appeared to be gripping his wand in his entire fist, waving it around wildly without an ounce of finesse and pronouncing the incantation very crudely. (F/N) wondered if he was doing it on purpose, to annoy Lily, but after watching him for a few minutes she decided that he was, in all likelihood, deadly serious.

It all came to a head when (F/N) heard Lily’s voice break slightly as she _tried_ to encourage the boy to attempt the spell again (and to loosen his grip). He did so, but when he recited the incantation for what must have been the ninth or tenth time, he waved his wand and promptly launched it across the classroom, narrowly avoiding taking Flitwick’s eye out _and_ elbowing his friend Lupin all in one fell swoop.

(F/N) had to try her hardest not to burst out laughing. Flitwick did not look pleased with Pettigrew’s lack of control over his own wand.

“Mr Pettigrew, please do take more care,” he scolded, although he didn’t sound nearly as angry as he’d looked when the magical implement went sailing precariously past his head. He used another spell to lift the wand from where it had landed on the floor behind him and sent it straight back to Pettigrew, who at least had the decency to look embarrassed. Finally, though, after two more attempts, he managed the spell and looked rather triumphant about it, too.

Professor Flitwick straightened his robes and twitched his moustache slightly, signalling his mild annoyance at Pettigrew’s near-assault on the teacher’s person. It had been so unexpected that poor Flitwick wouldn’t have had time to defend himself against the offender and his wayward wand.

“Right, now that that’s all settled …” said the little man, a great smile suddenly popping back onto his face. “I’m now going to formally demonstrate the Wand-Extinguishing Charm, the incantation for which – as you may have heard Miss Castor say earlier – is ‘Nox’. Observe,”

Professor Flitwick did just as he’d stated, performing the same wand movement as (F/N) and reciting the incantation as she had, only _his_ movements were much more fluid, and his voice held much more conviction. He’d done this many, many times after all.

“Did you all get that? It’s your turn, but if you need any help please consult either me, Miss Castor or Miss Evans,”

The class once more erupted with invocations, with most students dutifully attempting the counter-spell. Others, however, such as Black and Potter, saw this as an opportunity to muck about and try to cast all manner of silly spells on each other and the unwitting students around them. Clearly, thought (F/N), those boys were under the impression that Flitwick either couldn’t see or hear them or he would be too laid-back to tell them off for their tomfoolery.

They were mistaken.

“Mr Black. Mr Potter. Would you care to participate in the lesson instead of horsing around over there? Or perhaps you’d like to make up for lost time with some extra homework?”

Flitwick’s intervention had come just in time; Black and Potter were mere moments away from casting some kind of jinx on poor Haydn Blythe who was sitting in front of them trying to cast his spell. Black and Potter put their heads down but continued to snigger between themselves. Meanwhile their other two friends, Lupin and Pettigrew, went back to their work with only Lupin actually proving successful after a few more tries.

Pettigrew was waving his wand about so haphazardly that, when he tried to make the correct movement with his wrist, he almost punched Lupin in the side of the head with his lawless, meaty fist which, once again, was gripping his wand much too tightly.

“Who knew Charms class could be so violent?” sneered one of the Slytherins (F/N) was tutoring. She glanced over her shoulder again at Pettigrew, almost afraid to see what mayhem would be occurring in his vicinity. She almost expected to turn and see half of the Gryffindors’ desks ablaze.

(F/N) decided to ignore the comment, choosing instead to turn to Edith Bradshaw, the first student in their year to have been sorted by the Sorting Hat and smiled. “You’re doing really well, there – I saw your wand light fade a little. It just needs a bit more oomph, I think …”

The girl looked surprised to have been addressed, least of all by this Gryffindor who all of Edith’s friends (so far) thought was a bit of a dork and a goody-two-shoes alongside Lily.

“Uh … thanks,” said Edith with an awkward smile. She didn’t think Castor was bad in any way, but a few of the other Slytherin girls already seemed to think that she and Evans would quickly prove to be teacher’s pets and that, for some reason, made them hostile towards the pair. Edith, on the other hand, thought it much too early to go around putting nametags on people they’d only just met.

“So …” said Edith, holding her wand aloft. “Like this, then?” She incanted “Nox” just as Flitwick had, and flicked her wand like him also, and sure enough her wand light was extinguished. (F/N) clapped quietly, so as not to draw too much attention to Edith who didn’t seem like the sort to celebrate these kinds of things.

“Brilliant!” said (F/N) softly. “Well done!”

Edith smiled. “Thank you,”

(F/N) felt the swell of pride in her chest. This lesson alone was _really_ making her want to consider teaching in the future, and it was only her first day of school.

“She hardly needed your help, Castor,” came a very sullen voice from behind the girl who had pointed out Pettigrew’s clumsiness. (F/N) craned around her to see who had addressed her and saw yet another girl. She didn’t look even half as friendly as Edith, for although she had dark hair, dark eyes and was very pale, giving her quite a dark presence overall, this other girl’s entire appearance and demeanour were completely off-putting. She was pretty but had a look about her that told (F/N) that she thought much too highly of herself.

(F/N) didn’t say anything in response but turned away from the girl as if to suggest she couldn’t have cared less about her remark and callous tone. The girl, whose name was Patty Nolan (a name that (F/N) thought sounded far too friendly for a girl with a face and attitude like hers) bristled at (F/N)’s brush-off and muttered something sinister under her breath.

(F/N) was, naturally, a little shocked that she’d somehow managed to make an enemy in less than an hour. She hadn’t wronged this girl in any way, yet for some reason she disliked her. She guessed that was how bullied operated, though …

(F/N) was distracted by Severus suddenly reciting the incantation and also extinguishing his wand. She wasn’t sure of how many times he’d actually attempted it or whether this was his first go, but then she also supposed that she might not have heard him anyway for how quiet he was. Still, he looked quite satisfied with his achievement and caught her eye as she continued to look at him. Despite holding her gaze for a moment or two, Severus decided that this was long enough and looked away, picking up his quill and scribbling away on his parchment, presumably lesson-related notes.

Glancing across the room, (F/N) saw that Lily had managed to get almost all of the Gryffindors to successfully cast their charms. Lily looked back at the Slytherins and saw that most of them had succeeded as well. Flitwick seemed extremely pleased with the lesson’s outcome.

“You have all done excellently for your first day! Both charms learned, and no casualties,” Flitwick said, glancing across at Pettigrew. Lily, who was standing closest to the bungling Gryffindor even after all of his mishaps, also looked at him as though to verify that he definitely _hadn’t_ blasted his nose clean off his face … or anyone _else’s_ nose off their face, for that matter. She was relieved to see that nothing of the sort had occurred.

“Seeing as you’ve all done so well today, your only homework will be to keep practising these two charms. We’ll have a test for them on Friday,”

There were a few groans at the mention of a test, but no one could deny that Professor Flitwick had been extremely fair and more than generous with the time he’d given them to practice. (F/N) was unsurprised to see that the two most disgruntled-looking students were Black and Potter. Somehow, though, she could sense Nolan’s own disapproving attitude and it felt much bitterer than the Gryffindor boys’ expressions looked.

Professor Flitwick left it at that, however, and dismissed the class. (F/N) made her way back to her desk to collect her things, deciding that she would later read up on many more charms than the ones they’d just learned in class. Lily nudged her excitedly, drawing her attention as she nearly spilled her inkpot which hadn’t had its cap screwed on yet.

“Isn’t this class great?” said the enthusiastic redhead. “I really enjoyed myself … even if Pettigrew was a health hazard,”

(F/N) loosed a low chuckle. “I agree. I really like this class too,” she said. “You seem to have a real talent for it,”

Lily was still talking to (F/N) about Charms when Severus came over, stopping in front of their desk. He didn’t interrupt them and patiently awaited his turn. “But you’re very good at Charms, too …” she said, as though trying to persuade (F/N) of the fact.

“I just read a lot; I’ve studied these over and over again. That’s different from having natural ability,”

Lily didn’t look convinced, but she did look rather bashful too. She turned to Severus and offered him a smile. “How did you find it?”

“Okay, I think,” he said minimally. “Ready?”

Lily looked a little surprised. “Yes … Do we have another lesson together, then?”

“Potions,” he said.

(F/N) grinned. This was another class she had been looking forward to, although that was, perhaps, a silly thing to think. She had been looking forward to _all_ of her lessons.

The two girls walked to the end of their row and joined Severus at the door. He went first, followed by Lily, and (F/N) gave Professor Flitwick a sunny smile before going with her friends to their next lesson.


	10. Chapter 10

The rest of their classes for the day went in the same vein as Charms had. (F/N) came away from each of them feeling very optimistic, even History of Magic which was taught by Professor Binns … who was a ghost. Apparently he’d been teaching the subject for so long that he’d grown old and had fallen asleep in the staff room, only to have died and then risen as a ghost. The story went that he didn’t even realise that he was dead but got up from his chair and doddered off to teach his classes next day.

(F/N) couldn’t deny that History of Magic was a dreadfully dreary subject, unfortunately made so by Professor Binns’ droning voice. (F/N) was a firm believer that you could make even the most boring of subjects interesting if only a bit of enthusiasm could be injected into it, and while Professor Binns had been teaching this for an exceptionally long time he appeared to have lost his fervour. If he ever had any, that is. She remembered looking around during his lesson and seeing that a few students had actually fallen asleep. The Gryffindors had been placed with the Ravenclaws for this particular class, and they had walked to Professor Binns’ classroom together from the Herbology greenhouses after breaktime.

The last lesson of the day had been Flying, and (F/N) was both thrilled and apprehensive to be participating in this. Madam Hooch, their teacher, was a severe-looking woman clad in robes of darkest navy and brown gloves that made her look like a falconer. More distracting than her presence alone, though, were her piercing yellow eyes, rendering her more like the actual falcon than its handler in looks.

“Good afternoon, class,” she’d greeted them briskly, but not unkindly. She was another teacher that students wouldn’t have liked to cross. She taught them the basics to start with, of course – caring for one’s broom, and learning how to summon it. All they had to do was stand beside their brooms where they lay in rows on the training ground grass (Gryffindors opposite Slytherins), put out their hand and say “Up!”

For a few students this proved harder than it sounded.

It took (F/N) a few tries but she managed it relatively quickly. Potter had been the fastest in their class to achieve summoning his broom, followed by Black. It came as no surprise that their most active subject would be their favourite. Then again, (F/N) was fairly sure that Black was too rebellious to devote himself to a subject at all.

Lily, once she had summoned her broom, seemed reasonably adept with it. Severus, on the other hand, who the girls could see from where they were standing, was not so fortunate. He struggled a little with his broom, but managed the task eventually.

After their final lesson of the day, which had been Flying, (F/N), Lily and Severus made their way back to the castle along with the other students in their class. They would head back to their own dormitories to drop off their bags and books, then reconvene near the Grand Staircase to walk to dinner together. (F/N) was glad that Severus seemed to be growing used to her presence and didn’t seem as cold as he had been on the train. He still wasn’t talking much, but she was amazed at what a day in each other’s company had been able to do for their acquaintance.

Lily and (F/N) walked towards the spot where they’d agreed to meet Severus, and both were pleased to see that he was already there. Clearly there had been no hanging about for him. “Ready?” he asked, for the second time that day.

Both girls nodded, and they were about to move off when suddenly a group of other first-years rushed past them. They didn’t address the trio directly, but (F/N) saw Nolan’s ridiculously glossy blonde head among them and heard her haughty voice above all others. She didn’t have anything nice to say, of course.

“There’s our resident suck-up …” (F/N) heard her say rather loudly. Her posse of Slytherins made a collective noise that sounded like agreement.

(F/N) was a little taken aback still by Nolan’s hostility, but didn’t suppose there was anything she could do about it. She simply kept her mouth shut and walked with Lily and Severus.

“So, remind me again of why that girl seems to hate us?” Lily asked. “I heard someone saying that she started on you in Charms this morning, and she’s been talking about us both ever since,”

(F/N) sighed. “I don’t know. Because we want to learn, I suppose. Because we like school. I don’t think you’ve got much to worry about though, Lil. She seems to have it out for me more than you,”

“Was that supposed to make me feel better? I don’t want her being mean to my friend either, you know!” Lily protested hotly.

“Nolan’s just like that,” said Severus suddenly. “She’s already made a bit of a name for herself in our house,”

“Wow, already?” said Lily. She looked shocked.

“I keep forgetting we’re only a day into all this …” (F/N) said in response. “… and I already have an enemy. Not bad for twenty-four hours,” she added with a snort of laughter.

Another thing Severus thought was odd for the very short length of time they’d been there was the little pang of admiration he suddenly felt for (F/N) and her ability to laugh in the face of what was essentially bullying. Then, he remembered, she seemed to have the same attitude towards _all_ bullies – she had stuck up for him against Black, after all.

They arrived at the Great Hall and parted ways, the girls going to the Gryffindor table and Severus making for Slytherin. They all wished they could just eat together, but they considered that it could possibly be a while before that could happen.

As they sat down to eat, Lily and (F/N) came face-to-face with Evelyn, the girl from their dormitory, and they grinned broadly at her. Evelyn seemed surprised to see them but smiled all the same.

“How was your day?” asked (F/N).

“Oh, it was fine, thanks,” said Evelyn. “You both did superbly in Charms,”

Lily and (F/N) both smiled again. “Thanks,” said Lily. “Which lesson was your favourite?”

“I quite enjoyed Herbology, myself,” said Evelyn, spooning some peas onto her plate. Professor Sprout’s very nice, isn’t she?”

“Yes, I thought so,” said (F/N). “I think all of the professors are great. Madam Hooch seemed very strict … You can tell she’s no battle-axe though,”

“They all seemed very … reasonable,” Lily added. The other two nodded.

Dinner went by without any interruption from troublemakers, and Lily, (F/N) and Evelyn all made their way back to the Gryffindor common room to relax before bed. A few students were already there, but the three girls managed to find some seats near the crackling fire. The first thing (F/N) did, though, was grab a book from one of the bookshelves nearby, slip off her shoes and curl up in one of the squashy armchairs.

“Do you ever stop reading?” chuckled Lily.

(F/N) grinned. “I like to know things,” she replied quickly. She remembered that she would need to write to her aunt soon, to let her know how things were going. She was sure that Cicero would be up to the task, especially after proving that he could make the journey to deliver her answer to Hogwarts in the summer.

After a little more conversation, the three girls began to yawn. It wasn’t even nine o’clock, but the day had been so packed with new experiences and information that it had thoroughly worn them out. They all made their way up to bed, with (F/N) in particular looking forward to what was to come.

There were no funny dreams for (F/N) that night, only a full night of restful sleep. She awoke the next morning as she had the last, got dressed and was found reading on her bed by Lily who rose half an hour later. Their day was almost a repeat of the one before, except for a couple of different subjects. This time, they had Defence Against the Dark Arts followed by Charms again (both (F/N) and Lily were delighted), Potions again and then Astronomy (although only the theory thereof) and Transfiguration. The latter was taught by Professor McGonagall, who everyone was daunted by but also commanded great respect. She was also Head of Gryffindor, but she didn’t seem to show any kind of favouritism towards her house.

It was something that (F/N) decided she liked very much about Professor McGonagall, and so tried even harder in her class. That day they were learning how to reverse transfigurations gone awry, with ‘Reparifarge’. (F/N) was glad of the fact that the Gryffindors had Transfiguration with the Hufflepuffs, because after having to sit through Charms, Potions _and_ Defence Against the Dark Arts with the Slytherins she had had just about a gutful of Nolan’s sinister jibes about her being a swot. It was only their second day, too …

“Don’t let it get you down,” said Lily, trying to cheer (F/N) up about it over dinner. “Sev said that not many of the Slytherins even like her much, and the ones who do follow her around only do it because it’s better to be on her side than not,”

“Surprise, surprise,” muttered (F/N) gloomily. She just didn’t understand how she could have garnered such hate from simply … existing. “Thanks, though … I appreciate it,”

Lily smiled at her. “Hey … Do you want to play cards when we get back to the common room? I brought a deck with me,”

(F/N) couldn’t help grinning back. Seeing as how neither of them knew how to play Wizard’s Chess yet, a good, old-fashioned game of rummy, a Muggle game, seemed like just the thing to round off the evening. None of the homework they’d been set (apart from their first lot of Charms work) was due until the following Monday, so there was no rush. “I’d love to,” said (F/N).

By the time the weekend rolled around, all of the first-years were more than ready for a couple of days off (of sorts). Many of them still had homework to wrap up but (F/N), Lily and Severus were way ahead of most – if not all – of them. They were all up relatively early on Saturday morning and had arranged the evening prior to meet at the library to do their homework together.

The trio already knew, and didn’t need telling twice, that the draconian librarian Madam Pince (an imperious, severe-looking woman who strongly resembled a vulture) was not one to be trifled with and so were relieved to see that she wasn’t there yet, although they knew that if she walked in and spotted them she wouldn’t be happy about three, unsupervised first-years having the run of her immaculate corner of Hogwarts.

Lily sighed a little in exasperation. “How many Lionfish spines are needed for Wiggenweld Potion, again?” she grumbled.

“Ten,” said (F/N) and Severus at the same time. They both looked at each other.

“So, if you two are sharing a brain now do you have room for one more?” Lily joked quietly, writing down the answer she’d been given. “Honestly, the longer I stare at this parchment the harder I find it to absorb the information,”

Severus didn’t say anything and went back to his book. (F/N) smiled at Lily but continued writing the ‘short’ essay set by Professor McGonagall on the uses of the untransfiguration spell. So far she had three, filling up several inches of parchment each. She had already finished the homework for Potions that Professor Slughorn had set them, and so had Severus, owing to the fact that he had already proven himself to be rather talented at Potions, but also to the fact that Slughorn was his Head of House. It was much the same situation that Lily and (F/N) were in with McGonagall – in the few lessons they’d had so far, they consistently tried their hardest (as with all subjects, it could be argued) in Transfiguration.

Once Lily and (F/N) had finished their homework and Severus had found a suitable page to place his bookmark, the three gathered up their things and set off from the library. They hadn’t gone five paces when an unpleasant voice rang out above all the others in the corridor.

“Oh, _wow_. Trust _you_ to be studying on a Saturday,” hissed Nolan, flouncing over and stopping about two metres away. If (F/N) hadn’t known any better, she might have thought the Slytherin was actually addressing all of them, and _then_ she’d have to get cross.

“What’s wrong with that?” (F/N) asked, with an expression of unwavering hollowness.

“Nobody likes a try-hard, Castor,” she sneered back. Just as she was about to stalk off, (F/N) found that she just couldn’t resist – it would be like inciting Black all over again.

“That’s not what that means, you know,”

Lily and Severus held their breath.

“What did you say?” snarled Nolan, rounding on her. She was a good few inches taller than (F/N) already and did her best to tower over her as she came back to face her. (F/N) was undaunted, however, and stared defiantly up at the bully.

“I said, that’s not what ‘try-hard’ means,”

Nolan snorted, a very unladylike sound to come from a girl who so obviously thought she was the epitome of femininity. “Oh, do go on. I’d love to see if you’ve got the guts,”

(F/N) smirked and said, in a tired sort of way, “Nolan, I’d only be a ‘try-hard’ if the way I went about being studious was a false front. You, on the other hand, may _actually_ need to try hard to be … well, anything,”

Nolan, at that moment in time, reminded (F/N) of a kettle at boiling point. She half-expected steam to come shooting out of her ears and nostrils. “You’ll wish you kept your mouth shut, Castor” she threatened before stamping off in search of her fellows.

(F/N) turned back to her friends after seeing Nolan off. They were staring at her, slightly dumbfounded. “You don’t have much of a problem seeing bullies off, do you?” said Lily.

(F/N) gave her a funny sort of lopsided grin. “I don’t have time for people like her. The sooner they leave, the better,” She glanced back down the corridor before adding, “I think that one’s going to cost me, though,”

They all walked towards the Great Hall having realised they’d been studying all morning, and now it was time for lunch. The three were pleasantly surprised to see that the students who were already there had mixed with houses that were not necessarily their own. Ravenclaws sat on the Hufflepuff table, and there were even a few Slytherins among the Gryffindors, so Severus did not feel quite so embarrassed to be seen sitting on that table too.

(F/N) had realised, a little too late, where Lily was leading them to sit. Black and his group of friends, who had already nicknamed themselves “the Marauders”, were sitting very close by and despite (F/N)’s best attempts to place herself between her friends and them, they still noticed their arrival – particularly Severus’.

“What are you doing here, Snape?” growled Black, looking the young Slytherin up and down as though observing something utterly disgusting. Both Lily and (F/N) felt their blood boil.

Severus didn’t say anything but that seemed to invite further insult. “You’re not welcome here,” Potter added, as though to emphasise the agenda behind his friend’s question.

“We invited him,” said Lily boldly, inspired by (F/N)’s own bravery in standing up to people. “Come off it already,”

“Aww …” cooed Black falsely. “Look at that, Snape. You’ve got your little girlfriends looking after you. We can’t possibly get to you _now_ ,” Just as he said that, though, he caught the savage glint in (F/N)’s eye and instantly thought better of continuing. He _really_ didn’t like that look and, knowing how easily she could get him into trouble, he gathered himself and stood up. “Come on, guys …” he said, gesturing to the others. “Let’s leave our _friends_ in peace,”

“All of the bullies in our year seem to be on one today …” said Lily, watching the Marauders leave the hall. “Must be something in the air. Why did they leave so suddenly, though?”

(F/N) didn’t say anything and certainly hadn’t expected Severus to, yet he surprised her.

“(F/N) gave Black the evil eye,”

Lily laughed out loud. “What?!”

(F/N) stared at the side of Severus’ face in bemusement. “How …?”

“I could see you from here,” said Severus. “Besides, if I couldn’t, I still would have seen the look on Black’s face when he looked at you,”

Lily was still giggling. “I bet he thought you were going to hex him,”

“I’m not entirely sure I wasn’t …” (F/N) said wryly.

This time she laughed along with Lily. Even Severus cracked a rare smile, but as it was with the last time he smiled it didn’t hang about for long, and fled as quickly as it had arrived.

“We make quite a team, don’t we?” said Lily contentedly, ladling some soup into her bowl.

Severus nodded minutely, and (F/N) wholeheartedly agreed. It didn’t matter whether it was the Marauders or Nolan, the three of them would see their foes off every time they came sniffing about for trouble.

***

School for (F/N), Lily and Severus continued in a very similar manner. They went to their classes, got excellent marks, ignored the Marauders and Nolan and avoided their many jinxes, and generally got to know the life of a Hogwarts student. The trio fell into it very easily, finding their feet quickly enough to make a decent go at their first term.

The Gryffindor girls, (F/N) especially, had been writing home every other week. She sent her first letter back to Auntie Beth on the first Saturday and received a response the next day. Cicero had flown like a trooper, thus (F/N) and her aunt made the decision to write fortnightly to spare the little owl exhaustion and overexertion.

This time, she planned to give him two letters – one for her aunt, and one for Eddie. It was nearly Hallowe’en and, having spent nearly two whole months at Hogwarts already, she realised she missed him greatly. Both letters said much the same thing, except the one to Auntie Beth would contain far fewer explanations of who certain people were, and what certain words and phrases meant as she’d already mentioned them in previous letters.

_Dear Auntie Beth,_

_I can’t believe it’s been another two weeks, already … I hope you’re keeping well! Not a day goes by where I don’t think of home, but a lot has been happening here. Most of it you already know, as it was all going on the last time I wrote to you, too!_

_Lessons are always busy and are getting a bit more difficult as time goes on, but that’s to be expected. They’re more interesting than ever, though, and there just isn’t enough time in the day to read all the books in the school library!_

_Lily and I have grown much closer, even in the space of a few weeks. She’s a great friend, and even Severus is starting to warm up a little. I think he’ll take a bit more persuading than Lily, though!_

_The other students are … all right. We get along with most of them – it would actually take less time to list the people we don’t get on with than the ones we do. Severus has had a few run-ins with a small group who call themselves the Marauders … I think I mentioned them in my last letter, except now they have a name. This is the group made up of Pettigrew, the boy who continues to pose a serious health hazard to the rest of the school, Black and Potter who, together, form the worst troublemaking duo you ever saw, and Lupin who, if I’m honest, mostly keeps to himself. I don’t doubt that he’s got a sense of mischief, though._

_I’ve been having a few problems with a girl in Severus’ house. She goes around with a group of other people in that house and seems to love teasing me about being studious. Frankly, I couldn’t care less what she thinks and I’m always willing to ignore her or stand up for myself if she gets too close … So, there’s no need to worry! (I know what you’re like.)_

_I’m really looking forward to hearing from you soon. After Hallowe’en, I’ll be counting down the days to Christmas, because then I’ll be able to come home and see you! Send a reply back with Cicero as always, and I’ll wait for him to drop your letter in my porridge again … He seems to always aim for my bowl rather than me!_

_All my love,_

_(F/N)_

(F/N) put down her quill and left the parchment to dry. She didn’t want the writing to smudge, after all, not after she’d so lovingly penned every letter. She looked across the common room and saw that Lily was putting down her quill, too.

“All done?” said (F/N). Lily smiled over at her.

“Yeah. Mum and Dad will be expecting this. Are you writing to your aunt?”

(F/N) nodded. “She’ll be waiting for this too,” she said and then, looking back at the drying parchment, added, “You don’t suppose there’s a spell to make this go faster, do you?”

“If there is, you’d be the one to know about it,” chuckled Lily. She’d calmed down a considerable amount in the last couple of months and wasn’t nearly as rambunctious as she had been.

(F/N) smiled. She certainly didn’t know any such spell at that moment in time, but she supposed there was always time to learn. Perhaps a book in the library would have what she sought.

“I’m looking forward to Hallowe’en,” said Lily suddenly, changing the subject entirely. “I’ve heard Professor Dumbledore has arranged something brilliant for the entertainment at the feast tomorrow!”

“Oh, really?” said (F/N), gazing at her friend with glittering (E/C) eyes. She loved celebrations like Hallowe’en and Christmas and had, before hearing about the wonderful entertainment in store, been looking forward to seeing how they’d decorate the place and even more than that the splendid banquet the whole school would attend. “What’s the score on that?”

“Apparently …” Lily began, indicating with just her voice that this was only hearsay. “… he’s arranged for an assortment of spooky entities to come and perform for us,”

 _Spooky entities,_ thought (F/N) curiously. What could that entail? She thought it might have been ghouls but then realised that they might not even be capable of ‘performing’ to an entire school of witches and wizards. She next thought of vampires but considered that they would probably be too dangerous to have at Hogwarts. She thought it equally unlikely that there would be more than one ghost among the group to provide the night’s amusements, as there were more than enough already haunting the castle. The spectral men and women floated about the place, glowing luminously silver and treating anybody who was unlucky enough to walk right through them to an experience not unlike having a bucket of ice water thrown over their person.

There were two very close contenders for the ‘spookiest’ ghost, however. Slytherin house’s ghost, the Bloody Baron, was an extremely unpleasant spook whose ghostly white clothes were quite obviously smattered with blood. His eyes were sunken, and his entire countenance gave the impression of a man who had been just as ghastly in life as he was in death. The other spectre, who was his rival, was Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington – otherwise known as Nearly Headless Nick and the Gryffindor House Ghost. He wasn’t nearly as repulsive as the Bloody Baron, but he could usually be heard telling anyone who would listen about how he was the victim of a botched decapitation …

They would just have to wait and see who the Headmaster would be bringing in. (F/N) didn’t want to think about all of the gruesome possibilities anymore.

“I think the first Quidditch match is next Saturday, too. It’s been quite late to kick off this year, or so I’ve heard …” (F/N) said into the descending silence. She glanced back at her parchment and saw that the ink had changed colour now that it was drier. The letter addressed to Eddie was sitting nearby, having already dried while she was writing to Auntie Beth. She started to fold the letters up ready for their envelopes as Lily spoke.

“Oh, I know! It’s all very exciting, isn’t it?” she said with a huge grin on her face. “You’ll come with me, won’t you?”

(F/N) looked up and smiled brightly. “Of course I will,” she said. “What about Severus? Do you think we’ll be able to drag him along?”

Lily giggled at (F/N)’s choice of vocabulary. “Yes, I’m sure we can … convince him, somehow,”

“Well, even if he decides he hates Quidditch he can’t _possibly_ miss the first one we’ll ever have an opportunity to see, can he?” chuckled (F/N), taking out her wand and magically sealing the envelopes. She picked them up off her desk, already stamped and addressed, and walked over to where Cicero was sitting peacefully on his perch. He took one look at the letters in (F/N)’s hand and cooed softly in approval. (F/N) smiled again and gently stroked the little owl’s feathery breast – the bird loved that, and he loved carrying the post, it seemed.

(F/N) gave him the letters and set him free from their dormitory window. She watched him go, wishing him good luck and fair winds. Every time he set off on his journeys she couldn’t help worrying about him – he had proven himself very capable, but he really was only a very little chap.

“You’ve got a good owl there, (F/N),” said Lily, spotting her friend’s wistful expression as her pet flew away. (F/N) turned and saw that Lily’s expression was soft, and sympathetic to the way she was clearly feeling.

“Yeah …” she said, agreeing with her. “I miss him when he’s gone,”

“I’m sure you do,” said Lily kindly. “But see how fast he comes barrelling into the Great Hall when he flies back to Hogwarts! You can tell how desperate he is to come home to you,”

That made (F/N) feel much better. Knowing she already had such a good bond with her owl made the distance between them on every postal mission seem just a little bit less, and a little more bearable.

The morning after next saw Cicero’s return – to (F/N)’s great surprise – with him flying through the doors of the Great Hall along with several other owls and carrying two letters. (F/N) caught them eagerly and invited the hardworking owl to sit on her shoulder while she opened and read her post with one hand, using the spare one to feed Cicero the cornflakes he had managed not to send flying across the table with his landing. He seemed to enjoy this greatly and snuggled into the crook of her neck when he’d had his fill.

“How is everyone?” said Lily, smiling at (F/N) sitting on her left. It took (F/N) a moment to realise that she was referring to the senders of her letters.

“Oh, yes! All fine, thanks!” she said, folding them back up. Eddie had replied as quickly as he said he would if she ever sent him a letter, and Auntie Beth was thrilled as usual to get post from (F/N). She looked and saw that Lily had a letter, too. “How’s your family?”

Lily gave a weak smile. “My parents are all right, but apparently my sister has been giving them grief. I asked them why she hasn’t ever replied to any of the letters I’ve sent her specifically, and my parents’ reply was … well. I could tell they weren’t using the right words,”

“You think they were lying?” said (F/N) with surprise.

“Probably. Petunia didn’t like it when I got my letter from Hogwarts. Mum and Dad have been trying to make me feel better about it ever since. I can tell, even in writing, when they’re just trying to make things sound nicer than they really are …”

(F/N) didn’t push for further information, but immediately felt Lily’s sadness. She put a hand on her forearm and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Hey …” she said, getting her friend to look up. “Jealousy will always get to some people, no matter who has made them feel it. You shouldn’t feel sore for the fact that your sister is one of those people,”

Lily cracked another small smile which seemed to evaporate before (F/N)’s eyes. “But I’ll have to see her again during the holidays, and I know she’ll be mean to me at some point …”

“But then you’ll come back to us here, where we’re all the same and we’re all just as weird as each other,” (F/N) reassured her with a smirk. Lily laughed.

“I suppose that’s one way of looking at it,” she giggled. “Thank you, (F/N). That means a lot to me,” Lily and (F/N) were just getting ready to leave the breakfast table when Lily suddenly pulled (F/N) into a strong embrace.

Everyone was looking – including Severus, (F/N) noticed – but she didn’t care. She was just glad to have such a close friend at school already. Somehow, she knew that in Lily she had a sister. In her, Lily would have the same and, she hoped, an adequate stand-in for Petunia.

As they made to leave the Great Hall, talking happily as they went and with Cicero still sitting comfortably on (F/N)’s shoulder, Severus noticed they were leaving and so left the rest of his breakfast and followed suit. He’d discovered he wasn’t that hungry anyway, what with the Marauders pulling menacing faces at him from across the hall. He caught up with the girls in no time, being several inches taller and therefore having much longer strides than them. He contented himself with walking alongside (F/N), finally feeling part of the group once more.

That evening was full of fun, as all the spooky decorations went up and people started getting into the swing of Hallowe’en. Much of the school’s conversation was fixed on next week’s Quidditch match between Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, but (F/N) and Lily, at least, were trying to focus on the event at hand. Late that afternoon, they could be found in the Great Hall helping Professor Flitwick with the streamers and Hagrid with the enormous pumpkins he was bringing inside.

“Incendio _…_ ” (F/N) whispered, pointing her wand at one of the pumpkins, freshly carved with a creepy, Hallowe’en-appropriate face. The inside of the squash lit with bright orange fire and glowed warmly in its corner of the Great Hall.

“Wow, (F/N)! How did you do that?!” gasped Lily, trotting over to look at the illuminated pumpkin. Overhearing Lily’s astonishment, Professor Flitwick looked around the side of another pumpkin which dwarfed him completely.

“My, my, Miss Castor …” he mused, gazing at her handiwork. “How do you know that spell already?”

(F/N) blushed as she usually did whenever a teacher noticed her efforts and muttered, “Just reading … again …”

“Well, I am most impressed!” said the little professor with a smile much too large for his face. “Five points to Gryffindor!”

“Hey, can you teach me?” asked Lily, grinning at her friend. “Seems like a useful spell to know, especially as we go into winter …”

(F/N) obliged, showing Lily the proper way to hold her wand and also the correct pronunciation of the incantation. There wasn’t really anywhere to trip up with this particular spell, so Lily felt very confident in learning it. Soon, she was casting flames into pumpkins herself and both Flitwick and Hagrid were delighted with their teamwork.

“Looks like we got two very clever witches here, Professor,” said Hagrid approvingly. “Only firs’-years, an’ all!”

“Two of the best, I think!” said Flitwick with great praise in his voice, watching Lily and (F/N) setting up a few more pumpkins.

The two girls looked at each other in bewilderment, surprised to hear such a thing coming from one of their professors. Not that they’d expected him to say they were doing _badly_ , per se, but neither liked to assume the professors were overly impressed.

Just as they were putting the finishing touches on the decorations they were in charge of, the girls noticed Severus standing in the large doorway, watching them at the other end of the hall. It was (F/N) who beckoned him over, and she was surprised to see him respond.

Maybe he was getting used to her after all, she thought.

Severus looked around at the decorations but remained silent for a moment, the blazing orange candles reflecting in his dark eyes to make them glow like hot coals. “Looks nice …” he said quietly, seemingly addressing both girls. The pair seemed to shine just as brightly as their fire-making spells.

“Maybe you could get ‘em in to help wi’ Christmas an’ all,” the three heard Hagrid saying enthusiastically. He glanced over and beamed at them from under his enormous, woolly beard, black eyes glittering from beneath thick, untamed eyebrows. (F/N) spotted him and smiled back.

It seemed like no time at all had passed before students began filtering into the hall ready for the feast. Lily and (F/N) had been sitting with Severus on the Slytherin table for a change but thought it wise to move away once the Slytherin Prefect Lucius Malfoy came striding into the Great Hall, candlelight glinting off his white-blond hair like firelight on snow. He cut an imposing figure, and the confidence he had wherever he went was enough to make most of his peers flinch away as though licked by flames. He certainly seemed to think people should behave that way around him.

Meanwhile, on the Gryffindor table, Lily and (F/N) were surrounded by three different groups of people. In front of them sat the other girls from their dormitory, next to Lily sat gentle, inoffensive Haydn Blythe, and next to (F/N) sat the Marauders who were the total opposite of Haydn. (F/N) counted herself lucky, though, that she had Lupin next to her rather than any of the others. Sadly, she could still hear them guffawing above the conversations of everyone else, despite her best efforts to ignore them. After one particularly noisy howl of laughter from Potter, she couldn’t help glancing disapprovingly in their direction, if only for a second. She caught Lupin’s gaze, which turned on her as quickly as she’d looked his way, but he quickly averted it while blushing furiously.

Wondering what his reaction had been about, (F/N) turned her attention back to her friends. As she did so, she noticed that Severus was not sitting with his back to the other houses as he usually did. Instead, he was sitting in plain view of where she and Lily were, and their eyes met for just a moment before he, too, looked away.

“Do I have a scary face or something …?” (F/N) whispered to Lily. The redhead burst out laughing.

“No! Why would you think that?”

“Because both Severus _and_ Lupin just looked away like I was a gorgon,”

Lily laughed again. “I don’t know why that would be,” she said between peals. Then, putting on a fake sort of gasp, added, “Maybe they _fancy_ you!”

(F/N) smirked and elbowed Lily gently. “Don’t be ridiculous,” she snorted, turning towards the front of the hall as the teachers took their seats.

“Why’s that ridiculous?” chuckled Lily. (F/N) wasn’t entirely sure she was still joking around.

“ _Because_. A Marauder, for one thing. I don’t think any of them like us very much …”

“Well, Lupin’s always been quite reserved …”

(F/N) didn’t see the point of arguing. She could tell that her friend had gone back to teasing her. The tone of her voice had changed.

“And Severus has only just started to tolerate me …!”

Lily turned then and raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you sure? That’s not what he said to me …”

It was (F/N)’s turn to raise an eyebrow at Lily. “What do you mean?”

“It’s not easy for him, but Sev seems to trust you already. _Like_ you, even. I’m sure you’re probably aware of how unusual that is,” Lily said with a little chuckle.

“He _told_ you that?”

“In a roundabout sort of way,” Lily affirmed with a nod and a smile.

Just then, they were completely distracted from their conversation by Professor Dumbledore’s Hallowe’en speech and the subsequent promised entertainment. There were ghosts, ghouls _and_ skeletons, all brought together to perform the most peculiar and amusing musical number any of the students had ever seen. They continued to perform well after the applause for their first tune had died down, and even provided background music for the banquet itself. By the time the evening drew to a close, there wasn’t a single student who wasn’t both stuffed from the food and exhausted from all of the excitement – even the older students seemed to struggle on their way to their dormitories.

“That was amazing!” said (F/N) with a happy smile plastered on her face, flopping backwards onto her bed.

Lily agreed wholeheartedly, then said, “It seemed even better for the fact that we helped with the decorations,”

The next morning, Lily and (F/N) noticed that, in the wake of the fantastic Hallowe’en celebrations at Hogwarts, the entire student body seemed to have been left feeling quite worn out but not to the point where they couldn’t get excited about Quidditch the following weekend. There was a lot to look forward to, and a lot to keep up with, but the girls were pleased about their plans for the first Quidditch match of the year because they had successfully persuaded Severus to come with them, despite his best efforts to turn them down.

“You can’t miss the first match we’ll ever get a chance to see!” said Lily, bringing up (F/N)’s argument from before. Close though he was to Lily, Severus couldn’t help rolling his eyes.

“Fine,” he grumbled, putting down the book he was reading. “Just this once,”

“Thanks, Sev!” said Lily, beaming. “You never know, you might like it!”

(F/N) wondered just how well Lily actually knew Severus, then. He certainly didn’t look the athletic type, and not even the sort of person who liked to spend time inside but also enjoyed sports. She caught his eye and offered him a small smile but didn’t say anything.

As the Quidditch match drew nearer and nearer, tensions began to grow and noticeably so. The weather was still reasonably fair, although the impending winter was beginning to seep into the souls of everyone at Hogwarts, but the pressures did not stem from the conditions the two teams would have to fly in. Gryffindor and Hufflepuff, ordinarily on very friendly terms, were certainly starting to view each other as rivals and this much could be observed anywhere you went.

It started off as light banter, teasing the other house’s players and fans alike in the corridors and pulling faces at them from across classrooms and the Great Hall. By the time Friday came around, there had almost been a fight between a Gryffindor fifth-year and a Hufflepuff sixth-year. Nobody knew who started it but everyone knew that Professor McGonagall had finished it, splitting the quarrellers up and deducting house points from both.

Saturday had a much better atmosphere, however, despite the obvious nerves mingling with the wholesale excitement. As Lily, (F/N) and Severus made their way down to the Quidditch pitch, hoping to find three empty seats in the stands, they noted how much nicer the Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors were being towards each other again. Clearly, thought (F/N), the rival teams just liked to wind each other up in the approach to a match.

It was a breezy day, with a sky that had adopted a chilly, silvery tone at about ten o’clock. The day was no warmer than those leading up to it, and occasionally (F/N) thought she detected the scent of snow on the wind. As she and her friends located some seats, she pulled her cloak tighter around her body and pulled her scarf up until it touched her chin.

The trio were instantly relieved that their row was set back from the front of the stands by three others, because Black, Potter and company all came marauding into the stands themselves, causing a couple of students sitting at the front to stand up and take refuge in another row altogether, allowing the four Gryffindor boys to seat themselves without even having to ask … or blackmail … or hex …

“They are so arrogant, aren’t they?” huffed Lily crossly, watching the way the Marauders seemed not to notice how they’d turfed the other people out of their seats. Severus didn’t say anything, but his friends knew what his opinion of them was. (F/N) simply nodded in agreement, brow slightly furrowed. With more time to think about it, she felt sure that if they’d chosen the front row themselves there might have been a real fight on their hands …

Neither Black nor Potter would have thought twice about jinxing one of them … so (F/N) wouldn’t have hesitated to hex them straight back, or even curse them if her back was against the wall.

They didn’t have much longer to wait before the two teams filed onto the pitch down below, carrying their broomsticks at their sides and sporting their house colours. Hufflepuff shone brilliantly against the turf in their vivid canary yellow and black garb, whereas Gryffindor was resplendent in their own scarlet and gold robes. The stands all around them erupted with thunderous applause and cheering so loud it could have woken the dead. The commentator, fifth-year Ravenclaw Jacob McNamara – with whom many a young witch was infatuated – started to do his job, remarking on Madam Hooch’s releasing of the Golden Snitch, the Bludgers, and finally the Quaffle as she blew her silver whistle to begin the match.

It was better than anything (F/N) had ever seen before. Neither she nor Auntie Beth had been much for football, but there was a playing field just down the road from Oxlip Lane. Many times, and at all times of the year, (F/N) and Eddie had passed this field on the way to their next adventure – or the school bus when no one else could take them – and saw a few of the village’s older children kicking the ball around the pitch.

(F/N) had never really taken too much notice, but now her eyes couldn’t decide where to look as she watched the skilful Quidditch players zipping about on their broomsticks, playing their respective roles. Every time Gryffindor scored a goal (by throwing the Quaffle through one of Hufflepuff’s fifty-foot hoops) she couldn’t resist joining in with the rest of her house and cheering along excitedly. Lily was even up out of her seat and hollering encouragements for Gryffindor. The Hufflepuffs were doing exactly the same, and the Slytherins and Ravenclaws who had decided to attend were cheering for those they had decided to support that day.

“That’s forty – twenty to Gryffindor!” (F/N) heard McNamara calling over the pandemonium, and she looked over to see that even the teachers – among whom McNamara was standing – seemed just as enthralled (albeit in a much quieter fashion than the students) as everyone else. “But have we seen the Golden Snitch yet? Our Seekers have been waiting patiently, keeping a watchful eye … but who will spot it first? _Who will catch the Snitch?”_

A few times, even (F/N) thought she saw a glimmer of gold flash past but considered the very real possibility that she was seeing things. She’d been concentrating so hard on the match that she wouldn’t have been surprised if her now-tired eyes had started playing tricks on her. Just as she was thinking this, though, the Hufflepuff Seeker suddenly took a sharp, daring dive towards the ground.

“Hufflepuff Seeker Kiefer Haseltine has spotted the Snitch! He dives, making a corkscrew turn as Gryffindor Seeker Mark Hardisty tries to cut him off … OH, that was a close one!”

McNamara was talking faster and faster, almost babbling as Hardisty forced Haseltine to veer off. The Hufflepuffs seemed to be very cross about this, but no foul was committed as Hardisty hadn’t so much as laid a finger on his opponent. The Snitch had escaped, but Gryffindor lived to see another day.

The Marauders in front were roaring away for Gryffindor, bellowing at the top of their lungs their support for Hardisty’s distraction, preventing Haseltine from winning the match for Hufflepuff as he most certainly would have done – catching the Snitch wins the Seeker’s team one hundred and fifty points and ends the game. The match had intensified considerably, with the Hufflepuffs howling their frustrations on Haseltine’s behalf and the Gryffindors screaming themselves hoarse for a few more goals to be scored, and for their Seeker to get to the Snitch before Hufflepuff, this time.

(F/N) glanced to her right and saw Severus sitting quietly between Lily and herself. When he sensed eyes on him he turned to face the person they belonged to, and his fathomless black eyes locked with her striking (E/C) ones.

“You’re not much for this sort of thing, are you?” said (F/N) sympathetically, and just loud enough for him to hear but no one else. Severus pulled a face that said she was right and shook his head alongside the expression.

“It wouldn’t be much better if Slytherin was playing,” he admitted, shrugging his shoulders. “But you both wanted me to come, so I did …”

Surprised by his honesty, and not having expected him to confess so openly to being swayed by her and Lily, (F/N) smiled and said, “Well, it won’t soon be forgotten. Thank you for coming with us,”

She turned back to the game just in time to see another goal scored by Gryffindor, but she completely missed the look of mild shock on her friend’s face. Taken aback by her kind words, Severus found that he could scarcely concentrate on the match anymore – not that he’d been paying particularly close attention before.

“Oh, what’s this?!” they heard McNamara shout over the megaphone, interrupting his own commentary halfway through on one of Hufflepuff’s Beaters expertly sending a Bludger careening after one of Gryffindor’s Chasers. “Haseltine’s on Hardisty’s tail, this time! Hardisty’s after the Snitch! He pulls up, chasing it into the sky … OH! A sudden change of course! Haseltine’s been thrown off the chase, but Hardisty’s almost on the Snitch! Could this be a Gryffindor victory, could this be it …?”

The entire stadium exploded with applause and the Gryffindors leapt ten feet out of their seats as Hardisty’s fingers closed around the Golden Snitch. Nobody could hear McNamara over the deafening cheers and jubilant screams. The first Quidditch match of the season, and Gryffindor had won it. It was a wonderful first taste of Quidditch for Lily and (F/N), and although Slytherin was the ancestral rival of Gryffindor, even Severus seemed pleased for his friends.

The Hufflepuffs were, naturally, very deflated as they made their way back to their common room but appeared even more so when compared to the elated and very noisy Gryffindors. Severus parted ways with (F/N) and Lily for the time being and, as the two girls stepped through the portrait of the Fat Lady and into the Gryffindor common room, they were bombarded from all directions with the sounds of celebration and triumph. The Gryffindor Quidditch team were standing at the centre of the crowd – the eye of the storm, in (F/N)’s mind – as screaming fans fought to be noticed by the older students. Eyeing them curiously, (F/N) noted that there wasn’t a single one among the team members who was younger than fifth-year.

Then again, she supposed, Quidditch wasn’t the safest sport she’d ever heard of. The number of times players had nearly collided … the number of Bludgers they’d nearly taken to some part of their body … and the _heights_ the players ever went to. It was enough to make your head spin.

Still, she admired whoever _was_ brave enough to try out for a position on the team.


	11. Chapter 11

The autumn seemed to fly by after the first Quidditch match. The days slowly grew shorter, and colder, and the leaves falling from the trees in cascades of russet and gold piled up on the soggy grass to quickly turn to mush. Most students found that their cloaks were now a daily must for their wardrobe, and many also wore thick woollen scarves in their house colours. In (F/N)’s case, Auntie Beth had managed to find (F/N)’s father’s old scarf and sent it back with Cicero along with her response to (F/N)’s most recent letter.

(F/N) was very glad of the new addition to her wardrobe, because she was certain the winter snows were about to descend upon the Scottish Highlands she currently called home. The castle’s corridors were bitterly cold, but she was grateful for the fact that the classrooms somehow weren’t. She had looked about many a time to see if she was missing any well-hidden radiators, but considered that, as with all things, the warmth in the rooms was owed to magic.

At the beginning of December, Professor McGonagall came around with a list, asking the students who intended to remain at Hogwarts over the Christmas holidays to add their names to the parchment. (F/N), Lily and Severus were all going home to their families that year but promised to write to each other. Lily and Severus, of course, lived close by anyway so writing wouldn’t be necessary.

Excited though she was to see her aunt again, and Eddie, (F/N) couldn’t help feeling sad about leaving Hogwarts and her friends for the winter break. With first-years not being permitted to go to Hogsmeade, the wizarding village a short distance from Hogwarts, the three friends had made do with what they could get their hands on to give to each other as Christmas presents: a colourful variety of both real and trick magical sweets. They weren’t goodies they would find in a Muggle sweetshop, at any rate.

The journey back to King’s Cross station via the Hogwarts Express was long and grey, but the three friends managed to amuse themselves and each other with various spells they’d learned already. Severus had been mildly impressed with the girls’ fire-making spells but demonstrated that he, too, had learned it not long after Hallowe’en. Both (F/N) and Severus watched, rapt, as Lily demonstrated one of her favourite unspoken spells – making a flower grow in the palm of her hand.

“I’ve always been able to do it,” said Lily when (F/N) asked about it. Thinking back to her attempts to invent her own spells, (F/N) wondered if the one she knew which was very similar to Lily’s would be at all impressive.

“I don’t even know if it’ll work yet …” said (F/N) nervously, as Lily and Severus’ attention suddenly fell on her and, for the first time, put her under a degree of pressure.

“Try it and see!” said Lily encouragingly. “What’s the worst that can happen?”

“I’ll look a right idiot,” chuckled (F/N), but took her wand in hand and held it ready to cast her spell. So far, she hadn’t thought as far ahead as trying to cast her own spells _without_ a wand. She rolled up her sleeves and readied herself.

(F/N) paused for a moment, focusing her energies on remembering the details of this charm she’d invented, and her mind’s eye focusing on what she meant to do. When she was ready, she gave her wand the tiniest of waves. To her delight, and her friends’ amazement, ivy began winding its way up her bare forearms, stemming from her wrists. Small, white flowers blossomed here and there, giving her the appearance of a statue taken over by nature.

“You invented that?” whispered Lily reverently. “But we’re first-years … How did you …?”

“You’ve just got to want to do it,” said (F/N) simply. “As with all things. Is that not what you do with your flower?”

(F/N) looked up from the ivy tendrils wrapping softly around her arms, like gentle fingers, to see Severus watching her intently. When he noticed her staring back, he offered her a small smile. It was a reaction she hadn’t expected but she smiled back regardless.

About three-quarters of the way back to London, the friends bought sweets from the lady pushing the trolley along the train and shared with each other as they had before. All of them had the distinct impression that the rest of the journey was going to rush by in no time at all, and they were right. Soon they were disembarking the train and gathering their trunks, ready to meet their families. Lily’s mother and father arrived first, and (F/N) saw her friend glancing around when she saw them – presumably searching for her sister, Petunia. She was nowhere in sight.

(F/N) and Severus escorted Lily across the platform to her parents and said goodbye, wishing her a lovely Christmas. Lily pulled (F/N) into a warm hug, then Severus, and bade them goodbye. They watched her go, then looked to their right as the voice of an excited woman rang out above the sounds of the station.

“(F/N), darling! There you are! I got here early so you wouldn’t be waiting …” Auntie Beth came hurrying up to (F/N) and yanked her into her arms for a bone-crushing hug. She even managed to lift her off the ground. (F/N) hugged her back, preferring the warmth of her aunt to the cold of King’s Cross.

“I’ve missed you,” she told her, releasing her aunt from the embrace. She smiled fondly up at her.

“I’ve missed you too, sweetie,” said Auntie Beth, smoothing out her niece’s hair. Then, as she glanced up, she noticed Severus standing awkwardly by and witnessing their exchange. “And who might this be?” she asked with a brilliant, ear-to-ear smile.

“This is Severus. He’s one of my new friends,” said (F/N) without hesitation. She turned back to him and offered him a reassuring smile. He seemed to relax a little, but just as he did so and was about to give (F/N)’s aunt his standard nod of greeting, he became visibly tense once more. _Very_ visibly tense. (F/N) turned to see what Severus was looking at, and saw the same gaunt, pale, severe-looking woman who was with him when they entered Madam Malkin’s back in the summertime.

Severus’ mother wore the same joyless expression as she did back then. This fact notwithstanding, she actually seemed to be completely and utterly devoid of emotion anyway.

(F/N) instantly felt pity for her friend but knew better than to let him figure that out. Not knowing who should speak first, (F/N) was surprised by the fact that Severus decided he would. He gave her a different kind of look, one she couldn’t interpret, and said, “See you later,” before leaving with his mother. (F/N) turned back to her aunt and gave her a reassuring look.

“Severus is … quiet,” she explained, checking to make sure he really was out of earshot. “Can barely get a word out of him sometimes,”

“Wasn’t he the boy who came into the robe shop when we went to London?” said Auntie Beth, taking the one handle of her niece’s trunk while (F/N) got the other.

“Yeah … You’ve got a good memory!” said (F/N) with a grin. They exited the station and turned a corner, and (F/N) was hit head-on by an icy blast of wind. Once again (F/N) smelled snow in the air, the scent brought to her by that particularly strong squall. “We also have a friend called Lily – she’s the total opposite of him, but we all get along great,”

“I remember you mentioning them both in your letters,” said Auntie Beth, helping (F/N) get her trunk into the boot of the car. “I’m so happy you’ve made some nice friends already,”

(F/N) smiled at her aunt and said, “Speaking of friends, how is Eddie? Have you seen much of him?”

(F/N) climbed into the front passenger seat next to her aunt, and Auntie Beth got in and started the engine. “Not too much, unfortunately. He seems a lot more reclusive now that he’s at senior school,”

“Oh …” (F/N) found herself lost for words, knowing then that Eddie would be quite different to when she last saw him. His letters to her hadn’t ever implied that he was a changed person, or that he was any less of a rascal, at least. In fact, he had indicated that he was so bored without her that he’d actually started behaving _worse_. Maybe the reason Auntie Beth hadn’t seen him about as much was because his parents had actually succeeded in grounding the wilful lad.

“Well, maybe you’ll be able to go and call for him at some point,” said Auntie Beth, pulling out onto the main road. “I’m sure he’d like that,”

(F/N) grinned, mostly to herself. “I don’t think I’ll even have a chance to get in and take my shoes off,” she said. “I’ll bet you any money he’s sitting on our doorstep, waiting until we pull onto the driveway,”

***

(F/N) was quite right about Eddie, of course. She knew him far too well. He hadn’t stated _explicitly_ that he would be waiting for her return to Spindlewood Common, but she most definitely had him sussed out. As predicted, as Auntie Beth drove the car onto their small driveway, (F/N) looked over at the door and saw Eddie sitting, patiently waiting for them. She jumped out of the car, which hadn’t even come to a complete stop, and ran to her friend who was now standing, arms outstretched, ready to greet her. The smile on his face was wider than she’d ever seen it.

“Aw, welcome home!” said Eddie as (F/N) pulled him into the biggest bear-hug she could manage. “How was the journey?”

“Long, but it was okay really,” replied (F/N) with a smile. “How are you, anyway? Glad it’s the holidays?”

Eddie made a face that suggested he was sick of school already. The look was a withering one and seemed to allude to his true feelings being those of a person who never wanted to go back. (F/N) smirked.

“Was it that bad?” she chuckled.

“Just … boring, really. And there’s only so much of that you can put up with until it starts to eat away at your soul,”

(F/N) laughed. “And you’re saying this _now_ , only four months into school,” she teased. “You know there’s another six and a half years left of this. Better make your fun somehow,”

“Oh, believe me … if I could, I would,” said Eddie with a mischievous grin.

“Meaning?”

“If I made my own fun the way I wanted, I’d be expelled. And then my parents would set fire to me in my sleep,”

(F/N) couldn’t help laughing again, stepping away from her friend to go and fetch her trunk from the boot of the car now that Auntie Beth was getting out as well. “Your parents wouldn’t do that, Edward,”

“Maybe not, but they’d find some other way of ruining my life. And don’t call me that,”

(F/N) glanced back over her shoulder at him and poked out her tongue. “Whatever. Give me a hand, will you? My aunt’s already done most of the work chasing to and from the train station for me,”

Eddie willingly obliged, helping (F/N) get her trunk into the house. When Auntie Beth mentioned getting the whole thing upstairs and out of the way, Eddie didn’t even need to be asked – he grabbed the handle again and reversed up the stairs with (F/N) bringing up the other end. They deposited the heavy thing in her bedroom before making their way back downstairs for the hot cocoa Auntie Beth was offering. They all sat around the table, talking into the evening about all things to do with Eddie and (F/N)’s two very different schools. (F/N) was just as interested to hear about her friend’s experiences so far at Fallow Academy as he was to hear about Hogwarts.

“I don’t suppose you’d try teaching me some tricks, would you?” chuckled Eddie, smirking at her as he brought his steaming mug to his lips. “Not that I’m a particularly good student,”

(F/N) laughed, and so did Auntie Beth. “In that case, are you sure that’s a good idea?” she sniggered, raising an eyebrow.

“Ah, maybe not,” he agreed, shrugging his shoulders but continuing to grin at her. “Then again, I don’t think you could, even if you tried,”

“That would be your fault,” jeered (F/N). “Besides, I’m not allowed to do magic outside of school. It’s against the law,”

“You have a _law_ against that?!” chuckled Eddie. “That’s … tough,”

“Yeah, but it’s for everyone’s own good,” (F/N) explained. “Imagine the lot of us running around slinging spells left, right and centre,”

(F/N) knew that this wasn’t the real reason underage witches and wizards weren’t allowed to go flaunting their magic. Even the adults didn’t do it in front of Muggles, and there were probably countless reasons why the Ministry forbade these sorts of things.

Eddie seemed to let the matter go. “I can understand that,” he said, taking another swig of cocoa. “I imagine the rest of the world would think you’re all nutters,”

(F/N) gave Auntie Beth a knowing grin. That they were all ‘nutters’ is _exactly_ what the greater population would think. Auntie Beth gave her one small, reassuring nod and a little smile.

A little while later, Eddie stood and thanked Auntie Beth for the cocoa (and the biscuits she’d brought out not long before), making his way to the sink and washing up his own mug. “My parents are probably wondering if I’ve gone off somewhere again,” he said with a hint of resentment in his voice.

“Are you sure you’ve got to go now?” asked (F/N), giving him a pleading look when he turned around. “We could nip next door and ask if you can stay for dinner?” She glanced at her aunt again and she gave her another cheerful nod.

“Thanks for the offer … I think Mum’s got something planned, though …” said Eddie, looking sadly back at her. “You know what she’s like,”

Eddie’s mother had always appeared to be quite strict. Having a son like Eddie had probably tried her patience more times than would be wise to ask about. (F/N) gave her friend a long, serious look before nodding once again and standing to see him off.

Outside on the doorstep, Eddie turned to her and shot her with his usual, cheeky smile. “I’m glad you’re back in one piece,” he said. “Didn’t know whether to expect your aunt to return with a frog in a box, or something,”

“Any more comments like that and I’ll turn _you_ into a frog,” teased (F/N). “Actually, I don’t know any spells for that yet … but I’ll think of something,”

“Ooh, I’m so scared of the witch who can’t do magic outside of school …” Eddie simpered, eyes glittering mischievously.

“Shh!” hissed (F/N) desperately. “I don’t want the whole village to know!”

“Ah, it’s okay. Everyone’s deaf as posts around here,” sniggered Eddie. “Anyway, thank your aunt again for me. It was nice to see you both,”

“Yeah, you too!” said (F/N) happily. She always looked forward to hanging out with her oldest friend – she knew they’d always have a companion in each other and was pleased to see that going to two very different schools hadn’t changed anything. “Behave yourself,”

“Pfft,” snorted Eddie as he made his way down the garden path. “As if,”

(F/N) smirked at his retreating back and waited until she heard his front door open and close, making sure as best she could that he was home safe – even if he did only live next door. She made her way back inside and back to the kitchen, where Auntie Beth was making a start on dinner.

“Need any help?” she asked her sweetly.

“Thank you dear, but I think I’ve got it. Why don’t you go and unpack?”

“Okay,”

“Are you all right, darling?” asked Auntie Beth as (F/N) turned back towards the hallway. “You seem troubled,”

(F/N) stopped and wondered how she had known. She looked back and asked, “Do you think Eddie’s all right? I mean, _truly_ all right?”

“I expect so,” said Auntie Beth thoughtfully, washing potatoes in the sink. She seemed to consider the question a moment longer, however, before adding, “His parents have always been quite strict with him,”

“Yes, but … when has he ever cared? It’s never stopped him doing anything before,”

“Perhaps he’s maturing,” Auntie Beth speculated, shrugging her shoulders slightly. “It’s not an impossible thing for boys to do, eventually,” she chuckled.

(F/N) smiled. Maybe that was it. Perhaps her friend just had a somewhat different take on life, now. Still, that particular explanation for his change in personality, however slight, hadn’t quite managed to convince her that his behaviour now wasn’t that of a more jaded, downtrodden boy.

It hurt to think about. To consider the possibility of someone trying to quash a spirit as lively and colourful as Eddie’s was painful, and (F/N) felt it would be criminal to do such a thing to him.

She thought long and hard about it as she unpacked her trunk, wondering what had happened to dampen Eddie’s usual light-heartedness. He hadn’t seemed _miserable,_ exactly, but there was definitely a quietness and reservation he’d never exhibited before.

Knowing there was nothing more to be done for the time being (and knowing that Eddie would never show ‘weakness’ if she asked him what was wrong), she decided to distract herself with her Christmas homework. She’d been paying attention all year so far, and even doing extra reading in the library (outside of her year’s set books) to supplement her classes. She had been finding it most useful for homework, adding what she could to her essays to bulk them out, in the hopes of earning her some additional marks.

Her teachers had seemed pleased, at least …

(F/N) had managed to lose herself in reading, for what must have been the twentieth time, one particular chapter of _Magical Draughts and Potions_ that she knew would help with the homework set by Professor Slughorn. She wished that Lily and Severus were with her then, as they were both rather good at Potions – particularly Severus. Not that (F/N) was bad at Potions, either … She just had what Slughorn called “an impressive talent for accidental brewing”. By this she presumed that he was referring to the times she’d forgotten to follow a recipe and had ended up making something completely different.

Never anything terrible, she liked to remind herself. In fact, Slughorn had seemed pleased with her “happy coincidences”, as he called them. Twice she had brewed potions the professor told her he would have expected of N.E.W.T-level students (again, unwittingly, but she remembered every step she’d taken to get there) and once she had created something new altogether. When Slughorn had tentatively tested the new tincture, he had found that it possessed properties not dissimilar to the Antidote to Common Poisons when consumed but could also be mixed with harmful solutions to dilute them and render them neutral and ineffective.

Needless to say, (F/N) had been more than satisfied with the house points Slughorn awarded her.

She had already finished the chapter and made a start on her homework by the time Auntie Beth called her for dinner. She told her aunt that she hoped to have all of her work done before Christmas started, and then she would have plenty of time to actually _enjoy_ the holidays.

“That’s a good idea,” said Auntie Beth. “I’m pleased to see you’ve got it all planned out,”

She did indeed. She would have her homework finished by Christmas, and the letters to her friends written and sent by Boxing Day. She missed them already, and although she was glad to finally have time to spend at home with her aunt, she also missed Hogwarts. She had grown used to the hum of magic in the air, and she was already feeling what could only be described as ‘withdrawal symptoms’ now that she couldn’t use her magic until term resumed.

The days passed her by at a leisurely pace. After enjoying a quiet but very merry Christmas with her aunt, (F/N) sent the letters she’d promised Lily and Severus before going back to one of the new books she’d received as a present from Auntie Beth. It was a great, thick, hardback book, a compendium of some of the world’s mythological creatures – Auntie Beth had said that she’d noticed that (F/N) had a copy of _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ as one of her set books for school, but she considered the possibility that her niece would like a book on the topic as written from a ‘Muggle’s’ perspective.

As it turned out, this theory of her aunt’s turned out to be very insightful. Now, (F/N) thought, she would be able to weigh up the facts brought to her by Newt Scamander’s writings (which she would not, of course, refute, given his world-renowned expertise on the subject) against those of Byron Cleary, the author of her new book. (F/N) considered it highly useful to study the Muggle position on the different aspects of the magical world, even if Muggles themselves weren’t necessarily aware of its existence.

(F/N) was sitting quietly on her bed, eating Christmas chocolate and reading her book, when Cicero fluttered up to her bedroom window. She quickly slid her bookmark between the pages, closed the book and ran over to let him in, seeing that he was carrying two letters. He hooted softly as he hopped through into her room and then he glided across the room to his cage, dropping the letters on (F/N)’s bed as he went past.

(F/N) pounced on them as soon as she’d closed the window. She looked at the envelopes and, to her delight, recognised both Lily’s and Severus’ handwriting. In truth, she had wondered whether they would both write, or if perhaps Severus would have seen Lily at some point and asked her to add whatever he’d have written himself in her own letter.

(F/N) considered the very real possibility that Severus _had_ tried this stunt, but Lily had told him off and made him write his own. She pushed the thought from her mind and took the circumstances for what they were – she had letters from her school friends, and she was more than just a little eager to find out what they’d written.

She opened Severus’ first, having the insight that he would, more than likely, have written less than Lily. Whether that was because he wouldn’t have punctuated his writing with numerous exclamations of glee as Lily almost certainly would, or whether he genuinely didn’t know what to write back, (F/N) wasn’t sure.

She was, however, surprised to see that she got a full letter from him, responding to her questions and even asking her a few of his own, rhetorical though they were. She was delighted to see that Severus seemed to have come out of his shell just that little bit more with her (in writing, at least) and now seemed to be what she would almost call warm. Almost. Like a bath with the cold tap running just that little bit harder than the hot, she thought. If you sat at the end of the bath furthest from the taps, where it was warmest, but had your feet sitting under the cold tap, Severus’ disposition towards her felt a bit like that.

She decided she’d take that over Severus actively disliking her any day. Maybe one of these days there would be no hard lines between her and Lily …

(F/N) put these thoughts aside along with the others she’d banished so far and, with a smile brought to her face by the overall niceness of Severus’ letter, she moved on to Lily’s. She had fully expected Lily’s to be full to bursting with unabashed excitement, but what she got was off the gamut in terms of enthusiasm. (F/N) was surprised her friend wasn’t there in person, but she knew if she had she’d have been strangled by the girl who would undoubtedly be hanging off her neck as she hugged her (if the letter she sent was anything to go by). It only made (F/N) wonder what on earth seeing her in the new year was going to be like, but the zeal expressed in her writing made her smile even more.

Once both letters were neatly folded back up and stowed in a box underneath her bed (she would send replies as soon as Cicero was ready for another trip), (F/N) sat atop the quilt feeling quite school-sick. Again, she missed the magic, and now she missed her friends even more. She even missed hearing the Marauders’ stupid guffaws, but she put this down to mere moments of madness. She loved Spindlewood Common dearly, but until she was of age she would deeply yearn for the chance to practice her magic, wherever she happened to be. She was a witch, and proud to be. As soon as it was time to board the Hogwarts Express, she knew her friends would find her sitting with her wand already out, casting some spell she’d decided to experiment with.

Just then, Auntie Beth passed (F/N)’s bedroom door with the washing basket on her hip. She stopped to poke her head into the room and smiled. “Cicero’s home,” she said, observing the little owl preening his feathers opposite her. “Did he bring you any letters?”

“Yes! Both of my school friends wrote back to me,” said (F/N) cheerfully.

Auntie Beth grinned broadly. “I’m glad to hear it! Are they well?”

“Yes, they seem to be,” (F/N) replied, smiling back at her aunt. She always appreciated the interest she showed, even if she didn’t know these people. “It’ll only have been two weeks, but I think it’ll be quite the reunion,”

“You all miss each other?”

“Well, Lily and Severus live quite near to each other, but Severus seems to have warmed up to me a bit and Lily seems to miss everyone’s company!”

Her aunt smiled again, one that seemed to light up the room. Whenever she did she seemed to make all who beheld her feel safe and completely at ease. Having looked at the picture of her family given to her by her aunt every single day since receiving it, (F/N) couldn’t help noticing how very alike her mother and Auntie Beth were. Acknowledging this thought, she felt a pang of something slowly rising to her chest.

“I’m sure you’re keen to get back to school and do your magic again, hm?” chuckled Auntie Beth. Her amusement seemed to increase upon seeing her niece’s startled expression – how had she known that these had been her exact thoughts only moments before she came up the stairs?

“I am, but I’ll miss you again,” said (F/N), with a very torn look in her eyes.

“You’ll be all right, dear,” said Auntie Beth, entering the room and moving to sit beside her niece on the bed. She placed the washing basket at her feet and pulled the girl into a squashy hug that smelled of vanilla. “You’ll have a great time when you go back, and then there’s Easter, then the summer. You’ll be home again in no time, just you wait and see,”

As (F/N) hugged her aunt back, she knew that every word she said was the truth. It would always be a battle between wanting to be back with her friends at Hogwarts, and back at home with Auntie Beth and Eddie just next door. She’d miss whoever she was away from. All she had to do was manage her time as best she could.


	12. Chapter 12

Auntie Beth’s theory that time would fly by was true of the holidays, too. In what seemed to be no time at all, (F/N) was sitting in one of the carriages of the Hogwarts Express, stroking Cicero’s feathers and waiting for her friends to arrive. She and her aunt had seriously misjudged the traffic on the way to London, and they had arrived with an hour to spare. (F/N) had taken the opportunity to do a little last-minute mooching around the shops with Auntie Beth, although she still had all of the school supplies she needed.

When it was half an hour until departure, it had been Auntie Beth who suggested (F/N) should go to Platform 9¾ to make sure she had enough time to change into her robes, and that she got a good seat. So she had given her aunt an enormous hug, almost loath to let her go before disappearing through the magical barrier to the platform. There were too many people around for them not to notice Auntie Beth going through with (F/N), so she decided to stay where she was and try to conceal her niece’s entrance to the magical world. She remained there for a good few moments, staring with bright eyes at the now normal-looking barrier at which her beloved niece just stood. Whatever she’d told (F/N) about the time passing quickly for her at school, she’d known at once that it wouldn’t be the same for her.

(F/N) looked up at the door to her carriage and her face lit with joy. There was Lily, standing waving at her through the window. “Come in, then!” (F/N) called to her, beckoning her excitedly. The redhead wasted no more time in getting the door open and barrelled inside, throwing herself at her friend and enveloping her in the tightest hug of her life. (F/N) wasn’t sure there would be enough air in the compartment for her to refill her poor crushed lungs when Lily let go. What would it be like coming back after the summer holidays?

“Happy New Year!” she gushed, plopping down onto the seat opposite (F/N). “How were the rest of your holidays?”

“Lovely, thanks! And Happy New Year to you, too. And you,” (F/N) replied, looking up and seeing Severus now standing in the doorway, looking more than just a little awkward. It was reminiscent of the first time they’d been properly introduced.

“You too …” he mumbled back, seemingly unsure of how best to respond. (F/N) smiled, which seemed to throw him even more.

“How have _your_ holidays been since we last spoke?” (F/N) asked, turning back to Lily with glittering (E/C) eyes. “I started to worry when Cicero hadn’t come back, and it was the last day of the winter break … I thought he was going to have to reroute to Scotland!”

Lily laughed. “They were fine, thanks! I’m sorry about the mess with the letters … We weren’t expecting replies, you see, and by the time Cicero reached me, at least, it was nearly time to go back to school, so I thought it best to send him home straightaway rather than make him wait for me to think of more stuff to write back to you with … With all the things I could have told you, there’s no way you would have been able to reply in time!”

(F/N) laughed along with her. It was perfectly understandable. “Well, I suppose we’ve got a long journey ahead of us … Why don’t you tell me all about it on the way?”

For the next hour or so, (F/N) listened to Lily’s Christmas anecdotes and even the occasional comment from Severus. Apparently, they hadn’t seen each other nearly as much over the holidays as they might ordinarily. According to Lily, her sister Petunia had taken to covertly terrorising the young witch rather than openly demonstrating her increasingly aggressive dislike of all things magical.

“It’s only because she wishes _she_ were a witch, too,” said Lily bitterly.

“Exactly, Lil,” said (F/N) softly. “It must be hard living with someone like that but pay her no mind. She’ll find something else to occupy herself with soon enough,”

“Yeah … I’ll put a rat under her duvet,” sniggered Lily, then stopped suddenly and rolled her eyes to accompany a deep sigh that seemed to come from her very soul. “But I do still love her. She’s my sister, after all,”

(F/N) didn’t know what to say. She’d never known that kind of life, what with only ever having her aunt. As far as she was aware, she’d been her parents’ only child, and they’d been gone since she was very small. Lily seemed to notice her friend’s reticence and reluctance to proffer an opinion on her latest remark and apologised very quickly.

“What are you sorry for …?” asked (F/N) in confusion. In her mind, there was nothing at all wrong with anything Lily had said.

“I keep forgetting that you were raised by your aunt …” said Lily sombrely. “I mean, I don’t know how people in your … position? … are supposed to behave but … you’ve always seemed so grounded,”

(F/N) smiled and suppressed a small snort of laughter, for her friend was being extremely genuine (as she always was, but that wasn’t the point). Even Severus was looking at her with eyes that appeared to hold sympathy for her. “Thank you for saying so,” she said but grinning at both of them. “I suppose people might expect an orphan to be rebellious and angry at the world … I try not to be like that. My aunt has always been there for me,”

Lily understood (F/N)’s apparent amusement. She was right in saying that she wasn’t at all like what parentless children were often portrayed as. (F/N) was very good at hiding the fact that she never really knew her mother and father.

“You’re very strong,” said Lily. “I wouldn’t be, in your shoes,”

“I’m sure you would …” said (F/N). She was beginning to feel very strange; her head felt very light and woolly, and her stomach was starting to churn. All at once, she realised what it was: the desperation one feels when they know they cannot change something. She wanted her mother and father, more than anything. She simply ignored the pain of _not_ having them for the sake of living a normal life. (F/N) knew what would make her feel better.

“Would you like to see what they looked like?”

Lily grinned and nodded. Severus’ attention had not wavered in the slightest, even when the weather outside the train changed from cold sunshine to angry wind pummelling the carriages and vicious rain lashing at the windows. (F/N) reached into her travel bag and pulled out the picture Auntie Beth had given her at the beginning of the school year. She turned it to face Lily and passed her the moving image. Her friend gasped.

“Wow …” she said in almost a whisper. “Which one is your aunt? Whichever one she is, she looks just like your mum! They’re both really pretty,”

(F/N) grinned and nodded. “My mum’s the one holding me. Auntie Beth’s the other lady – obviously,”

“And your _dad!”_ giggled Lily. “He’s so _handsome!_ ” Judging by the redness of her cheeks, Lily was definitely rather taken with the fine features and glittering, devilish eyes of Magnus Castor.

(F/N) smirked and rolled her eyes, noticing how uncomfortable Severus suddenly looked on hearing Lily exclaim her appreciation of Magnus’ appearance. “Hey, that’s my dad you’re talking about,” she said, taking a swipe at Lily in an attempt to retrieve the photograph.

“I know, and he’s really good-looking,”

“Oh, _really_ , Lily …”

The two girls looked at each other and burst out laughing. Severus wore an expression which seemed to suggest he’d missed the joke, but he didn’t appear nearly as uneasy as he had moments earlier.

“Here you go,” said Lily, handing the family portrait back. (F/N) stashed it safely back in her bag, but not without giving her parents their share of the smile she was wearing. “Thank you for showing us,”

“Thank you for humouring me,”

Severus studied (F/N)’s face for evidence to support his suspicions that she hadn’t actually made her peace with the fact that her parents were gone. He noted the intensity of the colour of her eyes, the slight wetness of them, and the almost imperceptible blush one wears when they’re trying very hard to suppress their feelings, but are quite adept at it already. And, as if that weren’t enough, she was lightly biting her lower lip.

“(F/N),” said Severus.

She looked up, utterly surprised that he’d spoken at all, let alone to her. She watched as he pointed his wand at her, although in a distinctly non-aggressive manner. He made a quick flick with his wrist but never said a word, and suddenly (F/N) was overcome with feelings of euphoria. Her eyes glittered as they had when her friends first joined her on the train, and healthy colour returned to her face.

“What … what was that?”

“Cheering Charm,” said Severus simply, wearing a very satisfied half-smile. “How do you feel?”

(F/N) grinned at him, grateful for his quick thinking and helpful remedy. “Happy. I feel … really happy. Thank you …”

“You’re welcome,”

***

The first week back at Hogwarts was a reasonable one. Their classes were now starting to get _really_ interesting, particularly Charms because they were now starting to learn some spells that could, and would, prove very useful in dealing with the likes of the Marauders and Nolan. Lily and (F/N) were both surprised to learn that Severus was already extremely well-versed in an alarming number of hexes and even curses, but he told them he wouldn’t use them unless he absolutely had to.

Seeing as how the Marauders were beginning to push the limits of what they could get away with (as first-years, it didn’t seem sensible for them to get involved with N.E.W.T-level magic and draw more attention from the teachers), (F/N) couldn’t help thinking that the time for Severus to _maybe_ hex (or curse, depending on his mood) someone was drawing nearer. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him to control his magic, but the Marauders (especially Black and Potter) really did seem to have it in for her friend.

(F/N) was fighting her own battles that term, though. Nolan’s bullying was getting worse, too. (F/N) was glad to overhear one day that the Marauders had no love for and only disparaging comments to make about Nolan’s little entourage, but that didn’t stop her from doggedly trying to get to (F/N) whenever she could. To make matters even worse than that, Nolan’s attentions appeared to have turned to Lily as well. The poor girl was apparently guilty by association, for being friends with (F/N).

“I swear by all that is holy, I am going to hex the ever-loving heck out of Nolan if she keeps on at you. It’s _me_ she has the problem with. I don’t know why that has to extend to you,” (F/N) blazed as they stepped through the hole in the wall to Gryffindor Tower. It had been Lily to give the Fat Lady the password this time, as (F/N) had been far too furious to utter anything other than exclamations of anger.

Lily chuckled, however, as they went to one of the tables and sat down, taking out their books ready to start their homework. They had Charms, Potions and Transfiguration, but since the lessons had gone extremely well neither of the girls were concerned about what they would be faced with now.

“Aw, please don’t let it bother you,” Lily said kindly. “It really isn’t worth getting upset about,”

“But she’s being horrible to my _friend_ ,”

Lily smiled, remembering how (F/N) had defended Severus when they first reached Hogwarts, and before she even really knew him. “You’re a good friend, (F/N) Castor. Too good. We’ll stick together before these people can get to us, all right?”

(F/N) took a deep breath and forced a smile onto her face. “Right, of course,” she said, feeling the smile becoming more genuine. “We’ve got each other’s backs,”

“Cute,” they heard a boy’s voice say from somewhere behind them. The girls turned and saw Black standing casually on the stairs to the boys’ dormitories, arms folded across his chest. “Sounds like you’ve got it all,”

“What do you want?” snapped Lily boldly. (F/N) didn’t say anything, too afraid that the next word out of her mouth was going to be the incantation for a particularly nasty curse.

“Calm down. I just couldn’t help overhearing what Castor was saying about Nolan,” said Black, strolling very slowly down the stairs. His grey eyes glittered with what was unmistakably amusement. “Is she giving you trouble?”

“Has done since Day One,” murmured (F/N), in a tone that even Black recognised as dangerous.

“Yeah, she’s a pain in the arse,” snorted Black, rolling his eyes. He looked far too casual for someone talking about another, who was essentially one of his rivals. “Then again, she is a Slytherin,”

“What’s wrong with Slytherin?” growled Lily.

Black smirked, knowing he’d hit the nerve he’d been aiming for all along. He watched (F/N)’s hand creep across the table and touch Lily’s arm, silently begging her not to bite back. But she already had, and Black wasn’t going to forget that very soon.

“They’re sneaky; everyone knows that. Especially your little friend, Snivellus,”

“Don’t call him that,”

“Or what, Evans?”

“You’ll be sorry,” hissed (F/N) sharply. “Now back off,”

While Black had clearly found Lily to be the complete antithesis of what he considered threatening, the severe warning in (F/N)’s voice and eyes was more than enough to stop him in his tracks. He glared at her but backed off, nevertheless.

“You scared him off, (F/N)!” gasped Lily, whirling around to gawp at her friend.

“He hardly _looked_ scared, Lil,” said (F/N), looking down at her still-blank parchment. “I don’t think Sirius Black would be afraid of anyone. He doesn’t give that impression, anyway,”

Lily was still wearing an enormous grin half an hour later, though, and it didn’t seem to make a lick of difference what (F/N) had to say about the matter. Lily insisted that (F/N) held sway over Black, but (F/N) wasn’t so sure. She was apprehensive already about Nolan’s harassment of her and her friends, and she wasn’t keen on acquiring yet another enemy. So far, she and Lily had been able to see the Marauders off on most of the occasions they’d tried anything while they were with Severus, but there were still a few times when they _hadn’t_ been with him and the Marauders had got there first.

For the next few weeks, the girls kept their heads down and, when attention was drawn to them (for reasons unknown) they mostly got away unscathed simply by ignoring whoever was antagonising them. Choosing to busy themselves with studying in the library (somewhere they had yet to see either of the two groups who liked to bother them) and hanging out somewhere public like the Great Hall where there would usually be at least one teacher on duty, Lily, (F/N) and Severus managed to stay out of trouble for a good, long while. It wasn’t until after they returned from the Easter holidays, and their teachers began to prepare the students for their end-of-year exams, that things really started to get out of hand.

It all began with a particularly bulky load of homework, set by various teachers in preparation for those looming final exams. Lily, (F/N) and Severus had just about managed to power through Potions and Charms on the Saturday after the work had been set and had made a start on History of Magic but quickly got bored – it was a lovely spring day, the sun was shining, and there was only a light breeze at the time, so they all decided to take a walk around the grounds before lunch.

They spotted the Marauders loitering about in the courtyard, so they gave that entire area a wide berth, only to run straight into Nolan and company instead. Childishly as ever, Nolan locked eyes with (F/N) and covered her mouth with her hand, leaning towards the person closest to her (a girl by the name of Cecily Moseley, who was rather bland in appearance and whose personality was much the same) before letting loose an almost hysterical peal of painfully fake laughter. Clearly she’d said something knicker-wettingly funny, because Cecily ‘laughed’ a little too hard as well.

(F/N) didn’t even give them the satisfaction of rolling her eyes.

“God, they’re immature, aren’t they?” grumbled Lily as soon as they were out of earshot. “I’d like to give them a piece of my mind, I’m telling you now …”

“Honestly, Lil, it’s not worth it,” said (F/N), checking her jacket for her wand. She wanted to make sure she had it, in case Nolan or her chums tried anything. Severus kept quiet as usual, but (F/N) could tell just by looking at him that he was as glad to be away from that group as she and Lily were, and that the Marauders hadn’t even seen them.

They made their way to the Great Hall for some lunch before reattempting their homework. Not only did they have History of Magic to be getting on with (a six-inch essay to be completed on the Soap Blizzard of 1378 and another on the Werewolf Code of Conduct), but they also had an essay of unspecified (but strongly implied to be considerable) length to be written on the Transfiguration alphabet and transformation formula for Professor McGonagall, topics they’d covered earlier in the year. Their reoccurrence as homework subjects suggested to (F/N) that the professor suspected they might be on the summer exam.

After an uneventful lunch, and thankful for the fact that they were already making their way towards the library by the time both the Marauders and Nolan’s posse were coming down the opposite corridor, the three friends resolved to return to studying at last. Deciding to _try_ and complete the History of Magic essays first, so they wouldn’t be too tempted to just fall asleep at their desks (and fearing they would forget to do the Transfiguration work if they did), the trio sat quietly in the library, begrudgingly leafing through their own copies of _A History of Magic_ to find the information they required.

“Hey, (F/N) …” whispered Lily, desperate not to have Madam Pince notice her talking. “Can you remember what Professor Binns said about the Werewolf Code of Conduct not being very effective? It doesn’t seem to say anything about it in the book …”

(F/N) looked up, wearing an expression that indicated she was thinking. “Wasn’t it something about no one turning up to sign the document? Apparently it’s not something anyone likes to admit to being, a werewolf,”

Lily nodded in acknowledgement. “No, I can imagine … Anyway, thanks!”

Moments after she’d stopped whispering, Madam Pince, with her bat-like hearing, poked her head sharply around the side of one of the nearby bookshelves and glared at them. All three had their heads down though, so she couldn’t “shh!” them as she so often did with literally anyone who entered the library. She’d vanished deeper into the aisles by the time the library doors next swung open. (F/N) glanced up, quite surprised to see who had arrived … and even more surprised that the doors hadn’t been thrust open so vigorously that they banged against the walls behind.

Sirius Black and James Potter stood there in the doorway, scanning the library as though they were cowboys walking into a saloon. What they were looking for was – more than likely – trouble. It was (F/N)’s first thought that they would have had to have been utterly barking to try anything with Madam Pince on the prowl. That was like doing something stupid in front of McGonagall – although McGonagall certainly didn’t hate students as Pince seemed to.

It didn’t take long for the two troublesome Gryffindors to take notice of (F/N) and her friends. It took even less time for Lupin and Pettigrew to join them. It was almost as if they’d Apparated to the library. Unusually, it was Potter who took the lead in swaggering up to (F/N)’s table, giving her cause to believe that he was now taking over from Black. Potter towered over the trio, staring down at them and what they were working on.

“Really?” he snorted, rather loudly. (F/N) winced, thinking that Madam Pince would have heard that comment halfway down the corridor if he’d only made it outside. “Doing Binns’ work? Who cares about that?”

“We do,” hissed Lily, also concerned that Pince would swoop down at any moment. She was tired of having attention drawn to their group for the wrong reasons.

“Squares,” chuckled Potter unkindly. “Anyway, it’s not you two we’re here for,” he said, pointing lazily from Lily to (F/N) and back again. “It’s him,”

(F/N) glared up at Potter, then Black as he laughed quietly along with his friend. Looking straight at Severus, the Marauders were now quite obviously only there for one thing, but neither Severus nor his friends knew what he’d done to warrant the harassment this time. These boys clearly needed no provocation.

“Would you just leave us all alone?” sighed (F/N), staring at the Marauders with bored, half-lidded eyes.

“I told you, we’re not here for you,” grunted Potter.

“I don’t care. Leave Severus alone,”

“Watch it, Castor. He might start to think you love him or something …”

“He’s my friend. I’m not just going to sit here and …”

(F/N) quickly stopped talking as she heard Madam Pince’s unmistakeable stomping travelling in their direction. Potter and Black quickly threw themselves down at (F/N)’s table, with Black snatching her book away and pretending to share it with Potter as though they, too, were studying. Lupin and Pettigrew dashed over to different bookcases as if searching for reading material. By the time Pince arrived there was nothing to see and no one to scold. She marched off again in a very blatant huff.

(F/N) seized her book back and placed a protective arm over it so that neither of the boys could do anything more to hinder her already slow progress. “Get lost, the pair of you. We don’t care what you’re here for, and I’m sure neither will Pince,”

“Scared of her, are you?” jeered Black.

“Of course not. Honestly, I thought you two were supposed to be clever?” she sneered back. The two boys looked both insulted and taken aback. “You’re clearly just a bunch of thugs, anyway. Your kind always gets what’s coming to them in the end,”

“Oh, yeah?” said Potter, leaning across the table slightly, as though trying to appear menacing. The temptation (F/N) felt to punch him in the face and break his glasses was terrible … but she restrained herself. She wasn’t like that. “What’s gonna happen, Castor?”

“Keep pushing, and you’ll see,” growled Lily, re-joining the argument.

“Ooh, this one’s got nerve too,” sniggered Potter, nudging Black with his elbow.

“I know, they gave me a bit of an earful in the common room, going back along,” Black scoffed. “Seems our pal Snivellus here has got himself a couple of bodyguards, more than anything,”

“Shut up …” Severus said, extraordinarily quietly.

“Ah! So he does speak when the girls are around,” Black said triumphantly, drawing Lupin and Pettigrew back with the sound of his glee. They stood behind Black and Potter so as to intimidate the others, the girls imagined. It wasn’t working – Pettigrew, for one, was probably the least threatening person in their year apart from Haydn Blythe. “So what if we _don’t_ shut up then, hm? What’re you gonna do?”

“You ask that question a lot,” (F/N) commented, closing her book with a snap. “Can’t you think of a better threat?”

“You want us to?” rumbled Black.

“I dare you,”

She hastily picked up her quill and dipped it in her ink pot before beginning to scribble utter nonsense on a spare piece of parchment she had sitting in front of her. Pince was on her way back, and this time she sounded far angrier than she had the first time. Now, there was nothing for the Marauders to disguise themselves with and Pince caught them just as they were.

“Shh!” she hissed, glaring at all four. “If you’re not here to study then get out!”

Once again she stalked off, leaving the four Gryffindor boys with their new rivals, rather than just the one person they loved to pick on more than anyone else. Potter took turns glaring at each of the three friends sitting opposite him, as Black turned to stand.

“We’ll find you later, Snivellus. You can count on that,”

“It’s Saturday, idiot. We’ll be there too,” snarled Lily. (F/N) turned to her, surprised at her anger. Then, she supposed, it wasn’t all that strange – she had been friends with Severus for a long time.

“Calling me names now, Evans? That’s not very nice,”

“You’re calling him ‘Snivellus’,”

“Yeah, but that’s not beneath us, is it?”

“At least you’re admitting it,” snorted (F/N) incredulously. “What would you prefer, name-calling or jinxing?”

Potter actually laughed, then. “Oh, jinxing any day! Please, do make it more interesting. We’re bored now anyway,” he said, standing to join his buddies. “See ya!”

They all made to leave, but suddenly there was absolute bedlam. Not having seen (F/N)’s hand hiding under the table, holding her wand, the Marauders fell prey to the nearly-silent spell she had just cast upon all four of them – or, more specifically, their shoelaces. Potter fell first, then Black, the former with a crunch which announced the breaking of his glasses and the latter with a low thud and yelp of indignation.

(F/N) noted, with great amusement, that Lupin was the only one who didn’t trip, despite his shoelaces having been knotted. In true fashion, it was Pettigrew who fell next and proceeded to take Lupin down with him, sending both of them crashing to the hard library floor. Following their tumble was an almighty _bang_ and flash of bright light, as Pettigrew’s wand fell out of his pocket and discharged itself in the noisiest and most destructive of ways. Whatever spell flew from Pettigrew’s wand violently struck the shelves opposite, sending books flying out so fast they smacked straight into the next row. Pages went everywhere, and (F/N) (although trying desperately hard not to laugh at the ongoing mayhem) prayed to whoever would listen that those books could be put back together again. Lily, on the other hand, could not contain her laughter and even Severus was grinning.

“What the _hell_ …?!” shouted Potter, endeavouring to sit up from the angle at which he’d fallen. Black had already managed to push himself up into a sitting position and was now trying to unknot his laces manually, seeing as how the spell he’d just tried hadn’t worked. “Ugh, help me, Sirius!”

Meanwhile, Lupin was attempting to wriggle free of the lump of a boy who had landed on him. “Get off, Peter!” he grumbled, giving him a good shove. Peter, unable to disguise his horror at the chaos his own wand had just wreaked, simply rolled off Lupin and remained on his back, staring hopelessly at the ceiling.

“Come on, guys,” said (F/N) hurriedly, although still struggling to contain her amusement. “If Pince will tell people off for talking, she’ll slaughter them for _this_ ,” She started to gather up all of her things and crammed them into her bag. “She would have heard that from Hagrid’s house,”

Lily and Severus agreed, grabbing their own belongings and rushing after (F/N), who had already made headway to the door. As her friends arrived at her side, they watched as she took her wand again, waved it at the Marauders, and put it away again having cast yet another barely audible spell before dashing out into the corridor to join them.

“What was that all about?” gasped Lily, still giggling, as they hurried back to the Great Hall. At least, they thought, they’d be able to use one of the tables there instead. “They just … _fell_!”

“She tied their shoelaces,” said Severus, glancing at (F/N) with a smirk on his face.

“When? I didn’t see, or hear, you!” babbled Lily. “And what did you do to them afterwards?”

“ _Un_ tied their shoelaces,” said (F/N) simply. “Pince would know it was one of us if we left them in the state that caused all of that,” she added, sitting down with her friends opposite her. She began taking out her writing equipment and books again.

“That was so _naughty,_ (F/N)!” said Lily, half-scolding her. “We could have been in so much trouble!”

“Not we, Lily, _me_. And Potter did tell me to jinx them, after all,”

Lily studied her friend’s face for a good, long moment. Then, her own broke out into a delighted grin. “You’re a little fox, aren’t you?” she laughed, taking out her own materials. “Oh, I would _pay_ to see that again!”

“Well,” said (F/N) with a very matter-of-fact look upon her face and a canny little smile of her own. “If they carry on as they have been, you’ll see lots more tricks than that,”

***

Three days later, everyone was sitting in Charms with most students hanging off Flitwick’s every word. He was showing them the Levitation Charm again as revision, having asked his class what they felt they needed to go over before the exam.

“This is not necessarily to say that this particular charm _will_ appear on your exam, but it _is_ to say that it’s very probable,” said Flitwick enigmatically, floating the feather he was controlling higher into the air.

Every pair of eyes was fixed on him, particularly Potter’s because the first portion of the lesson had revolved around the Mending Charm and this had proven extremely useful for repairing his broken glasses. Why he hadn’t sought a spell to fix them _before_ the lesson, (F/N) could not fathom.

Just as Flitwick was about to ask them a question about the Levitation Charm, an owl flew through the open classroom door (owing to the fact that it was quite a warm spring day) and dropped a letter at his feet, atop the books he used to stand in view of the class. He brought the feather down gently and lowered his wand, picking up the letter and scanning the writing on the front.

“All right everyone, it seems that’s all we have time for today … Continue practising your Levitation and Mending Charms ready for a mock test on Thursday. Class dismissed!”

Everyone quickly scrawled notes of what their new homework was and started packing up their things. (F/N) just happened to glance up and saw that Flitwick was now reading his letter. The owl was sitting on top of the professor’s desk, quietly surveying the departing students. Just as Lily and (F/N) were about to stand with their bags and join Severus on the other side of the room, Professor Flitwick looked up and stopped them.

“Girls, if you could please stay a moment …” he said, glancing over at them. Immediately the small hairs on the backs of their necks rose to stand on end and (F/N) could have sworn that Lily’s face went just a little whiter. “And you, boys,”

(F/N) realised that he was speaking to the Marauders who were very nearly out of the door already. They turned on their heels and gave him the most vexed of expressions.

“Why, what have we done now?” griped Black, wearing what (F/N) imagined must have been the sulkiest face known to mankind.

“Professor McGonagall has asked for you,” said Flitwick simply. “And last, but not least, Mr Snape … Could you go along to Professor McGonagall’s office at break-time too, please?”

Severus looked across at his friends, first at Lily, then (F/N). His eyes rested on her, and for the first time there was a flicker of true like-mindedness. In that moment, they silently agreed with each other on what this was all about.

Saturday.

All six students did as they were told and made their way to where Professor McGonagall was waiting for them after second period. She looked very stern as usual and asked the last person through the door to close it behind them. They approached her desk and stood in a line in front of her desk, although the two opposing groups remained separate from each other.

“Do any of you know why I’ve called you here?” she said in a very clipped voice.

Nobody said a word. In fact, hardly any of them dared breathe. Professor McGonagall’s icy stare passed over each of them and pierced straight through to their souls.

“Nothing? From anyone? _Really_. I’m surprised, given what Madam Pince confronted me with at the weekend,”

Everyone’s blood ran cold, even though they all must have known by then what had warranted McGonagall’s summons. Severus and (F/N) were right.

Professor McGonagall seemed even less impressed, given how nobody was speaking up. She didn’t get up from behind her desk but continued to analyse them all very closely. “Would anyone care to offer an explanation for why _you_ four were found on the floor of the library on Saturday, surrounded by damaged books and complete disarray?”

“Professor, we’ve already spoken to Madam Pince about this … that is, when she came round and found us on the floor … and we told her what happened …”

“Yes, Mr Black, I am well aware. And what Madam Pince then relayed to me was that the four of you were primarily to blame for the absolute _war-zone_ that became of the library,” snapped McGonagall, intimidating Black back into line. With that, the professor turned her cold attention to Severus and the girls. “I cannot ignore the fact that the three of you were named as being present at the time all of this occurred. The boys here claimed that their shoelaces were tied and that is why they fell, but Madam Pince said this was not the case. Can you shed any light on this?”

“I’m sorry, Professor, it was me,” said (F/N) instantly. Lily and Severus, who were standing either side of her, whirled around to look at her in amazement. Even the Marauders seemed surprised. “I jinxed them, and it all got out of hand. It was silly,”

She looked up, expecting to see McGonagall glaring lividly at her but she was in for quite a shock. Her overall expression had softened, although she still looked quite cross. Just before she could speak, however, she was interrupted.

“We were all in on it,” Severus said quickly. “(F/N)’s just trying to be a hero,”

Lily looked around (F/N) at him in disbelief. Clearly she hadn’t wanted to be in trouble, but she soon decided to go along with it all, to go with (F/N) into what Lily viewed as oblivion. (F/N), on the other hand, glanced at Severus and suppressed a small smile, for it was most unlike a Slytherin to throw themselves under the proverbial bus like this.

McGonagall looked from Severus, to (F/N), and back again before including Lily in her observations of them all. Then, at length, she said, “Well, I don’t believe you would have done anything without provocation …”

“You can’t be serious …” (F/N) heard Potter mutter. Professor McGonagall turned on him like a cat pouncing on a mouse.

“That’s quite enough out of you, Potter,” she bit, glaring the boy down. “You may go, but it will be a week’s detention with me for the four of you, starting tomorrow evening. Ten house points will be taken from Potter, Black and Lupin, and another fifty from Pettigrew for a complete lack of control of his magical faculties _._ I cannot express how much it pains me to dock so many points from my own house, but such behaviour cannot be allowed to go unchecked …”

“What about those three, though?!” cried Potter, pointing in (F/N)’s general direction. “They _caused_ the damage …!”

“Silence! As I recall from my conversation with Madam Pince, Mr Potter, the damage was, in fact, caused by Mr Pettigrew’s wand firing uncontrollably …”

That seemed to shut Potter up, and even Black stopped whinging. Lupin never said a word, and Pettigrew seemed to be hiding (or cowering) behind the first two boys – the leaders of the group in every exploit. Still, they dropped their argument with the Deputy Headmistress ((F/N) thought they had to be completely and utterly stupid to continue their dispute with her) and promptly left.

Professor McGonagall returned her attention to (F/N). “Now that they’ve been dealt with, Miss Castor, would you care to explain to me why you thought it necessary to jinx your colleagues?”

Professor McGonagall’s sharp, green eyes seemed to sting as they remained trained on (F/N), but she didn’t flinch as she tried to tell her Head of House exactly what had led to her tying the Marauders’ shoelaces together. However, she hadn’t reckoned on Severus’ continued interference.

“But …” he said, wriggling his way into the conversation and drawing McGonagall’s gaze. “What (F/N) _isn’t_ telling you is that I gave her the idea to jinx them in the first place,”

“What?” gasped (F/N), looking up at her friend (who was already considerably taller than her). “No, I … it was me, I …”

“No, _remember?”_ said Severus, looking at (F/N) as though they were having the most normal of conversations, reminiscing about discussions they’d had in the past. “I said to you two that I was fed up with those four, always going on at me like they do …”

(F/N)’s eyes widened, realising what he was doing. He was trying to stop her from being the only one to be punished, as he had when he’d claimed that the three of them had been part of the trouble in the library. Wordlessly, she begged him to stop. She’d been the one to attack first, she should be the one to take the fall …

Still Severus persisted with his noble lie. “Professor, I told (F/N) about the jinx. I said to her, wouldn’t it be all right if we messed with Black and Potter a bit, although we wouldn’t mean any _harm_ , of course …” he went on. Professor McGonagall seemed interested in what he had to offer in terms of a rationale for “his” and (F/N)’s actions. “When it came down to it, and the four of them started causing trouble in the library the other day, I … lost my nerve. (F/N) defended me, and Lily too,”

Lily had been completely silent, listening to it all unravel. She was clearly very worried about having to face Professor McGonagall’s wrath, but so far the professor had been very calm with them.

Before (F/N) had a chance to intervene, to put Severus’ uncharacteristic behaviour and white lies straight, Professor McGonagall had already started her piece. “So it seems that all of this really was supposed to be harmless,” she said, following a very heavy sigh. “I can imagine that your intentions were honourable, Miss Castor,”

(F/N) offered a small, appreciative smile to her Head of House and it seemed, for a split second, as though she would return it. But she still had a job to do, of course.

“I cannot, however, ignore the fact that damage _was_ caused by your actions – despite no one being able to know that Pettigrew’s foolishness would extend to the kind of disaster we saw at the weekend. You will therefore have detention with me this evening and that will be all for you,”

(F/N) could not help noticing the slight glimmer in Professor McGonagall’s eyes as she dished out her punishment. She didn’t seem to be even slightly annoyed with her anymore. Then the professor’s words replayed in her head. “Wait … For me?”

“Yes,” said the professor. “Mr Snape, if what you say is true, it hardly seems fair that Miss Castor should suffer for your encouragements, although better judgement and self-control should have been exercised … You will attend this evening’s detention with her, and I will have a word with Professor Slughorn. Is that understood?”

“Yes, Professor,” said Severus.

“However,” said McGonagall, eyeing him curiously. “For your loyalty to your friend and for coming to her defence, I am awarding Slytherin five house points. Well done,”

Severus raised his eyebrows a little and thanked her, not having expected things to go this way. As the three remaining students took their leave, they made their way slightly down the corridor before any of them managed to speak. It was Lily to do so first.

“I _knew_ we’d get into trouble, I just _knew_ it!”

“Calm down, Lily, it’s not you who’s got detention later, is it?” said (F/N), trying to soothe her.

“No, but Gryffindor’s now lost eighty points because of what happened …”

“And as far as the rest of the house is concerned, that’s the fault of the ‘ _Marauders’_ ,” (F/N) pointed out. “Anyway …” she said, turning to face Severus. “What came over _you_ in there, huh? I didn’t want either of you to get into trouble because of a stupid thing that _I_ did. But you lied your way into a detention … I could’ve got you out of it …”

He was quiet for a moment, listening to (F/N) speak. She wasn’t reprimanding him, and she didn’t sound cross but rather … mournful. She’d wanted to spare them the punishment they might otherwise have faced, but she was right … He _had_ lied his way into retribution, a retribution he didn’t deserve.

“I didn’t think it was fair that you should suffer on your own,” he said calmly and simply. “If I hadn’t been there that day they wouldn’t have started on you two, and you wouldn’t have needed to do anything,”

“Hey, that’s not fair on you, though …” said (F/N). “It’s not your fault they keep picking on you,”

Severus shrugged his shoulders. “Guess we’re all in it together now,” he said. “They won’t let up on you either, you know, now that this has happened …”

(F/N) smirked, and Severus couldn’t help thinking that if she wasn’t diametrically opposed to the Marauders because of all the things they did, she might actually be very good friends with them. She certainly had enough of a mischievous streak for it.

“Guess we should head to third period,” said Lily, breaking the silence that had descended upon them. (F/N) noticed that she seemed a lot calmer than before. “It’s nearly eleven,”

(F/N) grinned and agreed wholeheartedly. “History of Magic with the Ravenclaws … Fun, fun, fun!” she chuckled.

“See you both later, then,” said Severus as he started to take his leave.

“Hey …” (F/N) called as she and Lily started to walk away too. Severus turned to look at her. “Thanks, Sev,”

She trotted off after Lily, leaving Severus standing (slightly gobsmacked) in the corridor as it slowly began to fill with students.


	13. Chapter 13

After Professor McGonagall’s ‘chat’ with them about the fiasco in the library, (F/N) and her friends began to notice a marked difference in the Marauders’ behaviour towards them. It was worse – _much_ worse. There wasn’t a single class where they weren’t hounded by them, although the situation was considerably better for the girls when a lesson was taken with the Ravenclaws or Hufflepuffs. It certainly seemed to be Severus’ presence that irked Potter and Black in particular, but even Lupin and Pettigrew (although still only mostly tagging along) were now beginning to partake in some of the name-calling and jinx-casting.

Nolan’s group, who (F/N) and her friends had taken to derisively calling the ‘Bandits’ as a way of likening them to the Marauders and poking fun at both groups in equal measure, had also caught wind of what had happened in the library that fateful weekend. Nolan herself was hell-bent on making sure that (F/N) and Severus were constantly reminded that they had managed to get a detention before any of _her_ friends had.

“They will before long,” said Severus quietly to (F/N) as they walked to lunch a few weeks later. The Bandits’ taunting was relentless, and not a single day went by (if they saw them, that is) where they didn’t jeer at them for the things they’d only heard about.

(F/N) sniggered equally quietly, “That sounds like a threat,”

Upon realising that what he’d said _had_ sounded rather ominous, Severus grinned – purely because he couldn’t help it. “Maybe it should be a threat,” he said.

Lily glanced at them as they walked and smirked. “Was it a detention you two went to or a bonding session?”

Both (F/N) and Severus turned to her with startled expressions. Severus looked away just as quickly, an odd shade of pink dusting his otherwise pale cheeks. (F/N) blinked stupidly at Lily, seemingly unable to comprehend what she was suggesting, but understanding perfectly well.

“Oh, come on, Lil …”

“I know, I know. I’m just teasing you,” she chuckled, nudging (F/N) playfully. “And you, Sev. Don’t take it to heart. I’m happy you two are good friends now,”

Neither of them spoke aloud, but both were pleased as well. There was one last glance shared between them before suddenly (and thankfully) the Great Hall appeared before them. (F/N) hadn’t realised how close they were.

With the summer bearing down on them for no other reason than the omnipresent reminder of their exams, (F/N) and Lily decided that they would simply have a bite to eat and study for most of their lunch break instead. They had their noses stuck in their books, only looking up very occasionally to ask each other questions, and this conveniently provided them with an adequate excuse not to look at the Marauders who had just marched very importantly into the hall and plonked themselves down at the Gryffindor table. Black practically threw himself onto the bench, causing a lot of unnecessary noise as two goblets toppled over, and a plate was sent clattering to the floor. Potter and Pettigrew laughed at his antics, but neither of the girls so much as blinked. The boys continued to talk loudly and with rather vulgar language, but the girls continued their work despite them.

If nothing else, they wanted to be instrumental in earning back the house points the Marauders had lost Gryffindor.

For all of their bluster and antagonism towards (F/N)’s group, however, the Marauders and even Nolan’s ‘Bandits’ seemed to cave to the pressure of the impending summer assessments. (F/N), Lily and Severus managed to avoid them for a respectable amount of time as they continued their revision, and as the two groups of bullies started theirs with only a week or so left to go.

“I can’t imagine they’re going to get very good marks if they’ve only just started studying,” said Lily reproachfully.

(F/N) made no comment either way, for although she knew that Nolan and her motley crew weren’t going to do particularly well, they were still going to get away with doing the bare minimum because that was what they’d _always_ done. She saw no reason why the end-of-year exams would be any different. The same went for the Marauders, although she suspected that Pettigrew wouldn’t be nearly as lucky as the other three, who seemed to be rather clever in their own rights.

If only they would apply themselves, she thought.

(F/N) spent most of her time in the library now, with her nose in a book as usual, except these days she hardly said a word. It sometimes took two or three calls of her name to draw her attention, and when she finally cottoned on she normally wore a very glassy look, as though she wasn’t really there.

“You get so absorbed when you read …!” Lily commented one day. “I hope you’re not pushing yourself too hard,”

“No, no …” said (F/N) with a smile, shrugging off her friend’s worries. Truthfully, she didn’t think she was working hard enough; when it came to Potions, the subject she had a bit of a love-hate relationship with, she simply couldn’t get her head around the fact that there were tried-and-tested recipes for the potions they’d learned that year, and the exam would expect her to follow them. The problem was that her brain seemed to want her to make the potions in her own special, irregular way.

Lily noticed that whenever her friend had _Magical Draughts and Potions_ open she seemed to concentrate much more than usual, and also appeared to lock her jaw into place as she worked. To Lily, (F/N)’s problem was very obvious.

“(F/N), you ought to relax. You get good marks in Potions, there’s no reason you won’t when you’re tested …”

(F/N) sighed and closed her book, supposing it was time to move onto something else for the time being. Herbology was looking a little neglected but leafing through the pages and staring at all of those plants and herbs served not only to remind her instantly of Potions but also to give her a tension headache. She pushed her book book to one side and gently massaged her temples.

“It’s not that …” she said wearily, before going on to explain the exact details of her issue with Potions. She was surprised when Lily laughed at her.

“Oh, you are daft, sometimes,” she giggled. (F/N) looked around nervously and was glad to see that they were the only ones in that corner of the library. “Have you really never noticed what you do when something is _absolutely_ required?”

(F/N) was confused by her question, but she also wasn’t completely certain that her bewilderment hadn’t partially stemmed from her throbbing brain. It felt like it had tiny fists and was thumping away at the sides of her skull. Seeing (F/N)’s befuddled expression, Lily chuckled again and elaborated.

“I’ve noticed, and I’m sure the professors have, too. When you _should_ do something, you tend not to do it in the ‘generally approved’ way. When you _must_ do something, you somehow find it in yourself to do it the way they want you to,”

(F/N)’s eyes widened considerably. “Really? Do I do that a lot?”

“Well, not all the time, but certainly in Potions,” said Lily through another giggle. “Professor Slughorn has never marked you down for your … slightly more creative take on the ‘classics’, has he?”

“No, but …”

“But nothing! I see the way he reviews your work and he always looks quite impressed, truth be told. I’m surprised you haven’t got an Order of Merlin for that potion you accidentally invented that time, going back along …”

“Oh come on, I wouldn’t go _that_ far. It was an accident, after all. You said it yourself,”

“Isn’t that what all discoveries are?”

“Not when you’re consciously using your knowledge of the materials you’re using,”

Lily smirked as though she’d caught (F/N) out. “So you’re telling me that, after all the times you’ve read and re-read our Potions and Herbology textbooks, you don’t really know what all of those ingredients do?”

(F/N) fell silent, mouth opening and closing like some overlarge guppy. She felt as silly as she probably looked.

“See what I’m saying?” said Lily, a little smugly but still reassuringly. She opened her copy of the Potions textbook and turned in her chair so that (F/N) couldn’t possibly see what was written.

“What are you up to?” she asked curiously.

“I’m going to test you – let’s prove once and for all that you know your stuff,”

As she said this, the two girls heard what sounded suspiciously like Madam Pince’s aggressive footsteps making haste in their general direction. They gave each other a knowing (and slightly apprehensive) look, grabbed all of their things as they had after the altercation with the Marauders, and raced out of the library before Pince could reach them.

“Good idea, Lil, but let’s try that in the common room, yeah?” laughed (F/N) breathlessly.

The girls made their way up the marble staircase leading to the Gryffindor common room with their pulses still pounding relentlessly in their ears. Getting caught talking in the library by Pince, especially after the trouble they’d (sort of) been in not long before was not something they particularly wanted to take their chances with.

“I’ll tell you what, though, (F/N) …” said Lily as they came within sight of the Fat Lady’s portrait. “You should ask Sev if he’d help you with Potions, too. You must have noticed how good he is,”

“I have,” said (F/N) minimally. Frankly, though, she wondered if Severus would be willing to take time out of his own revision schedule to help her; she could tell that he already half-believed that she didn’t pay attention in Potions, which was why she always did things differently.

“You don’t sound too pleased with that idea …” said Lily with a hint of sadness. “I thought you two were getting quite close,”

Sure, thought (F/N), she and Severus were definitely friends now. If not for Lily, though, she was quite sure they wouldn’t have been. He would almost certainly have kept his distance. Since their detention together, and his insistence on not allowing her to be the only one to take blame for the palaver in the library with the Marauders, she had detected a very positive change in their relationship, but she just couldn’t shake the notion that he was somewhat irked by her ‘mad inventor’ position on Potions as both a class and a craft.

“Sev doesn’t seem to like my practices in Potions,” said (F/N) uneasily. “I don’t really know if he’d be able to endure a revision session with me. Horse Feathers,” She gave the Fat Lady the password as they arrived in front of her, and she silently swung open to reveal the hole in the wall behind.

Again, Lily laughed. “Don’t be silly, it’s just because he takes everything _very_ seriously. You know what he’s like,”

(F/N) _did_ know what Severus was like. That was why the prospect of asking him for help seemed so daunting. For now, she thought, she’d settle for having Lily’s assistance. They both sat down on one of the squishy sofas, (F/N) dropping her bag on the floor while Lily retrieved from hers her copy of _Magical Draughts and Potions_. They tucked their legs underneath them, knees almost touching and their backs against the arms of the sofa, and Lily started searching the book for a good first topic to quiz her friend on.

The common room was blissfully quiet for a Saturday, and (F/N) guessed that everyone must have been out enjoying the fine afternoon they’d been blessed with. Most people had taken their books out onto the grounds with them, so they could soak up as much sun as possible before being confined to the school when at last the dreaded exams arrived.

With Lily’s help over the next week or so, her assurances that she’d actually spoken to Severus and her promises that, from his point of view, (F/N) seemed to be doing just fine in Potions, (F/N) quickly began to feel much more confident in her abilities. And not a moment too soon, it seemed, for suddenly their first exams were right around the corner.

In true Hogwarts fashion, however, there had to be _something_ causing bother and frustration just before this very important time.

Neither (F/N) or her friends had seen very much of the Marauders or the Bandits in the lead-up to the exam season, but no less than forty-eight hours before the first was due to begin, both groups decided the time was right to start practising their ‘Charms’ and ‘Transfigurations’ alarmingly close to wherever (F/N), Lily and Severus happened to be.

They were thankful for the fact that neither group of nuisances seemed to fully have their hearts in it this time but on every occasion, if any of the three friends had strayed one or two inches to either side, they would undoubtedly have been struck with a colourful selection of especially irritating jinxes or spells whose effects were difficult to reverse – if the poor students they _did_ hit were anything to judge by.

“You’d think they’d be paying more attention to spells that will help them in their exams …” Lily grumped as she sat at the Ravenclaw table in the hall, with Severus and (F/N) sitting opposite. Lily had her back to the Marauders, but somehow seemed unable to ignore them even for the small blessing of being unable to see them. She reburied her nose in the Defence Against the Dark Arts textbook, but over the top of the pages (F/N) noticed that Lily’s brow was furrowed in concentration, frustration, or both.

“Hey,” said (F/N), gently placing a finger on the top edge of Lily’s book and pulling it down slightly. “Remember what you said to me in the library?”

Lily glanced at her friend, wondering what she was talking about.

“You told me to chill out … or words to that effect,” (F/N) chuckled. “I know the exams are nearly on us, but it’s no good cramming at the last minute. You’ll drive yourself crazy, and we need to save that for sixth or seventh-year,”

Lily cracked a smile. “You mean for N.E.W.T-levels? You think _then_ will be the best time to lose our minds?”

“I’m saying you’ll get more sympathy for it than if you lost your marbles over first-year assessments,”

Severus made a low, soft noise that sounded a little like laughter but also as if he was merely clearing his throat. (F/N) glanced at him and saw that he was quickly trying to erase a smirk. Lily was grinning too, but she was making no effort to hide it.

“Truer words were never spoken,” she said, putting her book away and consciously attempting to relax her shoulders. They had risen halfway up her neck with how hunched over she’d been. (F/N) chanced another glimpse at Severus and his expression (although admittedly she could only see the side of his face) seemed to suggest that he agreed with Lily. Even he put down his Potions textbook, apparently tired of studying.

They sat talking a short while longer, wondering what to do with the free period they’d been afforded by the coincidence of Professor Flitwick having to be called away from normal lessons, to assist Professor Sprout in the banishment of an overenthusiastic Devil’s Snare. They heard that it had grabbed several students (as was its mandate) who, when they discovered it in its dark corner of the castle, were foolish enough to touch it and the plant was actually so persistent that it now required two professors to halt its activities.

Dodging one more spell fired at them from Potter’s direction – which rushed past and smacked Nolan’s friend Moseley in the back of the head and caused her hair to turn into what looked like the stalk of a pineapple – the trio decided now was as good a time as any to make themselves scarce.

They retreated from the Great Hall together, smirking as though one of them had reminded them of a very funny inside joke, and as they walked they listened to the gradually fading sounds of the Marauders and the Bandits loudly declaring war on each other.

***

The exam fortnight snuck up on them even quicker from that point onwards and passed them by more slowly than they ever could have dreaded. On an exam day, there was a theory test in the morning and a practical one in the afternoon. Between examinations, (F/N) barely felt as though eating would be necessary and found herself retreating back into her books for extra revision, despite having told Lily that cramming would be of no use. Lily thoughtfully pointed this out to her.

“I know, Lil; I just feel like this particular spell is going to come up later …” she said, digging through _The Standard Book of Spells_ for information on a charm Professor Flitwick had taught them sometime in February.

Lily snorted in an amused sort of disbelief. “You must be joking, right? If anyone knows that book back to front, it’s you. And I guarantee that whichever spell Flitwick tells you to do, you’ll know how to do it without a second thought,”

(F/N) supposed that what Lily was really trying to say was that she was worrying too much. At that moment in time, what was done was done and she couldn’t hope to learn anything more over their lunch break. She’d been practicing her charms all year long, even before she’d actually arrived at Hogwarts, and she knew in her heart of hearts that she must have at least _experimented_ with each article in her textbook on one occasion or more. When it came to the spells Flitwick had recommended his class pay extra attention to, (F/N), Lily and Severus had really taken his advice to heart and had, between them, very possibly revised those charms enough times that their wands could perform them on their own.

She would just have to work with what she had.

The days were steadily growing hotter and sunnier, and throughout every exam they sat the students could not help gazing wistfully out of the windows at the inviting summer weather beyond. Often, cool breezes would disturb what would otherwise be very still and heavy afternoons, providing a breath of fresh air to the school. It was for this reason that, as soon as the exams were all behind them, every single witch and wizard at Hogwarts flooded out onto the verdant grounds.

(F/N) and her friends headed straight down to a quiet patch of grass reasonably near to the shore of the Great Lake. (F/N) had chosen to sit in the sun rather than the shade for the time being. The light wind blew her hair past her shoulders and cooled her neck and face as she closed her eyes in the face of it. It was beautifully serene in this spot; the only sounds to meet her ears were all natural. Not even Lily or Severus were talking. No one else bothered to come this way, because there was another tree further from the lake that people liked to sit beneath, and if they wanted to paddle in the lake they would do so elsewhere along the shore.

(F/N) turned and opened her eyes. Severus was sitting with his back against the trunk of their tree, reading a book that had very little to do with any of their exams. He seemed to be reading it at a very leisurely pace. Lily was lying flat on her back in the shade, hands clasped together over her torso and rising steadily with her breathing. Her legs were sticking out in the sun.

(F/N) turned her attention back to the world itself. The lake lapped gently at the rough shoreline, disturbing a few light pebbles as the water trundled over them. The tiny waves rolled quickly, lasting no longer than a second or two, and their comings and goings were almost respectful in their quietness. Whenever the wind blew, its cool fingers brushed over her face and through her hair, and along her arms which were exposed to the sun when she rolled up her sleeves. The leaves of the tree standing protectively over them rustled as though speaking with the wind, greeting each small gust as it came and steadily falling silent as the air stilled once more. Somewhere nearby, in a bush or another tree, a blackbird sang to whoever would listen, reminding (F/N) of her rural home.

Soon, she thought, the long summer holidays would be upon them and it would seem like an age before she could see her friends again, or practice magic. It was a difficult thing for any young witch or wizard to suppress, and for nearly two whole months …? (F/N) didn’t know how she was going to cope. Would she get away with it if she went out into the middle of nowhere, as she used to with Eddie, and tried a few spells on her own?

Probably best not to risk it, she thought.

She glanced back at her friends, neither of whom saw her looking, and smiled. She’d miss them again, of course, but they’d still write to each other. And, when they returned to school in September, all of the opportunities they’d have to practice their magic would be never-ending. She hoped that, over the summer, she’d have learned something new and useful to try out upon her return to Hogwarts.

(F/N) turned her eyes towards the castle, huge and grey against the cerulean sky, towering grandly over the grounds. A small shiver ran the length of her spine, and all of the small hairs on her body stood on end as though a tiny bolt of lightning had rippled through her soul. Another small gust of summer wind ruffled her hair with affection.

She held all the love in the world for Spindlewood Common, but something told her that she was already where she was meant to be.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning: Extremely long chapter ahead. The author offers her apologies.

That summer felt longer than any (F/N) had ever had before. Of course, it was two months long which was indeed longer than any she’d had in the past, but it also seemed to drag itself along at a snail’s pace. She was very glad of the break she’d been afforded, because it had been a long year of constant, (mostly) self-inflicted studying, and now spent most of her days either in the garden helping Auntie Beth with the flowerbeds and hedges, or out and about with Eddie in the wilds surrounding the village.

She was always glad to spend as much time as she could with him; every time she came home for a holiday, it truly dawned on her how many long months they spent apart. It was still a difficult pill to swallow, as before going to their respective senior schools they spent most hours of most days in each other’s pockets. (F/N) had been surprised, the day after her return from Hogwarts for the summer, when Eddie had wrapped her in a tight hug, squeezing her until she was gasping for breath. Apparently he’d missed her.

He often pestered her about magic, too, despite her reminders that at her age, it was illegal for her to demonstrate her powers outside of school, something she had notified him of over Christmas. Eddie seemed to want nothing more than to see her cast a few spells, to prove that she was more magical than simply attracting the local wildlife without trying, but eventually he stopped asking.

That didn’t, however, prevent him from glancing at her every so often as though hoping to catch her in the act.

One day, while sitting on the lawn in (F/N)’s colourful garden, she nonchalantly mentioned to Eddie that she would soon need to make the long trip to London to buy her school supplies for the upcoming year. All she needed to do was wait until her letter came from Hogwarts, telling her what she’d need this time. Eddie then proceeded to ask her all sorts of questions about what buying school supplies entailed for her.

“All it means for me is going and restocking my pencil case,” he snorted. “Your shopping list must contain more than just ‘new pens’ and ‘a replacement ruler because the girl who sits next to you in physics snapped your old one’,”

(F/N) couldn’t help the loud hoot of laughter that left her. “You were waiting for the right moment to mention that, weren’t you?”

“Yeah … This girl, Daisy, she’s such a cow. Always doing something to annoy me, _specifically_ ,”

(F/N) sniggered again, pulling up a real daisy and twirling it between her thumb and index finger. “Sounds like she’s trying to get your attention,”

“What, so I never forget her stupid face?”

(F/N) laughed even harder. Eddie thought it sounded like she was about to break into song. “She _likes_ you!” she teased. “Tell me, what else does she do?”

Eddie shot her an unappreciative look and growled lowly. “Prods me with freshly sharpened pencils … steals _my_ pencils … draws on my hands and arms when my sleeves are rolled up … dismantles my pens, puts them back together, and when I get them back I find the springs inside have vanished …” Every word, most notably those uttered towards the end of his tirade, were spoken with a slight snarl. He looked up and saw the very sly look gracing his friend’s features. He grimaced at her and muttered, “What?”

“Sounds like she can’t get enough of you,” jeered (F/N), although only gently so that he could see she was joking. “And it sounds like she’s managed to really get under your skin. You ought to relax!”

“How can I relax when I have to sit next to someone who asks to borrow my pencil sharpener, then doesn’t empty it and puts it straight back in my pencil case?”

“You’re cross because she returns the things she’s borrowed?”

Eddie shook his head vehemently. “You don’t know the struggles of using normal stationery. Having to shake out all those bloody pencil shavings? Nightmare. Absolute _nightmare_ ,”

(F/N) was suddenly grateful for her quill. Then, she remembered, the inkpots they used at Hogwarts liked to leak and soil just about everything in their bags when the lids weren’t properly fastened. She told Eddie about this, even following it up with an anecdote involving Pettigrew – one day just before the Easter holidays, one of his inkpots had all but exploded in his bag – probably because his wand was in close proximity – and the next time he’d tried to use the wand itself he ended up projecting black ink halfway across the Transfiguration classroom. McGonagall had been most unimpressed, more so for the fact that Pettigrew had failed to notice that the entire contents of his bag was plastered in ink. Eddie burst out laughing.

“My problems with Daisy are nothing compared to that guy …”

“Oh, the boy’s a headache,” said (F/N) without hesitation. “All of our teachers say so,”

“And you said he’s in your house? I’ve heard you mention him before …”

“Sadly, yes,” said (F/N), shaking her head this time. “Due to some shenanigans that occurred shortly _after_ the Easter holidays – which were partly (or mostly, depending who you ask) my fault – he and his friends lost us eighty house points which we weren’t able to recover, for some reason … Lost us the House Cup at the end of the year to Ravenclaw …” she went on, with a strong note of bitterness seeping into her voice.

Eddie chuckled mischievously. “So, you’ve been getting into trouble, have you?” he said craftily. “This is news to me,”

“Yeah, I didn’t have any plans to mention it, really,” (F/N) giggled.

“It’s okay, I’m always in trouble at school,” said Eddie with a shrug of his shoulders.

(F/N) feigned shock by widening her eyes and placing a hand over her heart. “You? Edward Frost, in trouble? Never,”

“Must you use my full name?” Eddie grumbled, but when (F/N) looked she saw that he will still wearing his usual cheeky smile. “Anyway, when d’you think you’ll get this letter?”

“I don’t know … They usually send them in good time, weeks before the new term is due to start, and that’s … what? Three weeks, yet?”

“So it should be any day now,” said Eddie. “Only reason I ask is because my parents have been on about going to London for a few days now. Something to do with their work. Maybe you could come with us?”

(F/N)’s eyes widened again, this time in genuine alarm. “But … they don’t know I’m a witch, do they?” she whispered. Her storytelling about anything to do with Hogwarts had been quiet, too.

“No, of course not. I haven’t said a word,” said Eddie honestly.

“Then how will I manage to sneak off and get my things without any questions being asked?”

“Hm … I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe you could ask one of your school friends to meet you there? I’m sure my parents would be fine to let you wander off and find us at a meeting point later …”

(F/N) considered it for a moment. “I’ll have to talk to my aunt first. I don’t know if she’ll like the idea of me wandering around London without her …”

Eddie smirked again. “Of course,” he said, leaning back on his hands and lifting his face to the sun. “I know your aunt’s protective of you,”

It was true, (F/N) thought. Auntie Beth had always been protective, and even though she now went to a boarding school, nothing had changed. She still liked to know where she was going, who she was going with, and what time she expected to be back.

Later that evening, (F/N) discovered that an owl from Hogwarts had already been and gone, and she’d missed it entirely. She was exceptionally pleased to discover, however, that it had not been the only owl to arrive at the house that day – two letters had come back with Cicero, one from Lily and one from Severus. Having read her Hogwarts letter, she considered the time to be right for her to ask Auntie Beth about heading up to London and revisiting Diagon Alley.

“Of course, dear. Shall we go on Saturday?”

(F/N) smiled brightly. “That sounds good to me. Eddie mentioned going to London soon with his parents … Do you think they’d like to come with us?”

Auntie Beth considered her question for a moment before answering. It seemed to be something she really needed to think about. “All right, dear. I’ll pop round and speak to them tomorrow, see if they’d like to come. I take it this was Eddie’s idea?”

“Yeah … You know what he’s like. He also suggested I write to my school friends and see if they’d be able to go when we do,”

Auntie Beth seemed to perk up. “That sounds like a good plan. Cicero came back with letters from them, didn’t he?”

(F/N) nodded, holding up the now-open letters for her aunt to see. “Eddie mentioned inviting them as a means of distracting his parents from where I’ll be wandering off to,”

“That sounds very sensible,” said Auntie Beth approvingly. “They’re very … traditional, his parents. I don’t know how they’d like it if they knew you were a witch. Not that it’s a bad thing in the slightest,” she added hastily, seeing (F/N)’s face drop.

“I know there are people who don’t like magic or want to believe that it’s real …” said (F/N) maturely. “No one can help that. That’s one of the reasons we’re not supposed to do magic outside of school,”

Auntie Beth turned to her niece from where she stood at the kitchen sink and smiled gently, the corners of her eyes creasing slightly. “One day, sweetheart, you’ll be able to cast your spells as much as you like and show all of the other witches and wizards just how strong you are. _Even_ if non-magic folk aren’t meant to know about your world,”

That seemed to warm (F/N)’s heart, cheering her up considerably. She thought of Eddie, and how much he seemed to want to see her do magic … One day, she thought, there would be nothing to stop her from showing him a trick or two. The prospect excited her … She was very proud to be a witch.

That evening, (F/N) wrote her replies to her school friends and asked each of them what their plans were for getting their school supplies, and whether they wanted to meet with her in London. It had been about a month and a half since she’d seen them, and she was almost giddy with anticipation of their answers. She decided that she would give Cicero a good rest as usual, before sending him back to where her friends lived. They were a few hours’ _drive_ away, at least, and with Cicero only being little she didn’t want to exhaust him by sending him on too many long flights back-to-back.

When she did send him off, however, he returned not a day later with new letters. Lily had been extremely glad to accept (F/N)’s invitation and proposed date for going to London (she had already confirmed it with her parents) but Severus, although expressing gratitude for the invitation himself, regretted that he couldn’t go with them on Saturday as his mother already had plans for them to go the following week.

(F/N) was sad to hear this, as it would have been nice to see both of her friends at the same time, but she supposed one was better than none, and Lily never failed to brighten a day. Now she just had a couple more days to wait until she could see her and also rush off to Diagon Alley where many wonderful magical things awaited them. The more she thought about it the less patient she became.

When Saturday did finally arrive, (F/N) was just as excited to get out of the house as she had been the very first time. She just hoped she wouldn’t be as shy when talking to people, as she had been before.

She and Lily arranged to meet at the Leaky Cauldron at noon, before heading out to get all of their shopping done and catch up in person; both had agreed on a previous occasion that you could only say so much in a letter. (F/N) had already warned her friend that Eddie would be out and about in London, so if they happened to still be together when they bumped back into him, (F/N) hoped Lily wouldn’t be alarmed by the number of questions he was bound to bombard her with.

The journey was almost twice as long for (F/N) as it was for Lily, but (F/N) supposed that it wasn’t such a bad thing. She got to see both urban and rural areas, the latter of which was nearly always breath-taking. Rolling green fields as far as the eye could see, lush wooded areas lining the railway tracks and small farms sprinkled throughout the countryside. Eddie sat beside her, chatting reasonably quietly to her as Auntie Beth sat next to Eddie’s mother. Apparently his father hadn’t been able to go with them, but Eddie hadn’t said why.

A few hours later, their train pulled into Charing Cross, which happened to be the closest station to Diagon Alley. They disembarked, left the station as quickly as they could so as not to be separated by the thickening crowds, and staggered out onto the street beyond to find that the sun was beating down just as hotly as last time.

“How do the locals _manage_?” gasped Eddie, making a beeline for the nearest shade. The tall building he’d taken refuge beside cast an enormous shadow, covering the majority of the pavement and providing more than enough shade for all of them. (F/N) checked her watch, realising that Lily would be there soon, but also that Eddie seemed to be making no effort to move. She knew where to go – she would just have to part ways with her company.

“Auntie Beth …” she whispered, tugging on the sleeve of her aunt’s dress. “I need to go and meet Lily … Can you distract them?”

Auntie Beth smiled at her niece and nodded. “Of course, dear,” she whispered back. “Off you go, and I’ll meet you back on the platform at four o’clock,”

(F/N) grinned and nodded. She checked that the coast was clear (namely, making certain that neither Eddie nor his mother were looking) before darting off down the road, weaving between the people who were moving far slower than she was. Auntie Beth watched her go, making sure she would be all right, before turning back to her neighbours.

(F/N) made straight for the Leaky Cauldron, which she remembered very vividly and could not wait to reach purely for the fact that she would soon be around other magical people. She had been feeling a little stifled, not being permitted to use her magic, so being around others like her would be a welcome change.

She walked straight through the front door into the dimly lit room beyond, with its little tables and patrons minding their own businesses. A couple of them looked up when she entered, but soon went back to their drinks and conversations. The old innkeeper spotted her dithering by the wall and gave her his usual, largely toothless smile before hobbling over.

“You all right there, love?” he said warmly, stopping a few feet away.

“Oh, yes thanks!” (F/N) replied quickly, returning his smile. “I’m just waiting for my friend,”

“Right you are, dear,” said the man, just as kindly as before. He returned to the bar, and just as one of his patrons started talking to him (F/N) heard the door open and close behind her. She turned just in time to see Lily barrelling excitedly up to her, but thankfully she didn’t pounce on her as she had after Christmas, owing to the fact that she probably would have knocked over several tables otherwise.

“Hey, how are you?” she asked breathlessly, scrunching the sentence together so that it sounded like one very long word.

“I’m well, thanks! And you?”

Lily appeared to be bubbling inside, because she was struggling to stand still. “Excited! Ready for some shopping?”

The fact that normal girls might be excited about going shopping, but that they felt the same about shopping for schoolbooks and refills of various weird, wonderful and often disgusting potion ingredients, was not lost on (F/N) and she smirked to herself.

“Of course,” she replied, in a much calmer tone of voice than Lily’s. Still, she wore a smile that told her friend that she was very glad to be there. “Just standing in here for a few minutes has worked miracles…”

Lily laughed at the lofty expression on her friend‘s face. “Is that so? Has it been that bad being away from it all?” she asked as they walked to the back of the Leaky Cauldron, where the most normal entrance to Diagon Alley lay.

“Well … You and Sev live near to each other, don’t you? At least you have other magical company,”

Lily glanced at (F/N), feeling a little guilty. “Oh … You’re right. I suppose the most magical thing you come into contact with is … well, I don’t know what …”

(F/N) took out her wand and tapped on the right bricks to make the courtyard’s back wall open up. She could hear the awkwardness in Lily’s voice and didn’t need to look at her to know what her expression would be. She looked anyway and offered her a smile.

“It’s okay, you know …” she said gently as they walked through the archway that opened up. “You don’t have to feel guilty and apologise every time you talk about something that you have, and I don’t. You know I’m not like that,” she added with a chuckle.

“I know, I know …” said Lily, smiling. “I just can’t always tell what you’re feeling, even if you’re smiling, or frowning, or …”

“My face doesn’t always react to what my brain’s prattling on about,” (F/N) laughed as they made their way down to Gringotts, slaloming between all of the other witches and wizards. “So, even I don’t really know how I’m feeling sometimes. Don’t take it too seriously,”

Lily cast a curious look in her friend’s direction as they reached the doors of the goblin-run bank. “All right, but … I really feel like that was an attempt to brush me off,”

(F/N) looked a little surprised but took the comment in her stride. “I wouldn’t brush you off, Lil. I know you worry sometimes, but truly. Don’t worry about “forgetting yourself” and “saying something terrible”. There really isn’t anything _you_ could say that would upset me,” she replied, laughing good-naturedly at the face Lily pulled.

Hearing (F/N) laugh about it and hearing that laughter echoing about the bank, the dark cloud of worry hanging over Lily’s head was blown away by a phantom wind of levity. Her face broke out into a wide, cheerful grin and she giggled along with (F/N).

The girls took turns in approaching the surly-looking goblin sitting at the main desk, with Lily going first. She agreed to meet (F/N) back on the front steps when they’d both withdrawn their money. (F/N) stood patiently by until another goblin came over to see what she needed.

“I’d like to enter my vault, please …” she said politely, holding out her key for the goblin to inspect. She wondered whether Bashnuk was still about as she scanned the goblins sitting in rows along each side of the large hall, silently weighing jewels the size of human fists and heaps of gold coins, and keeping a very careful record of everything they handled.

“Very well,” said the goblin, handing back her key. He gestured for her to follow, and she went with him through the same door as last time. It took her eyes some time to adjust to the low lighting, in comparison to the dazzling brightness of the main hall. She boarded the little cart the goblin had just clambered onto and braced herself as it went rocketing off down the tracks. (F/N) barely had time to draw breath before she’d arrived back outside her vault, somehow now a familiar sight despite only having seen it one other time.

“Vault five hundred and twenty-two,” said the goblin, hopping onto the stone ledge. “Lamp, please,”

(F/N) glanced to where the goblin was pointing and grabbed the lantern’s handle, swinging it over the cart and passing it to him as asked. He took the entire body of the lantern in both hands, and (F/N) followed him over to the door of her vault. The goblin placed the light down, where it cast a circular orange glow on the rocky floor and asked for (F/N)’s key again.

She watched as he set about opening the vault door, then as the door swung open once more to reveal the small fortune her parents had left for her. She still couldn’t help wondering exactly where her mother and father had acquired such an amount of money, enough to see her through all seven years of Hogwarts, at least …

She gathered up a pouch with a healthy number of Galleons, Sickles and Knuts before backing out of the vault again. Being very good with her money, (F/N) expected all of the money she’d withdrawn to last her the whole year. After all, it wasn’t until their third year that they’d be allowed to go to Hogsmeade with the other, older students. It was an exciting thought – yet more discoveries to be made, and more people to meet. So, with this in mind, she thought it best to buy only what was absolutely necessary and have a good sum of money left over, because who knew what she might need it for later?

As soon as she was finished and had survived the journey back to the surface, (F/N) half-walked, half-staggered out to the front steps where Lily was waiting patiently. She looked her up and down as she arrived at her side, cracking a knowing smile and chuckling under her breath.

“Yeah, yeah … Laugh it up,” (F/N) grumbled, doing her best to keep up.

“Oh, I will,” Lily tittered. “I must admit, that did seem bumpier than last time …”

“Good, I’m glad it’s not just me,” muttered (F/N) in response, pulling her shoulder bag closer as they moved through a particularly thick crowd. They all seemed to be ogling something in one of the shop windows, but there were so many people – and so many of them taller than the girls – that they couldn’t even get a glimpse of what they were so excited for.

“Wonder what that’s all about,” Lily said as they reached Flourish and Blotts.

“No idea,” said (F/N), shrugging her shoulders and pushing the door. “Must be something at least a _little_ bit interesting,” she added with a grin. Lily knew that look – that was (F/N)’s “everything magical is interesting” look. Lily marvelled at how her friend had even managed to find certain topics in History of Magic interesting. (F/N) had reasoned that if not for Professor Binns’ droning teaching style, probably a good few more students would find it interesting.

“I can’t be the only one not to have fallen asleep in his class, can I?” she’d once said.

Lily had smirked in response, and said, “Yet,”

Now, inside Flourish and Blotts and in amongst all of the tomes and novels stacked here, there and everywhere, Lily could see that (F/N) was really in her element. She wasn’t even beginning to search for any of their set books for this year, few in number though they were, and had instead started browsing in the section devoted to Divination. When (F/N) realised where she was, she couldn’t help thinking how very like her aunt she was – as soon as Auntie Beth had set foot inside this shop, she’d picked up a book on palmistry and had been leafing carefully through it while (F/N) gathered the books she’d needed at the time.

“Come on, bookworm,” Lily teased her gently. “We need _The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2,_ and … Oh. That’s it,”

“Well … We might not _need_ any other books, but I’m sorely tempted to see if I can get something else as a bit of reading on the side …” said (F/N), eyes straying back to the shelves and piles of books surrounding them.

Lily pretended to sigh in exasperation, but she couldn’t hide the smile that drifted onto her face and refused to budge. “You and your books!”

(F/N) shot Lily a cheeky grin before losing herself once more in the many book displays. Lily shrugged her shoulders, as if in resignation, before going after (F/N) and perusing the books with her. They stayed for a good quarter of an hour, although most of those fifteen minutes were spent by Lily trying to stop (F/N) from reading entire tomes there and then.

“Come on, you’ve got a lifetime to read … You won’t die tomorrow without having read all of these, don’t worry …!” Lily said, as she pulled on (F/N)’s arm with a little more urgency than before. “Which one have you got there, anyway? _Another_ book on magical creatures?”

(F/N) laughed quietly, mostly to herself. She’d been just as surprised as Lily to find that there was another bestiary written for the attention of the magical population, aside from _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them,_ and _The Monster Book of Monsters_ that she’d also heard about but had yet to lay eyes on. This one was quite different to their set book, with a rich leather cover dyed midnight blue, and the ornate lettering on the front was debossed in silver. A small, but nevertheless exquisite, depiction of a dragon adorned the space beneath the title and was also debossed. The tail of the creature wove across the front cover and reached around to the back, and the silver flames it breathed licked the spine. The pages were slightly set back from the cover, protected by it like the battlements of a castle and, although they were crisp and white themselves, the edges of the pages were silver gilt.

(F/N) held it reverently in both hands; the more she inspected the book the deeper in love she fell. She was brought back into the world by Lily nudging her again.

“Are you gonna buy it or stare at it forever?” she giggled.

“Oh, I’m definitely buying it,” said (F/N) decisively, stacking it on top of the schoolbook she had yet to purchase. “Seen anything you like?”

Lily smiled. “There are a few books I like the look of, but they’re on subjects we won’t cover until next year at the earliest. I doubt I’ll fully understand them if I try reading them now,”

(F/N) was about to open her mouth to protest, to say that she had picked up some of her parents’ old schoolbooks long before she’d received her acceptance letter, when suddenly the air around them stilled and the otherwise warm and inviting bookshop became very cold and the atmosphere almost charged, in a sense. Lily and (F/N) peered out from behind a stack of books sitting atop a nearby table to see who had entered the shop and caused such a silent disturbance.

Neither of the girls were surprised by who they saw, but they were slightly taken aback by his appearance. Lucius Malfoy, one of the Slytherin Prefects, strode everywhere as if he owned the ground he walked on and Flourish and Blotts was no exception, it seemed. He was handsome, well-dressed and immaculately groomed; (F/N) and Lily often heard girls of all years and from every house swooning over him. He had long, white-blond hair, swept back over his shoulders, and his piercing grey eyes cut through the room for whatever it was he was searching for. At his side was one of the Slytherin boys in his year who could usually be seen marching importantly about the castle in Malfoy’s wake.

Handsome though he was, (F/N) thought he was an unmistakably dark and shadowy character. She was reluctant to let him see her and Lily, knowing how he was notoriously anti-Gryffindor; his was the wrong sort of attention to attract when they were mere second-years and he a seventh.

“I can see why people are afraid of him …” Lily whispered to (F/N), eyeing Malfoy nervously. “Does he scare you?”

“No,” said (F/N) without thinking. It was true, though. He _didn’t_ scare her. “He’s formidable, yes, but not scary,”

Lily eyed (F/N) curiously. “I admire your bravery. He frightens the wits out of me … I don’t want him to see us …”

“Then we’ll stay here until he goes,” said (F/N) reassuringly, reaching out and squeezing Lily’s hand gently. “I don’t really want him to see us either …”

Over the course of her first year at Hogwarts, (F/N) couldn’t help noticing a lot of the inter-house politics at school and, looking at Malfoy, her mind suddenly forced her to reflect on all of her observations so far. The biggest and probably most disturbing thing she’d noticed was the almost vicious rivalry between Gryffindor and Slytherin. Apart from Nolan and her disciples, (F/N) didn’t personally have any problem with Slytherin and wished things could be more amicable between the two houses. She was friends with Severus after all, and so was Lily, and they were both Gryffindors so she didn’t quite see where the animosity came from with the rest of their house and Slytherin.

There was also the fact that certain people – the Marauders, chiefly – had already made a reputation for themselves and all three other houses knew it. (F/N) cringed to think that even Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff would have a tainted view of Gryffindor by now because of their antics, and those of a few other individuals …

(F/N) wouldn’t ever be mistaken for someone who wasn’t _proud_ to be a Gryffindor, but she did long for them to be a little more well-rounded as the Hufflepuffs were, or calm like the Ravenclaws. As far as she could tell, neither of those houses had rivalries with anyone.

She considered the possibility that the rivalry between Slytherin and Gryffindor had been bred over centuries, stemming from Godric Gryffindor and Salazar Slytherin’s falling-out so long ago. It was definitely possible that Malfoy would pick a centuries-old rivalry as the basis for his apparent hatred of Gryffindor and all of the house’s students. Regardless of that, she thought, as she continued to watch Malfoy from her hiding place behind the books, the Sorting Hat had struggled to decide where to place _her_ at least, so maybe it was her destiny to eventually get along with everyone, or at least emulate the qualities every house held in high esteem. That certainly wouldn’t be a bad thing …

“You’ve been staring for ages … Should we move yet?” Lily hissed from beside her, fixing her with anxious green eyes. “What were you thinking about?”

Feeling so compelled by her own thoughts, (F/N) couldn’t help telling Lily there and then what was on her mind.

“Like, why do our houses hate each other so much? I mean, sure – not _every_ Gryffindor hates Slytherins and not _every_ Slytherin must hate Gryffindors, but … There’s always that underlying … something,”

Lily nodded along with (F/N), seemingly agreeing with what she was saying. “I suppose that was triggered by seeing Rapunzel over there?”

(F/N) almost choked herself as she snorted – hard – with laughter. She quickly buried her face in the crook of her elbow so that she could cough and laugh as quietly and ladylike as possible.

“It’s not like you to call people names, Lil,” she wheezed.

Lily smirked. “Have you heard some of the names he comes out with for us?”

(F/N) glanced at her. “But that’s exactly the sort of thing I was talking about … Anyway,” she said, resigning herself to the fact that she was possibly the only student at Hogwarts (at the moment, anyway) who had given this any thought. “Here and now probably isn’t the time or place to be discussing schoolyard politics … I wish he’d hurry up already,”

Malfoy was still consuming the shopkeeper’s time by continuing to engage him in conversation, asking questions and droning on about things neither of the hiding girls could hear at their distance. Eventually, Malfoy picked up the book the shopkeeper had placed down on the desk for him and sauntered out with his proud-looking … associate, (F/N) supposed Malfoy would call him.

She and Lily emerged from behind the towers and shelves of books and went to the front desk. The shopkeeper seemed relieved to see two _normal_ students standing before him, rather than someone who would obviously prefer to interrogate him about whatever it was he was enquiring about.

“How was your first year at Hogwarts?” asked the man kindly as Lily paid for her textbook.

“It was very good, thanks,” she said earnestly. “We learned a lot, and got good marks on our tests at the end of the year,”

(F/N) had all but forgotten about her exam results. She wasn’t quite sure how, given the amount of study and preparation that had gone into them. Auntie Beth had been very pleased when she’d told her she’d achieved top marks, and so was she. She had actually expected to get lower marks than she did, so her elation was monumental when she looked at the parchment with her results.

“That’s good! I’m glad to hear it,” said the shopkeeper, placing Lily’s new book in a bag for her. “Here you are, dear,” He handed it over the next moment, and Lily stepped back, beaming.

“Thank you,” she said sweetly, as (F/N) went to pay for her books too.

“Ah, so you’ve an interest in fantastical creatures, have you?” said the shopkeeper curiously, removing the label from the deep blue book. “I’ve heard this one is very useful for cross-referencing,”

(F/N) smiled. “Yes,” she said, before elaborating. “I’ve been fascinated by the subject for a while now, whether it’s magical creatures or those in the Muggle world,”

“So, do you think you’ll be taking Care of Magical Creatures next year, dear?”

“I think I will, yes,” (F/N) replied with a large grin on her face. The shopkeeper smiled back and removed the label from (F/N)’s copy of the second-year spell book, too. She paid up and thanked the man, before heading back out into the bright sunshine with Lily.

“So, is that why you read so much on magical creatures?” she asked, glancing down at the book bag (F/N) carried. She also noted the extremely satisfied smile on her friend’s face. “Because you want to take it further next year, I mean,”

“Well, there is that, and the fact that Eddie always drags me out into the back of beyond at home and tries to get me to call the wildlife to us, so that he can say he’s seen all of these different animals,” (F/N) chuckled. “I just want to know more about creatures in general … and see if I can find out anything about humans and animals really _, actually_ understanding each other,”

“Oh, you don’t mean like … when a dog begs, that means he wants a treat – that sort of thing? So can you _talk_ to animals, then?” Lily asked, her eyes widening in wonder.

“I don’t really know, that’s the thing …” (F/N) said honestly. “I mean, Cicero seems to know what I’m on about, most of the time. And when I look at him … I just _know_ what he’s thinking, if that makes sense …”

Lily grinned broadly. “That’s amazing … You know, if you really _can_ communicate with animals. If you manage to perfect it, can you teach me?”

(F/N) laughed along and couldn’t help thinking how very similar she sounded to Eddie right now. “Of course!” she said, eyes twinkling. Once again, her mind wandered to what it would be like to be a teacher. She was liking the idea more and more.

They meandered through the groups of people milling in and around the various shops, gathering everything they would need for the year ahead. When they were finished, they decided very quickly that it was time for some ice-cream and a sit-down. They grabbed a table outside, and (F/N) asked what Lily wanted because she was going to be the one to go in and order.

“Why don’t I come with you?” said Lily suddenly.

“We might lose our table …” replied (F/N). “It’s okay, no one out here will eat you,”

Lily snorted with laughter. “As if I was afraid of that!”

(F/N) smirked at her friend. “Well, I don’t think Malfoy’s about anymore either, so you won’t have to worry about him stumbling across us,” she said. “Anyway, he’s probably too ‘refined’ for ice-cream,”

Both girls laughed and (F/N) went inside to place their orders. She came back a few minutes later with their treats and they sat down to enjoy them and have a proper chat, uninterrupted by shopping. They talked about everything, and (F/N) listened to Lily’s gripes about her sister, particularly how she’d loudly disapproved of her demonstrations of some of the magic she’d learned over the last year.

(F/N) gasped. “You were doing magic outside of school?”

Lily blushed. “I know, I shouldn’t have … I didn’t hear anything from the Ministry, though,”

“Lil, you surprise me …” (F/N) said with a light chuckle. “Breaking the rules like that … Breaking the _law_ …”

“I know, I _know_ …” said Lily quietly, holding up her hands as though in surrender. “Please don’t tell anyone,”

(F/N) looked hurt for a fleeting moment but the expression soon passed. “You know I wouldn’t do that,”

“Sorry …” said Lily quietly, noticing the slight offence her comment had caused. “I just didn’t know what your stance was on that …”

(F/N) smiled, taking a bite of her sundae. “My _stance_ is that I don’t think anyone else would have got away with it,” she said. “Just you,”

Lily smiled a little at that. “Really? I think you could, too,”

“Nah, that’d be tempting fate,” said (F/N) slyly. “I’d try, but … I’d definitely be one to get caught,”

The afternoon wore on as the people passed them by. Eventually, they realised what the time was and thought it best to head back.

“Did you come down by yourself today?!” asked (F/N) urgently, as they made their way back to the busy streets of London.

“Oh gosh, no!” said Lily with a giggle. “No, my dad came with me, decided to have a look around the city while I did what I had to do,”

“He was happy for you to come here and meet me on your own?”

“Your aunt did the same for you, didn’t she?”

(F/N) shrugged and smiled. She supposed it was true. Both girls learned that both of their families would be waiting for them back at the train station, so they made haste through the hot and still-busy streets of London to make it back for the prearranged time.

“Well …” said Lily reluctantly, as she stood at the junction between the corridor to her platform and (F/N)’s. “I guess I’ll see you in September!”

“I’m looking forward to it!” said (F/N), holding out her arms for a hug which Lily very willingly accepted. “Thank you for coming to meet me today,”

“No, thank _you_!” said Lily breezily, giving her friend an extra squeeze. “You must write to me again before we go back, though,”

(F/N) agreed to Lily’s terms and, with one last wave and cheery smile, Lily departed for her train. (F/N) wondered if her aunt would already be where she said, and so made her way to her own platform.

When she got there, she saw that her aunt was indeed waiting for her, sitting on a bench with Eddie and his mother. She turned as her niece came closer and gave her the biggest smile.

“Hello, dear!” she greeted her brightly. “How was your day?”

“It was lovely, thanks! Got everything I need, and it was nice to see Lily again,” (F/N) replied, sitting down next to her aunt and placing her shopping bags at her feet. “How was yours?”

“We had a good time,” said Auntie Beth, casting a sideward smile at Eddie who sat between her and his mother. “Got a few things ourselves,”

Eddie quickly looked around Auntie Beth and grinned widely at (F/N). “What sort of things did you get?” he asked excitedly.

(F/N) gave him a very serious look of warning, given how close his mother was sitting, and said simply, “Just a couple of new books and some school supplies. Nothing too interesting,” She added a smile for him at the end, as soon as she knew he got the message.

“Me too,” he said. “School stuff’s never that cool, is it?”

(F/N) wanted to laugh at his comment but stifled herself. Bless him, she thought; he was at least _trying_ to be discreet.

The train pulled into station not five minutes later, and (F/N) followed her aunt into a carriage with the feeling that she was more than ready to head home now. For someone who had grown up in the countryside, the city truly was an exhausting place to be. Despite Eddie’s occasional chatter, (F/N) found herself drifting off once more to the steady clatter of the train and the gentle light of the late afternoon sun warming her face as it flooded through the windows.

The dreams she had on the way home were filled with thoughts of school and the year ahead, and generally all things magical. She imagined that the train she was on now was the Hogwarts Express, pulled by the familiar scarlet engine, and the carriages filled with the faces of likeminded people. She couldn’t help thinking, even in her dreams, that it felt very strange to be part of two very different worlds …

***

On the first of September, (F/N) found herself the first one sitting in a carriage on the Hogwarts Express, fully dressed in her uniform, and absolutely itching to get back to school. She’d had a very enjoyable summer with her aunt, and Eddie, but now the time had come for her to return to the place where she could finally practice her magic again.

By the time Lily and Severus came along, (F/N) had nearly finished the book she’d bought at Flourish and Blotts for the second time. She quickly put it away when they arrived, but Lily had already seen and chuckled as she sat down.

“Hello, you. What’s that, your fifth time reading that book?” she said with a great deal of amusement in her voice.

“Hi! Second, actually,” (F/N) laughed back. “Good summer, you two?”

Severus also sat down opposite (F/N) and shrugged his shoulders, which (F/N) supposed was meant to indicate that his summer had been so-so. She wouldn’t ever mention it to him first, but Lily had said to her once upon a time that his family wasn’t particularly ‘close-knit’ … especially Severus and his father. She hadn’t said any more than that, though.

“Well, you know about mine!” Lily laughed, adjusting her robe slightly. “Excited for the new term?”

(F/N) smirked. “You know me,” she said. “Something’s in the air, though,”

“What do you mean?”

“Well … You know how it feels when a storm’s coming? Kind of like that, but it feels like something’s going to happen this year,”

Lily raised an eyebrow but smiled all the same. “You say such mysterious things sometimes,” she said. “Have you thought about what subjects you’ll take next year?”

“Um … not yet, to be honest … Why do you ask? That was quite a sudden question …” (F/N) replied, giving her a curious look. Lily just smiled.

“You might want to look into Divination if you feel that way,” she said. “Sounds like a premonition,”

(F/N) laughed quietly, although mostly to herself. Auntie Beth once told her that her mother had been deeply interested in Divination and was considered to be quite talented in the subject. Apparently, she’d never told a fortune that didn’t come true, and (F/N) wondered if it was her aunt’s memory of her sister that made her so interested in the subject herself. She supposed that she hadn’t ever had any reason to believe that she was any good at it herself, however.

“Well, you never know,” said Lily optimistically. “Let’s wait and see whether anything happens this year. Is it a good or a bad feeling?”

The look on (F/N)’s face said it all as it fell. “It’s … an unsettling one,”

It was Lily’s turn to look a little apprehensive. “Well, on the plus side, if whatever this is comes true, we can say you’ll probably do well in Divination if you take it next year,” she said. “If it doesn’t then the good thing is that nothing bad happened!”

(F/N) couldn’t help agreeing. Severus, who simply listened to the entire exchange, couldn’t help thinking that even in the aftermath of a reasonably dark conversation, (F/N)’s smile was a very gentle and serene one.

“I suppose you’re right,” said (F/N), turning her attention to the window. While they were talking, the train had begun its long journey north without them taking any notice. The sky was overcast but the day itself was rather mild, yet everyone knew it wouldn’t stay that way for long; the autumn seemed to take its leave much quicker in the north than in the south, and winter always seemed to last much longer.

The journey was almost an exact repeat of their very first, except there was more talk of their summers and much more knowledgeable conversation about magic in general. The lady with the sweets trolley came by about an hour into the trip, and this time it was Lily who bought treats for everyone (as a way of making up for the fact that she wasn’t able to do so at any point last year, she said). (F/N) had protested quite adamantly, but in the end it was Lily’s insistences that won out.

A couple more hours rushed by, and a few students they knew passed their carriage. Gryffindor Mary McDonald smiled and gave (F/N) and Lily a wave as she went by, having made friends with them during Herbology last year. Then, Cathy Huxley and Julie Glass, two of the girls Lily and (F/N) shared a dormitory with, walked along the train together and gave twin, cheery waves too.

“Are those two ever _not_ together?” Lily asked. “I mean, have you ever seen them apart?”

(F/N) shook her head, remaining quiet as she noticed Severus nodding to a couple of boys who also passed their compartment. They were two Slytherins in their year: Avery and Mulciber. She had seen Severus sitting with them on several occasions in the Great Hall and wondered if they might also share a dormitory.

As (F/N) was puzzling over where her other roommate Evelyn might be, there was suddenly a great pandemonium a few carriages away that even they could hear, with their compartment door closed. The three friends glanced at each other in turn, and each held in their eyes a slightly different emotion: Lily’s was dread; Severus’ was apprehension; and (F/N)’s was something that the others could only describe as a sort of withering look, implying she wasn’t in the mood to deal with either of the two groups who could have caused all that noise.

“Oh, jeez … I don’t know which gang I’d prefer to see right now …” said Lily nervously.

“With any luck it’ll be both of them, and they’ll hex each other into oblivion before they can get to us,” said (F/N) darkly. She really wanted whoever it was to turn around and go back the way they came. Soon enough, though, they learned exactly who was doing the troublemaking because they sauntered straight past … only to retrace their steps two seconds later, and fling the door wide for better taunting.

Black and Potter, flanked by Lupin and Pettigrew, stood at the door and did their best to tower over the three friends. (F/N) noticed that they’d each grown a couple of inches over the summer, but it still wasn’t enough to be intimidating. Least intimidating of all was Pettigrew who was still shorter than his friends, and Lupin seemed to be taking more of a backbench this time.

“Afternoon, all,” said Black smugly. Trying to get a rise out of them by greeting them ‘properly’, (F/N) thought.

“Good afternoon,” she replied curtly. She did not intend to continue the conversation; her tone was meant to indicate that they should jolly well get lost.

“Hmph. Well, at least Castor’s polite enough to greet you back, Sirius,” sneered Potter, his gaze falling on (F/N)’s friends. The look he gave them was harsh enough to feel – rough, like sandpaper.

Like (F/N) with Lily and Severus, the four boys standing before them had found each other very early in their first year. It was very lucky for them, perhaps, but extremely unlucky for the majority of their peers. Even now, (F/N) couldn’t fathom (and hadn’t pried into) the reasons behind the Marauder’s hatred of Severus but she and Lily had definitely appeared on their radar after last year’s ‘fun and games’. She was under no illusions that they would see more of the same this year.

“Anyway, can we help you with something?” (F/N) said shortly, making her impatience clear. She didn’t want to give them a chance to start on her friends, after all.

“Hm … Now that you mention it …” Black crooned, feigning a genuinely thoughtful expression as he did so.

God, (F/N) thought, she wished she hadn’t asked and just cut straight to telling them to clear off.

“Don’t think too hard,” she growled, fully taking the lead as the group’s defender. She didn’t blame Lily and Severus for wanting to keep their noses clean before they’d even set foot back at Hogwarts. As Black dithered intentionally, she had time to consider the possibility that her friends weren’t even in the school mindset yet, and therefore unwilling to invite war into their lives so early in the year.

“Ah, there it is …” said Black as Potter sniggered. “The sarcasm we’ve missed so much,”

(F/N) remained resolute, her eyes narrowing dangerously at the intruders. Seeing that she wasn’t going to retaliate further, Black released her from the arrogant and antagonistic look he’d fixed her with and shrugged.

“Anyway, I can’t remember why we’re here. You three are no fun … yet,”

(F/N) dreaded to think about what that could mean. It _probably_ meant that they were going to go away and devise some new methods of getting under their skin to try out over the next few months. She was amazed that they didn’t have a stockpile of pranks ready to go.

Black ushered Potter out of the compartment, who couldn’t resist shooting them (especially Lily, (F/N) noted) with what he probably meant to be a vaguely calculating look that promised all sorts of trouble, but mainly just looked stupid. Potter and Black swaggered off up the train without another word to them, leaving the door wide open. Pettigrew scurried after them straight away, but Lupin followed just a tad slower – slowly enough for (F/N) to notice that the last person he looked at was her.

She growled in irritation after all four Gryffindors had left them in peace, irked that they had left the door open. Then again, she supposed, she expected no less of them.

“Barbarians …” she muttered, closing the door herself.

“Well, that could have gone worse,” said Lily. “I wonder how they’re going to be this year …”

“Cockier than ever, if I had to guess,” tutted (F/N), folding her arms across her chest and leaning back into her seat. “If that’s what they’re going to be like, I don’t really want to consider the possibilities for Nolan’s group,”

Lily grimaced a little and agreed. “Although, you did a really good job of stopping them from saying anything to me or Sev just then. Maybe if we all stick together again this year, we can do the same to Nolan?”

(F/N) snorted incredulously, but she appreciated the sentiment. “Oh, there’s no shutting her up. I’m pretty sure her mouth moves before her brain even knows what to make it say,”

Lily giggled at the thought of Nolan being completely and utterly witless – because she was. Even Severus smirked.

“Best not let her hear you say that,” Lily whispered. “She could be anywhere,”

“Now _there’s_ an unwelcome thought,” said (F/N) drily. She was in no way bored of Lily’s conversation but wished it would swing away from the subject of the one and only person she sorely wished to be swallowed whole by a dragon. “Imagine her rocking up to the Gryffindor common room one day, just because she could. If someone let her, of course,”

Again, Lily found herself chuckling at (F/N)’s scathing tone and unfriendly remarks about Nolan. She supposed it was high time that her friend peppered their discussions about their classmates with a few choice insults directed at Nolan, who had bullied her relentlessly over the last year. She had been quite reserved insofar as issuing any harshly negative opinions.

“Well,” said (F/N), with a nonchalant shrug. “Chances are good that no Gryffindor today or in five years’ time will like Nolan enough to let her within thirty yards of our common room,”

She happened to glance away from the window at that moment and saw Severus’ smirk broaden a little. He averted his gaze very quickly.

“You’re very … sharp, all of a sudden,” said Lily, still grinning like a lunatic. “What happened to soft (F/N)?”

(F/N) snorted with laughter, producing a most unladylike sound. She covered her mouth and nose with her hand in an attempt to display at least a modicum of feminine dignity, but the noise only served to make Lily laugh harder. Severus didn’t appear to have noticed, but (F/N) knew better.

“When was I ever ‘soft’?” said (F/N) with a short laugh, but her (E/C) eyes twinkled with amusement. “Besides, I prefer the term ‘sarcastic’ or …”

“Or?”

(F/N) glanced at Lily and gave a self-deprecating smile. “I was going to say ‘caustic’, but I’m not _that_ bad and it’s not a word that people our age use anyway. I don’t want to give Nolan _another_ reason to jinx my robes snot-green,”

“Yeah, that wasn’t good …” said Lily, remembering the time (F/N) was referring to. “Still, I like your wordiness. How do you manage it?”

(F/N) looked back out of the window with the same, slightly embarrassed smile lingering on her lips. “Guess,”

“Reading?”

(F/N) nodded and her smile widened. “You know me _so_ well,”

The rest of the journey was blissfully uneventful; the three friends saw neither hide nor hair of Nolan, and the Marauders didn’t show their faces again. Arriving at Hogwarts was a blur, though, because the second-years were swept along with the rest of the school. (F/N) spotted, when she had a chance to look back, all of the nervous first-years being ushered away to the boats on the lake by the gargantuan Hagrid.

“He isn’t nearly as terrifying now, is he?” she said to Lily as they made their way with the other students up to the castle.

“Who, Hagrid?”

(F/N) gave her a look as if to say that it should have been obvious who she was talking about.

“No, he’s not scary at all,” she said at length, trying to shrug off her previous, very obvious comment. “Oh, it looks like we need to go over there …” she went on, pointing at where several of their schoolmates had assembled.

There was a large congregation of students gathered around a convoy of several carriages, enough to take most, if not all of them, to the castle. The carriages were dark in appearance and drawn by absolutely nothing. (F/N) couldn’t help feeling as though she was missing something that she just couldn’t put her finger on and resolved to try to work it out one day. As she, Lily and Severus waited in line to board a carriage, they were suddenly approached by someone they hadn’t expected.

“Hi …” said Edith Bradshaw, _very_ anxiously. Her dark hair was pushed back with a white Alice band that stood out starkly but also seemed to match her skin all at once. “Um … can I ride up to the castle with you three? There’s no room with anyone else …”

Lily seemed taken aback, given how Edith was friends with Nolan. Granted, she’d never said a bad word to or in front of Lily and (F/N) (Severus seemed more or less immune to the criticisms of that group), but Lily just couldn’t be sure that Edith wouldn’t go back to Nolan and gab to her about anything they’d said in the carriage. For this reason she remained silent but was almost shocked into uttering a squeak by (F/N)’s reply.

“Of course you can,” she said with a small smile. Clearly, thought Lily, (F/N) saw something in Edith that she didn’t. “Did you have a nice summer?”

Edith’s nervous face broke to allow a much cheerier smile to shine through. “Yes, thank you. We spent most of it in Cornwall,”

They spent the brief ride up to Hogwarts talking about their holidays, with (F/N) expressing envy for Edith being able to spend most of hers at the seaside and for Lily and Severus because they got to talk about magic whenever they met up. The others (including Severus, although he never voiced it) were deeply jealous of (F/N)’s summer, though (indeed, of her life out on the moors) for the freedom it provided.

“I can just imagine roaming freely out there …” sighed Lily whimsically. “I’ve seen pictures in books, and sometimes places like that are on the television, in the programmes my dad likes to watch. It must be so beautiful …”

(F/N) smiled proudly. “Well, I’ll ask my aunt if I can have you to stay sometime,” she said without hesitation. Lily cheered a little, clapping her hands together.

“That would be wonderful!” she replied, her green eyes glittering happily.

The carriage came to a halt a few seconds later, and Edith was the first to jump out. (F/N) didn’t need to hear the reason why, but Edith told her anyway. “I’m so sorry … If Patty sees who I came up with, I’ll never hear the end of it. Thank you for having me along,”

“You’re welcome, Edith, and it’s okay. You don’t have to explain,” said (F/N), seeing her off with a smile. She was glad that at least _one_ of Nolan’s crew didn’t have a pathological hatred of her.

“That was nice of you,” said Lily as they made their way up to the Entrance Hall. Severus still hadn’t said a word.

“What was? Letting Edith come with us?”

“Yeah,”

“Well, I’m not a monster – none of us are – and neither is she. She might be friends with Nolan, but she’s not like her. I can tell,”

Lily nodded and said quietly, “Just be careful. I don’t want to hear that she’s stabbed you in the back because I don’t know how I’ll react,”

(F/N) smirked. “Wouldn’t want to ruin your currently-perfect track record, would we, Lil?” she teased.

“Oh, come on, you know what I mean. I’ll go spare,” Lily said, grinning straight back.

At the doors to the Great Hall, Severus separated from Lily and (F/N) with a brief “See you later,” and went to join the Slytherins. The girls smiled and waved and were then absorbed by the Gryffindors standing nearby. It seemed that everyone was queuing in House groups to enter the hall ready for the Sorting of the new first-years and the subsequent feast. (F/N) glanced over her shoulder and saw that Severus had joined Avery and Mulciber, who had waved him over. When she turned back, she was seized by the conversation that Lily was now having with Evelyn, Julie and Cathy who had, it seemed, popped up from nowhere at all.

(F/N) couldn’t believe it had been a year since she’d stood terrified at the front of the Great Hall, seemingly rejected by the Sorting Hat as it couldn’t decide which House to place her in. She supposed it had all worked out all right in the end, though. Despite the Sorting Hat telling her that she would have done well in any of the Houses, she had done her best to prove herself worthy of Gryffindor.

Once everyone had been admitted to the Great Hall and found seats that suited them, they all looked to the doors as the terror-stricken first-years were led in a perfectly uniform line to the very front of the hall by Professor McGonagall, just like last September.

The Sorting this year was far less eventful than the last. (F/N) was glad; she didn’t want any poor, unsuspecting first-years to go through the embarrassment and uncertainty of being a Hatstall. She and Pettigrew had both been one, and she’d heard later on that McGonagall herself had, too. Neither of them, (F/N) was willing to bet, had forced the hat to take a break to deliberate further. She’d been so ashamed at the time …

When all of the first-years were happily seated with their new housemates and the applause had died down, Professor Dumbledore rose from his seat in the centre of the head table and gave another barmy speech. A low rumble of hesitant laughter rolled throughout the hall, but everyone clapped for the Headmaster regardless. This year, there were only the usual warnings about the Forbidden Forest and a few other bits and bobs that the students would be unwise to meddle with (mostly new additions to the Herbology greenhouses that Professor Sprout didn’t want them to touch unless they were sixth-year or above). Then, the golden platters in front of them filled with food as before and the Great Hall erupted with the sounds of eager feasting.

“Sounds like we did a good job of not overstuffing ourselves last year!” (F/N) laughed to Lily, as she piled potatoes onto her plate.

“Well, I know the same can’t be said for _everyone_ …” Lily said, ladling some stew into a bowl.

(F/N) laughed again, remembering how Hufflepuffs Cyril Partridge and Davey Gudgeon had, in fact, gone overboard with their puddings despite Dumbledore’s warnings. Hopefully they wouldn’t do it again this year but, if they were anything like Eddie, (F/N) knew they’d never learn when it came to food.

Mercifully, the Marauders were sitting at least ten people away from the girls and so they were permitted to enjoy a very merry first meal back at school. Julie and Cathy sat opposite (F/N), Lily and Evelyn, and next to a girl they’d never had much opportunity to speak to before whose name was Sylvie Winstanley.

From time to time, (F/N) would look down the table to see how the first-years were getting on. The new Gryffindors seemed much happier now that they were sitting where they belonged, and that the ordeal that was the Sorting was safely out of the way. (F/N) was glad that it was all behind her, too.

When the feast was over and everyone was quite full, the students sluggishly began filtering out of the Great Hall and off to their dormitories. As (F/N) walked with Lily and their other roommates, she couldn’t help gazing all around her at the stone corridors that hadn’t changed – not even once – in the year she’d attended Hogwarts so far. They felt like home to her and, although very draughty, they were as welcoming and protective as the walls of her home in Spindlewood Common.

The grounds beyond the school’s many windows were very dark, apart from the light of Hagrid’s hut at the edge of the Forest. The moon offered very little light, given that it hung in the sky as a mere sliver of a silver crescent against the endless black sky. (F/N) half-listened to her friends’ conversation as they made their way up the marble staircase, meandering towards Gryffindor Tower without any sense of urgency.

“Ooh, does anyone know the new password?” Julie asked suddenly, looking around at the others.

“No, but there are people standing by the Fat Lady anyway,” said Sylvie, pointing up the last few stairs at the small gathering. “They probably know what it is,”

The girls joined the small crowd and Cathy, who was the tallest of their group, stood on the tips of her toes to see what the hold-up was about. When she came back down, she sighed deeply and rolled her eyes.

“What’s up? What’s going on?” Evelyn asked nervously. “Don’t tell me we can’t go in …”

“The Fat Lady’s not in,” said Cathy resignedly. “Doesn’t make sense, though. _Other_ Gryffindors must have gone in already …”

(F/N) sighed quietly to herself, and when Lily glanced at her they both noticed that they were wearing the same expression: one of mild annoyance. Just as they were about to make themselves comfortable by either leaning or sitting on one of the bannisters, they heard what sounded like a positive development up ahead.

“I’m coming, I’m coming …!” called the Fat Lady, hurrying back to her previously empty portrait, looking very red in the face. “I just had to nip along and have a word with dearest Violet, you see …”

A boy from among the other group sighed very loudly, so loudly in fact that (F/N) heard him from where she and Lily stood at the back. He was clearly very exasperated, and the six second-year girls had already begun to share the sentiment.

“All right, all right! Goodness me, children these days have no patience at all!” huffed the lady. (F/N) heard the indignant rustling of silk, which told her that the Fat Lady had made some sort of sharp and sudden gesture to make her displeasure known. “Go on then, what’s the password?” she demanded shrilly, as if opening the common room was the most taxing thing she could ever be asked to do.

“Widdershins,” said the huffy boy.

The Fat Lady sighed crossly again, and her portrait swung open to reveal the tower entrance behind, waving them through as if she herself had no patience for this. (F/N) and her friends followed the group in front, climbing through the hole without a word to the Fat Lady for fear of provoking her further.

Inside the common room, the fireplace housed a roaring fire as it usually did, casting the place in a warm and inviting glow and offsetting its various splendid shades of red and gold. (F/N) had heard that the Hufflepuff common room and its dormitories had heated floors so that no one would ever have cold feet, and thought a feature like that might be the only thing that could make their room even cosier.

As Julie, Cathy and Evelyn decided to stay up a bit longer, Lily and (F/N) pulled on their pyjamas and climbed into their beds ready for sleep after their long day of travelling. The first thing that (F/N) did when she was sitting comfortably beneath the duvet was summon a book to her from her trunk – her first opportunity to properly attempt the spell she’d read about over the summer. Lily stared at her in both amazement and bewilderment.

“How come you can do the Summoning Charm already?!” she gasped, drawing the attention of the others.

(F/N) smiled shyly and shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know … I’ve just been reading about it over the holidays … found it in one of my mum’s old schoolbooks. I thought that, because I’d been over it nine or ten times, memorised the incantation, practised the wrist movement and so on, that I might be able to do it,”

Lily was still staring at her with her mouth slightly agape. (F/N) returned to her book with a slightly pink hue in her cheeks and shrugged again as a way of saying “it’s no big deal”.

“Honestly, I wasn’t expecting it to work the first time. Professor Flitwick won’t teach it to us until fourth year,”

“You _have_ to teach me!” gushed Lily, and when (F/N) looked back to her she saw that she looked ready to pounce onto her bed and take lessons there and then. (F/N) grinned.

“Okay, but … later, yeah? I think we’re all too tired right now,” she said with a chuckle. Lily smiled too, knowing that she was right.

“Sure, but I’m holding you to it!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this didn’t bore you too much. Congratulations if you read all of that and made it to the end (and thank you for sticking with me!).


	15. Chapter 15

The year got off to an extremely good start. (F/N) and her friends were still a full year away from being able to select their O.W.L subjects, so there was nothing to speak of in terms of a whole new subject, but the topics they covered in their core classes were fascinating. This was, of course, with the exception of History of Magic; Professor Binns would have needed to inject some serious verve into his usual droning lectures about conventions and treaties and the like, in order for his students to start to consider what he was saying to be even mildly interesting.

In their spare time, between the vast amounts of homework they’d already been given, (F/N) kept her word to Lily and had taken to teaching her how to use the Summoning Charm. Lily, who was skilled at Charms anyway, was a very enthusiastic student and (F/N), according to Lily, was a very good teacher.

“You’re very patient, and your explanations are easy to follow …” said Lily, pointing her wand at a book lying on the other side of the common room. It started to shake a little, almost as if it had an electrical current rushing through it, but it had not yet moved. (F/N) had pointed out, however, that Lily had managed to summon a quill not ten minutes earlier.

“Thanks, Lil. I’m glad to hear it,” said (F/N) with a smile.

“Ever considered becoming a professor?” Lily asked, narrowing her eyes at the stubborn book.

“I have, actually. I bet that as soon as a position becomes available it’s filled again, though. I’d need to get my foot in the door really early,”

“Well,” said Lily, concentrating harder. (F/N) looked at her and saw a very tiny vein rippling in her temple. “They talk to us about career stuff when we’re a bit higher up the school anyway, don’t they? You could ask about it then, and maybe the professors will be able to tell you which path to take …”

(F/N) nodded in agreement but said no more, for fear of disrupting Lily’s focus. When it seemed as though her face was beginning to redden, (F/N) gently placed a hand on Lily’s outstretched arm and gave her an equally gentle smile. “Don’t push yourself too hard. Forcing the issue won’t help,”

Lily nodded, took a deep breath, and raised her wand again. The book continued to vibrate where it sat but still refused to move. Lily sighed and lowered her hand.

“I guess there’s always later, hm? At least I have the theory memorised,” she said. “Let’s go and get some lunch,”

(F/N) readily agreed, suddenly realising how hungry she was. “Don’t let it trouble you, okay?” she said as they made their way to the hall. “You’ll get the hang of it in no time; you’ve been pushing yourself all morning so I wouldn’t be surprised if you’ve just tired yourself out,”

Lily thought that (F/N) was probably right. She’d been up very early, even earlier than she was during the week, and had been practising diligently with all of the information (F/N) had already given her. As she’d said, she’d already memorised and understood the theory behind the charm, but now it all boiled down to actually doing it.

As the girls descended the marble staircase, they spotted Severus walking past the bottom stair towards the Great Hall, with Avery and Mulciber and a couple of other boys (F/N) was sure she knew the names of but couldn’t quite recall. Severus happened to glance up at that very moment and his dark eyes flicked between (F/N) and Lily as though he was surprised to see them. He stopped abruptly, causing his other friends to wonder what he was doing, before giving them a polite nod and telling them he’d catch up later. The other Slytherins went away to lunch, a few muttering something that neither of the Gryffindors could quite discern.

“Hi, Sev,” said Lily cheerfully as they reached the bottom step.

“Hi,” he said, the very faintest of smiles ghosting across his face. “Hi, (F/N),”

“Hey, how’re you doing?” she replied, grinning at him. She had grown used to his ways over the last year and felt more comfortable with exhibiting the bubblier side of her personality around him – that was to say, she didn’t think he would rebuke her for being a bit more exuberant, now.

“Yeah, I’m … good. Thanks,” Severus replied awkwardly, not having expected her to ask, and glanced down at his shoes. They were the same ones he wore every day and were starting to look battered rather than just a little worn-out. “Coming?” he asked suddenly, clearly wanting to move on.

Lunchtimes were not as rigid as dinnertimes, and (F/N) had noticed on many occasions that people from every house liked to mingle. Therefore she, Lily and Severus seated themselves at the Hufflepuff table and minded their own business, talking quietly over their meals. They just hoped that the troublemakers they were constantly on the lookout for would mind their own businesses, too.

Unfortunately, although the three friends were permitted to enjoy an uneventful lunch together without even a hint of harassment, (F/N) couldn’t help coming away from the hall feeling suspicious. It had been quiet – too quiet – and she didn’t like it one bit. It just didn’t feel right but Lily, although in agreement with (F/N), pointed out that they should be making the most of the time the Bandits and Marauders weren’t bothering them.

After lunch, they wandered lazily to the spot on the grounds where they’d sat after their exams, relaxing on the beautiful day they were gifted. Today was also very pleasant, much windier than it was in the summer but still quite mild. The lake was much more vocal than before, stirred up by the stronger breeze. Severus sat down with his back against the tree again, while Lily and (F/N) found a flat patch of ground to sit on, side by side.

“Do you think I should try summoning one of the little stones over there?” Lily asked uncertainly.

“By all means,” said (F/N), smiling. “Heavier than a quill, but lighter than that book you were trying to get hold of earlier,”

Lily grinned. “Well, if I can do this then I can do the book, too,” she said.

(F/N) felt as though they were suddenly being watched and, as Lily took out her wand and attempted the Summoning Charm again, she turned around to see who was looking and locked eyes with a very curious-looking Severus.

“What are you doing?” he asked, in his usual quiet, silky tone. (F/N) and Lily hadn’t sat down very far from the tree, so they could hear him quite clearly.

“(F/N) cast the Summoning Charm in our dormitory the night we got back,” said Lily, before (F/N) had a chance to give Severus a much humbler explanation. “We’re not supposed to be learning it for a couple of years yet, I don’t think. I asked her to teach me,”

(F/N) turned back to the lake feeling a little embarrassed. She wondered what her other friend would think, being a capable young wizard himself. Knowing him, he’d probably also come across some text about the Summoning Charm and could probably do it as well.

Severus stood up and came to sit with the girls, settling next to Lily as she was nearer, closing his book in the process. He didn’t say anything.

Lily busied herself with trying the spell again. “ _Accio_ stone …” she kept saying, focusing on a medium-sized stone about twenty feet away. (F/N) could tell which one it was, because it was leaping about as though in a panic.

After a while, the stone Lily was summoning rolled forward slightly and she sighed. It wasn’t a complete success, as she’d hoped it would be. She dropped her wand in her lap.

“Sev, can _you_ do it?” she asked, a note of exasperation in her voice. She looked at him, sitting on her left, then glanced back down at her wand with a withering look that suggested the thing had somehow offended her.

Severus’ reply was rather delayed, considering the simplicity of the question. (F/N) realised he’d been thinking about it quite carefully. “Sort of,”

(F/N) knew it. Severus read just as much as she did, so she wasn’t surprised to hear that he had a certain grasp of the spell they were attempting. It was Lily who asked the question that suddenly came to (F/N)’s mind, though.

“What do you mean ‘sort of’?”

“I can do it, but it needs more practice,” he said minimally.

Lily looked a little downtrodden, but she raised her wand and began again in earnest. (F/N) watched as the stone Lily was concentrating on wobbled about, its resistance seemingly a conscious effort, but with a little more persuasion it jumped into the air and flew towards her. Lily caught it and the grin she wore was nothing less than triumphant.

“There you go,” said (F/N) with a broad smile of her own. “I told you you could do it,”

Lily turned her happy gaze on (F/N), green eyes glittering. “Thank you for helping me! You don’t suppose Flitwick will be annoyed that we jumped ahead?” she said.

(F/N) chuckled, gently waving away Lily’s concerns. “When has Flitwick ever been cross with anyone for doing a bit of extra learning? It just means he’ll have an easy time teaching us when we come to it,”

Lily’s cheerful smile returned, although it had never really faded. “I guess you’re right,”

Severus hadn’t said a word since answering Lily’s questions. (F/N) wondered what he was thinking about as he stared at the rippling grey waters of the lake.

“We can try summoning that book when we get back to the common room,” said (F/N) to Lily, to take her mind off Severus’ silence.

Lily looked ecstatic. “I can’t imagine I’ll ever need to summon anything heavier than that,”

Just as (F/N) opened her mouth to agree, she was suddenly stopped in her tracks by a familiar, haughty cackle of laughter. She could hear several people talking and knew only too well who those voices belonged to. She gave the other two a look that expressed her urgent desire to get out of there and they understood immediately. They grabbed their bags and skirted around the small hill that concealed them, making sure they kept their heads down and their feet light.

Nolan and her gang had almost found their hiding spot, and (F/N) breathed a sigh of relief when they were finally safe in the castle courtyard. This in itself was strange, because the courtyard was Nolan’s usual haunt.

“That was a bit too close,” said Lily apprehensively. “What if they keep going back there? We’ll have to find somewhere else …”

“Lil, it’s fine. This is a big castle, as I’m sure you’ve noticed …”

“But Black, Potter and the others prowl literally _everywhere_ else. If Nolan doesn’t find us then they will,” she protested.

(F/N) sighed. “I’m sure today was just a one-off. Don’t worry about it,”

“I’m worried about _you_ ,” said Lily crossly. “It’s you she’s got it in for. We just got caught in the clash, and now they’ve noticed us too,”

“And I feel terrible for it,” said (F/N) glumly.

“Hey, it’s not your fault! That wasn’t how I meant it …” Lily replied, approaching (F/N) and giving her a quick hug. “Anyway, like you said earlier, she hasn’t had a go at us yet. Maybe she got bored?”

(F/N) knew what Lily was trying to do and she appreciated it, despite knowing for a fact that Nolan most certainly had _not_ grown bored of pestering her. (F/N) chanced a quick peek at Severus out of the corner of her eye, to see what his reaction had been. He was apparently quite unflustered, his expression giving very little away.

They decided to stay in the courtyard after that, at least until the wind picked up so significantly that reading their books became a battle to keep the pages in place. With none of them being in the mood to heed Madam Pince’s constant warnings to be silent and adhere to her suffocating laws, they decided to avoid the library and go to their own common rooms instead.

“We’ll see you later, Sev,” said Lily with a smile. “After dinner?”

“Sure,” he said quietly. (F/N) noticed that his Slytherin friends were up ahead. She was glad he had other people in his own house to hang out with; she’d been worried throughout their first year that the only time he spent time in other people’s company was when he was with her and Lily, and they were, of course, in Gryffindor. She watched Severus leave, and she and Lily made their way back up the marble staircase towards Gryffindor Tower.

As soon as they were back in the common room, and had found a couple of seats, Lily looked at (F/N) with a very serious expression and said, “I can tell that Nolan and her friends bother you. Do you want to talk about it?”

(F/N) looked back at her, deeply surprised. She hadn’t realised that it showed so much. “There isn’t very much to say about it, really …” she said honestly. “I just … never expected to make an enemy for no reason,”

Lily smiled sympathetically. “You know, it’s the same wherever you go. There will nearly always be someone who’s got a problem with _something._ If you’re clever, they’ll taunt you; if you’re not, they’ll think they’re better than you. If you’re pretty, they’ll hate you; if you look like a troll, they’ll make sure you never hear the end of it. If you’ve got friends, you’re an attention-seeker; if you’re a loner, you’re weird. See where I’m going with this?”

“I guess so …?”

Lily’s smile widened. “You’re all of the good things, (F/N). Nolan doesn’t like you because you’re a threat to her, whether she’s admitted that to herself or not,”

(F/N) laughed. “I am _not_ a threat to Patty Nolan. You know how popular she is – the people who like her worship the ground she walks on,”

“Just because they do, doesn’t mean everyone else thinks so highly of her,” Lily pointed out. “Sev doesn’t like her, and I certainly don’t. You don’t like her. Evelyn, Julie and Cathy don’t like her. Sylvie said the other night that she wouldn’t spit on her if she was on fire ... Even Black’s gang hates her and her group!”

(F/N) couldn’t help smiling. The pep talk had definitely helped. She just didn’t know how she was going to deal with matters when they escalated again. She wouldn’t attack Nolan, even if she was asking for it; that was against school rules, and she was better than that. However, despite Nolan having resisted what must have been the sorest temptation to cast any number of irritating hexes on her, (F/N) had still noticed the bold and shameless sneering Nolan directed across the classrooms they shared.

With every incident that seemed to be leading to something worse, (F/N) felt something very small snapping inside her, like the painfully slow unravelling of a length of rope – something she hadn’t noticed last year.

“Thanks, Lil. I really appreciate the talk,” she said, desperate to steer the conversation away from her problems, now. “Hey, how about trying to summon that book from earlier?”

“You’re welcome! We’re friends, aren’t we? And that’s what friends do,” Lily said with another grin, although she’d failed to hide the twitch of her eyebrow that signalled to (F/N) that she knew she was deliberately changing the subject. “But yeah, good idea! Let’s try it,”

Lily took out her wand again and this time her spell was flawless; the book sailed obediently though the air towards her, dropping itself in her lap as asked. She beamed at (F/N), clearly very pleased with herself.

“And before you say it again, yes – I know you knew I could do it,”

***

It didn’t take long for Nolan to decide what she was really bored of, and that was apparently biding her time. If (F/N) was concerned that Nolan had been lying in wait, ready to pounce with some new prank she’d been devising since returning to school … she was wrong. (F/N) had given her far too much credit – as if Nolan would ever be creative enough to come up with a genuinely clever trick.

Nolan had started the week with a fairly bland set of jokes. Breakfast on Monday morning was marked by a near miss at the doors to the Great Hall, when a magically suspended bowl of frogspawn overbalanced as soon as (F/N) walked in. The gooey contents splattered across the flagstones, a few flecks landing on (F/N)’s shoes, but nothing more. (F/N) would not deign to even look at Nolan, to give her the satisfaction of being recognised as the one who had engineered the prank.

(F/N) drew her wand and sighed, standing aside to let other students enter the hall without stepping in the frogspawn. She wouldn’t look directly at them, but a few of the teachers sitting at the long table at the front of the hall were watching, wondering what in the world was going on. She could understand their alarm, especially when the metal bowl had fallen and caused such a din when it hit the hard floor. In fact, having most of the hall’s occupants turning to look at her was probably the more embarrassing thing that could have happened.

Lily, who had only been a few paces ahead of (F/N) when they came in, had turned on her heels immediately after the bowl landed and bounced away and had only been able to stare in dismay at what had happened. (F/N) said nothing, other than the incantation for the Scouring Charm which she had read about sometime last year. Lily watched as the mess on the floor cleaned itself up, leaving no trace whatsoever of the carnage from before.

Lily blinked at (F/N), her mind wandering once more to questions about how she knew so many spells already. She never asked (because she knew the answer) but walked silently with (F/N) to their usual spot at the Gryffindor table and sat down. Once there, (F/N) dared to glance at the teacher’s table and noticed that Professors McGonagall and Flitwick were watching her. McGonagall’s expression wasn’t nearly as stern as it usually was, and Flitwick was smiling; he nodded encouragingly at (F/N) when their eyes met.

“What was _that_ all about?” Lily whispered, observing what was going on in the room. Nolan was scowling at (F/N), (F/N) was ignoring her, and their Charms teacher and Head of House suddenly looked very pleased.

“I think they were pleased with my spell,” said (F/N), buttering a piece of toast. She passed Lily the pot of jam sitting nearby, knowing she would want some on her own toast.

“Thanks,” said Lily, taking the jam with a little smile. (F/N) knew her very well. “But I meant what was all that about – _in general_?”

“Nolan obviously doesn’t want to wait around anymore. So, let the games begin,” She took a bite of toast and glanced at Lily as though waiting for her to say something else.

Lily’s expression had turned to one of uneasiness. (F/N) was clearly bracing herself for whatever was coming to her, so Lily could only hope that things wouldn’t get too out-of-hand. Then again, she supposed, when _didn’t_ they at Hogwarts? Magic made it so that normal boundaries could often be pushed to their extremes …

The only other windup attempted by Nolan that day was just after breakfast, on their way to their first classes. It was as simple as shooting at (F/N) (and Lily) with a spell that sounded suspiciously like the Knee-Reversal Hex. The girls were fortunate it missed, but (F/N) couldn’t help commenting (sarcastically) that Nolan was brave to attempt that sort of spell right in front of the teachers.

The rest of their Monday and, indeed, all of their Tuesday was completely uneventful apart from the news that Nolan had been given an official warning _and_ deducted house points by Slughorn, who had been informed of the goings-on during Monday’s breakfast by McGonagall. Lily had mentioned, with tangible worry wavering in her voice, that Nolan would be meaner than ever now that she’d been punished. Severus had pointed out that she would have to be denser than anyone thought possible to try something like that again.

Wednesday lunchtime was defined by the Marauders being the ones to cause trouble. It couldn’t exactly be said that they ever _stopped_ causing trouble, but now their attentions had turned back to (F/N), Lily and Severus – most notably the latter.

“Why can’t you girls just … bugger off and read something?” sneered Black, looking between (F/N) and Lily as Potter and Pettigrew tried to back Severus into a corner. Lupin tried to occupy himself by looking out of the window. “That’s what you do, isn’t it?”

(F/N) bristled violently at Black’s tone. She raised her wand immediately and pointed it right at his face – anyone would have thought that she’d cast a spell to make his expression fall.

“Huh. Didn’t expect you to be quite so quick about fighting, I must say …” he grumbled. While his lips held no trace of a smile, the spirit of his arrogant smirk still lingered in his mischievous grey eyes, refusing to die. Black lowered his wand which was, until then, ready to hex someone, but never took his eyes off (F/N).

“What _did_ you expect?” she growled.

“A reaction like Evans’,” said Black simply, nodding towards Lily who had just about managed to stay out of the worst of the situation.

“She could curse you within an inch of your life, but she’s too nice and it’s not worth the expulsion,” (F/N) snapped back. “Now let Severus go, or do you want Pettigrew’s wand to cause another explosion?”

Black grinned defiantly, enjoying the fact that (F/N) could play the same game (albeit with slightly different rules). She bent the rules of the Marauders’ games, screwed them into a ball and rewrote them to suit her.

“All right,” said Black with a sneer. “Let Snivellus go, you two. Castor says so,”

Potter snorted incredulously. “Since when do we do what Castor tells us?”

“Since she made me believe that she really would hex my eyes out of their sockets, given half the chance,”

Potter growled like some sort of animal denied its prey and backed away from Severus. (F/N) noticed that her friend had reached for his wand, but it would have been ill-advised to turn it on Potter _and_ Pettigrew, given they were both pointing theirs at him. (F/N), however, refused to lower hers – even when the wands directed at Severus were now trained on her.

“Outnumbered, Castor,” Potter sniffed. “ _Now_ what’s your plan?”

“You make yourselves scarce,” she said quietly – and dangerously, everyone noted.

“Who the hell do you think –,”

“Shut up, James,” said Black, silencing him in an instant. (F/N) was surprised, given how Potter and Black were the best of friends and on more than equal footing. “We’re off. He had better watch his back,” Black was clearly referring to Severus but he didn’t even glance at him.

Black returned his wand to his robes and his friends followed suit, before all four of them turned around and sauntered up the corridor. They were gone, and (F/N) knew it would be a while before they came back.

“(F/N), you were so brave!” gushed Lily, moving right up to (F/N)’s side. “I’m sorry I didn’t help … I just didn’t know what to do …”

“It’s okay, Lil. I didn’t want you getting into trouble anyway,” said (F/N), smiling gently. To Lily, she looked a little tired. “You okay, Sev?”

Severus was straightening his robes and putting his own wand away. He nodded and muttered a very quiet ‘thank you’. (F/N) knew he probably would have preferred to deal with this on his own – she could see he still had his pride – but she couldn’t bear to stand by and watch him being bullied.

“I _hate_ some of the people in our year. If it’s not Nolan, it’s those thugs!”

“It’s fine – honestly. We’re all okay now, aren’t we? We’ll just have to stay away from them for a while,”

“Yeah, but then what?” said Lily, pouting. “They’ll come around again for sure,”

“And then I’ll scare them off again, won’t I?”

Lily scanned (F/N)’s face for signs that she was joking. When she found none and realised that she was serious about her protection of their group, Lily’s face broke into a huge smile. “And I’ll be right there too; we can all see them off together,”

With that, the group had something of a pact. Lily mentioned to (F/N) later that evening that Severus had confessed to feeling quite badly about the fact that (F/N) was the only one who was ready to fight, if it came to it.

“I felt like a pretty lousy friend too. I was just … frozen, you know?” Lily sighed. “Some Gryffindor I am,”

(F/N) smiled and reached across the table to pat Lily’s arm. They were sitting, warm and safe, in the Gryffindor common room and there had been no sign of the Marauders. “You’re a Gryffindor, and there’s no changing that. You’re _obviously_ brave at heart, as we’re all supposed to be …”

Lily laughed, hearing the unspoken dig at Black and the others.

“And you’re _not_ a lousy friend. If I have to tell you that one more time, you’re getting the Tickling Charm,” (F/N) chuckled. ”Understood?”

Lily was laughing as if she’d had the Tickling Charm placed on her already. “Yeah, yeah. Understood,”

Thursday was very peaceful which was, naturally, cause for concern. (F/N) couldn’t help thinking that a hex or even a curse would be making its way towards her at any moment. She wasn’t just on the lookout for Nolan’s tricks in the classes the Gryffindors shared with the Slytherins, but also the sort of gags the Marauders might pull.

By Friday, (F/N), Lily and Severus were more than ready for the weekend. Saturday and Sunday provided more time for them to stick together and study or hang out without disturbance. However, before the end of the school day there was Potions, and Nolan’s last chance to get at (F/N) during a lesson … There were far more things that could go wrong when they had the right materials to hand …

Professor Slughorn had, at the beginning of the year, devised a seating plan. The desks were set into rows, and each desk only had enough seats for two. His idea had been to have one Gryffindor and one Slytherin per table, to encourage the two houses to work together rather than hinder their progress (his eyes had fallen disapprovingly on Nolan during his explanation).

Lily had been placed a couple of rows away with Edith Bradshaw, a much more acceptable lab partner than those she could have had instead. (F/N) sat next to Severus on the far left side of the room, one desk from the front. At the time, neither of them had a problem with this arrangement.

Soon, however, Severus couldn’t ignore the fact that (F/N) was every bit the ‘mad potioneer’ Slughorn affectionately nicknamed her and, equally, he could not ignore the fact that it annoyed him.

For today’s class, Professor Slughorn had instructed them to attempt the brewing of a Sleeping Draught without the notes they’d taken in Wednesday’s lesson. They already had everything they needed, but they would need to work with the person sitting next to them to ensure that they both got to the end of the lesson with a proper potion.

“So this is going to be an extended lesson, then,” (F/N) said quietly.

“What do you mean?” asked Severus.

“Sleeping Draught has a seventy-minute brewing time, doesn’t it?”

He blinked at her. “Yes …”

(F/N) grinned cheekily. “What, did you think I hadn’t been paying attention?”

“I do wonder, sometimes,”

“You wound me, Severus,” (F/N) chuckled, rolling her eyes at him.

As the lesson went on, Severus and (F/N) worked together flawlessly. Both were possessed of steady hands so were able to measure and cut exactly the right amount of the ingredients they were using. They shared advice with each other on a regular basis; Severus made sure that (F/N) wasn’t about to add a third blob of Flobberworm Mucus to her cauldron; (F/N) counted for thirty seconds as both her potion and Severus’ gently heated up before they added their crushed mixtures of Lavender and Standard Ingredient.

As they waited for their potions to brew for the allotted seventy minutes, the students all set about cleaning and tidying their workstations. When they were finished, and their desks were spotless except for the quietly bubbling cauldrons, everyone sat back down for an introduction to the next potion they would be learning: the Girding Potion. (F/N) dutifully scribbled as many notes as she could, listening to Slughorn all the while

At the end of the lecture, (F/N) glanced over at Severus’ workbook to make sure she hadn’t missed anything. Seeing that she hadn’t, and that her potion had just about finished its long brewing stage, she smiled to herself and closed her book, resting her quill beside it.

“All right, everybody. Finish your potions now – chop chop!” said Slughorn over the rising chatter of the class. He busied himself by slowly setting off round the dark dungeon classroom, observing everyone’s efforts. None of the students could begrudge him his lack of speed; the darkness, combined with the heat of twenty cauldrons, was enough to make anyone sleepy and it certainly seemed to be having that effect on their teacher. Or was that the vapour from the potions?

“Oh, crumbs …” (F/N) muttered, moving things around on her desk. When they’d gone back to retrieve the things they’d need for the completion of their potions, she realised she must not have gathered _everything_.

“What?” asked Severus lazily, halfway through stirring his potion. His was nearly done.

“I didn’t get enough Valerian when I went to get the last few ingredients …” said (F/N) dolefully. “I’ve only got three … I’ll be back in a second!”

Severus watched as his friend jumped up from her seat and hurried over to the shelves where Slughorn kept all of the standard-issue ingredients that students were allowed to use. He saw her rummaging around for the Valerian she needed, but his focus very quickly returned to his own work.

As she took the lid off the jar she’d been looking for, (F/N) noticed that someone had mistakenly stored a sprig of Vervain with the Valerian. Thinking nothing of it, she took the Valerian she’d come for as well as the Vervain and resolved to return the latter to its own jar. But no sooner had she touched its soft green leaves than she was overcome with the desire to see what would happen if she added it to her Sleeping Draught …

“Probably nothing,” she murmured to herself, but still … Her curiosity knew no bounds and now she _really_ wanted to know …

She put the jar of Vervain back and took the cutting she’d found back to her desk. Severus hadn’t noticed that she was carrying more than she should have been, because he was too busy filling a bottle with his completed draught. Now seriously behind, (F/N) quickly dropped two measures of Standard Ingredient into her cauldron and increased the heat for one minute. When the step was complete, she added the Valerian and began to stir in a clockwise motion, as Severus had done.

He was watching her the entire time, even when she thought he wasn’t. At no point did he feel the need to check up on her, to make sure she was doing it properly … She was making her potion to the letter. (F/N) saw him looking out of the corner of her eye and continued to monitor him discreetly until he looked away again. Better still, he stood up and made to clear his desk entirely, having finished his work. When he was on the other side of the room, washing his cauldron and his hands, (F/N) took the Vervain out of her robe pocket and added it to her draught.

Nothing happened but, spurred on by her mad fascination with what _could_ happen, she waved her wand to put the finishing touch on the potion. Again, nothing _happened_ , per se …

“Whoa …!” someone exclaimed from behind her. “It smells like candy floss in here!”

(F/N)’s eyes grew so wide it looked like someone had pressed a burning poker to her skin. The first thing she became aware of was someone looking at her from her right; she looked and met the questioning, but highly entertained, gaze of her best friend. Edith was watching her, too.

“What did you do?!” she mouthed across the dungeon at her. (F/N) shrugged her shoulders, feigning ignorance for the time being. It was always best not to admit to doing something on purpose before she knew what Slughorn’s reaction would be.

“Ahh, Miss Castor … Experimenting again, are we?” said the professor, approaching her desk with an amused smile on his ageing face. “What was it this time?”

(F/N) was about to respond when she noticed Severus standing just behind Slughorn. He did _not_ look impressed. That was neither here nor there though, she thought. The teacher had asked her a question. “Vervain, sir …” she said, lowering her eyes to the potion. “I found it in the Valerian jar. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have …”

“No, no, don’t be sorry! You haven’t made anything deadly yet, have you?” he chuckled, clearly dismissing the danger that _could_ have been caused on so many occasions by (F/N)’s curiosity. “I’ve always valued eager minds, and yours is … well. One of the most insatiable in its hunger for knowledge that I’ve ever come across. Please, take your draught away with you today and analyse its effects, if you can, and then return it to me with your notes for grading,”

(F/N)’s (E/C) eyes were ablaze with excitement, as they so often were after a lesson. Her Potions professor’s encouragement of what she could only describe as her slightly irresponsible approach to potion-making was quite rewarding. Her mind was abuzz with delight, but then her eyes fell on Severus again.

“Oh, there you are,” she said, pretending not to have seen him already. She picked up her ladle and poured her potion into the large bottle she had sitting nearby, patiently awaiting its turn. “You okay?”

Severus was silent for a moment, but he was drumming his fingers slowly on the desk. He watched as (F/N)’s potion flowed perfectly into the bottle she was holding; its consistency was on par with what it should have been, and it had the rich, dark purple hue of a true Sleeping Draught … but it smelled strongly of candy floss, as the person behind them had said.

“Why must you do it?” he growled.

“Do what?” (F/N) said, looking at him with an expression of surprise as she replaced the cork.

“You know perfectly well –,”

“(F/N)! What did you make this time?!” Lily gushed as she hurried over to their desk, interrupting Severus mid-sentence.

“Sleeping Draught, I _think_ ,”

Severus bristled, as (F/N) had when Black and company picked on him the other day. “No, that is _not_ –,”

“Oh, Sev, why the frown?” Lily sang, clearly very impressed with (F/N)’s concoction. “You know what she’s like – she’s an _inventor_!”

(F/N) snorted. “Dunno about that, but I do like seeing what happens,”

Severus didn’t say anything else, but gathered up all of his things, packed his bag and took his draught over to Slughorn’s desk where he left it for grading. Then he left.

“Whoa, what’s the matter with him …?” Lily asked, staring dumbfounded after Severus’ retreating back.

“I’m … not sure,” (F/N) lied. She was fairly certain that she knew what was wrong.

Severus had left at the end of the lesson but there were still a lot of people lingering in the classroom, either to ask Slughorn a question or to finish scrubbing their desks and cauldrons. (F/N) was still there because there were people who actually wanted a sniff of her new potion. Apparently, candy floss was a welcome scent in a dungeon that normally only smelled of bat spleens and frog guts.

“Should we go and find Sev?” (F/N) asked Lily as they made their way up from the dungeons.

“Yeah, probably,” she said. “But where could he have gone? Library?”

“No … I bet he’s gone to the lake,”

So (F/N) and Lily went to their spot down by the lakeshore. They trotted down the small hill, the grass now made damp by the rain they’d had that week, and when they turned the corner they saw Severus sitting alone atop a flat rock with his nose in a book.

“Found you!” said Lily cheerfully, but (F/N) couldn’t help noticing the caution with which she approached him, as if unsure of how he would receive her – Lily Evans – his best friend.

Severus looked up and was about to speak, but as soon as he saw (F/N) his face was consumed with irritation and he turned back to his book, glaring at the words in front of him. His black hair fell forwards, obscuring his face. (F/N) realised she’d been right all along – he was cross with her.

“Sev, what’s wrong?” Lily pushed, walking over and crouching beside him. Still no answer.

“It’s me,” (F/N) said resignedly. “Something I did in potions. The experimentation, am I right?”

Severus looked up, and his expression bordered on savage. (F/N) was slightly taken aback by his hostility.

“So … are we going to talk about this or are you going to keep giving me dirty looks?”

Severus snapped his book shut and swivelled on the rock he was using as a seat. He fixed her with a cold, hard stare for a full minute before standing up and walking halfway between where (F/N) was and where he had been. Lily stayed put where she was standing next to Severus’ rock.

“As I was saying in class, why must you do it?”

Knowing now that he was talking about her tendency to ‘ruin’ a potion with that relentless curiosity of hers, (F/N) calmly replied, “I just like being able to create new things. Potions is an interesting subject, with loads of possibilities,”

Severus scowled at her. “And one of those possibilities is making the potion we’ve been _asked_ to,” he growled through gritted teeth. “Do you know how many times we could’ve been in trouble?”

“And look how many times we haven’t,”

“That’s not the point,”

“Okay, so what is?”

There was a slightly pink tinge to Severus’ otherwise pale cheeks. He was clearly getting himself worked up, (F/N) thought; she’d never seen him quite so cross. She felt a pang of some nameless emotion in her gut, hot and penetrating like anger but … not quite.

“Slytherin has a reputation for having students who do well in Potions. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is to have to work with someone who obviously doesn’t care about the subject?”

He watched as (F/N)’s expression transformed from one of confusion about his outburst (mixed with mild annoyance herself) to plain, raw hurt. He, too, felt a pang of something in his stomach.

“Hey, come on now … That’s not fair. The three of us are tied top of the class,”

“Because Lily and I help you,” Severus bit back.

“Sev, no …” Lily protested, coming forward and standing between her bickering friends. “She got there on her own; we haven’t helped her since last summer,”

As she said this, a cold wind whipped across the lake and hit them hard, blowing their hair about in a wild frenzy, making them feel as though summer was a long time ago. Severus grimaced, unhappy with the fact that one of his arguments had been shot down in flames by Lily.

(F/N) was still standing there, staring blankly at Severus. She didn’t want any more emotion to show on her face just yet. She was anticipating his next attack, and she wasn’t long in waiting.

“Regardless of that …” he hissed. “… Slughorn seems to think that if it’s _you_ who’s messing about in class it’s fine. _You_ make a potion that smells like sweets, that’s _great_. But if _I_ make a potion that does what it’s supposed to do, that’s … boring,”

“So you think I’m some goody-two-shoes attention-seeker,” (F/N) growled in a low and dangerous tone of voice, the very same as the one she’d used on Black days before. Something about Severus’ fury had left him very open and (F/N) had read him like a book – she had seen everything, and she hadn’t taken kindly to it.

Startled momentarily by the realisation that she had read his body language so effortlessly, and used it to interpret what he was probably thinking, Severus narrowed his sharp black eyes at her in anger. “Stop – reading – me,” he said slowly.

“Maybe you should try reading me for a change and see that I _do_ care about Potions. All of our classes, in fact, since you seem to think I slack off in all of them,”

Lily didn’t like where this was going; neither of her friends’ tones were getting any friendlier, and she was concerned that this would end worse than it had started, with no resolution in sight because (F/N) and Severus were proud and stubborn people.

“Never mind trying to read _you_ ,” said Severus harshly. “I know all that I need to,”

“Is that right?” (F/N) snarled, the challenge in her words slicing through Severus like a scythe. She had nothing more to say to him, if that was his perception of her. And she’d thought they were friends … Friends didn’t let their opinions of each other change as easily as his had of her …

“It is,” he growled. “You’re no different to Black and Potter. All they do is muck about in lessons, too …”

Lily gasped and stared at Severus as if he’d said the most disgusting swearword. (F/N) spun on her heels and left. She moved at her usual pace, resolving to remain as dignified as possible as she went. She wasn’t Nolan; she didn’t flounce, or anything like that. And she _certainly_ wasn’t Black or Potter – she would have hexed Severus for his insult there and then if she was.

She heard Lily calling after her, the desperation in her voice forcing it to a high-pitched crescendo. She didn’t turn back.


	16. Chapter 16

Lily went straight to the common room looking for (F/N), desperate to find her before she had to spend any more time alone under those circumstances. When Lily arrived she noticed immediately that her friend was nowhere in sight, but the room was very murky – it took her a moment to figure out why.

The fireplace was roaring as usual, casting a warm and welcoming glow throughout the room and accentuating the dark reds and crimsons of the décor, but the big window on the other side of the room showed a world outside that was dark and stormy. A distant rumble of thunder was carried on the suddenly high winds to Lily’s ears, although muffled by the castle, and that very same wind brought heavy rain to lash the window, pelting the glass so hard it sounded like hail.

Deciding to take her chances of finding her friend in their dormitory, Lily ran for the stairs and didn’t slow down until she reached their room. She stopped at the door, panting slightly, before opening it quietly and closing it equally so. The room was in complete darkness, as though nobody had been there in hours. She knew better.

“(F/N) …?” she called out softly, testing the waters. “Are you in here?”

The curtains on (F/N)’s bed were only pulled halfway, so that if she was sitting on her bed no one would be able to see her from the door. Lily strained to hear anything in the room apart from the steadily intensifying storm outside. Every so often, a bright blue flash of lightning would illuminate the room.

“… Hey, Lil,”

Lily hurried into the room and over to (F/N)’s bed. She peeked around the corner and saw her lying on her front, her chin resting on her pillow.

“Oh, (F/N) …” Lily cooed, sitting down next to her friend. “Are you all right?”

“Yeah, but … headache,” was all (F/N) managed to say. She felt Lily’s hand fall to rest gently on her back, stroking her as a sister would when consoling a sibling.

“Have you been crying?” Lily asked quietly.

“No …” said (F/N) honestly, looking backwards over her shoulder. “Feeling a bit numb, really,”

“I get totally get that …” said Lily, patting (F/N)’s back again. “I am so sorry for what he said back there … it was so unfair …”

(F/N) nodded miserably and put her face back in the pillow. All she wanted was to lie there in the dark and not think about anything, but she appreciated Lily’s presence. In truth, it was much nicer to have someone there than not, and even better for the fact that it was Lily and she didn’t have to explain what had happened all over again.

“I can’t believe he said those things …” Lily went on. “I told him so, after you left. Gave him a proper telling-off. And I’m really disappointed in him, for comparing you to … _them_. After all the times you’ve stuck up for him and _proved_ you’re nothing like them!”

She felt (F/N) sigh under her hand, her back and shoulders rising very slowly with the deep breath. She let it go again just as gradually.

Lily seemed to know that (F/N) didn’t want her to stop talking. Her voice was very soothing and, when combined with the low rumbles of thunder rolling across the sky above the castle, it served as a very good remedy for (F/N)’s aching soul.

“What did he say to you?” (F/N) muttered, her words muffled by the pillow.

Lily sighed. “He didn’t really say anything. He looked a bit perplexed that I’d had a go at him …”

“You feel guilty for it. It’s okay, you know; he’s your friend, too,”

“I know, but he was in the wrong,” Lily said resolutely. “I told him I didn’t like the way he’d treated you. I said that he’d blown it way out of the water, and that he was too harsh. He was quite mean to you, really …”

“Lily …” (F/N) began, pushing herself up from the bed and turning to look at her with serious (E/C) eyes. “It’s _okay._ Truly. You’re getting all upset about it – I can tell – and you really shouldn’t, although I appreciate you standing up for me,”

(F/N) patted Lily’s knee kindly and offered her the first smile she’d been able to form since the argument.

“But I don’t want my best friends fighting …” Lily sniffed. She looked like she was about to cry, so (F/N) pulled her into a hug.

“Hey … I won’t fight if he doesn’t,” she said, and felt Lily smile against her shoulder.

“I’m sure it’ll all die down soon … Won’t it?” Lily murmured into (F/N)’s school robes. She couldn’t ignore the note of uncertainty in her voice as the statement suddenly became a question. She was doubting herself.

“Of course it will,” said (F/N). “I think we just need time to cool off,”

That weekend was quite possibly the hardest that Lily and (F/N) had to endure since they first started at Hogwarts. Never had there been a falling-out in their group, and now that Severus was giving (F/N) a wide berth it had become painfully obvious that they weren’t currently on good terms. Of course, there were two groups in particular who just couldn’t ignore the fact that their little crew had been fractured.

“I told Snivellus he needed to watch his back,” scoffed Black on Sunday morning, at breakfast. “And now look – he’s lost his bodyguard,”

Black was, of course, referring to (F/N) more than Lily. Lily stood up for Severus when she could, but her current inability to do so was caused only by the fact that, as much as he liked her, Severus wouldn’t go anywhere near Lily if (F/N) was there too. (F/N) had even said to Lily late on Saturday afternoon that she didn’t need to pick sides, or choose between her and Severus, and if she wanted to go and hang out with him she was more than welcome to do so … but Lily had dug her heels in and refused. Severus was still her friend, very much so, but she had decided on Friday night that he was the one who needed to apologise, and she wasn’t going to abandon (F/N) to deal with any of what she was going through alone.

The girls ignored Black, opting instead to launch themselves into a conversation about the results of (F/N)’s candy floss-flavoured Sleeping Draught. Adding the Vervain hadn’t done anything at all, other than make the potion smell the way it did – other than that, it had been a perfect concoction, and very welcome on (F/N)’s Friday night after all the drama.

“So what’s he doing now? Skulking around with all his slippery little Slytherin buddies?”

Black’s voice was so pervasive that he couldn’t be drowned out. (F/N) seriously debated putting a Silencing Charm on him, but she doubted that Professor Flitwick would approve of that kind of demonstration of further study.

“Why do you want to know?” she said, glowering at him. He was only sitting a few spaces away, and they could hear each other quite easily without having to shout. It astonished her that, even after Severus had compared her to this boy, the first thing she did was defend him against his nosy and no doubt malicious questions.

“I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t because he’s pretty vulnerable now,”

“And you somehow think he’s incapable of protecting himself? He doesn’t need us for that,”

Black smirked. “That wasn’t how it looked on Wednesday,”

(F/N) glanced to her left and saw that Lily had gone very red in the face, contrasting badly with her cascade of fiery hair. “Black, I swear blind, if you so much as –,”

(F/N) held up a hand to stop her friend from antagonising Black to the point she would make herself a target. (F/N) had already crossed him before, in their first year, and she didn’t care if he came after her again … but not Lily.

“Black, don’t you have anything better to do than threaten Severus?” she asked, clearly demonstrating her loss of interest in the conversation. She had her back to the Slytherin table, so couldn’t see Severus’ group staring at the back of her head, but she could feel eyes on her. It didn’t take a genius to work out who they belonged to.

Black smirked at her again. “I don’t think I do, come to think of it,”

She scowled at him and said no more, turning back to Lily. The frostiness of her glare said all the things words could not.

“What if they hurt him?” Lily whispered frantically.

(F/N) looked guiltily back at Lily, which only made her feel worse.

“No, don’t you dare!” Lily said, pointing at (F/N) in a scolding manner. “Don’t you dare feel bad about this. Sev won’t let you anywhere near him, so how are you supposed to help? Besides, you said it yourself: he isn’t defenceless,”

“Yeah, he probably knows more curses than the teachers do …” (F/N) muttered.

The rest of Sunday was rather tense. (F/N) and Lily retreated to the common room to finish their homework and then spent the rest of the day faffing about doing nothing in particular, but in all the time they spent there they never once saw any of the Marauders. It was not a comforting position to be in, considering what they _could_ have been doing that day.

Less comforting still was the notion that suddenly occurred to (F/N): Nolan and her gang had been very quiet since getting into trouble on Monday. It only made sense to (F/N) and Lily that they were plotting something devious.

“What could they possibly do that won’t get them into trouble again?” Lily mused. “Surely they wouldn’t try that sort of thing again, with the pranks and hexes in public?”

“I’m not so sure …” (F/N) murmured, placing another card on the table (they were playing Exploding Snap). “Nolan seems the type to try anything to get what she wants,”

Both girls jumped suddenly as there came an almighty clattering from the direction of the stairs, thinking that one of them had made a match with their cards. They looked up and saw that Haydn Blythe had come rushing down after the books that had all fallen from whichever floor of the tower he’d just been on.

“S-sorry …” he muttered, noticing the girls nearby. “Didn’t mean to scare you,”

“S’okay,” said (F/N) with a shrug of her shoulders. “Here, let me help,” She slid out of her seat and hurried over to Haydn, gathering up the books his hands were already too full to carry. Haydn was already quite tall for a twelve-year-old, but he was a skinny boy who had a lot of filling-out to do. His sandy-blond hair fell in front of his eyes, giving him the appearance of an underfed highland cow, and (F/N) couldn’t help wondering if the combination of long, unruly hair and long, unruly legs was what had nearly sent him flying down the stairs after his books.

“Thanks …” Haydn mumbled, in a voice so quiet it was almost a whisper. Just as he spoke, four or five pages slipped out of the topmost book in the stack he was balancing. “Oh …” was all he managed to say in response.

(F/N) grinned and removed the book from the pile, crouching down to collect the loose pages. She placed the book on the nearest table (not the one with Exploding Snap cards on it, because that would’ve been asking for trouble) and matched the renegade pages to their proper places in the book. She closed the book, took out her wand and said, “Reparo,”

She opened the book again and leafed through the pages, checking that the charm had worked. None of the pages came loose.

She smiled up at Haydn and took two more of the seven books he was carrying, leaving him with the use of his eyes (sort of). “Come on,” she said. “Where are we taking these?”

“L-library?” he stuttered, seemingly unsure of himself.

“Okay. Lil, are you coming?”

“Sure!” said Lily quickly, packing up the cards and putting on her coat. She rushed over to Haydn and grabbed another book off him to be helpful.

“Thank you both …” he said, even more quietly. He was barely audible, now.

On the way to the library, (F/N) said, “Haydn, what were you doing with all these books?”

“I was struggling with Transfiguration …” he admitted. “I knew I wouldn’t get good marks on the homework if I didn’t study extra …”

(F/N) looked up at him with sympathetic eyes. “Hey, if you’d like a couple of study partners you’re more than welcome to join us,”

Haydn’s expression was nothing short of delighted. “Can I? Really?”

“Of course you can,” she said with a laugh. “Just grab us after class,”

Haydn’s grin was infectious; he had a very endearing face, when you could see it from underneath the mop of hair. Just as they rounded the corner to the corridor with the library, Haydn leapt out of the way in very urgent fashion, Lily also dodged, and (F/N) stopped dead in her tracks before the person who had come rushing towards them could barrel into her, sending books everywhere.

The person who nearly crashed into them glowered more darkly than he’d ever glowered before.

“That was close …” Haydn murmured, checking all of his books were still intact, even though there had been no collision.

“Hey, Sev …” Lily said in an attempt to ameliorate the situation. Severus didn’t say anything but gave her a far softer look than what he’d silently attacked (F/N) with.

He quickly found his voice, though.

“So what was this?” he snapped. “An excuse to prove your point?”

His black eyes burned like hot coals, boring into (F/N) so cruelly it was though he was trying to brand her skin with them.

“What do you mean?” she asked gently, her own voice almost completely stolen away by her surprise at his increased aggression.

“Don’t act like you don’t know,” he spat. “What is it with you and lying?”

(F/N), this time, could not keep her rage to herself. Her skin was suddenly so hot with anger that the whole corridor felt deathly cold, and she shuddered slightly under the strain of withholding an even worse reaction than what she was currently experiencing.

“How _dare_ you?!” she barked, and Severus recoiled as if scared that she would bite him. “Calling me a liar … What am I supposed to have done this time?!”

Lily and Haydn had shrunk away from the fight and into the shadow of the wall on the opposite side of the corridor. An actual, magical fight between them would be … terrible.

Severus regained his courage – or folly, Lily wasn’t sure which – and sneered at (F/N). “Want me to repeat it? All right, then. _“_ _Greasy-haired, big-nosed git … needs a haircut if he wants to see where he’s going … not that anything can be done about a beak like that …”_ Sound familiar?”

His anger was unlike anything (F/N) had ever seen him exhibit before, but she had a feeling that hers was on a similar level. _“No!”_ she shouted indignantly. “Why the hell would I say anything like that about you? Do you not realise how _daft_ that sounds?!”

“Come on, Sev – you know (F/N) wouldn’t ever say that about _anyone,_ let alone you,” Lily proffered bravely, coming forward a step or two. “Sounds more like something Potter would say,”

“No, it definitely wasn’t Potter. They heard _her_ saying it,”

Being spoken about in third-person did not go down well with (F/N). “Who are ‘they’?” she demanded, glaring at Severus with such intensity that Haydn and Lily thought she could be trying to melt him.

Severus didn’t bother to answer but stalked off around the corner. He was gone in seconds.

“Well, that went … much worse than I expected,” said Lily quietly.

“You knew he was going to be here?” (F/N) said, siphoning the anger out of her voice ready to address Lily, who had done nothing wrong.

“No, I just … hoped that the next time you two spoke it would end with you being friends again,” she said, looking down at her shoes. She looked deeply upset.

“Oh, Lil … I’m sorry …”

“No, don’t you _dare_ be the one to say sorry! That was all him!” she burst out angrily. “How could he think you’d say something so awful? You’ve been with me _constantly_ since Friday afternoon … you haven’t said a single nasty word about him, even with everything going on … and calling you a _liar_ …”

Lily’s voice trailed off into what sounded exactly like despair.

“Lil, _please_ don’t force yourself to choose between us. I know you want to be his friend, and you want to be mine too. Trust me, if you want to go and talk to him, or hang out, or whatever you do, I won’t feel betrayed,”

Lily looked at her as if she’d slapped her. “How did you know …?”

“I just know,” said (F/N) kindly.

Haydn looked completely bewildered, but Lily and (F/N) just smiled at each other. Then, without warning, (F/N) walked to Lily and took the book she was carrying for Haydn.

“Go on,” she said, nodding vaguely down the corridor in the direction of Severus’ departure. “He’ll want to see you,”

Lily seemed torn and didn’t move. “Are you sure? I really do feel like I’m abandoning you,”

“Don’t be silly,” said (F/N), smiling encouragingly. “Maybe you can find out what’s been going through that dark mind of his,”

Lily chuckled. (F/N)’s comment hadn’t been an unfair one. “Right,” she said, steeling herself for what was to come – a lot of coaxing to get the truth out of Severus. “I’ll come and find you at dinner, okay?”

“See you later,”

Lily dashed off down the corridor, hoping and praying that Severus hadn’t gone to his dormitory or common room, the only two places she wouldn’t be able to reach him. (F/N) watched her go, wondering where she _would_ find him. The weather had been much worse that weekend than it had been all week, so she doubted that Severus would be outside, down by the lake. She also couldn’t help drawing comparisons between her own mood and the miserable days that had engulfed her since the falling-out.

As she made her way into the library with Haydn, she felt her heartbeat rise into her throat to see a flash of lightning and hear a rumble of thunder echo around the castle. She hadn’t noticed it before, out in the corridor, but the rain was suddenly hurling itself from the heavens, almost torrential in nature.

She silently begged Severus not to be outside. She begged him not to make Lily go out there looking for him …

***

The silence went on for months, which was silly because it was caused by something so trivial. After their fight outside the library, there had been some big changes between (F/N) and Severus that even the teachers noticed. For instance, Lily had swapped seats with (F/N) during Potions (she told (F/N) she was concerned they would try to poison each other). Both of the warring friends were more than happy with their substitute lab partners.

As time went on, (F/N) also began to hear the peculiar rumours. Apparently, Severus had been telling his fellow Slytherins that she was “ _utterly stupid_ ”, her studiousness was “ _nothing but a false front_ ” and that “ _she ought to keep her opinions about people’s appearances to herself, because she [was] nothing special_ ”.

All of those hurt, and an insult came every other week. She was in pieces, knowing that something so horrible had been said by someone she once considered her friend …

“(F/N), I really don’t think he’d say anything like that about you … that’s not his way …” Lily said as she tried to comfort (F/N) one evening in the common room. They were sitting in a quiet corner by themselves. “When I spoke to him on the Sunday he accused you of calling _him_ names, he didn’t seem to have anything bad to say about you in return …”

“Except that I was a liar, which he said to my face,” (F/N) reminded her. “Anyway, how do we know what he’s been saying behind closed doors? We’re in different houses, Lil …”

“I still don’t think …”

“ _And_ he could have said it in retaliation, after all. Just because he didn’t say it then, doesn’t mean he didn’t say it _later_ …”

Lily was lost for words. She clearly didn’t know what to say anymore.

“I’m sorry …” said (F/N) at length. “I know this is putting you in a tough spot,”

“Well … I now know the true meaning of being between a rock and a hard place,” Lily chuckled.

(F/N) laughed too, but it was short-lived in her exhaustion, induced by the whole miserable situation. “Who’s the rock and who’s the hard place?”

Lily eyed her as if unsure of whether she was joking or not. “You’re the rock, obviously,”

(F/N) raised an eyebrow. “Why is that?”

“You’re always there for _everyone_. Like a rock,” she explained. “Surely I don’t need to tell you why Sev’s the hard place,”

“That sounds very wrong when you say it like that,” (F/N) teased, laughing just slightly under her breath. Lily recoiled, horrified but amused all the same – albeit in the same way a teenage boy might find that joke funny.

“Oh, _yuck_ , (F/N)!” Lily squealed. “I can’t believe that just came out of your mouth …!”

(F/N) laughed quite heartily at Lily’s reaction.

“That’s something I would’ve expected _Black_ to say,” said Lily, still through peals of mildly-disgusted laughter. (F/N)’s own laughter died down. Lily realised what she’d said and stopped laughing too. “Oh, (F/N) … I’m so sorry, that’s not what I meant at all. You’re not like them,”

“I know, Lil. I know what you meant,” said (F/N) dully, all of the lustre she’d had previously completely gone. “It just reminded me of what Severus said,”

“I know … I’m sorry …”

“Don’t be,” said (F/N), reaching across and patting her arm again. The battle had gone on for far too long already, and now Christmas was right around the corner. In fact, everyone would be going home in a couple of days. She knew she wouldn’t be getting a Christmas letter from Severus …

“I’ll speak to him over the holidays, okay?” Lily said gently, piercing (F/N)’s sad little bubble.

“Sure, if you think that’ll help …”

“It’s worth a shot,” Lily said, shrugging her shoulders. “I just don’t know where it all came from, this name-calling …”

(F/N) agreed. When she went home for the holidays, she told Auntie Beth and Eddie all about the feud and how out-of-the-blue it had been, and they seemed to understand completely. Eddie told her that a friend of his did exactly the same thing to him, but it turned out that it was completely true, and his ‘friend’ was just being nasty. He then tried to comfort her by telling her that it probably wasn’t the same for her and Severus. Auntie Beth, on the other hand, simply suggested waiting for the dust to settle and see what happened after Christmas.

A week before school was due to resume, Lily sent (F/N) a letter asking how her Christmas had been, and whether she was looking forward to the new term. She’d also mentioned her meeting with Severus over the holidays and, when asked about the horrible things he was supposed to have said about (F/N), he’d denied all knowledge.

(F/N) wasn’t surprised.

The journey back to Hogwarts was awkward beyond anything she or Lily could have imagined. (F/N) had arrived on Platform 9¾ to see Lily and Severus arriving together and boarding the train so, to avoid any confrontation, (F/N) had gone straight over to Haydn who was loitering nearby, beneath the clock hanging from the ceiling, and asked if he wanted to sit with her instead.

Haydn was a shy but interesting boy who reminded (F/N) strongly of Eddie. They looked very similar, but Eddie was only slightly shorter. Once she was able to get him talking, she found out that he’d had a very nice Christmas with his family and that in the summer they would be going to Croatia.

“How exciting!” (F/N) gasped as Haydn went with his story. Just as he was about to lapse into another anecdote about his Christmas ((F/N) thought it was as if nobody ever spoke to this poor boy) a couple of faces appeared at the glass door to their compartment. Two boys, one from Hufflepuff and one from Ravenclaw, were standing outside. Haydn smiled and waved them in.

“Hi, guys,” said Haydn, in a quiet but cheerful tone.

“Hey!” said the Hufflepuff, Davey Gudgeon. He had a very thin scar running from the inner corner of his eyebrow, right across the bridge of his nose from where he’d tried to get close enough to the Whomping Willow to touch its trunk last June, but it had sent him flying instead. “Oh, hey, (F/N)!”

Davey was a cheerful sort, but (F/N) had never had a chance to speak to him before. She greeted him just as nicely as he had her, as well as the Ravenclaw at his side, Robert Saint.

Robert sat down next to her while Davey sat with Haydn. It was a new dynamic that (F/N) had never experienced before but she liked it. Haydn had introduced her to a few new people already, during the time she spent helping him with his homework and studies.

“I don’t usually get a word in edgeways, though …” he’d once told her.

Thinking back to that time, (F/N) put two and two together and worked out that _this_ was why Haydn had been talking to her so much. She felt very flattered that he’d chosen her to chat to and confide in, and also glad of the fact that she had another friend. At least that meant Lily wouldn’t feel too responsible for her.

When they finally got back to Hogwarts, Lily spotted (F/N) in the crowd and came racing over to her as if she hadn’t seen her in years. “Oh my gosh, _there_ you are!” she wheezed, squashing (F/N) in this incredible bear-hug of hers. “I thought you’d missed the train!”

(F/N) managed a snort of laughter. “As if _I’d_ miss the train,” she chuckled. “Honestly, do you know me at all?”

Lily stopped hugging her for a moment to look her friend in the eyes, but soon she was laughing along with her. On the way up to the castle they talked about everything that had been said on the train and everything that had happened over the Christmas holidays that they hadn’t been able to pack into their letters.

(F/N) was not surprised to hear that Severus didn’t have anything good to say about her.

“I’m sorry, (F/N) …” Lily said sadly. “I just don’t know what’s got into him,”

“General hatred of my existence?” said (F/N) sarcastically. Lily couldn’t help laughing.

“He doesn’t _hate_ you …”

“No, he _really_ hates me,”

Lily didn’t know what else to say in objection, but she did add, “He’s just upset because he, in his words, “thought [he] could trust you because I do”,”

(F/N) whirled around to look at Lily as if she’d grown an extra head. “Seriously?” she said incredulously, gaping at her friend. “He must’ve _really_ trusted me to toss me aside as quickly as he did …”

“Oh, (F/N), please don’t take it like that … Sev finds it really hard to trust people …”

“But I didn’t do anything wrong,”

“No … No, you didn’t,”

“Anyway, did he tell you who the people were that told him I’d called him names in the first place?”

The courtyard loomed up through the murky evening light, so they wouldn’t have much longer to talk without lots of other Gryffindors overhearing them at dinner. “Well, sort of …” she said. “All he said was that he heard it from his friends … You know, Avery and Mulciber and that lot …”

“Figures,” (F/N) huffed. “But who did _they_ hear it from? Because it certainly wasn’t from my lips,”

“That was what Sev couldn’t work out, either. So he said they must have heard it coming straight from you. I told him that was impossible, because when all of this started I never left your side and you _definitely_ didn’t say it in my presence,”

(F/N) had neither the energy nor the inclination to prolong this particular conversation, and so they turned their attentions to school in general. Dinner was nice and uneventful, as they’d managed to keep it for quite some time, and even the first few days back at school were reasonable. It was not to last, however, as a flurry of rumours hit the hateful wind that ripped through Hogwarts on the regular. This time, it seemed, (F/N) had called Severus a _“nasty little snake who ought to be stamped on”_ and Severus had reacted by saying that (F/N) should have her pumpkin juice spiked with _“a healthy dose of Weedosoros”_.

That had been the final straw for Lily, and she had marched straight to the Slytherin table at lunchtime on the same Thursday they’d heard the savage remark, to demand of Severus why he would wish (F/N) dead, which was essentially what his comment had implied.

(F/N) could see him from where she was sitting at the Gryffindor table, desperately trying to hear what was going on over the racket the Marauders were making – as usual. A few days prior, she’d felt quite bad for Severus as she’d heard that one of their pranks had ‘gone wrong’ and ‘hit the wrong person’, landing Severus in the hospital wing (not for the first time). She winced slightly as Severus shot an accusing look at her, but she met his eyes as defiantly as she could and took a sip of pumpkin juice as if to prove she wasn’t scared of his potential to poison her.

Lily came flouncing back to their table with an expression of utter confusion on her face and to the tune of many sniggering Slytherins. “He says that he never said anything of the sort,” She angrily tore off a bit of bread and dunked it violently into her soup as though trying to drown it.

“Lil … I’m starting to wonder whether he _is_ saying these things. I mean, I know _I’m_ not saying the things I’m supposed to have come out with,”

“(F/N) … I appreciate what you’re saying but … well. As much as I hate to say it, Sev can be quite … vindictive,”

“Yeah, and don’t I know it …” (F/N) said, catching another furious glance off the boy she was unsure she’d ever be able to call ‘friend’ again. And all because of some silly rumours …

The time until Easter dragged by, and for some reason this year Auntie Beth had written to her saying that she wouldn’t be able to come home for half-term because she’d been asked by Eddie’s parents to help them with something to do with their work, something very big. (F/N) wondered what on earth could be so big and important that they had to enlist the help of the next-door neighbour, but she supposed she was just feeling bitter because of how the last few weeks had turned out. For the first time ever, she found herself wishing she was anywhere _but_ Hogwarts.

Upon hearing that (F/N) was going to have to spend the Easter at school, Lily instantly went to Professor McGonagall’s office to change her mind about going home herself. But, when she came back to tell (F/N) the good news, they both found themselves out of luck.

“Most of the Slytherins are staying, too, and so are the Marauders,” (F/N) told her mournfully.

“Oh, _pants!”_ Lily snapped, slapping her leg as she sat opposite (F/N) on the plush common room sofa. “For goodness’ sake, can’t we get a break?”

Lily watched as an understanding yet very resigned expression flitted across (F/N)’s face. “It would seem not,” she said darkly.

Auntie Beth _and_ Lily’s parents sent an Easter egg for the girls which surprised them as they’d never been to either of their houses yet. It did serve to brighten their holidays though, and they were thankful for the fact that the only times they needed to leave Gryffindor Tower were to eat or, occasionally, visit the library. The drama, therefore, was kept to a minimum.

The weather was warming up nicely, and by the time the last term of the year began most of the days were filled with sunshine. The time had long since passed for wearing the full school uniform, so most of the students took to wearing just their light jumpers over their school shirts, and in some students’ cases no jumpers were worn at all. _Those_ people were often seen getting told off by Professor McGonagall, or Madam Pince if they walked into the library dressed as they were.

No rumours had been heard since before the Easter holidays, which lifted (F/N)’s spirits a little. However, Severus seemed angrier with her than ever and she wasn’t quite sure why, given that nothing had happened since the incident involving his Weedosoros comment. She resolved to just keep her head down and continue to work hard at her studies until the end-of-year examinations, revision for which she was currently helping Haydn with.

One sunny – but very breezy – day in May, she and Haydn were sitting on the lawn running between the great grey castle and Hagrid’s hut, working on memorising the finer points of the Memory Charm, of which Professor Flitwick had insisted they would only be learning the theory. Over the many revision sessions she’d spent with Haydn, (F/N) realised that his only problem was his confidence – Haydn was actually a very proficient wizard, but he dismissed the notion every time she pointed it out.

Haydn was testing her, now, but her concentration was suddenly broken by a familiar, nightmarish cackle. They both looked up the hill to see who was coming and were unsurprised to find that they were right about who to expect. Swaggering down the hill, followed by most – if not all – of her cronies, was Nolan. (F/N) and Haydn slammed their books shut and shoved them back in their bags, swinging them over their shoulders.

They were not going to wait around to find out what she wanted.

“Hey, where do you two freaks think you’re going?” laughed Nolan, drawing her wand from her robes. (F/N) saw that, at some point, she’d fashioned some kind of tacky ribbon to decorate the handle. Seconds later, (F/N) was horrified to see that Nolan had lifted Haydn into the air by way of the Levitation Charm and was dangling him upside-down by just one of his long legs.

“Put him down, Nolan!” (F/N) snapped, raising her own wand to challenge her. She was raising Haydn higher and higher into the air, and his own wand had fallen to the ground. (F/N) picked it up before any of Nolan’s people could come over and take it while she was occupied with the ringleader.

“What was that, Castor?” Nolan sniggered.

“I said _put him down_!” she shouted. There was a serious height disadvantage here – Nolan was standing a good bit further up the hill than (F/N).

Nolan hesitated for a few seconds, clearly enjoying toying with and tormenting poor Haydn. He hardly made a peep, though, as he struggled to free himself of the misused charm. Then, without warning, Nolan shrugged her shoulders and said, “Okay,”

(F/N), quick as a flash, turned and shouted, “ _Arresto Momentum!_ ” before Haydn could hit the ground headfirst. He slowed to a stop before dropping to the ground from no more than half a foot, and onto his stomach instead.

“Well, well …” purred Nolan in the most sinister of voices. “What good luck precious Haydn Blythe had that _brave_ (F/N) Castor was here to save him. What, is he your boyfriend now? Wouldn’t surprise me; the pathetic always attract the pathetic,”

(F/N)’s blood began to boil. The wind had picked up, almost as if to rally with her against Nolan. Her group laughed along, with the exception of Edith who stood by looking extremely uncomfortable, but (F/N) would have the worst of them running with their tails between their legs soon enough …

(F/N) raised her wand and said, in a very calm and dignified voice, “ _Flipendo_ ,”

Nolan watched as Cecily Moseley flew backwards some fifteen feet, then again as Helena Timms, on her right, followed suit. Nolan turned a suddenly livid glare on (F/N) but saw that she and Haydn were already sprinting past her gang to get back to the castle.

(F/N) and Haydn were panting as they fled for the safety of the castle, where they would hopefully run past a teacher who would then stop Nolan and her crew in their tracks. They had only just managed to reach the courtyard, however, when (F/N) heard, over the pounding of her pulse in her ears, the unmistakeable sound of quickening footfalls behind them.

How had they caught up? What if they didn’t make it to the castle before them? What were they going to do if they got there first?

(F/N)’s main concern was Haydn. She didn’t want him to suffer any more at their hands because of her. She slowed down slightly so that he would outpace her, and so that she would become the Bandits’ first victim when they caught up. She didn’t stop running, though.

The fleeing Gryffindors tore through the courtyard, rushing past the few people who were standing there, bewildered. The wind had picked up considerably, which was strange for the time of year, but it seemed to be ferrying them along. Ahead of her, Haydn had reached the doors to the Entrance Hall and was waiting for her, gasping for breath as he leaned on the great stone doorway. (F/N) was nearly there, bombing past the confused onlookers just as she felt something very strange happen at her back … Her bag felt lighter, somehow.

When she thought about it later, she realised that she’d registered the sharp noise that Nolan’s spell had made as the magic sliced through the air, and then the strap of her bag, before she’d even heard Nolan shout the incantation for the Severing Charm. She turned, just a few feet from the doors, and saw that her things were lying scattered in her wake. She and Haydn rushed back to gather everything up, but they weren’t quick enough to grab everything …

The first thing that (F/N) noticed was that Lily and Severus were standing a short distance away, having been two of the people watching them sprinting past. They looked absolutely dumbfounded. The second thing she noticed was that Nolan had caught up, and was now holding something of hers, something rectangular and the size of an exercise book … Her stomach dropped when she realised what it was …

“Give that back,” she said, in a low and menacing voice. Nolan’s friends all backed off, even though they were still tittering away about what they’d seen in Nolan’s hand: the photograph of (F/N)’s family.

“Aw, is ickle baby (F/N) feeling homesick?” Nolan teased, screwing up her face as though to imitate a child on the verge of crying. “Does she miss her mummy and daddy?”

“Give – it – _back,_ ” (F/N) repeated with a feral snarl, stalking up to Nolan and stopping a mere two feet away. Nolan, who was taller than her, sneered down into her face.

“Hit a nerve, did I?” Nolan sniggered, holding the photo just out of arm’s reach. “Tell me, (F/N) … Why _do_ you carry this around with you all the time? Is being away from home _that_ bad?”

“That’s none of your goddamn business!” (F/N) spat, and Lily could have sworn that her words were hot enough to burn. “Give me my bloody picture!”

“Ooh, someone’s feisty,” Nolan went on, eyeing (F/N) as though she’d found a new plaything. Or, that her current plaything had a previously undiscovered feature. “I wonder what you’d do if I dropped it …”

“I would flay you and you know it,” hissed (F/N), like an angry cat. If she had a tail it would be flicking furiously from side to side. She was grateful that her words carried just enough malice to convince Nolan that any threats she made from that point onwards were serious.

“Well then, maybe I _won’t_ drop it, but I will hang on to it,” Nolan said, raising her eyebrows as if she was the one with the upper hand. She turned away as if to examine the picture more closely. “Say, your parents are very good-looking, Castor. Shame you didn’t turn out that way …”

Now that her back was half-turned, the temptation to punch Nolan in the kidneys was overwhelming. (F/N) didn’t say anything. Lily, Severus and Haydn looked on in horror.

“Oh, they must be so disappointed in you …” Nolan jeered. “… to see that their daughter turned out to be such a dorky, greasy …”

“ _I WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT THEY MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT BECAUSE THEY’RE DEAD!_ ” (F/N) screamed, suddenly unable to contain herself. A powerful gust of wind ripped through the courtyard, whipping everyone’s hair back and even making a few people stumble as it caught their clothes. (F/N) stood, panting with exertion, as Lily rushed over just in time to hug her and stop her face from crumpling. She hadn’t wanted anyone else to know …

“You … you …” Lily couldn’t find the right words to throw at Nolan. Nothing she could say would make that girl flinch. Instead, she set about whispering to (F/N) that she was none of the things that Nolan had called her. (F/N) glared through misty eyes at Nolan, who just kept smirking.

“Here you go, little baby,” she spat, shoving the photo back at (F/N). “Take your dead parents back to your dorm and have a little cry, why don’t you?”

Having secured a morally inferior victory, Nolan turned around and went to saunter back to her gang with her nose straight up in the air. Suddenly, though, she was on the floor, writhing in pain. She was holding the backs of her knees which, incidentally, were now her kneecaps. She’d been hit with the same spell she’d tried to use on (F/N) months before, only …

“Sev!” Lily gasped, looking over at Severus in dismay. “You’ll be in so much trouble for that!”

Severus slowly made his way over to where Lily was standing holding (F/N) tightly in her arms. (F/N) realised his lack of urgency was due to the fact that he was warding the rest of Nolan’s friends off, ensuring that they wouldn’t attack when their backs were to them. Haydn had come over too and was desperately trying to comfort (F/N).

(F/N) stared at Severus when he reached her. “You okay?” he murmured, with none of his old bitterness.

“I … I suppose so …” she whispered, suddenly unable to find her voice. She held the picture of her parents tightly against her chest, as though trying to absorb them. “Thank you, for … you know …”

“You’re welcome,”

Lily was the one to speak up, then. “Shall we get out of the courtyard?” she said, issuing a command rather than a suggestion. It had started to drizzle, after all, and the sporadic raindrops were chilly on their skin. Without waiting for agreement from the others, she ushered (F/N) inside and made straight for the Great Hall where everyone could sit together.

The four friends plonked themselves down at the Gryffindor table, and the first thing that happened was that Haydn used the Mending Charm on (F/N)’s bag, as she had done with his library book. She smiled gratefully at him before her eyes filled with tears but she did not cry. She covered her face with her hands and took great, steadying breaths.

“What was that all about?” Lily asked at last, glancing up at the enchanted ceiling and seeing that it had turned from bright blue with a few wisps of white to a dull grey with magical raindrops falling from its cold, colourless clouds. The comforting thing about a ceiling like that was that the rain, or snow, or whatever precipitation it simulated, never got anyone wet.

“They just … came down from the castle and started on us,” (F/N) said from beneath her hands. “Flipped Haydn upside-down … chased us back up to the school … then they did that,”

Lily’s voice was very calm, but her body was shaking with anger. “I hate her – I hate her so much … Bullying someone because they’re an orphan … She has to be sick in the head, she just has to be …” She trailed off, seemingly too furious to speak. (F/N) didn’t mind that she’d used the ‘O’ word; in fact, she’d hardly noticed.

“We should tell a teacher …” said Haydn meekly. He looked very shaken up by what happened.

“I can’t prove anything, though …” (F/N) sniffed, still trying not to cry.

“You have us! We’ll back you up!” Lily argued vehemently.

“But if I tattle on them they’ll only make it worse next time,”

Severus remained silent throughout the exchange, but Lily and Haydn did their best to help (F/N) feel better. Eventually they brought a smile back to her face, and she was ready to face the world again.

“Well … thanks, everyone…” said (F/N), rubbing her eyes a little. She felt like she’d gone days without sleep. “I really appreciate it,”

“We _all_ need to stick together. I’m not having any of this division anymore,” Lily said insistently. She sounded like their mother – (F/N) knew, based on her experiences of Eddie’s, that you didn’t argue with your mother when she used that tone with you. “Come on, let’s all go and get ready for dinner. They’ll start moving things around in a minute,”

Everyone got up and obediently exited the hall, making their way towards their common rooms. The three Gryffindors waved Severus off as they climbed the marble staircase and he made his way towards the dungeons, but he stopped abruptly and called (F/N) back.

“Yeah …?” she said gingerly as she approached him. His dark eyes were no longer hostile but they were still scalding as they came to rest on her.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, as though afraid that someone else might be able to hear him admitting fault.

(F/N) was shocked, not having expected such a ready apology. “I … er …” she stammered, blinking stupidly at him. “Thanks … I’m sorry too …”

Her words drifted off into silence as Severus shook his head, his eyes betraying his disbelief. “There’s nothing to blame you for, but you still apologise …” he said with a sigh. “You’re so weird …”

(F/N) looked up from where she had been staring at her shoes, giving him a questioning stare. Moments later, she noticed the smirk dancing on his lips. He was joking … Severus Snape had just made a joke …

“Guess that makes two of us then, doesn’t it?” she shot back playfully.

Severus smiled properly, looking away down the corridor as if to hide it. “I guess it does,”

“Sev …” (F/N) ventured, testing the pet name Lily used for him once more. It felt like so long since she’d used it herself. He turned to look at her again very quickly. “Why did you attack Nolan?”

He looked her up and down briefly, the very tiniest of eye movements. He seemed to be analysing her. “What she did was horrible,” he said very softly. “And when she called you ‘greasy’ I thought it was suspicious,”

(F/N)’s eyes widened. Nolan _had_ said that. And so she was the one who had been spreading rumours. Dividing their group for what was almost an entire year … and she had been too blind to see it …

“I … thought about it a bit more and it all became clear,” Severus went on in even more hushed tones. “She caused _all_ of this,”

(F/N) looked crestfallen. “We could’ve resolved this so much quicker if not for her …” she said sadly. “Do you … do you still think I’m an idiot at Potions?”

Severus smirked again. “No,” he said simply. “Nor do I think you’re like Black and Potter and the rest,”

(F/N) sighed and looked as though a huge weight had been lifted from her entire body. “Thank goodness for that …!”

“You were really that worried?”

“Of course … You’re my friend. I don’t want you to think badly of me,”

Severus seemed surprised but he didn’t mention it if he was. “I don’t think badly of you,”

The two friends, newly reconciled, went their separate ways until dinner, feeling much lighter than they had all year. For (F/N), it was a case of having the whole crew back together. For Severus, it was knowing that he hadn’t been wrong to trust someone new so easily. What neither of them realised, though, was that Lily and Haydn had been listening from around the corner and were smiling from ear to ear.


	17. Chapter 17

It was extremely warm in the dungeons while everyone’s cauldrons were bubbling away, and even warmer as the summer matured. If anyone had thought that the dark stone vaults beneath the castle would be cooler than the rest of its rooms and corridors, they were sorely mistaken.

(F/N) sat through one of the last Potions lessons of the school year wondering how in the world she might be able to make something that would create an effect similar to air conditioning … maybe if she made a potion that, if smashed on the floor, it would … but how to make the potion in the first place … she couldn’t just cast a spell for it in the middle of class …

She glanced to her left and saw that Severus was still taking notes, but when she snuck a peek at what he was writing, she was surprised to find that he was not copying what Professor Slughorn had written on the blackboard. Instead, he was making notes on what was in _her_ exercise book, and most of it was about the various extraneous effects of her experimental potions …

“What are you doing?” she whispered to him but pushing her book closer to him all the same.

Severus just looked at her, virtually expressionless, then carried on with his note-taking. He didn’t answer her until he’d finished, and until the lesson ended five minutes later.

“Copying what you’ve written,” he said, well aware that he was stating the obvious.

“I gathered that,” said (F/N), packing her books and stationery away. “Why?”

“Your notes are interesting,”

(F/N) smirked. “Interesting, as in … ‘peculiar’? As in, ‘not what we’re supposed to be writing’?”

Severus blinked at her. “No, _interesting_ , as in ‘intriguing’,”

This came as a surprise to (F/N), not least because back in the autumn he had shouted at her for being as experimental as she was. She grinned at him. “You’re not going soft on my _delinquency_ , are you?” She could have sworn that a dusting of pink settled across his pale cheekbones.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he grumbled. (F/N) wasn’t a fool, though – she could see that he was trying not to smile. “Anyway,” he said, changing the subject as they exited the classroom and re-joined Lily; she had been swept out of the room with the rest of their classmates who were dying to get out into the fresh air. “Do you think you’re ready for the exam?”

(F/N) smiled and looked at Lily. “Oh, yes. This time for sure,” she said. “And of course you’re ready for it?”

Severus simply nodded in response.

“I’m so happy you two are friends again,” Lily chirruped, giving a little skip as she walked alongside them. “ _And_ that you’re back to sitting next to each other,”

“Slughorn was getting annoyed with all the seat-swapping,” Severus said. (F/N) and Lily exchanged another glance, grinning all the more widely.

“Sure, Sev. Whatever you say,” Lily teased.

The exam fortnight came and went much quicker than last year’s, and every student was glad of it. The Great Hall was sweltering, and (F/N) swore that if she had to sit one more exam she would either melt in her seat or lose her mind. The sun shone through the large windows and cast the massive room in a serene but very warm golden light. As soon as Professor McGonagall, who was overseeing the final exam, set them free, the fresh air they breathed hit them hard like a punch in the chest.

Although they had only attended Hogwarts for two years now, (F/N), Lily and Severus made their way down to their spot by the lake, as was now their tradition. As she had the year before, (F/N) sat fully in the sun with the breeze ruffling her soft (H/C) hair, and Lily sat partly in the shade with only her legs sticking out in the sun. Severus stayed well in the shade of the tree, with his back against its gnarled trunk. This time, though, he chose not to read. When (F/N) looked back to check on her friends, she saw him staring out across the lake and its gently rippling waters.

The sun tickled (F/N)’s face, arms and legs as she sprawled on the patch of grass just before the ground turned to sand and pebbles. If she closed her eyes and listened, she could almost transport herself to another place by imagining the lake was a very calm sea. With the sun slowly warming her head, she could picture herself sitting on a blanket on a sunny beach somewhere along the coast. Occasionally, though, her daydreams were interrupted by the steady creaking of the tree leaning in the breeze and, of course, there were no trees at the beach. At least, not at any beach she’d ever been to. She’d never been anywhere with palm trees yet, or one of those beaches with wizened, wind-swept trees whose land had been usurped by sand.

She and her friends had already promised to write to each other that summer, but Lily had warned that it might take some time for letters to reach her and for her responses to return, as her family was planning a holiday in the south of France. (F/N) had made Lily swear that she would tell her all about it when they saw each other afterwards and tell her as much as she could in her letters. She also wondered how Severus was going to manage without her for two weeks.

The journey back to London on the train was a quick one; the time flew by like it was late for an appointment of its own, but (F/N) did not regret it. As much as she would miss her friends, and Hogwarts, the year had been far more exhausting than she’d expected and she was looking forward to the six-week summer holidays, during which she could simply amble through the days doing whatever she pleased. Of course, there was always the added bonus of being with Auntie Beth again, and Eddie.

Her aunt was already there at the station, waiting for her on the other side of the magical barrier with a trolley for her trunk and Cicero’s cage. (F/N) looked at the little owl with a look of sympathy, knowing the long journeys he would soon be making over the summer. He gazed back at her with a distinctly unperturbed expression, as if he knew what she was thinking but simply wasn’t fazed. (F/N) marvelled at the creature’s unflappable nature.

That summer, (F/N) filled Auntie Beth in on all of the things that had happened since Christmas. She was aghast at Nolan’s bullying, and seemed ready to find out where the girl lived and march straight over there to “have a word”. (F/N) knew that her aunt would have preferred to punch Nolan in the teeth, though – just as she would. A week or so into the holidays, (F/N) received her exam results (because the school had apparently thought to send them during the holidays rather than tell the students at the end of the year) and, seeing how good they were, Auntie Beth decided this was cause for a proper treat and took (F/N) and Eddie down to Cawsand Bay that weekend.

(F/N) had garnered some strange looks from a couple of other beachgoers while sitting on the sands for real, remembering how she’d imagined herself here while relaxing by the lake. Cicero had fluttered down from the cloudless cerulean sky, dropping a letter in her lap and proceeded to burrow his way beneath her beach towel for shelter against the surprisingly hot English sun. She wasn’t surprised that people were staring; an owl had just swooped down, in the middle of the day and the blazing heat.

(F/N) looked and saw what she counted to be Severus’ fourth letter to her so far and couldn’t help thinking that he was writing to her an awful lot, now. Not that she was complaining, of course. She wondered if it had anything to do with their falling-out during the school year, or whether it was because he was without Lily, his usual half-term companion.

She wouldn’t be able to write her reply just yet, but (F/N) was already thinking about what she would say. Severus’ letters, while greater in number than they had been in the past, still exhibited a good deal of reservation and it was clear that Severus still didn’t like to give too much away if he could help it, but (F/N) was just glad that he _wanted_ to speak to her. Eddie asked a lot of questions about the correspondence, though …

“What, is he obsessed with you or something?” he sniggered, but (F/N) detected a definite hint of grumpiness. Probably because he didn’t have her undivided attention …

She snorted with incredulity before responding, “Not bloody likely! No, he’s the one I fell out with before Christmas. We’re friends again,”

“Oh,” Eddie looked a little foolish as she put him right. “Oh. I’m glad …”

A wicked thought came to (F/N)’s mind, then, and Eddie watched as her expression changed from mostly neutral to mischievous in the space of about a second. “What about you and that girl, Daisy? Friends yet?”

Eddie recoiled in horror, leaning back in the sand so much that he nearly rolled onto the sandcastle he’d just built. “Like hell …” he muttered. “She’s taken to doodling in my exercise books now …”

(F/N) let out a bark of laughter, but the wind caught her voice and carried it out to sea so that she barely heard herself. Cicero jumped a little under her towel, though. “Haven’t you tried telling her to stop?”

Eddie gave her a look as if to say that hers had been the stupidest question he’d ever heard. “Duh. Of course I have,” he grumped. “And I can’t _believe_ my parents work with hers …”

“They _what_?!” (F/N) gasped, whooping with more peals of laughter. “Oh, this just keeps getting better …!”

“If anything about this whole situation is funny, it’s _not_ that!” Eddie protested, sulkily folding his arms. The wind blew his hair about his face as if an invisible hand was flicking it about in an attempt to annoy him. “Mum and Dad say that I’d do well to get along with her. “ _Who knows …_ ” – he said, doing a masterful impression of his mother – “ _… one of these days you might end up where we are …”_

(F/N) stared at him, her face still alight with amusement. Behind Eddie, she could see Auntie Beth coming back with ice-creams which they hadn’t expected at all. She stood up to go to her aunt’s aid; she only had two hands for three ice-creams, after all.

“As if I’d want to follow in their footsteps … Bah!” Eddie exclaimed, backhanding a lightly-packed mound of sand beside to him. Sand went everywhere, especially, it seemed, onto (F/N)’s towel.

(F/N) rolled her eyes but couldn’t help the renewed delight of her smile. “I’m just going to help my aunt. I’ll leave you to your sulking for a moment,”

Eddie watched her go from over his shoulder and instantly wished (F/N) had gone to school with him rather than to Hogwarts, but he was pleased for her. At least _she_ was where she belonged. Eddie wasn’t sure where he belonged – he didn’t think he belonged anywhere but the circus.

He glanced downwards, and saw Cicero peeking disapprovingly at him from under the white-and-blue striped beach towel, his beady yellow eyes indicating his lack of appreciation of the full face of sand he’d just been treated to.

When (F/N) came back with Auntie Beth with the ice-creams, however, everything improved tenfold. Eddie forgot all about how irritating he found Daisy and, indeed, school in general, and remembered how to enjoy himself. (F/N)’s thoughts often wandered back to Hogwarts and what next year would bring, but quickly dragged herself back to the here and now; there would be plenty of time for school when it started again in September.

For now, all she could do was laze about and see the magic that existed everywhere in the non-magical world.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another mega-long one for you lovely people ... I’m so sorry! XD

(F/N) couldn’t decide whether she had been more excited at the beginning of her first year at Hogwarts or her third. She had been sent another letter to tell her that she had been accepted onto her elective courses, which were Care of Magical Creatures, Divination and Study of Ancient Runes, and enclosed she had found a new list of books and equipment to acquire from Diagon Alley.

Now she sat in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express with Severus, Lily and Haydn, leafing through her Ancient Runes textbook for the third time since purchasing it, trying desperately hard not to bounce in her seat. Haydn, who was sitting next to her, occasionally leaned across to read over her shoulder. (F/N) didn’t mind.

“Are you taking this class too, Haydn?” she asked eagerly. She already knew that she and Lily were taking the same subjects, as was Severus, only he had opted for Arithmancy over Ancient Runes – apparently he was more mathematically minded than they were.

“Oh, no …” said Haydn, shaking his woolly blond head. “I’m only taking nine subjects but I’m also doing a couple of the extracurricular ones …”

(F/N) raised her eyebrows in interest, pulling her nose out of her book. “Oh yeah? Which ones?”

“Ghoul Studies – to go with DADA – and Xylomancy …”

(F/N) and Lily shared a look that told them that they were just as confused as each other. “Xylomancy?” said Lily.

“Yeah,” said Haydn nervously. “Both classes are to help with other subjects … Professor Moran, you know, the Divination teacher … I saw him not long before the summer and asked him about it. He said it would do me good to look into Xylomancy …”

(F/N) was nodding along as Haydn spoke. “And Ghoul Studies?” she asked.

Haydn gave her a sheepish grin. “You can never have too much help with Defence Against the Dark Arts …”

(F/N) thought that the journey to Hogwarts was taking longer than usual and purposely, at that. She kept looking out of the window at the scenery around the train, saturated in colour by the long, hot summer the country had just endured, and craning her head to see if they were anywhere near the castle yet.

“You know, you’d think after all the journeys back and forth we’ve made so far, you’d realise we’ve still got a fair distance left to go,” chuckled Lily. She’d been excited as ever to see (F/N) upon their reunion, but (F/N) could tell immediately that something about her best friend had changed. She was more … serene, somehow. She was much calmer when she spoke, for one thing.

“I know, I know …” said (F/N), dismissing the silent joke in Lily’s voice. “I’m really excited … I can’t wait to start these new subjects …”

“Which one are you looking forward to the most?” said Lily, grinning. She knew what she would say.

“You can’t expect me to choose just _one_ ,” (F/N) sighed, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear and looking at Lily in a put-out sort of way.

“No, go on!” Lily pushed, laughing at her. (F/N) couldn’t help but smile. “I’ll tell you mine …”

“Divination,” said (F/N) instantly. “Aside from Charms and Potions, it’s the subject you’ve been looking forward to the most,”

Lily stared at (F/N) with green eyes blown wide. As soon as she she got over the initial shock, realising (F/N) probably knew her better than anyone, she smirked. “Yeah, but we _have_ to do Charms and Potions …”

“They’re still your favourites,” (F/N) pointed out. “But I was right, wasn’t I? The class you’re most looking forward to is Divination,”

Lily grinned. “Only to see if I can find out anything interesting about the future,” she said.

Severus snorted incredulously; _he_ was only taking Divination because he didn’t want to take Muggle Studies and he felt that, while he was more than capable of handling the workload, taking eleven subjects was perhaps one too many. Anyway, he was more than content with taking ten, and if he wanted to pick up some extra subjects in his last two years at Hogwarts he would.

“Everything all right there, Sev?” (F/N) asked, glancing across the carriage at him.

“Mm,” he murmured, nodding nonchalantly. “Wasn’t it Professor McGonagall who said that Divination is “one of the most imprecise branches of magic”?”

It was (F/N)’s turn to smile awkwardly. “Yes, but … I think it’s quite interesting. I mean, you’re taking Divination and Arithmancy …”

“Because I have to,”

(F/N) raised an eyebrow at him. “You did _not_ have to inflict Arithmancy on yourself,”

Severus leaned back in his seat, inhaling deeply. He looked marginally bigger as he did so, almost inflating himself. “I’m surprised you _didn’t_ take Arithmancy,” he said. “It pairs nicely with Divination,”

“Maybe so, but I’m not as good with numbers as I’d like,” (F/N) explained, although she felt sure that she already had, at some point. “I only really work with them when I absolutely have to,”

Severus seemed to accept this and didn’t consider it a mere excuse, as he normally might have. He dropped that part of the conversation, but Lily was the one to turn it back to Divination.

“You said you only took Divination because you didn’t fancy the other options, didn’t you?” she said, looking straight at him. His long black hair mostly obscured his face on either side, so much so that looking at him properly required a seat opposite.

“I don’t really see myself reading Ancient Runes, although I could study that on the side …”

That was the first time (F/N) had heard him say anything that was remotely like her own day-to-day thoughts. She had considered him to be very much like her in terms of scholarliness, probably even more so, but she’d never heard him _talk_ about his study habits …

“… and there’s no point taking Muggle Studies,”

That was true, (F/N) thought. She personally hadn’t chosen to take Muggle Studies because she’d been raised with a Muggle best friend and her aunt, who also wasn’t magical – she, like her friends, thought her knowledge of the Muggle world was probably sufficient. It was very obvious why Lily hadn’t chosen Muggle Studies: she was Muggle-born. Severus’ father was a Muggle, so it stood to reason that he wouldn’t bother to study that subject either. Haydn, too, had stayed out of that class but he told them there had been quite a few takers elsewhere in their year.

“Saint and Warr are taking Muggle Studies,” said Haydn quietly, as though scared he was going to get bitten for speaking out. “So are the Khans. I think I heard that Nolan is as well, because she thinks it’ll be an easy class …”

“That makes _so_ much sense,” Lily growled. She was still furious with Nolan for the anguish she’d caused (F/N) at the end of last year. “Don’t tell me she’s taking Divination then … I’ve heard people saying that’s a ‘soft’ option, too,”

Severus quietly agreed, but everyone else knew what his opinion was anyway. Haydn simply shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t want Nolan to be in their class either, given how she’d dangled him upside down above the lawn not so long ago. Maybe if they were in Divination together, they’d be able to see any potential attacks coming their way …

(F/N) gave Haydn a nervous look, wondering if he was still worried about what happened before. She hated Nolan more than ever, but more so for the fact that she’d terrorised her friends on more than one occasion … _each._

They soon put thoughts of their bullies out of their mind, thankful for the fact they wouldn’t even have time to think about them once they arrived at school. Or, if they were to consider what they were faced with from a different and more accurate angle, there would be far more to interest themselves with upon their return – far more interesting than the childish affairs of the likes of Nolan and the Marauders.

(F/N) still thought it amusing how everyone called them that, even now …

The majority of the journey was peaceful and uneventful. (F/N) lost herself in staring out of the window at the shifting scenery, noticing how the towns and villages and even the farms they passed grew fewer and far between. The weather didn’t seem to know what it was doing anymore; sometime after the lunch trolley came by, the sky had become a blanket of darkest leaden grey, threatening heavy rain, but somewhere the sun insisted on shining merrily. It made the fields seem a much brighter green, and the few birds (F/N) saw were so white in the phantom sun that they contrasted sharply with the deep grey clouds.

The clatter of the tracks below the train lulled (F/N) into a sort of trance, inducing a surprisingly sleepy state despite her excitement. She tried to busy herself with the textbook she’d brought with her but, in the process of retrieving it from her bag, she noticed how all of her friends were sitting back with their heads resting lazily on the compartment walls. They all looked a little tired. Maybe it was because of the lighting, and the fact that it was warmer than usual.

Further north still, the countryside had fallen into the clutches of late afternoon and the wind had picked up, buffeting the cars with great, jostling gusts. It seemed they were in for a very breezy first term, and it made (F/N) wonder how the first Quidditch match of the season would turn out.

“Does Quidditch interest you, then?” said Lily when (F/N) mentioned it, just as the lanterns came on all along the train. The sky remained densely cloudy, so they knew the evening was going to be a very dark one indeed.

“I suppose,” said (F/N) honestly. She and her friends hadn’t been to very many matches, but she couldn’t deny that there was something attractive about soaring through the air at high speed on a broomstick, the wind in your hair, the cheers of the crowd …

“What position would you play?” Lily asked, a small grin playing on her lips. The boys seemed to want to know the answer to that, too.

(F/N) felt very put on the spot, but shrugged her shoulders and said, “I wouldn’t really mind. Do you see me actually _playing_ Quidditch, though?”

“Maybe,” said Lily, her grin widening as the train began to slow. “I can see you being the sort of person who would _want_ to fly,”

(F/N) chuckled, glancing the boys. “We’ll see,” she said.

The Hogwarts Express pulled noisily into Hogsmeade Station, and as (F/N) glanced out of the window one last time she saw the great, looming silhouette of Hagrid waiting to usher the new first-years off towards the boats. A cloud of white steam billowed past the compartment windows as the engine came hissing to a complete standstill, and every carriage rocked forwards slightly as they stopped.

Everyone grabbed their own trunks from the overhead storage – (F/N) juggled Cicero’s cage in her other hand – and made their way, in the most orderly fashion possible, towards the nearest door. Outside, (F/N) breathed in the cool evening air; the scent of the nearby pine trees filled her with a joy only returning to the magical world could bring. Over the heads of a few small second-years, and a group of nervous-looking first-years who had only just heard Hagrid calling for them, (F/N) spotted the idling carriages waiting to take the rest of the students to the castle.

She followed Lily, Severus and Haydn to one of the carriages that didn’t have people loitering around it and climbed in, placing her trunk at her feet as the others had. The carriages, as always, appeared to be drawn by nothing but, having read several books on magical creatures now, (F/N) felt quite sure that she knew what stood between the shafts.

“Can anyone see them?” she asked aloud, forgetting herself in her curiosity. The others looked at her strangely, as if she’d suggested going for a swim in the lake. “The Thestrals, I mean,”

Lily raised an eyebrow and leaned forward in her seat, the leather groaning beneath her. “What’s a Thestral?”

(F/N) smiled a little, feeling a tad embarrassed. “I’ll take that as a no, then,” she said. “I’ve just been reading again, that’s all. They’re mentioned in one of the magizoology books I found last year, but there’s no picture,”

Lily nodded, red hair swishing about her shoulders, as though only attempting to understand. “And what made you mention them?”

“Thestrals are … mostly invisible,” said (F/N), choosing to omit the part about Thestrals only being visible to those who had witnessed death. She didn’t want to creep her friends out even more ... “Only certain people can see them. I was just wondering if anyone _could_ , because I’m pretty sure they’re the ones pulling the carriages,” she went on, just as the carriages creaked into motion.

“Rob Saint can see them,” said Haydn suddenly but very quietly, as though he didn’t really want to mention it at all. “He said something about it at the beginning of last year,”

(F/N) looked at Haydn with great interest but decided not to press him. He looked highly uncomfortable and, considering Rob was his friend and (F/N) did not know him very well herself (despite sitting with him for a spell on the train the year before) she didn’t think it entirely appropriate to ask _exactly_ why Rob could see the Thestrals.

“He said they’re winged, black horses but … their faces look like a dragon’s or something,” said Haydn nervously, as though reading (F/N)’s mind. His pale face had been set upon by the murkiness of the carriage, giving him circles under his eyes that were so dark it looked like he hadn’t slept for a month. “I think it’s a bit creepy though, the fact that we can’t see them …”

That explained Haydn’s nervousness, (F/N) thought. “I don’t think they’re aggressive,” she said reassuringly. “The Ministry says they’re dangerous, but … we’d have heard about it if someone had been attacked, wouldn’t we?”

“Maybe they’re tame,” said Lily with a very speculative look on her face. Severus said nothing, electing not to weigh in either way.

(F/N) leaned back in her seat, nodding in agreement. She knew, based on what she’d read, that the creatures were tameable. “Thanks for sharing that, Haydn,” she said, giving him a smile. “It’s nice not having to pore over books for long-sought answers,”

Haydn flashed a small, shy grin back at her. “You’re welcome,” he mumbled, looking down at his trunk.

“(F/N) Castor, trying to avoid reading for once?” Lily gasped, feigning shock as she placed a hand over her heart. “Well, I never!”

(F/N) grinned at her best friend, swaying in her seat as the carriages wound their way up the path to Hogwarts, passing between the columns topped with winged boars. “Books can only tell you so much,” she said.

The boys sat staring silently out of their slightly grubby window, heeding the girls’ conversation. Sometimes, they thought, it was easier just to listen. The castle towered above, a great, solid black shape against the ever-darkening sky. Here and there, windows blazed golden against their dusky background, giving the school some semblance of being lived in.

When all conversation had ceased, (F/N) turned to gaze out of her own window but found that all it did was make her more impatient to reach the castle. There she was, thinking she couldn’t have been more excited, working herself into a mental frenzy by wondering what lay in store for them this year.

***

This year’s Sorting went in exactly the same fashion as it always did, and each of the four houses had a lively but very nervous set of new faces. Professor Dumbledore decided that now wasn’t the time for speeches, except for the announcement of the appointment of a new school caretaker – Argus Filch, who was unkempt and looked very ill-tempered – and bade everyone dig into their feast. (F/N) and Lily talked to Cathy, Julie, Sylvie and Evelyn as they did at the beginning of every year, since they always ended up sitting very near to each other. Haydn shyly sat on (F/N)’s left and spent the meal either talking to Faizan Khan or (F/N) when he got the chance.

Afterwards, everyone made their way to their common rooms as usual. The first-years walked separately from the other students, following a Prefect and talking among themselves. (F/N) looked over the heads of the first-years, not having realised that she had grown enough to do so, and spotted Barnaby leading the new Gryffindors to Gryffindor Tower. She and Lily hung back a bit, determined not to be swept along with all the other people in their house, preferring instead to walk at their own pace. Those they’d sat with at the start-of-term feast ambled along some distance behind.

“I can’t believe it’s Barnaby’s last year,” said (F/N) wistfully. She hadn’t had cause to go to him for anything in particular but seeing his face about the school had become the norm and she was finding it hard to think what it would be like without him. Sometimes it was comforting just hearing his voice ringing out to his fellow Gryffindors. There were other Prefects, of course, but he was the one you were most likely to see in the corridors.

“I know, it’ll be strange next year …” said Lily, falling into step with (F/N) as they started up the staircase. “Still, I thought he was older than he is. When we got here, I mean. I thought he was already in his last year,”

(F/N) knew what she meant. She had thought Barnaby might have been in Lucius Malfoy’s year, at least.

When they reached the Fat Lady’s portrait, the Gryffindors found out that the new password was ‘Coddiwomple’. “I swear these passwords get weirder and weirder every year,” Lily chortled. “Coddiwomple this year, Widdershins last …”

“Horse Feathers,” (F/N) added, reminding her of the password they’d had during their first year. Thankfully there had been no reason to change the password halfway through any of the years so far.

They all stepped through the now-open hole in the wall into the warmth of the Gryffindor common room. Every time she did so, (F/N) felt the homely essence of the place seeping into her soul. Instantly, a wave of tiredness washed over her and her mind wandered upstairs to where her bed stood waiting with its soft pillows and warm covers …

“Well, I’ll see you lot tomorrow,” said Sylvie from somewhere behind (F/N). She yawned widely, bringing sleepy tears to her brown eyes. “We’ve probably got a long day ahead of us,”

(F/N) and her roommates agreed and followed Sylvie to the staircase that led to the dormitories. Sylvie turned in for the night at one door while the other five girls kept going until they reached their room. (F/N) was extremely glad to be back and went straight to throw on her pyjamas before plopping onto the bed with a muffled thud. Somewhere off to her side she heard Lily chuckle.

“Someone’s tired,” she said.

“You sound tired, too,” said (F/N), although her voice was suppressed by her face being buried in the duvet.

Lily retired to her bed shortly after, and hardly any more talk reached (F/N)’s ears after she pulled the drapes around her bed. She slept deeply, dreaming of much more than just dragons wheeling in the sky overhead … this time, a great golden one with eyes of sapphire sat lazily with its bulk resting against a large oak tree, sipping from a teacup and asking her to join it … its idea of “little sandwiches” were dragon-sized, but the teacups were fit for human hands.

When she woke up the next morning, it was to a great deal of confusion as to why she might have had such a peculiar dream, given she wasn’t prone to having dreams of a particularly wacky nature. She dressed and sat waiting on her bed for Lily to stir, reading as though waiting at the dentist.

Lily eventually woke and was already facing (F/N)’s bed when her green eyes popped open. She smirked and sighed at once. “Some things never change, do they?”

“Well, good morning to you too,” sniggered (F/N) from behind her book, without looking up. She heard Lily roll lazily out of bed and pad across the room to her trunk, where she grabbed her uniform and threw it on. (F/N) glanced up when she knew Lily was done; she marvelled at how she could dress so haphazardly and still look nice. She wished she could get away with it, but no – _she_ actually had to try.

Lily brushed out her long, dark red hair and finally flopped down onto her bed again. She stared at (F/N), who seemed oblivious to the attention for a moment. Sun streamed through the nearby window, and Lily’s attention was drawn by the flecks of dust swirling about in the sunbeam like powdered gold. (F/N) looked up at last, realising Lily appeared to be waiting for her.

“Sorry!” she said, snapping the book shut and leaping up. “Shall we go and get some breakfast?”

Lily grinned. “I didn’t think mealtimes could come between you and your books,” she said, standing up again. Both girls looked exactly the same from the shoulders down – their uniforms were pristine and orderly, and they were exactly the same height; if looking at them from the front anyone would think they had cloned their bodies and swapped their heads as one might with a pair of dolls.

 _“Like two peas in a pod,”_ (F/N) remembered Professor Flitwick saying, once. Neither of the girls had been surprised; they’d been joined at the hip since Day One.

They made their way to the Great Hall, their footsteps echoing in the mostly-empty corridors and the scent of delicious food wafting through the air to their noses. Despite it being the first day of term, there were very few people out and about yet. Even Peeves, the school poltergeist, was nowhere to be seen (although he always – very kindly – left (F/N) and Lily alone). Once inside the hall, with the pearly morning sky shifting almost imperceptibly above, the girls found some seats at the Gryffindor table and settled in. Lily pulled a plate of toast towards her while (F/N) helped herself to cornflakes and a glass of orange juice. The hall began to steadily fill with students and (F/N) soon realised that she and Lily had actually arrived a good deal earlier than usual.

(F/N) glanced over at the doors and watched as a group of Ravenclaws entered the hall followed by a large group of Slytherins. At the front of those Slytherins was none other than Nolan; (F/N) had been quite glad to see very little of her the evening before. Behind her entourage walked Severus with a couple of other Slytherin boys, who (F/N) knew were friends of his but whom he actually seemed to spend less time with than with her and Lily.

To (F/N)’s relief, Nolan didn’t seem to be bothered about picking on anyone that morning. She was as annoyingly immaculate as ever but there was the definite suggestion of fatigue about her as she did her best to flounce over to the Slytherin table.

“I can’t wait to see our new timetables!” Lily rhapsodised, jiggling a little on the bench, and drawing (F/N)’s attention back from the Slytherins. Haydn, who was sitting several feet away, looked up from his porridge with a look that was a mixture of curiosity and mild concern – apparently Lily’s enthusiasm was a little too exorbitant for that hour. 

“I’m looking forward to it as well,” said (F/N), although she hadn’t the heart to tell Lily that she was, in reality, dreading discovering which classes they were doomed to share with Nolan. Eventually, Professor McGonagall came along the Gryffindor table handing everyone their timetables, breaking the suspense.

(F/N) looked up as she heard somebody groan; Haydn had obviously spotted something he was less than pleased with and (F/N), not having read her timetable properly yet, leaned across the table to talk to him.

“You all right, there?” she asked.

Haydn glanced up with mournful eyes. “See how many classes we have with the Slytherins? It’s like they’re _inviting_ them to tease us,”

(F/N) remained quiet as she listened to Haydn’s plaintive grievances. She looked down at her own timetable and saw that he was right, there _were_ several classes they would be sharing with the Slytherins, although a few had setups where all four houses appeared to be in the subject together. (F/N) supposed this was because too few people had opted for those subjects overall and so the classes had just been filled with whoever wanted to study them.

(F/N) wasn’t too bothered about the Slytherins, though. After all, there was always Severus. Edith was also nice to talk to, when Nolan wasn’t breathing down her neck and silently threatening violence if she so much as looked at a Gryffindor.

“Looks like they’re throwing us in at the deep end,” said (F/N) thoughtfully, musing over her timetable. When Lily gave her a puzzled look, (F/N) elaborated by pointing at that day and saying, “Double Transfiguration,”

“Yeah, but you like McGonagall. Surely you aren’t dreading it?” said Lily.

“No, no!” said (F/N), realising Lily had misunderstood. “You know I like Transfiguration. I was just saying it’s quite a heavy start to the year,”

Lily grinned. “Okay, yeah. I get that completely,”

Transfiguration for the Gryffindors was to be split with the Ravenclaws, which made for quite a studious dynamic in McGonagall’s classroom. Of course, there were the usual jokers – Black and Potter – and occasionally McGonagall had to tell Julie and Cathy to stop chatting at the back, but other than that most people paid close attention to the lesson and made it through the lecture on Animagi, with plenty of notes by the end to help with their first stack of homework.

On their way to Potions after break-time – most of which had been spent loitering in the breezy courtyard – Severus joined them from wherever he’d been all morning; neither Lily nor (F/N) liked to press for information on where he and the Slytherins he was ‘friendly’ with liked to hang out, or on what they talked about. Lily had hinted before that she was concerned about Severus because what she _had_ overheard was that they were all deeply interested in the Dark Arts.

Still, she put that to one side as she greeted him. (F/N) also gave him a smile.

“Had a good morning?” asked Lily as they walked towards the dungeons, their footsteps echoing across the stone corridor.

Severus inclined his head slightly as though to indicate it hadn’t been a bad one, at least. (F/N) supposed that any morning spent in the absence of Potter, Black and the rest had to be one of the better ones.

The rest of the walk was quiet, except for the moment Nolan’s gang came elbowing their way through – Moseley nearly tripped Lily and Nolan herself barged so hard into (F/N) she fell into a nearby statue.

“They’re menaces, all of them …” growled (F/N), glaring after them as they swaggered away down the corridor. She knew it wouldn’t be long before Nolan did something like that.

“That’s one word for them …” said Lily, checking her shoes for scuffs. “I wish they’d just leave us alone,”

(F/N) sighed loudly and rolled her eyes. “But they’d never do that, would they?” she muttered, just loud enough to be heard. “Their lives are too boring without involving themselves in other people’s,”

Severus made a low, soft noise that sounded very much like agreement. Lily nodded too.

They continued on to Potions and divided into lines for their own houses. On both sides there was a lot of jeering; Potter and Black were booing and hissing at Severus while Pettigrew guffawed and Lupin did his best to look as vacant as possible; Nolan, Moseley and the rest were sneering – mostly at (F/N) – and taunting her as they stood opposite. Good-natured Professor Slughorn had a job to call attention to himself as he appeared at the door.

“Simmer down, now!” he called, almost at a bellow. Everyone turned to face him, not having realised he was there. “File into the classroom – _quietly_ – and open your books to page sixty,”

They did as they were told, sitting down as quickly as possible, and nobody said another word. (F/N), who still sat next Severus, glanced at him briefly. He looked back for just a moment and widened his eyes almost imperceptibly, a sign that he thought the situation outside had been a bit of a fiasco.

(F/N) decided there and then that she would follow every instruction to the letter that lesson, so as to avoid giving Nolan another reason to poke fun at her. It was irritating enough being able to feel the silly girl’s eyes boring into the back of her head when she _wasn’t_ doing anything ‘different’.

Her attempts to abide by the recipe still drew Slughorn’s attention, however, and although he was pleased with how (F/N)’s potion turned out, Nolan certainly wasn’t and hounded her all the way to their first Care of Magical Creatures lesson.

(F/N) kept her eyes ahead as they made their way down the sloping lawns between the castle and the Forest. Lily was chatting away about something, but (F/N) wasn’t sure what as to listen to Lily would unfortunately allow Nolan’s heckling to permeate the conversation.

The meeting point for the class had been specified on posters stuck to every house’s common room noticeboard and so the they all hastened there to find that Professor Kettleburn was already waiting for them. At first glance he was quite terrifying to behold; one of his legs was quite clearly made of wood and one of his hands had been replaced with a claw. However, once they looked past the unconvincing prosthetics, and the eyepatch he wore, they noticed that Kettleburn actually wore a very jovial and enthusiastic smile.

“Welcome!” he cried, holding his arms wide as though inviting the class for a group hug. “Welcome to your first Care of Magical Creatures lesson. Are we all here? Can you all hear me? Good,”

A few Slytherins sniggered somewhere from the back and a couple of the Gryffindors appeared a tad bewildered, but as soon as the introduction was out of the way and Kettleburn was motioning for them all to follow him into the trees, everyone seemed keen to find out what their first lesson would be about.

“Now, I thought I’d start you off with something small … but exciting!” Kettleburn called back as he wended his way through the trees. (F/N) was suddenly caught off-guard by Lily grabbing her by the sleeve in an attempt to stop herself from falling.

“Are you all right?” she said, pulling Lily up. Severus had stopped, forcing the people behind them to walk around him.

“Yeah … I think so … Just twisted my ankle, that’s all. There are such thick roots everywhere,”

“Hang on,” said (F/N), removing her wand from her robes. “Stand still …” She held Lily at arm’s length, making sure she was far enough away but that she still had the support to stand. She pointed her wand at Lily’s ankle and said, “Episkey,”

Lily winced at the hot-then-cold sensation the spell caused, then put her foot down properly. The pain was gone. “Thanks!” she gasped, looking up at (F/N) with big, green eyes. “Did Flitwick teach us that one? I don’t remember it …”

“No, I just saw it somewhere in the library,” said (F/N) with a grin. “Come on, we need to catch up,”

She darted off after their classmates, springing over roots and fallen trees as effortlessly as a deer running through the forest. Even knowing how (F/N) had grown up in a rural area, neither Lily nor Severus had expected her to be quite so at home here.

When they reconvened with the class, they were all standing around what appeared to be a great lump of precious ore … on legs. On closer inspection, (F/N) recognised it to be a Fire Crab when its head swivelled around to look at her. Its colourful, bejewelled shell glittered in the rays of sunlight streaming through the leafy canopy, and its bright black eyes surveyed the students almost thoughtfully.

“Okay, now that we’re all here …” said Professor Kettleburn, his good eye sweeping over the class. “Who can tell me what this fellow is?”

“Fire Crab,” said someone to (F/N)’s right. She had managed to get Haydn, Sylvie and Evelyn to budge up so that she, Lily and Severus could join the crowd and see the creature properly.

“Correct!” said Kettleburn, grinning wider still. “Is there anyone who knows a little bit about Fire Crabs, perhaps?”

Lily nudged (F/N) in the ribs, much harder than she probably intended to, and so (F/N)’s hand shot up in the air as though on reflex. “Fire Crabs are native to Fiji,” she said, when Kettleburn turned to her. “When they perceive danger, they can shoot flames from their rear and are listed as a protected species because of the value placed on their shells; there are, or were, wizards who would use them as cauldrons and Muggles who covet the jewels,”

“Excellent _,_ just _excellent_!” cheered Kettleburn, clapping his real and artificial hands together. “Ten points to Gryffindor, Miss …?”

“Castor, sir,”

“Ah … You wouldn’t happen to be Magnus’ daughter, would you?”

She blushed and nodded, looking down at her feet. “Y-yes …”

“Oho!” said Kettleburn, smiling more than ever. “I see the resemblance, now. He was very good at this subject, too … One of my best students, actually,”

(F/N) cracked a smile at Kettleburn as he reminisced about her father. She hadn’t thought that he might have taught him; it didn’t even cross her mind very often that her parents had walked the very same halls as her. She glanced at Lily who was smiling proudly at her.

As Kettleburn started explaining Fire Crabs to the class in greater detail, telling them about their diets and so on, (F/N)’s attention was suddenly drawn by the very smallest of disruptions a short way down the line gathered in front of the Fire Crab. Nolan and her friends, minus Edith, were chortling away to themselves about something that was clearly very funny. Noticing that (F/N) was at least paying them a little attention, Lily nudged her again – this time very gently with her shoulder – and said, “Please don’t pay them any mind …”

Obviously she’d heard something that (F/N) hadn’t, but as she returned her focus to Kettleburn and the brightly-coloured creature before them, she heard what sounded like someone struggling to contain their laughter, laughter caused by disbelief if that person saying “ _Pfft_!” was anything to go by.

“Excuse me …” said Kettleburn, gazing at the culprits with a less-than-amused expression. “Please pay attention. Fire Crabs can be extremely volatile, and I’m _trying_ to give you all the best chance of not having your skin scorched off when you pet this one,”

“Yuck! Who would want to pet that ugly old lump?” sneered Nolan, and one of her friends – probably Moseley – screeched with laughter. Kettleburn looked affronted, but that was nothing compared to the vibes that (F/N) was now getting from the crab itself. Of course, it couldn’t truly understand what had been said, but it certainly did seem nervous and, (F/N) fancied, offended. She strode forward, breaking the line, and marched quietly up to the creature who looked at her as though it had never seen a person so close-up.

(F/N) heard Lily squeak behind her and turned to look as she sat herself down in the grass, six or seven feet from the crab. “Lil … You heard what the professor said the crab likes to eat. D’you wanna grab some and come and sit by me?”

Lily’s eyes widened so much that (F/N) thought they would pop but she did as she’d been asked. She came back with a sack of food (the location of which Kettleburn had been gesticulating towards during his lecture) and settled herself in the grass beside (F/N). There was a lot of muttering from the class, most of it inquisitive, and Kettleburn appeared dumbstruck by what he was seeing.

(F/N) took a handful of pellets from the sack Lily brought and offered them, palm up, to the Fire Crab. It sniffed the air for just a moment, then wiggled its behind as though about to fire up. (F/N) tensed but held her ground, remaining perfectly still as she waited for the creature to come to her. When the crab still seemed unsure, (F/N) made a series of low, quick clicking noises with her tongue. The crab observed her a moment longer, then trundled through the grass to take the food from her hand.

Smiling uncontrollably, (F/N) looked up to see Kettleburn staring wide-eyed and slightly slack-jawed. She then glanced at Lily and saw her gawping at her too. The crab didn’t seem to care, though, and nestled itself into the grass with one of its sides pressed snugly against (F/N)’s crossed legs. She reached out with a careful hand and gently stroked the crab’s scaly head – it made a very low grumbling sound, almost as if it were purring.

“How …?” Lily gasped, watching as the creature tried to fall asleep on (F/N).

“He just needs a bit of care and respect,” said (F/N), shrugging her shoulders while continuing to pet the crab who, incidentally, looked much more like a tortoise. “I don’t see what’s so ugly about him,” she added with a definite growl in her voice.

“C-can I?” Lily stammered.

(F/N) looked at her, surprised. “Of course you can. He wouldn’t have come near me if he wasn’t comfortable with you,”

Lily’s green eyes twinkled as she reached into the bag of food in front of her, offering the crab some of the stuff first, and then, after he took it, she reached out as well and petted his head. She giggled.

“Oh, he really isn’t bad at all, is he?” she said, smiling at the happy crab who was now trying to nudge her hand, asking for more affection.

“Not at all,” said (F/N). “They’re normally a bit more hostile than this, though,”

“Well,” said Kettleburn, his eyes briefly scanning the class before turning back to (F/N) and Lily. “ _This_ one is normally a bit more hostile. If I’m not mistaken, this creature likes you rather a lot, Miss Castor,”

That brought another enormous grin to her face. Lily noted the obvious sparkle in her eyes and the colour that was high in her cheeks.

“Miss Castor … and, of course, Miss …?”

“Evans, sir,” said Lily.

“Ah, yes, yes …!” said Kettleburn, clearly all of a dither in his excitement. “Perhaps you ladies might be able to keep our little Fire Crab here nice and calm and happy while the others study him, and maybe get him to let them feed or pet him without burning anyone …?”

His words came out in such a rush that neither (F/N) nor Lily, nor indeed many of their classmates, really knew where to begin, but (F/N) supposed that a good place to start would be to smile, nod, and stay put in the grass while the crab snuggled into her leg.

The class halved itself and, while one group resigned itself to making notes and drawing the Fire Crab, the others went ahead with interacting with it. (F/N) took great delight in coaxing her classmates, encouraging them to approach the crab and advising them on how best to approach it. After about half an hour the two groups swapped and the people who had been making notes now came forward, anxious for an opportunity to do something practical.

It was a while before (F/N) realised that she hadn’t seen any of their closest friends come forward yet. She looked around and saw that Haydn, Sylvie and Evelyn were standing a little bit closer, apparently awaiting their turns, but were still a reasonable distance away because Potter and Black seemed to have bustled their way up the queue ahead of them. (F/N) looked around for Severus, too, and saw him idling at the foot of one of the larger trees in the clearing. He was staring at the pages of his exercise book, quill in hand, but his dark eyes snapped upwards faster than (F/N) anticipated and locked onto her, burning with an intensity she had never seen before. She was forced to look away, despite Severus’ expression not having been a negative one.

Eventually, Potter and Black had taken their turns – Black had almost been bitten and Potter, (F/N) was sure, was about three seconds away from being set alight – and it was finally time for (F/N)’s friends to try. Haydn was very nervous, as usual, but he soon calmed down enough to give a few pellets to the crab. Evelyn was also a little anxious, but she convinced herself to pet the crab in considerably less time than Haydn. Sylvie was much more confident, taking (F/N)’s recommendations immediately; (F/N) was sure that if Sylvie had wanted to sit with them then, the crab would have been quite happy in her company.

Finally, Severus approached them where they were sitting and looked down at the creature. He seemed unsure but having watched nearly everybody else coming to feed or pet the Fire Crab – Nolan and her gang were adamant that he was probably too feral and dirty to be safe to touch – he knelt down in front of (F/N) and Lily and waited for the crab to become accustomed to him.

“That’s it …” said (F/N) reassuringly. “Right … just take a handful of food, hold it in your palm facing up, and let him do the rest. I expect he’ll be getting quite full now …”

Severus remained silent but did as (F/N) said. He wasn’t as wary as Haydn had been, but he was certainly being very cautious. Despite his tentativeness, the Fire Crab was quick to gobble up the rest of the food and was soon waiting for his complimentary pat on the head. When Severus obliged, he looked (F/N) straight in the eyes again. This time she wasn’t sure where to look.

After class, Kettleburn called (F/N) and Lily back to thank them for their assistance in the lesson – although it gave him very little to do in the way of supervision of his students – and awarded them another twenty house points. Their other friends stood a short distance away and smiled as they approached.

“Good going, (F/N) – thirty house points in one lesson!” Sylvie said.

“Thanks,” she said cheerfully. “You all did really well too,”

“Thanks to you!” said Evelyn.

“Yeah, how did you know how to make the Fire Crab so … calm?” said Haydn, looking down at (F/N) from his considerable height.

(F/N) glanced at Lily, then at Severus, both of whom looked back with just as much desire to know the answer to that question. At length, she said, “I just … _did_. I did whatever made sense at the time,”

“But how did you _know_?” asked Lily who, for although she had been sitting right next to (F/N) for the majority of the lesson, still hadn’t worked out her secret. She knew about her talent for communicating with animals but she hadn’t expected it to be like _that._

“Same way I know things about my owl, I suppose,” said (F/N). “There’s no real logic to it, I don’t think …”

Thankfully, her friends seemed to take her word for it and stopped asking questions she couldn’t answer. They made their way back through the thick forest back into the open, back up the lawns to the castle and then to the Great Hall for lunch. Severus parted ways with them, mentioning quietly to Lily and (F/N) that he would see them afterwards in Divination. (F/N) smiled – she already knew that Divination was _so_ not going to be Severus’ thing.

At lunch it was just Lily who kept pressing for information on how (F/N) had come to be so understanding of creatures. She didn’t stop until (F/N) promised once again to teach her to do it too, or at least help her if she got stuck in their Care of Magical Creatures lessons; (F/N) thought, fondly, that it was like pacifying a small child with sweets.

That afternoon, their first Divination class was held in one of the classrooms on the fourth floor. Their teacher, Professor Moran, stood out starkly in the darkened room. He looked reasonably young, with very light strawberry blond hair combed back out of his eyes of clearest sky blue; his skin was so pale that it rendered his nearly-white eyebrows almost invisible and would have made him seem to his new students to be just another of Hogwarts’ ghosts, if not for the blanket of freckles smattered like a dense galaxy over his delicate features.

The tables sitting around the room were round and draped with dark blue velvet tablecloths, and each had an ornate lantern in the centre. (F/N), Lily and Severus all chose a table and sat down, and (F/N) heard Lily gasp suddenly.

“What?” (F/N) asked.

“He’s so beautiful …” she whispered, hardly daring to raise her voice by even a decibel. (F/N) was inclined to agree with her, however, and nodded; Moran was possessed of an ethereal sort of beauty, of which she was almost envious. (F/N) couldn’t quite work out how Lily hadn’t spotted the teacher as soon as they walked in, given how very white he was compared to his dim surroundings, but she would admit that his robes looked rather ancient and blended in quite well with the aged décor, so that he looked to be of another time entirely.

As Severus and the girls took out their books and writing equipment, Moran continued to survey the room in an almost unnatural state of tranquillity as it steadily filled with students. His crystalline eyes roamed the classroom at a leisurely pace, and eventually came to rest on (F/N)’s table; those eyes seared into whoever he looked at like an ice burn, but he wore a very small, serene smile that held more than enough warmth to make up for it.

Once everyone had taken their seats, Professor Moran cast his gaze upon every table one more time before beginning his lesson.

“Good afternoon, class. It’s good to see so many new faces,” he said simply, with a soft, Irish lilt spoken in a surprisingly deep voice. (F/N) stared and so did most of the other girls; she wondered if there was such a thing as a male Veela, because this man made an extraordinarily convincing case for their existence.

The class stared, rapt, as he spoke. They all now understood why the classroom had only been darkened _slightly,_ and why there were few other things in the room that would lull them into a sufficiently relaxed state to allow their minds to wander past the boundaries of the present, and tangible. (F/N) had expected incense and colourful scented candles – much of what her aunt liked to place around the house at home – but all the class really needed was to listen to their teacher’s alarmingly hypnotic voice.

Moran lapsed into a brief introduction of his subject, saying a piece on the various methods of Divination and most especially those they would be learning in greater depth that year. Out of curiosity, (F/N) glanced around the room and noticed that even a few of the boys seemed transfixed by the professor’s voice but most appeared unimpressed by their female colleagues’ captivation. (F/N) wondered, did Professor Moran _know_ the effect he clearly had on people? She doubted it – he didn’t seem the sort to notice something that was ultimately so trivial.

That day, Moran started his new class on the reading of tea leaves and, while the rest of the class had an even number of students to each table, (F/N), Lily and Severus had only each other and so made a three-way swap of their teacups. The room tinkled with the soft clinking of china as people put the cups they were holding down to consult their textbooks, all while listening to Moran’s gentle explanations and advice.

For (F/N), the lesson flew by much too quickly. Lily had later agreed that Divination was an interesting subject and she, like many of the girls who took the subject, took delight in swooning over Professor Moran; (F/N) had already conceded the teacher’s otherworldly beauty, but preferred instead to maintain only a healthy respect for the man rather than an infatuation. Severus, on the other hand, had – very predictably, in (F/N)’s opinion – expressed distaste for the entire subject and, like most of the male population of Hogwarts, simply couldn’t determine the reason behind the girls’ adoration of Moran.

“Give it time, Sev,” said Lily, with a little exasperation disguised poorly in her voice. “That was just the first lesson. You might enjoy it as we really get into it,”

Severus’ dark and brooding expression indicated that he certainly didn’t think Lily was right on this occasion. (F/N) smiled to herself as she walked alongside them both, heading back to the hall for dinner.

Despite the Marauders _and_ the ‘Bandits’ – as (F/N) and Lily still liked to facetiously call them – being in almost every single lesson of theirs, their little group had so far managed to avoid much confrontation with either group. (F/N) had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, though, telling her it wouldn’t be long before something kicked off …

Several weeks passed without incident, save the Marauders making petulant digs at Severus whenever they could manage it, and Nolan and her friends throwing nasty looks and sneering at (F/N) and Lily every time they passed in the corridors. The first sign of trouble came on the first frosty day of the year, around the beginning of November, as they were walking to Care of Magical Creatures. Although faring extraordinarily well in the rest of her classes, this particular subject was one in which (F/N) easily outstripped her friends, even though they were holding their own. Lily, for one, could often be overheard asking (F/N) for homework tips and advice during lessons.

That particular lesson was spent learning about Bowtruckles or, in (F/N)’s case, playing with them. The poor twig-creatures were struggling with the sudden cold snap, but most of them still wouldn’t allow the students to handle them without painstakingly gaining their trust first, which was taking a very long time for most of the class. (F/N)’s group, consisting of her, Lily and Severus (as usual), were having no trouble at all, since their Bowtruckle had taken an instant liking to (F/N) and was now convinced that she and her friends were safe.

Professor Kettleburn came hobbling over, his boots crunching over the frosty grass, a broad smile stretching his features. “I see you three are doing just fine over here,” he said. “Are you quite sure you’re no relation of Mr Scamander’s? Friend of mine, you know,”

(F/N) grinned and shook her head. “No, sir,”

“Ah, well. Keep going the way you’re going and I’m sure he’ll have a little rival on his hands!” said Kettleburn fondly. “As you were, you lot!”

Lily, (F/N) and Severus watched him go, but accidentally caught Nolan’s eye as she shot (F/N) one of the filthiest looks she’d seen so far. They turned back to their Bowtruckle, who was gently prodding at Lily’s hand with a sharp little finger, indignant that her attention was not on it instead.

“Oh dear,” said (F/N) quietly, although with little care in her voice.

“What?” said Lily, using the back of her index finger to stroke the Bowtruckle‘s leafy head. Severus was making notes. “Nolan?” she asked tentatively.

“Yeah. You _must_ have seen the look she gave me,”

Lily gave her friend a very sympathetic look and sighed. “She’s just so …”

“Horrendous?” (F/N) grimaced. Lily smirked in spite of herself.

“I was going to say ‘relentless’, but I suppose your word is better,”

“Most of Slytherin thinks she’s an idiot, too,” said Severus in his usual quiet, steady tone.

Hearing that made (F/N) smile. Severus didn’t often weigh in on these things, but after his defence of her near the end of last year when Nolan’s bullying had gone several steps too far, (F/N) had known that he was firmly on her side.

The lesson flew by after that, seemingly to bring (F/N) closer to coming to blows with Nolan just a little bit sooner. As Lily and Severus were packing their bags, Nolan flounced past (F/N) on her way to hand in some late homework – she hadn’t done so at the beginning of the lesson, probably because Kettleburn had forgotten and so she had spent most of the lesson finishing it off – and barged into her shoulder so hard that she staggered – again. Unfortunately Kettleburn didn’t see, and neither did her friends.

The Bowtruckle sitting on (F/N)’s other shoulder, however, was sent running for the trees in fright. She turned to see the tiny creature scurrying across the clearing they often took their lessons in and, without thinking, raced after it with the intention of stopping it before it went too far.

“(F/N)!” she heard Lily shouting. “Where are you going?!”

Lily’s cries were accompanied by the laughter of several other students who seemed to find (F/N)’s crazed sprint into the Forest highly amusing. She didn’t look back and she heard little else as she skidded down a small slope, looking around wildly for the escaped Bowtruckle. A small, bobbing leaf was all she had to go on, as the creature – who was an earthy shade of green – blended in very efficiently even while the forest was covered in frost. The canopy of leaves, it seemed, was not even enough to protect from the approaching winter.

(F/N) kept running, determined not to let the Bowtruckle run somewhere it could be in danger. She didn’t know what was in that forest, after all. She had her wand for her own protection – she had to hope that would be enough.

Eventually the Bowtruckle seemed to run out of stamina and stopped just short of a stream. Beyond the stream was much darker woodland, thick with vegetation and very ominous-looking. Peering into that darkness from where she stood made the small hairs on the back of (F/N)’s neck stand on end, but also gave her the powerful urge to explore further. But now was not the time. She crouched low to the ground and held out a hand to the Bowtruckle, who she could see catching its breath on a rock beside the stream.

“Hey …” she half-whispered, half-called out to the little creature. She tutted a few times, drawing its attention. “Come to me … I’m sorry you got scared … I’ll take you home …”

The Bowtruckle eyed her for a moment, then did as she requested. It hopped back over to her and onto her outstretched hand, climbing her arm and returning to her shoulder where it settled in the crook of her neck, seeking warmth. But, as she straightened up, dusting her robes down, (F/N) noticed something large, round and white sitting in the silt on the opposite bank of the stream.

Curiosity got the better of her. (F/N) looked for a crossing over the stream and, when she couldn’t find one, decided to simply wade across as it wasn’t very deep. The water was freezing cold as it rushed slightly over the tops of her shoes and wetted the hem of her robes, but she soon reached the object on the other side and lifted it gently for inspection. It was an egg.

(F/N) felt sure that she had seen an egg like this in one of the books she’d read but couldn’t be certain of the creature it belonged to. Why wasn’t there a nest nearby? Had it been abandoned? She wasn’t even sure if she should move it, but the egg’s parent (or parents) didn’t seem to be around. There weren’t any tracks or anything to suggest the egg was supervised …

(F/N) looked all around and saw nothing. She heard nothing either, except the rustling of leaves overhead as the wind picked up. Maybe, she thought, she would be able to take it back to Professor Kettleburn and ask him to identify it. Perhaps then the infant creature inside would have a chance of survival if it was hand-reared …

She drudged back through the water, trying not to get her clothes any wetter than they already were, and started back towards the clearing. It seemed a much longer journey than before, and not just because she was now walking; it might have been because she was anxious to discover what kind of egg she was holding, but it might equally have been because, despite the Bowtruckle squeaking softly in her ear, she now realised how terribly quiet the Forest was.

Eventually she made it back to the clearing, only to find that everybody had left. Her bag was gone and (F/N) supposed that Lily had taken it with her. She couldn’t help wondering why nobody had gone after her, but then guessed that, if anything, Kettleburn would have gone back to fetch another teacher to help. Worrying that this would be the case, (F/N) hurried off up the path they always took to class and soon popped out next to Hagrid’s house.

It was break-time, for which (F/N) was thankful or she would have been in big trouble with the teacher of her next lesson. As she rounded the vegetable patch outside Hagrid’s, she realised one of the windows was slightly open. Muffled voices could be heard talking inside.

“Student’s gone missin’? In the Forest?!” spluttered Hagrid, dropping a brass kettle onto the floor. It clattered noisily but sounded as though it had been empty before it fell. “Righ’, we need to get out there righ’ now!”

“Well, I wouldn’t say she’s gone _missing_ , per se, but she did run off … and goodness knows where she might have got to!” squeaked Kettleburn. That was all (F/N) needed to hear; she rushed up to the door and knocked twice. Hagrid was at the door immediately, yanking it open so hard he nearly wrenched it off its hinges.

“Um … hello, Hagrid …” said (F/N) meekly. She thought he might be cross with her.

“Oh! Professor, is this yer missin’ student?” Hagrid said over his shoulder. Kettleburn craned to look at (F/N) from around Hagrid’s enormous bulk and a great wave of relief seemed to wash over him.

“Yes! Miss Castor, thank goodness you’re all right, you … you really ought not to go running off like that, no matter how good you are with creatures!”

Kettleburn’s once-relieved face was now stern, and (F/N) lowered her eyes to the floor in shame as Hagrid ushered her inside. “I’m sorry, Professor … I just didn’t want the Bowtruckle to get hurt when it ran off,”

Kettleburn’s eye softened considerably. “Well, no harm done, I suppose. Let’s not mention this to Professors Dumbledore or McGonagall then, eh?”

(F/N) looked up and smiled. As she did so, she noticed that everything in Hagrid’s house was as supersized as the man himself: a huge bed in the corner; an enormous kettle (still on the floor); a gargantuan armchair that looked as if it would swallow (F/N) whole if _she_ sat in it …

“Say, girl … How did the Bowtruckle get so frightened?” said Kettleburn, sitting down on one of the slightly more normal-sized dining chairs.

(F/N) hesitated for a moment before deciding that tattling on Nolan was far better than lying to Kettleburn, who had been so worried about her five minutes earlier. “Nolan rammed me with her shoulder, and I was carrying the Bowtruckle at the time. It got scared and ran off,”

The professor nodded seriously, looking from (F/N) to the Bowtruckle still sitting on her shoulder. “I see …” was all he said and beckoned for the Bowtruckle to come to him. It jumped down onto Hagrid’s table and trotted over to Kettleburn to see what he wanted.

“What’s that yeh got there, (F/N)?” said Hagrid, looking down at the egg cradled in (F/N)’s arms.

“Oh …” she said, looking slightly awkward. “Well, it’s an egg … I found it in the stream, next to where I caught up with the Bowtruckle … I was hoping one of you might be able to tell me what it is …”

Hagrid’s small, black eyes widened underneath his thick, black eyebrows. Even with his incredibly bushy beard, (F/N) could tell that his mouth was now hanging slightly agape. “Well, that … _that_ looks like a …”

“Hippogriff egg,” Kettleburn finished, just as a loud crack rent the air. Everyone looked at the egg and saw the huge line zigzagging across the shell. (F/N) stared, transfixed but alarmed, as the egg began to hatch bit by bit. She was powerless to put it down as the process continued, and neither Hagrid nor Kettleburn seemed able to move to take the egg away. Soon, the crown of the egg had cracked completely, and the shell fell away to reveal the tiny, avian head of the baby inside.

“Quick, quick …!” said Hagrid, somewhat breathlessly. “Put ‘em on the table, let’s get ‘em out of there!”

(F/N) did as she was told, placing the half-open egg on the table and helping to peel away the rest to release the infant hippogriff chirping helplessly at her. She suddenly became immune to the stares of Hagrid and Kettleburn, focused only on the tiny creature.

As soon as it was out of its shell, (F/N) noticed that the hippogriff was an inky shade of bluish-black, but the feathers on its head had not yet grown and so it looked very much like a bald chick stuck on the body of a horse, only with the front legs and feet of a bird.

The most noticeable thing, however, was the way its already bright orange eyes fixed exclusively upon (F/N), as though there was nobody else in the room.

“Oh, look at that!” gasped Hagrid, apparently trying to keep from cooing over the new baby. “He thinks yer his mummy!”

(F/N)’s eyes widened at the revelation, and she found herself speechless.

“S’nothin’ to worry about!” said Hagrid cheerfully. “Listen, I can teach yeh how to feed him an’ look after him, an’ when yeh’ve got lessons an’ all, I’ll keep an eye on him for yeh. How’s that sound?”

(F/N) looked up at him with her big, (E/C) eyes. Not quite believing that this was happening to her, she nodded and pasted a smile onto her face. Soon, she hoped, the matter would sink in and it really would be all right. She just didn’t know if she had what it took to raise a baby creature like this, who would grow to be so large, magnificent and probably temperamental. And she couldn’t believe how _fast_ this had all happened …

“What about my next lesson, though?” said (F/N) worriedly.

“Don’t worry, I’ll put in a word with Professor Slughorn and let him know that you’ll catch up with any work he sets. I’ll say that you’re, ah … seeing Madam Pomfrey, perhaps?” said Kettleburn helpfully, grinning at her.

(F/N) nodded. She really didn’t want to be in trouble with any of her other teachers, and she could, perhaps, explain to her friends what had happened later on … “Thank you, Professor,” she said, the sound of relief heavy in her voice.

Professor Kettleburn nodded and stood, bringing the Bowtruckle with him. “There are a few minutes left before the start of the next lessons,” he said. “I should hurry. But Miss Castor …”

(F/N) looked up at him again, prying her eyes from the baby hippogriff who was now trying to squawk at her.

“If any student is capable of raising _any_ creature, I believe it’s you. Heavens, I think you could raise a dragon if you wanted to!”

(F/N) couldn’t help smiling broadly. That was the kind of encouragement she needed, for sure.

She and Hagrid watched him go, limping up the path towards the castle with the Bowtruckle swaying on his shoulder. (F/N) hoped that Slughorn wouldn’t be too put-out by her absence, but Hagrid drew her attention away from that.

“Now, first thing’s first!” he said, in the jolliest voice she’d ever heard. “Yeh’ll wanna know what yer feeding him!”

For the next hour, (F/N) listened very closely to everything Hagrid had to tell her about hippogriffs; there were a lot of things she’d never even read in her books. Determined to learn everything she could so she could properly care for the baby creature who had chosen her as its mother, (F/N) asked Hagrid if she could actually do the things he was recommending, such as feeding and other interactions, seeing as how she didn’t have a quill or parchment to write notes. Hagrid was only too pleased to oblige, and by the end of this impromptu lesson (F/N) felt sure that she knew how to care for the hippogriff, at least until he started getting bigger and became more of a handful …

“Yeh best get off to yer next lesson!” said Hagrid, noticing the time. “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of him ‘til yeh come back again. Best to feed him three times a day, all righ’?”

“Thanks, Hagrid! I’ll come back after dinner, if that’s okay?”

“’Course!” said Hagrid cheerfully, a great beaming smile on his great bearded face. “Say, half past seven? That’ll give yeh time to slip away an’ get back again before curfew,”

“Thanks again ... Oh, what about his lunch, though?”

“Aw, don’t worry about that for now. Yeh’ve just fed him, so today’ll be a one-off where he won’t need feeding again ‘til dinner,”

“Great, I’ll see you later then!” said (F/N), giving the hippogriff one last quick pet before turning away. The little animal chirruped softly.

“Ooh, what are yeh gonna name him?” said Hagrid, making (F/N) pause with her hand on the door handle. She looked back at the hippogriff to see his first, tiny feathers sprouting before her eyes, and the hair he already had was darkening by the second. He gave his little wings an experimental flap, almost at the same time as an almighty gust of wind blew, battering the side of Hagrid’s house.

(F/N) smiled. Another name she’d seen in a book came to mind. “Aeolus,” she said. “Keeper of the Winds,”

Hagrid grinned but scratched the back of his shaggy head. “I might’ve expected that of the girl who named her owl ‘Cicero’,” he chuckled. “Still, it’s a good name. Sounds strong,”

(F/N) smiled back and, with a final wave to Hagrid, hurried out of the door. She didn’t want to be late for Charms, after all, not since she’d missed Potions. She felt bad that poor Lily would have been dragging her bag around with her for the last hour and a half. Just as she was setting off up the path, she heard Hagrid call out to her again.

“Oh, and (F/N)?!” he said, rather louder than he needed to. She turned back to face him, her hair and robes billowing slightly in the wind. “Best not tell anyone about the young’un yet, all righ’?”

She waved to Hagrid in acknowledgement and set off up the path once more. It was going to be interesting to say the least, trying to keep this from her friends.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who’s ready for another long, kind-of-plot-developing chapter?

Several days later, Lily was still asking (F/N) if she was all right following her “visit to the hospital wing”. (F/N) was finding it increasingly difficult to lie, even though it had barely been a week since Aeolus’ hatching, all because of how excited she was to have a project like raising a baby hippogriff. She had been astounded with his progress and had been dying to tell Lily and Severus, even Haydn … but she just couldn’t. All it would take would be for the wrong person to find out, and she could be in serious trouble and Aeolus would be removed from her care.

Needless to say, Aeolus had already become much more than just a project for her. She really was extraordinarily attached to him, and he to her, it seemed. Hagrid often commented on it.

Meanwhile, during lessons, (F/N) was doing her very best to keep up. There was no need for her to do any additional work in Care of Magical Creatures, seeing as she now spent most of her time either in the Forest or at the very edge of it, concealed by Hagrid’s hut, but she had worked especially hard to catch up in Potions. To her surprise, Severus had been willing to help her, even if he did make it seem as though it was putting him out a bit.

The weather had turned off completely, and the cold winds brought with them hail, sleet and even snow on some days. Also around this time came the first of their year group’s visits to Hogsmeade; (F/N) had been excited to go, and her aunt had signed the permission slip, but now she had Aeolus to care for it seemed irresponsible to go to the village, even if it meant missing out. Lily had been sad when (F/N) told her that she’d ‘lost’ the signed permission slip but had thankfully accepted this excuse which (F/N) actually thought was rather lame, although she had only thought of it on the spot. She supposed there were always other times to go to Hogsmeade, though.

The weather always seemed to be at its cruellest whenever (F/N) went down to feed Aeolus; she always had to wear her cloak, often with her dragonskin gloves for Herbology, and she usually found herself with her thick woollen scarf pulled over her mouth and nose so as not to let those bitter winds bite and burn her face. Her eyes often suffered for it though, drying them out and making them sore even by the time she reached her first lesson.

Around the beginning of December, (F/N) sent a letter to her aunt explaining the situation with the hippogriff to whom she had accidentally become ‘mother’, and asked if it would be at all possible for her to spend Christmas at school. Aeolus was still young, although about five times the size he had been at hatching, and she had gathered without Hagrid’s or Kettleburn’s advice that it would be unwise at this juncture to leave Aeolus for a fortnight. She felt terrible, sending that letter, but she was extremely pleased to see that the response was that Auntie Beth was immensely proud of her for undertaking such a responsibility.

Thus, come the Christmas holidays, when Lily and Severus came looking for (F/N) in the Great Hall on the day they were due to leave, both were surprised to learn that she was staying put.

“Oh, (F/N) … If I’d known I’d have put my name down and stayed here with you!” Lily lamented, hugging (F/N) tightly.

“Don’t worry, Lil …” (F/N) said, coughing delicately to hint that she was being choked. “It was kind of a last-minute thing anyway …”

As she said this she accidentally caught Severus’ eye. He let on to nothing, but (F/N) had the strangest feeling that he suspected something was amiss. There was suddenly a great deal of shouting out in the Entrance Hall, noise which could only belong to Potter and Black, and Lily snapped back to what was going on around her. She released (F/N) from her vicelike grip and gave her a small, sad smile.

“I don’t like the thought of you spending Christmas on your own,” she said.

“I’ll be fine,” (F/N) chuckled, waving her hand in an airy, dismissive manner. “Just write to me, okay?”

“Of course!” said Lily, moving in for another suffocating hug. “Don’t go getting too far ahead of us with all your reading!”

(F/N) had to laugh. As if she was going to get much studying done, with Aeolus to look after. Lily let go again, picked up her trunk and sighed.

“Well, I guess we’ll see you in a couple of weeks then,” she said.

“Have a great Christmas, you two,” said (F/N) with a glittering smile. Severus’ dark eyes flickered for what must only have been a nanosecond, but (F/N) caught it regardless.

She watched their retreating backs as they left the hall. The twelve tall Christmas trees in the hall glimmered and shone, giving the room a much homelier feel than usual, and the enchanted ceiling above was a smooth, uniform grey and had started to snow. (F/N) could tell, beyond the great mullioned windows of the Great Hall, that it was snowing outside as well. She sat for a good half an hour longer, leafing through the pages of her copy of _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ , not really reading at all but waiting for everyone who was going home to actually leave before she made her way to Hagrid’s.

Aeolus, although only about a month old, was now big enough to spend most of his time in a clearing in the Forest all of his own, where he could be left without fear of being attacked or discovered. Hagrid had shown (F/N) where Aeolus was now living, and when she’d next seen the hippogriff he’d seemed rather pleased with his new accommodation.

Every day she spent looking after Aeolus, (F/N) marvelled at the way interacting with him increased her understanding of magical creatures in general; where she had always cared for those she dealt with, she now adored each and every one. There were certain quirks about the animals that she still had to remember from an academic perspective, however, despite not often having to observe them all herself; hippogriffs, for example, were proud creatures and part of treating them with the utmost respect involved bowing to them as a courtesy before approaching. With Aeolus, because he had known (F/N) from the moment of his hatching, (F/N) found that bowing was unnecessary; whenever she tried, he was simply too thrilled to see her every time and would come bounding over to lavish affection upon her before she could honour the traditional formalities.

Christmas Day was a quiet affair, but she received a few letters – one each from Lily, Severus and Haydn, and one from Auntie Beth in which Eddie also sent his regards, asking Auntie Beth to include a few sentences from him. (F/N) had been sent a number of presents, too, for which she was very appreciative and which she enjoyed immensely. After a little while, it didn’t matter too much to her that she’d woken up alone on Christmas Day, because she was going to make the most of the time she was still allowed to spend within the magical grounds and walls of Hogwarts.

A thick blanket of snow had been draped over the grounds overnight, and it lingered for an extraordinarily long time. (F/N) was finding it increasingly difficult to stay outside with Aeolus in the piercing cold, for even her best warming charms weren’t doing her very much good.

The merciless weather persisted well into term time, and (F/N) would often return to Gryffindor Tower shivering, with her robes damp at the edges and covered in snow elsewhere. She was keeping up with all of her work and managing not to raise the teachers’ suspicions, but she had always known that it wouldn’t take her friends very long to cotton on to the fact that she was frequently wandering off someplace and doing … something.

“So … where _is_ it you keep going off to three times a day?” Lily asked over the top of her book, as they sat together one Saturday afternoon. The winter snows had gradually turned to sleet, and now it was simply raining. (F/N) watched it through the window from the warmth of the common room. The snow still on the ground would soon thaw, but that didn’t mean that navigating the castle was going to be any less treacherous in places, and it certainly didn’t mean the weather was going to be warmer. If anything, the constant squalls they’d been subjected to seemed to have increased in strength and now howled about the towers and buffeted the castle so hard that the glass in the windows sometimes rattled.

(F/N) shifted uncomfortably in her plush, dark crimson armchair. She hoped that Lily hadn’t heard her fidgeting. (F/N) realised that there were few things she could say without lying outright, which was a situation she still didn’t want to be faced with. In the end, she settled for “studying for a project”, because she couldn’t very well say that she was helping Kettleburn or Hagrid or Lily would then want to tag along, and she couldn’t have that when she was supposed to be keeping Aeolus a secret, no matter how much she wanted to tell her best friend.

“Really? Three times a day?” Lily repeated, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Yeah,” said (F/N), adopting an air and smile she hoped were convincing. “Whenever I can fit them between classes,”

“And after dinner?”

“Well, when is there more spare time in the day than after dinner?” said (F/N) reasonably.

Lily shrugged and closed her book. She seemed placated for the time being but her green eyes still glittered with curiosity. “What’s your project on?” she asked, deciding not to press any more on the subject of _where_ (F/N) went off to – (F/N) guessed that Lily’s assumption was that she had been in the library every time she disappeared.

“It’s a CoMC one,” said (F/N) with a modest grin. Lily knew how much she loved that subject, but a full smile was suppressed by the very weak lie that she knew she was about to tell. “Kettleburn told me that if I studied some of the more, um … _untameable_ creatures, he would take me to meet some of them. But I’ve got to know what I’m dealing with first,”

Lily’s eyes widened considerably, and (F/N) felt an immense pang of guilt and remorse. Even for a fib she’d come up with on the spot, it had succeeded remarkably well in drawing Lily in.

“That’s amazing! You’re so lucky … What might you get to see?” she asked.

(F/N) had to think fast. What creatures might conceivably live nearby that Lily would believe? “Well, you know how he’s always on about chimaeras …” she began, desperately thinking of more creatures. “And of course there’s the giant squid in the lake, and there’s a kelpie …”

“ _Seriously_?” Lily gasped. “They’re so dangerous, though!”

“That’s why Kettleburn wants me to study up,” (F/N) lied. “He says it’ll be a few years yet before I can go, but that’s why I’m working hard now, to see if he’ll take me sooner,”

Lily nodded, seemingly fascinated. “Well, if you tame one I wanna see it, okay?!”

(F/N) grinned, this time genuinely. She did, one day, want to befriend one of the creatures she’d mentioned. So when she did, she would bring her along to meet it. She wasn’t going to back out of that one.

Thankfully, after that point in their conversation, Haydn walked into the common room and distracted both girls enough to halt the discussion. Haydn had started telling them all about how the Marauders were starting to get new ideas about pranks to pull and how to deal with their ‘foes’. Lily gasped again and (F/N) groaned; both girls knew what Haydn’s news meant for Severus, and quite possibly several other students in their year. They became so embroiled in their suppositions about who the Marauders might target first that (F/N) and Lily forgot all about where (F/N) kept sneaking off to.

Weeks went by without further incident where Aeolus was concerned. Kettleburn stopped by every so often while (F/N) was feeding the young hippogriff and seemed extremely pleased with the progress of both creature and handler. He and Hagrid had both commented – on a few occasions each – how impressed they were that a thirteen-year-old had been able to raise a hippogriff almost entirely by herself. (F/N) was also pleased to see that, whenever Kettleburn or Hagrid approached Aeolus, he didn’t seem to mind their presence and, although they did bow to him in greeting, Aeolus didn’t appear too fussed about the formalities.

What worried (F/N), though, was the fact that it wasn’t just Lily who was interested in where she was going. (F/N) regretted not being more discreet, because when the weather improved and Nolan and her gang could bear to be outdoors long enough to watch the Quidditch and spend more time out in the grounds, one of them had noticed that (F/N) was going somewhere before breakfast, during lunch and after dinner, and this had prompted Nolan to ask questions too.

 _And_ follow her around.

The tailing was the most irritating thing of all, especially as it drew the attention of the Marauders as well. That, in turn, brought more questions from Lily and Severus, although the latter only seemed to regard (F/N) with a curious and slightly interrogatory gaze while Lily did all the asking. Now it seemed she was more curious as to why their year’s most notorious students were so interested in (F/N)’s activities …

As spring matured, the grey surrendered to a sudden explosion of bright colour and (F/N) found it easier than ever to make her way down to see Aeolus in the drier, breezier weather. The only downside to that was that Nolan and the Marauders had a far easier time in following (F/N), too. More than once had Nolan and the others headed her off ‘on the way to Hagrid’s’, and she had also been waylaid several times by having to take a detour, or even wait a while because Potter, Black and the others had decided that waiting in the general area of their CoMC classes would be an excellent idea …

Now that he was a few months old, caring for Aeolus was a different story to how it had been when he had taken his first gangly steps. He could now fly, for one thing (something he had been able to do since he was about a week old but now he was soaring about for hours at a time), and this meant that (F/N) had been to see him on several occasions and found him absent. For another thing, he didn’t need feeding as often but he did require more sustenance. Hagrid had been more than happy to assist in the provision of greater quantities of meat for the growing hippogriff, but it seemed to be the exercise that Aeolus craved more, these days.

On Hagrid’s and Kettleburn’s advise, (F/N) frequented Aeolus’ clearing less often to allow him the space he would undoubtedly be seeking. It allowed her to hunker down and focus more on her studies which, she was proud to note, hadn’t suffered at all since adopting Aeolus. Lily appeared more suspicious than ever and even Severus had begun dropping subtle hints that he knew something was going on, but (F/N) made certain to never prompt any conversations that could have led to the asking of more awkward questions.

One day in late April, on a balmy but slightly overcast evening, (F/N) rose as usual from her seat next to Lily in the Great Hall. Having finished her dinner, she told her that she was going off to work some more on her project. With a cheery smile and wave, (F/N) turned on her heels and calmly left the hall as though nothing could be amiss. With her back to the hall, she couldn’t have seen the way Lily turned in her seat to look at Severus, on the other side of the vast room, who had been watching (F/N) as she left.

(F/N) had an inkling that something was wrong that night. Something felt very different to how it usually did, and her gut told her that it had nothing to do with Nolan and her crew, or Potter and his. With four people or more to each gang, they had started holding vigils in different spots around the school, but tonight was another story; none of the usual faces could be seen at the ends of any corridors, and none of their voices could be heard.

So why did (F/N) still feel as though someone was following her?

Of course, she had no way of knowing that Lily had waited until she was out of sight before leaving the hall in her wake. (F/N) had decided to switch up her regular route to the Forest, so as to confuse anyone who _might_ have believed they knew her pattern, but Lily knew where she was headed first: the library. She had managed to obtain a note from Slughorn, permitting her to enter the Restricted Section; she had asked for this just in case she couldn’t find (F/N) in the normal section.

However, it was Lily’s belief that Severus hadn’t wanted to partake in the stalking of their close friend. Indeed, when Lily left the Great Hall Severus had remained firmly rooted to his seat. Lily hadn’t been pleased, but she knew when she was beaten. However, with a different theory to test, Severus had left the hall himself about five minutes later – so as not to arouse anyone’s suspicions – and had made straight for the Forbidden Forest. It seemed strange to him that hands-on, enthusiastic (F/N) Castor would be studying magical creatures from books when it was such a practical subject in the first place.

No, he thought; she was in the Forest, and that was where her ‘project’ was, too. Lily just hadn’t wanted to hear about it, because she didn’t want to think that her other best friend was doing something dangerous.

Severus, on the other hand, was intrigued. What was (F/N) hiding? And how had she been keeping it a secret for almost a year?

The edge of the Forest was a dark, earthy green against the lighter, twilit grounds. The grass, emerald green from plenty of rain during March and early April, now glittered softly in the dusk from the premature dew, where the sun had only just set, and somewhere he heard the tinkling chorus of a song thrush among the leaves. Walking on with only pure instinct to guide him, Severus made his way into the Forest, a dark figure blending almost seamlessly with the tree-line. He walked and walked, stepping over roots and fallen branches. A few times his robe caught on brambles or low boughs, but he kept going through the Forest in the direction he sensed was the right one.

Ahead, he spotted that the woodland canopy opened up slightly to allow a little more light into the place. A clearing, he saw, lay large, open and inviting with a soft, grassy floor like an oasis in the otherwise rough and wild forest. Somewhere, a stream babbled away, rushing gently over rocks but, more interestingly than that, he could hear a girl’s voice.

Severus rounded a particularly thick tree and stood, dumbfounded for a moment, as he beheld the sight before him. On the other side of the clearing stood (F/N). She had her back to him, but she was petting a large, inky black hippogriff with a cruel, steel-coloured beak and piercing, bright orange eyes. Quite unlike how hippogriffs normally behaved, this one was stamping around excitedly while (F/N) ran her hands along its beak, across its cheek and down its feathery neck, showing it affection as it eagerly squawked at her.

Severus leaned against the large tree without making a sound. He continued to watch (F/N) and her hippogriff as they played, almost as if they hadn’t seen each other in months. The hippogriff, whom Severus heard (F/N) call ‘Aeolus’, spread his enormous black wings and flapped them so hard he almost knocked (F/N) over. (F/N) turned and ran from Aeolus, who immediately gave chase, and (F/N) – before she could be overtaken – threw herself into the grass and rolled over, playing dead. Aeolus turned and looked down at her, apparently startled by the fact that (F/N) had just dropped, lifeless, to the forest floor. He approached gingerly and, sniffing her head gently, let out a deafening squeal as she grabbed his head and blew a raspberry in his feathery face.

Laughing, (F/N) sprang up and grabbed Aeolus about the neck, pulling him in for a hug. Severus had never seen or imagined anything like it. (F/N)’s ease with this enormous and apparently dangerous creature was awe-inspiring, as was the hippogriff’s apparent love for his human. Severus felt his blood run cold, however, when he realised that he was standing right in Aeolus’ line of sight, and those lamplike orange eyes had fixed him with a burning gaze. He hadn’t ever thought that hippogriffs might be able to growl, but this one certainly could.

Aeolus pawed the ground angrily with one of his taloned, birdlike feet and spread his wings threateningly. Suddenly, the creature wore an expression that could only be anger, and he looked ready to charge. Severus knew that this most certainly was _not_ something he should be waiting around for but, before he could turn tail and flee, (F/N) turned and spotted him. Her shock was nothing compared to his mounting concern that she would not be able to prevent Aeolus from running him down if he ran away.

“Sev …” she murmured, stroking Aeolus as reassuringly as she could. “How did you –,”

“A hunch …” he said quietly, but just loud enough for her to hear. He stepped away from the shadows of the trees and into the light of the young moon now shining upon the clearing, casting everything in an ethereal glow. “So this is what you’ve been doing all year …”

(F/N) looked from Severus to Aeolus with an unmistakably guilty expression on her face. She didn’t say anything.

“Were you ever going to tell us?” Severus asked. “That you’ve got a hippogriff?”

“Well, he’s not _mine,_ per se …” said (F/N) truthfully. Honestly, she thought, she couldn’t really class a creature as ‘hers’ if it saw her as its mother, could she? She told Severus as much.

He stared at her in disbelief for a few seconds before repeating, “You _hatched_ him?”

“Yes, when I chased the Bowtruckle into the forest, I found his egg. His mother abandoned him for some reason, so I took him to Hagrid’s and then …”

(F/N) was babbling. It was as though she was afraid Severus would tell on her. He seemed to read her mind.

“I won’t tell,” he said simply. “But you really should tell Lily, too,”

(F/N) nodded and looked back up at Aeolus, who was still grumbling lowly at Severus.

Severus didn’t feel the need to say any more. He now had the information he’d followed (F/N) for. He turned to leave, but when he heard the hippogriff’s growl growing louder he stopped himself.

“If I leave, that hippogriff isn’t going to come after me, is he?”

(F/N) glanced back at Severus with big, (E/C) eyes. “Why not stay?” she asked. “It’s been quite lonely, not being able to tell anyone,”

Something struck Severus hard in the chest and, while he resisted the urge to touch the spot with his hand, he looked down to see what had hit him. Nothing physical, he noticed, and so realised (begrudgingly) that an intense pang of guilt had run him through like a lance.

Severus turned back to face (F/N) and said, “Fine. What do I have to do?”

(F/N) smiled brightly over her shoulder and backed away from Aeolus so that he wouldn’t be dependent on her.

“Right … okay. So, Aeolus is only a baby still, and he’s never come across anyone other than the people who were there when he hatched …” she explained, standing about halfway between Severus and Aeolus, but a respectable distance away. “So what you’ll want to do is approach slowly … that’s it … now give him a nice, low bow – hippogriffs are absurdly proud, you see – but don’t break eye contact …”

Severus, although dubious about everything unfolding before him, followed (F/N)’s instructions to the letter. He had to suppose, after all, that (F/N) had been coming to visit and raise this creature for months now, and she hadn’t once been gored or bitten by it, so her advice had to be sound …

Aeolus flapped his wings again, but this only seemed to be for show because he then dropped low onto one of his knees and brought that formidable beak close to the grass. Next, (F/N) said, Severus could approach Aeolus – still slowly, of course – and pet him if he wanted to. Never one to shy away from a challenge, Severus edged nearer with a pale hand outstretched.

“You’re doing great …” said (F/N) quietly, smiling over at Severus. “Now, Hagrid says it’d be best, at this point, to let Aeolus come to you,”

So Severus stopped, still with his hand held out in front, and the hippogriff took the hint. Moments later, Severus was petting Aeolus as though there had never been any hostility at all. (F/N) was grinning from ear to ear.

Staring blankly at the hippogriff as he petted it, the full reality of the situation slowly dawned on Severus. The soft, inky feathers on Aeolus’ neck ran like silk beneath his hand, but best of all the hippogriff didn’t seem to want to kill him. And, he was surprised to note, he felt quite safe under (F/N)’s supervision; he glanced back at her and, seeing how softly she was smiling, felt his cheeks grow warm for a fraction of a second before the feeling was forgotten – or, at least, pushed from his mind.

For a moment the two friends, neither of them willing to break the serene quiet, met each other’s gaze. (F/N) had no idea what Severus could have been thinking, but he was starting to grasp a new type of magic: Legilimency. He’d read about it and now, reading people and seeing their innermost thoughts, memories and feelings was fast becoming a skill of his that he was keen to sharpen. There was something about (F/N), though, that he found difficult to read – no matter what he’d told her the year before. He wondered if she was an Occlumens without knowing it …

They weren’t sure when it happened but eye contact was suddenly broken. Severus immediately thought to fill the silence. “Can I … uh …”

“Come back?” (F/N) guessed, grinning. Severus merely looked at her. “Of course you can,”

“The way you handle creatures …” he said minimally, nodding slightly in acknowledgement of (F/N)’s words. “Can you show me?”

(F/N) raised an eyebrow and a slightly cunning expression crossed her features. It was only for a second, but Severus knew what he’d seen. For the first time – he never thought another of his friends could make him feel so peculiar – he recognised a hint of nervousness as it pulsed through his body. What was she thinking?

“I can,” she said simply, rolling her shoulders as though it were no big deal. Severus knew, then, what her nonchalance meant, especially as he caught her eye again. Those eyes twinkled mischievously in the moonlight.

“You want to make a deal,” said Severus pointedly.

“I’ll help you with CoMC if you help me with Potions,” said (F/N) with a wise little nod. She knew she could have asked him for help in Defence Against the Dark Arts, but her current marks reflected the fact that she was doing perfectly fine in that field. With Potions, she wasn’t struggling, but she had watched Severus for some time now and thought the way he handled the subject was masterful, even at their age; she just hadn’t been able to appreciate it before.

Severus looked slightly taken aback. “You don’t need help with Potions …” he said weakly. “You’re one of the best in the class,”

High praise coming from him, (F/N) thought. “I could always be better,” she said, staring at him determinedly. The pale moonlight cast her in an equally pale light, giving her skin a beautiful, glowing pallor.

“I would have thought …” said Severus slowly, considering her terms. “… that you would have sworn me to secrecy about your hippogriff,”

(F/N)’s eyes flashed momentarily, another small detail that Severus’ own sharp eyes didn’t miss, fleeting though it was. “I would have thought …” said (F/N), imitating Severus’ tone. “… that I wouldn’t have to bargain for your silence,”

“Why not?”

“You’re my friend,” said (F/N) simply, shrugging her shoulders again.

When Severus saw that (F/N) wasn’t going to offer any further justification for her trust in him, he let out a small, almost inaudible sigh. “All right,” he said, shaking his head a little. “Fine. I’ll help you,”

(F/N)’s hard stare broke and was replaced with another dazzling smile. “I thought you might come around sooner or later,” she said with a wink. Severus blinked at her, unsure of how to receive her – obviously, she was teasing. “I’m glad it was sooner,” (F/N) added.

Together, the two friends made the necessary preparations to leave Aeolus for the night. (F/N) explained that the chances were good that Aeolus would take flight at some point during the night or even the morning, because he liked to stretch his wings whenever he felt the pull of the skies. As they walked back, taking great care to avoid teachers and Prefects patrolling the corridors, (F/N) informed Severus that he didn’t have to come with her every single time she went to see Aeolus if he didn’t want to.

“Sometimes I’m out there quite early,” she reasoned, placing her foot on the first of the marble stairs.

“I don’t mind,”

(F/N) nodded, bemused by Severus’ willingness to be up at daft hours in the morning to help her with her charge. “Great. Well, thank you, anyway …”

Severus simply nodded, turning away and heading for the dungeons. (F/N) was left staring at his retreating back, his slightly ill-fitting robes billowing as he hastened towards the Slytherin common room and his dormitory. (F/N) realised it was probably unwise to loiter in plain view of anyone who might be roaming the castle, and so sped off towards her own common room. She had forgotten to wear a watch, so she had no idea what time it was.

As she reached the Fat Lady she realised that the hour must have been very late – or at least, later than was usually acceptable – because the woman in the portrait turned a very harsh gaze on her as she arrived.

“What time do you call this?” she demanded, glaring hotly at her.

“Sorry …” said (F/N), glancing down at her shoes. “I’ve been, er … helping Hagrid with some of the creatures. Extra credit, you know?”

“Hm …” hummed the Fat Lady, pursing her puckered lips as if to say she didn’t believe a word of it. “Whatever you say. Password?”

“Coddiwomple,”

The portrait swung open to reveal the hole leading to the common room. When (F/N) scrambled through, she soon realised that the room was empty except for someone sitting in the armchair beside the fireplace with their back to the door. She could just see their hand on the armrest.

Creeping around them, hoping desperately that whoever it was would be asleep, (F/N) made straight for the girls’ dormitories but was stopped dead in her tracks.

“Where on earth have you been?” Lily hissed.

(F/N) spun on her heels to look at her in surprise. “Lil …” she breathed. “Not like you to be up so late,”

“Don’t give me that,” Lily growled, her red hair flaming in the light of the fire. Her green eyes glinted dangerously. “I’ve been worried sick about you, and when Sev didn’t come back …”

“He was with me,” said (F/N). “In the Forest,”

“The _Forest_?!” gasped Lily. “Why the hell were you in there?”

“Keep your voice down!” (F/N) hissed back, her own eyes ablaze. She couldn’t risk Aeolus in any way, shape or form and she would have felt so much worse if it was Lily who let the cat out of the bag. “My ‘project’ is in the Forest,” (F/N) went on, lowering her voice to a placid murmur. “I’ve been raising a hippogriff,”

Lily’s astonishment only increased as (F/N) sat down and explained everything to her, in exactly the same way as she had explained it to Severus, minus the actual presence of Aeolus. After answering Lily’s questions, with at least half of them being repeated and yet another promise that she would take Lily to see Aeolus as soon as she could, (F/N) managed to convince her best friend to make her way to bed.

“I’m sorry I lied,” said (F/N) as they reached the dormitory door.

“Oh, don’t be silly. I can see why you did,”

“Really?”

“Of course,” said Lily, with her hand on the doorknob. “I wouldn’t have known what to do with myself, if it had been me. I think you did well, hiding it for half a year,” she chuckled.

(F/N) smiled at the back of Lily’s coppery head and followed her into the room. Julie, Cathy and Evelyn were all sound asleep, so the other two girls crept around the room trying not to wake them up.

That night, (F/N) dreamed of nothing but hippogriffs at Hogwarts. Hippogriffs in the corridors, hippogriffs in her classes, hippogriffs in the Great Hall … There was even a hippogriff sitting in Dumbledore’s seat at the teacher’s table, behaving in a far more sophisticated manner than his ungainly body should allow. By the time she woke and was getting dressed, ready to go and feed Aeolus, she couldn’t help thinking back on her absurd dreams and wondering if he had some kind of strange ability to hijack her unconscious mind.

(F/N) left the dormitory as quietly as she had entered and headed out of the castle, across the dewy, sunlit lawns, heading for the forest as normal. She took her regular route – which also happened to be the quickest – hopping over logs and roots and dodging brambles, all of which she could have avoided with her eyes closed. The forest was as dark and cool as usual, and although May was still a couple of days away, the mornings were bright and warm, sometimes bordering on hot. The forest offered welcome shade, but before long the clearing that Aeolus called home was gleaming brightly through the gloom as the sun shone through the sparse canopy. As was the case the night before, when they had been able to see everything by the light of the moon, (F/N) could now see a few wispy clouds streaking the bright blue sky and a few rays of sunshine shone down upon the clearing, casting everything in a rich, emerald glow.

(F/N) came trotting merrily into the clearing, expecting to see Aeolus immediately. He was nowhere to be seen. A small surge of panic rose in her chest for a fraction of a second before she noted that the young hippogriff was probably gallivanting deeper within the forest. A very soft crack reverberated through the clearing, coming from somewhere on (F/N)’s left. She pivoted on the spot, sharp eyes searching for the source of the disruption of the tranquillity, and a dark figure emerged from the shadows.

“Severus …” (F/N) gasped, placing a hand over her chest. She had not expected him, but she supposed she was foolish not to; he had asked to help with Aeolus, after all.

“Frighten you, did I?” he said quietly, walking fully into the clearing and stopping a short way from (F/N). He folded his arms and gazed at her with indecipherable black eyes.

“No, I just …”

“You weren’t expecting me to be here,”

Severus’ voice was soft and low as it usually was, but even in his standard, serious tone (F/N) could hear a trace of amusement.

“Truthfully? No. Not really,” said (F/N) with a slightly awkward grin. “Still, when are you ever _not_ serious about … well, anything?” she chuckled.

Severus didn’t say anything but he made an odd little movement with his head that looked like a half-nod of agreement. “So where is he?” he asked abruptly, changing the subject as suddenly as he’d arrived.

(F/N) looked over her shoulder as though Aeolus would have suddenly materialised. “I don’t know. Probably off terrorising the centaurs,”

“Has this happened before?”

“What? Aeolus terrorising the centaurs?”

Severus gave (F/N) a hard, searching look but even his scorching gaze couldn’t wipe a smile off (F/N)’s face. If his withering expression could have spoken, it would have been a growl of _“You know perfectly well what I mean”_.

“All right, all right …” said (F/N), lamely holding her hands up in surrender. She shook her head as if he’d just asked her something very unreasonable, turning her back on him as though she couldn’t quite believe her ears. “Aeolus probably _is_ off messing about in the forest though, and yes, this has happened before,”

“What do you do when he isn’t here?”

“He manages on his own until dinnertime,” said (F/N) simply. “He catches mice and things like that when I can’t come down to see him, and there’s a little store of food behind one of these trees … I cover the basket with leaves; they mask the scent of the meat, or he’d have lain waste it all by now,”

Severus blinked slowly at the back of her glossy (H/C) head. The sheer fact that she knew all these quirky tips and tricks that were useful for dealing with a hippogriff was frankly astounding. Severus hadn’t ever doubted (F/N)’s ability in CoMC, but even with her coming top of the class – probably even top of the year – Severus realised that he had still vastly underestimated her.

“Anyway …” said (F/N) at length, scanning the tree-line on the other side of the clearing. “… I don’t think Aeolus will be here for a while yet. Shall we go back for breakfast?”

Severus remained silent as usual but turned slightly as though about to walk away; he paused, seemingly waiting for (F/N) to join him. He regarded her with those depthless black eyes of his, glinting in the dappled morning sunshine, wondering what she thought about when she was alone out here … She seemed lost in another world at that moment …

Before breakfast, Severus and (F/N) rushed back to their dormitories to grab their schoolbags. It was still early but neither liked to rush in the morning. They reconvened at the bottom of the staircase, but this time (F/N) had Lily in tow.

“Have fun?” Lily asked, green eyes glittering excitedly but it appeared as though she, too, had forgotten that Severus knew about Aeolus as well.

“We didn’t see him,” said (F/N), with an expression that suggested she was disappointed but not really surprised. “We’ll try again later,”

“Try what again later?” came a shrill, snooty voice that rang unpleasantly throughout the corridor, and resounded above all others. Nolan came swaggering over and, even though (F/N) and Lily were still standing on the very last of the stairs, Nolan’s eyes were nearly level with (F/N)’s because she was so tall. “Not running off to do whatever _shady business_ you’ve been up to for the last few months, surely?”

“That really is none of your business,” (F/N) said, in a very dignified tone. She came down the final step and it suddenly became obvious how much shorter she was. She wasn’t even slightly intimidated by her, though. Lily was the same height as (F/N), but she didn’t dare stand toe-to-toe with Nolan like (F/N) was.

Nolan smirked at (F/N), her upturned nose giving her the haughtiest of appearances, even at this angle. “Oh, but I think it must be the _teachers’_ business though, mustn’t it?”

“Well, seeing as I’m not doing anything wrong I hardly think it matters,” (F/N) sneered back. “Anyway, you’re boring me now so I can’t imagine what you must be doing to everyone else. We’ll see you later, I’m sure,”

And with that (F/N) sidestepped around Nolan and strolled confidently away towards the hall. Compelled by her boldness, Severus and Lily followed without another glance at Nolan who was, predictably, glaring hotly at (F/N)’s back.

“Ooh, you sure gave her the brush-off!” Lily praised, nudging (F/N) gently with her shoulder. “That dismissal was very … ‘McGonagall’,”

(F/N) smiled. She was pleased to have emulated one of her favourite teachers; Professor McGonagall was practically famous among the students of Hogwarts – past and present – and one of the reasons for that was that once she dismissed you, that was that; it was all part of her general strictness. (F/N) wondered if McGonagall would be pleased to know that one of her students had apparently picked that up from her as well as valuable knowledge of Transfiguration …

(F/N) went through breakfast thinking that she couldn’t have cared less what Nolan knew – or thought she knew – about her comings and goings. The same could be said for Potter and Black, who were sitting near enough to her and Lily to ask all sorts of curious questions. Some appeared to have been asked for a specific reason, most were ridiculous, and all of them were ignored.

Throughout the day’s lessons, (F/N) was grateful for the fact that Lily had had the wisdom not to mention anything about the Forbidden Forest or what she knew went on there. Clearly, though, during the periods of time that Lily had been unable to talk freely about (F/N)’s new ‘hobby’, she had been given the opportunity to dwell on the strange things (F/N) had said to her earlier in the year. By lunchtime, Lily was almost bubbling over with things to ask, although in a highly amused tone.

“Now that I know what’s been going on, everything adds up,” she said, filling her bowl with soup.

“Such as?”

“When you said you lost your permission slip …” Lily said. “… the frequent disappearances … staying at school over Christmas … _and_ Easter!”

(F/N) smiled. “Like I said, I’m sorry I lied to you,”

Lily laughed and waved away her apology. “Don’t be daft,” she said. “I can be really nosy sometimes; I’m surprised you kept it hidden for so long,”

(F/N)’s grin widened in response but she nudged Lily gently with her elbow as Potter and Black came swaggering up to their table with Lupin and Pettigrew in tow, and maddeningly smug looks on their faces. Potter, as usual, sat himself down and ruffled his hair as though to make himself appear more windswept; Black leaned across the table to leer at (F/N) and Lily as though he were plotting some terribly clever and elaborate scheme; the other two either resumed their fervent admiration of the two leaders or promptly buried their nose in a book, despite it being lunchtime.

“Not planning any excursions this afternoon then, Castor?” Black sneered.

“And where would I be expected to go, exactly?” (F/N) retorted without missing a beat, buttering a slice of bread at the same time. She didn’t even raise her eyes to look at him, and although she could have turned the fact that she was holding a knife into a threat, she remained as composed and dignified as ever. Turning to look at (F/N), interested in what Black was saying to her, Pettigrew turned in his seat and instantly sent a spoon clattering to the hard floor. A few girls on the neighbouring Hufflepuff table turned around to see what all the fuss was about before turning back a second later; not a single one of them managed to resist shaking their head in dismay.

The smirk that wove itself onto Black’s face was unnerving, but (F/N) wasn’t fool enough to let him see the effect it had. “Somewhere you shouldn’t be,” he said simply, and snidely.

(F/N) smirked back, much to Lily’s surprise; she appeared to have picked up on (F/N)’s apprehension and had clearly not expected her to respond with a challenge. “Again: where would that be, exactly?” said (F/N).

Black continued to smile like he knew something she didn’t and turned back to his lunch. (F/N) had a sneaking suspicion that Black, Potter and even Nolan knew what was going on, but she shook the thought from her mind: Hagrid and Kettleburn would be on her side if any of them tried to report her.

(F/N) kept her hearing sharp for the rest of the day so that she could keep constant tabs on her enemies. None of the Marauders had thought it prudent to follow her wherever she went, but Nolan wasn’t nearly so discreet or sensible. At one point, just after their final lessons, (F/N) was returning from Herbology with Lily – who went off to the common room to drop off her bag before dinner – and had to go to the bathroom. Parting ways with Lily, she made her way to the nearest one but Nolan, who had been coming back from Transfiguration – the Slytherins and Hufflepuffs had their Thursday classes with McGonagall late in the day – had cornered her by the sinks in the bathroom when she saw her go in.

In a feeble attempt to glean further information from (F/N) about where she liked to wander off to every day, Nolan had held her at wand-point, threatening all manner of hexes if she didn’t confess, and quickly. (F/N)’s first reaction had been to lash out with the Stinging Jinx (she hadn’t meant to use a harmful spell like that, but to her credit it only struck Nolan’s wand hand and forearm) – and Nolan hadn’t been able to react because, to (F/N)’s delight, she had managed a non-verbal spell in self-defence.

While Nolan ran from the bathroom in the direction of the hospital wing, shrieking in a fashion that reminded (F/N) of a fleeing pig, (F/N) also left, having forgotten all about why she went in there in the first place. She found Lily waiting patiently in the common room and, when she saw the colour in (F/N)’s cheeks, she became concerned and soon extracted from her the details of the confrontation.

“God, the lengths she’ll go to …” hissed Lily as they walked to dinner. “She’s absolutely ridiculous!”

(F/N) didn’t say anything but nodded along with Lily as she quietly ranted away.

“But _you_ performed non-verbal magic!” Lily went on, beaming at her friend. “That’s N.E.W.T-level stuff; they probably won’t start teaching that until our sixth year, at least,”

(F/N) smiled; it was always nice to know that a witch as talented as Lily found her own feats impressive. Still, it wasn’t a big deal; anyone could learn non-verbal magic and she told Lily so.

“Not before O.W.Ls!” Lily insisted, turning the corner and walking through the big doors. On the other side of the room, sitting at the Slytherin table, Nolan’s friends were all sitting round wondering where their beloved leader had gone. Severus sat nearby, but separated from Moseley, Timms and the rest by four or five other people. He glanced up as the Gryffindors entered the enormous room, but seemed to be listening more intently to something very exciting that Mulciber was saying to their group.

“Oh, I don’t like Mulciber one bit,” said Lily, as though reading (F/N)’s mind. It was as if she had known exactly who (F/N) was looking at. “He’s a bit … creepy, don’t you think? I don’t know why he’s friends with him,”

(F/N) smiled sympathetically and reached for a pitcher of pumpkin juice. She nodded her agreement again as she filled her goblet, and Lily’s. “Severus seems to like him well enough,” she pointed out. She supposed there had to be more than one reason why their friend had gravitated towards people like those, for Severus was, quite obviously, very complex.

“Thank you,” said Lily, picking up her juice. She did not seem convinced that Severus liking Mulciber was an entirely good thing, though. (F/N) decided to let the subject drop.

“Do you want to come with me to see my ‘project’ later?” said (F/N) quietly, careful not to let anybody else hear.

Lily looked up with a bright little smile and her eyes twinkled happily. “I’d love to!” she said, cutting open a baked potato. “But … won’t Sev be coming with you?”

“Yes, I hope so,” said (F/N), taking a sip of her drink. “Why?”

“Well, don’t you think it’ll look a bit strange if three of us wander off this evening? If there are only two of you there will be fewer people to catch …”

(F/N) shrugged her shoulders and admitted that Lily was right. “I suppose, but it won’t look any _less_ weird with two. If anything, it’ll probably look weirder,”

Lily laughed, realising the joke. “Like you need any more rumours swirling about without people saying you’re sneaking off to meet some boy,”

(F/N) chuckled darkly to herself. “As if anyone would believe that,” she said.

Lily laughed harder still, this time nearly choking on her food. “Don’t be so hard on yourself,” she said. “You’re so pretty … I’m surprised no one’s asked you out yet,”

(F/N) blushed; Lily was too kind. If anything it was she who all the boys were looking at. She told her so and she snorted with incredulity.

“I’m sure that whenever a boy was ‘looking at me’ he was actually looking at you,” said Lily. “We’re always together, after all,”

(F/N) shook her head and let this subject drop too. She could argue until she was blue in the face but she’d never win.

After dinner, (F/N) and Lily left the school to find Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew loitering suspiciously by the doors to the Entrance Hall. They spotted them instantly and, while Lupin looked away as though in embarrassment, sly grins crossed the faces of the other three.

“Common room,” said (F/N) quietly, making a very natural turn down the next corridor. Lily did not question her.

At the top of the marble stairs, because Pettigrew had been sent scuttling after them as a scout, (F/N) and Lily gave the Fat Lady the password but, before she could acknowledge them, the portrait swung open to allow a group of sixth and seventh-years to leave. (F/N) gave Lily a look that told her exactly what she was about to do, and Lily nodded, climbing through the portrait hole and leaving (F/N) to melt into hiding behind the older and much taller students. Pettigrew never noticed her passing him a second time.

(F/N) followed the older students for a short while, so as to remain hidden for as long as possible; they hadn’t even noticed the third-year trailing surreptitiously in their wake. Thankfully, the Marauders seemed to be at a loss for where (F/N) might have gone other than the common room, because they certainly didn’t come looking for her in the other direction.

Eventually the older students passed a doorway that (F/N) knew she could go through to skirt around the usual corridors. Soon, she was walking quickly across the grounds towards the forest, keeping as close to the shadows she passed as she could. The dark tree-line, as it rose before her, was a welcome sight and its shade a relief as it passed coolly over her skin. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust, then she plunged into the trees in earnest as the murk opened up to reveal one of the less frequently traversed paths that she could use.

Reaching the glade took a bit longer than usual, but perhaps that was because (F/N) was being particularly cautious. She didn’t want to find that she was being followed, nor did she want to stumble across some magical creature she had not yet befriended and inspire its wrath. Having only come this way a couple of times in the past, she had not known what to expect of it this evening but seeing Aeolus standing pawing at the ground in the clearing, his tail swishing merrily behind him, was an enormous reprieve.

As she entered the small clearing, Aeolus looked up and let out a cheerful squawk. He trotted over, making her chuckle and she pet him as always. She then went to the place she hid the food she gave him. Just as she reached the tree, (F/N) got the fright of her life and staggered backwards.

“Merlin’s _beard,_ Sev! You scared the hell out of me!” she gasped breathlessly. She glanced up from her stooped position and gave him a reproachful look.

The black-haired Slytherin moved from the shadows and looked at her as though her reaction had been a bit over the top. He didn’t say anything for a moment, apparently allowing her to recover from the shock of seeing him there. Finally, he said, “Why are you still surprised to see me here?”

“I – I’m not!” spluttered (F/N), standing up straight again. Her heart had finally stopped trying to punch a hole in her chest. “Why would you stand lurking in the shadows like that?”

Severus’ look now became one that suggested the answer should be obvious. Regardless of that, he replied, “People have been harassing you about this place. If they decided to come here first, seeing me standing here wouldn’t have gone down well either, would it?”

(F/N) thought about it for a moment. She hadn’t realised how much Severus was aware of in terms of the Marauders’ and Nolan’s pestering. “I suppose not,” she said, peering curiously at him. He seemed much paler, standing in semi-darkness with the dying sunlight behind her casting onto his face. A gentle breeze rustled the trees, a sound that (F/N) now associated with summer at Hogwarts.

“I assumed they were following you tonight,” said Severus, breaking the silence that had fallen between them.

(F/N) looked down at the grass, strewn with buttercups and daisies, and nodded. “They were,” she sighed, walking to where Aeolus’ food was hidden. She took out some magically-preserved rodents and turned back to throw them to the waiting hippogriff, stamping impatiently as she talked to Severus. “Potter and Black and the others, I mean. Not Nolan; I sent her to the hospital wing,”

“I heard,”

(F/N) fell into awkward silence again, widening her eyes and raising her eyebrows in a brief motion as if to tell him things were a little uncomfortable. There were no sounds except for the occasional chirruping of birds and the wind in the leaves. (F/N) walked off to attend to Aeolus who had missed the fact that he had, in his excitement, thrown one of his dead rats into a nearby bush.

“Can I?”

(F/N) looked up after retrieving the jettisoned rat. Severus was looking at her, trying – as she could clearly tell – to hide an emotion that was bordering on eagerness to participate rather than learn by observation. She instantly felt bad for not having offered him the chance before and, in what turned out to be a rather morbid presentation, handed him the dead rodent.

“Have you –?”

“Bowed? Yes,” said Severus. “Or he’d never have let me stay as long as I did without you,”

(F/N) shrugged again, almost as if trying to rid herself of the silent implication that she had asked a silly question. Severus did not seem disdainful, though. Aeolus looked to him, snapping his head suddenly in the young wizard’s direction, and stomped about excitedly in what appeared to be some kind of dance. Severus got as close as he dared before tossing the rat the rest of the way through the air, straight into Aeolus’ horrendously sharp beak. He snapped it up in one bite, squawked again, and ran off to do a lap around the glade.

“Looks like someone’s got a new best friend,” (F/N) chuckled.

Severus looked at her curiously but once again didn’t comment – again. He seemed to be waiting for an elaboration.

(F/N) rolled her eyes playfully. “He likes you,” she said.

She strolled off around the edge of the clearing herself, looking half-interestedly at the ground, bushes and trees in a sweeping motion of her head. Severus felt compelled to follow.

“What are you looking for?”

“Some plants that will help Aeolus if he gets sick or hurt,” said (F/N). “I was just wondering if any grew around here this time of year, or if I’d just have to go deeper into the forest …”

Curious, Severus asked her some questions about the sorts of plants that would help creatures rather than humans. (F/N) would never have professed to be an expert on the topic, but she was pleased to find that she had the answers. The sun had set, and the sky was a tie-dye of pinks, purples and dark blues, and a few streaky clouds, once white, were now indigo against their twilit backdrop.

“Sometimes Aeolus doesn’t want to play, but he does like the company,” said (F/N), responding to another quietly-asked question about whether the hippogriff required further attention. “On days like these, it’s nicer for him to just have someone else around,”

It was Aeolus who heard it first, looking up from the other side of the clearing. He spread his wings wide and flapped them in warning, screeching to alert (F/N) to the presence of an intruder. (F/N) whirled around and Severus mirrored her perfectly. Neither of them knew what – or who – they were expecting to see, but as soon as she saw them (F/N)’s fear mixed with a lack of surprise, and soon she felt neither.

“Caught red-handed!” sniggered Black, swaggering into the dusky glade. “Castor and Snivellus, out on an evening walk …”


	20. Chapter 20

As (F/N) watched the trees around the clearing she saw the rest of the Marauders coming forward. “Just as we thought,” said Potter, emerging from behind another tree and looking extraordinarily smug.

(F/N) and Severus scowled at Black and Potter with great intensity. Pettigrew and Lupin came from the shadows behind their ringleaders, one of them tittering stupidly and unnecessarily and the other looking incredibly uncomfortable. (F/N) realised, with disbelief, that none of the boys had seen the young – but still very large – hippogriff glaring angrily at them. Although she disliked them, she _really_ didn’t want to see them gored by a creature who thought it would be protecting her.

“So what did you do to her, Snivellus? Slip her a Love Potion? Confund her, maybe?” Black sneered. (F/N) glanced to her side and saw only the side of Severus’ face. He was glaring at them, but he looked mortified at the same time.

“For supposedly clever people you really do say the stupidest things,” (F/N) barked. Every pair of eyes latched onto her. “Take a look around and you’ll realise what we’re doing,”

Black, although clearly loathe to do as (F/N) told him, glanced around the clearing and nearly baulked. “What the f—,”

“You wanted to know where I’ve been sneaking off to every day? There’s your answer,” (F/N) growled, cutting Black off before he could swear. Severus remained silent, and for once in their lives Potter and Black were speechless too. Lupin appeared quite content to stay near the shadows and not provoke Aeolus; Pettigrew was whimpering and almost quaking where he stood.

“He won’t hurt you as long as you don’t make any sudden movements,” said (F/N) in a far more casual tone than could possibly be reassuring. Of course, that was how she meant her voice to sound. “And _I_ won’t hurt you as long as you don’t tell anyone what you saw here,”

Potter rounded on her. “ _You’re_ threatening _us_?” he snorted. “You’re in no position …”

“I’m in _prime_ position,” said (F/N) dangerously. “Kettleburn knows, and so does Hagrid. You tell Professor McGonagall – or Dumbledore – and I’ll have all the defence I need,”

Potter looked at her with uncertainty. It was getting quite dark now and he didn’t fancy his chances in this situation, especially at night. The duskiness of the forest seemed to contribute to (F/N)’s own disquiet – she had no idea whether Kettleburn and Hagrid would actually defend her if she was brought before her Head of House and the Headmaster for questioning about her activities. _And_ she’d brought another student along … Would she be seen to have jeopardised Severus’ safety? Aeolus wasn’t dangerous, as long as she was there ... and even when she wasn’t, Aeolus had accepted Severus’ presence without question …

“Seriously, you four … Back off _now_ ,” she hissed.

“What’s he doing here?” Black demanded, nodding impersonally towards Severus.

“Not that it’s any of your business, but Severus is helping me. As you can probably see, the hippogriff’s quite big now,”

She didn’t want the Marauders to know that Severus had asked her for help in Care of Magical Creatures. The poor guy would never hear the end of it …

“And how did _you_ come across it? The hippogriff …”

(F/N) bristled at the interrogatory tone of Black’s voice. “That’s none of your damn business!” she snapped, repeating herself on purpose. He was so _nosy_.

“Well then, I think we best go back and tell McGonagall anyway,” said Black, shrugging his shoulders and smirking. He was effortlessly handsome, but he was also maddeningly arrogant and it was difficult to see beyond that, most days. “Think she’ll let us off for being out so late?”

“You know full well she won’t …” said Lupin very quietly from the back.

“Maybe not,” said Black seriously. Then his normal, antagonistic tone returned with renewed conviction. “But they’re at our mercy now,”

His cocky little smirk sent (F/N) over the edge. She drew her wand at precisely the same time as they did, but her magic was too fast for theirs. “ _Impedimenta!_ ” she shouted, and all of them slowed to a complete standstill.

“No, we really _aren’t_ at your mercy,” growled (F/N), looking from Black to Potter, to the other two and back again. “Here’s what we’re going to do: You’re going to walk away and pretend none of this ever happened, and I won’t tell anyone that you’ve all been sneaking around after curfew,”

The four boys’ eyes widened considerably, but Potter was the only one with the capacity to speak; somehow (F/N) had rendered the others silent, unless that was their astonishment at (F/N)’s lightning-quick magic.

“How do you know what we’ve been doing?”

“Seriously? Pettigrew gabs louder than a budgie on Babbling Beverage,” (F/N) sniggered, still with her wand skimming over them in rather dire fashion. Slowly, the spell wore off on them, leaving them free to control their own bodies once more. None of them threatened (F/N) or Severus further. The first thing Potter did was look over his shoulder at Pettigrew, with what (F/N) was sure would be some kind of withering glare for his indiscretion.

“How many people know?” Potter grumbled as he turned back to face (F/N). He couldn’t help noticing how the hippogriff wasn’t attacking and wondered if (F/N)’s control over the beast was absolute, or whether their mutual respect for each other prevented its advance on him and his friends.

“No one,” said (F/N) honestly. “Just me, and obviously now Severus does too. You were whispering about being out after hours when you were on your way back to the common room a few weeks ago. Pettigrew was a bit louder, of course,”

“And where were you?” snapped Black.

“About fifteen feet behind you,” (F/N) smirked.

“Why?”

“I’d been in the library,”

Black and Potter glanced at each other and looked, (F/N) was delighted to see, slightly embarrassed. Then, at length, Black said, “Fine. We won’t say a word. But don’t you dare tell anyone about what we’re doing!”

“You have my word,”

“Or you, Snivellus!”

“Don’t call him that,”

“I won’t say anything,” Severus cut in, rolling his eyes. He was not happy about having to defend the people who always made his life difficult, but he was part of (F/N)’s secret now as well … He had to agree to these terms.

Potter scowled at him. “Of _course_ you won’t, you sneaky little …”

“Stop it,” (F/N) said loudly, with a strong note of finality. “You have my word, and Severus’. That should be good enough,”

One of the boys grumbled unhappily, as though unsure that their secret really was safe. (F/N) understood; she wasn’t entirely certain herself that Severus would hold his tongue because of the way the Marauders treated him, but she had to hope. She trusted him more than she trusted the others, anyway.

“Fine,” Black said again. “Tonight didn’t happen,”

(F/N) nodded once in agreement. “All right then,” she said quietly. Somewhere off to her side, Aeolus was calming down; she could no longer hear the angry and distressed flapping of his great, black wings. “I guess that will be all, then,”

She watched with only the smallest of smirks as the Marauders turned on their heels and went back the way they came, muttering bitterly as they went. When she was quite sure they were out of earshot, (F/N) spun round to look at Severus. He was regarding her with a completely unreadable expression but his black eyes seared into her like branding irons.

“Shall we head back?” she asked, meeting his gaze with an equally serious one. Severus simply nodded, and they departed the forest after (F/N) bade Aeolus goodnight. On the way back to the castle, (F/N) thought it best not to mention anything to Severus about what had just happened, because it was he who suffered most frequently at the hands of Potter and Black. In fact, as they walked along under the continually darkening sky, stars winking at them from above, not a single word passed either of their lips. It had been a bit of a shock, to be confronted like that.

Once safely back inside the castle, at the foot of the marble stairs, the two hastily took their leave of each other. The longer they loitered, the more likely they were to be caught by a teacher – or worse still, Filch, who already had a reputation for being a harsh and dogged disciplinarian.

“See you tomorrow,” said (F/N) quickly, and as loudly as she dared.

Severus merely nodded and hurried off towards the dungeons. The torches lit along the walls magnified his shadow enormously, flitting along the walls beside him like a gigantic twin.

(F/N) made haste to Gryffindor Tower, making certain not to dawdle. The Fat Lady had grown used to her night-time excursions and so never questioned her lateness – provided, of course, she didn’t turn up at two o’clock in the morning. This evening, she was fortunate enough to be permitted access to the common room halfway through saying the password, but that didn’t stop the Fat Lady from muttering something about ‘too many unruly Gryffindors’ being out that evening.

Lily was waiting up for (F/N) and was once again sitting in one of the big chairs in front of the fire. (F/N) flopped down in the chair opposite, and the look on her face instantly alarmed Lily.

“What happened?” she asked anxiously, leaning so far forward in her seat that (F/N) thought she would fall out of it and onto the floor.

“Potter and the others found us,” said (F/N) simply. She couldn’t help feeling a twinge of concern at the thought that it would be well within those boys’ capabilities to betray the ‘agreement’ they’d come to. She sat down opposite and explained everything to Lily, whose eyes were so wide that (F/N) might have said that Aeolus had eaten one of the Marauders instead of what really happened.

“But if they _do_ tell McGonagall …” Lily whispered apprehensively.

“Then we’ll be minus four Gryffindors …” said (F/N) darkly. The sheer menace in her tone caused Lily to shift uncomfortably in her seat, although she knew that her friend was more than likely joking … albeit in a very serious manner. “Anyway …” she went on, drawing out the ‘a, “… we should probably get some sleep. I can deal with whatever happens, _when_ it happens,”

“ _If_ it happens,” Lily corrected. (F/N) gave her a small, appreciative smile as they rose from their armchairs; she always knew how to make things seem even a little bit better, even when the odds were against them.

That night, (F/N) must have slept rather fitfully because she awoke the next morning feeling as though she’d been on some wild adventure in her sleep. While she couldn’t remember her dreams, she felt quite certain that Aeolus had had something to do with it and, in her first waking moments of the day that she had spent staring at the canopy over her bed, (F/N) realised that the strange feeling that pulsed softly through her being was the same as that which she always felt after dreaming about dragons overhead, and someone following her through the woods ...

So did her unconscious mind remember the dream? Was that what she’d been thinking about to make her so restless? (F/N) couldn’t be certain, but she thought that it might be useful to look into that during her next Divination lesson. They weren’t due to study dream interpretation that year, but it seemed likely that one of their other, recently studied methods might help her find the answers she sought.

When she found within her soul the strength and the conviction to roll out of bed and get dressed, (F/N) made her way down to Aeolus’ glade to feed him as normal. She had accepted that her charge had grown up enough – even though he was less than a year old – to take care of himself in her absence, but he still needed her regardless. She found him anxiously awaiting her arrival, and any tension the hippogriff may have felt for not seeing her quite as early as usual evaporated instantly, for he was upon her demanding affection within seconds of spotting her.

Seeing Aeolus in such high spirits put (F/N) in a much better mood and she found herself smiling all the way up to the Great Hall for breakfast. At least, she thought, she no longer had to contend with Lily questioning where she went off to all the time.

Breakfast was uneventful but came with a cheery greeting from Lily who had still been fast asleep when (F/N) left the dormitory. It was only upon seeing her beaming face that (F/N) realised that she had gone an entire feeding session with Aeolus without noticing Severus’ absence. Perhaps, she thought, he had other business to attend to that morning. Sleeping, maybe. That was what she would have preferred to do herself, seeing as how Aeolus was often able to find his own food on the days she couldn’t make it to him … but she had a responsibility to look after him, and that was what she would do until the day he didn’t need her anymore.

As the day wore on, however, certain events and details caught (F/N)’s attention. Even Lily noticed, and they weren’t even things that could possibly concern her. Nolan and her gang were quieter than usual, but that didn’t mean they’d stopped their sneering. The Marauders, too, were rather subdued; at first, (F/N) thought it was because she’d put them to rights the evening before, but as time went on she began to fancy that the other boys were rather pointedly ignoring Pettigrew or were not, at the very least, treating him quite as kindly and patiently as they normally did.

By the time Transfiguration rolled around for the last lesson of the day, (F/N) knew that something was very wrong. McGonagall fixed her with a hard stare, one that reminded her of the time she had called (F/N), Lily, Severus and the Marauders to her office that break-time during their first year. A shiver ran down (F/N)’s spine, and her apprehension did not ease as the lesson dragged by. She thought, fleetingly, that by the end she might have escaped whatever terrible reason McGonagall was eyeballing her for …

She was wrong.

“Miss Castor, a word, if you please,”

Lily glanced nervously at (F/N), watching as she packed the last few items into her bag and swung it over her shoulder. Lily did the same, but her expression quickly became one of guilt as she picked up her bag and said, “See you in a bit,” before leaving her to whatever fate awaited her.

Once all of the other students had filed out of the room, some of them looking back over their shoulders at (F/N), wondering what she could have done to warrant such sternness from Professor McGonagall, (F/N) walked up to her desk and waited patiently for her to speak.

“It has come to my attention, Miss Castor, that you have been partaking in – shall we say – ‘extracurricular activities’ that are not approved of by the school, by any stretch of the imagination,”

(F/N) stared at McGonagall for a moment, eyes widening almost imperceptibly. “ _That was quick,_ ” she thought. It had only been a day since the Marauders had found out about her ‘excursions’, so which one of them had blabbed? She had thought – perhaps naively, looking back – that her own threats towards them would be enough to keep them quiet. But no – now she had their Head of House to answer to.

“You’re talking about the forest, aren’t you?” said (F/N) gingerly, but it was clear from her tone of voice – although respectful as always – that she wasn’t afraid to talk.

Professor McGonagall nodded, and seemed to know what (F/N) was thinking. “Indeed,” she said. “I must admit, when initially faced with the prospect of questioning you on this, I fully expected you to be forthcoming with information. You have been nothing but honest with me on the two occasions I’ve had cause to take you aside,”

(F/N) looked down at her feet and nodded. The prospect of having Aeolus taken away from her, and possibly being expelled herself, now weighed heavily on her heart. Her best hope was to apologise, and also to hope that Hagrid and Professor Kettleburn might come to her rescue.

“I’m sorry, Professor. I never meant for Aeolus to become a hazard. Has he ... has he hurt someone?” she asked tentatively, pretending this was her reason for asking. In reality, she was hoping to dig beneath the surface and find out who had ratted her out.

Professor McGonagall looked at her curiously and stood. She was much taller than (F/N) but she no longer intimidated her like she used to. “No, he hasn’t hurt anyone, but … You gave the hippogriff a name?”

“Yes,” said (F/N), surprised at the question. Of _course_ he had a name. “He hatched in front of me, so he thinks I’m his mother. I’ve been raising him all year,”

McGonagall’s expression was unreadable, but she moved around the desk and was making for the door before (F/N) had any inkling of what was going on. “Follow me, Miss Castor,”

(F/N) did as she was told but couldn’t help asking, “Where are we going?”

“To the Headmaster’s office,”

(F/N)’s stomach felt as though it was suddenly cast out of lead. She had never had cause to speak to, or be spoken to by, Professor Dumbledore and she wasn’t sure that this was going to be a very good reason to do so now. Certainly nothing good could come of this. Surely she was in even deeper trouble than she thought she had been with McGonagall.

She followed her Head of House all the way to the entrance to the Headmaster’s office on the seventh floor of the castle, where a great stone gargoyle stood sentinel. Professor McGonagall spoke clearly the passphrase: “Mint humbugs”, which caused the gargoyle to leap aside and admit them to what appeared to be a slowly ascending spiral staircase. (F/N) followed McGonagall up the stairs while distracting herself with musings relating to the quirky password. Maybe Dumbledore had a penchant for confectionery, (F/N) thought.

At the top of the stairs there was a large wooden door, which Professor McGonagall knocked upon twice. The deep but very calm voice of Professor Dumbledore called out from within, “Come in,”

(F/N) was suddenly more frightened than she had ever been in her entire life. She shakily followed McGonagall into the beautiful circular office, filled with trinkets of all kinds and funny little noises. It was like a curio shop, (F/N) thought, with all its magical knickknacks.

“Ah, Professor McGonagall,” said Professor Dumbledore serenely. “And who might you have with you? Not young Miss Castor?”

(F/N)’s eyes widened so much she felt sure her eyelids would get stuck in her head. How did Professor Dumbledore know _her?_

“Yes,” said Professor McGonagall quickly. “Yes, and I’ve brought her here to explain certain matters to you, Professor, before we summon anyone else,”

(F/N) didn’t know what to do or say. She was completely tongue-tied, for one thing, and rooted to the spot. She was so terrified she didn’t even know what to make of the fact that McGonagall was implying that other people would be brought to this office as well.

“And what matters, exactly, are to be explained?” asked Professor Dumbledore calmly. Far from angry, the headmaster actually looked rather intrigued by the situation. He sat, in his chair behind the desk, with his fingers intertwined and his elbows resting on the desk so that he could look at (F/N) from over his half-moon spectacles, all while maintaining his expression of deep interest.

Knowing that she was now allowed to speak, (F/N) explained everything that had led up to this moment, excluding the part about someone clearly having snitched on her because she couldn’t very well _suppose_ a thing like that without proof. Professor Dumbledore said nothing but continued to listen as (F/N) nervously told him all about how she had taken on the care of this young hippogriff, and how she had been making sure that he was properly fed and exercised and kept well away from anyone who might accidentally stumble upon him.

When she had finished, Dumbledore nodded thoughtfully and tilted his head to one side as though considering what to do next. When he finally spoke, he still did not sound angry.

“Professor McGonagall, please could you send for Hagrid, Professor Kettleburn and your informant? I suppose there must have been one; I cannot imagine Miss Castor would have volunteered this information of her own accord,”

Professor McGonagall nodded and swept from the room, although now (F/N) sensed no anger emanating from her. Once she had left the room, however, (F/N) noticed how very vulnerable she felt, standing alone in the Headmaster’s office. She looked straight down at her feet and didn’t dare move. She hardly dared _breathe._

“Please, Miss Castor, do have a seat,”

(F/N) looked up anxiously to see Professor Dumbledore offering her the chair in front of his desk. She stepped forward nervously and did as she was told, seating herself timidly in front of him. He was a kindly-looking old wizard, and under the gaze of those bright blue eyes (F/N) got the distinct impression that Dumbledore could tell what she was thinking. Indeed, he confirmed that not two minutes later.

“You do not have to be frightened, Miss Castor. I won’t expel you, if that is what you are afraid of,”

“Y-you won’t?” (F/N) stammered.

“No, certainly not,” said Dumbledore, shaking his head. (F/N) blushed but found herself unable to speak once again. She _wasn’t_ going to be expelled … she was struggling to cope with her immense relief … “That would be a great waste of extraordinary talent, I think. Your teachers speak very highly of you,”

“You are very like your parents,” said Dumbledore suddenly, interrupting himself. (F/N) started and looked up, meeting his eyes. “The smarts and dedication of both; the wit and rebelliousness of your father; the dignity and skill of your mother. I’m quite sure they would be enormously proud of their daughter,”

(F/N), for the first time that day, felt a wide, genuine smile breaking on her face. Of course Dumbledore would have known her parents. It brought her great joy to hear that she was following in their footsteps, even unwittingly. It was hearing things like that which made her forget her sadness over never having known them.

“Thank you, sir,” she managed, glancing shyly from her hands in her lap to the Headmaster’s face and back again.

Just then, Professor McGonagall glided back into the room with three people in tow. Professor Kettleburn hurried along immediately behind her, with Hagrid clumping along behind him as closely as he dared. The giant nearly hit his head on the door lintel as he bustled into the large office, for although it could have housed Aeolus better than his clearing, Hagrid took up the vast majority of the floor space and made the whole room appear smaller than it really was. Hagrid therefore stuck politely to an unoccupied corner where he wouldn’t be in anyone’s way.

And, last but not least, the one who had turned (F/N) in: Patty Nolan. She smirked at (F/N) as she strutted into Dumbledore’s office behind the teachers, acting very much as though she owned the place. The wind was suddenly howling about the tower, which was very unusual given the beautiful weather they’d been having, especially given the time of year. It seemed to be trying to get into the office with them; (F/N) hoped that if it did, it would suck Nolan straight out of the window and send her spiralling into oblivion.

(F/N) rose from her chair and stood to attention in front of Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore, although quite obviously separated from the three additional people who had joined them. She didn’t dare look at Kettleburn or Hagrid, for fear that either the Headmaster or Deputy Headmistress would think that she was trying to curry favour from them by shooting them with beseeching looks. That _was_ what she wanted to do, after all.

“Now,” said Dumbledore slowly, taking over from McGonagall in a heartbeat. “I’m sure you all know why you are here,”

Nolan nodded, a little too eagerly to be considered a good thing by anyone. Professor Kettleburn nodded solemnly, whereas Hagrid looked a little befuddled.

“Miss Nolan here says that Miss Castor has been raising a hippogriff in the Forbidden Forest,”

“Yes, sir, quite right, sir …” Nolan blustered, her chest swelling with self-importance. Professor Dumbledore held up a hand to quiet her.

“Miss Castor has already told us – that is, Professor McGonagall and I – everything there is to know about the situation,” said the Headmaster calmly. His blue eyes twinkled as his gaze swept over to (F/N), resting on her for a fraction of a second before returning to the others. “What we would first like to hear from you, Miss Nolan, is how you came to know about the hippogriff yourself,”

Nolan flinched slightly, knowing that she couldn’t very well say that she, too, had been sneaking about in the Forbidden Forest. As it happened, though, that really wasn’t how she’d found out about Aeolus.

“I overheard Peter Pettigrew talking about it,” said Nolan. (F/N) was suddenly livid, but she could tell that Nolan wasn’t lying. Her anger had been sparked by Pettigrew’s foolishness and carelessness, and now she understood why his friends had appeared short-tempered with him; they had taken their truce with (F/N) seriously, and Pettigrew had ruined it. Maybe they were worried that (F/N) would exact revenge on them for this …

“Peter Pettigrew?” McGonagall repeated. “How on earth would he know anything about it?”

“He followed me the other evening,” (F/N) blurted, before Nolan could have the chance. She turned and glared at her, annoyed at having her spotlight taken as every member of staff’s eyes became fixed on (F/N). “I don’t know why,” she said, deepening her lie. If it had _only_ been Pettigrew’s fault, she saw no reason to get the other three in trouble. Perhaps she could use that as leverage one day.

“The way _I_ heard it, Professor …” Nolan simpered, dragging her sneering gaze away from (F/N). “… was that Pettigrew had seen Castor wandering off in the evenings and _that_ was how he found out,”

“And none of his friends knew about any of this before Pettigrew told them?” asked McGonagall severely.

“They appeared not to, no,” said Nolan. (F/N) could hardly believe her ears; she wouldn’t be caught in a lie after all. So Nolan had misunderstood the situation …

“Very well, then,” said McGonagall slowly. “I shall have a word with Mr Pettigrew _personally_ about trespassing in the forest. Now, Professor Kettleburn …”

Professor Kettleburn looked up from the spot on the carpet he had been so deeply fascinated by and blinked. “Yes, Professor McGonagall?”

“Were you aware that Miss Castor was caring for the hippogriff in question?”

“Yes,” said Kettleburn simply. “She was there when it hatched, as I’m sure she told you. Seeing as how she excels in my class, I thought it might be a good project for her to continue to raise and care for the creature,”

Professor McGonagall nodded slowly as though trying to comprehend; Professor Dumbledore also nodded, but as though he fully understood; Nolan stood with her arms hanging limply at her sides, wearing a dumbfounded expression. (F/N) had to suppress a smirk; obviously Nolan wasn’t getting quite as far with this as she’d hoped.

“And you didn’t think to discuss with the Headmaster the appropriateness of a third-year raising a hippogriff?

Again, Professor Dumbledore held up a quieting hand.

“I quite understand your stance, Professor McGonagall. We are, after all, talking mainly of Miss Castor’s safety with a creature such as a hippogriff,” he said, turning to smile gently at (F/N). “However, I do not think that Professor Kettleburn’s confidence in Miss Castor was misplaced. You do remember her father, don’t you, and how gifted he was himself?”

Professor McGonagall seemed to flush a little pink. “Yes, I remember Magnus well …” she said quietly, leaving (F/N) quite stunned. Had McGonagall perhaps been in the same year as her father?

“Hagrid …” said Dumbledore, nodding at McGonagall’s answer. “Miss Castor says you have been helping her to care for her hippogriff,”

Hagrid looked startled and didn’t seem to know what to say at first, but then he caught sight of the sly grin that had snuck back onto Nolan’s face and he quickly found his words. “Yes, sir. Told (F/N) everythin’ I know about hippogriffs! Professor Kettleburn, too. We taught her how to feed ‘im, how to keep ‘im happy … You know, all the proper stuff,”

Dumbledore continued to nod thoughtfully while McGonagall had now fallen completely silent. “And has the hippogriff … I’m dreadfully sorry, Miss Castor, what do you call him again?”

“Aeolus, sir,” she replied, in a very mousy voice. She still wasn’t quite used to talking to him, even though he’d shown no signs of being about to reprimand her in any way.

“Ah, yes! A fine name, if I may say so,” said the Headmaster approvingly. “Has the hippogriff Aeolus ever left the sanctuary of the forest, Hagrid?”

Hagrid thought for a moment, then said, “If he has, ain’t nothin’ to show fer it. Obviously he can fly now, but he’s been no bother,” He added a nonchalant shrug of his colossal shoulders as though to consolidate his point.

Dumbledore smiled at Hagrid over his half-moon spectacles. “No attacks or destruction of any kind?”

“No, sir. He’s a good hippogriff. A very good one,” said Hagrid proudly, suppressing a scowl as Nolan rolled her eyes. “Does everythin’ ‘is mum tells ‘im, and he loves visitors!”

(F/N) couldn’t help but grin. Hagrid often referred to her as Aeolus’ ‘mum’, all because he hatched in front of her and essentially chose her. It was true as well, she thought, that Aeolus enjoyed visitors – as long as they bowed and made no indication that they meant trouble or harm, he would receive them quite happily and would play with them until they left. So far he had only met Severus, Hagrid and Kettleburn (and the Marauders, but they didn’t count) but (F/N) hoped that by the time Aeolus was old enough he would be able to participate in Care of Magical Creatures classes.

Dumbledore smiled again. “Very well, Hagrid – thank you. That is all I needed to know,”

Everyone stared at Dumbledore for a few seconds while he appeared to consider his next words. When they came, Nolan’s jaw may as well have hit the floor.

“It is my decision that Miss Castor shall not receive detention or any kind of punishment for going into the Forbidden Forest alone, nor shall Aeolus be removed from her care. Miss Castor,” he then said, looking straight through to her soul, it seemed. “You may continue as you were. You clearly have control of the situation, and you have demonstrated a level of responsibility that would only be expected of a much older and more experienced witch, although arguably you are possessed of experience far beyond your years,”

(F/N) beamed and blushed simultaneously. Nolan looked appalled and attempted to splutter a protest but got no further in her endeavours than making a lot of silly noises. Hagrid and Kettleburn smiled broadly, evidently very pleased with the outcome and Professor McGonagall was now smiling slightly, although for the most part she remained as cool and collected as she usually was.

“Now,” said Professor Dumbledore, clapping his hands together and reseating himself behind his desk. “I believe that everything is now in order. You may all resume your evenings,”

The teachers nodded at once and made to leave, with McGonagall making a very obvious point of ushering Nolan out with her as she continued to gawp uselessly at Dumbledore for the decision he had made. When she was almost at the door, Nolan appeared to come out of a reverie of some kind and shot (F/N) with the filthiest glare she had ever had the misfortune of seeing. When the door closed, (F/N), too, made to leave but stopped herself to thank the Headmaster for his generosity.

“Not at all, Miss Castor,” he said warmly, although as calmly as ever. “In fact, I think that your efforts should be properly rewarded. Would twenty house points be sufficient?”

(F/N)’s eyes widened again. She heard a portrait behind her – one of Hogwarts’ old headmasters or headmistresses, but she couldn’t be certain which – snort loudly in contempt.

“Th-thank you, Professor! That’s … that’s more than …”

“As modest as your mother,” said Dumbledore, smiling fondly. (F/N) was glad of the timely interruption; it had saved her from having to think of a way to finish her sentence without making a gibbering fool of herself. She smiled brightly back at her headmaster, whom she no longer found intimidating in the slightest, before bidding him goodnight and taking her leave.

On her way back to the Gryffindor common room, (F/N) could have been walking on clouds. She could no longer hear that freakish windstorm battering the castle, and the castle itself was calmer and quieter than she had ever known it. Perhaps that was because of the soft weight and headiness of the sense of peace that had settled within her entire being, she thought. (F/N) felt so light and contented that she couldn’t bring herself to care that dinner would nearly be over now, hence why she was going back to the common room. Aeolus would manage without her for one evening, as he had seen her that morning.

All that awaited her that evening was the satisfaction of knowing that she no longer had to hide Aeolus.


	21. Chapter 21

(F/N) hadn’t thought it possible for Nolan to hate her more than she already did, but in the weeks following the meeting in Dumbledore’s office Nolan had made it her topmost priority to ensure that (F/N) was watching her back at all times.

At least, (F/N) _would_ have watched her back if she felt even slightly threatened by Nolan and her gang, but she didn’t. If anything, her overall social situation had improved somewhat; the Marauders were no longer giving her as much grief as they usually did, but that didn’t stop them from tormenting Severus at every chance they got. All it meant was that every time (F/N) stepped in to defend him, Black and Potter backed off a lot quicker than they would have done in the past, and Lupin barely batted an eye. Pettigrew often had a wary eye trained carefully on (F/N), given she knew about his slip-up.

Lily had been delighted when (F/N) told her what had happened, and even Severus seemed to enjoy hearing about the outcome, even if he didn’t say much. Nolan had been going around telling anyone who would listen that (F/N) had been raising a hippogriff in the forest in secret and insisting that everybody agree with her on how dangerous and totally ludicrous it was that she should be allowed to continue her education at Hogwarts at all.

(F/N) was brought much joy by this however, as she was often told in the corridors by her classmates that they thought that it was Nolan who was the ludicrous one and that she, (F/N), was obviously very brave to have taken on the care of a young hippogriff.

Among these admirers was Haydn, who had taken to asking her more questions than ever in order to help him with his homework and revision for the end of year tests. Once or twice (F/N) had even been approached in the library by Edith Bradshaw, whose intention it was to study with her, if only briefly. It pleased (F/N) greatly to know that one of Nolan’s inner circle actually liked her and made the effort to talk to her normally behind the group’s back.

As the end of the school year drew nearer, and the days that were already gloriously sunny warmed up by another several degrees, (F/N) unfortunately discovered that Nolan was not going to let up on her usual childish pranks just because she _should_ have been revising for their tests. (F/N) resigned herself to the fact that she didn’t care how Nolan’s grades turned out, but she simply couldn’t concentrate on her own studies while Nolan, Moseley and Timms were constantly taking steps to impede her progress. It had started out with ridiculous tricks such as causing her textbooks’ pages to turn when she wasn’t looking and causing all of the ink she was using to dry up in its pot, but as June fell upon the castle grounds like a warm, heavy, fragrant blanket, the Bandits’ pranks worsened considerably; it was all (F/N) could do to dodge the hexes being sent her way, and they really were meant for her person rather than her equipment …

(F/N) did her very best to look on the bright side, though. She was achieving top grades in all of her classes despite the horrifically frequent interruptions and distractions, and another advantage of having been taken to Dumbledore’s office to discuss her guardianship of Aeolus was that all of the teachers seemed to know now what (F/N) had been up to for most of the year. This meant that Nolan was under observation, and would therefore have to be extraordinarily foolish to attempt to jinx (F/N) just before, during or right after classes. Still, (F/N) wouldn’t have put it past her, nor would she have put it past Nolan’s even stupider cronies.

(F/N) often marvelled at how someone like Nolan – who, as far as she could tell, was not _un_ intelligent, per se – could want to invest so much of her time harassing students like her, when that time could have been much better spent proving that she wasn’t a simpleton whose only hobby was bullying her fellows.

Most of the time, though, (F/N) was able to put all thoughts of Nolan out of her mind for the sake of her schoolwork. She wasn’t quite sure that she _wasn’t_ imagining things, but sometimes she felt as though she had slightly more homework than her friends in subjects like Transfiguration and Charms, but when she compared her set work to Lily’s, for instance, she found that she had different tasks to complete altogether.

“I wonder why that is …” she murmured, after a particularly gruelling Potions lesson. Lily had come over from her table to speak to (F/N) while she packed her bag. (F/N)’s (H/C) now resembled a lion’s mane because of how voluminous and frizzy it had become in the extraordinary heat of the dungeon that day; Lily’s ordinarily pale skin now had a very distinct pink flush to it and a few tiny beads of sweat persistently glittered on her forehead no matter how many times she tried to wipe them away; Severus looked completely unflustered in every sense of the word.

“Perhaps because you’re so far ahead?” Lily suggested, half-jokingly. “Honestly, I heard Professor McGonagall talking about you to Professor Sprout the other day – in the corridor, which was odd – but she said that she was struggling to think of anything to set you for homework because you keep outstripping her lessons …”

(F/N)’s face grew redder than it ever could have because of the heat on its own. “You must have misheard …”

“No,” Lily laughed. “No, I did not. I think they were originally talking about the hippogriff business, and then went on to say how well you’re doing,”

“Yeah, but it can’t just be me who’s doing well in class. I mean, look at you two!” (F/N) protested, feeling intensely embarrassed and wishing to cast someone else into the limelight. She was actually feeling quite exposed now, what with everyone knowing about Aeolus. It felt like having a degree of fame, walking around the school and people suddenly knowing your name because you’d been sneaking around, doing something you ought not to have been …

Just as Lily was about to respond – no doubt, (F/N) thought, with some contrarian quip – Professor Slughorn came waddling over to their small group while mopping his own glistening brow.

“I’m glad you three stayed behind, actually!” he said cheerily, not seeming to realise they hadn’t done it on purpose. The three friends all looked at the professor with curious eyes but none of them said anything, leaving Slughorn to continue. “I have a couple of things I wish to discuss with you …”

As it turned out, Slughorn had been so pleased with their progress over the past year – even more so than he had been in their first and second years – that he wished them all to be members of his ‘Slug Club’. (F/N) had heard of it and thought it strange that he should ask _her_ at least, given how most of the members of the club were either related to somebody famous or otherwise successful, or extremely gifted at Potions. It was for this last reason she was certain that Lily and Severus belonged in this club, but not her. _They_ were brilliant potioneers. _She_ was just lucky.

“I am going to slap you if you say another word about it!” said Lily aggressively, back in their dormitory that evening. “How can you even _say_ such a thing?”

“Say what?” said Evelyn, overhearing the exchange as she came in. She immediately plopped down onto her bed, staring at (F/N) and Lily.

“(F/N) doesn’t think she has any real talent in Potions,” Lily said in an exasperated tone, glancing briefly at Evelyn. “Tell me, then, why Slughorn wants _you_ to try your hand at brewing some difficult potions next year!”

(F/N) looked down at her hands in her lap. She didn’t know why Slughorn wanted her to do it – that was the other thing he had wanted to speak to them about. She didn’t know why he hadn’t asked one of the other two …

Almost as if she had read (F/N)’s mind, Lily burst out, “He wants _you_ to do it because you’re fantastic! _How_ you can make the same potion everyone else is, by following a completely different recipe is beyond us – even Slughorn!”

(F/N) dared to look Lily in the eye and managed a small smile. “Yeah, but all I really do is faff around a lot …”

“And Slughorn _loves_ that! Haven’t you seen how he’s always so excited when he realises your potion is the same as what we were _supposed_ to make, but smells like raspberry lemonade or something crazy like that?”

(F/N) could hear the frustration evaporating from Lily’s voice, to be replaced with what Lily was desperately trying to prevent from becoming a laugh. (F/N) looked at her again and grinned, pushing her friend over the edge.

“Goddamn …” Lily cursed, shaking her head as she laughed. “No one could stay cross with you, could they?”

“I hoped you wouldn’t,” (F/N) said through an enormous grin. She was grateful, though, that Lily had taken the time to inject some self-faith into her.

“Lily’s right, though,” said Evelyn suddenly, quite sure that the other two had forgotten she was there. “Everyone’s talking about how good you are. Patty Nolan _hates_ it,”

Hearing that cheered (F/N) up even more. She thought it was a bit sick that she took such pleasure in knowing she irked someone so much, but she couldn’t help it. Her grin widened but at least she tried to hide it, turning to gaze out of the dormitory window. The sky beyond was a soft, dusky hue of pink, streaked with gold, and was slowly turning to indigo. Eventually, the grounds would be blanketed in cool night-time.

That night, (F/N) had a very strange, disturbing dream. She had the impression something very bad was about to happen, and she could hear jeering laughter on all sides. She was blind, however, and could not pinpoint who the laughter belonged to. She tossed and turned in her bed, tangling herself in her sheets as the laughter grew louder and as someone grabbed her chin, presumably forcing her to face them – she didn’t know, though, because she still couldn’t see a thing. She felt tears streaming down her face, but her face was red-hot with what she thought could be anger.

Being unable to see dulled a lot of other sensations, which was odd because in the absence of one sense the others were often heightened. (F/N) could barely make out what she was feeling, let alone what was going on, but she awoke with a start, chest heaving and heart pounding, after a deafening bang sounded in her dream and a flash of light, brighter than anything she had ever encountered in her life, lit up the world she had previously been blind to.

(F/N) was thankful that her sudden awakening hadn’t roused anybody else; she didn’t fancy having to explain what had happened in her dream. She kept it to herself all day, wondering what it could have meant. (F/N) eventually dismissed the dream as nothing more than just that – a dream – and went about her usual business. The end of year tests were almost upon them and, for once in her school career, (F/N) felt confident in nearly all of her subjects. The only one causing her concern was Divination; how on earth would they even be tested on that? Surely it was a subjective experience, seeing the future?

As it turned out, Lily wasn’t feeling very confident about that subject at all. She had the same worry, that the discipline was too subjective and so how could their professor possibly grade them accurately? She shared these concerns with (F/N), mirroring her own, and the only comfort they could offer each other was that Professor Moran had been very supportive all year and seemed to be a very effective teacher and proficient seer himself.

The tests and the end of the year came faster than anyone had really been prepared for, despite a lot of work having gone into revision and homework by the majority of students. (F/N) couldn’t quite work out where the time had gone. By the time she found herself sitting in her usual spot beside the lake with her friends, all of her worries about bullies and weird dreams and her Divination test had all flown from her mind. Professor Moran had been very calm and gentle when he called (F/N) in to sit the test and had seemed to understand her trepidation. Then again, (F/N) thought, she shouldn’t have been surprised – a seer like him would almost certainly be a Legilimens as well.

(F/N) liked their spot, sitting by the edge of the lake at the end of every year. She had been to visit the spot several times during previous years and this one but had always found other people sitting there at the time. She, like Severus, preferred very few people to be around but, unlike him, (F/N) found it to simply disturb the peace rather than be an actual nuisance.

As she thought of her friend sitting behind her beneath his usual tree, reading a book, (F/N)’s mind wandered to Aeolus. What would happen to him over the summer? Surely he wouldn’t need her, but … what if he did? She couldn’t expect Hagrid to look after him for six weeks while she was away from Hogwarts …

“What’s up?” said Lily suddenly, parking herself very deliberately in the sun next to (F/N). “You look worried,”

(F/N) turned to her with wide eyes. “How the hell …?”

“You normally sunbathe or something,” Lily chuckled, poking her in the side of the head. “Now you’re just staring into space. What’s up?” she repeated.

“Just thinking about Aeolus …” (F/N) said honestly.

“I think you need to speak to Hagrid. See what your options are,”

“Do you think there will be many?”

“Maybe, maybe not. You don’t know until you ask, do you?”

(F/N) grinned. “Okay, let’s go and see him then,” she said, standing up and brushing the grit off her uniform. “Coming, Sev?”

He looked at her over the top of his book and cocked a dark eyebrow as if to say, ‘What are you talking about?’ but he closed the book with a _clunk_ and stood up regardless, ready to follow the girls to wherever it was they were proposing – he hadn’t been listening to their conversation, after all.

The trio walked leisurely to Hagrid’s house under the hot afternoon sun, listening to the grasshoppers hiding in the trees and grass and watching birds playing in the sky. It was going to be another glorious summer. When they reached Hagrid’s, they found him watering his vegetable patch but he stopped immediately to greet them.

“Hello, you three!” he said cheerfully, dropping his colossal watering can (which, incidentally, was more the size of a gallon drum than a can). “Lovely day!”

“Definitely,” said (F/N) with a bright and friendly smile. “Hagrid, I was wondering if I could talk to you about Aeolus …”

“Aeolus? ‘Course yeh can!” he said with an enormous grin of his own. “S’pose you’ll be wonderin’ what to do with ‘im over the summer?”

(F/N) nodded eagerly.

“Well, I’ve already spoken to Professor Dumbledore about it for yeh,” said Hagrid proudly. “He says – righ’? – that you can use a Disillusionment Charm on yer hippogriff an’ no one’ll see ‘im when he follows yeh home,”

(F/N)’s eyes widened to the size of satellite dishes. “But that’s …” she gasped, looking anxiously at Lily, who only seemed a tad surprised. “I’m nowhere _near_ good enough to do magic like that …”

“Professor Dumbledore seems to think otherwise,” said Hagrid, with a knowing nod of his great, shaggy head. “He knows yeh like a challenge, an’ you’re good with magic an’ all … Guess he sees no reason why yeh couldn’t pick up a book an’ study it before yeh leave …”

“But that’s tomorrow!” (F/N) burst. A fresh wave of panic crashed over her like storm-driven seas breaking over rocks. “The end of year feast is tonight and … and …”

“(F/N), _relax_ …” Lily chuckled, laying a hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Let’s go to the library now and have a look at it before dinner, yeah? And stop _doubting_ yourself, for goodness’ sake!”

(F/N) stopped herself mid-panic and looked at Lily. She was smiling calmly, reassuringly, and it was then that (F/N) realised that she was – perhaps – being too hard on herself. She took a deep breath and nodded, before looking up at Hagrid with an apologetic expression.

“I’ll try to learn the spell, but if I don’t manage it – and I hate to ask – please could you keep an eye on Aeolus for me while I’m away?”

Hagrid simply smiled at her and said, “Don’t worry, (F/N). I’m sure you’ll be fine, but o’ course Aeolus is in good hands with me. But don’t forget, you’ve got these two with yeh, so I bet by day’s end you’ll have it in the bag!” His little black eyes glittered from underneath his massive eyebrows and that smile could be seen very clearly beneath his bushy beard. “That aside, I’m sure one o’ the teachers will be happy to cast the spell instead, if it comes to it,”

(F/N) blushed and Lily grinned, while Severus remained as silent as ever. Still, (F/N) thought, she detected a distinct uplift in his aura, and she thought that might mean he was pleased with Hagrid’s comment. With her spirits lifted considerably higher than they were minutes before, (F/N) thanked Hagrid and made her way back to the castle, walking between her friends, as they headed for the library to study up on Disillusionment Charms.

“I’m so impressed …” said Lily softly as they entered the castle. She seemed to want to keep their conversation as private as possible despite the loud echoes.

“What do you mean?” said (F/N) curiously.

“First Slughorn tells you he wants you to try making some higher-level potions next year, and now Professor Dumbledore himself wants you to learn an advanced spell,” Lily said, looking at her proudly. “They must be expecting some big things from you,”

(F/N) blushed again; never before had her face felt so hot. “I don’t think that’s it …”

Lily jabbed (F/N) hard in the ribs with an unexpectedly sharp finger. When (F/N) squealed in shock, Lily gave her a look that said, ‘I told you so’, before actually saying, “Put yourself down one more time and I’ll turn your head into a cantaloupe,”

(F/N) laughed but quickly quieted herself as they came to the library doors. She didn’t want to give Madam Pince any reason to greet them immediately with a harsh reminder to keep their mouths shut. Without saying anything at all, they put their bags down on a free table and went their separate ways, each searching for a book that might tell them more about the charm. They thought they should all study it because not only would it be useful for when they were actually taught it in class, but if one of them didn’t manage it then at least Aeolus could be disguised by one of the other two. (F/N) liked this idea of tripling her chances of bringing Aeolus home very much.

Eventually, they reconvened at their table where Severus was now sitting alone, leafing through a thick book of spells their year group had most definitely never been set as a textbook. He stopped abruptly on a page that (F/N) was unable to read upside-down, but as soon as Severus had read all that he wanted to, he laid the book down flat upon the table and spun it around to face the girls. Still he abstained from speaking, but Lily and (F/N) realised on their own that he had found what they were looking for.

“Should we practise it on ourselves or on each other?” Lily asked.

“I think both, but let’s start with ourselves,” said (F/N) wisely. “I know the most immediate need for the spell is to use it on Aeolus, but if we do it on ourselves first at least we’ll be the only ones having to deal with the consequences if it all goes south,”

Everyone seemed to agree, and so they sat studying the spell for as long as they could, practising it where they could, until it was time to get ready to go to the feast.

“I wonder …” said (F/N) thoughtfully, as she and Lily made their way back from Gryffindor Tower. “If I were to cast the Disillusionment Charm on myself, how much psychological damage could I cause Nolan by pranking her for as long as the charm lasts?”

“You can’t be serious?” Lily said, turning to (F/N) with a look of bewilderment. Then, seeing (F/N)’s own expression, she couldn’t withhold the great burst of laughter that left her body. “You asked that question as if you’d read it on an exam paper,” she laughed.

“ _That’s_ what you found funny?” (F/N) laughed back. “Honestly …”

“Well, that and the fact that you seemed to be debating it for a moment …”

“Maybe I was. She is a blight on our lives,”

Lily laughed even harder, filling the corridor with sounds of happiness. Other students walking through the castle turned to stare at them, but most of them couldn’t help smiling along – their mirth was infectious.

“Maybe you should just focus on using it on Aeolus for now,” Lily chuckled, putting her hands to her cheeks as though to check her temperature. She fanned her eyes, having laughed so much that tears welled up in them.

“Yes, Mum,” (F/N) teased.

(F/N) didn’t expect the end of year feast to be any different than her last two and so she was quite content, after eating yet another excellent meal with her friends, to simply sit and listen to what Professor Dumbledore was saying about their seventh-years leaving and a new year to look forward to for everyone. (F/N) saw him in quite a different light now, she had to admit.

Soon, (F/N)’s thoughts wandered back to her hippogriff getting up to goodness-knew-what in the forest. Would she be good enough to cast a Disillusionment Charm on him? Would she need Severus and Lily to help? But if she did need them, how would she do it again before the start of the new school year?

“Stop – doubting – yourself,” Lily leaned over and whispered. Her voice wasn’t nearly as savage as it was before. “You’re too hard on yourself. You’re a great witch,”

(F/N) glanced at Lily as Dumbledore went on. She had spoken so quietly that even the Gryffindors sitting around them hadn’t heard. Did she really think that, though? (F/N) could feel the colour rising in her cheeks. And how on earth had Lily known what (F/N) was thinking? Was her expression _that_ obvious?

(F/N) turned her eyes to the ceiling and smiled, a smile that was meant for her best friend; she appreciated the sentiment.

“Not as great as you,” (F/N) whispered back, studying the light, shifting evening clouds in the ceiling.

“Now you’re just being stubborn,” Lily chuckled quietly.

(F/N) wandered lazily down to the forest with Lily and Severus afterwards, and even though Aeolus was no longer a secret (F/N) had a job to shut Lily up in her excitement. The one thing she kept saying was that she had never seen a hippogriff before …

“Of course you haven’t,” (F/N) chuckled as they came into the clearing. She was surprised that Lily’s chatter hadn’t been overheard by all of the forest’s most dangerous inhabitants, because that would have been just their luck.

Aeolus came barrelling over to (F/N) as soon as he saw her, his rear hooves pounding the earth noisily as he ran. He slid to a halt when he saw Lily, though. (F/N) very calmly instructed her on how to appeal to the hippogriff, despite the fact that he wasn’t nearly as hostile towards her as he had been towards anyone else who had come along unexpectedly.

Soon, Aeolus was happily munching away on bits of dead mouse that Lily was feeding him while (F/N) prepared to cast her Disillusionment Charm upon him.

“Here goes nothing, I suppose …” (F/N) said quietly. She was acutely aware of Severus’ dark eyes resting on her; he was watching her closely, but not judging. She had known him long enough to know the difference.

Something had changed, though. Something was different, although not drastically so. The more (F/N) thought about it, the more elusive the answer to the question of ‘what’ seemed. Choosing not to dwell on it in favour of concentrating on casting her spell effectively, and not setting light to all of Aeolus’ feathers instead, (F/N) poured all of her efforts and energy into producing something useful.

Blocking all other thoughts, (F/N) focused on the charm. It lacked an incantation, which made her wonder if Dumbledore knew that she’d already accomplished some non-verbal magic. How many others in her year, or younger, had he come across? He _must_ have done, surely … Was it a good thing that she was able …?

Quickly banishing the unbidden thoughts of all the things Dumbledore may or may not have known, (F/N) felt her wand tremble slightly at her silent urging to produce the magic she desired. She approached Aeolus, who was now nudging Lily affectionately in the shoulder with his beak, pestering her for more food, and stood with her wand raised just above his withers – the highest point on his body she could reach. All of her magical energy poured into her wand as she flicked it as professionally as she could, the implement still trembling in anticipation of the charm she was about to cast, and the trees themselves seemed to quiver while the wind held its breath.

Or maybe that was just because she was concentrating so hard, and everything else in the world seemed to fall away …

(F/N) imagined, when she opened her eyes – which she didn’t realise she’d closed – that what Aeolus felt when she cast the spell was something like an egg cracking over him. At least, that was what the books she’d read mentioned, and that was what she’d felt while practising it on herself. More than that, though, when she looked back she saw that her hippogriff had all but vanished.

“You did it, (F/N)!” said Lily delightedly. “See? I _told_ you you wouldn’t need our help,”

“If you weren’t here I would have failed,” said (F/N) with a self-deprecating smile. “Murphy’s law,” she added with a shrug.

Lily looked at her with shiny green eyes. “Oh, (F/N). I wish you had more faith in yourself,” she said with a half-sad smile. “I hope you find it one day,”

(F/N) smiled. She hoped that, whatever she thought of herself, she would have friends like Lily to keep her on the straight and narrow. She turned back to where she was sure Aeolus was standing; when she apparently looked straight past him, he nudged her hard in the shoulder with his beak and she staggered, almost into Severus who was standing a lot closer than she realised.

“Aeolus …” (F/N) whispered, hoping that she really was making sense to the hippogriff. “… Tomorrow, you need to follow me. Go where I go,”

She knew she sounded absurd, hoping that Aeolus would understand, but he’d seemed to get the gist of her ramblings before now. She just couldn’t shake the feeling that she was asking him to do something silly, seeing as how she would be on a train for most of the day … What would she do with him when they got to King’s Cross?

Lily nudged her, too. (F/N) wondered if it was an evening for it. Now she half-expected Severus to nudge her … but he wasn’t playful like that. When (F/N) looked back at Lily, she received an expression that was all raised eyebrows and gentle warning – she was overthinking things again.

“Come on, let’s head back,” said (F/N), changing the subject very quickly.

A cool breeze rustled through the leaves as if to agree with her and, while the other two said nothing and only nodded their own agreement, (F/N) still felt as though she had an answer.


	22. Chapter 22

The summer holidays were off to a most interesting start. (F/N) was unsure how things would go with an invisible hippogriff tailing her – she wasn’t sure that he really _was_ following her at first – but they seemed to go off without a hitch until the moment she tried to broach the subject to her aunt when she greeted her at the station.

Auntie Beth had taken to looking around at nothing, as though she had gone mad, and even when she stopped searching wildly for a sign of the invisible hippogriff Aeolus she still watched her back all the way to the car park, like he would pounce on her at any moment.

(F/N) had tried to explain, all the way back to Spindlewood Common, that Aeolus would not do anything if she forbade him and besides, Auntie Beth had received numerous letters since Aeolus’ hatching informing her all about hippogriffs and what this particular one was like …

The minute Auntie Beth pulled into the driveway, (F/N) leapt out of the car and promptly heard an almighty flap of wings … but she had no idea where Aeolus was. Somewhere above her, obviously. She hoped that, with all the fields and rolling moors around the village, Aeolus would keep a calm head if he saw a wild rodent or something else he could eat.

“I’ll get my bags as soon as I’ve found somewhere for Aeolus to live,” (F/N) said to her aunt, looking anxious as she turned to see her already with her foot in the front door.

Auntie Beth smiled her usual, gentle smile. “Don’t be too long, okay?”

(F/N) wasn’t long at all, compared with other days. She didn’t _want_ to be too long, and she certainly didn’t want to take the chance of Aeolus getting overexcited at being in a new place, or her charm wearing off, or …

She stopped thinking about it and ran down the road. She made a beeline for the first field she saw, a familiar one with a fence around its boundary and a turnstile instead of a gate. The sun was still reasonably high in the sky, although it was late afternoon by the time she reached what could truly be called moorland. The late sun hung warm and pleasant over the tranquil countryside, and only the slightest of breezes rustled the dry, sun-bleached grass. (F/N) felt as though she could be running through fields of gold.

After what felt like hours of running, (F/N) reached the far edge of the woodland that stretched as far round the village as old Mrs Tanner’s house. It was here that the sound of the nearby stream came rushing delicately to her ears. She knew that as soon as she crossed the stream, she could head west again and find the clearing she had come across a few times before, during her wanderings with Eddie. Thankfully, she wouldn’t be turfing any poor badgers out of their home by placing Aeolus here …

(F/N) weaved through the trees, hopped over roots and ducked under low-hanging branches until she came to the clearing. This one was different to the one in the Forbidden Forest. There was no canopy of leaves above the glade itself, creating a kind of skylight for Aeolus. It was handy, too, because it meant that any second now he could drop in from the sky and settle …

(F/N) gazed around at the familiar setting. Everything, even the wilds surrounding the village, felt like home. But so did Hogwarts. These were two very different feelings but also somehow the same.

As she was thinking this, she heard Aeolus swooping down from above. His clawed front feet and rear hooves pounded the soft grass as he landed, and (F/N) looked to the ground to try and work out where he was before he reached her and caught her off-guard. There were trampled patches of grass, so she followed the trail with a hand out in front of her until the tips of her fingers came into contact with Aeolus’ smooth body. She knew she couldn’t reverse the Disillusionment Charm on him until they returned to school in September, in case any Muggles were wandering the moors and saw him, but before she had boarded the Express Hagrid had caught up with her, telling her that Dumbledore had informed the Ministry that he had given her permission to recast the charm if it wore off over the summer.

(F/N) stood for a few minutes, stroking Aeolus to calm him before she left. He had had a long journey – this was by far the furthest he had ever flown, and he was still very young. Being in a new environment like this with all its new sights and smells would surely have the hippogriff’s senses working overtime. The last thing (F/N) needed was a letter from the Ministry saying that her hippogriff had been caught terrorising the nearest town in his excitement, so soothing him seemed to be the best thing for them both.

(F/N) knew that she would have to find a way of procuring food for Aeolus as well. He would, in all likelihood, be able to feed himself, since there would be more than enough to go around in the way of small wild animals and so on. She could only hope that he left the badgers alone if he found them …

Putting thoughts of Aeolus’ mischievous nature out of her mind, (F/N) gave the hippogriff one last pat on his rump and, receiving an affectionate nudge in return, she departed for home. The sky above had become streaked with gold and pretty pinks and blues, the colours mixing together like running watercolours. As she reached the edge of the wood, she realised the sun was now very low – almost ready to sink below the horizon – but the evening was still warm.

Small, silvery moths danced just above the cattails and long golden grass, and somewhere nearby a bird sang its evening song. The moors sprawling in the distance were rolling and green, with rocks jutting out here and there, but the grass was much shorter and (F/N) was suddenly visited by memories of wandering those hills for hours with Eddie and hoped that one day she would be able to show her school friends her home. She felt certain they would be able to appreciate the sense of freedom the place inspired.

The evening was quiet but for the singing of the lone bird. Even as (F/N) drew nearer to the village, hardly anything stirred. There was no wind to speak of, nor were any of her neighbours out for a walk. It had been such a warm day that they were likely relaxing in their gardens, watching the night draw in.

(F/N) arrived home to hear her aunt talking to someone. She already had a very good idea of who it would be. Closing the front door quietly behind her, she walked up the darkening hallway – they would have to put the lights on soon – and poked her head around the kitchen door. Eddie looked up immediately and gave her the widest and most cheerful of smiles.

“ _There_ you are,” he said, as if he had been searching for hours. “Your aunt says you’ve brought a friend home with you,”

“Nice to see you too, Edward,” said (F/N) mockingly, pulling a chair out from under the table and smirking. “So, what do you know of my ‘friend’, then?”

Eddie grimaced at her use of his full name, but that seemed to be forgotten a moment later. “A magical creature of some kind,”

(F/N) chuckled, shaking her head. She knew her aunt would talk to Eddie about magical things from time to time, especially in her absence; Eddie was the only other person who knew about it, after all.

Eddie raised a dark blond eyebrow at her. He looked surprisingly grown-up all of a sudden. “So, are you going to show me your new pet?” he pushed, drumming his fingers on the mug he held.

(F/N) laughed again. “Sorry, Ed. I would if I could,”

Although Eddie grinned along with her, both of his eyebrows slid up his forehead and he didn’t say anything. Clearly, he was waiting for her to go on. She sighed.

“There’s an enchantment on him, all right?” said (F/N), suddenly realising how intensely frustrated she was that she could not legally perform magic outside of school, and that Aeolus had to be hidden regardless of her age. “I wish I could show you, I really do …”

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it,” said Eddie, raising his hands. “I know it annoys you that you can’t do magic outside of school,”

(F/N) nodded glumly and looked down at the scratched wooden dining table. She became particularly absorbed in one of the dark knots in the wood, just so that she could avoid looking at her oldest friend.

“Hey …” she heard him say. She glanced up with a questioning look. “You know I’m only teasing you when I ask you to show me some tricks, right?”

“Yeah,” said (F/N) quietly. “I just really wish I could,”

Eddie reached across the table and patted her arm. That often signalled to (F/N) that he would soon be on his way, otherwise he’d have launched straight into a fresh conversation with the intention of reassuring her. The delicious smell of Auntie Beth’s cooking had long since filled the room, but if Eddie was leaving then that also told (F/N) he had his own dinner waiting for him next door.

“I do expect you to show me what you can do as soon as you’re allowed, though,” said Eddie, standing up. (F/N) hadn’t realised before, but Eddie had grown a lot – and he was still going. (F/N) rolled her eyes and grinned.

“Thank you for the tea,” said Eddie to Auntie Beth.

“You’re welcome, dear. We’ll see you soon,”

“Yes,” said Eddie, nodding vigorously. “I’ll call tomorrow?”

(F/N)’s grin widened further, and she nodded back. “Of course,”

She saw him to the door and watched as he retreated up the garden path, then as the top of his flaxen head bobbed up his own path to his front door – he may have been tall, but he still couldn’t see over the hedge that separated their front gardens.

When he was gone, (F/N) went back inside to join her aunt. They would have a nice dinner together, where they could catch up properly and talk about plans for the summer. (F/N) already knew, though, that most of her days would be spent in Eddie’s company. She smiled to herself; Eddie would be full of funny tales to tell her.

***

“So tell me again what your pet monster looks like?” said Eddie, as he and (F/N) walked along the grassy embankment that flanked a narrow road. They kept to the shade of the trees, for the day was hotter than any other they’d seen that summer.

“He’s not a monster,” (F/N) said, swatting at him with the sandals hanging lazily from her hand. On days like this she often walked barefoot, enjoying the soft grass and, even though walking on the pavements got a little uncomfortable at times, she certainly didn’t mind because it was the sense of freedom it provided. It was hard to explain, (F/N) thought, but then again no one had ever asked her to. Even Eddie had started doing it; sometimes he didn’t even bother to put his trainers on before coming to call for her.

“Well, what else would you call him?” Eddie said blankly. (F/N) knew he was teasing, in spite of his tone.

“A creature,” she replied, puffing out her chest slightly. “Anyway, he’s a hippogriff. The front of his body, and his head, are like an eagle’s. His rear half is a horse’s. And he has wings,”

Eddie chuckled. “You and your animals,” he said. “I always knew you were special,”

(F/N) grinned but didn’t respond. She didn’t think so, but she was happy to hear it regardless.

“What do your classmates think about your ‘beast-whispering’?” Eddie asked, stopping suddenly and looking both ways before leading them across the road. The grassy embankment had been cut off by a brook that ran between it and someone’s front garden. The scent of begonias and roses wafted towards them on a sudden, warm breeze.

(F/N) giggled at Eddie’s question. Oh, did she have a story to tell him …

“Well, some of them thought it was great,” she said honestly. “Lily and Severus in particular … but you know that girl who keeps picking on me?”

“Yeah …?” Eddie did not sound happy to hear about Nolan again.

“She snitched on me to my Head of House,” she told him. “Then I was taken to the Headmaster,”

“That little …!”

“Dumbledore sided with me. Said I was doing a good job, and seeing as how no harm had come to anyone … I was allowed to keep Aeolus,”

Eddie laughed loudly. “Oh, that’s _brilliant!_ ” he chortled. “Wow! And what happened to _her_?”

“I don’t think anything happened to Nolan, except being made to look a complete fool in front of everyone,”

Eddie laughed all the more. It took him a few minutes to calm himself. When he was finished he sighed and said, “I love it,”

The friends fell into stride with each other again, simply enjoying the cheerful atmosphere. Then, as if to prove that he had been thinking about it all along, Eddie mentioned (F/N)’s school friends again.

“And what did they make of your … hippogriff, was it?”

“That’s the one,” said (F/N). “They’re all on board with it. Lily was a bit cross with me for sneaking off all the time but when she found out what was really going on she was cool about it – excited, even. Severus caught me in the forest, though …”

“Did he really?”

(F/N) took no notice of Eddie’s tone. It was more than simply curious, but it didn’t occur to her as strange enough to ask about. “Yeah,” she said. “Then he asked if he could help, and if I would help him with Care of Magical Creatures – that’s one of our classes – in return for help with Potions,”

This time she couldn’t ignore the look on Eddie’s face as he glanced at her. He didn’t even need to say anything at first, because the way his eyes suddenly locked onto the side of her face was quite noticeable. (F/N) looked up and him and asked, “What?”

“Oh … nothing,” said Eddie nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders. “Just sounds like he likes you, that’s all,”

“Well … we are friends, after all. I would hope he likes me,” she said.

Eddie snorted and shook his head, raising his face to the sky. There wasn’t a single cloud in sight. “You’re being thick on purpose, aren’t you? You know that wasn’t what I meant,”

“He doesn’t _fancy_ me, if that’s what you meant!” (F/N) replied, a little more hotly than she had intended.

“Well, when you’ve mentioned him in the past he’s never really struck me as the sort of person whose thoughts are very obvious,” Eddie shot back, but he was grinning from ear to ear. He wondered if he’d touched a nerve. “How would you know what he’s thinking? What he thinks about _you_?”

“Drop it, Ed. He’s my friend. It isn’t like that,”

“Really? Why have you gone so pink, then?”

“Because you’re embarrassing me!” (F/N) squealed. “Stop it!”

Eddie laughed. “What’s to be embarrassed about? You don’t fancy _him_ , do you?”

“What? No!”

Eddie just smiled as though he were infinitely wise, but something else danced behind his earthy brown eyes. (F/N) wasn’t sure what it was, and at that moment she didn’t care enough to find out. “Thou doth protest too much,”

(F/N) punched him in the arm, as hard as she could. “I – do – not – fancy – him!” she snapped, stopping dead in her tracks. “What’s this all borne of, anyway? Not getting anywhere with _Daisy_?”

Eddie rounded on her, but he didn’t look hurt. Surprised, rather.

“What? No … I … Why would I _want_ to get anywhere with her?!”

“She’s been after you for a few years, now. I thought you might have to give in sometime,”

Eddie chuckled, incensing (F/N) further. “You are funny,” he said, turning his back on her. “Seriously, though … I thought you might have told me if there was someone you liked …”

“I’m telling you now, Ed. Cut it out. I don’t have a crush on anyone,” she seethed.

“No one at all? Really?”

(F/N) rolled her eyes and sighed very loudly. “How long are you going to keep this up?”

“As long as it takes you to tell me who you fancy,” Eddie sniggered.

“Then I guess I’ll see you later,” said (F/N) calmly, but with a definitive air of finality. She turned on her heel and marched off in the opposite direction, not caring that this was technically the long way back to her house. She felt bad; she could feel Eddie’s eyes burning into her back as she left and knew his expression would betray the fact that it upset him when they argued.

The fact remained, though, that he had overstepped the mark. (F/N) couldn’t understand why it was such an alien prospect to Eddie that she didn’t see anyone in a romantic light, and nor did anyone see her that way.

(F/N) returned home and put a smile on her face for her aunt, who was working from home that day. Although she loved her aunt, (F/N) was glad to have an excuse to avoid her – Auntie Beth needed to concentrate on the paperwork surrounding her at the kitchen table, and she had phone calls to make, and (F/N) didn’t want to have to explain what happened between her and Eddie.

(F/N) went to her room for the rest of the afternoon, opening the window as wide as it would go and sitting on the windowsill with a big book sitting in her lap. She could lose herself for hours, and reading enabled her to push all other thoughts from her mind. She wondered when the next letters from her friends would arrive, but evening fell and although Cicero had not yet come home, she had once again forgotten that she ever thought about it.

Such was her love of reading.

Days went by, spent like this. (F/N) received a few letters, here and there. Every other day she would go across the fields to where Aeolus spent most of his days. She was pleased to find that he hadn’t been straying very far from where she left him.

The time when she would have to go back to school was drawing nearer, and she still hadn’t seen Eddie. It was strange, she thought, that they should still be apart when they hadn’t _really_ fought. One bright, sunny morning, (F/N) was lying on her front in the back garden reading yet another book – or, rather, rereading for the seventh time – with her legs swinging in the air behind her. A ladybird balanced delicately on a lone daisy beside (F/N)’s elbow. She didn’t exactly need to, but she was brushing up on some Transfiguration in preparation for the new school year. Having long since completed all of her holiday homework, (F/N) had taken to reading schoolbooks _and_ the books lying around the house for something to do.

She was just about to turn the page, to go on to the next chapter (she knew from experience), when there came a scuffling from next door’s garden fence. The fences were very tall, and it sounded like someone was trying to climb over …

(F/N) plucked a different daisy from the garden and used it as a bookmark, having left her own indoors, and snapped the book shut. The little ladybird flew away. She rolled onto her side and, shielding her eyes from the sun, peered over at where the noise was coming from. She took note of two hands gripping the top of the fence and deduced that the scrambling sounds must have been coming from the ungainly creature attempting to scale that panel.

Soon enough, but not without a lot of effort, Eddie’s head popped up on his side of the fence. He grinned at her but looked a little ashamed of himself. “I’ll get the hang of it eventually …” he said, referring to his dismal fence-climbing abilities. “I’m sorry I upset you,” he added, gazing dolefully down at (F/N) lying in the grass.

She stared at him for a moment, considering the fact that he would not be standing on anything and was currently only supporting himself with the fence itself, plus his own strength. Then, deciding Eddie had made himself look sufficiently foolish, offered him a smile of her own.

“It’s okay,” she said. “Sorry I stalked off,”

“ _You_ don’t need to be sorry …!” Eddie spluttered. His chin sunk just below the top of the fence, because he was slipping. “Hang on …” he muttered, letting himself fall back into his garden. (F/N) rolled her eyes, wondering what he was up to. Moments later, Eddie made what must have been the most almighty spring and leapt back into position on top of the fence, but this time managed to tuck the fence under his arms to support himself better.

“Ed, why don’t you just get over here?” (F/N) sighed, both in affection and exasperation.

Eddie grinned and hoisted himself up and over the fence, but it looked to be with great difficulty. He was all legs, and while he had the upper body strength to pull himself up onto the fence he lacked the power to jump over with any amount of grace. In fact, (F/N) was quite sure that he would fall flat on his face. He didn’t fall but stumbled across the garden to plonk himself next to her.

“I suppose gates are overrated, hm?” said (F/N) with a little smirk. She flicked her eyes towards the end of her garden, where a wrought iron gate sat nestled in an archway, cut into the hedge that ran the length of her house and Eddie’s.

“Oh, definitely,” said Eddie with a dopey grin. “If I’d used the gate you might never have forgiven me,”

“I forgave you days ago,” said (F/N), sitting up and pulling her book back into her lap. “I was just waiting to see if you’d come to me,”

“Of course I would. I always do,”

“That’s not true!” (F/N) protested, but seeing the grin on Eddie’s face brought one back to her own. “Come on, I’ve gone to you before, when we’ve had an argument,”

“Yeah, yeah. I know,” said Eddie, gently nudging her foot with his. “So, what do you want to do today? Not long left before school,”

(F/N) couldn’t help noticing the distaste in his voice at the mention of school. He _really_ didn’t enjoy it … She wished he’d turned out to be a wizard, so he could have gone to Hogwarts with her … Some things just weren’t meant to be, it seemed.

“I bet this year will be better for you, Ed,” (F/N) said, reaching across to pat his knee. “You’ve just got to start with fresh eyes and a willing mind,”

Eddie chuckled. “You sound like a teacher. That’s the sort of thing they’d say,”

(F/N) did nothing but smile and was quietly pleased with Eddie’s observation. She would have loved to be a teacher. She greatly admired most – if not all – of hers and she loved being a witch, so what could have been better than helping to enrich the lives of future magical kids, to impart upon them the knowledge her teachers had given her?

She turned back to Eddie to see him smiling very genuinely. “What?” she asked, keeping her voice very soft.

“You know …” Eddie began, shifting his position slightly as though trying to see her from a better angle. “… Even if you don’t get to be a teacher at first, I’m sure you will someday,” he said. “Your eyes went all … twinkly. When I mentioned the teacher thing,”

(F/N) grinned widely. “I’ve thought about it quite a lot,”

“I’m glad you’ve thought about what you want to do after school,”

(F/N)’s smile turned to one of sympathy for him. He was as mischievous as ever and didn’t like school despite being very clever, so if he didn’t have any clues as to what kind of career he wanted to pursue she certainly didn’t either.

“I’m sure it’ll come to you eventually,” she said reassuringly.

Eddie simply smiled.

***

Once again, (F/N) found herself intently listening to stories about her friends’ summer holidays. She had told them all about hers already, except for the very odd behaviour of her aunt on the very last day. She seemed incredibly anxious about something all of a sudden, and seemed reluctant to let (F/N) go but eager for her to be off at the same time. She didn’t see any reason to bother her friends with that information, especially since Auntie Beth hadn’t told her what was wrong.

So instead, she cut her account of the summer short and listened to Haydn telling them all about his family’s plans for Italy next summer, and to Lily telling them about France. (F/N)’s eyes glittered with wonder, wishing deeply that she could go to one of these fabulous places herself. For now, she thought, she could be content with her home and the adventures the countryside often had in store.

Severus was as quiet as ever. (F/N) sat directly opposite him, which made her feel very strange because every time she looked at him she couldn’t help remembering her awkward conversation with Eddie about how she most definitely did not fancy him, and how he most definitely did not fancy her. She tried very hard to put memories of that discussion from her mind and focus on what was going on _then_.

One thing going on in that moment was that Aeolus would be soaring along above the Hogwarts Express, keeping up with them with what was probably minimal effort. Getting him ready to leave for Hogwarts had been a breeze, most likely because (F/N) knew what she was doing this time. She knew, as well, that he would be able to see himself back to his home in the Forbidden Forest and would happily await her first visit after lessons on their first proper day.

(F/N) was more than content to simply sit and listen to her friends as they chattered away. Occasionally, she would look away from Lily and Haydn, either to rummage through her bag to check on its contents for any number of reasons, to check on Cicero sleeping in his cage in the luggage compartment, or to look out of the window just beyond her friends. The wild countryside rushing by never changed, but today it looked different, somehow.

She smiled and laughed along as more stories were told of things that happened over the summer. She had once glanced at Severus and caught his eye. He, himself, wore a small smile and it did not falter as he looked at her. It was nice how he seemed less reserved around her now. Granted, it had taken a few years to get to this point but (F/N) was still pleased.

They managed to go longer than usual without seeing the usual troublemakers, because the same suspects always made their rounds by sauntering up and down the train and harassing certain people. The Marauders were the first to come by and, while they seemed to want to start something with (F/N)’s group, all that actually happened was Black nodding – suspiciously politely – to (F/N) before striding off, and Potter winking at Lily before following Black’s example. Lupin kept to himself as usual, and Pettigrew scurried after the two ringleaders as though afraid he would lose them.

“Well _that_ was weird,” said Lily, folding her arms across her chest.

“Definitely,” (F/N) agreed.

The boys in their compartment kept very quiet, wondering what on earth that was all about. Severus had a feeling he knew _exactly_ what was going on, at least in Potter’s case.

With the appearance of the Marauders, (F/N) knew it wouldn’t be long before Nolan showed up with a few of her pals. Sure enough, half an hour later she came flouncing down the train as if she owned it, peering into all of the carriages as though looking for someone in particular. And, of course, she was.

(F/N) rolled her eyes as the compartment door slid open. Couldn’t she just go one measly day without seeing this girl?

“What’s with the face, sourpuss?” said Nolan, placing her hands on her hips and looking thoroughly pleased with herself, as though she had just bested (F/N) in every possible way. “Another summer without your parents, while everyone else has theirs?”

(F/N) bristled and Lily, sitting on the other side of the carriage, looked ready to rip Nolan’s face off. Goodness knew what she would have done if she’d actually gone for her, because (F/N) knew very well that Lily wasn’t the type to attack anyone first.

Although, the more (F/N) thought about it, as time had gone on she had found herself feeling more and more as though _she_ might be the fighty one in their group. Still, she hadn’t punched anyone yet, so that was something.

Feeling extraordinarily brave all of a sudden, (F/N) remembered something she’d overheard a couple of sixth years talking about in the common room last year. Apparently a Slytherin in one of the years below them had parents who had just been arrested in connection with recent Death Eater activity. (F/N) had willed herself not to be nosy enough to look into the rumour, but she’d done it regardless. Then, after a bit of digging and eavesdropping, she had uncovered the truth: Nolan’s home life was nowhere near as perfect as she liked to pretend. (F/N) had promised herself that she would not lower herself to degrade Nolan as she degraded her, but she had had enough.

(F/N) cocked an antagonistic eyebrow at Nolan, sparking her ire in an instant. “What?” she demanded, glaring at (F/N) where she sat.

“What do you think?” (F/N) said, with a very palpable air of knowing something she didn’t. Nolan’s friends – Moseley and Timms – shifted uncomfortably behind her. (F/N)’s eyes twinkled dangerously in the late afternoon sunshine streaming through the compartment window.

“I … You … What do you know?” Nolan stuttered stupidly. “Wait – you know nothing!” she added quickly, telling (F/N) all she needed to know: Nolan had worked out that she knew her secret. Maybe she wasn’t so dimwitted after all.

“Is that so?” said (F/N), shrugging her shoulders with disinterest. “Well, I can tell you right now for free that I know _exactly_ why you’re so quick to poke fun at me for having no parents,”

Nolan raised a delicate blonde eyebrow and sniffed haughtily with her upturned nose. Daring her to continue, (F/N) guessed.

Overcome with a foolish kind of courage, the Gryffindor spoke her mind. Or Nolan’s mind, rather. She could think of no better way to phrase it than with a very hard-hitting statement. “Well, I’d rather have no parents at all than both in Azkaban,”

It didn’t take very long at all for Nolan’s face to flood scarlet. If she wasn’t careful, steam would soon be shooting out of her ears. “How – _dare_ – you?!” she snarled, whipping out her wand and aiming it right between (F/N)’s eyes. “You … you liar! Why would you say that about _my_ parents?!”

“It’s hard to keep a secret at Hogwarts, Patty. Remember that,” (F/N) growled. When Nolan did not lower her wand, (F/N) stood up straight and squared up to her. Nolan was still a good bit taller than her, but that didn’t stop her from swatting the wand away as though it were a nuisance fly.

It made Nolan angrier, but (F/N)’s friends were all standing now. It wouldn’t have deterred her ordinarily, but this time … something wildly dangerous danced in (F/N)’s eyes.

“You’ll regret this,” Nolan hissed, before turning around and stalking away.

(F/N) chuckled darkly and re-seated herself, giving her own wand a lazy wave to close the compartment door. “Whatever you do to me, my dear, I will repay hundredfold,” she muttered.

“What was that?” Lily asked from across the carriage. She looked very worried, especially as Nolan had left with a threat.

“Nothing, Lil. Don’t worry,”

(F/N) glanced up to see Severus watching her intently. _He_ heard what she said as she sat down, but he didn’t seem to think it was uncalled for. He looked quite impressed, in fact.

“Oh, you don’t think it’ll be another year like our second?” said Lily joylessly.

“Not for you guys,” said (F/N) seriously, and in a very quiet voice.

“What do you mean?”

“She won’t touch you,” (F/N) replied with great certainty. _She_ would make damn sure of that. “For me, though, I think this year will be the worst yet,”

Lily’s sudden intake of breath signalled her concern. (F/N) looked up and gave her a reassuring smile. “Don’t _worry,_ Lil. I’ll just … lure her into the forest and let Aeolus rip her to shreds,”

The way she said it and the easy expression on her face only made Lily laugh in spite of herself. “Oh, (F/N) …” she giggled.


	23. Chapter 23

The year got off to an excellent start, and if it hadn’t been for a couple of ‘minor inconveniences’, as (F/N) put it, it would have been perfect. Nolan and her friends were about as threatening as they usually were, so that wasn’t any different to previous years. However, (F/N) now found herself hounded by one of the new first-years.

First of all, she had no idea what on earth could have possessed the boy to focus his attention on her. She was three years older than him, for one thing, so they had absolutely no reason to speak. Secondly, he was a Ravenclaw, so it wasn’t even as though he could have spotted her in the common room one day. What _had_ happened was that he had seen her once upon a time, just before Hallowe’en, standing in the corridor waiting for Professor Flitwick to call them into the Charms classroom. He had swaggered over to her as though he were already a man, and as if he knew what he was doing, and gave her what he probably thought was his most devastating, most charming smile.

(F/N) found him slightly repellent.

The boy was all blond hair, blue eyes and very white teeth – which was strange for an eleven-year-old – and he obviously thought an awful lot of himself because he immediately introduced himself as Gilderoy Lockhart, a name she must have heard bandied about the school already. (F/N) simply stared at him, not wanting to be rude but completely and utterly gobsmacked by his arrogance and the suddenness with which he approached her. He had asked her name in return, but Flitwick had arrived and, in her opinion, rescued her from the obnoxious first-year by calling his fourth-years inside.

From then on it had been all she could do to avoid the Lockhart boy. A few of her contemporaries laughed about it both in front of her and behind her back, but (F/N) never took it to heart because really, what could she do about it? Lockhart clearly wasn’t the sort of person who took “no” for an answer – by Christmas (F/N) knew this _very_ well – and so the most efficient method of avoiding talking to him seemed to be avoiding him altogether.

After Christmas was when (F/N) and Severus began working on the more difficult potions Slughorn had tasked them with. He had given them both a list of potions to study over the winter break, so that they would know what to begin with and how best to tackle the assignments when they came back in the new year. Between going to the forest with Lily to check on Aeolus and all of the time spent either in the library or Slughorn’s classroom (which he let them use while they were actually brewing the potions), (F/N) found that she hardly had a spare moment which was actually a blessing in disguise; every time Lockhart came to pester her, she couldn’t ever lie to him because she really was perpetually busy.

“Why not just tell him to go away?” Severus asked one day in Slughorn’s classroom. That day was the first they had actually been able to call ‘spring’, and it had only served to shock (F/N) as she couldn’t quite believe that the year had rushed by so quickly. Lockhart had actually tried to follow (F/N) down to see Aeolus that day, but she’d thankfully seen him coming and had intentionally led the boy past Hagrid’s hut so he’d be caught before he could go any further.

(F/N) sighed and continued her preparation of the ingredients they’d been left by Slughorn. She had been looking forward to that day’s session because they were attempting to brew Veritaserum, a potion she found extremely interesting. Severus was heating the cauldron while (F/N) made sure everything was ready to use according to what they’d studied up to that point.

“I can’t,” said (F/N) with a sigh. “Believe me, I wish I could. I just don’t know if I could be that horrid to a … to a _kid_ ,”

“A kid who thinks he’s a man, and won’t stop harassing you,” Severus pointed out. “He’s creepy,”

“Yeah … Yeah, I know,” said (F/N), passing him the first of the ingredients. She didn’t trust herself to add them correctly, but Severus had a very … unique touch when brewing potions. “Maybe I should just be a bit tougher with him,”

“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even know your name,” Severus said nonchalantly.

“Well, I reckon someone will have told him if he bothered to ask but I certainly haven’t told him myself, not even when he asked the first time, and then he forgot altogether,” (F/N) chuckled. “I know enough about him to last a lifetime, though. He thinks far too highly of himself,”

“Not your type, then?” said Severus, holding out his hand for the next lot of ingredients. (F/N) looked up at him, startled, and spotted his sly little smirk.

“Oh, very funny,” she said with a very fake, simpering laugh. She slapped the ingredients into his hand and watched as he added them. “He’s _eleven_. That’s gross,”

“He’ll chase you for years if you let him,” said Severus without looking up. He was keeping a very close eye on the potion. “Best stamp it out now, in case he thinks you’ll go out with him when he’s older,”

(F/N) could tell that Severus was joking. He may not have used the same frivolous intonation as Eddie when _he_ teased her, but she could tell that this was just Severus’ way. She felt a very strange sensation in her chest as she thought how nice it was that he felt comfortable enough with her to joke about, even if it was only a little bit.

They fell silent as they continued their work. (F/N) knew Severus was right – she would have to send Lockhart packing one way or another. She pushed the thought from her mind as soon it occurred to her, though, and concentrated on what was going on in front of her instead. (F/N) knew this particular potion would need to be left to mature for a full lunar phase, but they weren’t at the point yet where they would need to put the potion aside and leave it to its own devices. She jumped when Severus’ voice suddenly rang out, surprisingly clearly, in the dungeon classroom.

“Do you want to do the rest?”

(F/N) looked straight into his abyssal black eyes and realised for the first time just how tall he’d grown over the summer. He now stood a whole head above her, and while he was still very slim he was starting to fill out a bit now. _This_ thought was forcibly ejected from her and she forced herself to nod. They switched places and Severus began checking the ingredients as if (F/N) hadn’t done that five or six times already. (F/N), knowing that Severus had suggested the swap at a convenient time, picked up where he had left off and asked for the next lot of ingredients.

“Are you sure?” Severus asked. (F/N) stopped herself; he was checking on her, as he often did, but it was in the spirit of helping her with Potions as she helped him with CoMC.

(F/N) looked squarely at him and said, “Positive,”

Severus’ expression remained neutral, as though testing her like a real examiner would, and handed her the ingredients. The cauldron bubbled merrily away as (F/N) carried on with certainty in her heart. All the while, though, she felt Severus’ dark eyes burning into her, watching her work. She made sure to follow the instructions she had learned, off by heart, to the letter so as to make sure their work hadn’t been in vain.

A short while later, (F/N) felt as though the potion was ready to be set aside and allowed to do its own thing for a month. She was excited but anxious to see how they’d done but distracted herself by beginning to clear their workstation.

“It’ll be fine,” said Severus suddenly, breaking the silence again. (F/N) looked up, startled. His dark eyes locked with her (E/C) ones once more and aside from wondering why their eyes kept meeting, she was curious as to why she was so taken aback by him this time.

She realised he must have used Legilimency on her without her realising, and quickly blocked her mind to all outside interference. She did not say anything.

“You worry too much,” he said again, going back to his previous task. “The potion will be fine,”

(F/N) nodded and looked back to the shelf where she was now returning their unused ingredients to their proper places (Slughorn had purposely given them too much to make them work the recipe out). A few times she had to levitate jars to where they were meant to go, but other than that she was fine on her own … So she couldn’t understand why, when she turned around, Severus was watching her again.

She suddenly noticed a very strange, fluttering sensation. It was quite unlike anything she had felt before … and she wasn’t sure she wanted to dwell on it. Especially not now that Severus was looking her in the eyes, and she knew better by now than to think her thoughts were safe when he did that.

“Are you all right? You look a bit … off,” he said.

(F/N) gave him the brightest smile she could manage that wouldn’t arouse his suspicions and wandered over to pick up her schoolbag, now that everything had been tidied away. “Fine, thanks,” she replied.

Severus’ eyes followed her to the door, for he was entirely unconvinced by her brush-off. Maybe something school-related had occurred to her and distracted her, as it often did. Feeling secure because (F/N)’s back was turned, Severus allowed himself a small smile; (F/N) was very prone to getting distracted, her mind wandering off to all sorts of weird and wonderful places … Severus wiped the smile away as quickly as it had appeared; it wasn’t like him to reminisce about things like that.

“I’ll, um … See you after dinner? I’ve got to go back to the tower … said I’d meet Haydn … revision …” (F/N) stuttered.

Severus, who had just picked up his bag, almost put it down again as though the act of questioning her behaviour left no energy spare for bag-holding. “Sure … Aeolus, yes?” he asked, raising one inquisitive eyebrow. When (F/N) nodded, a little quicker than usual, he asked again, “Are you _sure_ you’re all right?”

(F/N) nodded again and said, “Absolutely. Sorry, it’s just … warm in here. I’ll see you later!” She knew she was almost repeating herself but she was anxious to get out of there.

Really, though … What was she supposed to say to get herself out of this situation, when she had just realised that – even though nothing had actually changed between them – Eddie had been right all along?

(F/N) hurried along towards Gryffindor Tower, trying hard not to think about the fact that she most definitely _did_ have a crush on Severus Snape.

***

It took (F/N) a good few weeks to work out what had happened. She had, at first, supposed this had all come about because she had been spending so much time with Severus as of late. Between studying together, their advanced Potions sessions and him accompanying her to Aeolus’ glade, she thought she had just become very fond of him. _Very_. Then, the longer she dwelt on it, the more she realised she liked about him.

He was quiet, very clever and, despite certain people picking on him and calling him names for his appearance, she actually really liked the way he looked. Brooding and mysterious and …

She often had to stop herself from daydreaming, because it was making it difficult for her to spend any length of time around him. Lily had asked her on a few occasions what the matter was but _most_ of the time she was able to hide it. Thankfully, it was around this time that Lily became aware of Potter’s very obvious crush on _her_ …

“I’ve been telling you for ages that he likes you,” said (F/N) one afternoon. They had just left Herbology, where they’d had to put up with Potter throwing clods of dirt across the greenhouse at Lily to try and get her attention for a whole hour.

“First of all, no. Second of all, _no_ ,” Lily replied vehemently. “He is _ridiculous_ , _arrogant_ , and so _obnoxious_ ; there is absolutely _no way_ on this planet I would _ever_ go out with him!”

“Okay, okay!” (F/N) laughed. “I get the picture,”

Lily looked at her with an impish glint in her eye. “Well, _I’ve_ got a theory as well, you know …”

“Oh yeah?” said (F/N) curiously, even though she knew she was inviting trouble. “What’s that then?”

“Someone likes you, too,” Lily sniggered.

“Lil, I _know_ about that Lockhart kid. Seriously – he won’t leave me alone,”

“No, no …” Lily chuckled, shaking her fiery head. “Someone else. Someone in our year,”

(F/N) tried to suppress the surge of nervous excitement that pulsed through her body. If she’d said anything other than “Mm?” at that point she might only have been capable of an unflattering squeak. She knew Lily wouldn’t say the name she was hoping for …

“Lupin,” Lily said casually.

“ _Lupin_?!” (F/N) spluttered, gazing at Lily aghast. “You can’t be serious …”

“Oh – my – _god_!” Lily cackled, clapping her hands together. Seeing as they were walking towards the Great Hall now, (F/N) hoped desperately that no one was paying them any attention. “He’s _always_ staring at you!” she said. “ _And_ he’s not exactly the same as his friends, is he? He’s probably the more decent one …”

“He stands by and lets them do whatever they want to people,” (F/N) pointed out. Sure, Lupin was the nicer one … but he would never stop Potter and Black from picking on people or try to dissuade them from misbehaviour.

“True,” said Lily, shrugging her shoulders. “Who knows, maybe they’ll all grow up one day,”

“Let’s not hold our breath though, eh?” (F/N) chuckled as they entered the hall. She had been looking forward to lunch, because she’d had little appetite for breakfast and now she was starving. She had a very good idea of why she had no appetite, however, and the reason was sitting almost directly opposite her at the Slytherin table.

Nowadays it was all (F/N) could do to behave normally around Severus and make sure Lily didn’t catch on either …

This particular lunchtime, (F/N) placed herself as far as humanly possible from where Lockhart sat at the Ravenclaw table with his little following of first-years. She was pleased to see that Haydn and Evelyn were sitting very close to the teachers’ table, so she led Lily over to them and grabbed some seats. To her relief, Lockhart seemed too engrossed in his own reflection in the back of a spoon to notice her.

Although Evelyn and Haydn were chatting away about Divination, which happened to be their next lesson and a topic that – ordinarily – (F/N) could not resist discussing as well, her attention was drawn back to the Slytherin table for an entirely different reason. Nolan was whispering something to Timms and appeared very impassioned by whatever it was they were discussing. But what had drawn (F/N)’s gaze was the way they kept looking over at her, very blatantly, and continuing to gossip. What did they know? More importantly, what were they plotting?

(F/N) felt very uneasy. She now had something to hide, and something to lose if her secret got out … If Nolan found out …

(F/N) shook her head and turned back to her lunch. She had lost her appetite again. She pushed her stew around in her bowl for a good five minutes before conceding that her desire to eat had long gone.

After lunch, everyone in the fourth year who took Divination made their way to Professor Moran’s classroom. The class was still comprised of students from every house, due to the numbers who had actually elected to take the subject. Moran was as ethereal as he had been the year before and looked as though he might have been a living statue because he hadn’t even changed his outfit. (F/N) imagined he simply had a wardrobe full of identical articles of clothing that he would change into whenever a set needed to be washed. The man himself was still exquisite, though.

“Today, class, I would like you to divide yourselves into pairs,” said Moran once everyone had found seats, in his deep Irish croon. (F/N) had convinced herself over the past year that Moran must also be a very talented hypnotist, because that voice of his was divine and could have lulled anyone into a state of altered consciousness. “… But not your _usual_ pairs, if you please. Hm … Yes … I believe … Yes. _I_ will select your pairs for today’s exercise; it will yield far better results …”

“Oh my god, I _swear_ if he puts me with one of those weirdos over there …” everyone heard Nolan say, rather loudly.

“No, Miss Nolan, I shall not inflict you upon one of the students over here …” said Moran, in a voice so soft it almost disguised his insult _and_ the disinterest with which it was issued. (F/N) looked down at her hands to stop herself from laughing and when she looked back up she saw Lily’s green eyes were glistening with tears of laughter. Someone else snorted in amusement. Nolan looked furious.

Moran divided them all into pairs as he had suggested, and it seemed obvious to those who actually paid attention in his lessons that it had occurred to him to do so as part of a vision he had clearly only just had. As he passed (F/N)’s table, she stopped him to ask whether this was the case.

“You’re very astute, Miss Castor,” he said, with a very pleasant smile. “Yes, I had a vision. If I had allowed you to select your own pairs, Miss Glass would not obtain the information that awaits her, for example, and you would not have the vision that is also due to you,”

(F/N)’s eyes widened but forced herself to nod. Moran’s ways were quite beyond her and she rarely questioned him. The only time she did was to seek clarification. If Moran had foretold something he was very seldom incorrect …

“You know, my dear, despite the rumours that you are very much like your father, you also bear striking similarities to your mother,” Moran added, in a voice so quiet it was almost indiscernible. His crystal eyes were so clear and bright that they almost looked like ice. “She, too, was a very gifted seer,”

(F/N) smiled at him. “Too?” she repeated.

Moran chuckled. It was a deep, velvety sound that made (F/N)’s spine tingle. Thankfully there was a lot of chatter in the room so the only people who were aware of her conversation with the professor were those sitting at the same table.

“Yes, indeed. Soon, I imagine, there will be very little that will be beyond your grasp in this subject,” he said. “If you could please partner with Master Blythe that would be greatly appreciated,”

Moran floated away with a wink in her direction, a gesture so quick (F/N) wasn’t even sure she’d seen it. He wore the same tranquil smile he always did, and set about pairing other students off. Severus sat on the next table, opposite Cathy Huxley, which he didn’t seem particularly happy about. (F/N) swapped seats with Lily so she could partner Mary McDonald and she went to sit with Haydn.

“This’ll be great!” said Haydn cheerfully, rubbing his hands in glee. “Crystal balls, palm reading _and_ dream interpretation! Are you excited?”

(F/N) smiled gently at her friend and nodded. She wasn’t _excited_ , per se, given a lot of her dreams were a bit weird those days, but she didn’t want to spoil Haydn’s fun. A minute later, however, Professor Moran called silence to the entire room. He may have been quiet, but he had an incredibly powerful effect on the class; there wasn’t a single student he couldn’t control. (F/N) thought this could be considered sinister but there wasn’t anything sinister or remotely threatening about Moran, so she sat comfortably in the knowledge that he was just a good teacher.

As Moran explained what he wanted the class to do, (F/N)’s mind wandered back to what he’d said about her mother being a talented seer and remembered what Auntie Beth had told her about her too. She was, needless to say, very pleased to hear that she was also following in her footsteps. She also wondered what it was that Moran had envisioned for her. She wasn’t sure how she should feel about it all. She was also curious as to how old Moran was if he had known her mother. Was it simply that they were at school together? Or, more bizarrely, had he been her teacher as well?

She had no idea. Moran could have been a hundred years old and he wouldn’t have looked a day over twenty.

(F/N) was dragged back to reality by Haydn craning round to look at her. She had been staring into space, and he had been trying to get her attention. “Whoa,” he said with a grin. “You were miles away,”

“Oh, yeah. You know me,” (F/N) chuckled. “Away with the fairies,”

Haydn laughed with her and suggested they start with dream interpretation. (F/N) did her best to avoid anything to do with romance and relationships. She didn’t want to accidentally reveal anything to Haydn, who also got good marks in Divination. It wouldn’t have taken much for him to cotton on, either … Not that she didn’t trust him …

Next they moved on to palmistry, having gleaned nothing from dream interpretation. (F/N) wasn’t sure if that was because she had deliberately thrown the exercise by telling Haydn about a dream she’d had three weeks ago, rather than her most recent ones. In Haydn’s palm, (F/N) managed to accurately predict what was going to happen to him in the next two minutes but other than that, she said, there was nothing major on the horizon. Haydn seemed pleased with that, and (F/N)’s prediction proved accurate those two minutes later because, when they moved onto the crystal balls, Haydn immediately saw something in (F/N)’s future.

“Right, well … I don’t know if this is right, but … Something big is coming,” he said, peering deeply into the swirling clouds inside the ball. “I … I’m sorry but … I don’t think it’s good,”

(F/N)’s stomach dropped. Haydn doubted himself but he wasn’t often _completely_ wrong. “What do you see?” she asked.

“Hmm … It’s not very clear. Maybe … maybe revenge of some kind? I can see you crying, but … not in the usual sense. Crying inside, perhaps, because I can’t see any physical tears. Does that make sense? Have you ever seen someone crying inside?”

(F/N) couldn’t say she had, but she somehow _knew_ what Haydn was seeing. She nodded calmly and accepted that whatever this was, it was going to happen. “How soon?” she dared to ask. “Can you tell?”

Haydn bit his lower lip and hummed in concentration. “Not soon, but it isn’t far off in time either,”

“Okay …” said (F/N) uncertainly. She wasn’t feeling very good at all now, but she had to learn to get on with things when she received a bad omen. When you dabbled in that subject it was something you had to accept, that sometimes you would get an ominous reading. “My turn?”

“Sure,” said Haydn, sitting back in his chair.

(F/N) peered into the mist herself, concentrating hard on anything that might concern Haydn. They could, of course, scry their own futures but Moran liked them to practise with each other. So, focusing all of her energies on discerning something in Haydn’s future, something further off in time than the next two, five or ten minutes, (F/N) allowed her mind to expand into what Moran described as ‘the beyond’.

A fleeting vision occurred to her, and it took all of (F/N)’s mental might not to break what she saw with thoughts of Moran’s premonition becoming reality. Haydn was there, of course, because it was his future … but so was (F/N). They were celebrating something, but deep in the pit of (F/N)’s stomach she felt a kind of burning sensation … as though a very negative emotion had filled a void there until not so long ago. Haydn was smiling, and he looked as though he had been … up to something. But what? The vision evaporated before (F/N)’s eyes.

“What did you see?” asked Haydn eagerly.

(F/N) told him everything, including what she had felt upon viewing the scene that unfurled.

“That’s weird …” whispered Haydn. “ _Really_ weird. So … Did I help you with something, maybe? Am I _going_ to help you?”

“I don’t know …” said (F/N) honestly. “I do agree that it was weird … Weird as hell …”

Haydn laughed. “Well, I guess we’ll see! Maybe I’ll help avenge whatever it is that’ll make you so sad!”

(F/N) could only smile, despite his cheer being reasonably infectious. Maybe all he said really _would_ be the case, but she couldn’t help but hope that whatever Haydn had seen in the crystal ball had been a mistake. She wasn’t looking forward to this at all, and worse still she knew it would be hard to forget about in the meantime. She would have to be on her guard …

(F/N) left Divination feeling rather deflated and, unfortunately for her, no amount of pretending otherwise would throw Lily off the scent of the despair she felt.

“Gosh, you two don’t seem very happy …” she said, looking from (F/N) to Severus and back again. (F/N) leaned around Lily as they walked and saw that Severus wore a face like thunder. “What’s up?” Lily asked.

(F/N), who was still looking at Severus, managed to avoid answering this question first because Lily noticed that she was looking at him, and so turned her attention to Severus as well. (F/N) breathed a sigh of relief …

“Same as usual,” he said bluntly.

(F/N)’s brow furrowed. Lily chuckled. “You really hate Divination, don’t you?” Lily said. Severus merely nodded and (F/N)’s heart sank. She had rather hoped that whatever was eating Severus up would invite a longer conversation. She should have known better.

“What about you, (F/N)?” said Lily kindly, turning so fast that she nearly whipped (F/N) in the face with her long red hair.

(F/N) sighed and looked straight ahead. “Haydn gave me a bad reading,”

Lily chuckled again. “What, as in he got it wrong?”

“No, I mean …” (F/N) sighed again. “It was a bit dire,”

Lily’s smile also failed her. She knew as well as (F/N) did that Haydn’s talent in Divination was considerable, irrespective of her previous comment suggesting otherwise. (F/N) thought that this was perhaps why Lily thought the idea of one of Haydn’s predictions being incorrect was amusing.

“Dire … how?” Lily asked, shuddering a little.

“He said that sometime soon, but not _too_ soon, something big is going to happen that will make me so sad I’ll ‘cry inside’ and, off the back of this, I’ll want revenge,”

Lily’s eyes grew as wide as dinner plates. She did not look happy. “That’s … _awful_!” she gasped. “Do you know what he might be talking about …?”

“No idea,” said (F/N) with a shrug. She had to try and put it from her mind or it would torture her until the day it happened. “Although I did have a look in the crystal ball for Haydn and it seems he’s going to help me with something one of these days,”

Lily looked ahead too and shook her head. “(F/N), I’m worried …” she said.

“I wouldn’t take it to heart …” Severus began, but Lily cut him off.

“Sev, neither Haydn nor (F/N) have made a wrong prediction yet, have they?”

Severus simply shrugged and kept walking. (F/N) stole a glance at him and saw that he was completely unperturbed. Her heart gave a funny little skip that felt more like a wobble, as if it were drunk and trying to dance.

“Is there a way of putting these things off?” Lily asked desperately.

“I’m sure there is but what would be the point?” (F/N) said honestly. “Knowing my luck it’ll just come around to bite me some other way,” She forced a chuckle; she _really_ wanted to stop talking about it. “Anyway, did either of you get anything good?”

Lily saw what (F/N) was trying to do and frowned at her, but didn’t point out her failed attempt at deception. Lily knew that (F/N) would know damn well that she couldn’t throw her off the trail on such matters, but thankfully she got the hint and told them all about Mary’s predictions.

“She thinks I’ll learn something amazing soon,” said Lily with a hint of excitement. Mary wasn’t the _best_ seer in their class, but she certainly wasn’t the worst, so (F/N) believed that Lily’s excitement was justified. “I wonder what it’ll be …”

“The meaning of life!” (F/N) declared loudly to no one in particular. She pointed towards the end of the corridor, as though she had just found this elusive thing at the top of the stairs ahead of them.

Lily laughed and nudged (F/N) fondly. “You’re such a spanner,”

(F/N) laughed too and linked arms with her, a sign that she knew this fact very well. Severus wondered if he was going to be forced to join in the arm-linking but was pleased to be left alone … for the time being. He broke away with a quiet goodbye when he saw his Slytherin friends and went to join them for a quick chat before the next class.

“Just between you and me …” said Lily, as they climbed the stairs to Gryffindor Tower. “… I’m worried about him,”

“Who? Sev?”

“Yeah … Don’t you think the people he hangs out with are a bit … odd?”

(F/N) grinned. “Oh, absolutely. But he’s got us to even things out a bit, hasn’t he?”

Lily gave (F/N) a weak smile. “I guess you’re right,”

All thoughts of Haydn’s ominous divinations had gone from their minds and the friends made their way to the common room to ditch their bags before CoMC, their last lesson of the afternoon. Kettleburn had mentioned at the end of the previous one that they wouldn’t need their equipment, because it would mostly be practical work.

For now, everything would continue as normal.


	24. Chapter 24

(F/N) had mostly forgotten the bizarre fortune she had been told by Haydn, but it would occasionally remind her of its existence in the form of an alarming dream, or a swift jolt of nervous energy that began in her stomach and rippled through her body. The latter would occur when she saw either Nolan or the Marauders. She wasn’t sure if this was a sign or if she was just being paranoid.

Nothing had happened since she saw Nolan whispering in the Great Hall weeks before. Nothing had come of … well, anything. (F/N) had simply been permitted to go about her daily business without fear of being jinxed or hindered in any way. Even Lockhart appeared distracted, and that was one of the best things of all; it was quite a weight off (F/N)’s shoulders to know that she wouldn’t trip over him if she suddenly rounded a corner or moved to a different room.

She had been extremely pleased to learn that the Veritaserum she and Severus brewed had turned out perfectly. What made _that_ victory even sweeter was seeing him smile. (F/N) wondered if she was a bit strange for watching him as often as she did, waiting to catch a smile or even a _smirk_ , even if it wasn’t directed at her. She had done remarkably well to hide her feelings from everyone and she decided, for the time being, it would stay that way.

Now Slughorn wanted them to attempt an Elixir to Induce Euphoria. (F/N) was quite sure that if they had managed to brew Veritaserum they would be able to brew this too. Slughorn had also said that the marks they were awarded for these advanced potions would go towards their exam the following year – in his mind, it wouldn’t do to have them toiling away for nothing. So, (F/N) thought, there was even more reason than just the person she was working with for her to impress with her own, individual talents.

By May (F/N) was reasonably confident that she had somehow managed to avoid the dreadful events Haydn had foretold. That was until they encountered a surprisingly blustery Friday afternoon, when the sun was still warm and bright enough for people to want to remain outside despite the wind. (F/N) was sitting by herself in the courtyard, reading as usual, and waiting for Lily and Severus to join her – they had just needed to make a quick trip to the library to return some books. (F/N) sat facing against the wind so it would keep her hair out of her face while she read.

A few people were milling about, which was why she didn’t trouble herself to look up when a few more, louder students entered the courtyard. She wasn’t sure why she didn’t register those voices, for she knew them very well, but before she knew it they were upon her and yanked the book out of her hands.

“What do you want?” she hissed as Nolan stood over her, clearly trying to intimidate her.

“Just seeing if you were still poring over that photo of your dead parents,” Nolan sneered. (F/N) sneered back; she wouldn’t ever be foolish enough to carry that around with her anymore, not while Nolan was around.

“You didn’t come here to goad me with that, did you?” (F/N) growled.

“No, you’re right. I didn’t,” Nolan said, in a disgustingly flowery voice. “Grab her,”

“Wh- _what_?!” (F/N) squealed, as Timms and Moseley grabbed both of her arms and dragged her off the wall she was sitting on. The wind blew harder, making Nolan’s robes flutter wildly. She continued to leer down at (F/N) where she now knelt uncomfortably on the flagged stone courtyard floor, with her arms held behind her by the other two.

“So, little orphan …” Nolan said, crouching down in front of (F/N) so that they were at eye-level. “… Remember what I said to you on the train in September?”

(F/N) cast her mind to that day and smirked right back at Nolan. “You said I’d regret saying your parents were in Azkaban,”

“Mm-hm,” Nolan muttered. Her tone was far more condescending now. “And you thought I didn’t mean it, I suppose?”

(F/N) laughed then. “Oh, I knew you meant it,” she replied bravely. “You always mean it. I just wasn’t scared,”

Nolan scoffed incredulously. “And now?”

“I’m still not scared,”

Nolan’s hand shot out and pinched (F/N)’s cheek, hard. While she had hold of her she gave her head a good shake before letting go and slapping the spot she’d pinched. (F/N) hardly flinched, such was her determination to be brave. Because she wasn’t a coward, and because she wouldn’t give Nolan the satisfaction of seeing her cry …

Because Haydn’s prediction was coming true.

A few people were still walking past, but none of them seemed to be paying any attention to what was going on. Maybe that was because Nolan was standing again, hiding (F/N) who was still kneeling on the floor.

“So, because you were so kind as to tell everyone in the vicinity that my parents are in Azkaban …” said Nolan unkindly. “… let’s see what secrets _you’ve_ got up your sleeve,”

(F/N) felt as though she’d been kicked in the guts. No … no, no, no … Not this. It was all she had to hide from people … She was normally very open, but there were things she didn’t want people to know … _One_ thing in particular … Maybe Nolan wouldn’t ask … How would she make her talk? (F/N) had a terrible feeling she knew the answer to that …

Nolan sniggered, as if she knew what (F/N) was thinking. Another almighty gust of wind tore across the school. This time (F/N) could smell rain. Why did this always happen when she was upset? It was as though the heavens themselves listened to her.

“Okay …” Nolan simpered, as though cajoling a small child. “It’s time for your medicine. Open up like a good girl …” She produced a small phial of clear liquid from the pocket of her robe. It looked like water. (F/N) knew better, and kept her mouth clamped tightly shut – so tightly, in fact, she thought her teeth would break.

“Oh, really, now!” Nolan scolded, as though she were her mother. “Are you going to make me force you?”

(F/N) remained completely silent, thinking that yes, if Nolan wanted to play this game, she _would_ have to force her. She had never had any practice in resisting the effects of Veritaserum and she felt quite sure she wouldn’t be able to (as was the case for most people), but her doom was fast approaching anyway so she resigned herself to being as difficult as possible. Maybe a teacher would come along and see, and stop this horror … She could only pray …

Nolan gave a very fake sigh, as though it pained her to do what she was about to, as if (F/N) truly had forced her hand. “You leave me no choice, then,” she said, with an uncaring shrug of her shoulders. “Hold her still,”

Timms’ and Moseley’s grips tightened beyond all necessity and Nolan approached. She pulled the stopper out of the phial with a dainty _pop_ and smirked, throwing the stopper away. “Cecily, pull her head back,” she instructed.

(F/N) snarled, not unlike a feral bobcat, as Moseley’s fingers tangled in her soft (H/C) hair and yanked her head back so hard she thought her neck would snap. Still, though, she kept her mouth shut. She wouldn’t have put it past Nolan to administer it by putting it up her nose or something, though …

(F/N) wished she could have been anywhere but there. With her face to the sky she saw a few birds soaring high above, flitting around the castle’s highest towers, buffeted occasionally by the wind. She wished she could be one … _They_ didn’t have to endure torment like this …

Nolan sighed again, more impatiently this time. (F/N) couldn’t see her from this angle, but she saw her hand as it came very close to her face. Then, very roughly, Nolan pinched (F/N)’s nose and held it hard. (F/N) hadn’t had a chance to hold her breath, and knew it wouldn’t be long before she had to take one, and inevitably open her mouth …

It came quicker than expected, because Nolan kicked her in the top of her knee, making her gasp in pain. (F/N) shrieked in anger as Nolan upended the entire bottle of serum into her mouth, shaking it to make sure none of it was wasted. (F/N) tried to spit but Nolan grabbed her chin before she could, and forcibly closed her mouth.

(F/N) had never wriggled and writhed so much in all her life. Had she had the use of her hands one of those girls would have received a very serious, very powerful punch to whichever body part first came into contact with her fist. In her distress, she was even powerless to use magic against them. Nolan held her nose again so that she would swallow, and so that she could breathe again. If (F/N) thought what she had suffered so far was the worst thing, she had another thing coming …

“All right, so now that you’ve taken that …” Nolan mused, as though trying to decide what to do with (F/N) now, as though she hadn’t already decided. “I think you can let her go now, girls,”

Moseley and Timms released (F/N) and stepped away, probably because they – quite sensibly – feared her wrath. (F/N) tried to stand, so she could run or at least face them, but just as she made to move Nolan cried, “ _Immobulus_!”

(F/N) fell back into a kneeling position, her legs still locked from before. She couldn’t move at all, except for her eyes and mouth. She was quite sure that the charm was supposed to freeze the whole body, but maybe Nolan thought that this was all it was meant to do, dim as she could sometimes be. She glared up at Nolan, seething with anger. Her arms were limp, and her hands sat in her lap as though dead.

“Now, (F/N), _dearest_ …” Nolan sneered. “I’m going to ask you some questions, and you’re going to answer me …”

(F/N) couldn’t shake her head. It was because, she knew, the Veritaserum would force her. To add to her horror, (F/N) saw that multiple students were now standing around wondering what was going on. Most of them, interestingly or not, were Slytherins. And, to make things infinitely worse, Lily and Severus had just appeared in the doorway to the courtyard and were staring at her kneeling there with as much mortification as she felt.

“(F/N)!” Lily shouted, and broke into a run to try and reach her. It was no good – Moseley appeared at her side with her wand pointing straight at Lily’s face. Severus had also done the same, only to be held hostage by Timms.

“Oh, goody!” Nolan cried with an almost psychopathic level of enthusiasm. If only she had clapped her hands together, (F/N) thought, she would have completed the neurotic image she was painting of herself. “Now your little friends can watch the show!”

“(F/N)! _(F/N)_! What’s going on? Are you okay?!” Lily screamed, tears welling up in her bright green eyes.

(F/N) could only move her eyes to look at her best friend. She was about to answer when Nolan clamped a cold, clammy hand over her mouth.

“No!” she barked in her face. “You will only answer _my_ questions!”

(F/N) blinked up helplessly into Nolan’s face, once pretty but now contorted with an evil amusement.

“Now …” said Nolan, taking her hand away. “What is your name?”

“… (F/N) Castor,”

“And which house are you in?”

“Gryffindor,”

“Oh _god!_ ” Lily cried. “You’ve given her Veritaserum! You evil cow!”

“Oh, shut up, Evans,” came Nolan’s disinterested drawl. “Or I’ll make you,”

(F/N) glanced over at Lily and implored her with only her eyes to be quiet. She didn’t want to see her hurt, especially not while she was impaired like this …

“Right, now that we know for _sure_ that you’re under the influence …” Nolan sniggered. “Let’s start with some easy questions. Firstly: Who brewed the potion you just took?”

“Severus Snape and I,” The answers were falling from (F/N)’s lips as though she wasn’t even the one giving them. Nolan smirked and her friends tittered annoyingly in the background.

“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have,” Nolan said. She began to walk, pacing around (F/N) like a predator about to pounce on its prey. “Let’s see … What else? Ah, maybe some of our newcomers today might like to know … Is it true that your parents are dead?”

(F/N) wanted to rip her face off. “Yes,” she said. No one laughed, which wasn’t surprising.

“And is it true that you carry a photograph of them with you?”

“I used to,”

“Why did you stop?”

“Because you got hold of it in second year,”

“Do you miss Mummy and Daddy?”

“I never met them but … yes, I suppose,” (F/N) was trembling as she said this. _Why_ was Nolan so keen to out her for being an orphan? It wasn’t something other people found very funny.

Nolan cleared her throat and started again. “Was your mum a witch?”

“Yes,”

“And your dad a wizard?”

“So people tell me,”

“Then why is your dear _auntie_ a Muggle? Were your parents filthy Mudbloods?”

(F/N) was stunned for a moment. She had known Nolan was friendly with some of the kids in their year who thought Lord Voldemort had some excellent ideas, but she hadn’t ever heard her use that disgusting word before. Not that she thought it was beneath her, but …

“N-no. My aunt said my grandparents were magical, too,” she said. She remembered Auntie Beth telling her that once, a long time ago, when she had first realised ...

Nolan let out a loud and piercing shriek of laughter. “So your aunt is a _Squib_?!” she cackled. “Oh, that’s _almost_ as bad! Imagine, having a Squib in the family. I think I’d die of embarrassment,”

(F/N) ignored Nolan as best she could. She hadn’t known her grandparents very well, so Auntie Beth’s ‘blood status’ had confused her somewhat, but what more was there to say than that she was a Squib? So what if she was?

She had no more time to dwell on it, though, for a barrage of worse and worse questions were levelled at her.

“ _What was your worst nightmare_?” “ _What was your most embarrassing moment_?” “ _What colour knickers are you wearing_?”

The last one made (F/N)’s face flush to an unbearable heat. She wouldn’t have cared about that question if Severus hadn’t been standing right there. Rain had started to fall, and she was getting wet, sitting on the cold, hard floor. Nobody else seemed to care. (F/N) glanced back at Lily and saw that she was crying her eyes out. (F/N) wanted to hug her, but she herself was determined not to cry. She would _not_.

“Black,” she said miserably.

“Ooh,” Nolan tittered, looking to her friends for encouragement. “Why black, Castor? Trying to impress someone? I wonder if they’re all lacy, too …”

“ _Stop it, stop it!_ ” Lily screamed. Nolan ignored her.

Nolan paced behind (F/N) again and hissed into her ear, “ _Slut,_ ”

(F/N)’s pants _weren’t_ lacy, but she would be damned if she was going to tell everyone that. That was practically inviting Nolan to hang her upside down with the Levitation Charm and show all of Hogwarts.

That question seemed to have given Nolan an idea, though. As she strolled round to her front, (F/N) saw her cruel eyes twinkle as though she had just stumbled across buried treasure. Nolan leaned in very close and said, loud enough for everyone to hear, “Do you have a crush?”

(F/N) gulped. Now, more than ever, would be a good time to try and resist the effects of the potion. She knew it would be in vain, but she had to try. She tried very hard, but her mouth and voice betrayed her. The Veritaserum was too strong, as it was designed to be.

“Yes,” she whispered. It came out as a wheeze from her efforts to keep the answer in, and the pattering of the rain nearly drowned her voice. Her hair was beginning to stick to her face, and she imagined she looked a very sorry sight indeed.

Nolan chuckled darkly. “I don’t think the others heard you,” she said, standing up straight. “ _Do you have a crush_?” she repeated.

“Yes,” (F/N) replied, louder this time. Anger burned in her striking (E/C) eyes.

Nolan turned to her friends who were now shrieking with laughter and triumph. Lily looked tormented. Even Severus was aghast; his pale face was somehow even whiter.

“Who?” Nolan demanded.

(F/N) resisted the urge to answer and shuddered violently in the process. So violently, in fact, that she made herself feel sick. Not that she wasn’t feeling unwell already …

“Who – do – you – _fancy_?” Nolan spat.

The first sound out of (F/N)’s mouth was a tiny little whimper. Then, as quietly as she could, she said, “Severus …”

Nolan’s eyes glinted like blades in candlelight. “What was that? Say it _louder_. Full name!”

(F/N) closed her eyes and took a deep, shuddering breath. She wouldn’t cry. She would – not – cry. She opened them again and looked Nolan straight in the eyes. The wind was almost howling now, and the rain was getting heavier. The clouds above threatened a proper storm. A low rumble sounded from somewhere above, but nobody was sure if it was thunder or simply the wind buffeting the castle.

“Severus Snape,” (F/N) said, as loudly and clearly as she dared.

She glanced at Lily first. Her hair was wild in the wind and wet with rainwater. Her green eyes were even brighter from the tears she’d shed, and the whites were bloodshot. Her cheeks were red and streaked from crying. Her expression, though, was very different to how it had been before; she was shocked, but not unpleasantly so.

(F/N) couldn’t bring herself to look at Severus. She could feel his dark eyes on her, but she couldn’t meet them. Not this time. The world around her seemed to go white for a moment, and once again she imagined she was somewhere else … flying with the birds … free …

There was an incredibly loud _bang_ and then … nothing. (F/N) felt light, though, as if she really could have had wings, and really was flying away …


	25. Chapter 25

Lily sat at (F/N)’s bedside all weekend. She had never been so scared in her entire life. It had been awful enough watching her best friend being tortured by Nolan but then to have to see everything that came after … She wasn’t sure she would have been able to sleep if she’d gone back to her dormitory, so she decided it was best to stay right beside (F/N) while she recovered.

(F/N) had been in the hospital wing under Madam Pomfrey’s care for two whole days before she woke up. The first thing she saw was the ceiling, but she couldn’t work out where she was at first. She’d had very few reasons to visit the hospital wing in the past, but as soon as everything came into focus she wished she’d just pass out again.

The realisation that everything she _thought_ had happened really _had_ happened was nothing short of awful. It was extreme, she knew, but in her horror she wanted to die.

(F/N) turned her head to the side on her fluffy pillow and blinked a few times. Lily came into focus and tears were swimming in her eyes.

“Oh, you’re awake …!” she said, in a voice barely louder than a whisper. “How are you feeling?”

(F/N) hadn’t really thought about how she felt _physically_. Now that her mind had been redirected, she realised she felt fine but her left side was very sore. From her shoulder and all the way down her arm, all the way down her ribs to her hip, and about halfway down her leg, she felt a burning, tingling sensation. She glanced down at her arm and saw that Madam Pomfrey had bound her arm and placed it in a sling.

“I’m … okay, thanks,” she replied quietly.

Lily scooted her chair closer to (F/N)’s bed and gave her the brightest smile of relief (F/N) had ever seen. She reached over and gently took the hand that wasn’t wrapped in bandages. “Good … I’ve been worried sick about you, I’ve been here all weekend …”

“ _Really_?!” (F/N) gasped. “Oh, Lil, you shouldn’t have …”

“How could I not?!” Lily cried, voice wobbling dangerously. “You’re my best friend, and after what happened to you out there …”

(F/N) felt the heat rise to her cheeks and she closed her eyes slowly, took a deep breath, and opened them again. “I can’t believe you all saw that …”

“Oh god, it made me feel sick to my stomach, and we couldn’t even help you!” Lily said, bowing her head low over the edge of the bed. She was obviously trying not to cry again. “I’m sorry, (F/N), I’m so sorry …”

“Lil, you really don’t need to be …” (F/N) said gently. “Please …”

Lily looked up, eyes brimming with tears. She seemed lost for words.

(F/N) sat up a little straighter and, staring at the bedclothes, asked, “What happened to Nolan?”

Lily gave a little groan. “Got away with it, pretty much,” she said joylessly. “ _I_ think she should have been expelled. She just got detention for the remainder of the school year, and Helena Timms was expelled instead,”

(F/N) blinked at the bed. She knew, if she looked at Lily, her eyes would betray her anger. Then again, she knew how good a liar Nolan was.

“Sev and I were called on as witnesses. None of the Slytherins standing around would confess to being there,” Lily went on. “Nolan burst into tears in Dumbledore’s office and said that Timms was behind it all, Confunded her and Moseley and everything …”

(F/N) shook her head in disbelief. Dumbledore had believed that? Her silence seemed to be a question.

“I don’t think Dumbledore _did_ believe her,” Lily assured her. “After we were dismissed Professor McGonagall took me aside and told me to keep an eye on Nolan, because neither she nor Dumbledore were convinced but there was no other evidence,”

“What about your version of things?” (F/N) asked.

“Nolan cried even more and said that of _course_ we would say that we saw her doing it all, Timms had _Confunded_ her,” Lily said, imitating Nolan alarmingly well.

She sounded broken by what she’d endured by having to watch what happened. (F/N) was stumped for a few minutes and, desperate to avoid the topic of their mutual friend and object of her affections, selected an alternate line of enquiry. “So … how did I end up in here?” she said with an odd little chuckle.

Lily’s eyes widened considerably. “Oh … oh, you … Do you remember, there was a storm when this was all going on?”

(F/N) remembered that the weather had turned bad at the time, certainly. She nodded. If Lily said it was a storm then it must have been; she couldn’t remember much about it now.

“Right after the last question she made you answer you … you were hit by lightning …”

She was _what_? Why on God’s green earth would she have been hit by lightning? It was a rare thing to be struck. Sure, the sky had threatened thunder but …

“I’ve noticed this …” said Lily quietly. “When you’re upset … it gets windy, rainy, whatever … It’s like it reacts to you,”

(F/N) looked at her curiously and then, as if to test that theory, craned her neck to look out of the window behind her. It was high, so all she could see was the sky, but it was very grey and gloomy which was just how she felt.

“Can you control it?” Lily asked, eyes glittering with sudden excitement. “The weather, I mean. Elements,”

“I couldn’t tell you for sure,” said (F/N) with another quiet chuckle. “Maybe I have some kind of influence on it, but I wouldn’t exactly call it _control_ ,” she added, raising her bound arm as an example of what she was talking about. Whenever she thought about the damage she’d done to herself – it kept occurring to her in those quiet times between changes of subject – fear bubbled up inside her. What if her lightning – provided, of course, it really _was_ hers – had hit someone else? What if it had, and they hadn’t got off as lightly? She could have _killed_ someone …

(F/N) shuddered, as though someone had just walked across her grave. Lily, who had been watching her closely, said, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

(F/N) nodded firmly and forced herself to concentrate on something else. She couldn’t think of anything worse than this power, this magic she had been so thrilled to discover she possessed, becoming untameable and dangerous. She didn’t want to be someone to fear, someone to beware. She didn’t want to _hurt_ anyone …

Her eyes fell upon her bedside cabinet. There were two bunches of colourful flowers and an assortment of get-well-soon cards. On the other side there was another bouquet. She couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face. Lily noticed her looking and smiled too.

“Do you want me to pass them to you?” she asked kindly.

(F/N) nodded and smiled even wider. Lily passed her the first, opening it up for her. It was from the other girls in their dormitory, signed off with hearts, kisses and smiley faces. The next one was from Haydn, and the message inside was written in his beautiful cursive handwriting. (F/N) had never seen a boy write so neatly; it was almost artistic in its way. There was another, from Lockhart, lamenting the terrible incident and the condition it left (F/N) in. The next two cards surprised her though, and Lily noticed.

“So … Edith Bradshaw felt really, _really_ bad about what happened,” she said. Sure enough, Edith had written a rather long, apologetic message in her card to (F/N) and said that if she ever wanted to talk about anything she could come to her. (F/N) suddenly felt quite emotional; Edith really did seem want to be her friend …

The last card was even more of a surprise. It was signed by Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew. (F/N) looked at Lily with a very curious expression, one that screamed _‘what the hell?’_

Lily chuckled. “I was confused as well. They came by yesterday afternoon, saying it didn’t mean we were all friends now – I said I was glad that wasn’t the assumption – but that they were sorry to hear what happened. Read it!”

(F/N) grinned and shook her head. A wry joke occurred to her then; was the fact that the Marauders had given her a get-well-soon card the _real_ madness in all this? She opened the card and read: ‘ _We’re sorry to hear about what happened to you._ _They deserve all the hell they’ve got coming.’_

“Even _they_ didn’t think you deserved what Nolan did to you,” said Lily with a smile. “Maybe they’ve grown up a bit,”

“I wouldn’t count on it, but this is a nice gesture,” (F/N) said, rereading the little message. A warm, fuzzy feeling pooled in the pit of her stomach. It really was nice – she stood by that. “Who are the flowers from?”

Lily giggled. “Well, the bouquet over there is from the teachers …” she said, giggling all the more as (F/N)’s face turned very pink. “… They were ever so worried about you; it was really sweet …”

(F/N) thought her face would catch fire. They were worried? About her?

“Hagrid’s been in two or three times to see you,” Lily went on. “Says you’re one of his all-time favourites, bless him. I thought he was going to cry. He brought the flowers and said they were from the faculty, and you would have had more visits had classes not been so busy …”

(F/N) nodded and smiled. She _really_ appreciated the token and was touched beyond words that her teachers thought so highly of her.

“And _this_ one is from me,” Lily said excitedly, reaching the short distance to primp the bouquet she was referring to. It was a beautiful bunch of white, pink and lilac flowers. (F/N) was almost surprised to see that there weren’t any lilies. They were enchanted so their petals glittered, and their leaves waved merrily at her.

“They’re lovely …!” (F/N) said, gazing at the shimmery flowers.

Lily beamed happily at her. “And these …” she said, pointing to the other vase. “… believe it or not, are from Sev,”

(F/N)’s eyes shot so wide open she thought it must have looked quite unnatural. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, like some sort of ridiculous guppy, before turning away from Lily and staring straight ahead. How could she even respond? What should she say first? She had no idea, but she heard Lily chuckling again.

“It’s not really his style, is it? I was surprised too, but he has been worried about you,” she said. When (F/N)’s pink cheeks became very pale – almost a little green, in fact – Lily gave her a very sympathetic look. “Hey … I know what you must be thinking, and you shouldn’t be worried … I spoke to him about it and he just seemed surprised,”

(F/N) remained silent and wore an expression that made her appear almost traumatised. She appreciated what Lily was saying, but … _really?_ Severus was only _surprised?_ Once again, Lily seemed to know what she was thinking.

“Do you really think he’d have given you flowers if your crush had scared him off?” said Lily. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t know what he thinks _beyond_ the initial shock of knowing someone fancies him, but he certainly wasn’t upset. Nor did he seem to think he should stay away from you,”

(F/N) felt as though a lead weight had been lifted from her. Severus wasn’t upset, and didn’t think they should stop being friends … Even though she didn’t really have any answers with regards to how he felt about her in return, she was pleased with the way it had all turned out.

She supposed that, thinking back, worse than finding out that she had a crush on him, Severus and a bunch of others had found out what colour pants she was wearing that day. She felt the crimson returning to her cheeks.

“I think it’s really cute,” said Lily breezily. “You know, you liking him and all. Like I said, he hasn’t told me what he really thinks, but … I’d love it if you two went out,”

(F/N) blushed even harder. Even if it turned out that Severus _didn’t_ feel the same way she was content in knowing that he didn’t dislike her for her feelings. She didn’t want to get her hopes up either, so she distracted herself with other thoughts.

She remembered what she mumbled to herself after Nolan had threatened her on the train. _Whatever she did to her, she would repay her hundredfold_ …

(F/N) allowed herself a small, gratifying smirk while Lily busied herself with rearranging the cards and flowers. She _would_ repay Nolan for what she’d done to her, and her retribution would be severe.

 _How_ she would do it was another question entirely. It was time to get scheming.

***

(F/N) thought long and hard about what she was going to do to get even with Nolan. It was difficult to remain patient and resist the urge to do something rash, because every day that (F/N) saw Nolan and didn’t do anything to her, Nolan’s self-satisfied smirk grew wider and more irritating. But (F/N) would bide her time, and her revenge would be sweet _and_ spectacular.

She returned to school as normal on the Monday following the incident, still with her arm in a sling and bandages. That evening, though, she took a bath and was finally able to assess the damage for herself.

She hadn’t been able to see the rest of her body because the sling was too large, but once it was off she saw that the areas that had been sore and stinging were now etched with intricate scars that branched out across her skin like ice on a cold pane of glass. These Lichtenberg figures were, in (F/N)’s opinion, rather beautiful in nature but they served as a terrible reminder, both of the incident and the wild, unrestrained power that caused the scars. After a while she couldn’t bear to look at them anymore, and washed herself as quickly as possible.

(F/N) didn’t mention them to Lily until she saw them for herself, when they were changing into their pyjamas one evening. Lily had assured her that they weren’t ugly – which (F/N) had convinced herself they were, despite thinking they were interesting at first – and had told her not to worry about them. She had still looked _very_ worried, though. They ran all the way from (F/N)’s shoulder to her forearm and stopped inches from her wrist; they ran down her left side (although not underneath her arm), and all the way down her left leg, again stopping inches above her ankle. She thought herself fortunate that they hadn’t spread further over her body.

For the longest time she took great care to change clothes with her ‘good’ side facing the other girls in her dormitory. She didn’t want anyone else to see. What if they saw, and thought power like that was too dangerous to be near? (F/N) couldn’t control it, therefore _she_ was dangerous, surely?

(F/N) often had to force herself to forget these things on the day-to-day, otherwise she’d never get any schoolwork done. Her teachers hadn’t mentioned it _specifically_ to her – except for Hagrid, who had to restrain himself from hugging her the instant he saw her – but she felt sure that their gazes were softer when they looked her way. A couple of them had given her less homework and Professor McGonagall – who most certainly was not one of the teachers giving less homework – had even stopped her after class one day to ask how she was. She hadn’t known what to say, other than thank-you for the flowers as she had heard they were from all of the teachers. McGonagall had looked at her kindly and made it perfectly clear that if she needed to speak to an adult she would be available whenever (F/N) required – as long it wasn’t three o’clock in the morning, of course.

That had made (F/N) smile.

The change in some of the other students had been quite noticeable, too. The Marauders were oddly respectful nowadays, but they seemed to be giving Severus more hell than usual, and what made it worse was the way they _always_ waited until she was nowhere in sight. Lily hardly ever left (F/N)’s side and even insisted on accompanying her to the bathroom when they were out and about. She was fiercely protective of her now, and hardly anyone could approach (F/N) while her back was turned or Lily would be on them in a heartbeat. (F/N) often caught herself smiling when she thought about it; it was a miracle no one had been frightened off completely.

Haydn hardly left her alone, either. Whenever he was presented with an opportunity he was at her side, talking to her as though she’d had a brush with death and was now a fragile being who needed to be swaddled in cotton wool for the rest of her life. She appreciated his concern though, and it was nice to see so much of him. The same could not be said for Lockhart, however, who seemed to have made it his primary ambition to see her every day and make sure she would go to him if she needed anything, “anything at all”, he said.

Whenever (F/N) saw Edith around the school she was hardly ever with Nolan anymore. She seemed to have distanced herself after the incident. A few times (F/N) had happened across her in the library and they had sat down to study together. It only took a few days for them to strike up what they both felt was a proper friendship. Lily had been very accepting of Edith’s intentions to make friends and never once expressed concern that Edith may have had ulterior motives. Eventually she felt safe leaving (F/N) in her company.

Then, of course, there was Severus. (F/N) had been extremely nervous about seeing him for the first time after everything that happened, especially since the first lesson she was able to attend was Potions, and she sat right next to him in that class. Perhaps she had perceived his usual quiet demeanour to be one of awkwardness but as soon as Slughorn gave them the go-ahead to start making the potion of the day he had turned to her and asked, just as quietly as ever, how she was feeling. It was almost as if nothing had happened, and as if he was none the wiser.

She had looked at him, dumbfounded, and fell just a little bit harder. Sure, he could be standoffish and sometimes even a bit grumpy, but when he cared, he _cared._ There was no mistaking that. Perhaps that was something she had seen in him all along and that was why it made her heart pound when he asked how she was. She had lied and said she was fine, because she really wasn’t, but having all of her friends and teachers showing such concern for her lifted her spirits. She had taken great care not to look into Severus’ eyes as she thought all of these things, though, because she knew better than to do that. He’d heard enough of her darkest secrets lately. He didn’t need to know any more.

As time went on, she wasn’t sure what would have been worse: Severus distancing himself from her because of her feelings and not reciprocating or pretending the issue didn’t exist at all. Maybe he didn’t see it as an issue, she’d once thought … But she would have liked to know his own thoughts on the matter. Then she could act accordingly. Move on, or … or …

Most days, she tried not to think about that either. She would take a deep breath and content herself with the knowledge that Severus didn’t mind how she felt about him. He was still being perfectly amicable with her. He wasn’t awkward in any way. Nothing he ever did even _reminded_ her of her crush on him other than actually seeing him every day. Nothing was ever said, though.

One thing (F/N) _had_ noticed, though, was Lily’s tendency to grin and waggle her eyebrows at her whenever she caught her staring at him, or whenever he looked at her. It was almost as if Lily knew something (F/N) didn’t, but the latter felt certain that, after a few weeks of Severus knowing about her crush, he might have said something by now if he felt the same way.

She therefore concluded that he didn’t, and he was simply being delicate with her.

It had been a hard pill for (F/N) to swallow but she took it, nonetheless. She refocused her energy on devising a plan to get back at Nolan for all of the hurt she caused. She delved into the deepest recesses of her mind for some clever clue as to how she could exact her revenge. Eventually, she decided that there was only one thing for it.

She would settle for nothing less than seeing Nolan expelled, just as she had done to Timms.

It took her several weeks to come up with a plan and gather all of the necessary … weapons. She hadn’t realised it but, in this time, she had unintentionally distanced herself from Lily and Severus. Unbeknown to her, Severus had spoken to Lily about it one day in early June.

“Was it something I did?” he said quietly.

“No, it couldn’t have been,” Lily reassured him. “She hasn’t said anything about it to me,”

“She hasn’t said very much to _anyone_ lately …” Severus pointed out.

“I know …” Lily admitted with a great sigh. They were whispering to each other, watching (F/N) from across the library. They had followed her there, wondering what she’d been busying herself with recently. Except during classes and occasionally mealtimes, they hadn’t seen much of her over the past week. “Sev, I’m worried about her. She’s got this look about her …”

“What sort of look?”

“I don’t know … There’s just this glint in her eye. Savage, almost. I mean, _I’d_ be bloody savage if Nolan had done that to me …”

“I think anyone would …” Severus said with a small sigh of his own. He felt bad for (F/N), he really did. “Do you think I should talk to her about it?”

Lily’s apprehensive expression became one of alarm. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea … Not that I think she _wouldn’t_ be open to a conversation about it – I’m sure she’s been wondering – but I just don’t think it’s the right time …”

“When, then? It’s definitely the elephant in the room these days …”

“She’s not awkward about it anymore, I don’t think …” Lily said, growing weary of how much she didn’t know or think. In truth, (F/N) had told her very little of her feelings or any developments over the last few weeks. “It’s just …”

“What?”

“She’s on the warpath,” said Lily with certainty. “I’m worried because I think she’s going to try and get revenge. Remember what Haydn told her in Divination going back a while ago?”

Severus nodded.

“I just don’t want her to go getting herself into trouble …” Lily whispered, so quietly Severus struggled to hear her.

(F/N) didn’t know that her friends were concerned about her, not because she was ignorant of them but because she didn’t think there was anything to be concerned about. If anything, she was about to gain the upper hand. Her plan was nearly ready for execution.

Friday evening, the last in June. (F/N) had carefully selected this day, turning it into an appointment of sorts. Her plan would be working to a strict deadline, and absolutely nothing could be allowed to go wrong. She had been over it many, many times, and had paid _very_ special attention to the finer points. She had even managed to recruit a couple of helpers, resources she cherished more than anything else in this plot and would guard more fiercely than the instructions she had so painstakingly set out for them all.

Her accomplices were Haydn and Edith. They had all become so involved in working out how they were going to operate and which roles they would play that none of them could even remember how they came together as partners in crime. Now, (F/N) stood in an empty classroom on the fifth floor waiting for the others to arrive. Sitting beside her were two glasses of a thick, brown, broth-like potion which bubbled away with a slightly sickening quality and was not unlike swamp water in its consistency. It had taken her a month to brew the Polyjuice Potion, and she had done it all by herself, something she was very proud of.

(F/N) still jumped half a foot into the air when the door clicked open and Haydn walked in. He was taller than most, so at a quick glance he might have been a teacher. As soon as he was inside, Edith appeared behind him and swiftly shut the door behind her.

“How are we doing?” (F/N) asked, as Edith approached the desk she was leaning on.

Edith grinned and gave her a rather comical thumbs-up. “Patty’s ‘asleep’ in her bed with the curtains drawn ...” she said slyly. It had been her job, as one of Nolan’s roommates, to find some method of keeping her out of the way. That method had come in the form of the Full Body-Bind Curse, which Edith happened to be quite proficient with. Nolan apparently liked to nap in the afternoons between their last lessons and dinner, which explained why she always seemed to have enough energy to pick on people in the evenings but never got any homework done. Her tendencies left her open to Edith’s attack, and all she had had to do afterwards was pull the curtains around her bed.

“Was anyone else in your dormitory?” (F/N) asked anxiously. If anyone saw Nolan ‘sleeping’ then she would have an alibi and the whole game would be over.

Edith gave her a reassuring smile. “No one was there. Helena was expelled because of Patty, and they haven’t replaced her. Cecily is too busy these days mooning over Nathaniel Warr – you know, the Ravenclaw? – so she spends all her time down by the Quidditch pitch. And Linda’s _always_ in the library this time of day,”

Linda Sheehan was the other Slytherin girl who shared a room with Nolan and Edith. (F/N) allowed herself her first smile of the evening; Edith was very thorough, and it set her mind at ease. “And you’ve got the other stuff?” she asked.

Edith nodded and drew two objects from her inside pocket. One was a wand – Nolan’s wand. The other was a glass phial with a single, long, blonde hair contained within. (F/N) took both from Edith and twirled the wand between her fingers like a baton, only smaller and thinner.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t prefer _me_ to be Patty?” Edith asked nervously. “It would make things so much easier …”

“Maybe so, but I won’t risk you taking the fall if this all goes to hell,” (F/N) said resolutely. Edith had never heard her talk like this; hers was the voice of a leader now, and it sent a rush of excitement through her veins like a shot of electricity. She watched as (F/N) placed the wand and phial carefully on the table. “Have you got the spare uniform?”

“Oh, yes!” said Edith suddenly. She opened her bag to reveal nothing else inside but one of her own spares. One of the first things (F/N) realised when she decided upon the Polyjuice plan was that she was smaller than Nolan, but Edith was not. Therefore, if she could just borrow one of _her_ uniforms and Slytherin ties then she would be able to turn into Nolan with no problems and then return the uniform to Edith at a later, safer date.

Edith handed the uniform to (F/N). (F/N), in turn, pulled her bag out from where she had stowed it under the desk and pulled out one of her own uniforms. Unfortunately for Haydn, who was going to turn into her, he had very little choice. There were absolutely no Gryffindor girls who were the same height as him. He was still very skinny too, so (F/N) thought her blouse and other articles of clothing would be too big for him in … certain dimensions.

“Let’s change now, to save wasting time when we’ve taken the potion,” he said wisely. “I’ll go over here …”

(F/N) nodded and went into another corner. Edith turned her back to both of them. (F/N) wished she could have just changed her tie, but she knew that if she wore her own uniform when transforming into Nolan her skirt, for one thing, would have looked very strange, given that Nolan’s legs were longer than hers. The last thing she wanted was to be pulled aside by a teacher for having too short a skirt …

As she was changing into Edith’s uniform, she thanked Merlin that she, Edith and Nolan all happened to wear shoes of the same size and style, otherwise she would have been very uncomfortable walking around in Nolan’s shoes when she transformed back. She fastened Edith’s spare tie around her neck, tucking it under her collar, and returned to the group.

Her first thought was that Haydn was extraordinarily brave. That, or he was a secret cross-dresser. There he stood, almost completely unabashed, with his long, pale, slightly hairy legs sticking out from under (F/N)’s too-short (for him) skirt. The cuffs of her blouse ended halfway up his forearms and the chest area was _far_ too baggy but mercifully, as soon as he looked like her, this would no longer be an issue.

(F/N) had also given him a clean pair of tights to wear, but she could see why he hadn’t dared to put those on yet. He’d have pulled them up to his hips and they would have ripped at the ankles, leaving him in what would then have been leggings with odd-looking socks on his feet. They would also swap shoes once they’d swapped appearances. Haydn had been grateful for the fact that the following day was Saturday, so he could hide his school shoes in the classroom and wear his trainers on his way to retrieve them next day.

Even in the poor lighting of the classroom, (F/N) could see that Haydn wasn’t even blushing. She admired his resolve. She, herself, didn’t feel as strange as she thought she would, wearing too-big robes and other assorted articles. She picked up Nolan’s wand from where she had placed it upon the desk and tucked it into ‘her’ robes.

“All right … Now that we’re dressed for the occasion …” said Edith, trying not to laugh at Haydn. “I suppose you’d better add the hair,”

(F/N) grimaced. While she was sure that Nolan used only the _best_ shampoo she could get her hands on she still wasn’t enamoured with the idea of consuming part of her. (F/N) picked up one flask of Polyjuice and handed it to Haydn, before bunching up her own hair and teasing a loose strand from her head. She handed it to him.

“Thanks,” he said, but he didn’t look too thrilled either.

“Hey, chin up. At least you’re not drinking your sworn enemy,” (F/N) chuckled. Haydn grinned.

(F/N) picked up her own flask and the phial containing Nolan’s hair. She flicked the stopper off with her thumb in one fluid motion – which Edith hastened to pick up off the floor – and upended the phial over the potion. She watched as the golden hair was absorbed by the potion and then as it turned a shade of deep, mossy green. Haydn added (F/N)’s hair to his Polyjuice, and the potion turned pale blue.

“At least yours looks like it might taste like sweets,” (F/N) groaned, looking at the green, tar-like sludge in her glass. Then she sighed. “Are you ready?”

Haydn nodded.

(F/N) checked her watch to make sure it was nearly seven o’clock, as previously discussed. The minute hand was nearly spot-on.

“To your good health,” she said in an over-formal voice. Haydn repeated it and they both downed their potions, but (F/N) couldn’t help gagging.

“Don’t you dare throw up,” Edith warned. “I’m _not_ cleaning up after you,”

“There are spells for that, you know …” (F/N) gasped, horrified at the taste in her mouth. It really was hideous; she couldn’t even begin to describe it. Haydn seemed to be having a much better time with his potion, though; he licked his lips and wore a satisfied little smile.

It took a second to register what was happening but (F/N) felt as though her skin was bubbling. Her vision swam for a moment but when everything returned to focus she realised she was a good deal taller than before. She glanced over at Haydn and was surprised to see herself staring back.

“I guess it worked, then,” she said cheerfully. She was surprised again, but this time because Nolan’s voice rang out across the classroom rather than hers. Haydn grabbed the spare pair of tights (F/N) had given him and clumsily jerked them on, followed by the shoes she had just slipped out of. (F/N) now wore Nolan’s, which Edith had swiped from underneath Nolan’s bed as she slept, before being put into the Full Body-Bind.

“Okay folks, remember what we talked about. We’ve only got an hour before the potion wears off, so we need to move quickly,” (F/N) said. “Edith, you’ll be …?”

“At the bottom of the stairs, just out of sight,” Edith replied. “Waiting,” she added with a wink. (F/N) knew what that meant.

“Excellent. Haydn, I’ve got the picture …” (F/N) went on, digging the picture of her family out of her bag. This, too, would remain hidden until (F/N) came to fetch it over the weekend. The only thing different about _this_ picture, though, was that this one was a duplicate. (F/N) needed something that the real Nolan might genuinely use to provoke her, had they really encountered each other. But she wasn’t going to use the real picture – no way. She had spent _weeks_ learning how to use the Doubling Charm sufficiently to create one single replica of the photograph and then reverse the spell before any others could be made by touching it. It had been a difficult task, but one she had been determined to complete.

Haydn nodded again. Now he definitely looked nervous.

“It’ll be okay,” she said with a kindly smile. Haydn returned it as best he could. (F/N) tucked the duplicate photograph into ‘her’ inside robe pocket alongside Nolan’s wand. “Okay, _so_. Haydn. I’ll meet you at the top of the marble staircase, all right?”

“Yep,” said Haydn with a single, vigorous nod. “Then you show me the picture, I’ll pretend to get angry, and point my wand at you,”

(F/N) nodded along with him. “Then we can go from there,” she said. “Oh god, I hope someone reports this…”

Edith smiled again. “I’m sure they will. If we get a move on, plenty of people will see but none of the teachers will be at dinner yet,”

(F/N) took a deep breath and nodded again. It was now or never, and time was ticking away. “Then let’s get out of here …” she said. “Remember, Haydn: Make sure you’re back in Gryffindor Tower by … quarter to eight,” She looked down at her watch to check that they were still on time. “That’ll give you time to change and make it look like you were never with me this evening,”

“And if you get back in time, I could even give you an update as you come in,” he said cheerfully. (F/N) couldn’t help smiling; it was optimistic, but she appreciated that about him.

They hid all of their belongings, including the Polyjuice flasks, in a cupboard right at the back of the room and left, looking in every direction to make sure they weren’t going to be spotted. Edith hurried off in the general direction of the Slytherin common room, to make it look as though she had been on her way to dinner. She would hide somewhere near the bottom of the stairs. Haydn walked calmly in the opposite direction, to make it look like he was coming from Gryffindor Tower. (F/N), on the other hand, adopted Nolan’s arrogant saunter and didn’t stop until she reached the top of the stairs in question.

She waited … and waited. It felt like hours before Haydn arrived. (F/N) just wanted to get this over and done with, but she knew it had to be done properly or else. She glanced over the stone bannister and saw Edith loitering inconspicuously in the shadows.

(F/N) rounded on Haydn as soon as she saw him approaching. “Oh, look who it is!” she sneered. She was pleased to see that this line alone had drawn many pairs of curious eyes. “Come back for seconds, have you?”

Haydn glared at her. (F/N) was a little startled – did she really look like that when she was angry? She was _scary_.

“You know damn well why I’m here,” Haydn spat. “A little birdie told me you have something that belongs to me. Give – it – back. I won’t say it twice,”

(F/N) did her best to mimic Nolan’s trademark cackle. “Oh, you mean _this_. You’re not seriously still lugging it around, are you?”

Haydn’s hand reached into his inside pocket, but he didn’t draw his wand yet, nor did he utter a sound.

(F/N) was pleased to be able to execute this part of the plan so soon, for Nolan’s behaviour had recently become very erratic and more unpredictable than ever. She let the fake photograph loll between her fingers, allowing it to slip sickeningly towards the hard floor.

“You want it back?” she hissed. “Come and get it,”

The picture tumbled towards the floor and the glass in the frame shattered loudly. It landed face-up, as (F/N) had intended, and Haydn made a move to retrieve it. Then, as per the plan, (F/N) whipped out Nolan’s wand and, with a little effort to persuade it to do her bidding, she shouted, “ _Incendio!”_

Several students around them gasped as the photograph ignited. (F/N) felt sick to her stomach to watch it burn, even though it wasn’t the real thing. The metal frame began to melt in the magical flames and the picture ceased to move, shrivelling up and turning black as coal. Soon, it was nothing but a pile of ash upon the floor. (F/N) had to admit, Nolan’s wand had some serious magical kick behind it, whether she liked it or not …

Haydn did a very good job of looking distraught, at first. Then, as if truly incensed, he whipped out his own wand and aimed it straight at (F/N)’s face. She smirked at him as best she could and, just as he was about to incant a spell of his own – in anger – (F/N) beat him to it. “ _Levicorpus!”_ she cried, even though the spell worked non-verbally too, and Haydn was dragged into the air by his ankle.

His skirt fell down to reveal black boxer-shorts under his tights that could quite easily have been black knickers, provided people weren’t looking too closely. (F/N) certainly hoped no one would be looking at ‘her’ pants at all. His / her hair fell straight down towards the floor like a waterfall, but (F/N) wasn’t finished yet.

The next step was to dangle Haydn precariously over the bannister. This they had already discussed in great detail, and this would be where Edith came in. She was the safety net, and that was why she was lurking at the bottom of the stairs, right underneath where Haydn was dangling.

“How’d you like _that,_ Castor?!” ‘Nolan’ shrieked with glee. In reality, (F/N) was growing a little excited because a horrified-looking second-year Hufflepuff had just run off in the direction of the staffroom. Haydn squeaked quite convincingly, because (F/N) knew she wouldn’t have _screamed_ in this situation. She didn’t even scream when Nolan tortured her before. She had made some very angry noises, of course, but she didn’t scream blue bloody murder like others might have.

Then again, _most_ people _would_ have screamed if they were being held in mid-air over a twenty-foot drop, and quite rightly so. But (F/N) was a proud fool sometimes, and Haydn thankfully knew it. Nolan wouldn’t ever get the better of (F/N) Castor. Not in a million years.

A terrifying thought suddenly occurred to (F/N). What if _Dumbledore_ was the one who came running? She would never be able to hide behind Polyjuice Potion with him on the case. She would be so screwed … and she could never forgive herself if Haydn got expelled too …

Those thoughts vanished as quickly as they came, for a moment later she heard Professor McGonagall’s sharp, shrill voice ringing out above the din of student chatter. (F/N) turned to see her head of house rushing along the corridor with the anxious Hufflepuff in tow, skirts hitched up slightly so that she could run. She apologised silently to Haydn, because he knew this would happen at some point, before letting him fall, placing all of her trust and all of Haydn’s safety in Edith.

(F/N) ran like a deer, slaloming between students who had gathered around to watch. There weren’t very many, now that (F/N) looked, but that didn’t matter now. She _had_ to get out of there and hide. She would need to hide very well, because she wouldn’t have put it past McGonagall to send Filch after her. As she ran, she couldn’t help feeling guilty for tricking her head of house, of whom she was very fond. Adrenaline kicked in, and (F/N) pelted along the corridors of Hogwarts until she reached what she knew to be a marker for one of the school’s secret passageways.

Over the weeks she spent planning her revenge on Nolan, she had decided to observe the Marauders, since they seemed to know the castle inside and out … _This_ had been one of their secret routes. She had tested it a few times and knew that it came out on the first floor again, but it would have been far too dangerous to go there at _any_ point in the next hour … at least while she looked like Nolan.

So (F/N) hid in the secret passageway and changed her tie back to her Gryffindor one, which she had stowed safely in another pocket. This would be for when she changed back into her own body … Now, all she had to do was wait. She had told Edith about the secret passageway, so she would wait there for her to come and take Nolan’s wand away from her as soon as she got the chance. It would be very close, but she was sure that if she waited at the end of the passage and slipped the wand to Edith when she came looking, both girls could sneak back to where they needed to be.

She just had to steel her nerve and bide her time …


	26. Chapter 26

Following (F/N)’s flight from the scene, Edith received a lot of praise from Professor McGonagall for her quick response. While she did not know ‘Arresto Momentum’, she did know ‘Spongify’ and, while it was not advisable to use the spell on floors (Madam Pomfrey had had to scrape many students off the ceilings because of this spell), it had actually saved Haydn’s life on this occasion. Upon hitting the floor, he had bounced to safety thanks to Edith’s charm.

“It seems you were in the right place at the right time, Miss Bradshaw,” said Professor McGonagall, trying to maintain her composure. “Twenty points to Slytherin, I think … Now _where_ has that girl gone?! Did anyone see where she went?!” she called to the onlookers at large. Most of them shook their heads, but others pointed in the direction that (F/N) had run off. Considering this most unhelpful, Professor McGonagall shook her head so aggressively she nearly shook her hat clean off her head, and scowled more furiously than anyone had ever seen her scowl before. “Then I will be sure to catch Professor Slughorn before he makes his way to dinner,” she growled, much like an angry cat.

Edith and Haydn dared to glance at each other. Neither smiled, but delight danced behind their eyes. This was _exactly_ what (F/N) had been counting on. That whichever teacher came to Haydn’s rescue would go straight to Nolan’s head of house. And it just so happened that this teacher was (F/N)’s own head of house. The plan couldn’t have gone any better.

Haydn was also doing a very good job of looking shaken up. He probably was, Edith thought, but he even wore a glazed, vacant expression almost befitting a person who had just witnessed a brutal murder.

“Miss Bradshaw,” said Professor McGonagall abruptly, after a mere minute of considering what to do. “Please take Miss Castor to see Madam Pomfrey about some Calming Draught, and then proceed to your common room. Professor Slughorn and I will visit you there, and we can try to locate Miss Nolan,”

“Yes, Professor,” said Edith, immediately putting an arm around ‘(F/N)’ as though to lead her away.

“Miss Castor, if you feel well enough, please proceed to the Gryffindor common room and I will collect you once we have found Miss Nolan,” Professor McGonagall said, much more softly. She looked very sympathetic, and both Haydn and Edith felt immensely guilty for their deception, too.

“Yes, Professor … Thank you,” said Haydn, before allowing Edith to usher him away. The students who were still milling about, trying to ascertain what the hell had just happened, were quickly shooed away by McGonagall.

“Hopefully Madam Pomfrey won’t keep us too long …” Edith whispered.

Haydn was pleased that there was no real urgency for him to return to Gryffindor Tower, except for the expiring Polyjuice Potion. Edith, however, was now under much greater strain and they were both concerned for (F/N). Would she make it back in time, without being caught?

Thankfully, the majority of Hogwarts’ student population was now gathered in the Great Hall for dinner and were therefore much too distracted to notice anything strange going on outside. Edith and Haydn hurried past the door, and carried on and up some stairs until they reached the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey was busy dealing with another student whose Babbling Beverage had blown up in their face earlier on, and was still spouting utter nonsense, most of which was very rude.

“M-Madam Pomfrey …” Edith stuttered, feeling very much as though they were intruding. The matron turned around so quickly it was as though she was standing on a turntable and quickly bustled towards Haydn, clearly concerned by the pallor of his/(F/N)’s face and the almost uncontrollable shaking he was displaying.

“What on earth happened to you, girl?” she asked Haydn, checking him over for bruises and abrasions.

Edith explained, and also pointed out that Haydn/(F/N) was far too shaken to speak very much. Madam Pomfrey merely nodded, looking rather pale herself all of a sudden, and rushed off to fetch some Calming Draught as McGonagall had suggested. The matron tried to have Haydn sit on one of the hospital beds for a while, uncharacteristically inviting Edith to stay with him.

Haydn shook his head and offered Madam Pomfrey what he hoped was a ‘polite’ smile, given his current state. “Thank you, Madam Pomfrey, but … might I be able to take it to my dormitory? A lot of people were staring at me out there and I …”

“She doesn’t want anyone to come in and see her on the ward, either,” Edith finished.

Madam Pomfrey looked uncertainly between Haydn and Edith as though unsure of whether to insist that her new patient stayed put, but her mind was made up for her as the babbling student three beds away started shrieking expletives to the ceiling. With her work cut out for her and, knowing as well as the other members of staff that (F/N) was a capable student, she allowed Haydn to leave.

“Excellent thinking!” Edith praised, as soon as they were out of earshot. “Right, you get yourself back to Gryffindor Tower and I’ll try and find ‘Patty’ …”

Haydn grinned at Edith and watched her go. Then, remembering he was still dressed as (F/N) _and_ borrowing her body he knocked some sense into himself and made a very quick beeline for the tower. He arrived and convinced the Fat Lady to open the way to the common room with a whole twenty minutes to spare. He ran straight to his dormitory and changed into another spare uniform of his, ready for when he turned back into himself. Then he made his way out to the common room, which was completely empty, and tried to distract himself from (F/N)’s potentially dangerous situation by practising some spells. Eventually, sitting before the cosy fire, he became Haydn once again. He had never been so relieved … that is, until (F/N) came rocketing through the portrait hole with vibrant colour in her cheeks.

Haydn’s eyes widened so much he thought they would get stuck like that. “Are you okay?!” he gasped.

“Fine …” (F/N) panted, placing her hands on her knees. “… thanks. Edith … found me,”

Haydn let out a huge sigh, again of relief. “Thank goodness …” he said, never having been one for swearing. “And she’s given back Nolan’s wand?”

“I assume so,” said (F/N). “Listen, I’ve got to get changed – I expect McGonagall would be one of the only two professors in the entire school who would notice that my clothes are too big for me,”

Haydn watched as (F/N) flew up the stairs to the girls’ dormitories. She must have changed in about a minute flat, though, because she was back again in what seemed to be no time at all. She plonked herself down in the other chair beside the fire, opposite Haydn’s. She looked exhausted.

“I’ve never run so much in all my life,” she said, with a forced little chuckle.

“I’ll bet,” Haydn replied, with a quiet laugh that definitely wasn’t as forced as hers. “So you must’ve _literally_ just turned back into yourself when you got here,”

(F/N) nodded slowly. “It was a close call. Edith told me all she could when she swung by the secret passageway to get the wand. She said McGonagall is talking to Slughorn, but if not for your brilliant excuse-making talents Madam Pomfrey would have kept you longer, and Edith wouldn’t have had time to get back and do what she needed to do …”

Haydn blushed under (F/N)’s admiring gaze.

“You know, you’re a lot braver and savvier than you give yourself credit for,” she said. “I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for me,”

“You’ve saved me loads of times,” said Haydn. “It’s about time I returned the favour,”

(F/N) laughed, genuinely this time. “I don’t deserve you,” she said.

“Don’t be silly,” Haydn replied. The friends grinned at each other from across the hearth. “So, what’s Edith doing again?”

“She’ll have gone back and reversed the curse on Nolan,” said (F/N). Haydn knew the part where Edith would wipe Nolan’s memories of the last hour or so. Neither of them had realised it when Edith first became involved in the scheme, but she had already moderately mastered the memory charm, ‘Obliviate’. She could only do partial memory wipes, but that was good because that was all they needed. (F/N) had asked her to teach her sometime.

“With any luck …” (F/N) went on, “Nolan will swagger out of her dormitory as if nothing happened – and of course, to her, nothing _has_ happened – but it’ll make her look even more suspicious. Edith said she’ll be waiting in the common room like McGonagall told her to, but when Nolan comes outside she’ll have a wand pointed at her and she won’t be able to go anywhere,”

Haydn was grinning from ear to ear. Nolan had been terrible to him over the years as well, so he had been very eager to take a slice of the action. “And then McGonagall and Slughorn will come along, she’ll look all surprised – but they won’t be fooled by her, even though they will by us – and whisk her off to Dumbledore!”

(F/N) smiled. “Do you really think that Dumbledore’s office will be the final stop?”

“Definitely,” Haydn replied. “You should’ve seen the look on McGonagall’s face when I fell … She was mortified, _and_ livid. She didn’t even bother to see where you ran off to; she came straight downstairs after me … or you, rather,”

(F/N) was touched, but again felt extremely guilty. She just had to hope she never had reason to tell her head of house the truth … Unless it was decades from then, when it would hardly matter anymore.

She and Haydn sat in silence for several minutes. Haydn wore a steady smile and looked rather pleased with himself; (F/N)’s mood yo-yoed between relative contentment and intense worry. She realised quite quickly that, even when she wasn’t thinking about it directly, thoughts of Edith and her progress were constantly swirling around her head.

It seemed as though hours had passed when the portrait finally opened. (F/N)’s first thought was that it would be another Gryffindor, to make their already very drawn-out wait even more torturous. She was partly right, however – it really was Professor McGonagall. She bustled quickly over to her and seemed to be searching her for further signs of trauma.

“Miss Castor …” she said. It was almost as if Haydn wasn’t sitting there with them. “How are you feeling? Did you visit Madam Pomfrey?”

“Yes, Professor …” said (F/N), in the quietest voice she could manage considering how nervous she was. Thinking about it, she really could have done with a sip of Calming Draught. She was almost shaking in front of Professor McGonagall, a symptom of her anxiety made worse by the fact that she was trying hard not to shake at all.

“Good,” said McGonagall. “Very good. In that case, I would like you to come with me, please,”

She said no more, and (F/N) could tell from her expression – sterner than usual – that she was to follow quickly. (F/N) rose from her chair, staggered accidentally (and convincingly) and scurried after the deputy headmistress.

Once outside, the first thing she saw was Professor Slughorn standing nearby. He had put on rather a lot of weight in the few years he’d been teaching her, to the point of being quite noticeable. His expression softened when he saw (F/N) emerging from Gryffindor Tower behind McGonagall, but it remained rather grim overall. (F/N) felt horrible for deceiving him, too, given the Slug Club meetings she and her friends had attended over the last year.

The next thing (F/N) noticed was that two girls were standing behind Slughorn. One was Edith, and she offered (F/N) a grin that was both reassuring and sufficiently restrained so as not to arouse suspicion. The other girl was Nolan, and she couldn’t have looked angrier if she tried. (F/N) was sure that she suspected something regardless, being possessed of a suspicious mind as she was.

Neither professor said anything and, with Professor McGonagall leading the way, they made their way up through the castle towards Dumbledore’s office. Although she had only been once, (F/N) remembered the way very well. After all, it wasn’t really the sort of thing one could forget. She would have guessed that Nolan hadn’t forgotten either. It suddenly occurred to (F/N) that, walking with the teachers as they were, it seemed as though they were being marched to their ultimate doom.

(F/N) could only hope and pray that the plan had worked, and no one had got wise to what was really going on …

She was so absorbed in panicking that (F/N) didn’t even notice when they were standing next to the gargoyle standing guard next to the stairs to the headmaster’s office. She didn’t even hear Professor McGonagall say the password. The first thing she was aware of was the gargoyle leaping to the side to allow them access and then as they stepped into the great, winding staircase itself, leading upwards to Dumbledore’s beautiful, circular study. The girls, unfortunately, had to squish up because McGonagall hadn’t walked far enough into the stairwell to allow enough room for Slughorn, who was quite clearly struggling to stand with three students rammed in there as well. It was a great relief to finally reach the top, and (F/N) stumbled after Professor McGonagall first. Edith was busy doing a fabulous job of keeping Nolan away.

The five of them stepped into Dumbledore’s office and immediately saw him sitting in his chair at the desk directly ahead. (F/N) couldn’t help glancing around for Fawkes, Dumbledore’s majestic phoenix companion, and was delighted to see him perched behind the door in all his gold and crimson splendour. His ethereal beauty was quite unmatched, she was sure.

(F/N) was dragged back to reality by Dumbledore’s voice, asking to what he owed the pleasure of their visit. (F/N) thought it very strange that he had not gone down for dinner yet – come to think of it, she never saw him walking to the Great Hall anyway – and wondered if, perhaps, he already knew to expect them. It was entirely possible.

Professor McGonagall explained everything, probably so that neither (F/N) nor Edith had to, while Professor Slughorn stood by looking thoroughly disgruntled. _He_ , certainly, would have liked to have been at dinner at that moment. As Professor Dumbledore listened, his expression didn’t change very much but his bright blue eyes, twinkling behind their half-moon spectacles, had a certain fire blazing behind them. (F/N) dared not gaze upon him very long, for she had the distinct impression that Dumbledore would be able to smell a rat as easily as he could cast the Wand-Lighting Charm.

She hadn’t considered it before, but this stage of the plan was likely the most dangerous of all. Convincing Dumbledore that no one had framed Patty Nolan, while she protested her innocence and shouted about how someone definitely _had_ framed her, would be quite a feat indeed. McGonagall continued her explanation with great determination, even over Nolan’s agitated accusations of (F/N)’s duplicity.

(F/N) had a terrible feeling that she and her friends would be facing expulsion alongside Nolan. Or, worse still, Nolan might keep her place at Hogwarts … It was a sickening thought.

When McGonagall finished her report, for want of a better word, and in spite of Nolan’s near-hysterical attempts to be heard above the deputy headmistress, the headmaster sat in complete silence with his great, bearded chin resting on his weathered, old hands. He wore an extremely thoughtful expression and yet, despite this look being rather disarming, (F/N) did her very best to shield her mind. She only hoped that Edith wouldn’t be an open book …

“I see, I see …” Dumbledore mused. “And that is how it happened, Miss Castor and Miss Bradshaw?”

“Yes, sir,” said Edith at once. “It’s as Professor McGonagall said, just as I told it in the Slytherin common room,”

She sounded a little out of breath. (F/N) realised just how nervous she must have been feeling, too.

“Miss Castor?” said Dumbledore, so kindly it could almost be considered suspicious. He was smiling gently at her.

(F/N) did dare to look him in the eyes, then. If this was the end, so be it. She at least had to _try_ to rid the school of a leech like Nolan, so even if it didn’t work and she was expelled instead for her role in all this at least she could say she tried. (F/N) had no idea where this sudden attitude came from, but she had realised, in the split second that Dumbledore had addressed her directly, that she would be very foolish to think he would fall for a trick devised by a teenage girl.

Still, she had to maintain her ruse, for the sake of her friends if nothing else. “Yes, sir,” she said quietly, as though still very shaken from being dropped over the stairs.

Professor Dumbledore nodded and smiled a little wider. Why? (F/N) was curious as to why he was smiling so much when she was quite sure he had her all figured out.

“Very well,” he said, sitting up straight in his chair. “I believe our path forward is very clear …”

(F/N) froze where she stood. The moment of truth was upon them …

“But they’re _liars_ , Professor! I’ve been _framed,_ I’m telling you!” Nolan shrieked. Dumbledore had to raise a hand to silence her.

“Just as Miss Timms tricked you, yes?” said the headmaster coolly. (F/N) couldn’t understand it – yes, Helena Timms had participated in much of (F/N)’s torment over the years and particularly during the Veritaserum incident, but Dumbledore obviously knew there was deception afoot this evening and yet he seemed to be accusing Nolan of serious bullying … and having a peer unfairly expelled.

(F/N) knew that her headmaster was very wise, very clever, and very powerful. His power was not limited to his superior mental ability or magical capabilities – he also held a great deal of sway over the magical population’s political affairs, so it would be no effort at all on his part to have a mere student appear before the Wizengamot for perverting the course of justice …

(F/N) was overthinking again; Dumbledore wouldn’t do that. Petty bullying – or, indeed, conspiring to have a fellow student expelled – would not be of interest to the likes of the wizarding community’s high court of law. They would simply snap their wands there at Hogwarts and send them on their way, surely …

“Miss Castor, Miss Bradshaw …” said Dumbledore very calmly. “Why don’t you head down to the Great Hall for some dinner before everything is cleared away?”

The girls were very surprised by the suggestion. It was quite clear why Dumbledore was making it, though. He didn’t want them in the room while he and the two heads of house dealt with Nolan. They bowed their heads slightly to Dumbledore before turning on their heels and swiftly leaving his office. Neither of them spoke until they had descended the next three floors.

“Oh my gosh, _I think it worked!_ ” Edith squealed, flinging an arm around (F/N) as they walked.

(F/N) could only nod mirthlessly and sigh.

“What’s the matter?” asked Edith suddenly. “I thought you’d be happier …”

“I think Dumbledore knows,” said (F/N). She felt sick to her stomach. Would Dumbledore send for her later, and tell her to pack her bags? Would he take her lovely applewood wand with its beautiful runes, and snap it before her very eyes?

“What?” said Edith with a very confused look on her face. “How could he possibly …?”

“I just … get that impression from him. He just _knows_ things,” (F/N) replied. They turned a corner and were nearly slammed into by two second-year Ravenclaws, who were walking a bit too quickly and not looking where they were going.

“But if he knew then he would have punished us there and then,” said Edith. “And, if what you say is true and he ‘just knows things’, then surely he would know why you did it? _And_ he would’ve punished Nolan for what she did to you. You’ve done this school a favour,”

“But there are still people like Potter and Black roaming around, making certain people’s lives hell,” said (F/N) reasonably. “What difference will it make if someone like Patty Nolan is here or not?”

Edith gave her friend a reassuring smile. “It makes all the difference in the world to the people who suffer because of her,” said Edith. “If you can’t save the world, save a few,”

(F/N) looked at her in astonishment. Did she really think that? (F/N) could feel tears pricking in her eyes. Edith smiled.

“Besides, that thing she did to you was reprehensible. She’s been bullying you solidly for four years, and you finally snapped under what can only be defined as torture,” said Edith. “No one could blame you,”

“But I’ve ruined her career all for a bit of revenge,”

Again, Edith smiled. “You may have been a hatstall, (F/N) Castor, but you’ve got that Gryffindor chivalry almost like a fever,” she said kindly. “Courteously thinking of the consequences of the single bad thing you’ve done by someone who would probably use the Cruciatus Curse on you if no one was looking,”

(F/N) fell silent. She supposed Edith was right. But that didn’t change the fact that Dumbledore might still like to expel her for devising and participating in such a conniving act of vengeance.

The girls did not go to the Great Hall; after all of the evening’s excitement, and the nerves that had knotted themselves into tight balls in their stomachs, they were no longer hungry, if they ever had been. As they had been walking in the direction of nothing in particular, the girls found that they were now closer to the Slytherin common room than that of Gryffindor, so (F/N) escorted Edith to hers, bade her goodnight and the most enormous thank-you she could muster – she promised her that, if she ever needed her for anything at all, she would be there – and made the journey back to Gryffindor Tower alone.

It crossed (F/N)’s mind to go out to the forest to see Aeolus, to bask in his soothing presence, but it probably wasn’t the time for that. By that time, Lily was bound to have heard about what happened and she would be climbing the walls in her anxiety if (F/N) didn’t return at a sensible hour. Therefore, she approached the Fat Lady’s portrait, gave the new password (it changed after Easter) and made her way into the common room.

Sitting with their backs to her, Julie, Cathy and Evelyn were chatting about homework and their summer holiday plans and boys and all manner of other things. (F/N) was grateful for their being distracted because she hardly wanted to have to explain to them what had happened before she managed to tell Lily the whole truth. She glanced around the room for Haydn but he was nowhere to be seen. She darted up the staircase as soon as she reached it, determined not to be spotted by anyone else she knew. There were plenty of other Gryffindors sitting around but none of them paid her the slightest bit of attention which, in her opinion, was excellent.

(F/N) cleared the dormitory floor in a couple of bounds, reaching her bed before she even realised that Lily wasn’t there. She was still not hungry, so she changed into her pyjamas early and brushed out her hair. All she had to do was not fall asleep before her best friend arrived or she would be very cross indeed … or just wake her up – (F/N) wasn’t sure which. Maybe both.

Probably both.

So she sat in bed reading _Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them_ for the twenty-fifth time until she heard footsteps hurtling up the tower towards her. She was not at all surprised when the door banged open and Lily stood there in the doorway, dark red hair framing her head like some wild mane of fire and her green eyes flashing alarmingly.

“Where have you been?!” she cried, bombing across the dormitory and leaping onto (F/N)’s bed. She pushed (F/N)’s book out of her hands before she had a chance to mark her page, and flung her arms around her neck in a hug that had about the same amount of crushing force as a python going for the kill. “I’ve been so worried about you!”

“Hey, I’m … fine …” (F/N) wheezed, patting Lily’s shoulder in return. “… Lil … you’re … _strangling_ …!”

“Oh! Sorry!” Lily gasped, instantly letting go. She allowed (F/N) to get her breath back before starting again with as much intensity as before. “I heard what Nolan did …! I’m so sorry we weren’t there … Dropping you like that … It’s so lucky Edith was there … Are you okay?! You’re not hurt, are you? How _are_ you feeling, anyway?”

(F/N) gazed at Lily with adoration. She really did have the best of best friends. Sure, she could talk at a hundred miles per hour but she understood her perfectly, and her concern was the sweetest thing. Her only regret was that she now had to shatter the illusion and reveal what really happened that evening …

(F/N) started very gently, explaining to Lily that things weren’t at all what they seemed. Just as Lily asked what she meant, Julie came running upstairs and put her head around the door, which still stood ajar. Both girls looked up.

“Blythe’s downstairs, (F/N); he wants to talk to you,” she panted. “He’s got, like, _the_ best news!”

She was gone as quickly as she arrived. Lily and (F/N) looked at each other, shrugged, then got up to go and see what Haydn wanted. (F/N) already knew. She only hoped he wouldn’t have a second message for her: to return to Dumbledore’s office.

Haydn stood at the bottom of the stairs, hopping about as though desperate for the loo. When he saw (F/N) and Lily, his grin took up almost the entire width of his face and he beckoned them over to an unoccupied corner of the common room. There were many more students there, and (F/N) realised a good deal of time must have passed since she came in. Tonight’s dinner had been a late one, she thought, but she was suddenly aware of how she was the only one in her pyjamas.

“What’s up?” said Lily eagerly.

Haydn glanced from Lily to (F/N) and back again. “Have you heard …?” he began, but Lily cut him off.

“About what Nolan did to (F/N)? _Yeah,_ I heard,” Lily growled.

Haydn returned his gaze to (F/N). “I’m guessing I caught you at a … slightly inconvenient time?”

(F/N) grinned. “I was getting there, but you go on. Please, tell us your ‘news’,”

Haydn smirked, the first time he had actually been confident enough to do so. He looked Lily right in the eyes, determined to fully register her response, whatever that may have been, and said, “Patty Nolan’s been expelled,”

“ _What?!”_ Lily choked. Her green eyes were so wide all of a sudden that they looked like they could have popped right out and rolled across the carpet. “What do you mean …?!”

“I think most of the school will know about it by now, even though it’s only just happened …” said Haydn, locking eyes with (F/N). His gaze held such warmth for her that she instantly felt safe again.

“Why’s that?” asked (F/N). She was genuinely curious.

“Apparently she went storming back to the Slytherin dormitories from Dumbledore’s office, screaming at the top of her lungs about how unjust it all was and how she would have _her_ revenge, and how she would make us all pay … Dunno how she’ll do that without a wand, but here we are,”

(F/N) smiled. Nolan had actually _screamed_ about it in the corridors. She tried to suppress a laugh, lest she arouse Lily’s suspicions prematurely. She was too late for that.

“Wait, wait … I have a lot of questions now,” said Lily, holding up a hand as though asking permission to speak. Both Haydn and (F/N) looked at her. “What do you mean ‘her’ revenge? She said she’d get her own. You put a _lot_ of emphasis on ‘ _her’_ ,”

Lily turned to (F/N) and looked deep into her eyes, as though searching her soul. “You were plotting revenge on her yourself, weren’t you?” she said. It was more of a statement than a question.

(F/N) gave a non-committal shrug in response. She knew when she was beat, but she wanted Lily to ask those burning questions of hers before (F/N) leapt straight into an explanation, as she had been about to before Haydn called.

“Okay …” Lily went on, clearly forcing herself to be calm. “… So my second question is: Why are you so … unflustered about all of this?”

(F/N) shrugged again and said, “She’s been doing my head in for years. About time this happened to her …”

“I know, and I agree with you, but I thought you might be a little more surprised,” said Lily, eyes slightly narrowed. “I mean, I know she dangled you over a bannister, but …”

“No, Lil, she didn’t,” said (F/N) at last.

“Then what _did_ happen?”

“As I said to Haydn, I was getting to that,” said (F/N). It definitely sounded as though she was stalling for time. She wore a smile that was neither particularly pleased-with-herself or ashamed. “Well to start with, you’re right to be suspicious, as I can tell you are. I didn’t react very much to the ‘news’ because I already knew what was coming,”

“And I’m guessing you didn’t just _deduce_ what was going to happen because of what she ‘did’,” said Lily, in an almost poisonous hiss.

“No,” said (F/N). “We framed her,”

There was no other way to say it, so she blurted it just like that. Lily stared at her for a few moments, unblinking. Then, finally, she demanded an explanation. (F/N) told her everything, from the scheme’s humble beginnings to its daring and dangerous execution. Thankfully, the other students in the common room were too interested in their own conversations to pay any mind to theirs.

When (F/N) had finished, Haydn looked slightly nervous and Lily remained very quiet and still. After what seemed like months, she stood up and said, “Can you come with me a moment, (F/N)?”

She sounded just like a mother taking her child aside for a good telling-off.

(F/N) followed, leaving Haydn to his own devices. They would catch up later. For now, (F/N) had to deal with a very angry-looking Lily. They reached their dormitory again and, seeing that no one else was there, shut the door. Lily made her way to her bed but, before she reached it, she turned sharply on her heels and shouted, “What the _hell_ made you do it?!”

(F/N) was very taken aback. She couldn’t understand Lily’s question, because the answer seemed so obvious. Did she really need to remind Lily, her best friend and one of the witnesses to Nolan’s bullying, of the scars that now branched across her body?

Lily seemed to remember suddenly, and ran her hands through her long, dark red hair. She looked very upset, but not as angry as she had been. When her hair fell back into place it was rather dishevelled and stuck up at odd angles.

“… _You_ could have been expelled,” she said quietly.

“There’s still a good chance I will be,” said (F/N) honestly. Lily looked at her with watery eyes and (F/N) sighed. “Look, nothing gets past Dumbledore, but Edith quite rightly said that he would have dealt with me there and then if he felt the need,”

Lily could only stare at her in disbelief. A few deplorably slow minutes passed, with (F/N) standing in the middle of the room and Lily pacing up and down between her bed and her best friend. When she turned back to (F/N), she could tell that she had a new bone to pick.

“So you were obviously very sure this would work,” she bit. “But why didn’t you speak to me and Sev about it first?”

“Because I didn’t want to get you into trouble,”

“But Haydn and Edith were fair game?”

“Lily, they _insisted._ I was going to do the whole thing myself, originally,” (F/N) told her honestly. “The number of times they asked if I wanted one of them to pretend to be Nolan, I couldn’t tell you. Each time I refused, because that was the most dangerous role to play,”

Lily gave a forced, cross little laugh. “ _I_ would have helped you,” she said angrily.

(F/N) couldn’t help but smile sadly at her. “You would have wanted to, but you wouldn’t have actually done it, Lil. You and I both know that,”

“Says who?!”

“Look at how you’re reacting now. Is it because you’re upset I didn’t tell you about the plan? Or is it because I broke about a million school rules and got someone expelled for something they didn’t do?”

Lily stared at her again. “You’ve hit the nail on the head … You said it yourself – you got her expelled for something she didn’t do! Why does the severity of that seem not to affect you?”

“It _does_ affect me,” (F/N) said. It was true – she did feel _slightly_ guilty. “But with everything she’s done to me, to you, to plenty of other people in the school … She needed to go,”

Lily had her hands on her hips and was staring at her feet, breathing hard through her nose. Another few minutes passed. “You really don’t think I would’ve helped you?” Lily asked in a small, hurt voice.

(F/N)’s face crumpled for a moment and she moved to hug Lily. She was pleased that she let her. “Of course I know you would have _helped,_ ” she said into her hair. “But you wouldn’t have wanted to be in the thick of it. That just isn’t you,”

Lily’s back was shaking uncontrollably. (F/N) backed away slightly and saw that she was crying.

“Whoa, Lil … What’s wrong?”

“It’s not _you_ either!” she wept. “It’s not you,” she repeated. “I said to Sev a while ago that you’ve had this look in your eye for ages, and you’ve just been so … so …”

“Dark? Grim?”

“Exactly!” Lily sniffled. “You’re not my (F/N) at the moment,”

(F/N) smiled at her best friend. “Lil, I can promise you this: I haven’t changed a bit,”

“How can you say that?”

(F/N) chuckled, which seemed to startle Lily. “I’m the same as I always was. You’ve just never seen me _really angry_ ,”

Yet again, Lily just stared. Her eyes met with (F/N)’s equally striking (E/C) ones and something in them, she noticed, was different again. She _was_ the same person … just slightly more experienced. An unrestrained laugh that sounded more like a happy little hiccough escaped Lily’s body and she grinned at her best friend.

“If this is you being ‘really angry’, I’d hate to see you in a murderous rage,” she teased.

(F/N) laughed along with her. “So am I forgiven?”

Lily grabbed (F/N)’s hand and squeezed it tight. “As long as you’re not expelled, and _try_ not to do anything so dangerous again … then yes, you’re forgiven,”

(F/N)’s smile stretched from ear to ear. “And what are your _actual_ thoughts on Nolan’s expulsion?”

Lily beamed right back, having forgotten all of her anger. She knew (F/N) hadn’t excluded her and Severus on purpose; she had been protecting them all along.

“I think it’s bloody brilliant!”


	27. Chapter 27

It didn’t take long for Lily to come around to the idea of no longer having to deal with Nolan every day. She even seemed to let the subject drop when it came to ‘minor details’ like the breaking of school rules, the deception of teachers (if at all) and the potential for (F/N), Haydn and Edith to be expelled themselves.

The day after (F/N) exacted her revenge she and Lily had met Severus in Hogsmeade for butterbeers, because that weekend had been designated for Hogsmeade visits. (F/N) wondered if her plan might have gone differently if she had arranged to set Nolan up away from the castle. Would it have worked better? Worse? Failed entirely?

Severus’ face, when he was told what really happened, was priceless and made (F/N) want to do it all over again just so she could see his expression turn from one of complete neutrality to utter shock and disbelief and then, after about the same amount of persuasion as Lily had required, to what could _almost_ be admiration. (F/N) couldn’t help thinking that, despite Severus’ usual sternness and reluctance to have anything to do with rule-breaking (save that one time in their first year), he had been a lot easier to bring around than Lily.

Severus had cast a spell of his own invention over their table so they could talk without anyone overhearing. Both (F/N) and Lily had been very impressed. (F/N) was even more impressed when she heard what Severus had to say next.

“You must have balls of steel,” he told her, taking a nonchalant sip of butterbeer. His shoulder-length black hair framed his pale face and somehow made his dark eyes stand out more starkly than ever. The way he watched her over the rim of his glass made her insides squirm. His comment had been so unexpected, and so unlike him (he wasn’t much for compliments, usually, and he certainly didn’t use language like that) that (F/N) thought she must have been imagining things.

“Don’t be silly, I’m just tenacious to a fault,” she said with a smirk. “If I were a dog, this would be the bone I never let go,”

Severus smirked back at her from across the table; Lily had insisted on sitting next to (F/N), so it was just him on that side. “Well, you did say on the train that you would repay her for anything she did to you,”

(F/N) blushed. “I thought you might have heard that,”

Severus’ smirk remained in place even when he looked away. His gaze settled on Haydn, who had just entered The Three Broomsticks with Cyril Partridge of Hufflepuff and Crispin Law of Ravenclaw. Crispin’s twin sister, Tabitha, had just waved them over to her table, where she sat with Yalina Khan. (F/N) smiled; Haydn’s vision from months before had come true, and so had hers. Without him, and without Edith, she wouldn’t have accomplished what she had, and she owed them a great deal for putting themselves in harm’s way.

Lily leaned over and whispered, “You’ve got a proper little following behind you. You know that, don’t you?”

(F/N) turned to her in surprise. “No, that’s … That’s not what it is at all,”

“You’ve got at least four people who would do anything for you,” Lily said with a grin. “Two of them are sitting at this table, and the other two are the ones who helped you pull off that crazy stunt last night,”

(F/N) smiled. “But you’re my friends, not my ‘followers’,” she replied, and quite rightly so. “I would do anything – absolutely _anything_ – for you,”

Lily’s smile was radiant as she nudged (F/N) affectionately and linked arms with her, even though there was barely enough room at the table to do so. “I still think people would follow you to hell and back, though,”

(F/N) didn’t know how to respond to that. She was flattered that anyone would think that, let alone someone so close to her, but a dark thought flitted across her mind for a fraction of a second … Wasn’t that exactly what Lord Voldemort was doing with his Death Eaters? They were his followers …

That thought solidified (F/N)’s stance on what had only been a simple compliment: she was no one’s leader, and she had no ‘followers’ – only good friends.

(F/N) hadn’t realised she was staring into space or, rather, straight at Severus, so when she drifted back to reality she got quite a start. He was staring right back – of course he was – and the heat rising in her cheeks only intensified when she spotted the small, blink-and-you-miss-it quirk of his lips as he tried not to smile fully. The fact remained, though, that it _had_ been a smile.

Later that evening, (F/N) and Lily were lounging in the Gryffindor common room talking about everything and nothing in particular. They never once realised the time, so by the time (F/N) finally checked her watch she found it was already a quarter to midnight. Hardly anyone else was up with them.

During their chats Lily mentioned Severus a couple of times, but (F/N) found herself feeling quite impressed with her own ability to maintain a neutral expression whenever his name came up. Of course, had he actually been there with them it might have been a different story but, given the fact that Lily never asked her about her crush, (F/N) could only assume that her friend was none the wiser.

Their conversation was cut somewhat short by a great pandemonium erupting on the other side of the room. The girls looked up but were surprised to find that the racket was caused by only four people: the Marauders. They were apparently ecstatic, still, that Nolan had been expelled from Hogwarts and the jubilant spring in their strides was proof of that, as was all the noise.

No sooner had they clocked (F/N) and Lily, however, than they had sauntered over and made themselves quite at home on or around the armchairs the girls were sitting in. (F/N) sighed quite loudly as Black perched himself on the arm of hers, while Potter leaned on the back of Lily’s. Instead of turning to glare at him, she made her displeasure quite clear to (F/N) by flashing her incredulous green eyes at her.

“To what do we owe the pleasure?” (F/N) said, voice dripping with sarcasm as she looked up at Black. He looked down at her with an expression she thought very odd; it was quite unlike anything she had seen on him before.

Looking around to make sure the common room was clear (the last of those who remained awake had scuttled off when they heard the Marauders coming) Black said, “We just wanted to know what happened between you and Nolan,”

(F/N) frowned at him. “I think you’ve probably already heard,” she said.

Black shrugged as if to say he had but wasn’t satisfied with the version he’d been told. “We wanted to hear it from you,”

“Why?”

“The story’s always better when it’s told by someone who was there,”

(F/N)’s frown quickly became a glare. “And why do you care?”

Black rolled his eyes. “Nolan’s been a pain in the arse for _everyone_ these last few years. We wanted to hear about how you took her down,”

(F/N) peered closely at Black’s face and noticed the devilish twinkle in his stormy grey eyes. It dawned on her very quickly that he knew more than he was letting on, but she decided to call him out. “Why do you need me to retell the story when you’ve already drawn your own conclusions?” It was the same question she asked a minute ago but rephrased to suggest that he and his friends already suspected the truth. Black knew this and looked at Potter with a smirk. Potter winked.

“You’re very clever, Castor,” said Black, in a slightly oily voice. “You could see through anyone. Okay, so we know you had more to do with getting Nolan expelled than might be obvious to anyone else. What we _really_ wanted to know was what made you decide to break all those rules all of a sudden? You’re normally _such_ a _good_ girl …”

(F/N) wasn’t sure she liked the thought of everyone thinking of her as a ‘good girl’ because a lot of the things she’d done recently definitely refuted that. Still, she maintained eye contact with Black and replied, “I’ve been plotting revenge since she embarrassed me in front of all those people,”

Black’s eyes widened momentarily. Pettigrew gave an excited little squeak and Lupin glanced at him with an expression that told him to calm down. Potter smirked and wandered around Lily’s armchair to plonk himself down on the carpet in front of the fire. He stared up at (F/N) as if it was story-time for five-year-olds.

“So you’re a bit more of a rebel than you let on …” Black crooned with interest. “I bet _you_ didn’t approve,” he added, looking straight at Lily, who scowled. Neither she nor (F/N) said anything in response.

“Well, I can’t say any of us felt bad when we heard that Nolan had been kicked out,” said Potter. “Like Sirius said, she’s been a pain in everyone’s arse,”

“And, after what she did to you, Castor, we can’t exactly blame you for wanting to hurt her back,” said Black. “Speaking of which …”

(F/N)’s stomach screwed itself into a very tight knot. She knew what was coming.

“… What gave her the idea to ask you all those questions?” he asked, feigning genuine curiosity. “ _Especially_ the last one. She couldn’t have suspected, could she? I mean, no one would _ever_ have guessed that you, of all people, would fancy _Snivelly_ ,”

“Yeah, you’ve obviously got a brilliant mind, so what the hell is wrong with you that you fancy _him_?!” Potter laughed.

(F/N) wasn’t having this conversation with them. “That’s none of your business,” she said and made to stand. Black gently pushed her back by the shoulder and the glare she pierced him with was so hot he nearly recoiled from her.

“Oh, I think you’ll want to answer our questions …” Black sneered. “… Or we might just tell McGonagall about what you did to Nolan …”

(F/N) couldn’t help the hoot of laughter that escaped her. “ _Really,_ Black. That’s such a feeble threat,” she said. He raised an eyebrow as though to convince her that he really would tattle but she snorted again. “You never meant for them to find out about the forest, that time,” she went on, shooting Pettigrew with a look of dire warning. “And I still never dropped _you_ three in trouble for being out there as well,”

Black sniggered, although he sounded slightly unnerved. He knew perfectly well that she was right, and he hadn’t forgotten the good turn she’d done him, Potter and Lupin – even if Pettigrew _had_ been in trouble afterwards, but that was because of Nolan. Black decided it was time to change tack, and circle back to the original question.

“Okay, okay …” he said, holding his hands up and wearing a sickeningly sweet smile. “We’re just trying to chat with you … _and_ work out where the other guys in our year have all gone so – terribly – _wrong_ ,” he simpered. “I mean, what’s he got that I haven’t, for example?”

(F/N) paused before replying this time, but couldn’t stop the smirk that appeared on her lips. She looked at Lily and saw that she wore an expression that was almost identical to how she felt. “So _that’s_ what this is all about …”

Potter had been pursuing Lily for quite some time now, and it seemed that no matter how many times she rejected him he always seemed to find the energy to come back and pester her further. She had always thought Lily very patient, considering how often he nagged her to go out with him. But now, she thought, there was another layer to the Marauders, and she planned to use that against them, if only for one evening.

“Are you _jealous,_ Black?” (F/N) asked with a smirk.

“No, I’m just wondering why you’d …”

“I know what you were ‘wondering’,” she cut in, standing up very promptly so he couldn’t push her back again. “And I think it’s very strange that you would use yourself as an example. Makes it look like you think everyone should fancy you. Then again, I think you really _do_ think everyone should fancy you, so I guess I’m not surprised you asked,”

“Oh, come on,” said Potter, rising into a kneeling position. “Imagine: you and Sirius, me and Evans …”

“I will _not_ go out with you. Ever,” Lily said adamantly. She stood too and hurried over to grab (F/N)’s wrist. “Come on …” she whispered and tried to pull her towards the dormitories.

“Okay,” said (F/N), smiling at Lily. “This got boring about five minutes ago anyway. Just out of interest, though, I thought you said to Lily that giving me a get-well card didn’t mean we were friendly?”

Black was standing as well, and his arms were folded tightly across his chest. “We’re not,” he said. “We’re just trying to find out what’s wrong with normal boys …”

“So you keep saying,” (F/N) said, brushing him off. “And _I_ just think it’s funny that you think I ought to fancy you,”

“I _don’t_ think that. I wouldn’t want you to, not if Snivelly’s your type,”

“Stop calling him that. He’s our friend, and I’ll thank you not to insult him in front of us,” (F/N) growled. She let it slide once, but she wouldn’t allow him to call Severus that a second time. The Marauders had almost – _almost_ – learned their lesson in not doing anything involving Severus in front of her, but apparently they were feeling brave.

“Aw, listen to her sticking up for him …” Black teased. He reached out to pinch her cheek, but she slapped him away – hard.

“Shut your face,”

“Oooh …!” went Potter, Black and Pettigrew. Lupin stood by, as he so often did, looking thoroughly uncomfortable. (F/N) did think, though, that he looked somehow different.

(F/N) stopped and smirked again, before turning on her heels and marching off towards the staircase leading to the girls’ dormitories. She stopped again with her foot on the first step and said, over her shoulder, “That’s the reaction of a boy with a bruised ego,” She heard Lily laughing just around the corner, further on up. “Shame you’re so arrogant … You might be passable, otherwise,”

And with that, she left. She wasn’t sure whether to actually believe that Sirius Black was interested in her, but she thought she should have seen that conversation coming. Seeing as how they hated Severus and he hated them with just as much enthusiasm, she wasn’t surprised that the friends of the boy who fancied _her_ best friend felt a bit put-out by the revelation that she liked their sworn enemy, and her other best friend.

As she ascended the staircase, she listened to the silly boys sniggering and joking as they usually did, and occasionally shouting something so that she would hear before she got to her room; she definitely heard something about Severus having slipped her a love potion (again), but she resisted the terrible urge to go back and punch the first Marauder within swinging distance.

Upon reaching the dormitory she saw that the other girls were already asleep, but Lily was sitting on her bed waiting for her to come in. (F/N) gave her a weary smile and sat down on the edge of her own bed, facing her.

“What the hell was that all about, then?” she sighed. Lily shrugged her shoulders.

“You know …” she said, at length. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Black does like you. Potter won’t leave me alone, so what would it be for his best friend to go after mine?”

(F/N) shuddered. Her opinion of Black was much the same as Lily’s opinion of Potter. Both were arrogant to the point of being a little repugnant, even though they were both good-looking boys. Both were clever, despite being far too relaxed in lessons and horsing around most of the time. (F/N) didn’t feel the need to justify her crush to herself anymore, or to anyone else, because she had long since come to terms with the fact that Severus possessed traits that she found more attractive than what she saw in someone like Black.

She hadn’t realised that the tail-end of her conversation with Black had had such an impact on Lily, however.

“I heard you say, when I was on the stairs, that Sev is our friend and you wouldn’t hear of him being insulted,” she said curiously. “Does that mean you only see him as a friend now?”

(F/N) gazed at her with a very odd expression. Her eyes glittered in the dim lighting, the source of which was the nearly-full moon outside. “What makes you ask?” she said, in a very evasive fashion. Lily noticed.

“Can’t you give me a straight answer?” she said, although not angrily. “I’m asking because I think it’s cute that you like him. I’ve told you that _loads_ of times. So, do you still like him or not?” she chuckled quietly.

(F/N) gave an awkward little chuckle of her own and shrugged. She started fiddling with her bedclothes, tweaking the pillows in preparation for lying on them. She avoided Lily’s eyes from then on but did manage to say, “Maybe …”

Lily grinned. “I guess I’ll have to come to my own conclusions, then,” she said, standing up and preparing her own bed. “You know, I still think it’s sweet. I thought that when you went off the rails, plotting revenge, you stopped liking him …”

(F/N) smiled and gave a little sigh. “No, I just had to put it out of my mind. I know he doesn’t see me that way,”

(F/N) heard Lily give a girly little giggle. “Give him time. No one knows what goes on in that head of his. For all we know, he very well might,”

That sentence rolled around in (F/N)’s head for a good, long while that night. She lay there, staring at the ceiling, listening to the deep breathing of the other girls sleeping around her and wondering if what Lily said might be true. Her heart betrayed her, giving a cheerful little skip at the thought of its affections being returned but her mind soon gave it a swift telling-off; getting her hopes up would be a very bad thing, and so she decided – moments before falling asleep herself – that she would bury her feelings again as best she could.

At least that way she could avoid making any more of a fool of herself …

***

The summer holidays seemed anxious to start because they were upon Hogwarts again in no time at all. (F/N) was relieved to have not been approached by any of the teachers with regards to her involvement in getting Nolan expelled, so she couldn’t help but wonder whether she might have dodged a very large bullet. She was still certain that Dumbledore knew exactly what had happened, but she could not fathom why, then, she was still a student at his school.

All she _did_ know was that she was incredibly grateful to be allowed to stay, and that nothing had been mentioned.

Black, Potter and the others seemed to have kept quiet about the whole affair, too. They hadn’t stopped bullying Severus; (F/N) suspected they were the ones behind her friend’s visit to the hospital wing in the penultimate week of term, but neither she or Lily could prove anything, and Severus wouldn’t say why he’d had to go there so they didn’t push him. (F/N) couldn’t help thinking the Marauders were at least a little wary of what she and Lily might do to them in retaliation, so they never went after Severus in front of the girls.

Not that he couldn’t defend himself, because he most certainly did have fight in him. They would just catch him unawares.

(F/N) spent her last evening of her fourth year in the forest with Aeolus, Lily and Hagrid, tending to the hippogriff – who had grown a great deal over the year – before placing the Disillusionment Charm on him again, ready to follow her home. Lily was buzzing, because she had received a letter from her parents the week before saying they’d booked a last-minute holiday to Cornwall.

“I don’t think it’s very far from where you live, the place we’re staying!” she’d said to (F/N) on the morning the letter arrived. Lily was dancing in her seat so much that she nearly knocked her cornflakes across the table.

(F/N) laughed. “I bet it’s far enough,” she said. “I live, quite literally, in the middle of nowhere,”

That didn’t deter Lily, nor had (F/N) intended it to. “Can we come and visit?” she asked eagerly. “When I listen to all your stories about home I just can’t help thinking how beautiful it sounds,”

(F/N) grinned at her. “I’ll ask my aunt,” she said. “I’d love to see you and meet your family; it’s a bit of a trek to the village but there’s a nice little pub with a café next door that does ice-creams and afternoon tea. Or, failing that, we can come and visit you for the day!”

Lily’s eyes lit up. Apparently (F/N) was only fuelling her already-colourful visions of what Spindlewood Common was like.

(F/N) thought back to that breakfast very fondly as she watched her best friend patting Aeolus’ shiny black body. She would be able to take Lily to see him, too, if her parents allowed it. And Lily could meet Eddie if he was about (and he was sure to be, being the sort of person who liked to know what was going on at any given moment).

Needless to say, (F/N) was very excited at the prospect of having another witch to talk to over the summer. She hadn’t realised it before, but if she didn’t receive any letters from her school-friends, or go to look after Aeolus, she would have had some very distinctly non-magical summers over the years, given she wasn’t allowed to do magic outside of school.

Auntie Beth had written back very promptly saying she was happy for Lily and her family to come along whenever they liked, which (F/N) thought was very generous of her. Still, though, when at last the time came for them to leave Hogwarts and eventually say goodbye at King’s Cross, (F/N) hugged Lily and told her she would send Cicero along with a note that she could reply to whenever she and her family were thinking of coming.

Severus was standing nearby as she and Lily discussed the finer details of their plans to meet over the summer and, when the girls turned to say goodbye-for-now, (F/N) couldn’t help feeling very sorry for him. She knew that he and Lily lived nearby, so they probably spent a lot of the summer together. She had no idea what sort of things he would get up to over the holidays without her … Not that Lily going away for the summer was a big shock, because she’d been away for the last two summers now.

But the difference was that she and Lily would now be spending some of their summers together. Did Severus have other friends in their town, she wondered? She had no idea, because he had never told her about his home life, and she hadn’t asked because she didn’t like to pry. His reticence when it came to his home and family was a very good indicator of not wanting to talk about those things.

“Well … See you later,” he said, glancing around suddenly and spotting his mother. She hadn’t changed a bit, (F/N) thought, since she had first seen her in Diagon Alley a few years earlier. She looked no older or more tired, nor any happier or brighter. She was a very neutral-looking woman, and she kept her distance while she waited for her son.

“See you, Sev!” the girls – accidentally – said in unison, watching him leave.

“Will he be all right?” (F/N) asked without thinking. Lily looked at her very strangely, as though she had just sprouted an extra head.

“Of course … What made you ask that?”

“He just looked as though he’d been abandoned …” (F/N) said quietly. “You know, like when you leave a dog on its own and it just looks at you as if to say, ‘You’re leaving me?’”

(F/N) knew it was an odd way of describing Severus’ expression, but Lily laughed. “You are funny, (F/N) Castor,” she chuckled. “But yes, I’m sure he’ll be fine,”

(F/N) hoped Lily was right, because she couldn’t stop thinking about it all the way home. Auntie Beth asked her a few times what the matter was, but she couldn’t quite bring herself to explain the ins and outs of why she thought Severus looked as though he’d been betrayed, somehow. She was quite sure this was a vast overstatement, but his eyes had definitely held some sadness before he walked away.

As she thought about Severus, (F/N)’s mind wandered to the fact that she’d told neither Auntie Beth nor Eddie about the fiasco earlier in the year. She had written to them, of course, telling them what had happened, but she had conveniently omitted that most of her year, if not the school, knew that she had a crush on Severus Snape. She was loath to tell Eddie about it because all he would do was laugh and say ‘I told you so’, and Auntie Beth would only go on about how sweet she would undoubtedly find it that (F/N) had a crush at all, and would keep asking whether she was going to ask him out or not.

This year, (F/N) was very glad to have six weeks away from school. She would always miss Hogwarts whenever she was away, but this summer felt like a well-deserved rest. She hoped that whatever awkwardness she occasionally felt in Severus’ presence – even though he never showed any of his own in hers – would die away if she didn’t have to face him for a month.

(F/N) spent many of her days with Eddie, as usual, but this year she spent far more time at home with Auntie Beth. Auntie Beth had started working from home much more frequently than before, and sometimes didn’t leave the house for days at a time. (F/N) wasn’t quite sure what it was about her aunt’s job that kept her housebound, but she was more than happy to run errands and do chores which, admittedly, she always did anyway. Now though, it seemed, her aunt needed the help more than ever.

One evening in late July, at around seven o’clock, (F/N) had just finished dinner with her aunt and was making a start on the washing up when Auntie Beth looked up and said, “How about you send Cicero to your friend tonight, dear? See if they’re ready to come on up?”

(F/N) smiled over her shoulder at her aunt. “Okay!” she said, giving one of the plates a good scrub. When she was finished with all the plates, cutlery and cooking utensils (she would never leave a job half-finished, even if she was anxious to do something else) and they were dry, (F/N) rushed up to her room and was pleased to see Cicero still sitting patiently in his cage, even though the door was open and he could have flown out at any time. (F/N) scribbled out a brief message to Lily, encouraged Cicero to hop onto her forearm and attached the note to his leg.

“Please find Lily,” she said nicely, smiling at the little owl and taking him to the open window. A cool, sweet evening breeze tickled her nose as Cicero took off, presumably in the direction of where Lily was holidaying with her family at that very moment. (F/N) couldn’t wait to hear from her and hoped her reply would arrive soon.

Cicero didn’t return that night. (F/N) supposed he might have stopped for a bite to eat before delivering either her message or Lily’s. She didn’t mind, since there wasn’t much she would be able to do during the night seeing as how Auntie Beth was in bed by ten o’clock, most nights.

That night, however, (F/N) slept very restlessly. She kept dreaming that a deafening bang and blinding light consumed her in her entirety, causing her left side to burn with an intensity so great that a few times it was this phantom pain itself that woke her. It seemed, though, that every other hour she was roused by a terrible image of different people being hurt by the storm she whipped up in her anger.

First it had been Lily, and (F/N) found herself staring down at her best friend with her red hair fanned out behind her on her pillow in the hospital wing; then it had been Severus, lying on the ground face-down. Lily had scars on her pretty face and all (F/N) had been able to see of Severus’ skin was his hand, which was bright-red and badly burned.

Eddie had been in one of the nightmares, and his blond hair was standing on end where he had been struck by her lightning, out on the moors where they often wandered together; Auntie Beth lay in a heap on the kitchen floor, her clothes singed and ripped in places and the ceiling caved in around her; poor Haydn had tried to touch her arm in another dream, and received a shock so powerful he keeled over and died on the spot. _That_ one almost jolted (F/N) awake with a scream, but it was a close thing.

After what she hoped was the last nightmare, (F/N) lay wide awake in bed, staring at the ceiling, with tears prickling in her eyes. Finally, it all became too much and the tears spilled over, running down her cheeks towards her ears as she sobbed, still facing the ceiling.

She couldn’t help thinking, over and over, that she would never forgive herself if she hurt anyone just because she couldn’t control her magic. That horror – and fear – mixed with shame as she scolded herself for being no better than a mere child who had only just learned of their magical abilities and had no training whatsoever. What was she to do? As far as she knew, Hogwarts offered no classes on controlling one’s own peculiar, individual abilities. (F/N) knew of no one else, either, who had managed to exert a degree of control over the weather and elements … Of course, there were element-based spells that could be mastered but this seemed different …

She didn’t want this power. It was destructive and seemed to have no discernible purpose or application. She didn’t know what she would do if someone she cared about – or even someone she didn’t care for very much – was injured by one of these … outbursts. What if they had to go to the hospital wing, or St. Mungo’s? What if they _died_?

(F/N) rolled onto her side and sniffed, drying her eyes on the duvet. She had to try to convince herself that she wouldn’t ever lose control like that, or she’d never sleep again … but she couldn’t. She was scared, so deathly afraid of losing control and being the cause of someone else’s pain …

Eventually the thoughts that continued to swirl around her head exhausted her and sent her spiralling back into slumber with wet cheeks, sticky eyelashes and a slightly runny nose. She dreamed of nothing else that night and was very glad of it.

When she slid out of bed in the morning, (F/N) felt very groggy and a little shaky on her feet. She padded downstairs, still in her pyjamas, and made herself a cup of coffee – she thought she might need it. She made her way slowly back upstairs, not having seen Auntie Beth, and noticed that Cicero had come back in the time she spent down in the kitchen, and was now roosting happily in his cage. He had dropped a letter on her bed, and another sat on top, clearly having been delivered by another owl. She recognised the handwriting on both envelopes immediately.

Excited to hear what both of her best friends had to say, (F/N) placed her mug on her bedside table and started opening the letters. The first was from Lily, which had been Cicero’s delivery. She had – very ecstatically – written that she and her family would be along on Saturday and that she was looking forward to seeing (F/N) very much. The second letter was from Severus, and nothing seemed to be out of the ordinary with him – the only thing he was particularly expressive about in his letter was his wish to be back at Hogwarts. (F/N) interpreted that to mean that, quite aside from the learning aspect of school, he wished their little group was together at that time. She didn’t know how she knew that, but there was something in the words he chose …

That week seemed to trawl by. She was looking forward to seeing Lily so much that time almost slowed to complete stop. She was so restless by Friday that even Eddie had to tell her to calm down.

“Is being around us non-magic folk really that bad?” he teased late on Friday afternoon.

“Don’t be silly,” said (F/N), nudging him with her elbow. They sat in the treehouse they built a few years previously, in a lone tree a short way from the edge of the village, but still far enough from it that it could still be considered secluded. “We’re just close, that’s all,”

She glanced at Eddie and saw that he wore a small, thoughtful smile. “I’d like to meet her,” he said. “I won’t butt in on your afternoon tea, or whatever it is you’re doing tomorrow, but I could meet you after?”

“I’m sure she’d be happy to meet you too,” said (F/N) cheerfully. “We can meet you at home?”

“I’ll be out the front anyway,” said Eddie with a much happier smile. “Mum wants me to tidy up the garden, prune the roses, that sort of thing. I’ll be glad to have an excuse to get away,”

(F/N) laughed and turned her gaze towards the fields below and the moors beyond. She and Eddie had whiled away almost every summer like this but, as they got older, they found that whole hours were slipping by and neither of them had said a word. Perhaps, (F/N) thought, this was just one of the differences between childhood and adulthood. You _could_ spend hours in someone’s company without having to say anything at all.

When Saturday came, (F/N) was almost beside herself with excitement for Lily’s arrival. When _they_ were together, it was impossible not to talk. The summer was wearing on and it felt like ages since she’d seen Lily. (F/N) knew it would make her miss her other friends even more but having Lily with her would be a wonderful thing on its own.

(F/N) could hardly sit still all day, and had tried to busy herself with school matters, but found that all of her homework and revision had long since been completed. She ventured down to visit Aeolus around mid-morning and found the clearing extremely cool and inviting, stark in comparison to the almost arid plains beyond. Even though she had the invisible hippogriff for company and distraction, however, she could not stop her mind from wandering to thoughts she had tried so hard to avoid …

Severus.

Whether she wanted to admit it or not, he was almost constantly on her mind. Every time she wondered what he was up to, what he was thinking about or how he was feeling, she quickly ejected those musings and put up her barriers. It had been months since she was forced to reveal her feelings for him and, while she was glad to be able to call him her friend still, she could not help but feel as though she was barking up the wrong tree …

Taking a mental crayon and scribbling out those depressing thoughts as forcibly as she could, (F/N) took a slow, lazy walk back to the village, feeling very warm and as though she would develop a suntan for sure. She returned in good time to meet Auntie Beth at the house again, before making their way to the little pub where they would be meeting the Evans family.

It was a very pleasant walk. A light breeze had picked up, fanning (F/N) and her aunt as they walked. Auntie Beth somehow had an entire host of new questions to ask about (F/N)’s year at Hogwarts, all of which (F/N) was happy to answer. They had been over the ‘incident’ involving Nolan – many, _many_ times – so Auntie Beth no longer said very much about it, but sometimes (F/N) would catch her looking at her scarred arm, and sometimes even her leg. Being as warm as it was, out in the countryside during the summer, (F/N) could not – and would not – avoid wearing dresses, or shorts or skirts or t-shirts. There was no way she would wear jeans or long shirts to hide her limbs.

(F/N) hadn’t told Auntie Beth about how she’d been the one to get Nolan expelled. She knew she’d be exceptionally disappointed. Still, (F/N) was extremely relieved to have not received a letter from Hogwarts yet, telling her she’d been expelled herself. She wasn’t quite sure if she dared believe she got away with it after all …

As soon as they arrived at the pub, (F/N) grabbed a table outside while Auntie Beth went inside and ordered some drinks. The table (F/N) chose had a parasol set up in the middle, which (F/N) thought the Evanses might appreciate given they would have had quite a long drive to Spindlewood Common. Auntie Beth came and sat beside (F/N) and poured them both some water when someone brought a tray with two lemonades and a pitcher.

Ten minutes later, a blue car pulled into the small pub carpark. The sun glinted harshly off the windows, so (F/N) couldn’t see who was inside, but she felt a surge of excitement that was rather like a kick in the stomach. She _knew_ who was in that car, and she didn’t need to see, because less than a minute later her suspicions were confirmed as the red blur that was Lily Evans came bounding over to greet her.

(F/N) leapt from her seat and ran to close the gap between her and her best friend. They crashed into a bone-crushing hug and said, simultaneously, “Hello, you!”

“Lil, this is my Auntie Beth. Auntie Beth, this is Lily,” said (F/N), introducing them. She felt a little strange as she said it though, because having Lily there when Severus was so far away was a very odd thing indeed. Even if they weren’t together all the time at Hogwarts, they were still a trio. Not having him there felt a wrong, somehow …

“Nice to meet you!” Lily said breezily.

“And you!” said Auntie Beth.

A couple of minutes later Lily’s family approached the table. Lily’s mother was very similar to her, with hair that was red but not quite as red as Lily’s, and kind, almond-shaped eyes. Her father had blond hair that was beginning to show signs of age, with whiter hairs streaked throughout, and blue eyes. He was a little gaunter than his wife, and this trait, along with his colouring, was reflected in Lily’s sister.

Petunia was taller than Lily and was blonde and blue-eyed, but had a rather long, bony face and a remarkably long neck. She didn’t look happy to be there, because her pale arms were crossed tightly across her chest.

Lily made her introductions and (F/N) and her aunt smiled and greeted them just as happily as Lily had them. Once everyone had found seats around the table, Mr Evans went to order drinks for his family and when he returned, he and Mrs Evans began chatting to Auntie Beth as if they’d known each other for years. Lily and (F/N), excited as they were to see each other, tried to include Petunia in their conversation but Lily’s elder sister was having none of it. Lily discreetly raised her eyebrows at (F/N), as if to say, ‘I told you so’. (F/N) knew she was referring to a time – years ago, now – when Lily had told her what her sister could be like.

Mr and Mrs Evans turned their attention to (F/N) and asked her how she liked school. Mrs Evans in particular seemed very interested in the magical world and mentioned how excited she’d been when it was discovered that Lily was a witch. They asked (F/N) all sorts of questions about her own life as one, which she supposed they could have found out from Lily, but she was very happy they had taken such a shine to her. As they talked, everyone ignored Petunia’s quiet comment about ‘freaks’.

As soon as Lily got a chance, seemingly brimming with excitement inspired by all the talk of Hogwarts, she asked, “Have you heard from Sev?”

(F/N), unable to ignore the wink Lily gave her, blushed furiously. “I’ve had a few letters, yes …”

“Aaaaaaand?”

(F/N) rolled her eyes but couldn’t help grinning. It was like Lily expected to discover that she and Severus had been dating since the end of term, or something. “And what?” she said.

“You _know_ what I mean!” Lily teased. (F/N) became acutely aware of Petunia’s sudden focus on them.

“Nothing,” said (F/N), honestly. “He’s just been talking about the things he normally talks about …”

“Oh, I _wish_ something would happen!” Lily sighed. Obviously she hadn’t noticed Petunia’s staring. “It’d be so cute …”

“It isn’t like that …” (F/N) tried to insist, but Lily wasn’t listening.

“Give it time. What boy wouldn’t fancy you?”

_A boy who likes you more,_ (F/N) thought sadly, despite feeling very flattered. Now, Lily hadn’t been speaking loudly – on the contrary, she was almost whispering so the adults wouldn’t hear – but that didn’t stop Petunia from overhearing. She was obviously a girl who loved gossip in all its forms, regardless of who it concerned.

“You’re not talking about that boy who lives near us, are you?” said Petunia suddenly. Lily whirled around, realising the situation at hand. If (F/N) had to guess, she would say that her friend’s expression was one of horror. Petunia smirked, blue eyes flitting from her sister to (F/N). “You don’t fancy _him_ , do you?”

(F/N) glanced at Mr and Mrs Evans and Auntie Beth and was relieved to see that they were so deep in conversation that they hadn’t noticed what was going on between the girls. She didn’t answer Petunia.

“Oh, come _on_. I know you’re all a bunch of weirdos, but _he’s_ something else …”

“Please don’t talk about him like that,” said (F/N), miraculously finding her tongue before Lily found hers. “He isn’t bad,”

“ _He isn’t bad_?” Petunia scoffed. “I’m sure it was him who made a tree fall on me, once!”

“Tuney, I keep saying, you don’t _know_ him …” Lily said, almost pleadingly.

“It doesn’t matter!” hissed Petunia. “He’s a _freak_ , just like you two!”

(F/N) was a little taken aback. She’d heard the previous comment about ‘freaks’, but this time it stung. They _weren’t_ freaks – they were magical. She and Lily were witches, and there was nothing wrong with that. There were lots of people like them. But even she could see that there would be no use telling Petunia that. She shrugged off the remark and took a sip of lemonade.

“Tuney, please … We _aren’t_ …”

“I can’t believe I got dragged on holiday with you people,” Petunia sniffed. Clearly, (F/N) thought, she tried to have as little to do with her sister as possible. A great pang of sadness hit her right in the chest.

“Hey …” she whispered, pulling Lily’s attention back to her, because Mrs Evans appeared to be having a stern word with Petunia now. Apparently she _had_ overheard their conversation.

“Yeah …?” said Lily quietly, clearly subdued by her sister’s words.

“ _I_ know a Muggle who would _love_ to hang out with us,” (F/N) said with a very cheeky grin. Lily’s eyes widened.

“You mean your friend? Eddie?”

“I do,”

Lily grinned so much that it was almost dazzling. “That’d be great!” she said. “But …”

(F/N)’s smile faltered and she cocked her head, wondering what the ‘but’ could possibly be …

“You’re not getting away with not talking about your crush!” Lily laughed.

(F/N) groaned.

***

Later that afternoon, Lily’s parents and Auntie Beth were happy for (F/N) to take Lily to meet Eddie. Petunia was neither happy to stay nor willing to go … so she stayed. Mr and Mrs Evans took Auntie Beth up on her offer of tea at home, seeing as how none of them ended up having afternoon tea at the village pub / café, and Petunia went with them because the prospect of sitting in a garden with three _normal_ people was better than traipsing about the fields with three very strange ones.

Lily was of the mind that Petunia staying behind was a very good thing, despite it being very obvious to (F/N) that she wished her sister would interact with her more. Lily was quickly distracted by walking back through the village though and seemed delighted by the place. She commented on the bright, floral gardens and pretty houses, and was particularly impressed with (F/N)’s own little street. Lily fell quite silent with all of her compliments, however, when they stopped in front of Eddie’s house, and (F/N) was sure she knew why.

Eddie had looked up as soon as they arrived, and his warm eyes shone in the sunlight. (F/N) had to admit that he did look rather dashing, covered in soil and grass stains though he was. He stood up very quickly, reminding (F/N) of how tall he was, and bounded over to the gate in only three strides. (F/N) glanced at Lily; she looked smitten.

“Hi,” Eddie said, looking first at Lily and then winking at (F/N). “Come to rescue me, have you?”

“Sure, you can be the damsel in distress,” (F/N) teased, grinning up at him. “C’mon,”

Eddie could have stepped right over the gate, but he opened it, stepped outside and closed it behind him like a civilised human being.

“So, Eddie this is Lily, Lily this is Eddie,” said (F/N), making her second round of introductions that day. Eddie smiled at Lily.

“Pleased to meet you,”

“A-and you!”

(F/N) rolled her eyes and smiled to herself. She wouldn’t hear the end of this.

They strolled about for what seemed like hours. (F/N) and Lily had left the pub before Lily’s family and Auntie Beth and, as a result, had left the street with Eddie before they returned to (F/N)’s house for tea. Eddie was his usual cheeky self but was quite oblivious to the fact that Lily kept giving him goo-goo eyes. (F/N) decided it would be a very bad idea to suggest to Lily, even with a look, that she knew what was going on because she _really_ didn’t want Lily to react and reveal (F/N)’s crush on Severus.

(F/N) couldn’t _stand_ the thought of Eddie going, _“I told you so!”_

At one point, Lily asked (F/N) to show her where she kept Aeolus during the summer. Eddie’s ears pricked up at that, because (F/N) had never allowed him to go with her. He was quick to remind her, and (F/N) noted the mischievous look on his face.

“You _know_ why I never brought you along …” (F/N) sighed.

“Because he’s invisible?” said Eddie with a smirk.

(F/N) rolled her eyes. “You don’t realise how much more dangerous that makes him,”

“Why don’t I just watch from the trees?”

“And you think something with the head of an eagle won’t see you from there?” (F/N) turned to look at Lily as she heard her chuckle. “What?”

“You two,” said Lily simply. “You can tell you’ve been friends since … well, forever,”

Eddie swaggered past (F/N) with a very self-satisfied smirk and nudged her gently. (F/N) sighed but couldn’t help smiling. “He drives me nuts,” she said.

“But she loves me really,”

“I really don’t,”

“You _do!”_

“Don’t!”

(F/N) observed the way Eddie’s smirk became just a tad more sinister. “Oh, that’s right. You love someone else, don’t you? That other friend of yours,”

“Eddie, shut up. No, I –,”

“Ooh, Eddie knows about Sev, too?” Lily chimed in, not realising how much of a disservice she was doing (F/N) in that moment. Eddie looked positively triumphant.

“So I _was_ right?!” he laughed. “Oh, that’s too funny …”

“Not funny, _not_ funny …!” (F/N) bleated. Lily looked very apologetic. “Oh, Eddie, _stop!”_

“What was the fight about last summer, then?” he chuckled. He didn’t seem upset about it, but something else was going on in his head and (F/N) wasn’t sure what. She wasn’t going to probe him for information, either.

“I didn’t feel that way then!” (F/N) said. She was glad they were standing underneath the large tree with the treehouse, because she didn’t want anyone else to hear this exchange. “It’s more … recent,”

Lily was very quiet. (F/N) believed she was starting to see what she meant when she’d told her – in the past – all about what a fiend Eddie could be, sometimes.

Eddie kept on grinning, but he was definitely thinking about something else. It was with a heavy note of distraction that he said, “Let’s see if we can find the ponies instead. Did you tell Lily about them?”

Lily was extremely excited as they made their way out onto the moors to search for them. (F/N) remembered telling her about the ponies years ago, and how much Lily said she wanted to see them. She listened as Lily told Eddie all about how she didn’t see much wildlife in her town, except for maybe the odd fox, or a bird that would land in her garden. They didn’t have wild horses running about in Cokeworth, though.

They found the wild ponies grazing at the bottom of the same hill (F/N) and Eddie had spotted them from before. Lily had a job to keep quiet, but she sat on the brow of the hill with (F/N) and Eddie and watched the animals as they went about their usual business. (F/N) realised it had been years since she’d seen the herd and recognised the two foals from before. They were fully grown, but recognisable by the colours of their coats. One was chestnut with a bald white face and the other was as black as Aeolus but with a single white stocking on its rear left leg.

The ponies didn’t approach this time but it was a glorious afternoon, nevertheless. When it was time to head back, (F/N) looked at Lily to see her wearing an expression of great contentment and Eddie looked pretty pleased, too. (F/N) wasn’t sure if it would be too intense to say so, but she hoped she would always be able to see her friends this happy, and the same went for those she would only see at school.

When they returned to Oxlip Lane, Eddie gave them a cheery wave goodbye and told Lily he hoped she’d come back someday. (F/N) had never seen her blush so much. It was a given, though, that she and Eddie would see each other tomorrow.

It was wonderfully cool inside the house. It wasn’t a very big house, but Lily seemed very taken with it. “I love all these trinkets …!” was one thing she said, as she gazed at all of Auntie Beth’s colourful candles and ornaments. “Oh (F/N), you have such a lovely home!”

(F/N) felt her face burn as the colour rose in her cheeks. “Thank you …”

She wasn’t sure how she knew they were there, since she and Lily were still standing in the hallway, but Auntie Beth came bustling in from the garden all of a sudden. She had a great, beaming smile on her face.

“Hello, you two!” she said, sounding slightly out of breath. “Some letters came for you while you were out,”

She handed both of them envelopes with the Hogwarts crest on the wax seals.

“Must be our equipment lists!” said Lily.

“You go on and see what you need,” said Auntie Beth, with kind eyes and a kind smile. She turned and went back into the garden with the Evanses. Lily and (F/N) grinned at each other and went up to (F/N)’s room, flopping down onto the bed. It was lovely and airy in (F/N)’s room, and Lily seemed to like it even more than she liked the rest of the house (that she’d seen, anyway).

The girls tore open their letters. (F/N) was excited to see that a couple of extra books were needed, along with the next edition of _The Standard Book of Spells._ She was relieved that no letter of expulsion had been issued. (F/N) knew their O.W.Ls were coming up in the new school year, and she was very anxious but excited at the same time. She wanted to do her very best, and be her parents’ daughter …

Lily was staring at her lap, though. (F/N) looked up and saw why. Lily’s expression was one of absolute shock, although when (F/N) realised she really ought to have remembered this part of becoming a fifth-year, she was surprised that her friend seemed so surprised.

In Lily’s lap, atop her equipment list, sat a shiny red and gold badge with a ‘P’ on it. (F/N) grinned; Lily had been made a Prefect.

“I … I can’t believe it …” Lily mumbled, clearly delighted but dumbfounded all at once.

(F/N) chuckled. “Why can’t you believe it? You were _obviously_ the best candidate!” she said, grabbing Lily and pulling her into a hug.

“But … but there’s _you!”_ Lily protested. “What about you? You’re a _great_ student!”

(F/N) laughed again. “Lil, I got someone _expelled_ last year!” she pointed out. “And I’m sure Dumbledore knows all about it, I’ve told you before. I’m not exactly role model material, am I?”

“But you get such good marks and you’re so kind and …”

“Lily, stop. You deserve that badge, far more than I do!” said (F/N) with a smile. In all honesty, even if she had remembered, she wasn’t sure she would have wanted to be a Prefect. She wouldn’t have turned the honour down, of course, but she hardly needed another reason to get stressed out. She felt her arm tingle uncomfortably at the thought and rubbed it haphazardly. Lily noticed.

“Oh, you should _not_ be thinking that!” she said, almost as if she’d read (F/N)’s mind. When (F/N) looked at her in surprise, taken aback by what she was saying, Lily added, “You can’t seriously think you’d be a bad example to other students because you lost control for _one – single – second?”_

(F/N) looked down to hide the guilt in her eyes. Really, what sort of Prefect would other students want to follow if that Prefect couldn’t even control themselves?

“It doesn’t matter,” said (F/N) quietly. “The teachers didn’t pick me – they picked you,” She smiled at Lily, returning to her true self. She couldn’t have been prouder.

Lily gazed at (F/N), then at the badge, then at (F/N) again. She seemed uncertain. “Do you really think I can do it?”

“There’s no question about it!”

Lily absolutely beamed, and radiated happiness. She spoke very little of her appointment as Prefect, because talk of their O.W.Ls swiftly took over and (F/N) soon learned that Lily was just as anxious as she was. They talked for ages, about anything that came to mind, and didn’t even hear footsteps coming up the stairs or notice that the sky beyond the window had turned from china blue to the rosy, pastel peach of sunset.

Auntie Beth put her head around the door and smiled. “Where did the time go, eh?”

The girls looked up and grinned at her. “Time flies,” said (F/N).

“Is it time for me to go?” Lily asked. She sounded slightly mournful, (F/N) thought.

“Well …” said Auntie Beth slowly. “Your parents have said it’s time to head back … it’ll be long after dark before you get there …”

Lily nodded and forced a smile onto her face. (F/N) knew it was because she was dreading the car ride back with Petunia not talking to her.

“ _But_ …” said Auntie Beth.

“But?” repeated Lily, sounding very surprised.

“I may have mentioned something to your mum and dad about having you to stay …” said (F/N)’s aunt with a rather cunning smile. Lily’s mouth formed a very comical ‘O’.

“Oh, really?!” she squealed. “What did they say?”

“They said you’d probably like that,” Auntie Beth chuckled. “We agreed you can stay tonight and most of tomorrow, and because you’re all heading home in the afternoon they’ll come this way and pick you up. How does that sound?”

Lily whirled around to look at (F/N), who was smiling just as much as she was. “That would be brilliant!” she said, turning back to Auntie Beth. “As long as you’re happy to have me …”

“Of course, dear,” said Auntie Beth sweetly.

So that was that. (F/N) couldn’t remember the last time she felt so elated. She had been extremely happy in-between times, but she supposed the last time she felt _this_ happy was when she had first gone off to Hogwarts. She and Lily went downstairs to say goodbye to Lily’s family – (F/N) shook hands with her parents and said it was lovely to meet them (apparently they thought likewise) – and they saw them off up the road as they walked back to where they had parked their blue car. Auntie Beth then went to the kitchen to start dinner, and (F/N) rushed back upstairs to make up the spare bed for Lily.

“I mean, I know we share a dormitory at school, but this is so exciting!” Lily chirruped as she handed (F/N) a pillowcase from the dresser. Lily had tried to help put the bedding on but (F/N) had insisted on doing it because “Lily was the guest”.

“I know!” (F/N) said breezily, tugging the case over the pillow and puffing it up. She had already done the sheet and the duvet – exclaiming all the while that the whole affair would have been easier with magic – and once the pillows went on everything would be finished. “By the way, since we’re the same size, you can have a pair of my pyjamas and I think we’ve got some disposable toothbrushes in the bathroom,”

Lily bounced across the room in two steps and wrapped (F/N) in a suffocating hug from behind. “You are the best friend I could ever ask for. You know that, don’t you?” Her voice was muffled for the fact that she was speaking directly into (F/N)’s shoulder.

(F/N) chuckled, deciding to be cheeky. “I thought Sev was your best friend?”

Lily laughed too and gave her a sharp poke in the side. “You’re _both_ my best friends, but it’s … different,” she said. “Like how you are with Eddie. Sev and I, we’ve been friends for years. But you … Oh god, this is cheesy … You’re more like my sister than my _real_ sister,”

(F/N)’s eyes were suddenly assaulted with tiny pinpricks as they welled up with tears. Her best friend, Lily, saw her as a sister. (F/N) had never known how it felt to have a sibling … and now she thought she might. She turned and pulled Lily back into a hug and squeezed her.

“Geez … You’re strong!” Lily spluttered, hugging (F/N) back for the second time. “What’s up?”

“Just … it’s great … that you think of me that way …”

(F/N) heard Lily chuckle. “Of course I do,” she said. “I could tell, from the moment we first met, that we were going to be _this_ close,”

(F/N) looked up again and smiled, seeing Lily holding her index finger and thumb very close together. “Me too,” she said.


	28. Chapter 28

Having Lily to stay was wonderful. It was a _proper_ sleepover, not at all like what they always had at school. (F/N) and Lily stayed up well into the night, chatting about all sorts of things but the conversations they had nearly always circled back to the subject of boys. Lily had been quite taken with Eddie, but even she said she could tell what a hellion he was.

“But he _is_ cute …” Lily giggled, her voice barely more than a whisper so as not to wake (F/N)’s aunt.

(F/N) rolled her eyes and smiled. “Shall we mention to Potter that you’ve got a crush on a Muggle?”

Lily laughed. “How sore would that make him?” she said. “But I’m Muggle-born anyway, so what does it matter?”

“It doesn’t matter one jot,” said (F/N), pushing another Chocolate Frog towards Lily (she liked to keep a stash of magical confectioneries at home). “It’ll just really annoy him!”

“Oh, absolutely. He thinks he’s the best thing since butterbeer …”

Talking about Potter naturally led the girls to talk about Black, and Lupin and Pettigrew. Mostly, though, the conversation was about Black and how _he_ seemed to think he was the bee’s knees. Neither (F/N) nor Lily seemed able to believe Black had asked (F/N) what Severus had that he didn’t, but (F/N) tried to steer the discussion away from that topic then because she didn’t really want to talk about her own feelings, which would eventually and inevitably become the focus of their chatter.

Sometime in the small hours of the morning, Lily yawned and realised how tired she was. She crept off to bed, leaving (F/N) to her thoughts. She, too, was tired but she couldn’t help thinking of all things Hogwarts, both good and bad. Unfortunately though, as was often the case, her mind settled on something unpleasant.

The other houses would have new Prefects, too. She and Lily had speculated on who the other Gryffindor Prefect was, but they supposed in the end there were a few boys that could have been chosen. Haydn was one, and Faizan Khan was another. They didn’t suppose any of the Marauders would have been chosen, purely because of their behaviour ninety-nine per cent of the time. The other one per cent of the time was spent sneaking around and no one knew where they were, so they couldn’t be told off.

Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff had plenty of good candidates for Prefects, but the thought of who the Slytherin Prefects might be wound (F/N)’s stomach into tight knots. Edith would be a very good Prefect … but (F/N) couldn’t think of very many boys who would be a good fit. The only one who did come to mind was Severus.

He wasn’t an outgoing person, and would probably be a quiet student leader, but he was extremely clever and a brilliant wizard to boot. The teachers wouldn’t be wrong to choose him. It was just … uncomfortable for (F/N) to think that she might be left behind by her two best friends while they fulfilled duties as Prefects.

(F/N) eventually fell into a fitful sleep filled with the strangest images and visions. She was walking to the Great Hall, travelling from the Gryffindor common room, but someone kept tapping her on the shoulder. Every time she looked to see who was there, she saw no one at all. Just inside the doors of the Great Hall, everything became very distorted; two of the four house tables were floating upside-down; the floor, not the ceiling, reflected the weather outside; the teachers were all sitting on beanbags eating their dinners.

(F/N) made her way to Gryffindor table but found that it was one of the two that was floating in mid-air. All those Gryffindors who were already sitting at the table did so with their hair hanging straight down, but they didn’t drop their food. As soon as she was right underneath the table, (F/N) was dragged up into the air by forces unknown and made to sit at the table anyway, regardless it being upside-down.

Before she even had a chance to adjust, (F/N) was approached by Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall and told, in no uncertain terms, that she was expelled from Hogwarts but, because she had been a good student up until that point, she could stay on and help around the school. Hagrid apparently didn’t need any help, but Filch …

The scene changed. Everything was silent to the point of being oppressive. (F/N) thought her ears would bleed. She couldn’t hear or even feel her pulse. She was sitting on her bed in Gryffindor Tower, staring straight ahead. Without looking at her hands, she moved one of them to touch her arm; her skin was horribly cold. She managed to drag her eyes from the spot she’d been staring at on the wall and looked around without moving her head. There was nobody else there with her. A deep sense of abandonment filled her body …

And she woke up. In a cold sweat, panting, and wondering what on earth _that_ all had been about. She climbed out of bed and went to sit in the window, staring out across the moonlit countryside. The window was slightly ajar, allowing a cool breeze to ventilate the room. (F/N) breathed deeply and quietly told herself that everything would be all right; she was fine; everyone else was fine …

She still felt very out-of-sorts after giving herself a talking-to. She allowed her dreams to replay themselves in her mind. She wondered where the bizarre appearance of the Great Hall had come from … then decided it was probably because she felt as if she had no control over anything that was happening in her life at the moment. Still, she thought … if her fellow students’ hair had been hanging down in the dream, the food on the table really should have been all over the floor …

(F/N) decided it would be a very good idea to go back to bed before she could busy her mind with dismantling the other bits of her dream. She climbed back under the covers and faced away from the window, and fell asleep almost instantly. Her mind went completely blank.

The following day flew by and before they knew it, Lily had to go home. (F/N) found that she had plenty of happiness to see her through until the start of term, though. Auntie Beth took her to Diagon Alley for her school supplies on Tuesday and, while she didn’t expect to see anyone she knew, she still held out hope. At one point she felt sure she heard the pompous, irritating voice of Gilderoy Lockhart, but she moved along quickly for fear of him spotting her.

She felt terrible for thinking it, but on the last day of the holidays (F/N) couldn’t help but be glad for the fact that she was about to go back to school. Eddie had been very quiet in the weeks leading up to the start of the new school year, and no matter how many times she asked (F/N) would never get a straight answer. She knew she hadn’t done anything wrong – Eddie had assured her of that – but she also knew that something was definitely amiss. Eddie’s reticence and standoffishness had made him difficult to talk to and hang out with, so when the time came for (F/N) to load her trunk and Cicero’s cage into Auntie Beth’s car and make the long drive to King’s Cross, it was with a guilty sigh of relief that she did so.

(F/N) was, as usual, reasonably early to King’s Cross and hugged her aunt goodbye before casually pushing her luggage trolley through the barrier between Platforms 9 and 10. She loaded everything onto the train and, this time, left all of her books in her trunk rather than keeping one for the journey. She did take her uniform out of the trunk, however, and changed into it before many other students arrived. She slipped her wand into her pocket and went to find an empty compartment.

(F/N) sat for what felt like an eternity, watching other students filing onto the train and laughing with their friends as they chose their own carriages. Her heart leapt, though, when Lily’s smiling face appeared at the compartment door.

“There you are!” she said, coming inside. Severus stood just behind her and gave (F/N) a polite nod in greeting. “We wondered if you might be here already …”

“I always am,” (F/N) chuckled. Lily and Severus were already in their school uniforms as well, and (F/N) couldn’t help admiring the shiny badge pinned to Lily’s lapel. “Are you staying, or …?”

Lily’s face fell. “I’m so sorry, (F/N) …” she said. “The Prefects have to go to another carriage for briefing and so on … I’ll come back later, though, if I can!”

(F/N) grinned. “Sure! I’ll see you later, then,”

Lily smiled back and swept from the compartment like a little red whirlwind. Severus, however, entered the compartment and sat down directly opposite (F/N). She had tried so hard not to look at him too much, feeling ridiculous for the way her chest tightened at the mere sight of him. He had grown a lot more over this summer than last, and she wasn’t sure if she was imagining it because of how fond of him she was but he now looked less like a boy and more of a young man ...

But all of those thoughts practically leaked from her ears when she saw that he _wasn’t_ wearing a Prefect badge. And, of course, he hadn’t gone with Lily to the Prefects’ compartment. He smirked at her, making her heart tremble but she managed to ignore it.

“What, you thought _I’d_ be made Prefect?” he said, raising an eyebrow.

The smile that slowly appeared on (F/N)’s face was an apprehensive one. “I see no reason why you shouldn’t have been considered,”

Severus looked straight out of the window, his black hair covering most of his face to the point (F/N) couldn’t see his expression. “There’s no reason you shouldn’t have been either,”

(F/N) was a bit surprised but she didn’t let it show; she knew what a powerful Legilimens he was already, and all it would take would be for him to catch her unawares and he would see everything. She chuckled and said, “Really? With my track record?”

Severus looked at her. “What track record?”

It was (F/N)’s turn to smirk. “Oh, you know … Sneaking into the forest, getting people expelled, lying to the faculty …

Severus analysed her with his dark, piercing eyes for a few seconds but couldn’t help smiling, if only a little bit. (F/N) knew perfectly well that he found her amusing.

“Well, now, _that_ makes you sound like a criminal,” he said with a smirk.

There came a knock on the compartment window and they both looked up to see Haydn and Edith standing there, smiling and waving at them. Clearly, neither of them were Prefects either. (F/N) beckoned them in, eager to see her partners in crime.

“Did we have good summers?” asked Edith, parking herself next to Severus. He shrugged, but (F/N) nodded happily.

“And you?” she asked, looking from Edith to Haydn. They both nodded but, when (F/N) took a closer look at Haydn, she saw him blushing – hard. “What’s up?” she asked, wondering if he had a temperature.

Edith chuckled. “Shy again, are you?” she said softly, looking at Haydn herself.

It took (F/N) a moment to figure out what was going on, but it came to her quite quickly. “Oh … _Oh!”_ she gasped. “Are you two going out?”

Haydn shuffled in his seat and Edith grinned. “We are,” she said simply.

Before anything else could be said, everyone was distracted by the train jolting to life. It pulled slowly out of the station as it always did, and soon they were rushing out of the city and into the countryside, speeding towards one of their most crucial years at Hogwarts.

“So …” said (F/N), once everything was calm again. “When did this happen?” She pointed from Edith to Haydn and back again in a sweeping motion.

“Like … last day of term …” said Haydn quietly. He seemed quite astonished by the fact he had a girlfriend.

(F/N) was grinning like a madwoman. “ _That_ … is cute,” she said, struggling to contain her excitement. “I suppose this is the result of our exploits …?”

Edith giggled. “It is. Haydn is one of those people who isn’t afraid to break the rules for a friend. I think that’s great!” she said. “ _And_ he knows how to pay a girl a compliment,”

(F/N) looked at Haydn and saw him trying to hide behind his woolly blond hair. “I think you make an awesome couple,” she said, patting his shoulder affectionately. Haydn smiled sheepishly.

Edith, meanwhile, was looking out of the window. When (F/N) turned back, she noticed Severus doing the same. He looked as though he felt a bit awkward. Edith turned slowly from the window and discreetly nodded from (F/N) to Severus and waggled her eyebrows. (F/N) knew what the silent question was, and she quickly shook her head.

Thankfully, Severus hadn’t seemed to notice what was going on next to him. In fact, he seemed to be somewhere else entirely. (F/N) wished she could find out, but she didn’t know Legilimency, and asking him wouldn’t work, so she was a bit stuck.

There was nothing out of the ordinary about the journey to Hogwarts. After a period of silence, Severus also turned away from the window and, to (F/N)’s surprise, asked her about her summer. So she told him and then asked about his (in more detail than Edith had). Haydn and Edith were chatting to each other, and it seemed to be their conversation that prompted Severus’ next peculiar question.

“Haydn,” he said, getting the Gryffindor’s attention. “Do you want to sit here?”

Haydn blinked at him a couple of times before nodding and switching seats with him. “Thanks …” he said, giving him a small smile.

(F/N) was very happy that Haydn and Edith were able to sit together now. She thought it was very sweet that Severus had offered Haydn his seat so that he could sit next to his girlfriend. But now Severus was sitting next to _her_ , and she wasn’t sure how to behave. She felt a bit uncomfortable, no matter how she decided to sit. She wasn’t even sure where to _look,_ and her face felt extremely hot. Still, she faced him in spite of herself and they kept talking until Lily eventually came back to the carriage. She looked as though she had been run ragged.

“Are you okay?” (F/N) asked as Lily came in. She shut the door quite abruptly.

“First …” said Lily, holding up a finger as though reprimanding a naughty child. “You have to _guess_ who the other Gryffindor Prefect is,”

Everyone looked at each other and shrugged, but seeing as how she hadn’t seen the Marauders wandering up and down the train as they normally did, she said, “One of _that_ lot?”

_“Lupin!”_ Lily harrumphed, eyes blazing. She folded her arms crossly and blew a stray hair out of her face. “I suppose they must think, because he’s never the one who _causes_ any trouble, that he’s well-suited for the job!”

(F/N) giggled. “Lily Evans, you aren’t questioning authority, are you?”

Lily couldn’t help herself; (F/N) always had a way of bringing a smile to her face, no matter what kind of mood she was in. “No, I’m not …” she said, as if being told off by her mother. She unfolded her arms and put them on her hips. “… I just can’t believe it, y’know?”

(F/N) nodded and smiled sympathetically. “It is a bit rubbish …”

“Mm … I’m sure there’s a stronger word around here somewhere …” Lily mused, before taking a deep breath and closing her eyes briefly. “Anyway, they told us what we need to do as Prefects, and then we spent the next however long running along the train keeping the rowdier students in line. I tell you, we’re in for a year of it. The new first-years are demon spawn,”

Poor Lily had to spend the remainder of the journey to Hogwarts chasing about after naughty students in lower year groups, but (F/N) was satisfied to see Lupin doing the same. As evening drew in, and the train slowed to a stop, (F/N) realised that she wasn’t going to see Lily properly until the feast.

The seating arrangements on the train didn’t change when (F/N)’s group transferred to the ‘invisibly-drawn’ carriages that always carried them up to the castle. Hogwarts, as always, cut an impressive and imposing figure against the dark night sky, blotting out the stars and replacing them with glowing yellow windows. A surge of excitement raced through (F/N)’s veins, thrilled to see the other place she called home. Still, though, she felt a little embarrassed sitting so close to the object of her affections and, because the carriage was much smaller than their compartment on the Express, she couldn’t help but notice how they were almost shoulder-to-shoulder and how their knees were almost touching.

She was still thinking about this as she sat among her fellow Gryffindors, eating and chatting and joking away but also thinking and pondering and contemplating everything that had been said that afternoon, and everything that had happened so far. By bedtime, (F/N) was just as exhausted as Lily, although mentally as opposed to her best friend’s physical fatigue.

(F/N) may have felt well-rested next morning, but it didn’t last. The teachers got right to teaching them exam techniques and the things they would need to know for the exams themselves, and then piled heaps and heaps of homework upon each and every one of them. They barely had enough time to get through all of it before more was dished out, let alone find time for anything else. By Friday, (F/N) hadn’t even managed to get away to see Aeolus; she _assumed_ he’d found his way back to the forest when she returned to Hogwarts, but she still worried about him.

On top of the lack of time spent with her hippogriff, (F/N) found that she was suffering from a similar lack of interaction with her friends. When she did see them, whether in the library or the common room or class, by the second week back they all looked just as strained as she felt. Lily was her usual, lovely self but she had grown more irritable. Severus exhibited no obvious changes in his personality, but he spent so much time in the library nowadays that he ended up cutting it very fine with getting to class and meals and making it back to his common room before curfew. Haydn had become quite an anxious person again, withdrawing into himself and studying for long periods of time, to the point of giving himself headaches almost daily.

“I guess it’s just the way things are during exam years,” said Lily one evening, as they watched Haydn squinting down at his latest piece of History of Magic homework. “I expect N.E.W.Ts will be the same. Or worse,”

(F/N) nodded and sighed, turning back to her Astronomy homework as Lily went on with her Charms essay. She and Lily had already finished their History of Magic assignment for the week; they had both fallen asleep during the lesson Professor Binns set it, much like the other students in their class, and had decided to work together to get back up to speed.

Just then, Black, Potter, Lupin and Pettigrew entered the common room, talking very loudly as usual. Lily and (F/N) kept their heads down, determined not to give them any reason to pester them, and to their relief they walked straight past their table and went up to the boys’ dormitories. Their conversation, however, had sparked (F/N)’s curiosity.

“Did you hear what they were saying?” she asked.

“I think the giant squid probably heard them,”

(F/N) grinned and rolled her eyes. “Probably. But you know what they were on about, don’t you?”

Lily looked confused. “No … I mean, I _heard_ them, but I didn’t understand any of it …”

(F/N)’s eyes twinkled as though she had just heard something very funny and very interesting to gossip about, although she knew she would only ever speak of it to Lily. It wasn’t worth it to get the Marauders into _that_ much trouble … “A teaspoon of dew … a strand of hair …?”

“What … They’re brewing Polyjuice Potion?” said Lily, frowning at her best friend.

“No, Lil … What kind of Polyjuice uses dew?”

“Oh, I don’t know … I’m bloody knackered, (F/N) …”

“I know, I know … I’m sorry, I am too,” she said, patting Lily gently on the arm. “No, they were talking about an _Animagus_ Potion _…”_ She whispered the last part, careful not to let anyone else hear. Lily looked at her in complete astonishment.

“Of _course!”_ she said, putting down her quill. “I’ve been thinking they’re up to something funny,”

(F/N) widened her eyes as if to say, ‘are you really surprised?’ and cast her eye over the homework she’d completed so far. Feeling a wave of tiredness wash over her once she realised she was more than three-quarters finished, she put down her own quill and screwed the cap back on her inkpot. “What _I_ don’t understand is how they’ve got enough time to faff about with difficult magic like that and _still_ get good marks,”

“Ugh, I _know._ There isn’t anything that irritates me more than the fact that they mess about so much and still do well in class,” Lily grumbled.

(F/N) smiled. “Well, at least you haven’t got a second-year dancing around, hounding your every step and declaring his undying love for you at every possible opportunity,”

“No, but I have got James Potter _almost_ doing that, and that’s just as bad,”

Both girls laughed and made Haydn jump. Before they could cause any more of a disruption, Lily decided to tidy her workspace too, and make her way up to the dormitory with (F/N). They both craved sleep and so they promised themselves they would sacrifice some sleep tomorrow if it meant completing any hitherto unfinished homework.

(F/N) almost felt inclined to climb straight into bed without bothering to change into her pyjamas. Her body ached and her mind throbbed, and she just wanted to enter a state of total shutdown. Lily looked as though she felt the same; her hair had started to stick up in places it shouldn’t, her skin had become paler, and the circles under her eyes had darkened; she had even started nibbling on her nails during class, and twiddling her hair while working which was something (F/N) had also taken to doing.

And, (F/N) reminded herself, it was only their second week.

The next few weeks flew by much too quickly for her liking as well, and before she knew it she was hearing all about how Gryffindor beat Hufflepuff in the first Quidditch match of the season, how Davey Gudgeon had tried to get close to the Whomping Willow again and how the teachers – McGonagall especially – had plans to give them as much homework as humanly possible over Christmas.

Before she knew it, (F/N) was making plans to go home to Spindlewood Common for the holidays. She and Lily had drawn up revision timetables together and had every intention of sticking to them even when they were at home. There was no time to lose, in their opinion, and so they devoted almost every second they could to schoolwork. (F/N) even had her nose in a book on the Hogwarts Express, which she later thought would have been an excellent way of distracting herself from Severus who had, again, chosen to sit next to her on the way back to King’s Cross. At least, it would have been a useful distraction if not for the fact that he kept engaging her in such conversations as:

“You’ll go cross-eyed if you’re not careful,”

“I need to study as much as I can …”

Without looking, (F/N) could tell he was smirking. “You’re top of nearly every class, and the classes you’re not at the top of, you’re _joint_ top with someone,”

(F/N) blushed. “But if I stop studying I’ll fall behind. There’s half a year between now and our exams, I could drop three grades by then!”

Severus hadn’t said anything to that but had waited a few minutes before confiscating the book and opening it at a random page. (F/N) stared indignantly at him.

“Um … I don’t know if you noticed, but I was reading that,”

“Mm-hm,” he hummed. “I noticed,”

(F/N) waited a moment before trying to take it back. Severus, being much taller and having longer arms than (F/N), held it safely out of her reach.

“Sev, please give me back my book …” she pleaded. This behaviour was very unlike him, but she thought he must have taken an interest because she had been frantically reading their Potions textbook.

He analysed her with those dark, piercing eyes and (F/N) forced herself to look away. He’d see right through her, otherwise …

Severus looked at the page he’d saved, scanned the text, and asked, “Who invented the Pepperup Potion?”

(F/N) blinked stupidly at him, struggling to process the fact that he was _quizzing_ her. “… Glover Hipworth,”

“More detail,”

(F/N) felt slightly put-off by the fact that Severus was quite clearly not reading the textbook himself but watching her over the top of it instead. All she could see were his eyes and her stomach did a little somersault when she noticed how his attention was solely on her. Edith and Haydn were too busy talking to each other to recognise (F/N)’s predicament.

(F/N) fell silent, knowing what Severus was asking for but simultaneously being too nervous to answer. His only prompt was a discreet quirk of an eyebrow, not meant to signify impatience but to indicate she was taking too long for someone who had apparently been desperate to absorb all the information she could.

“Glover Hipworth invented the Pepperup Potion sometime between the mid eighteenth and early nineteenth century, basing his work on existing research by Linfred of Stinchcombe who, in the twelfth century, developed a very basic remedy for the common cold,” (F/N) said, reciting what she knew from the top of her head and hardly stopping to breathe.

She dared to glance at Severus again and was relieved to see that his eyes were not quite as hard as they had been a minute ago. In fact, they had softened quite considerably. He nodded in one single, fluid motion.

“At least you didn’t parrot the book word for word,” he said.

“Was any of it right, though? Did I get the dates wrong …?”

“And I thought my standards were high,” Severus said, as he lowered the book to look at (F/N) properly. “Relax, would you?”

(F/N) fidgeted uncomfortably in her seat and sighed, but nodded all the same. She held out a hand, silently asking for her book again, and when she got it she put it straight back in her bag. “Thank you for quizzing me,”

Severus didn’t say anything to that either, but (F/N) could sense that he was still watching her, even as she stared out of the window at the blurry countryside. After a minute or two, she felt her usual cheeky spirit returning and she swivelled in her seat to look at him again.

“Maybe I should practise Transfiguration instead,” she said. “I wonder if Cicero wants to be turned into a water goblet again,”

“Don’t make me take your wand instead,” Severus grumbled. He, himself, looked tired of studying, so it was no wonder he was trying so hard to prevent (F/N) from doing it right next to him.

(F/N) smirked at him. “I’d like to see you try,”

He smirked back.

(F/N) didn’t transfigure Cicero into a water goblet. She didn’t even think about the homework she had to do when she arrived home. Lily returned to their compartment with only half an hour to go before the Hogwarts Express drew into King’s Cross, and she looked so frazzled that it was immediately clear who needed the winter break the most.

Things became very strange for (F/N) when she arrived home with Auntie Beth, however. The phone rang within minutes of them setting foot inside the house, and Auntie Beth ushered (F/N) up to her room before she answered it. Thinking it very odd that Auntie Beth would want (F/N) out of the room before she spoke to whoever was on the other end of the line, (F/N) started to unpack her trunk and her travelling bag and changed into her pyjamas, for it had been a very long day indeed.

Auntie Beth’s phone call seemed to drag on for hours and, while (F/N) reminded herself not to think and behave like a small child, she wished whoever it was who had called would hang up already so that she could spend some time with her aunt. The sun set fully while she was still pottering around her room, and at long last (F/N) decided to get cracking with some homework before she completely lost the will to do any at all. She managed to finish her Potions and Herbology essays by the time Auntie Beth called her for dinner.

When she went downstairs, (F/N) could not figure out what was amiss. Something was definitely the matter, but Auntie Beth seemed as cheerful as ever. It was quite … unsettling. (F/N) did her best to ignore the strange feeling in the pit of her stomach, and that which nagged away at the back of her mind. Desperately trying to think of anything else, (F/N) was not pleased to find that the first thing her brain latched onto was a daydream about Severus, which she quickly snapped out of.

That night was filled with odd dreams of no obvious significance, and (F/N) woke the next morning feeling very abnormal indeed but found herself unable to recall anything she’d seen in the dreams. Her day only seemed to spiral out of control after that point, because Eddie came over straight after breakfast (scrambled eggs on toast, which was nice and normal) to give her what she considered very grave news indeed.

“So … uh … I’ve been expelled from school,” he said, clearly having decided not to beat about the bush. (F/N) almost choked.

“You’ve _what?!”_ she cried. “Oh, _Eddie!_ What happened?!”

Eddie smiled sheepishly and ran a hand – a hand that was trembling, (F/N) noticed – through his unruly blond hair. “Please don’t worry,” he said, nodding with understanding as (F/N) snorted in response – _how could she_ not _worry?_ – and doing his best to look as though he felt guilty about the whole affair. “Mum and Dad said I can start working for them. I’m sixteen already, aren’t I?”

(F/N) frowned at him. Yes, he was sixteen; his birthday was in October. But that didn’t mean he should necessarily leave school without some qualifications under his belt …

“Listen, I know whatever I say won’t wash with you, but Mum and Dad said that there’s an academy of some kind for people who want to go into their line of work,”

(F/N) felt her heart beginning to beat just a little more calmly on hearing that. At least Eddie could continue with his education some other way …

“But what did you _do?”_ she pushed, anxious to hear what could possibly have got her childhood friend kicked out of school.

Eddie chuckled. “I just never do as I’m told. I’ve told you before, I never liked it there,”

(F/N) sighed. “I know, Ed, but … You can’t just keep horsing around all the time …”

“Who said I was horsing around?” he said, raising an eyebrow. He sounded playful rather than indignant, however.

“You’re _always_ horsing around!” (F/N) laughed, nudging him. “Well, if nothing else you do look happier than you did a year ago,”

Eddie smiled gently at her and patted her knee. “Thanks, (F/N). You know, having your understanding makes the trouble I’ve been in a lot easier to suck up,”

(F/N) was surprised to hear this, but even more surprised when Eddie stood and thanked her and Auntie Beth for having him, however briefly. “You’re going? Already?” she asked.

“Yeah …” said Eddie apologetically. “I’ve got a lot of forms to fill out before I can go to this other school my parents mentioned, if I’m going to be able to start in the new term,”

“Oh, won’t you be a long way behind everyone else, though?” said (F/N) worriedly. Eddie’s trademark grin appeared on his face in a flash.

“No, actually!” he said happily. “Mum and Dad said the average enrolment age is sixteen or seventeen anyway, so I might even end up being ahead of some of the others,”

“Oh! Well, then … Good luck, I guess,” said (F/N), seeing him to the door. Eddie smiled down at her and gave her hand a quick squeeze.

“You too,” he said, and then set off up the path. (F/N) went back inside before she could see the top of his head bobbing along the top of the hedge next door.

(F/N) tried her hardest to busy herself with schoolwork up until Christmas Day actually arrived. She had been looking forward to seeing and spending time with Auntie Beth, but these days the phone didn’t ever seem to stop ringing and, as far as (F/N) could tell, it was the same person – or people – every time. Auntie Beth still shooed (F/N) out of the room when she was on the phone, and (F/N) would have been lying if she’d said that, by the end of the first week back home, it wasn’t getting a bit lonely sitting in her room on her own with only Cicero and a pile of books and parchment for company.

Several letters arrived from her friends just before Christmas, which helped to take (F/N)’s mind off things. What with Auntie Beth’s mysterious secret phone calls and Eddie being expelled, all of her homework and the seemingly inescapable reminders that she was infatuated with her friend who would probably never feel the same way, (F/N) was beginning to feel quite overwhelmed and she wasn’t even at Hogwarts at the moment.

Her first reaction to everything was to hide from it. She asked herself how on earth she would do that, and her mind decided – almost instantaneously – that she could sleep for long hours to avoid thinking about any of it. Her better judgment kicked in just in time though, because she still had homework and revision to do and besides, her worries would always follow her into her dreams no matter how hard she tried to forget about them, if only temporarily.

Overall, it was a nice, quiet Christmas spent with her aunt, but when the time came for (F/N) to return to school she felt as though she hadn’t had any kind of holiday at all. She resigned herself to the belief that this was simply a fact of being a fifth-year student …

Back at Hogwarts, things seemed very bleak indeed. The skies above the castle were nearly always some kind of grey and threatened either rain or sleet on the daily. The corridors were bitterly cold and some days it was all (F/N) could do to dip her quill in ink, let alone write with it.

Studying in the Gryffindor common room was a lot better than being in some of the classrooms because of the great, roaring fire but, if only to prevent herself from falling into an abyss of despair, (F/N) reminded herself that not all of the classrooms were that bad: Professors McGonagall and Flitwick had somehow managed to make their classrooms warm; Potions classes, although held in the dungeons still, were manageable purely for the happy fact that they could warm their cold hands next to their cauldrons; Divination was held in a classroom that was perpetually toasty anyway, so people flocked to Professor Moran’s classes with even greater haste than usual.

It broke (F/N)’s heart to admit it to herself, but at the moment she dreaded going to Care of Magical Creatures. It was far too cold for anyone to be happy spending an hour outside, and (F/N) would have preferred to keep her outdoor wanderings limited to caring for Aeolus, but Professor Kettleburn’s class was one of her favourites and she didn’t want her grades to slip because she wouldn’t attend on account of the cold. So, on the days they absolutely had to go outside, everyone bundled up extra warm with extra jumpers and gloves and scarves and held their winter cloaks tightly to their bodies.

It didn’t matter how cold or miserable it got, though, because Quidditch training and matches carried on regardless. (F/N) sometimes saw the players for each team practising, either as she walked through the castle or as she spied them through a window as she worked. Potter was as arrogant as ever, strutting about the school and boasting of his own talent to whoever would listen. Nine times out of ten it was for the benefit of a group of giggling girls, but Potter seemed more intent than ever on winning Lily’s favour.

The only problem was, he was going completely the wrong way about it.

“He gets cockier every day,” Lily grumbled as they slaved away over their latest Defence Against the Dark Arts assignment, one cold, dreary day in February. “Did you know, he practically demanded I go to Hogsmeade with him next Saturday?”

(F/N) gave a short laugh of disbelief, crossing out a word as she did so. The following Saturday was Valentine’s Day, so she couldn’t say she was surprised that Potter had asked Lily out again. “ _Demanded,_ did he? He’s abhorrent,”

Lily nodded vigorously. “Tell me about it. All he ever does is swan about the school, ruffling his hair as if to make himself look cool, and faffing about with that stupid Snitch of his,”

(F/N) grinned. It was true, she thought – that _was_ all he seemed to do these days, but she knew better. She had overheard him and his friends talking a little too loudly about their designs on becoming Animagi when they thought they were alone, treating a secluded corner of the library as though it were a hub for social gatherings. She had remained silent and still, hardly daring to turn the page of whichever book she was studying from and waited until they left before departing herself. She hadn’t mentioned anything to any of the teachers either, because what business was it of hers if they decided to try a tricky bit of magic like becoming Animagi? The only problem would be if they were to fail to register themselves as such, but that was none of her concern either.

_Let_ them get into trouble, she thought.

Still, though, (F/N) couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to be an Animagus herself. She wondered what her animal form would be, and she was not ashamed to admit that she would rather undertake an exciting experiment like that than sit about studying all day. She resisted the urge to look the subject up and went dutifully back to her books and essays.

As February faded seamlessly into an equally chilly and barren March, (F/N) began to notice a change in Severus. She hardly saw him these days, except during Gryffindor/Slytherin classes, because he was either lost in his own studies or … elsewhere. She had no idea where he went every day, but he didn’t even come down to visit Aeolus anymore. She couldn’t blame him – his exams were far more important – but she couldn’t help worrying.

It was Lily, however, who drew (F/N)’s attention to what really seemed to be going on with Severus. It seemed to be one of the perks of her status as Prefect that she had a good idea of what went on around the school from day to day. When (F/N) asked if Lily had seen their friend, Lily’s expression had fallen and she said, “Doing his best to avoid Black and Potter and the rest, I think …”

(F/N)’s brow furrowed with concern. “Has it been really bad lately? I haven’t seen Sev very much recently, so I had no idea …”

“He prefers to hide it,” said Lily. Her voice was, oddly, a mixture of worry for her friend and slight dismissal of the subject at hand. “He doesn’t like anyone to know that he’s being picked on to the point of having to go to Madam Pomfrey, but we Prefects see and hear _everything_. I’d like to point out, though, that Lupin stays well away from the drama these days. Conveniently,”

(F/N) was horrified, but managed to say, “I thought it would have been the opposite; wouldn’t people try to keep things quiet around you lot?”

Lily, herself, managed a small smile. “Apparently not,” she said. “Anyway, I’ve asked Severus about it and he says he’s fine,”

Again, (F/N)’s brow furrowed. Something wasn’t right. “Is everything okay between you two?” she ventured.

Lily sighed and put down her quill, stretched her arms and then started fiddling with her long, red ponytail. “I don’t know …” she replied after some thought. “He’s been very distant these last few weeks. I think it’s got something to do with those horrible boys in his house he hangs around with when he’s not with us …”

(F/N) took a deep breath and nodded her head in a nonchalant side-to-side motion. Severus was entitled to have other friends, of course, but she knew exactly what Lily meant. The likes of Avery and Mulciber and Nott had started playing around with all sorts of dark magic that really ought not to concern fifteen and sixteen-year-old students. (F/N) had to admit – to herself, at least – that she had been worried about Severus’ association with them as well, but again she realised he was perfectly at liberty to befriend whoever he pleased.

Lily went on to give details of a conversation she’d had with Severus about a week ago, about how she was worried about him and how she thought his Slytherin friends were a rotten bunch, thinking it was all very good fun to use dark magic on poor Mary McDonald and see what happened. (F/N) remembered the incident, even though she hadn’t been there at the time, because word travelled fast at Hogwarts. Mary had only just been discharged from Madam Pomfrey’s care but wouldn’t say _exactly_ what had been done to her.

(F/N) listened in grave silence as Lily recounted Severus’ lackadaisical attitude towards the whole affair, and how he, too, had said it was only meant as a joke. Apparently he had been worried about his friendship with her, asking if they were still best friends.

“And we _are_ _,_ (F/N), but I’m so scared of him taking the wrong path with the wrong people …” she said, rubbing her eyes in frustration.

(F/N) reached out and gently took hold of one of Lily’s hands, rubbing the back with her thumb. “I know, Lil. I’m sure he’ll be all right, though. Severus is a good guy … I just think he feels that being part of a big group will be good for him right now,”

Lily looked up at her best friend with her bright green eyes and blinked. “I … didn’t actually think of that,” she said honestly. “Geez, and I thought I had a pretty good handle on him …”

(F/N) laughed. “Lily Evans, I don’t think anyone could know Severus Snape better than you do,”

Lily swatted (F/N)’s arm playfully. “You think too little of yourself. Do you know how hard it is for him to open up – to _anyone?_ I know it took a couple of years, but he really does value your friendship,”

(F/N) felt her chest swell with pride. Did he really think so highly of her? If so, that was wonderful …

“Anyway, you shouldn’t worry,” said (F/N), sobering up quite quickly. “We’ll look after him,”

Lily smiled, her expression becoming the definition of happiness. “Yeah, we will,”

As the weeks went by, (F/N) seemed to see less and less of her friends but out of all of them, Lily was the one she could always turn to at the end of the day. It was a relief to know, once they’d griped about their days, that even though one of them was a Prefect and the other an ordinary student, they both had the same grievances and similar advice to give.

One Sunday afternoon, the finest they’d seen in months, (F/N) had made her way down to the Forbidden Forest to visit Aeolus. A break in homework and revision commitments had allowed her some free time, so she decided to go out and get some fresh air while the weather was less hostile. She found the glade very easily, having made the journey many, many times since Aeolus’ hatching, but couldn’t have been more surprised to see that somebody was already there with him.

“Hello, stranger,” she said, walking up to him.

Severus turned on a pivot. “You see me in class,” he pointed out.

“Class is class. I feel like we haven’t spoken in a year,” she retorted while wearing a little smirk. “A year on Jupiter, that is,”

Aeolus came trotting merrily over to her and nudged her so hard she almost fell right into Severus, but she righted herself just before the moment of collision.

“Well, we’ve all been busy,” he said quietly.

“I know,” said (F/N). “How’ve you been?”

“So-so,” said Severus. “You?”

“Not bad, all things considered,” (F/N) chuckled. The awkwardness of their small-talk was not lost on her, but that had always seemed to be Severus’ style so she went along with it. “What were you doing out here, anyway?”

“I knew you’d be down at some point,”

(F/N) turned to face him, depriving Aeolus of his greatly-anticipated fusses and making him squawk indignantly. “Don’t tell me you came to see _me,”_ she teased, grinning up at him.

Severus tutted and rolled his eyes. “Lily said you were asking after me,”

(F/N) couldn’t help but wonder how it came to be that Lily, who was in the same house as her, still managed to meet up with Severus, who was a Slytherin, among all of her other responsibilities.

“You’ve been working too hard,” he said, startling her. “Just put your books down sometime and sit with us for a bit,”

(F/N)’s eyes were as wide as dinner plates. She hadn’t even been looking at him and he’d seen straight through her. What else had he seen?

“Nothing else,” he said with a small smirk of his own. “I wouldn’t be so rude as to invade _all_ of your private thoughts,”

(F/N) turned and glared at him for a second but couldn’t keep it up. She knew he was right; she did need to make more time for everyone. “Just as long as you keep your word on that,” she chuckled.

“My word is my bond,” he said, with a slightly amused undertone.

He helped (F/N) with Aeolus’ feeding and exercise, following him around the clearing as though he were a horse on a lunge. It gave the young friends a chance to talk and catch up on what they’d missed, and (F/N) was pleasantly surprised to find that the Severus walking alongside her now was no different to the one she’d known a few months ago, in spite of the company he kept in her absence and Lily’s.

(F/N) came away from the forest feeling very content indeed, and not at all awkward as Severus walked back up to the castle with her for lunch. Lily was already there waiting for them, and Severus joined them for once instead of going straight to his ‘gang’ of Slytherins. Avery, Mulciber and the rest eyed them in a way that made (F/N) feel distinctly uncomfortable and, even though she was sure Lily had noticed too, she was reasonably certain that her friend was perhaps beginning to hold Severus at arm’s length.

“I just feel like he’s drifting away, and I don’t want that, but if he’s intent on going down this path …”

“What path is that?” asked (F/N), analysing Lily’s face for clues as to what she was thinking, although she thought she knew already. They were sitting in the common room and everyone had already gone to bed. (F/N) had decided to ask why Lily seemed to be distancing herself from Severus, even if she didn’t make it obvious.

“Well, they all want to be Death Eaters, don’t they? They want to run off and join Voldemort after Hogwarts …”

(F/N) knew it was true but still tried very hard to ignore the awful twisting sensation in her stomach. She didn’t say anything, knowing Lily wanted to vent her frustrations.

“You know, I feel terrible saying this, but Julie and Cathy, Sylvie and Evelyn have all asked me – on _separate occasions_ – why you and I even talk to him still, especially after that incident with Mary …”

Sylvie was one of Mary’s roommates, so it stood to reason that she would be even more concerned than everyone else. _She_ would be one of the girls to see Mary at her most vulnerable; as she slept, for instance. Again, (F/N) felt a twinge of intense sadness.

“I’ve been making excuses for him for so long now, and I just feel as though I’m fighting a losing battle,” she said exasperatedly, running her fingers through her thick, dark red hair. “I guess I can only hope he changes his mind,”

(F/N) nodded slowly and gave her friend a sad little smile. Lily looked back into her (E/C) eyes and did the same.

“I’m sorry,” she said, shaking her head. “I know this puts you in a really awkward spot,”

“No, do _not_ apologise,” said (F/N) adamantly. “It’s the way you feel, and I’ll always listen,”

Lily smiled. “You’re good to me, (F/N) Castor,” she said warmly, her voice full to bursting with affection. “You know you can come to me about anything as well, don’t you?”

“Of course,” said (F/N) sweetly. “Anyway, the game isn’t over yet. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt, eh?”

Again Lily smiled. She seemed very happy with this suggestion, and (F/N) could tell that the expression she wore was that of a person whose mind was at ease. Lily nodded and stood up. “We should get to bed,” she said, yawning and stretching. “Double Transfiguration tomorrow morning,”

(F/N) complied and they made their way to the dormitories. They were halfway up the stairs when they came to an abrupt standstill, distracted by raucous laughter and a lot of talking back in the common room.

“Excellent, Padfoot, really excellent!” cheered none other than James Potter, whose voice was very easy to recognise.

“I did all right then, did I?” laughed Sirius Black. “Ah, the look on Wormtail’s face …”

(F/N) looked up at Lily, who stood on the step above her, and cocked a quizzical eyebrow. Lily shrugged her shoulders, shaking her head vigorously to indicate just how baffled she was to overhear this bizarre conversation.

“You should probably keep your voices down …” said Lupin, unmistakably. His soft, quiet voice was leagues apart from those of Black and Potter. “Castor and Evans sometimes stay up late …”

“Chill out, Moony,” said Potter jovially. “If they’re not sitting here, they’re in bed,”

(F/N) and Lily didn’t stick around any longer to try and find out what they were talking about to get them so excited. Hearing Lupin mention their names was enough to make them want to get out of dodge, even if boys couldn’t climb the girls’ dormitory staircase. When they reached the fifth-year girls’ rooms, they went inside, shut the door, then stared at each other for a good few silent seconds.

“What _were_ they on about?” Lily whispered urgently, careful not to wake the others.

“Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot …” (F/N) recited, mulling it over as many times as she could.

“They’ve obviously got silly nicknames for each other now, haven’t they?” Lily said, going over to her bed and sitting down.

(F/N) did the same on hers, sitting facing Lily. She was quiet for a few more seconds, then said, “Then they’ve done it,”

“Done what?”

“They’ve made the potion I was talking about …” (F/N) prompted, careful not to say too much. She was sure the other three girls were asleep, but she didn’t want to take any risks. Lily’s eyes widened greatly, and she quickly placed a hand over her mouth to muffle her sudden gasp.

“Who _knows_ what sort of mischief they’ll get up to now!” she hissed, once she regained her composure. “That is some big-time bad news for Gryffindor …”

(F/N) rolled her eyes and shrugged, clearly meaning to indicate that it really was none of her concern, or Lily’s. Both girls sighed gently.

“As if going around using Levicorpus on people all the time isn’t bad enough,” said (F/N) grimly. This particular spell had really taken off that year, and you could hardly walk the school corridors for even a minute without being hoisted into the air by forces unseen. Thankfully, neither she or Lily made for good victims of this prank so they were mostly left alone, although sometimes they would face the threat of it if someone felt brave enough.

(F/N) and Lily got ready for bed and, as a nod to their fatigue, both fell asleep very quickly. (F/N), however, had brewed a Potion for Dreamless Sleep in one of Professor Slughorn’s classes both for practice and for actual use. She had found, with exams creeping ever closer, that her strange dreams had intensified and recently she had been waking up feeling as though she hadn’t slept at all. She made enough potion to last her quite a long time, if she took it carefully and didn’t go crazy with it, and her last thought every night before she took some was unbidden and uncontrollable but very happy all the same – her mind would cast itself back to how impressed Severus looked when (F/N) poured the purple potion into a bottle and had it declared by Slughorn to be fit for consumption.

Then, sleep would always consume her in turn.


	29. Chapter 29

The bleak, dreary spring decided, almost overnight, to become bright, vibrantly colourful and very warm. The rest of March was delightful, giving a new lease of life to the fifth and seventh-year students who were studying for their respective exams. April was much the same, although warmer, and about halfway through the month Lily received a bit of news from her parents that made her very happy indeed.

“(F/N) …” she said, prodding her so sharply that (F/N) missed her bowl of cornflakes, and scattered sugar all over the table and her uniform.

“What is it?” (F/N) asked, gazing uselessly and mournfully at the mess she’d made. She was still half-asleep, so she couldn’t be bothered to clean up after herself. As long as she didn’t have sugar granules in her bag – which was sitting under the table – she could go about her day as if nothing had happened.

(F/N) turned to see Lily jigging excitedly in her seat, holding a letter that was delivered to her minutes earlier by the school owl Lily often used for deliveries. “Mum and Dad say Petunia’s going on holiday with one of her schoolmates in one of the last weeks of summer!” she squeaked.

(F/N) was very confused, but she wasn’t convinced that part of the reason for that wasn’t her current state of near-death. She rubbed her still-bleary eyes – why did school have to start at such an outrageous hour?

Seeing that (F/N) was stumped, Lily kindly elaborated. “They’ve asked if _you’d_ like to stay for a few days, since you and your aunt had me to stay last year!”

(F/N) finally understood and the smile that appeared on her face was as wide as it was radiant. “Oh, _really?”_ she said, forgetting all about her breakfast. “Lil, that would be wonderful – if it’s no trouble, of course …!”

“Of course it won’t be any trouble!” she said, beaming back at her. “I’ll write back to them this evening and let them know, and you can write to your aunt and ask if you can come,”

(F/N) and Lily were in extremely high spirits for the rest of the day, and no amount of Marauding or revising or working could dampen them. At one point during Potions that afternoon, Severus simply _had_ to ask what they were so cheerful about but when (F/N) told him – being the one to sit next to him – even he seemed pleased.

“Maybe we could all meet up,” he said, in his usual blank, indifferent way, but (F/N) could tell this was something he would like very much. Lily had told her before that (F/N) doubted far too much how good a friend Severus considered her.

“Yeah … Maybe,” she replied with a smile, trying very hard to mask the deep blush creeping into her cheeks, by letting her hair fall around her face like a (H/C) veil.

By May, everyone in (F/N)’s year was beginning to feel as though their doom was fast approaching. Everyone, except for Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs, as they now called themselves. (F/N) had said to Lily on one occasion that Potter must have been Prongs because they had overheard all three other nicknames that night they’d eavesdropped from the stairs. Lily had scoffed, saying how silly it was that they’d given each other ‘pet names’ as she scathingly referred to them.

The teachers hadn’t stopped giving them huge piles of homework and revision assignments to complete but at least they weren’t giving them _more_ than usual. (F/N) thought. She had just about settled into a comfortable schedule that allowed for study _and_ socialisation, and she had even grown used to the amount of sleep she was now getting. What she _wasn’t_ used to were all the tests they were having to sit during their different classes, which were often referred to as mock examinations. Professor McGonagall had explained that it was no good knowing the answers to questions alone – if they didn’t have good exam technique, they may well end up floundering halfway through an exam, whether practical or theory, and wasting valuable time.

(F/N), just like everyone else, was really starting to feel the pressure, though. She had to admit that the distinct lack of other distractions – namely Patty Nolan – was a very welcome thing indeed, but she was missing the normal aspects of being a student at Hogwarts. Hardly anyone in her year went to Hogsmeade at weekends, and she still hadn’t been to any Quidditch matches that year (although she had heard that Gryffindor was doing very well). She hadn’t even had time to visit Hagrid, which was something she had made a point of doing since Aeolus’ hatching, as they had become quite close.

As May came to an end, (F/N) felt sure she was going to have a heart attack. She had known perfectly well when their exams would be (June), yet they seemed to have snuck up on her. Everyone had been given their exam timetables and that made it terrifyingly real. (F/N) went over it, again and again, until she had _that_ memorised as well. Thankfully, it was Charms on the first Monday, and that was one of the subjects she felt most comfortable in. Lily seemed quite at ease, too.

“You know, we’ve been revising every day since we came back after Christmas,” said Lily reasonably, on the Sunday evening after dinner. “Maybe we should just take this evening to clear our minds …”

(F/N) felt as though clearing her mind would see absolutely everything she knew about magic leak out of her ears. Lily must have known what was on her mind though, because she laughed.

“Come on, it can’t hurt,” she said. “Anyway, what good is cramming going to do us?”

(F/N) managed to smile, with a little bit of effort. After a bit more prodding from Lily she finally agreed to put away her books and sit in the common room, chatting and simply existing. It wasn’t long, though, before a crowd of fifth-years came into the tower and made their way to their beds. Lily and (F/N) both thought it sensible to get a good night’s sleep as well.

(F/N) took her potion as usual and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep. She awoke the next morning feeling physically and mentally well, but as soon as she remembered what day it was she nearly threw up all over her bedspread.

“(F/N), are you okay? You look a little green,” said Cathy, casting her eye over the other girls for comparison.

“Just nervous,” said (F/N) quickly.

Cathy gave her a very sympathetic smile. “You’ll be all right,” she said with a chuckle. “It was you and Lily who Flitwick asked to help the rest of us on our _very first day_ ,”

(F/N) remembered that quite vividly, now that she’d been reminded. It didn’t help to calm her nerves at all, but she thought there was at least a glimmer of hope on the horizon that their exam paper wouldn’t be absolutely dreadful. She didn’t much feel like getting dressed or brushing her hair, but she forced herself to don her school robes and she let Lily do her hair (after a lot of persuasion). (F/N) didn’t have much of an appetite either and she was glad to see that quite a lot of other students seemed to feel the same. She was just about to sink into a trance, to escape into her own world for ten minutes, when suddenly her attention was drawn to the piece of toast floating in the air in front of her.

“What the hell –?”

“Eat,” said Lily sternly. (F/N) looked at her and realised she had her wand out and was levitating the toast towards her mouth. “You won’t be able to think properly if you don’t,”

“I’m not hungry …” (F/N) protested.

“Neither am I!” said Lily crossly. “Am I going to have to force-feed you?”

(F/N)’s eyes grew very wide, very quickly. Awful memories flooded her mind …

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” Lily cried, flinging her arms around (F/N). “I didn’t mean –,”

“It’s okay,” said (F/N), plucking the toast out of the air and taking a bite out of it. “I know you never meant it like that,” She offered Lily the first smile she’d been able to muster that morning.

Lily was almost in tears. “I feel terrible …”

“ _Don’t,_ ” (F/N) insisted. “Please. You _should_ be able to make jokes like that; it’s not the fault of anyone here that bitch decided to do what she did to me,”

Lily was surprised; she had never heard (F/N) swear before. She knew she was right, though. “I just hope it didn’t hurt when I said it …” said Lily quietly.

“Not at all,” (F/N) fibbed. She didn’t want to make Lily feel any worse. “It just surprised me, that’s all,”

_That_ bit was true.

The examinations were to be held in the Great Hall so, after breakfast, all of the fifth-years headed outside and lined up quietly and ‘patiently’ according to which house they were in, and in alphabetical order. Quite a few of them stood jigging from side to side – (F/N) included – almost as if they were about to wet themselves. (F/N) wished for nothing more than to be standing next to Lily right now, if only for a bit of comfort.

She also would have liked to be standing a bit further away from Sirius Black, who kept turning and trying to catch his friends’ attention further down the line. Every time he did so, he would smirk at her. Thankfully, Haydn stood between them. He gently took (F/N)’s arm and gave it a reassuring little squeeze. She smiled up at him.

Standing parallel to the Gryffindors were the Slytherins. (F/N) turned her head slightly to see Edith standing almost directly opposite Haydn and she caught her eye. Edith gave her an encouraging wink, making (F/N) grin. Her eyes rolled over the other Slytherins in the queue until at last she reached Severus. He was a long way back, of course, but (F/N) was pleased that he looked as unperturbed as ever. He was clearly taking this a lot better than she was, at least. His quiet confidence was something no one else possessed.

The few minutes it took for the heads of house to arrive seemed like an age. When Professor McGonagall was finally standing in front of the Gryffindors, she did what looked to (F/N) like a silent, last-minute headcount and led them all inside again. Now, the long dinner tables were gone and had been replaced by four rows of individual desks. Each desk had question papers, ink and the special Anti-Cheating Quills the teachers had been promising them for the last six months.

Apparently, every year at least one student was foolish enough to try to cheat. (F/N)’s bet was on Pettigrew.

She sat down quietly and tried not to look around at the Slytherins filling the row next to the Gryffindors. So the seating arrangements _weren’t_ going to be the same as at mealtimes …

Professors Sprout and Slughorn left the Great Hall, while Professors Flitwick and McGonagall went to stand at the front. (F/N) hadn’t noticed them before, but two very old and wizened examiners (presumably from the Ministry) were standing a short way behind the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor heads. One was a balding, elderly wizard with a pince-nez balancing on his nose, and the other was a witch who looked positively ancient.

Their instructions were a bit of a blur to (F/N), and she had her quill in hand, ready to go, before she properly realised what was going on. Gathering herself, she opened her paper and read the first question: “What is the definition of an Amplifying Charm?”

Well, she knew that one – it was pretty self-explanatory. She scribbled her answer and gave the incantation for the spell and when it was invented, even though those details weren’t asked for. She flicked through the next few questions with ease and, in what felt like an instant, she had finished the paper and the examiners called time. (F/N) left the Great Hall feeling rather pleased with herself.

“How did you do on Question Nine?” asked Lily, as they made their way to the courtyard for a break. They didn’t know if it was standard, but they had been lucky enough to be given a half-hour break between their exam and lunchtime. It was just as well, they all thought, because they were absolutely starving.

_“How would one remove an Atmospheric Charm?”_ said (F/N), reciting the question for Lily just as Severus came up beside them. “Meteolojinx Recanto,”

Lily grinned. “I thought you might get that one,”

“Why is that?” said (F/N) with a smirk.

“You’re good with the tricky-sounding spells,” she said, rolling up the sleeves of her robes. “Took me three tries to get the right spelling,”

“Even so, Charms is your forte,” said (F/N) kindly. “Are you looking forward to the practical?”

Lily smiled sheepishly; (F/N)’s compliment had been entirely unexpected. “I guess so,” she said at length. “Depends what they ask us to do,”

As it turned out, the Charms practical exam was quite good fun. Everyone was called in pairs (Gryffindor and Slytherin, Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff) and this time they did not go in alphabetical order. They all had to wait in a room off the Great Hall, and (F/N) went out at the same time as Linda Sheehan. In the hall, the girls were presented with two locked chests.

“Your first task will be to open the chest,” said the old witch, who was supervising (F/N). She performed the first spell that came to mind.

“ _Cistem Aperio!”_ she said, pointing her wand at the chest and watching as it burst open with a bright white light. She looked up and saw the examiner nodding.

“Now,” said the woman. “Please observe the object inside and enlarge it,”

(F/N) looked inside the chest and noted the single apple sitting at the bottom. She pointed her wand at the apple (which was a bit on the small side) and said, _“Engorgio,”_ The apple swelled at a steady pace, with (F/N) keeping her wand trained on it so that it would not grow too quickly. She stopped it just as it grew to a size just small enough to remain snugly inside the chest. Next to her, Linda seemed to be attempting the same spell but there was suddenly an almighty crash as her apple exploded, destroying itself and its chest in the process.

The examiner overseeing (F/N)’s practical raised her eyebrows and turned back to her, shaking her head almost imperceptibly. “Now I would like to see you return it to its original size, or very close to, if you please,”

(F/N) nodded. _“Reducio,”_ she said, and steadily returned her apple to the size she thought it had been before.

Linda didn’t get that far. She was given a new apple after the first one exploded but confused the Shrinking Charm with the Reductor Curse and cried, _“Reducto!”_ rather than _“Reducio!”,_ and turned the new apple into a chunky paste. She was still picking bits of apple out of her hair at dinner that evening.

“Well, I’m feeling fairly confident about that one, anyway,” (F/N) chuckled, as she told Lily all about the exploding fruit episode. “I think Linda felt a bit embarrassed,”

“I would have,” said Lily with a grin. “When I got called in, old Professor Tofty was still wiping pulp off his glasses,”

“Still, I don’t think she’ll be the first _or_ the last person to do that,” said (F/N) sagely, dipping a bit of bread into her soup. “I did feel bad for her,”

“But she was one of Nolan’s friends …” said Lily quietly.

“Still … I know Linda studied harder than any of Nolan’s other cronies,”

Lily nodded in reluctant agreement. “I suppose it could happen to any of us over the next couple of weeks,”

(F/N) concurred. She didn’t want to think about the rest of the exams to come, but at least one was out of the way. She slept quite well that night and had a very amusing dream about throwing different fruits into the air and making them burst like fireworks. It was a very colourful dream and she felt sure she could still smell oranges when she woke up next morning.

Tuesday heralded their Transfiguration exams. The day followed the same schedule as the one before, but (F/N) thought the written paper was quite a bit harder than Charms. Still, she gave it a very good stab and felt reasonably calm afterwards. Her practical exam went far better though, because she was called into the hall with a Ravenclaw called Isaac Furnival this time, and was asked to conjure a bouquet of flowers. Extra points were to be awarded for the beauty of the flowers.

However, just as she was about to perform the spell, Professor Tofty (who was observing her today) began to splutter almost uncontrollably. “Dreadfully … sorry …” he wheezed, plucking a handkerchief from his pocket and holding it to his mouth. “Just a … dry … *cough* … throat …”

Thinking fast, (F/N) turned Cicero (whom she had brought along just in case he was needed for the exam) into a goblet and filled him with water using the Water-Making Spell, before giving him to Professor Tofty. The old professor was very grateful, and impressed, and let her off having to conjure any flowers. Professor McGonagall, who was standing off to one side to supervise as usual, was positively beaming.

(F/N) was so happy with the way it all turned out, though, that she conjured a flower anyway. It was a single purple iris, which she presented to Professor McGonagall as thanks for teaching her the spells that had been so useful that afternoon. (F/N) admitted to herself that she also wanted to show off a bit. Regardless, Professor McGonagall had been very taken with her gift.

Lily wouldn’t stop talking about it all evening. Apparently, Isaac had told Crispin all about it, who had told his sister Tabitha, who had told Yalina, and _she_ had told her cousin Faizan in Gryffindor and _that_ had been how Lily found out.

“Imagine, getting let off on the practical for doing another clever bit of magic, you jammy devil!” Lily gushed. “And there I was, having to turn the mouse that Cyril Partridge transfigured into a snuffbox into a rabbit and then back into a mouse,”

(F/N) smiled. “That’s not too bad,” she said.

“No, but you got to show off!” Lily giggled.

(F/N) laughed too. “And you didn’t?”

They went on for ages about whose magic was more impressive or more useful, but ultimately forgot all about it as they started a bit of last-minute revision for Herbology next day. (F/N) was glad she had decided to take out her books and notes again because by the end of the Herbology exams, she felt it might have gone a lot worse if she hadn’t.

(F/N) had grown nervous when she realised, during the Herbology practical, that she was standing right in front of a Snargaluff (a plant they wouldn’t learn to handle until the following year). She had been so preoccupied with _not_ provoking the plant into lashing out with its spiky tendrils that her Chinese Chomping Cabbage had taken the opportunity to try and snaffle some nearby Bouncing Bulbs. (F/N) almost had to stick her entire hand in the Cabbage’s ‘mouth’ to rescue one of the Bulbs. She felt quite embarrassed, especially because the Snargaluff tried to whip her anyway. She came away from the afternoon exam feeling as though she’d let herself down a bit, whereas the written exam had actually been all right …

Their Defence Against the Dark Arts exam came on the Thursday. As with Potions, Severus had been a great help to (F/N) while revising for this exam, since he seemed to know more about the subject than some of the seventh-years. (F/N) felt quite confident that day, because in her mind Defence Against the Dark Arts wasn’t so different from Charms or Transfiguration. At least, that was how she made it _seem_ easier to her.

In this particular written exam, no one was sat in alphabetical order. This was only something she noticed once she’d finished writing. She was simply going back through her paper, checking her answers and adding bits here and there, but every now and again she would look up and see what was going on. Ahead of her, Potter and Black were sitting casually at their desks, obviously having finished their own papers. (F/N) felt sure they would be wearing their trademark smirks, far too pleased with themselves for their own good. Lupin was still scribbling away with ten minutes to go until the end, and Pettigrew was staring at the Hufflepuff girl who was in turn staring wistfully at Sirius.

(F/N) didn’t dare look around to see if she could spot Lily, who was a few seats behind her. Haydn was even further ahead of her than Potter, and she could only just see the top of his shaggy blond head as he continued to slave over his paper. Instead, she cast a surreptitious glance over the rest of the hall to her left and searched for familiar people.

She should have known it would happen but her eyes fell immediately upon Severus, who was so _into_ the exam that he was writing so quickly his normally neat handwriting couldn’t have been more than a scribble, and if he peered any closer at the paper he’d bump his nose on the desk. (F/N) allowed herself a small smile; quite apart from her crush on him, she had always admired his intelligence and focus.

Afterwards, (F/N) reconvened briefly with Lily to let her know that she would join her and the other girls in their dormitory down by the lake for a break between exams, as soon as she returned the supplementary DADA theory book she borrowed from the library. It was already a day overdue and Madam Pince would go ape if she didn’t bring it back soon.

It must only have been fifteen minutes or so, but it felt like a lifetime getting to and from the library. This was only the case because Gilderoy Lockhart had practically thrown himself at (F/N) as she exited the library, and she spent the next god-knows-how-long trying to convince him to go and talk to his own friends. He was quite tall for a second-year and was also arrogant enough to think he could stop her from walking away if he leaned against the wall and pinned her there in front of him. It got to a point where, even though she hadn’t wanted to resort to this, she had threatened to hex the ever-loving you-know-what out of him if he didn’t back off.

He had stepped away, albeit reluctantly, but with a very irritating smirk on his face.

(F/N) had quite a distance to walk from that part of the castle to reach the spot by the lake where she would be meeting the other girls. It was a lovely day, very warm and without a cloud in the sky. There was no breeze to speak of, and most – if not all – students had shed their robes and were walking or lounging about in their shirts and whatever they wore on their bottom halves. Some people had even taken their shoes off.

She was just about to pass the entrance to the Great Hall again when someone stalked past in a great hurry. (F/N) almost didn’t recognise them, but the red hair gave them away almost instantly.

“Lil? Where are you going?”

Lily stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face (F/N), clearly not having realised who she’d just passed. Lily was obviously very angry about something, because her jaw was tightly clenched and her frown was so deep that the lines in her forehead were actually more like grooves.

“Oh, Lil … You look … _upset_. What happened?” said (F/N), approaching her best friend warily and gently taking her by the shoulders.

Lily gave a short, mirthless laugh, shaking her head quite violently as if she couldn’t believe whatever it was that plagued her. “You’ll probably hear all about it soon enough from those _clowns …_ ”

“Clowns? What clowns …?” (F/N) asked, feeling very confused. “You mean Potter and that lot?”

Lily nodded firmly. “Picking on Severus again, weren’t they?” she growled. “Throwing him around all over the place … and I was stupid enough to get involved …”

(F/N) was, by now, completely bewildered. She wanted to stride right out across the grounds and give those boys a good, solid piece of her mind, one they wouldn’t soon forget, but she was stopped short by Lily’s account of what happened.

“So then he said he didn’t need help from _“filthy little Mudbloods”_ like me,”

(F/N) nearly bit her tongue in half. “He said _what?!”_

Lily shook her head again, obviously as bemused as she was angry. “I know. I never thought he would say something so …” Lily began, but then she stopped herself.

“Disgusting? Disgraceful? Completely and utterly foul?” (F/N) spouted, noticing how her own feelings towards Severus were now becoming rather scrambled and uncertain. She was staring at Lily though, and wanted more than anything to make her feel better.

“It’s those people he hangs around with,” said Lily tonelessly. “But he’s chosen his path, and I’ve chosen mine. I won’t stand by someone who thinks that witches and wizards like me – Muggle-borns – are _‘filthy’_ …”

“Oh, Lil …” said (F/N) sadly, finding herself amidst all of her anger for Lily. “I don’t think he _really_ thinks that …”

“No, he probably doesn’t,” said Lily shortly. “But surely that makes it worse, not better?”

(F/N) was silent but nodded all the same. Lily was right.

“Listen …” said Lily, lowering her voice to little more than a whisper. “… We should probably start preparing for the exam this afternoon. Will you stay with me?” she asked. Suddenly, it all became very clear to (F/N); Lily felt very vulnerable.

“Of _course_ I will,” said (F/N).

***

Despite the warm weather, (F/N) and Lily went back to their dormitory and attempted to practise for the DADA practical that afternoon but soon reverted back to discussing what had happened between Lily, Severus and the Marauders.

(F/N) listened intently to Lily as she vented her anger but was pleased that she wasn’t _so_ upset that she needed to cry. (F/N) decided she wouldn’t have been able to contain her own anger if the situation at hand had made her best friend _cry._ The whole affair had left (F/N) with a very nasty feeling in the pit of her stomach though, the same kind of dread she would feel whenever she foresaw something negative in Divination.

She had a feeling this was the end of their friendship group … But what would that mean for her? She was extraordinarily angry with Severus, but he wouldn’t need to hear about how disappointed she was in him, as well as how Lily felt … It was only her feelings that mattered, now … _She_ was the one he offended …

“I guess what hurts more is the fact I’m not surprised,” Lily said, giving her pillow a good whack before finally deciding to lean on it. “I’ve said it before, but he’s been going down this road for ages now …”

(F/N) knew this but was still in shock that Severus had said something so awful to their best friend. She certainly hadn’t expected it of him, given how close he and Lily used to be. That aside, she thought he was better than that …

“You know …” said Lily, a lot gentler than before. “… I wouldn’t expect you to choose between us,”

(F/N) knew, by Lily’s low chuckle, that she must have looked very startled all of a sudden. Had her sadness been that obvious? Had her worries been written across her face in bright, flashing letters? “Lily, I’m always going to be on your side …” she began, but Lily cut her off.

“No, you’re his friend too,” she insisted. “We might be best friends, but this is my battle …”

“And I’m your right hand!” (F/N) interrupted, making Lily smile. “I was so angry when you told me the whole story – I would have thought all my swearing was proof enough – so how could I _not_ be on your side?”

Lily smiled softly. “You know how much I appreciate that, (F/N) …” she said. “… But I want to ask you a favour, while we’re still on this subject …”

“Of course …”

“However this ends with me and Severus, please don’t abandon him,” said Lily, her voice taking on a somewhat desperate tone and her eyes a beseeching look. “I don’t think I can be his friend anymore, but if he loses you too then he’ll have no one but those crooks he hangs out with now,”

(F/N) sat in silence, thinking long and hard about what Lily was asking of her. “But why would he need me to stick around?” she said. “The only reason we became friends is because of you,”

Lily smiled again. “You really don’t see it, do you?” she chuckled. “You always underestimate yourself and your worth in other people’s eyes … You’ve been friends with Severus for years now on your own merits. He likes you because you’re _you_ , not because you’re friends with _me,_ ”

(F/N) was quiet again but sighed instead of letting silence overwhelm the room. At length, she said, “All right. I won’t abandon him. But I won’t be silent if anything else is said, or if it turns out that any of what was said today is true,”

Lily laughed again, this time a little more heartily. “I bet you won’t!”

Feeling a bit happier, the girls made their way to lunch and made small talk about the upcoming exam, although not much. (F/N) couldn’t help carefully looking around the hall for any sign of Severus – she wasn’t sure if she wanted to see him to make herself feel better or to make herself angry again – but he wasn’t there. The emotion that did bubble up inside her was deep concern.

What had the Marauders done to him? She didn’t have long to find out …

Black and Potter sauntered into the Great Hall as they always did, with faces so smug literally anyone would want to slap them. Pettigrew trailed very closely behind, laughing shrilly at every joke. Lupin walked a short distance behind with his nose in a book; it was a miracle he didn’t bump into anyone or trip …

That gave (F/N) a very wicked idea, but she forced it into a cupboard in her mind and locked it away. She would behave herself … For now.

The Marauders didn’t approach Lily at all. (F/N) knew how Potter had asked Lily out again in the most obnoxious of ways, but Lily whispered that she thought they must have kept their distance because they would have had to possess the IQ of a troll to pick a fight while she was sitting there. (F/N) blushed; she hadn’t realised people thought that about her.

“Am I that scary?” (F/N) whispered back.

Lily laughed, surprising the Marauders (which both girls were very satisfied about). “No!” she giggled. “You’re just powerful. Who the hell would jinx someone who’s sitting next to the witch who can summon storms, whether she means to or not?”

(F/N) smirked. She supposed that was a good enough point to make; _she_ would be wary of someone like that. In fact, she _was_ wary of herself. Now that Lily had reminded her, (F/N) looked up at the enchanted ceiling and saw the remnants of a few wispy clouds being blown away by a breeze that no one could feel. Casting her mind back, she remembered that the sky beyond the dormitory window had been less sunny than earlier in the day.

She shuddered. She didn’t want to cause another fiasco like the one the year before …

As soon as lunch was finished, (F/N)’s entire year group went outside and waited once again to be called in for the exam. As usual, they would be taken to the room just off the hall. Just as they were about to go in, (F/N) spotted Severus sidling as inconspicuously as possible to the end of the Slytherin queue; he had come from the direction of the hospital wing, and simply wouldn’t look at anyone. A few people were looking at _him_ , though, and murmuring amongst themselves.

What _had_ happened to him? He looked dreadful …

(F/N) hadn’t approved of Lily calling him ‘Snivellus’ (which she had confessed to during the telling of her story) but calling Lily a Mudblood was abhorrent, in (F/N)’s opinion. She knew she was bound by her oath to Lily not to renounce her own friendship with Severus, but her feelings were so tangled, so twisted and warped, that she wasn’t entirely sure how to interpret them.

She hoped they would all become clearer as her mind defogged from the day’s trials, but what she did already know was that she was glad to have Lily’s blessing – she didn’t want to abandon Severus anyway, no matter how angry she was, and she was immensely relieved that Lily wouldn’t feel betrayed if she remained friends with him.

Their DADA practical was a lot of fun and did a very good job of taking Lily and (F/N)’s minds off the events that transpired earlier on. Their exam went almost like a duel, asking them to perform a variety of counter-jinxes and defensive spells. All in all, it was another exam that (F/N) thought had been quite successful.

That evening after dinner, (F/N) invited Lily along to visit Aeolus. Lily was too tired though, after the day she’d had, and was very apologetic about the fact that she wanted to just go up to the dormitory and read until bedtime. (F/N) understood, knowing she would have felt the same in Lily’s position, and made her way to the forest straight from the hall.

She spent a good couple of hours with Aeolus, who was extremely pleased to see her, and took delight in basking in the cool, quiet summer evening she’d been treated to. The air was heady, sweet and calm, and the only movement she could see, as she sat up against a tree trunk, was the flitting of a few fireflies and the swish of Aeolus’ tail as he sniffed about the glade.

By the time she thought to head back to Gryffindor Tower it was already slightly past curfew. (F/N) knew she had to hurry, because although certain teachers knew of her responsibilities regarding her hippogriff and allowed her to care for him (thanks to Dumbledore’s mercy), the school caretaker – Mr Filch – couldn’t have cared less and would stick her with a detention as soon as he, or that thrice-damned cat of his, clapped eyes on her.

It was not Filch or Mrs Norris who surprised her that evening, though. As she came up the stairs leading directly to the Fat Lady’s portrait, her eyes fell on the boy loitering right next to it. He looked up, startled, as soon as he heard her coming.

“Severus?” said (F/N), utterly nonplussed by his presence. What _was_ he doing there, where the Marauders could so easily find him?

“(F/N) …” he said quietly, by way of greeting. He did not go on to explain why he was there, so (F/N) asked, which then forced him to do so anyway. “I came to apologise to Lily,”

(F/N)’s eyes flickered with some nameless emotion as his words washed over her. Of _course_ he was there to apologise; she knew he’d feel the deepest remorse for his slur. She nodded slowly and said, “Does she know you’re here?”

Severus looked away, at some undefined point on the far wall behind (F/N). “McDonald passed me a few minutes ago … Said she’d tell Lily I’m outside …”

(F/N) nodded again, thinking it awfully good of Mary to do something like that for a friend of Mulciber, even though Severus hadn’t had much to do with her torment earlier on … other than knowing about it and thinking it was just a bit of a laugh.

“Hey, um …”

(F/N)’s eyes snapped back to Severus from where they had wandered to a painting of a toucan in a ten-gallon hat.

“Could you do me a favour?”

(F/N) studied Severus’ face very closely. He looked so … vulnerable, asking for her help. “What do you need?” she asked.

“If Lily doesn’t come out, do you think you could go and persuade her?” said Severus, shifting awkwardly on the spot. “… Please?”

(F/N) let out an almost inaudible sigh. If Lily didn’t want to come out then she didn’t want to come out – pure and simple. She could tell, though, even without him saying so, that Severus was pleading with her. “Sure,” she said.

Severus was quiet for a moment, then said in a voice barely more than a whisper, “Thank you,”

(F/N) gave him a small smile in return before tactfully taking her leave. “I’ll go and see what she’s up to,” she said, making her way to the portrait. “If she won’t come down I’ll come back myself …”

This time, Severus was the one who nodded.

“… Sev?”

Severus looked up, perplexed. _She_ still called him that … Did that mean they were still friends, even if he’d offended Lily? He held out hope that Lily would forgive him, but … it was a relief to hear (F/N) speaking to him normally, even if he didn’t act like it.

“… Promise me you won’t stay out here all night, like I _know_ you bloody well would,” said (F/N) with a slight grin. Severus crossed his arms, doing his best to look unimpressed. He kept his lips tightly pressed together, in what could almost be described as sulking as. “You’ve got exams just like the rest of us, and you’ve studied too damn hard to let it all go to waste because you slept in a corridor,”

Severus stared at (F/N) for a good few seconds, making her feel slightly uncomfortable under the weight of his dark gaze. Then, at last, he reluctantly said, “All right,”

_“Promise?”_

Severus rolled his eyes but didn’t cave to her. (F/N) laughed, a light, melodic tinkling sound that filled the corridor with a sudden happy energy.

“Whatever,” she chuckled. “If I don’t see you before, goodnight,”

“Goodnight,”

(F/N) didn’t bother to lower her voice as she gave the Fat Lady the password, knowing that Severus wasn’t the sort to use that information for ill, and went inside. Just as she was crossing the common room to the stairs, Lily bustled past in her dressing gown.

“Oh, hey!” said (F/N), surprised to have bumped into Lily ahead of time. “I suppose Mary’s been to see you already?”

Lily stopped dead in her tracks, looked at (F/N) and sighed. “I can’t bloody believe he’s been camping out there since after dinner,” she said crossly. “I’ve got to talk to him, or this will never be over,”

Upon hearing the note of finality in Lily’s voice, (F/N) felt a horribly sharp stinging in the general area of her stomach. This was it for Lily and Severus’ friendship, and (F/N) knew it. She also knew that Severus was going to take this very badly, in his own quiet, brooding way.

“You’ve got to do what you’ve got to do,” said (F/N) simply, shrugging her shoulders in an attempt to convey that, whatever advice Lily may seek on the matter, the proverbial ball was still very much in her court. (F/N) would always be there to support her, but she couldn’t tell her anything that would be of use or comfort now. Her own mind had wiped itself clean of all things that could be considered helpful at a time like this.

Lily gave (F/N) a weak smile before turning on her heels and marching out of the portrait hole. (F/N), unable to endure the wait for Lily’s return, spun quickly on the spot and sped off towards the dormitories. If this was how restless she felt, how must Lily and Severus be feeling?

Lily couldn’t have been out there any longer than ten minutes. When she came back, the first thing (F/N) noticed was how she looked even angrier than when she went outside. She flopped down onto her bed with (F/N) watching from hers, and firmly faceplanted the pillow. She looked furious _and_ exhausted.

“… How did it go?” (F/N) dared to ask, in the smallest, softest and mousiest voice she could muster.

Lily looked up and her green eyes were ablaze. She immediately launched into a very quiet (so as not to wake the other girls) but very heated tirade about the very little there was to say out in the corridor.

“And worst of all, I just don’t know if he even _got_ it!” Lily hissed, wrapping her dressing gown belt so tightly around her hand her fingers started turning purple. (F/N) had to walk over to Lily’s bed and untie her.

“Lil, _I_ think he got it,” said (F/N) gently. “How could he not? He looked wretched, and I know that doesn’t make things better, but I do think he knew what was coming. He just didn’t want it to be true,”

“Neither did I …” said Lily with notes of sadness, fury and pain in her voice. “… But as I said to you before, and as I said to him down there, he’s chosen his path and I’ve chosen mine. We’re very different now – _too_ different – and I won’t be party to any of the bad decisions he or his ‘friends’ make,”

(F/N) felt extremely guilty again. Would Lily come to begrudge her continued friendship with Severus after tonight? She asked her.

“What? _No,_ of course not!” Lily gasped, looking very alarmed. “(F/N), I know I shouldn’t say this because it isn’t your responsibility, and I know he probably doesn’t want _or_ need saving, but if anyone can stop him from going _completely_ off the rails it’s you. However strong my friendship with Severus used to be, _I_ wouldn’t ever have been strong enough to help him the way _you_ could,”

(F/N) was shocked. “What makes you think I’m ‘strong enough’ to help him in _any_ way…?” she whispered, hearing the tremor in her own voice. She decided against verbally doubting the strength of her friendship with Severus because Lily had told her so many times that he valued her, but what on earth was Lily thinking with regards to her somehow being ‘stronger’? “Lil, there’s no _way_ I’m stronger than you …”

“Call it a hunch,” said Lily, her expression and voice softening almost immediately. “You’re valuable to him now, but I’m sure that you’ll soon be _in_ valuable,”

(F/N) wasn’t sure how to respond, but her silence seemed to give Lily enough time to rid herself of her dressing gown, so that she was just in her pyjamas, and climb into bed. She gave a great yawn and snuggled down, indicating she was about five seconds away from falling asleep.

“Either way, (F/N) …” said Lily, sounding very sleepy indeed. (F/N) wasn’t sure how she could sleep so easily after what must still have been a rather jarring confrontation with her childhood friend. “… You’re beyond invaluable to _me,_ and I don’t know what I’d do without you. Please don’t ever stop being my friend,”

(F/N)’s heart broke, but in a good way. “You have my word that I will never leave you, Lily Evans,” said (F/N) warmly. “You said we were sisters,”

“We _are,_ ”

“Then that’s a bond that’s too strong to break,” said (F/N), climbing into bed herself. “Promise you won’t leave me either?”

Lily grinned at her from across the space between their beds; (F/N) could tell that she was in the throes of sleep, but still conscious enough to know what she was talking about. “I will never leave you, (F/N) Castor. We’re two stubborn rocks … in a … sea of madness …”

With that, Lily fell asleep. Her last words that evening may have been strange, but (F/N) understood her perfectly – they were each other’s rocks, and the turmoil around them was the madness. She tried not to worry about Severus for a while, and her own final thoughts for the evening were that she couldn’t believe she’d virtually smiled herself to sleep thinking about what Lily had just told her.

It felt good to be as close to someone as this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Evening, all!
> 
> From this point onward, I will be posting one chapter at a time as I am still in the process of editing them.
> 
> Obviously, I will do my best with this, and I will do my best to upload in a timely manner, but I recently returned to studying after 4 years out of it so I’m trying to manage my time effectively. 
> 
> I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your patience and for sticking with me / the story!
> 
> Love,  
> SooperChicken


	30. Chapter 30

Despite having the remainder of her O.W.Ls to keep her busy, (F/N) couldn’t help but keep a small part of her mind focused on the situation between Lily and Severus. She was caught right in the middle, and the fall-out had been a lot worse than she imagined it would be.

She had thought there might be a few arguments to follow, but there was nothing of the sort. By the end of the exam season, and the arrival of a well-earned, restful weekend, (F/N)’s two closest friends weren’t speaking at all.

Thankfully, (F/N) had been more than up for the challenge of dividing her time between Lily and Severus. In spending time with Lily, she often got to see Haydn and the girls they shared a dormitory with, and Severus often joined her in the forest as she took care of Aeolus (although he was so big he barely needed caring for at all anymore). There wasn’t a lot of time left before the summer holidays and, despite knowing she would possibly see Severus when she went to stay with Lily, (F/N) couldn’t help feeling it necessary to spend as much time with him as possible while they were still at school, if only to make sure he was all right.

She would often glance at him during periods of silence, wondering what he was thinking. He had tried to apologise to Lily several times since he’d threatened to sleep outside Gryffindor Tower, but she was adamant that she wasn’t interested. It appeared to have taken quite a toll on Severus, and he was now even quieter than before.

The only positive upshot of the whole affair was that Severus now seemed to be treating (F/N) much more like a confidante than just a friend. He was telling her things he’d never mentioned before, even as a passing comment, including the fact that he never really looked forward to the summer holidays and why. Now, (F/N) realised it had to be a lot worse for him considering he no longer had Lily to hang out with as a reprieve from his home life.

“Well, if you tell me where to find you, maybe I can come and hang out with you for a bit?” (F/N) suggested innocently. Severus, although appreciative of the offer, couldn’t help scoffing slightly.

“You’re staying at Lily’s house,” he said tonelessly. “How to you plan to excuse yourself from someone’s company when you’re _living_ with them for a few days?”

(F/N) sighed very quietly; he was right, of course. She had been desperately grasping at straws, trying her best to think of a solution. She didn’t want him to be all on his own for six weeks, after all …

She never noticed, because in her embarrassment she immersed herself in watching Aeolus as he chased a pigeon around the clearing, but Severus was staring at her while trying hard to be discreet. It intrigued him that someone who was so close to Lily, and was very similar to her, could also be subtly different in a very significant way.

In other words, their little differences were very noticeable to him. He had, for instance, been able to tell that (F/N) was furious with him for what he called Lily, perhaps even angrier than Lily herself had been. But _(F/N)_ still wanted to be his friend. _(F/N)_ had – maybe – forgiven him. She was giving him a chance, at least.

Severus had tried to make amends with Lily on so many occasions since that horrible day. He hadn’t yet told (F/N) about what the Marauders had done to him after Lily left him alone with them, because he felt sure that (F/N) would have found out on her own. But if she knew then she never said anything, and if she didn’t know then she never asked. This was something he appreciated; she wasn’t making him relive it all.

Not a day went by without Severus wondering how on earth he could have ruined his friendship with Lily so completely. The more he thought about it, though, the more frustrated he became. How could he show her he was truly sorry? _Why_ would she not accept that he felt wretched about everything, that he never meant to hurt her? All these torturous thoughts would spin around in his head on a constant basis, never letting up.

Severus cared for Lily. _Loved_ her, even, and deeply so. Not until they had fallen out did he realise how he felt, and when she told him she wasn’t interested in his apologies it left him feeling very lost and lonely … but then he remembered that, although Lily had been his only friend for several long years, that was no longer the case … (F/N) was there, and had been consistently friendly and supportive no matter how stubborn or standoffish or downright spiteful he’d sometimes been.

In spite of his sometimes less-than-friendly ways, (F/N) had been his friend and so she staunchly remained.

Severus thought he knew, now, why the Sorting Hat had taken so long to decide where to place (F/N) – she displayed the traits of a true Gryffindor and certainly of Ravenclaw, and she had shown some very Slytherin tendencies too, but now he was really beginning to appreciate what an excellent Hufflepuff she’d have made, with loyalty like hers.

He forced himself to look away before (F/N) caught him staring. He could have kicked himself though, because as she stood up and walked silently over to the frolicking hippogriff he realised that, no matter how much he tried to analyse her, he still didn’t understand her completely.

Severus thought he knew Lily, and he turned out to be quite mistaken. She had changed without him realising, and so had he. (F/N), though, had merely existed alongside them as their friend and only occasionally would one of her secrets come out, or would they learn something new about her.

It just showed that, no matter how many years you were friends with someone, it was still possible to know less about them than you would like …

(F/N) was petting Aeolus’ head now, and he was nudging her playfully. Severus had to stop himself from smiling, and simply resolved to get to know (F/N) better, and then look after her better than he looked after Lily. If, in the meantime, Lily forgave him … Wonderful. But now, the only person he felt close to anymore was (F/N).

Of course, he wasn’t about to tell her that …

***

The summer holidays were welcomed with open arms. (F/N) knew there was a lot of panicking to come as she awaited the letter containing her O.W.L grades, but she couldn’t wait for a long rest and then her visit to Lily’s. The professors had not, despite the gruelling year the students had just endured, reneged on giving them plenty of homework, so as soon as (F/N) arrived back in Spindlewood Common she got started on it so she wouldn’t have to worry about mustering the energy and/or inclination to do it later.

It was a quiet summer holiday for (F/N) as well as for Severus, because for a considerable amount of time there was hardly anyone to talk to. Eddie was still studying at the academy his parents had enrolled him in following his expulsion from school, and the students of this institution apparently rarely came home for the summer. He wrote to her often, though.

Auntie Beth was hardly at home. She was so busy with work that she ended up having to spend longer hours at the office she worked in and when she did come home she was always very tired. (F/N) thought that if the old adage was true, and there really was no rest for the wicked, then Auntie Beth must have been a very wicked woman indeed at some point in her life because once she returned home she would often then be plagued with phone calls.

The result of all of this isolation was that (F/N) was now _really_ looking forward to spending a few days with Lily. She wondered if they would get their O.W.L results before she went or while she was there. In thinking of O.W.L results day though, (F/N)’s mind wandered to darker thoughts and, in her current lonely state, (F/N) could not resist thinking of the worst.

What if she got bad grades and couldn’t then go on to study N.E.W.Ts? What if she failed entirely? She didn’t think she’d be able to cope …

To remedy the fact that (F/N) had hardly any human company, she found herself spending a lot of time with the invisible Aeolus in the woods a short distance from her village. Even though she couldn’t see him, she had just as much fun feeding him and playing with him as she did when they were at Hogwarts. Aeolus was now approaching three years of age and so (F/N)’s frequent visits were purely to maintain their relationship. Of course, the hippogriff still enjoyed playtime and getting to eat the little treats she brought him (there was no shortage of rats and mice in a rural place like Spindlewood) and seemed to love her just as much as he did when he was a baby.

While in the woods with Aeolus, (F/N) often reflected on her life at Hogwarts and particularly her exams. She had been quite pleased with them at the time, but now that it was nearly time for her to receive her results, thinking of them often made her feel unwell despite being unable to _stop_ thinking. Her best exams by far had been Transfiguration and Care of Magical Creatures; she’d never had any problems with the latter, and the former had gone extremely well for unexpected reasons. She also thought that Divination had gone very well; although it was deemed by other witches and wizards to be a ‘woolly’ subject (McGonagall in particular seemed to hold this opinion) and (F/N) was inclined to agree, she felt as though it was one of her strengths, but there was no way of knowing how well she’d _really_ fared – it was quite subjective, and a bit hit-and-miss in that way.

The day before she was due to take the train to Cokeworth, (F/N) said her temporary goodbyes to Aeolus, who seemed to understand that she wouldn’t be around for a while (if the sad little noises he made were anything to judge by). Auntie Beth had been around the house for a couple of days too, so as to spend some time with (F/N) before she went to Lily’s. (F/N) had – when she got the chance – told Auntie Beth all about Lily and Severus’ falling-out and had expressed concern that it might be a bit awkward. Auntie Beth had been quite certain there wouldn’t be a problem – (F/N) was to be Lily’s guest and, as such, her attention would be focused on her. Of course, it would have been nice for the three of them to hang out together but if it wasn’t meant to be then they would naturally adapt.

This, among other thoughts, swirled around (F/N)’s head the next day as she sat alone on the train. She had never travelled such a distance on her own but it didn’t bother her very much. She had quite a way to go before she had to change trains, so she decided to go to sleep for a while. Interestingly to (F/N), the dream she had before she was woken by a sudden announcement was about Severus. Disembarking the train and switching platforms, she thought about the dream as she stood there waiting for the next service.

Her mind had apparently wandered back to the thought that it was a lucky thing indeed that the revelation of her feelings for him a whole year ago had not had a negative impact on their friendship. She wondered what might have happened if she’d simply been gutsy enough to ask him out, but shuddered at all of the terrible, embarrassing scenarios that inundated her.

(F/N)’s next train was delayed and so when it finally arrived it found her sitting on top of her little suitcase. She climbed aboard and stared out of the window for the remainder of her journey, seeing countryside that looked very similar to that of the south but feeling very different at the same time. (F/N) couldn’t wait to see Lily; at the moment, she felt quite alone and almost as if she could be a lost little runaway, taking a train to who-knows-where.

It was late afternoon by the time (F/N) reached Cokeworth. It was a tiny train station with only two platforms (at least they _had_ a train station, (F/N) thought, because Spindlewood Common was too small and rural for that), and what seemed to be a short distance away was a very tall chimney which billowed smoke out across the town, although thankfully not in the direction of the station. The sky above was grey, apparently threatening rain, but (F/N) had been watching television with her aunt the day before and the weatherman had said the whole country was in for a good amount of sunshine in the next few days.

(F/N) got off the platform and went down into the small carpark beyond a tall iron fence, sparsely lined with scrubby bushes. Although the ground was mostly dry, (F/N) though it must have rained recently because there were still a few puddles here and there. She waited patiently for Lily, because this was where she’d said to meet her when she last wrote.

(F/N) didn’t have very long to wait because the Evanses’ car soon came around the corner, bearing both Lily and her father. Lily waved eagerly at (F/N) as she spotted her. The blue car pulled up alongside (F/N) and Lily hopped out, pulling (F/N) into a crushing embrace.

“How are you? How was your trip?” Lily gushed, eager to hear all about (F/N)’s summer so far. Mr Evans also got out of the car and (F/N) thanked him as he very kindly took her suitcase and put it in the boot. Lily clambered into the back of the car rather than the front, where she had originally been sitting, so that (F/N) wouldn’t be lonely sitting back there by herself.

(F/N) and Lily didn’t stop talking the whole journey back to Lily’s house. They lived at the end of a street of semi-detached houses with small front gardens and were a little more removed from the bleak, grey town than some of the terraced houses they’d passed, which sat in the shadow of that great, puffing chimney. Mr Evans pulled into the driveway and the girls got out, but he politely insisted that (F/N) not carry her own suitcase inside. Lily ran up to the front door and was apparently eager to show (F/N) the sleeping arrangements, as well as what her mother had planned for dinner that night.

As it turned out, Mrs Evans had put together a sumptuous roast dinner and had made a gorgeous Black Forest gateau for pudding. (F/N) sat in Petunia’s seat at the table and felt quite bad about it at first, but was quickly made to feel like one of the family as she ate and chatted with the Evanses. It was as if she’d been to visit a thousand times before.

After dinner, and two helpings of gateau each, (F/N) and Lily made their way upstairs. Lily’s bedroom was not dissimilar to (F/N)’s, with a garden-facing window and light, airy colours. Lily, like (F/N), had a writing desk on one side of the room and her schoolbooks were all piled neatly on top as well, along with a few rolls of parchment and a couple of quills lying side-by-side.

To avoid incurring Petunia’s wrath when she returned from her holiday, Lily explained, a little cot had been set up next to her bed for (F/N). (F/N) had been thrilled, saying it was going to feel like a proper sleepover now. Lily had laughed, saying that even though they shared a dormitory at school, it was unlikely that either of them were going to get much sleep because slumber parties were that much more fun.

Nevertheless, feeling as full as they did, as soon as the sun went down and the girls had changed into their pyjamas, they fell asleep almost instantly. For (F/N), certainly, it had been a long day and a good rest was definitely what she needed. The next morning they woke up rather late (or later than usual, rather) and so by the time they made their way downstairs again Mr Evans had already left for work. Mrs Evans was busy in the kitchen, making pancakes for when the girls woke up _(_ _“I didn’t know when you’d be up so I thought I’d make a start, but they’re good hot or cold!”)._

The sun was shining and the sky was a bright, summery blue, and as Lily and (F/N) ate they discussed what they were going to do that day. Lily was intent on taking (F/N) out on the town and showing her around, although she kept reiterating that it was ‘nothing like Spindlewood Common’.

“It’s your _home,_ Lil,” said (F/N) earnestly. “I’m just happy you invited me!”

Just as they were finishing their breakfasts, however, there was a great amount of flapping and in a flurry of feathers a large barn owl came soaring through the open kitchen door with two letters clamped in its beak. (F/N) and Lily turned to each other in sudden alarm as the owl dropped the letters on the table between them and flapped off again. Mrs Evans looked utterly bewildered, even though she must have been used to these sorts of shenanigans by now since her youngest daughter had been going to magic school for five years already.

“Are those what I think they are?” she asked, looking to Lily and then (F/N) in turn.

Both girls nodded and took the letters that were addressed to them. They moved almost in unison, opening the envelopes and removing the parchment from inside. They looked at each other again.

“At the same time?” said Lily.

(F/N) nodded.

The friends unfolded their letters and read them in silence. They felt as though their stomachs had dropped out of their bodies and may have been lying somewhere under the table. Their hands were shaking and, in (F/N)’s case, this was almost uncontrollable and she was having difficulty reading. She gave up on holding it and instead laid it down on the table, smoothing out the creases.

She hardly dared breathe, whereas Lily let out a great whoop of joy. “Mum, Mum, look!” she squeaked, waving the letter at her mother. Mrs Evans took the letter from Lily and scanned its contents, her anxious expression turning to one of delight.

“Darling, that’s wonderful! You did so well!”

Lily was beaming and absolutely ecstatic. “Five ‘Outstandings’ and five ‘Exceeds Expectations’!” she squealed. (F/N) was dragged out of her reverie and grinned at Lily.

“Oh Lil, that’s great!” she cried, jumping up and hugging her friend, letter still in hand. “I knew you’d be amazing!”

“Let’s see what _you_ got – go on!” gushed Lily, trying to grab the letter from (F/N)’s hand. (F/N) held it away from her, not wanting her to see. “Why won’t you show me?” she giggled.

“Because I’m not sure it’s all sunk in yet …” said (F/N) nervously.

In that short space of time, however, she’d stopped paying attention and Lily reached around and plucked the letter from her fingers. She shook it out to straighten it and peered at (F/N)’s results.

“You got _seven_ ‘Outstandings’ and _three_ ‘Exceeds Expectations!” Lily gasped, dropping (F/N)’s letter on the table and hugging her again. “See, I _told_ you, didn’t I? You _aced_ those exams!”

(F/N) smiled against Lily’s shoulder while she cuddled her fiercely. (F/N) could hardly breathe, let alone speak, but this gave her the opportunity to revel in her success because she’d been so intensely afraid of failure …

When Lily let her go, she took another long look at her results. Her three ‘Exceeds Expectations’ were in Herbology, History of Magic and Study of Ancient Runes. Everything else was ‘Outstanding’. Best of all, she knew where she’d fallen short on those three subjects: Herbology had seen her almost allowing her Chinese Chomping Cabbage to eat some Bouncing Bulbs and she’d nearly been attacked by a Snargaluff; History of Magic was dead boring so it was a wonder she’d managed to take enough notes in class, when falling asleep was always a very real threat; Study of Ancient Runes was difficult but not _too_ difficult, but she was sure she’d mistranslated a few of them in her written paper.

(F/N)’s mind wandered to her other friends. How had Severus fared? Or Haydn or Edith? A perverse sort of pleasure swamped her senses as she also thought about how Patty Nolan wouldn’t get to experience anything like this.

 _“Serves her right,”_ (F/N) thought darkly.

Lily and (F/N)’s excellent results set a precedent for the rest of the day, and they both knew that nothing could break their high spirits. The girls wandered about town, with Lily giving (F/N) what she called ‘the grand tour’, and eventually ended up in a small park a short walk from Lily’s house, sitting on the swings and chatting about the year ahead. The sun beat down from the cloudless sky, warming them so much that their skin began to prickle.

When Lily suggested going back for lunch, (F/N) trailed willingly after her but noticed, then, that they were being watched. She had no idea where the person watching them could be, because she couldn’t see anyone – then again she did only give their surroundings a cursory, sweeping glance. As she walked, however, thinking about the strange feeling she’d had, her mind strayed to the idea that it might well have been Severus who was out there too.

(F/N) sighed. She wished things could have been different.

***

(F/N)’s time with Lily flew by far too quickly. Before she knew it, she had to return to the little grey train station and wait for the return service home, having thanked Mr and Mrs Evans profusely for having her to stay. Lily stayed with her until the train arrived and, when it did, she gave her an enormous bear-hug and waved goodbye as her friend boarded one of the carriages. (F/N) loaded her suitcase into the luggage compartment above and sat herself beside the window closest to where she’d been standing with Lily, watching as she walked back to her father’s car.

(F/N) had been staring out of that slightly grimy window for a good five minutes or so when a conductor came ambling up the aisle towards her. “S’cuse me, Miss,” he said. “Service terminates here. Next stop for this train is the depot,”

(F/N) stared wide-eyed at the conductor, hardly able to believe her ears. A station as small as this seemed a very strange place to terminate a service for the day, and it was only ten o’clock. She said as much to the conductor.

“Sorry, darlin’,” he said, looking very apologetic. He removed a white handkerchief from his inside pocket, removed his cap and mopped his shiny, bald head. “This train’s just been called in for servicing and repairs … You saw how slowly it pulled in, I’m sure. We had to stop because something in the engine was making this godawful racket …”

(F/N) tried to see what was going on further up the train and, sure enough, a railroad engineer in a bright orange high-visibility jacket was poking around inside the locomotive. She sighed gently and looked up at the conductor. He really did look very sorry for her.

“Okay …” she said, getting up from her seat and pulling her suitcase down from the rack above. “There must be another service going this way though, surely?”

“Should be here in fifteen minutes or so,” said the man kindly.

(F/N) nodded and thanked him, before getting back off the train. She glanced up at the cloudy sky and hoped it wouldn’t rain. In thinking this, the scars on her left arm began to tingle slightly – only _very_ slightly – but it was still enough to be uncomfortable. Ignoring it as best she could, she wheeled her suitcase over to a nearby bench and sat down.

Lily and her father were already gone.

A soft breeze ruffled (F/N)’s hair as she sat very still on that hard metal bench, staring at the concrete platform and taking note of the weeds sprouting through the cracks in the slabs. The bench itself was completely rusted, with only a suggestion of having been painted, once upon a time. Some parts of the seat were quite rough, so (F/N) did her best to stay still to avoid grazing the backs of her legs in her sundress.

She was so absorbed in staring at the assortment of plant life burgeoning in the platform’s cracks that, at first, she didn’t notice the man sitting down next to her. She had left enough room for someone else to sit if they so desired, so there really wasn’t any need to disturb her …

“Did you forget how to get on a train?” said the man.

(F/N) jumped nearly a foot out of her skin and turned to look at him. She hadn’t expected the man to be Severus. “Merlin’s _beard_ , Sev …” she gasped, placing a hand over her heart which was now thudding very violently.

“You saw me sit down …” he said, with a faint smirk on his face.

“Yeah, but I didn’t realise it was _you!”_

“Then you have the worst peripheral vision ever,” Severus told her, his smirk becoming more apparent. “That, or you find dandelion leaves _fascinating_ ,”

(F/N) stared at him for a moment with unimpressed, heavily-lidded eyes. “I assume you didn’t just come to tease me?” she said, raising her voice over the din of the train leaving for the depot.

“No, I came to say hello,”

(F/N) was even more bewildered but said, “Oh, well … Hello, then,”

“Hi,”

He looked away and stared out across the tracks to a small, overgrown field just beyond. (F/N) took this opportunity to simply look at him, wondering what was on his mind and thinking how much more mature he looked.

(F/N) looked away promptly.

“How has your summer been?” Severus asked, in the sort of tone one uses when they know their company is feeling awkward.

“Oh, um … Yeah, it’s been good, thanks …” (F/N) said, feeling more foolish by the second. She needed just a moment to recover from admiring him, but it didn’t seem as though he would let her. “How has yours been?”

Severus merely shrugged. (F/N) knew what that meant. Looking at his pale face, he appeared to have caught the sun a bit across his cheekbones which suggested he’d been outdoors a lot, most likely just so that he wasn’t at home. She felt the sting of guilt strike in the pit of her stomach; she _wished_ he could have joined her and Lily over the last few days.

The subject changed very quickly, however, and (F/N) had precious little time to dwell further on those thoughts.

“How did your exams go?” said Severus quietly, his gaze settled on something very far away.

(F/N) smiled. “Well, thanks. Seven O’s and three E’s. You?”

“Eight O’s, two E’s,”

(F/N) grinned even wider. “Wouldn’t expect anything less,” she said, making him glance at her in curiosity. “You’re always on top of things,”

Severus made a little noise in his throat that sounded like a small laugh. He turned to face her properly. “So are you,” he said silkily, black eyes glinting in the greyish daylight. “You must be pleased. You’ll get onto all of your N.E.W.T courses …”

(F/N) smiled again, even though the strangest notion that Severus was deliberately not asking about Lily’s results – or indeed anything about her – had just occurred to her. She cast her mind back to her careers’ meeting with Professor McGonagall several months ago, before exams even began, and remembered telling her that she either wanted to be a professor or, failing that, an Auror. Either one would be brilliant, in her opinion.

She hadn’t had much time to think about it, but she was getting closer than ever to achieving her goals. It was an exciting thought, but as soon as those thoughts strayed to what _Severus_ wanted to do when he left school a tight knot formed in her stomach and her outlook became very grim indeed. She decided not to mention it.

They sat together for a few more moments of silence, both of them apparently enjoying the company. Eventually, (F/N) broke the silence by first asking what N.E.W.T subjects Severus was going to take, and their conversation spiralled like a feather on the breeze to all sorts of different topics. Severus asked about Aeolus and, once or twice, couldn’t avoid saying Lily’s name – other than that, he seemed rather determinedly focused on (F/N) and all things to do with _her._

If she had to be honest with herself, it was flattering, especially given how distant Severus used to be with her a times.

After what had to be longer than the fifteen minutes the last train’s conductor had said, (F/N)’s ears pricked at the sound of the tracks vibrating and, as it drew nearer, the unmistakeable sound of a train slowing down to pull into station. She stood up and craned her neck to see down the track, but the train wasn’t quite there yet. It was obviously just a very noisy one …

(F/N) remained standing and pulled the handle of her suitcase up, ready to wheel it towards the train when it arrived. The sky was beginning to clear a bit, revealing patches of beautiful cerulean behind the silver clouds. She glanced to her left and saw Severus standing, too.

“Are you coming with me?” she teased, smirking up at him. At that, she could have sworn she saw him blush but, as was usually the case, quickly wrote it off as a trick of the light.

“No,” said Severus quickly, turning to look behind him as though expecting to find someone eavesdropping. Now that he was standing, (F/N) noticed what he was wearing whereas she hadn’t before: a simple white t-shirt and faded black jeans. She had never taken him to be a ‘t-shirt and jeans’ sort of person ... He never dressed like that during free time at school.

The train pulled slowly into the station, making an unholy metallic racket as it came. The doors slid open along the length of the vehicle, two to every carriage despite nobody disembarking and only one person boarding, and (F/N) turned to look at her friend once more.

“I suppose I’ll be off then,” she said lightly, trying very hard not to make it sound like she wasn’t going to see him for years. “It was good to see you …”

Severus merely nodded but, this time, (F/N) sensed that it was because he didn’t know what to say. She wondered why but didn’t give it too much thought and gave him a smile as warm as summer itself. Again, Severus glanced around him as though afraid he’d been followed but, when he turned back to (F/N), she was lifting her luggage onto the train.

“(F/N) …” he said, in a gentle but urgent tone. She stopped right where she was and looked at him with a puzzled expression. Severus faltered for a moment and looked extremely unsure of himself.

“Are you okay?” she asked, anxious for him.

Severus glanced down at the platform, then off to his right, clearly not knowing _where_ to look. Then, taking a deep breath, he looked (F/N) in the eyes and said, “Do you still like me?”

A bit taken aback by his question and concerned that the train would leave without her being able to give a sufficient answer, (F/N) said, “Of _course_ I like you. You’re my friend, why wouldn’t I –?”

“No, I mean …” Severus began, then stopped himself short and sighed. He was obviously struggling, and (F/N) suddenly knew what he was asking. It seemed unfair to make him continue with his sentence when he looked so thoroughly ill-at-ease, but she also couldn’t bring herself to answer properly when she hadn’t been asked the question on his mind …

Severus sighed again. “I know it was horrible, but when Nolan made you drink the Veritaserum … what you said then … about me … Was that true?”

“I think you know the answer to that …” said (F/N) softly, voice wavering slightly at the memory of what had transpired.

Severus gave the sort of nod one does when committing information to memory. “Is it still true?”

(F/N)’s heart was pounding almost painfully in her chest, and she suddenly found it hard to breathe. Just as she made to give an embarrassed little nod of her own, she heard the high-pitched shriek of the conductor’s whistle. There was very little time left …

Severus’ eyes were brighter than (F/N) had ever seen them before. He wasn’t _smiling,_ as such, but there was definitely a ghost of some positive emotion on his face …

“All right, then …” he said slowly, steeling himself. “W –,”

He didn’t get a chance to finish because at that moment the doors pulled shut and he was left staring at his own reflection in the window, darkened by the train’s interior. (F/N), anxious to know what he was going to say, practically sprinted to the nearest carriage and, leaving her suitcase in the walkway, jumped up on the first window seat she came across and reached up to open the squeaky upper window.

Severus noticed and, being sure to make it snappy, leaned as close to the window as he could and said, “As I was saying: ‘Will you go out with me?’”

(F/N) felt as though her chest had deflated and all of her internal organs had caught fire. Also, she was sure her brain had melted. Still, she drew a deep, shaky breath of her own, smiled and nodded. “Okay …” was the only word she managed, not trusting herself to say more in case she squealed.

Severus smirked as the train began to move, following it lazily along the platform. “Make sure you write. Let me know you’re home safe …”

(F/N) grinned and nodded again. Her carriage was nearly off the platform, so she waved before she went around the corner and lost sight of him. When she finally did, she got out of her seat, hoisted her luggage into the rack above and promptly flopped back down to think about what just happened.

Her mind was racing, her heart was thumping, and her hands were shaking. In the end, only one thought rested in her mind and it wasn’t that she was surprised that Severus had come to _her_. It seemed so unlike him, after all …

No, the one and only thing she could think of was that she, (F/N) Castor, had a boyfriend.


	31. Chapter 31

The rest of (F/N)’s summer was spent in equal parts excitement and nervousness. For one thing, she couldn’t wait to get back to Hogwarts to start a new year and to see Severus, even though she was quite sure that, knowing him as she did, very little would have changed between them other than possibly hanging out more frequently. He didn’t strike her as the sort to be overly affectionate, but she didn’t mind that. She was just happy he’d come around to her.

Her humiliation at the end of their fourth year hadn’t all been in vain, it seemed, even if it had taken more than a year for anything truly good to happen.

(F/N) was excited to see her other friends too, of course, but therein lay the reason for her anxiety: breaking the news to them that she was now going out with the same person who had offended Lily so deeply. She was sure that no one would rebuke her for it (at least not to her face) because it had been Lily herself who had told her not to break off her own friendship with Severus just because she had …

(F/N) told herself that she was being foolish again, as she sat on the windowsill staring out of her bedroom window, watching the sun go down over the countryside. It was the day after she returned from Lily’s, and it had been a very hot and lazy day; she had been forced to spend most of it indoors because of the heat. She hadn’t needed to look very far to see a haze blurring the world outside, and she had also noticed the distinct absence of birds and insects flying into the garden. Every other living creature was apparently seeking shade that day.

The evening was cooler, although only slightly. The window (F/N) sat in was half-open and her mind wandered to thoughts of Cicero, wondering if he was having a good hunt in the twilight. Faintly, in the dusky lavender sky, (F/N) spied the first celestial body winking down at her from space. Based on its position, she deduced that it was Venus.

The Ministry of Magic couldn’t reprimand her for ‘practising magic outside of school’ if she was merely stargazing …

There wasn’t much time left before the new school year, so Auntie Beth, thrilled with (F/N)’s exam results, had arranged to take her to Diagon Alley for her school supplies the following day, and had said that she could pick absolutely anything she wanted as a reward. On the train to London, Auntie Beth had suggested a few things such as books or fancy quills or even a nice dress (because Madam Malkin’s, among other shops, did sell some rather lovely ones), but (F/N) said that, while she was grateful, she would just like to get ice-creams at Florian Fortescue’s.

Auntie Beth had apparently thought it very sweet that all her niece wanted was to spend time with her. So, (F/N) got her wish and Auntie Beth treated them both to sundaes after the shopping was finished. She had just finished checking her supply list (she needed a few new books, some more ink and parchment, assorted potion ingredients and new robes – because she’d actually _grown_ a little over the summer) when Auntie Beth returned to their table, ice-creams in hand. (F/N) grinned but barely had time to take her first spoonful as Auntie Beth began bombarding her with questions about The Boyfriend Situation.

(F/N) smiled sheepishly and tried very hard not to wish that she hadn’t said anything in the first place. After all, to look at her aunt’s face and see how excited she was only made (F/N) feel bad for not wanting to answer her questions.

Still, (F/N) thought, it wouldn’t hurt to be a good sport, would it? She made sure that she and Auntie Beth kept their voices down though, so that no one could eavesdrop. People were sure to find out about who she was seeing once school started anyway, but she wasn’t sure if Severus would want the relationship to go public so quickly …

As Auntie Beth nattered away about how lovely it was that (F/N) was going out with someone, (F/N) couldn’t help feeling guilty for not having told Lily yet. She had wanted to do it in person, to see her true reaction, but now she wondered how Lily was going to react to not having been informed _immediately_.

Once again, (F/N) saw no one she knew in Diagon Alley during that particular visit, and decided on the way home that she would stick to her guns and tell Lily about Severus when they got back to Hogwarts. Lily knew that (F/N) and Severus were still _friends_ , at least, even with all that transpired during their exams. Therefore, (F/N) reasoned, Lily _surely_ wouldn’t think anything of it if she put her head round the door of (F/N)’s compartment on the train, and saw her sitting with him …

The remainder of the holidays flew by, and (F/N) was convinced that this was only the case because Eddie had come home for a few days before his next school year began as well. It was always the way when you were hanging out with someone you liked. Eddie had been very interested to hear about (F/N)’s exams and was pleased for her when she told him how well she’d done. He was saddened by the news of Lily’s and Severus’ falling-out, but when (F/N) told him that she was actually going out with Severus now, Eddie’s entire demeanour changed – although not obviously so.

“Oh, right …” he’d said, nodding as if he’d been told something only half-interesting. “That’s good,” he added, giving her the most convincing smile he could manage. (F/N) was not convinced.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, looking at him with concern. “You don’t seem very pleased …”

“Oh, no!” said Eddie, suddenly looking very bright and cheerful. “No, I’m happy for you! About time you got a boyfriend … I mean, look at you!”

(F/N) looked at him curiously, as if he’d grown an extra head. “What do you mean, ‘look at me’?” she said.

“Well, you’re – ah …” Eddie stammered, stopping short of speaking his mind. He blushed crimson, his face clashing with his dark golden hair.

(F/N) continued to stare, determined to get an answer.

“You’re beautiful,” he said at last. (F/N) jumped where she sat on the lawn. She was so taken aback by the compliment, and the earnest look in Eddie’s warm, earthy eyes, that she found herself quite lost for words.

“Th-thank you …” she stuttered after a few moments of stunned silence.

“No need to thank me for telling the truth,” said Eddie with a shrug, as though trying to free himself of the awkwardness he’d inflicted on himself. “You _are_ beautiful. There must be loads of boys after you at your school,”

(F/N) snorted incredulously. “As if,” she said. “Why on earth would they go after me, when they could focus on Lily?”

Eddie chuckled. It was a low, throaty sound that made (F/N) shiver, even in the afternoon sun. “You really don’t think much of yourself compared to Lily, do you?” he asked, although it was definitely more of a statement. (F/N) shook her head. “You know, I’ve got no idea what boys at your school really think, and I will agree that Lily’s gorgeous, but you’re …”

Eddie trailed off again. (F/N) was staring at him even harder; he’d _never_ been so complimentary before, and certainly not of her appearance. “I’m …?” (F/N) prompted.

“Well, I’ve already said, you’re beautiful … Not that Lily isn’t, but I think you’re even more so,”

(F/N) was about to open her mouth to protest, but Eddie quickly closed it for her by gently grabbing her chin and physically forcing it shut.

“Can’t take a compliment, can you?” he said softly, his eyes matching his voice. (F/N) stared at him in amazement. Eddie sighed and said, “I’d tell you to stop being so modest, but then you wouldn’t be you,”

He stood up, brushing grass off his jeans (Auntie Beth had recently asked (F/N) to mow the lawn). “I’ve got to go,” he said, a note of sadness lingering in his voice. “I’ll probably see you around Christmas, I guess?”

(F/N) was quite surprised at how abruptly Eddie had decided to leave. “Well, yes, I suppose, but … Where are you going? Why so soon?”

Eddie smirked down at her, before offering a hand and helping her up almost as an afterthought. “I, too, have a date,”

(F/N)’s eyes widened and wondered why Eddie was so taken aback by the news that she was going out with Severus, if he had a girlfriend himself. “Well, you kept that one quiet, didn’t you?” (F/N) chuckled. “What’s her name?”

“Ah,” said Eddie with a wry grin. He tapped his nose dramatically and winked at her. “Now that would be telling,”

“It’s Daisy, isn’t it?” (F/N) guessed, smirking at him.

“How did you know?” Eddie grumped, crossing his arms. Then he sighed and smiled again. “But yes. She kind of … grew on me,”

(F/N) smiled at him. “I knew you’d warm up to her eventually,” she said.

“Don’t you dare say ‘I told you so’,” Eddie growled, although his expression remained playful. “I didn’t tease you when I found out you really do like this guy … Not much, anyway,” He winked.

(F/N) rolled her eyes and cuffed him affectionately on the shoulder as she walked him to the gate. “See you later,” she said, seeing him off up the lane. Eddie turned briefly at his gate and waved, before vanishing around the corner.

The first of September arrived, and the day itself felt only marginally cooler than the previous days of summer that had been blessed with so much glorious sunshine. (F/N) was taken to King’s Cross as usual by her aunt, but what surprised her about this particular journey was that Auntie Beth insisted on hugging her two or three more times than she normally did.

“I just haven’t been able to spend as much time with you as I’d have liked,” said Auntie Beth, when (F/N) asked her why she was hugging her so much. “You have a good term, dear,”

(F/N) smiled and waved to her aunt before casually passing through the enchanted barrier to Platform 9¾. It was like a breath of fresh air, gliding straight into the wizarding world after six weeks spent apart from it. Despite being in her sixth year at Hogwarts, (F/N) still couldn’t quite get over how wonderful it felt to be going back to the world that truly understood her.

There were a lot more people bustling about on the platform than usual. Perhaps, (F/N) thought in a slight frenzy, that was because it was ten to eleven already. She wheeled her trolley towards the idling Hogwarts Express as quickly as she could while weaving between groups of people who were either ambling towards the train themselves or standing around chatting. (F/N) hauled her trunk onto the first carriage she was able to access (there were quite a lot of people standing in front of the doors) and was just in the process of dragging it down the corridor when someone tapped her on the shoulder.

(F/N) turned to see Haydn grinning down at her. She was startled to see that he had somehow managed to grow even more over the summer and his bushy blond hair now skimmed the roof of the carriage, fluffing it up and making him look like someone had rubbed a balloon over his head.

“All right, (F/N)?” he said, in a voice that was definitely deeper than it had been last year.

(F/N) smiled back at him. “All right, Haydn?” she mimicked, giving her trunk another hard shove with her foot and lifting it at the same time. “Good summer?”

“Yeah, thanks!” said Haydn enthusiastically, stepping around (F/N) and effortlessly lifting her trunk without her asking. “Got some good O.W.L results; my parents were pleased. How about you?”

“It was good, thanks; I got good results too,” said (F/N), following Haydn into the closest compartment. “Thank you, by the way …” she added, referring to his gentlemanly assistance with her luggage.

“Don’t mention it,” said Haydn with another grin. He was a lot more confident than he had been last year, too. Maybe it came with the height, (F/N) thought. Haydn lifted the trunk into the rack above one of the seats which, (F/N) noted very quickly indeed, was right next to Severus.

“Hello,” he said with a small, almost imperceptible smile. It was only just visible to (F/N) and would have been unnoticeable to anyone else. If it hadn’t been for that smile, (F/N) might have questioned whether he really had asked her out during the summer, or if she’d just imagined it all.

“H-hey,” said (F/N), feeling very shy and silly all of a sudden. She sat down next to him and noticed that he was already in his school robes. Opposite her was Edith, who was grinning widely as she waited for (F/N) to notice her. “Oh, hi Edith!” said (F/N) at last.

“Hello,” she said, almost mimicking Severus perfectly. “Good summer?”

(F/N) smiled and gave Edith the same answer as she’d given Haydn. Friendly small talk followed, and a few minutes later the Express pulled out of the station. (F/N) still hadn’t seen Lily, but she hoped she would put her head around the door at some point … _Or,_ she thought, she _could_ go and find her herself.

The grey city beyond the window quickly turned to rolling greenery. The sky above was a light, hazy blue. (F/N) was sitting closest to the door this time, and it was she who first noticed the Marauders swaggering up the train, past their carriage and ignoring them completely while they spoke in extraordinarily loud voices about nothing in particular. There were only three of them, of course, but they were clearly on their way to visit their fourth, quieter member.

“Another year older and no less obnoxious,” (F/N) commented, rolling her eyes. They all nodded but Severus, most notably, looked out of the window, seemingly in an attempt to detach himself from the world in which the Marauders existed.

(F/N) dared to allow herself a moment to gaze at the side of Severus’ face, and in that moment decided that if the Marauders so much as looked at him the wrong way this year she’d get them, and she’d get them _good_.

A few hours passed without incident, but (F/N) still hadn’t seen Lily. She wondered if she ought to leave the compartment and go looking for her, but then the lunch trolley came and Edith started talking about Diricawls (or Dodos, to Muggles), asking whether said Muggles really did believe they’d hunted the creatures to extinction. (F/N) thought it a very interesting topic and participated in earnest. She also got the distinct impression that she was being watched by Severus, although she didn’t quite have the courage to meet his gaze, this time.

The hours ticked by and there was still no sign of Lily. (F/N) disembarked the train with Edith and Haydn in front and Severus at her side, and they all climbed into one of the idling ‘horseless’ carriages to make the trip to the castle. As the carriage pulled away up the path, (F/N) peered out of the grubby window to see Hagrid’s enormous form leading the tiny new first-years to the enchanted boats.

(F/N) smiled. It seemed so long ago that she was one of those first-years, but it was still so fresh in her mind.

When the carriage eventually came to a standstill, the two Gryffindors and two Slytherins made their way into the castle, and then on to the Great Hall in an orderly fashion so as not to draw the attention of Professor McGonagall, who stood vigilant in the middle of the Entrance Hall overseeing their arrival. However, the deputy headmistress did spot (F/N) after all, and the young Gryffindor could have sworn that her otherwise stern head of house gave her a fleeting but very warm smile, which she returned immediately.

Haydn and (F/N) parted ways with Severus and Edith so they could join their houses at their respective tables. Severus gave (F/N) a quick ‘see you later’ sort of look and, as (F/N) followed Haydn down the Gryffindor table, looking for other sixth-years, she couldn’t help thinking that Severus had spoken even less than usual on the train. She wondered why.

Any worries she might have had, however nameless at that moment, were banished from thought as she sat next to Haydn with her back to the wall, looking out across the rest of the hall. She spotted, on the far side of the warmly lit room, Severus sitting directly opposite. If they had been on the same table, they would have been sitting knee-to-knee. He saw her staring and smirked, and (F/N) blushed bright red.

“Now _that_ was a gruelling patrol!” Lily puffed, almost throwing herself into the seat on (F/N)’s other side. “I can’t _believe_ I didn’t even get to come and say hello!” she went on, pulling her best friend into a soft hug. She even smelled faintly of lilies.

(F/N) grinned. “Got you doing the grunt work, have they?” she chuckled.

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Lily sighed. “Some of these new first-years have got some serious backbone on them … We Prefects are in for a tough year, if that’s how they’re going to behave,”

(F/N) smiled as she listened to Lily chatting away. She was honestly just glad to have her near again, after not even seeing her once on the train. As she listened, though, she noticed that Severus was still watching her and once again her face flooded scarlet. Unfortunately, Lily noticed.

“Whoa, what’s up with you? You look like you swallowed a salamander,” said Lily. Even as (F/N) tried to distract both herself and her friend, however, Lily followed the previous direction of (F/N)’s gaze and realised who she was looking at. Lily’s face fell slightly, but not too much (which (F/N) took to be a good sign). “What, did he hex you or something? Do I need to be having words?” she joked.

“No, no …” said (F/N) quietly, noticing several other Gryffindors starting to stare at her too. “I’ll tell you later, yeah?”

Lily, placated for the time being, nodded and turned her gaze to the back of the hall. Professor McGonagall had just appeared but only briefly, because she had signalled to Professor Dumbledore that she was about to go and fetch the new first-years and bring them in for their Sorting ceremony. The whole school fell silent while they waited, but while Severus sat in (F/N)’s direct line of vision, she also noticed that Lockhart had placed himself just so that she couldn’t ignore him completely at the Ravenclaw table.

She rolled her eyes but was quickly distracted by the doors opening again, and Professor McGonagall bringing a stream of very frightened-looking first-years straight up the middle of the hall and up to the front to stand in a line. (F/N) couldn’t help thinking that they were all quite cute, but that they also didn’t look any different to any of the other first-years she’d seen enter the school after her. They’d _all_ been shaky, ashen-faced little witches and wizards as far as she could tell. None of them looked capable of being the little devils Lily made them out to be.

The Sorting Hat sang a new song this year and, once finished, the school applauded as usual and Professor McGonagall took out her register. She called each student in alphabetical order (something (F/N) felt should have been done when _her_ year was sorted) and when they heard their name each witch and wizard hurried over to the stool, sat down and put the Sorting Hat on their head.

The Hat seemed to be in a very decisive mood that year because not a single one of the new students spent longer than three seconds with it on. Gryffindor had a fine selection of new faces, (F/N) thought. A couple of them were now sitting quite close to where she was so, making eye contact with the nearest first-year girl, she gave a very warm and welcoming smile which seemed to brighten the little witch’s expression considerably.

With the Sorting finished, everyone looked to the front of the hall where Professor Dumbledore was now standing, preparing to address the school. He cleared his throat loudly, and politely called for their attention.

“Welcome!” he cried merrily. “To another year at Hogwarts! And welcome to our new first-years who, I am quite certain, will make excellent additions to our school,”

Dumbledore went on to explain the usual school rules for the benefit of the new students but, before declaring the start of the feast as always, he announced instead that there were a few notices to give out. One of which, (F/N) thought, was a little too ominous for her liking.

“This year …” said Dumbledore slowly, and clearly. “Hogwarts will undergo examination by a group of certified inspectors from the Ministry of Magic, who wrote to me during the summer advising that a creature of unknown origin has recently been sighted in several locations across the country,”

The whole hall erupted into a loud murmur, filling the room with a sound that was not unlike the swarming of many, many bees. (F/N) wasn’t sure why, but she felt very uncomfortable with these ‘inspectors’ roaming the castle, looking for a creature such as the one Dumbledore mentioned. (F/N) could feel it in her bones that this did not bode well …

“Our guests …” Dumbledore went on, hushing everyone with the first syllable to leave his lips. “… have assured me that their work will not interrupt your studies, regardless of whether they find themselves within the walls of the castle itself. Nevertheless, the majority of their work will be carried out in the Forbidden Forest, therefore I must ask each of you who currently studies Care of Magical Creatures, or whose responsibilities require you to regularly enter the Forest …” Dumbledore’s piercing blue eyes instantly met (F/N)’s (E/C) ones, “… to take extra precautions when studying your creatures,”

Yet more murmuring filled the hall, but Dumbledore held up a wizened, long-fingered hand.

“Our guests have not yet specified what creature it is they seek, but they have advised that this creature is capable of Apparition and Disapparition even when there are spells in place to prevent this, which, of course, there are at Hogwarts …” he said, silencing everyone in an instant. (F/N) saw Professor McGonagall give a sudden start, almost as if she had been given a sharp electric shock. The expression on her face was one of vague recognition, almost as if she had remembered something from a very long time ago.

What surprised (F/N) more, though, was that McGonagall then turned her gaze upon her and that look of ‘vague recognition’ became much more certain, more convinced. (F/N) _wished_ she knew what McGonagall had thought of.

(F/N) had been so interested in McGonagall that she’d forgotten that Dumbledore was still talking.

“… as such, our guests have assured me that there is nothing dangerous about this creature, but if anyone sees or hears anything out of the ordinary, anything at all, then they are to report it to a teacher at their earliest opportunity,”

(F/N) looked down at the table, frowning in confusion. Why would the Ministry be concerned about a creature that wasn’t dangerous? And why were they at Hogwarts, specifically, if this creature had been seen in various places around the country, and could Apparate and Disapparate at will?

“Alas!” said Dumbledore suddenly, gazing around at the perplexed faces before him. “You must all be famished! I daresay it’s time for our feast. Bon appétit!”

And just like that, the golden platters lining the tables filled with piles and piles of delicious food, and the pitchers filled with all sorts of different juices. It was only then that (F/N) realised how hungry she was, and dug in like the rest of her housemates.

Much later, (F/N) found herself in her dormitory and sitting on her soft bed, full to bursting with food, as Lily boasted about how good Gryffindor’s new first-years were as opposed to some of the others – _“None of ours were even_ slightly _naughty!”_ – and Julie, Cathy and Evelyn all got ready for bed.

Then, remembering their conversation from earlier in the evening, Lily turned to (F/N) and said, “So what had you all flustered earlier on?”

(F/N)’s eyes widened to the size of the golden platters at the feast and she shot her best friend a very dire look of warning. The other girls were talking noisily, gossiping and giggling about Sirius Black, of all people, but that certainly didn’t mean their ears wouldn’t prick up at the slightest suggestion of someone else having a boyfriend. (F/N) knew that if Julie or Cathy found out, at least, then fairly soon so would all of Gryffindor, and the other houses were sure to follow very quickly after.

Lily got the hint and managed to curb her curiosity until the others had fallen asleep about an hour later. Finally, unable to stand it, she pounced onto (F/N)’s bed, pulled the curtains closed around them and sat cross-legged and eager-faced opposite her best friend who had, in truth, been dying to tell her what was going on anyway.

“So, um … I’m not really sure how to say it, now …” (F/N) whispered.

“Oh for goodness’ sake, just spit it out!” Lily hissed, but her voice and expression were both playful. She reached over and nudged (F/N)’s knee in a pathetic sort of way, but (F/N) knew she would get rougher if she dithered any longer.

“Well, I’ve, er … got a boyfriend,” (F/N) muttered.

Lily clapped both hands over her mouth to stop herself from squealing and waking the other girls. “You haven’t!” she squeaked, as soon as she trusted herself not to speak at quadruple the necessary volume. “No _way!”_

(F/N) smiled. “Yes way,”

“Who?!”

“Who d’you think?”

Lily stopped in her tracks, obviously kicking herself for not thinking about it beforehand. “Of course …” she whispered slowly. Then, flicking herself in the forehead, she said, “ _Duh!”_

(F/N) eyed her warily. “You’re not upset, are you? I know how awful he was to you last year …”

“Oh, of _course_ I’m not upset!” said Lily, grinning broadly, reaching across the bed and pulling (F/N) into another hug. “I’m so glad you got there in the end …”

(F/N) smiled into Lily’s pyjama-clad shoulder and hugged her back. She took note of the way Lily trailed off, though, and decided to ask her why.

“Well, I mean … I assume this happened over the summer?” said Lily, pulling back.

(F/N) nodded. “After you left my train got cancelled, and I had to wait for the next one. Then Sev came along and we were chatting, the next train came, and he asked me out before it pulled out of the station,”

Lily grinned, but it was a wicked sort of smile, almost as if she could be plotting revenge while pretending to be happy. “So why didn’t you tell me about it in your next letter?”

“I wanted to tell you in person … It’s kind of a big deal for me …”

The playfully vengeful look on Lily’s face and in her eyes faded and was replaced with a soft, genuine smile. “I get it,” she said kindly. “I’m really, really happy for you. I just hope he treats you well, because so help him if he doesn’t …” Her voice took on a slight, but very alarming, murderous tone towards the end, almost as if she were shaking a threatening, metaphorical fist.

“Thanks, Lil,” said (F/N) gently. “I’m sure it’ll be all right …”

Lily smiled again. “Well, like I said, so help him if it isn’t!” she giggled quietly. “Anyway, I think you’ll be good for him. That boy needs a positive influence, especially with the sort he likes to hang out with these days …”

(F/N) knew that it wasn’t her responsibility to keep Severus out of the omnipresent shadows pressing in on all sides of his life, but she hoped that Lily was right and that she could be some sort of good influence where his other friends certainly weren’t. (F/N) also knew that it wasn’t her duty to ‘save’ Severus, but she _could_ be there for him, and defend him where possible.

Talk turned to how it was now Lily’s turn to get a boyfriend, and (F/N) teased her about Potter. Lily mimed vomiting at the thought of him so well that (F/N) thought she was about to get her bedspread covered in sick, so she settled for telling Lily that she got the picture perfectly well. In fact, the picture she’d painted was quite vivid.

Eventually, both girls found that sleep had caught up with them and it was time for them to join their roommates in slumber. Lily gave (F/N) one last hug for the night and clambered off her bed, straightening the curtains once outside. (F/N) listened as she padded softly across the room and climbed into her own bed. (F/N) snuggled down beneath the soft red duvet and felt herself growing sleepier by the second as she deliberately evened out her breathing. It was then that (F/N) realised that Lily had left the faint scent of lilies in the little enclosure around her bed, which was very comforting.

(F/N) was asleep within a minute, even before Lily who, on average, fell asleep faster than her.


	32. Chapter 32

The year got off to an excellent start and continued in the same vein for a couple of months. (F/N) and her friends found that, although their workload had increased (now that they were studying for their N.E.W.Ts next year), life at Hogwarts was far less stressful now than it had been as fifth-years. In fact, (F/N) hadn’t realised just how much she missed learning as opposed to cramming, and she found herself walking with a slight spring in her step wherever she went.

Not even the nearly-constant presence of the Marauders could get her down.

(F/N) wondered if Black, Potter, Lupin and Pettigrew were ever going to act their age and stop being so utterly obnoxious all the time, a grim curiosity that was often verbalised (quite loudly) by Lily whenever she found the boys particularly irksome. The four troublesome Gryffindors were now brasher and more arrogant than ever, and Potter and Black seemed only too keen to boast of their exploits in front of any females who would listen.

Nine times out of ten, (F/N) and Lily were unfortunate enough to have to count themselves among the girls to whom Potter and Black saw fit to announce their shameless activities. Far from impressing them (Lily in particular, as Potter still wasn’t content to take ‘no’ for an answer), both Lily and (F/N) found themselves repulsed by their bragging and often then gathered up their books and bags and vacated the area before one of them made some sort of clipped retort, stoking the fire further.

Lily’s unwanted attention from Potter aside, it had apparently become very clear to the rest of their year – particularly the Gryffindors – that Black seemed very interested in (F/N), far more than in previous years. (F/N) thought she must have rolled her eyes more times in the last few weeks than her entire life beforehand, so bored was she of hearing people tittering about how “handsome Sirius Black” was always “chasing Castor’s skirt”.

Needless to say, Severus hadn’t been particularly pleased to hear these rumours either. One day in Potions, he had been trying to concentrate on the Draught of Living Death Slughorn was teaching them, when Black had swaggered over in the middle of the practical and, in a very indelicate way indeed, asked (F/N) if she wanted to meet him later for what she could only assume was a ‘snog behind the broomsheds’, but which sounded a lot ruder when Black said it.

(F/N), although outraged, was surprised when Severus was the first to react. Hitherto he had not shown any indication that he and (F/N) were in a relationship and seemed reluctant to show any outward signs of affection towards her, but (F/N) had been fine with that, knowing it was his way. But, when Black came over to their workstation that day, something seemed to snap inside Severus and it was he who uttered the words, “Back off,” in a low, menacing tone.

“Oh? And what’re you going to do to make me, Snivellus?” Black sneered.

Severus stared him down and said nothing, but (F/N) was not oblivious to the fact that he was now standing very close to her – so close, in fact, that Black quickly noticed.

He chuckled, although he didn’t look or sound even remotely amused. “So Snivellus beat me to it, did he?” he said, grey eyes twinkling with mischief. “Thought you might have grown out of greasy-haired gits by now, (F/N) …”

Severus didn’t react this time, but (F/N) did. As Black started back towards his own table, (F/N) cast Scourgify on the dungeon floor to make it wet and slippery, then watched as Black stepped on that particular spot and went careening across the classroom and crashing straight into Professor Slughorn, bouncing off his belly.

Slughorn had not been pleased but seemed not to notice the thing that made Black so unsteady. After listening to him getting a good telling-off, (F/N) glanced at Severus and gave him a cheerful smile. Severus returned it, even if it was half the size of hers. The rest of the lesson had been wonderful, especially because Severus hadn’t told (F/N) off for adding a sprig of belladonna to the potion while his back was turned. It made the potion turn a deeper purple before fading to clear, and to emit a very potent, heady aroma while still managing to be a perfect Draught of Living Death. In fact, as they later discovered, adding the sprig extended the duration of the draught’s effectivity, something Severus had been very pleased with (F/N) for finding out.

(F/N) watched as he made notes in his copy of _Advanced Potion Making_. He didn’t seem to notice how she was looking over his shoulder, but she saw that he had made many, many notes in this book. The annotations seemed to be a mixture of corrections and improvements, and she was extremely proud to see that he deemed her little ‘discovery’ noteworthy.

“I should let you experiment more often,” he’d later remarked, smirking as he did so. (F/N) blushed, wondering what he meant, before concluding that he’d probably meant it exactly as he’d said it.

After that day, though, (F/N) felt as though she and Severus were becoming closer. On nice days, when they weren’t with their other friends, they would go down to the lake to sit under their old tree and read together or, if it wasn’t windy, they would do their homework there. Most people knew by then that they were seeing each other, courtesy of Black’s big mouth, so it was rare that they actually managed to spend any proper time together without being leered at by other students who, above all else, were curious to see exactly what kind of couple they made.

“I really don’t see what all the fuss is about,” said (F/N) one day, down by the lake. The wind was up, so there was no point in trying to write an essay or fill out the star chart set by their Astronomy professor. Her (H/C) hair flurried gently about her face, giving her cause to frequently flick it out of her face.

Severus simply stared at her, relatively expressionless, but thinking all manner of things. Could she really not see how lovely she was? Could she really not understand that the school wondered why she had chosen him over someone like Black? Severus remained quiet, simply taking in the fine features of her face and privately admiring them.

“What?” said (F/N) gently, after quite some time.

“What do you mean, ‘what’?” said Severus, suddenly feeling quite flustered. He picked up his book again and did his best to busy himself.

“You were staring …”

“Was I?”

“You know perfectly well …” (F/N) chuckled. Severus was quite stubbornly sitting with his knees up to his chest, his back against the tree, and his book held so high that (F/N) couldn’t see his face. She dared to shuffle closer to him and carefully pulled the book down so that she could look him in the eyes. “Tell me …” she said softly – so softly, in fact, that Severus (very much against his usual, unflappable manner) found himself feeling a little dithery.

“I was just looking at you …” he said sulkily, looking away as though afraid she could read _his_ mind. “Or am I not allowed?”

(F/N) chuckled again, a melodic sound that tinkled on the breeze. Severus dared himself to look at her again. “Of course you’re allowed,” she said. “I was just wondering _why_ ,”

“Do I need a reason?”

“No …”

“Well then,”

(F/N) grinned. Their small talk often went like that. She enjoyed winding him up a little bit because it was a very good way of showing her just how flustered he could get if she pushed the right buttons. If anything, it proved that he _did_ like her, and hadn’t just asked her out as a spur-of-the-moment thing. A sudden thought jumped to mind …

“Sev?”

“Mm?”

“Why _did_ you ask me out?”

Severus lowered his book again, very slowly, and looked at her as though she’d just asked him to do something very stupid, like go for a swim with a kelpie. “Why do you think?”

(F/N) rolled her eyes. “That’s why I’m asking,”

Severus sighed, realising he wasn’t getting out of this one. He closed his book and just gave (F/N) a very long, piercing look before answering. “I’d been thinking about it for a while,”

(F/N) hadn’t expected him to say that. She wasn’t sure what she _had_ expected, but if she’d had an inkling then that wouldn’t have been the first thing to occur to her.

“I knew I’d left it a bit too long after first finding out you liked me …” said Severus gently, tactfully skirting around the ‘incident’ that started all this. “… but when you refused to stop being my friend, even after Lily didn’t want anything to do with me, that … er …”

(F/N) smiled again and felt quite overwhelmed all of a sudden (in a very good way). She shook her head and said, “You don’t need to say any more,” She could see how awkward this was making him feel, after all. Clearly her continued friendship had meant a lot to him, and he’d been dwelling on it for some time. It was enough to make (F/N)’s chest swell.

After a short silence, Severus asked, “So why do you like me?”

A light flicked on in (F/N)’s head. It was suddenly obvious to her that this was something Severus had been thinking about since the day he’d found out about her crush. She grinned a wicked grin, turned to him and locked eyes. Piercing black met striking (E/C) and she said, _“Do I need a reason?”_

Severus smirked. “Touché,”

***

By Christmas, (F/N) thought that the year was shaping up to be one of the best so far. She and Lily were as close as ever, and her relationship with Severus had done nothing to hinder that. Her relationship was progressing slowly but surely, and she had been on a few proper ‘dates’ with Severus (including one to Hogsmeade). (F/N) also felt sure that, by the time the holidays arrived, she was completely on top of all her homework and, with a bit of light reading to keep her sharp during half-term, she felt as though she could allow herself to unwind before school resumed.

Upon her return to Hogwarts, the first person she had met with was Lily who wrapped her in one of her famous bear-hugs, grabbing her in a vicelike grip and seemingly trying to crush all of the air out of her. Only later had she managed to meet up with Severus, who had sent a letter via Cicero asking her to meet him in Aeolus’ glade after dinner on the first day.

Aeolus was fully grown now, so he didn’t need looking after at all. (F/N) had been a little choked up, seeing her ‘baby’ wandering around doing his own thing, but he still enjoyed her visits. Severus had indeed been waiting for her in the frosty clearing, leaning casually against a tree and, even though she would have loved to have greeted him with a small kiss (she had missed him over Christmas) she settled for speed-walking over to him and giving him a hug.

Best of all, (F/N) thought, was that Severus seemed more than happy to return the gesture. He held her firmly but gently, his arms enveloping her completely and holding her close. He simply smelled clean, which was nice on its own, but there was also a faint undertone of something surprisingly sweet yet spicy, like cinnamon. More than that, though, (F/N) felt completely safe in his embrace, and warmer than she had in quite some time.

Things were going very slow and steady between them, but (F/N) was still content with that. It was just as she let go of Severus, however, that he surprised her again by offering her his arm. (F/N) blushed, smiled and slipped her arm into his before they set off around the glade, wandering its perimeter and watching Aeolus, before leaving it behind and setting off on a slow walk towards the lake.

Upon exiting the forest, (F/N) spied in the near distance the tree that they liked to sit beneath. She wasn’t sure if Severus was discreetly reading her mind, though, because he suddenly said, “I was worried, you know,”

She gave a start and looked up at him, for he was nearly a head taller than her. “Worried about what?”

“Looking at that tree, it reminded me of you asking me why I asked you out,” he said. “And I was thinking just now that I was worried you’d say no,”

(F/N) was a little taken aback by his sudden frankness. Never before had he disclosed information of this nature to her, about his deepest feelings. (F/N)’s heart began to thud a little harder; did this mean he was finally comfortable around her, enough to talk about those subjects most personal to him?

“Why would I have said no?” (F/N) asked, genuinely confused.

“I didn’t know if I’d left it too long, like I told you before,” said Severus, leading her along the lakeshore, pebbles crackling beneath their feet. “I did wonder why you didn’t just ask me instead, though,”

(F/N) giggled, giving Severus cause to raise an eyebrow at her.

“What’s funny?”

“Nothing,” (F/N) laughed gently. “I suppose it’s all a bit silly now, looking back. But I wouldn’t have _dared_ ask you out myself … I mean, it looked for all the world like you didn’t see me that way, so I wanted to spare myself further humiliation,”

Severus smirked again, as he was prone to doing. “Well, I was surprised when I found out. I guess waiting this long gave me time to work things out for myself,”

(F/N) smiled, although mostly to herself. She didn’t mind that it had taken this long, because they got there in the end. She had what she wanted, and she was more than happy.

Severus walked her back to Gryffindor Tower and, daring to be bold, (F/N) bade him goodnight with a gentle peck on the cheek. Severus made his way back to the dungeons with his cheek tingling, like he’d been in the sun a bit too long. (F/N) gave the Fat Lady the password while trying to ignore the way the woman kept waggling her eyebrows at her.

Back in the common room, (F/N) did her best to ignore Black’s wolf-whistling as she crossed the floor to the girls’ dormitory staircase, and hurried upstairs to see Lily. She flopped down on Lily’s bed, where she had a book open in front of her crossed legs, and sighed happily.

“Good date?” Lily asked, winking at (F/N). Now, (F/N) thought, Lily really was the greatest friend because it didn’t seem to matter to her that she’d fallen out with Severus; she would always ask how things were going and periodically check in on (F/N) to make sure she was all right.

(F/N) rolled onto her side and grinned at Lily, before launching into the story of how Severus had sent for her by owl and had been waiting for her where Aeolus liked to nest. Lily had administered yet another warning about the forest, bringing up Hogwarts’ ‘guests’ for the umpteenth time since term resumed, but was soon side-tracked by (F/N) telling her about how Severus had linked arms with her.

“You’ll be holding hands next – mark my words,” Lily chuckled.

(F/N) didn’t want to get her hopes up, but she really did hope so.

***

One Friday afternoon in late February, the Gryffindors and Slytherins found themselves in another of Slughorn’s increasingly difficult Potions classes. This time they were learning about and brewing Amortentia, an extremely powerful Love Potion. Lily had winked across the classroom at (F/N) upon her discovery of what they were doing that day. She could not, however, ignore Potter’s extraordinarily annoying remarks about how he didn’t need a Love Potion to convince him of who the girl for him was.

The same sort of cheesy remark could be heard coming from Black’s direction, but his sickeningly flirtatious comments were leavened with some very subtle but very nasty jibes directed at Severus, all of which made Pettigrew giggle like one of the girls in their class might. Severus, on the other hand, did not rise to the bait and instead kept his attention fixed on the lesson.

It was an odd sort of lesson, (F/N) thought about halfway through. A few people had been invited to the front of the classroom to take a sniff of the Amortentia brewed by Slughorn, to set an example to them of what a successfully brewed potion should look and smell like. (F/N) realised the only problem was that Amortentia’s scent was very subjective. It would smell different to each and every one of them.

It was for this reason that, when everyone got up to gather their ingredients and set up their workstations, almost every student who hadn’t been called to the front passed that cauldron and leaned over to take in the scent for themselves. (F/N) did it too, and was not surprised to find that, to her, Amortentia had a fresh, clean scent with undertones of that faintly sweet scent that belonged to Severus. She also picked up on the scent that was unique to old books, as well as an aroma that she associated with her village during the summer – the smell of wildflowers and warm countryside.

Severus had gone up to fetch ingredients before (F/N), and she had seen him sweep past the cauldron as well, taking a quick, tentative sniff before doing the thing he’d got up to do and returning swiftly to their table. (F/N) really wanted to ask Severus what Amortentia smelled like to him, but for some reason her mouth would not form the question. She knew that he must have suspected her of wanting to ask, but she simply wasn’t able to.

Pushing the thought from her mind, (F/N) concentrated on the making of the potion and made sure she didn’t deviate this time. Something about this potion demanded seriousness, although (F/N) couldn’t put her finger on why it made her feel that way. To her left, Severus also brewed his Amortentia but every so often he would stop to scribble something in his textbook.

Over the months, (F/N) found this was a habit of his that she admired a great deal. Once, though, she had spotted a few spells jotted down … and they were nothing she’d ever come across in her studies. She had therefore concluded that they were of Severus’ own invention, like the one he’d used in Hogsmeade before, and her respect for him only increased. She badly wanted to ask him to teach her, but then he would know she’d been reading over his shoulder … and he would also probably know that she’d seen the nickname he’d given himself, which she also liked.

(F/N) was pleased to note, several minutes later, that even though she had spaced out for a considerable length of time she seemed to be about halfway through successfully brewing her potion. Steam was beginning to rise from her cauldron in spirals, but it didn’t smell of anything yet and it certainly didn’t have its characteristic mother-of-pearl sheen. As she was stirring hers in the manner specified by her textbook (Severus hadn’t seen fit to amend that part), she glanced over at Severus’ cauldron and saw that his potion was nearly finished.

(F/N) quickly went back to her own potion, not wanting Severus to think that she was stuck. Next to him, she often felt quite inept despite having been told countless times by him and others that she was nothing of the sort. Just as she was thinking this, the moonstone she was attempting to grind into a fine powder with her mortar and pestle started to try her patience. The tiniest of rocks were left in the bottom of the mortar, and she simply couldn’t get them underneath the pestle long enough to grind them; they were so small and round that they kept flying out from underneath.

Noticing her struggling, Severus silently moved to where (F/N) was standing and gently took the implements from her. (F/N) started suddenly, not just because she hadn’t heard or seen him approaching (her hair had fallen in front of her face) but also because his slender fingers had brushed hers as he took the mortar and pestle.

“Let me help,” he said softly, his voice barely more than a purr. “You should be keeping an eye on that,” He nodded casually towards the cauldron, which was now smoking a little more than it should have. (F/N) smiled and nodded back, taking command of the cauldron while Severus ground the stubborn moonstone granules for her. When he was done, he shook the contents of the mortar straight into the cauldron. It hissed.

“You know the rest,” he said.

“Thank you …” said (F/N) quietly, feeling the heat rising in her cheeks.

Severus smirked, and (F/N) knew immediately that she had given herself away. Worse still, Severus didn’t make any comment whatsoever. (F/N) almost wished he would, so that she could get some insight into what he was actually thinking.

It also then occurred to (F/N) that Severus _knew_ just how flustered she got every time he smirked like that, and _that_ was why he did it. She suspected, though, that he had little to no idea that it actually made her more than just a little hot under the collar …

From that day onward, (F/N) found herself struggling to draw her attention away from how attractive she found him. It even got to a point where Professor McGonagall noticed how she seemed to be in a far-off dreamworld, because (F/N) was now spending a lot more time in her company owing to the fact that she had asked her head of house about becoming an Animagus.

“You appear distracted recently, Miss Castor,” said McGonagall one afternoon, tilting her head as though looking for some sort of physical attribute on (F/N)’s person, which she could then blame for her peculiar behaviour. “Are you not progressing in your study of this discipline?”

(F/N) looked up at her professor, startled. Well, she thought, she _wasn’t_ progressing at all but that wasn’t what had her feeling so dithery. Now that she thought about it, pushing thoughts of her relationship from her mind (she felt sure that Professor McGonagall knew that she was seeing someone anyway), she had been finding the entire process of becoming an Animagus extraordinarily difficult. Surely, if the Marauders had managed it at such a young age (even Pettigrew) then she ought to be able as well?

(F/N) couldn’t help but feel a little dejected. She had approached Professor McGonagall about this, because she had been thinking of all the times she’d ever heard the Marauders calling each other by their new nicknames and, knowing _why_ they called themselves those names, this had inspired an odd sort of jealousy in (F/N), and she had found herself wanting to be an Animagus herself. She thought it all sounded very exciting, and thought it would be a wonderful learning curve, but now that she was actually learning the magic behind it (she had already brewed the potion for it the month prior) she was finding that this particular piece of magic seemed beyond her …

It was a horrible thing, to feel as though she had finally come across magic that had bested her.

Almost as if she knew what (F/N) was thinking, Professor McGonagall smiled kindly, although she did still look rather stern. Since her Transfiguration O.W.L the previous year, (F/N) had grown close to Professor McGonagall and, although the deputy headmistress tried very hard not to pick favourites among her students, (F/N) Castor had definitely wriggled her way into her affections and she had done it rather effortlessly.

“I quite understand, Miss Castor,” said McGonagall gently. “It is a tricky bit of magic you’re trying to perform. I wholeheartedly believe that you are capable of whatever you set your mind to, but some things take time to grasp and I think this may be one of them,”

(F/N) nodded sadly and hung her head, although she was pleased that McGonagall didn’t think she was a _complete_ failure.

“I think it would perhaps be wise for you to take a nice break from this for a little while, and come back to it when your mind is fresh and ready,” said the deputy headmistress, again smiling gently down at her student where she sat at one of the empty desks. “Concentrate on your homework and your other studies; they are most important. _And …”_

(F/N) looked up, wondering what was going to be said next.

“I heard that Professor Slughorn is hosting another of his parties soon, yes?”

(F/N) nodded, hardly able to believe that she had forgotten.

“Then you should have a very nice evening coming your way. I would take that as an opportunity to unwind a little,”

(F/N) was stunned at how gently she was being treated, although she hadn’t expected McGonagall to be _harsh_ , exactly. She smiled at her professor and nodded. “Thank you …”

Professor McGonagall smiled and went back to her desk. “You may go and prepare for dinner,” she said, as she began shuffling papers around and stacking books. “And do _not_ fret about it,”

(F/N) looked at Professor McGonagall as she put her books back in her bag and smiled. Clearly, she thought, McGonagall knew her far too well. “Yes, Professor,”

So (F/N) did just as she had been told and went straight to Gryffindor Tower to drop off her bag and then wait for Lily in the common room. Lily had been spending a lot of time in the library recently, probably because it was the quietest place in the school and she hardly ever got a break these days, what with her Prefect duties and Potter harassing her.

She sat waiting for her friend in one of the squashy armchairs in front of the fire, absentmindedly twirling her wand and casting random, ineffective spells that mostly just produced sparkles that floated like snowflakes to the floor. It was just as she started to turn the sparkles blue rather than yellow that Haydn came through the portrait hole, looking slightly out of breath.

“You okay, there?” asked (F/N), looking up at him. Haydn flopped down into the armchair opposite her and blew his fringe out of his eyes.

“You’ll never guess what I just heard Potter and Black talking about,” he said.

(F/N) raised an eyebrow and smirked at him. “Try me,” she said. “They’re not very good at keeping their voices down,”

Haydn chuckled. “Well, you know how they’re calling each other by weird nicknames now?”

(F/N) smiled. “Yeah,” she said. “They’re Animagi,”

Haydn’s eyes widened. “How d’you know?”

“I worked it out last year,” she said. “I overheard them talking in here one evening, when they thought no one was around. They’d been plotting it for ages, I think,”

Haydn nodded, feeling a little underwhelmed. “Damn,” he said. “I thought I was the first to know,”

(F/N) smiled apologetically. “I take it they didn’t know you were there?”

“No,” said Haydn, shaking his woolly blond head. “I don’t think they would’ve been very happy if they’d seen me. We were only in the courtyard, so it’s anyone’s guess why they were talking so loudly … plus I’m kind of hard to miss …”

(F/N) grinned again. It was true; Haydn was probably the tallest in their year by about five inches, so exactly _how_ he’d managed to stay hidden …

“Anyway, I suppose it’s none of my business what they’re up to,” said Haydn reasonably. “Although …”

(F/N) looked up, wondering what Haydn was thinking. “Although?” she prompted.

“Wouldn’t it be cool to be an Animagus?” he said, with a dreamy look on his face. “I’d never be able to accomplish something like that, but … it would be awesome,”

(F/N) frowned slightly. Haydn was a skilled wizard, but he lacked confidence. “Haydn, you could be an Animagus if you really wanted,” she said. “Listen, I asked McGonagall about it a while ago and she’s been trying to teach me how, but I’ve had no luck. Maybe you’d like to try?”

“Oh, (F/N) … If _you_ can’t do it, I don’t stand a chance!”

But (F/N) wasn’t listening. She’d jumped up from her chair and was running to her dormitory to fetch the phial containing the Animagus potion she’d brewed. When she returned, it was to see Haydn wearing the most confused expression she’d ever witnessed. She sat back down, showed him the phial and explained what he had to do.

“Do you really think I can do it?” he said uncertainly.

“Of course I do!” said (F/N) adamantly. “You’re brilliant!”

Haydn looked very doubtful, but he had no time to protest further – or, indeed, ask why (F/N) seemed to have given up on becoming an Animagus herself – because several more Gryffindors were filing into the common room, Lily among them. She made a beeline for (F/N) and sat on the arm of her chair, letting out a deep sigh.

“All right, Lil?” said (F/N), patting her arm.

“Yeah …” she said, sounding exhausted. “Potter’s getting worse by the day. D’you know, he tried to stop me coming up to the tower, saying he’d only let me pass if I went out with him?” As soon as she said this, she noticed (F/N)’s (E/C) eyes darken in anger.

“I swear … if he doesn’t stop …” she growled.

“Don’t worry about me,” said Lily, patting her arm in return. “I can handle him, and I don’t want you getting noticed by Black. You get enough grief from him as it is,”

(F/N) was grateful to her because Black’s antics had certainly got worse too (and more noticeable) as of late, but she still couldn’t shift the anger that kept threatening to consume her. She couldn’t understand what was so difficult to understand about the word ‘no’, but she hoped that things would get better for Lily sooner rather than later.

It took a few days, but after a while Lily seemed to catch a break. In the lead-up to Slughorn’s next Slug Club party, Potter seemed to let up but that didn’t seem to fill Lily with confidence. Sitting together in the courtyard on the fine spring afternoon before the party, Lily delicately informed (F/N) that she would not be going that evening, even though she’d been invited by their Potions professor.

“Oh no, Lil! Why not?” (F/N) gasped.

“Because if I go, Potter’s bound to pester me into taking him as my date and I can’t be bothered with it all …”

“Then I’ll see him off! Why should you sacrifice a fun night because of him?”

Lily looked at her friend with very soft eyes but shook her head gently. “Don’t worry, I’ve got too much work to catch up on anyway. You have fun for me!”

No matter how many times (F/N) tried to persuade her into going, Lily was determined not to come along. She helped (F/N) get ready though, and chatted away to her about how to do her hair and whether she should paint her nails and other girly things that were reserved only for occasions such as these.

“I take it Severus is going with you tonight?” said Lily as she magically wound (F/N)’s hair into an intricate woven style, so that it looked as though her hair was actually a beautiful braided headdress.

(F/N) blushed and smiled. Lily may not have considered Severus her friend anymore, but she appreciated the fact that she would always ask these sorts of questions and check in to make sure that everything was okay between him and (F/N). “Yeah,” said (F/N) quietly. “Although he was already going, I think …”

Lily came around to (F/N)’s front and looked her in the eyes. “Is everything all right?”

“Yeah, fine, thanks!” said (F/N) hurriedly. “Why?”

“Well, you just … seem a little bit down about it,” said Lily kindly. “I mean, have you guys even …?”

“ _What?!”_ (F/N) gasped. “No!”

Lily laughed. “No, I didn’t mean _that!”_ she said. “I _meant,_ have you two even kissed yet?”

“Oh …” said (F/N), feeling her heart rate coming down. “Well, the answer’s still the same,”

Lily’s eyes were still kind, and she was still smiling. “Well, you look absolutely _gorgeous_ right now so if he hasn’t kissed you by tonight then maybe we should start questioning his eyesight,”

(F/N) laughed, snorting a little at the same time. “Maybe,” she said, once the laughter had subsided. “Then again, you know what he’s like. I shouldn’t get my hopes up,”

“Why don’t you make the first move?” said Lily.

“I don’t want to push it too far, or too quickly … I might scare him off,”

Both girls laughed again. Chatting while getting ready put (F/N) in a much better mood than she had been in before, and she felt so laidback while making her way to the portrait hole that even Black’s catcalls couldn’t cloud her mind. She climbed elegantly out into the cool corridor before smoothing out her dress. Lily had insisted that the deep ruby, knee-length dress that (F/N) had been waiting for a chance to wear since Christmas was the way to go that evening, and she was glad she’d listened to her … although she was worried that the scars on her leg were noticeable. Lily assured her that they weren’t.

She descended the staircase quietly, in flat, red, lace-up pumps, and clutching her little bag. She had already noticed Severus standing with his back to the stairs, obviously having chosen to wait there rather than right outside Gryffindor Tower, probably so that the Marauders wouldn’t get to him first. When there were only a couple of stairs left for (F/N), Severus turned suddenly and froze.

“W-what?” (F/N) stammered, looking around wildly for any sign of what made Severus react in such a way. When she turned back to him, she was quietly delighted to see him blushing.

“Nothing,” he said quickly, offering (F/N) his arm.

“Are you sure?” she pressed gently, linking her arm with his and walking back towards the dungeons.

“Yeah, just …” Severus stopped himself, blushing harder.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to –,”

“You look nice,” he said, apparently determined not to be put off. “Really nice,”

(F/N) blushed as red as her dress and stammered out a thank-you. “You look good too,”

Severus obviously had one set of dress robes, but they were very nice ones. Just black – of course – but he was wearing a dark green shirt underneath. He’d combed his hair back a little, but (although he’d hate to have the comparison drawn) his was just like Potter’s insofar as being unruly and disobedient – although, admittedly, Severus’ looked easier to tame.

That, or Potter simply didn’t try.

With it being April already, the days were getting longer and warmer and so (F/N) had thought ahead, seized the proverbial bull by its horns and asked Severus if he wanted to take a walk with her later after the party. Severus’ answer had been yes, but he had also asked if she realised that Slughorn was unlikely to let them out of his sight until well after dark.

(F/N)’s only reply had been a cheeky glint in her eye. She wasn’t planning for them to be out _too_ long after curfew, but she had thought it would be nice for them to take an evening walk together without having to think about where the Marauders might be, for example.

They made their way down the quiet corridors leading to the dungeons, their footfalls echoing off the cavernous stone walls. Every time they passed a window (F/N) would glance outside, unsure of what she was hoping to see. The sky was a very light blue and was beginning to give way to the pale gold of sunset. Occasionally a bird would fly past, chirruping its evening song. Soon enough, though, they had moved too deeply into the bowels of the castle for there to be any sign of the twilight or evening wildlife, and as they continued their steady descent the quietness became heavier by the second.

That was, of course, until they rounded a corner and heard music blaring from Slughorn’s beloved magical gramophone, behind one of the closed doors along the next corridor.

When they reached the door of the classroom in which the party was being held, (F/N) recognised Hufflepuff Davey Gudgeon standing on ceremony outside. He looked to be taking his role very seriously, with his arms folded neatly behind his back and his chin held up like a proper guardsman, but when he saw (F/N) his face broke into his usual silly grin.

“I was wondering when you two would show up,” he said. “Slughorn keeps poking his head out every five minutes, asking where his ‘little inventor’ is,”

(F/N) scoffed. “Yeah, _right_ ,”

Davey grinned all the more. “No, seriously! You’re one of his best. Evans too, of course. Where is she, by the way? I thought she’d be down with you?”

(F/N) shook her head sadly. “She had stuff to catch up on,” she said simply, and Davey gave a resigned sort of shrug.

“Ah, well. Can’t be helped, I suppose. You go on in and have some fun,”

“Thanks, Dave,” said (F/N) with a sweet smile. She felt Severus tense his arm in an almost protective way as Davey smiled back.

“No problem,” he replied as he opened the door for them. “Knock ‘em dead! ‘Course, you always do,”

(F/N) blushed and, at the same time, she could have sworn she saw Severus frown for a fraction of a second. They stepped inside the large dungeon and were met with the sight of the room having been decorated with sparkling gold streamers, deep gold, velvet drapes and glittering chiffon-esque tablecloths covering every other flat surface. Candles floated overhead just as they did in the Great Hall, and in the centre of the room stood Professor Slughorn, chatting merrily away to a couple of third-years he’d obviously collected at some point.

(F/N) gently slipped her arm out of Severus’ and began rummaging around in her bag for something. Severus thought nothing of it, at least not until (F/N) plunged her arm into the bag almost up to her elbow. It had just occurred to him then, too, that (F/N)’s dress had long sleeves, and he thought it very likely that she had chosen this dress partly because it hid the scars on her left arm …

(F/N) looked up and saw that Severus was wearing a very ‘what-the-hell’ kind of expression. She grinned and said, “Undetectable Extension Charm,” before pulling out a beautifully wrapped box of confectionery.

Severus quickly snapped out of his surprise at seeing (F/N) elbow-deep in her bag and smirked. “You’re a very clever witch,” he said quietly.

(F/N) blushed crimson and gave him a shy little smile, before turning quickly on her heels, skirt twirling about her legs, and almost danced over to Slughorn. He greeted her by pulling her into what could only be described as a sideways hug, holding her by the arm furthest from him and squeezing her to his very plump side.

“These are for you, Professor,” said (F/N) cheerfully, offering Slughorn the box. His eyes lit up at once.

“Oh, _my!”_ he cried with delight. “You know me well, my dear, yes indeed! Crystallised pineapple … My all-time favourite!”

Slughorn thanked her a few times, despite (F/N)’s insistences that it was a token of gratitude for inviting her again, but the gift seemed to have a fortunate side-effect: Slughorn didn’t ask where Lily was. (F/N) thought it was just as well, because she knew how Lily hated making excuses, therefore the fewer questions asked the better. She knew she’d be pleased.

(F/N) made her way back to Severus, who had parked himself in a quiet(er) corner of the room on his own. She was pleasantly surprised, however, when Severus took her gently by the elbow and pulled her closer as soon as she was within reaching distance.

“Are you all right?” she asked, looking up into his fathomless black eyes.

“Fine …” he said, although he certainly didn’t look fine. “Why?”

“I just know you hate these things,” said (F/N), suppressing a light chuckle.

“Yeah, well … It’ll be over soon,”

“That’s surprisingly optimistic, Sev,” (F/N) teased, poking him playfully in the side. “You’re not drunk, are you?”

Severus’ eyes bore into her with such intensity that (F/N) found herself unable to focus on discerning whether he found her comment funny or not. His gaze was almost burning, searing into her, and being in such close proximity to him only made her tingle. She couldn’t hide the shiver that wracked her body and looked away hurriedly.

The evening passed surprisingly quickly, for (F/N) at least. People would come and chat to them from time to time, but between times Severus was simply looking for an excuse to leave – _with_ (F/N), of course. He soon realised it was going to be trickier than simply getting (F/N) to say her goodnights to everyone and come with him, so he settled for steadily inching towards her, forcing her to move back towards the door. It was faintly amusing to him that she didn’t seem to notice, all because she was acutely aware of how close they were standing, and she appeared to be trying not to stand in his personal space …

Severus was quite right, of course, about (F/N) not realising how close to the door he’d edged her. It wasn’t until they were outside, suddenly, in the cool, dimly lit corridor that (F/N) realised what had happened, and Severus was proven correct in his theory that (F/N) was afraid to touch him ‘out of turn’. He had pulled her outside by the wrist, and she had blushed quite a violent shade of pink when she realised what he’d been doing all along.

Noticing that Davey was gone – there was no need to stand outside at this hour – Severus dipped his head so that he could look (F/N) in the eyes (she was avoiding looking at him). “Why are you still so shy?” he asked.

(F/N) was surprised, to say the least. “Shy?” she asked stupidly.

“Well, you don’t seem to like looking right at me,” he replied a little blankly. He had drawn himself back up to full height and, while (F/N) didn’t find him intimidating herself, she could easily see why some people _might_.

She blinked up at him, (E/C) eyes glittering in the dim lighting. “Of course I like looking at you …” she said quietly, worrying that he was offended. “I’m just aware of how much you’re able to learn from someone if they’re not a skilled Occlumens,”

Severus wanted to smile but kept it to himself. So, he thought, she was worried he’d read into her too much. He’d have been lying if he told her he hadn’t tried, and succeeded on occasion, but he wouldn’t let on to her that, so far, hers was one of the hardest minds to break through.

“I won’t use Legilimency if you don’t want me to,” he said calmly. (F/N) still looked uncomfortable but she nodded regardless. Severus suppressed a small sigh and asked another burning question. “Why are you so nervous about being close to me? You’ve walked with me before, you’ve hugged me …”

(F/N) could hear a barely concealed note of hurt in his voice and she shook her head vehemently. “I’m not nervous!” she protested gently. “You just seem to like your personal space and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Everyone knows you hate gatherings like that as it is …”

Severus did smirk then. She knew him quite well, but not well enough. There was still a heavy dusting of pink across her cheekbones and she was wringing her fingers in what Severus deemed a betrayal of her statement that she was not, in fact, nervous. She looked very nervous indeed. With hardly a thought, he reached out and untangled her hands from each other before entwining his own with hers.

He held on quite firmly as she baulked, clearly still feeling as though she was pushing him to do something he didn’t want to do, and uncertain that she was within her rights to accept his touch if she wanted to …

Wordlessly, Severus led (F/N) away up to the ground floor of the castle, where bright white moonlight streamed through the large mullioned windows and lit the way far better than the sconces down in the dungeons. He took her the long way back to Gryffindor Tower, easing her into the feeling of holding hands until, finally, she fell into an easy pace (although her shorter steps were like that of a fairy compared to his longer strides). The cool corridors even began to feel a little cosier as she gently brushed shoulders with him while they walked.

Or, rather, her shoulder brushed his arm.

(F/N) thought their walk had ended much too soon when they suddenly arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady. The Lady looked sternly at (F/N) but soon let her off on being out past curfew when she learned where she’d been. She turned to Severus and was about to thank him for staying with her that evening when it occurred to her that they hadn’t said a word since leaving the party.

She looked up into Severus’ dark eyes and allowed herself to be completely open to him. She felt very strange for the fleetest of seconds, and the next moment she observed a flicker of a smile forming on Severus’ thin lips.

“You know, I thought you were scared of me,” he said into the silence.

“Of you? Never,” she replied honestly.

“Good,”

(F/N) dropped her gaze as she thought, once again, how attractive she thought he was. He cut an impressive figure, standing on the stairs with her, and even at night his black eyes glinted like onyxes. These were things she didn’t really want him to catch her thinking right now …

There was a moment, though, when (F/N) turned back to him where something very peculiar and _new_ happened. She wasn’t sure if it was the nearly deafening silence making her dizzy, or if it was all in her imagination, but something seemed to be pushing them together. It wasn’t until they were mere feet from each other, and (F/N) dared to hope, that the portrait opened up and out swaggered Sirius Black.

“Ooh, back from the party, are we?” he said in a sing-song voice, not unlike that of Peeves. Then he stopped mid-jeer and looked from (F/N) to Severus and back again with an almost incredulous sneer. “You weren’t going to _kiss,_ were you?!”

“What business is it of yours?” (F/N) snapped, suddenly finding her voice.

“Just looking out for a fellow Gryffindor, love,” said Black, grey eyes glinting dangerously as he regarded Severus. “No one’ll ever go near you again if you let _him_ …”

(F/N) wasn’t sure what happened. Black flew backwards as though having been hit by a spell, and it wasn’t until she had spun around to check that this magic hadn’t come from Severus that she realised it had instead come from her in her anger.

“Don’t you _dare_ …” she snarled, after coming to terms with what she’d done. Black was picking himself up off the floor and dusting his jacket down as if that sort of thing happened all the time, but he did look slightly dazed.

“I must say, Castor …” said Black nonchalantly, as if she hadn’t said anything at all. “You’re getting good with that wandless magic of yours,”

(F/N) stood rigid in the candlelight, silently fuming. Severus barely reacted at all, but he was quietly impressed by (F/N)’s power.

“I guess I’ll leave you lovebirds to it,” said Black moments later, beginning to descend the marble staircase. “I’m not really one for voyeurism, especially not if what I’m watching is likely to make me heave,”

(F/N) watched him go and ended up admiring her own restraint as she resisted the urge to run after him and kick him down the rest of the stairs. She turned back to Severus and muttered darkly, “I swear, one of these days, I’m gonna kill him …”

Severus smirked. “You’re too soft for that,”

(F/N) cocked an eyebrow and smirked right back. “Oh yeah? How much are you willing to bet?”

Severus considered her for a moment before letting out a small chuckle. It was a low, velvety sound that gave (F/N) goose bumps, almost as if it originated deep in his chest, and (F/N) would have been lying if she said it hadn’t made her feel just a little bit warmer than usual.

“Now that I think about it …” said Severus slowly, enunciating the final ‘t’ and drawing the sentence out. “… you do seem the scrappy sort,”

(F/N) feigned offence and swatted him playfully. “How rude,” she teased. “Anyway, I should let you get on. You’ve got to get back yet …”

Severus merely nodded and bade her goodnight. (F/N) watched him go as far as possible before he went out of sight, then went inside. A few thoughts occurred to her then, however, as they often did when she found herself alone again …

The first was that she was _sure_ that she had been about to have her first kiss, but it had been cruelly interrupted by Sirius Black, the blithering idiot …

The second thought concerned said blithering idiot. What was he doing leaving the tower at nearly midnight, fully dressed and seemingly with a sense of purpose? And where were his friends?

She didn’t have too much longer to dwell on it, however, as she soon found that Lily had been waiting up for her and was dying to know how it all went. So, she spent the next hour quietly filling her in on the details, while other, less cheerful events were taking place elsewhere at Hogwarts …


	33. Chapter 33

The day after Slughorn’s party, (F/N) was quite taken aback by Severus’ absence at breakfast. She sat beside Lily as always and was so preoccupied with craning her head around to see if she could spot him that she didn’t notice Cicero stamping impatiently around on the table in front of her, holding two letters in his sharp little beak. In the end, the little owl had to knock over the sugar bowl to get her attention.

Severus wasn’t in Potions either, which was their first lesson of the day. Black, Potter and Pettigrew seemed quite animated about something (Lupin was still visiting his sick mother), and seeing their suspiciously mirthful faces from across the classroom screwed (F/N)’s stomach into horribly tight knots. She found herself feeling most impatient to get Study of Ancient Runes out of the way (a class she didn’t share with Severus anyway) so that she could spend her break looking for him.

When the bell finally rang, (F/N) told Lily she’d catch up with her just before Transfiguration and rushed to the hospital wing, following her instinct. She had found Severus there several times before now, and she didn’t see why this time would be any different. Severus wasn’t the type to skip lessons to hang out with his friends or anything silly like that, so (F/N) made sure not to dawdle and also to avoid any corridors with lots of students milling about.

(F/N) practically dived into the hospital wing when she arrived, panting and slightly pink in the cheeks. A great surge of relief mingled with new concerns washed over her as she saw, about halfway down the ward, Severus sitting by himself on one of the beds. She bustled over but was quickly waylaid by the school matron.

“Mr Snape needs to rest, Miss Castor …”

“Please, Madam Pomfrey … I had no idea anything happened to him, I’ve been so worried all morning … Just five minutes? Please?” (F/N) begged, looking into Madam Pomfrey’s face with beseeching (E/C) eyes. In her peripheral, (F/N) could see Severus watching.

Madam Pomfrey seemed conflicted for a moment before finally rolling her eyes, tutting like it was a very big deal indeed, and reluctantly granting permission for (F/N) to visit Severus. Just before she could pull up a chair at his bedside, however, Madam Pomfrey stopped her again.

“I hear you’re making excellent progress with healing charms and potions, Miss Castor …” said the matron, in a much kinder tone than before. “Perhaps you would be so kind as to pour your friend some more Calming Draught? I have other medicines to prepare for my stores, and with another Quidditch match coming up I can’t afford to admit any casualties without any remedies in the cupboards …”

(F/N) smiled and nodded. “Of course,” she said, taking the bottle Madam Pomfrey was holding out to her. “I’d be honoured. And it’s good practice,”

Madam Pomfrey left them to it. (F/N) took the small glass on Severus’ bedside table, cleaned it with a simple spell, before measuring out the correct amount of draught for him to take. He sipped it steadily, but (F/N) wasn’t sure if that was because his hand was shaking or not.

“What _happened?”_ she whispered in horror. “Are you okay?”

Severus was silent for several minutes. He seemed to have gone back to the way he was before: far, _far_ less talkative. However, once he’d finished his dose of Calming Draught, he looked (F/N) square in the eyes and said, “I followed Black last night,”

“What do you mean?” (F/N) asked. “What happened?”

“I’ve been suspicious about where he and his friends wander off to every month,” said Severus simply, with a blasé shrug of his shoulders. “You know, because Lupin goes to ‘visit his mother’,”

(F/N) couldn’t help noticing how he looked around then, as if to make sure no one was listening. Then, quickly, he took out his wand and waved it once, muttering, “Muffliato,” (F/N) grinned in spite of herself; this was a very useful spell indeed, and now she knew how to cast it without even asking him to show her …

“Why were you suspicious of where they go?” (F/N) asked gently.

“You mean you never noticed yourself?” said Severus grimly. “Odd how all four of them go together, and most of the time it’s at night … and _always_ during a full moon,”

The way Severus said ‘full moon’ was steeped in meaning, and (F/N)’s mind was immediately buzzing. “You don’t mean he’s a …?”

Severus nodded slowly.

“But _Lupin?”_ (F/N) squeaked. “He’s the last person you’d think would be a … a …”

“Werewolf,” said Severus, filling in for her.

(F/N) was quiet for a moment and stared at the side of Severus’ bed. She wasn’t a fan of the Marauders, but she couldn’t help feeling sorry for Lupin right now. Lycanthropy was a terrible affliction … No one deserved it … The more she thought about it though, the more sense it made. She _had_ noticed a pattern with the Marauders’ excursions, but she supposed Severus would pay more attention than she did.

“Anyway,” said (F/N), shaking these thoughts from her mind. “I’m worried about _you._ What happened last night?”

“I …” Severus began, then stopped himself. What would he tell her? That Black had suggested going through the tunnel under the Whomping Willow and see for himself where they went every month? No, she’d go mad if he told her that … but what kind of white lie could stand in for the truth this time?

Severus had been thinking too long and too hard. For the first time in a long time, Severus had been caught out.

“You’re thinking too much. Please, just tell me the truth …”

Severus couldn’t deny her when she spoke to him like that. So softly and with such pleading eyes … He told her everything.

“I know it was idiotic …”

“No,” said (F/N) hotly. “No, he took advantage of you … Sev, you could’ve been seriously hurt, or _killed_!”

He looked up again to see tears welling in (F/N)’s eyes. Something pulled uncomfortably in his chest; he was touched by how upset she was for him …

“I wasn’t though, was I? Thanks to that other dunderhead, _Potter …”_

(F/N) knew that small fact wasn’t ever going to sit well with Severus. Having his life saved by one of the boys he hated most … (F/N) could imagine how it would feel if she’d been rescued by Nolan. She’d have been sick to her stomach, but, then again, she’d rather that than being mauled to death by a werewolf who knew no better at the time …

Silence fell between them. Severus watched as (F/N) shook her head, again and again in very small motions. At length she said, “I still can’t believe Black would do something so reckless … even for him. Endangering someone’s life …”

She didn’t see the need to tell Severus, because other snippets of information to make him angrier wouldn’t do him any good at all at that moment in time, but (F/N) felt sure she now knew why the other three Marauders had become Animagi. She had read somewhere that werewolves only attacked humans, so it stood to reason that Lupin’s three best friends had become animals to keep him company during his undoubtedly horrific monthly transformations.

“I think you should go to Dumbledore,” said (F/N) suddenly, without thinking. She thought it wasn’t in Severus’ nature to get anyone expelled the way she had with Nolan, but she felt equally certain that he was within his rights to report what Black had done, at the very least. “I’m sure he’ll already know about Lupin’s condition, but Black was out of order. Like I said, you could’ve been _killed,”_

Severus nodded a little. “You know, I’ve been looking for ways to get them kicked out for ages now, and I doubt this will be the thing that does it,”

“Why on earth not?”

“Well, it’s like you said, isn’t it? Dumbledore probably already knows about Lupin. So it stands to reason that he knows that his friends know. I won’t have a leg to stand on, because I suppose he’ll look at it from the perspective that I shouldn’t have been so nosy …”

(F/N) was appalled at such an idea. “Dumbledore isn’t like that, Sev. I’m sure he’ll understand … If you just say that Black mentioned it in class or something, you know, that you should go under the Whomping Willow …”

Severus only gazed at (F/N) as she spoke, admiring how much she seemed to care. He reached out and put a cool hand over hers to stop her before she got too worked up, though. “I’ll ask Madam Pomfrey for a word with Dumbledore as soon as I can, and let you know what he said, okay?”

(F/N) took a deep breath and nodded. “You’d better,” she said, and attempted to inject a little playfulness into her voice.

Severus was in the hospital wing until lunchtime, when at last the shaking stopped and Madam Pomfrey deemed him fit to return to classes and normal school life. At least Severus hadn’t been physically injured this time, (F/N) thought, like he had been so many times before at the hands of the Marauders. She fancied, though, that for the rest of the day Black, especially, was avoiding her or otherwise trying not to meet her angry glare. She only did this, of course, when Lily wasn’t looking because it wouldn’t have been fair to expose Lupin’s secret without his permission, and Lily was bound to ask questions if she saw her shooting daggers at his friends.

(F/N) didn’t actually see Severus until Divination, which was their last class of the day. She thought it hard luck (for him) that the first lesson he’d been able to attend happened to be one of his least favourites. Still, the palpable aura of displeasure emanating from most of the male students in his class did not deter Professor Moran or dampen his good humour. He paired everyone up again that day, and he glided around the room as always, checking in on people and making sure they were using the proper method of studying their bird entrails.

(F/N) found herself paired with Edith this time, which made for a nice change of pace. Edith was very calm and composed when it came to Divination, and was not easily excited by whatever she foretold, or by what was to come for her in the near future. She didn’t even appear particularly put-off by the innards they were studying but found (F/N)’s discomfort mildly entertaining.

“If you could see your face right now, (F/N) …” chuckled the Slytherin.

(F/N) looked up from her bowl (or, rather, Edith’s bowl) and gave her a smile that seemed unsure of whether it wanted to be a grin or a grimace. “You know how much I like animals …” she said, shuddering slightly as she glanced back at the mess in the bowl. “Honestly, they could say anything, and I wouldn’t know because I just keep thinking about the poor bird these came from …”

Edith chuckled again, tilting (F/N)’s bowl and trying to read its contents from a new angle. She didn’t seem to know what she was meant to be looking for, either. “Well, for all I know at this point, you could be due a very violent period,”

(F/N) choked at her frankness and the relaxed manner in which she spoke. Edith didn’t even look up and continued to turn the bowl this way and that, but (F/N) knew that the people on the other tables around them had looked up and were wondering what made her splutter. She glanced around and saw that not only was Moran looking in her direction, a curious expression upon his pale face, but so was Severus. He gazed at her with a dark eyebrow cocked and his coal-black eyes twinkling faintly with amusement.

“Well in that case, so could you,” said (F/N), regaining her own composure.

Edith looked up lazily and smirked, which (F/N) thought to be a very Slytherin thing to do. “I wouldn’t be surprised,” she replied, her voice tinkling with unreleased laughter.

(F/N) grinned and put the bowl down, choosing instead to leaf through her textbook for anything that might help. Without looking up, she noticed Edith following suit. Their table was closest to the window, and the afternoon sun shone through in the form of a bright white beam. Dust particles floated in swirling columns, appearing glittery and reminding (F/N) of the smoke that would billow from Amortentia when made correctly.

The sun felt very nice on her arm and she was starting to feel rather warm, but she still didn’t feel like rolling her sleeves up; it was one thing to expose the scarred side of her body at home in Spindlewood Common, but quite another to do it at school, where too many people had witnessed what caused the damage for (F/N)’s liking.

Edith gave a start, making no noise but bumping the table leg with her knee as she jumped. “Ooh, _that’s_ interesting …” she murmured, mostly to herself.

“What’s interesting?” asked (F/N) curiously. She still hadn’t managed to decipher anything about Edith from the bowl in front of her, so she was eager to hear what her partner had for her.

Edith looked up and her silvery eyes were ablaze with intrigue, and bright in her pale face. “If I’m not mistaken, there’s a sign here that one of your closest relationships is going to take a major turn …”

(F/N)’s heart gave a great heave before feeling as though it had dropped down into her stomach. The way Edith was looking at her, it seemed very obvious to (F/N) which relationship she was referring to. “O-okay …” (F/N) stammered, blinking several times as though totally perplexed. “What sort of major turn?”

“Well, there isn’t much else here … it was hard enough to spot the sign on its own …”

“All right, but is it a positive turn or a negative one?”

Edith looked up again, and her gaze said it all. “Oh, definitely positive,” she replied with a wolfish grin.

(F/N)’s face felt as though it were on fire and every nerve in her body tingled. She was fascinated by what this could mean … She didn’t dare look in Severus’ direction, lest he pick up on everything Edith just told her, but she couldn’t help wondering if this meant she would _finally_ get the kiss she’d been waiting for, and so very nearly got the previous night …

Determined to find something for Edith, (F/N) very firmly turned her attention back to the bowl, but her final thought on the matter of her own fortune was that she was – perhaps – a little too hopeful. It would happen when the time was right, she told herself …

Just as she thought she’d found something in Edith’s bowl, there was a loud clink of china on the hard floor and several cracks all at once as someone else’s bowl shattered. (F/N) looked up to see Black with his head buried in his arms, shoulders shaking with laughter, and almost everyone staring at Pettigrew, whose bird entrails now lay in a pitiful, bloody heap amid the ruins of its bowl. The boy was bright red, and worst of all for him, everyone was looking at him as if he had soiled himself. (F/N) caught Lily’s eye from across the room and they shook their heads in unison as he started to clean up the mess.

(F/N) wondered if there was a single subject that Pettigrew didn’t cause an accident in. Then she realised she had to give credit where credit was due, because this was his first blunder in at least two months.

“We need one of those ‘days without incident’ charts to keep track of him,” said Lily later that evening, as they made their way to the Great Hall for dinner.

(F/N) snorted with laughter. She had seen something similar to what Lily was talking about in a Muggle television show she’d seen at Eddie’s house, and had to admit that it would be handy. They walked into the brightly lit hall alongside a group of second-year Hufflepuffs and picked their way across to their usual seats near Haydn, Sylvie and the girls in their dormitory. (F/N) sat facing the rest of the hall as usual, a habit of hers since realising that Severus did the same thing on his table. Right now, he sat with Avery and Mulciber (as was normally the case), and with them were Rookwood and Nott.

Almost as if he could feel her eyes on him, Severus looked away from his friends and met (F/N)’s gaze. Unbeknown to her, Severus allowed himself a small smile as he saw her blush and look away, the former of which was quite obvious even at that distance.

(F/N) did her best to distract herself with dinner, but her mind wandered incessantly back to thoughts of what she’d been told during Divination. Almost as if someone else was controlling her mind, those thoughts kept uniting with other, less welcome ones about some of the horrid things she’d recently heard about Severus’ friends. While she was sure that he’d had no part in any of these _particular_ things, she was beginning to find it a little difficult to stow away her disapproval …

It wasn’t her place, she kept telling herself. It was none of her concern. It would only be an issue if they hurt Severus, or if they hurt Lily or Haydn or Edith or …

(F/N) banished the thoughts from her mind, almost as if she had used a spell against them. She hadn’t realised the time, so when the main courses vanished from their platters as usual to be replaced by a variety of delicious-looking puddings (F/N) was a little taken aback. To clear her mind later, she thought she would go down to visit Aeolus; if she was lucky, he might let her ride on his back for a quick lap of the lake …

She was just on her way out of the school, heading towards the great oak front doors, when she was stopped suddenly by a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see Severus gazing down at her and she smiled, wondering how he’d caught up with her so quickly, before realising he’d been able to read every thought that just rushed through her head.

“Your strides are roughly the same length as a Bowtruckle’s,” chuckled Severus in his usual low, soft voice. “It wasn’t hard,”

(F/N) grinned and gently took his cool hand, lacing their fingers together and pulling him along with her. “I’m just off to see Aeolus … Maybe we can stop and say hello to Hagrid on the way?”

Severus gave a single nod and allowed himself to be dragged along, but of course he didn’t mind; he had grown accustomed to simply going along with whatever (F/N) wanted to do because, as he had recently realised, seeing her smile gave him far greater pleasure than any of his usual activities. He wasn’t entirely sure _when_ this had become the case, but he did know that it was all because he had become rather attached to her …

(F/N), meanwhile, was thinking all sorts of fanciful thoughts about what might happen when they reached the forest. Would they finally get their kiss? She hoped so. Other thoughts pushed in from the side-lines, however, and (F/N) suddenly realised that she hadn’t had a chance to speak to Severus since seeing him in the hospital wing earlier that day.

“So, did you get to see Dumbledore?” she asked, gripping his hand a little tighter to steady herself as they descended the sloping lawns. Severus sighed.

“Yeah, I saw him,” he said.

“And?”

“ _And_ , he basically told me that I’m not to breathe a word of Lupin’s condition to anybody,”

(F/N) felt as though all the wind had been knocked out of her, and she was left wide-eyed and aghast. “What, no punishment for the people – or person – who got you into that mess in the first place?”

Severus shook his head. “I don’t think so,”

“That’s _appalling!”_ (F/N) squeaked, stopping dead in her tracks on the grass. “You could have been killed! But that’s _okay_ , I suppose, as long as you’re alive now anyway and promise not to tell anyone about it …” she said sarcastically.

Severus felt a small grin forming on his lips, a sign of his pleasure at hearing (F/N) so upset for him. Of course, he would have preferred that she wasn’t upset at all, and just her usual, cheerful self, but it was for _him_ that she was so concerned …

“It’s all right,” he said coolly, thinking bitterly of the way Dumbledore had dismissed his complaints. “I’ll just get them another day,”

_That_ made (F/N) smile again. “Yeah,” she said resolutely. “You go, Sev,” She slipped her arm into his and leaned against him slightly as they set off again. In so doing, however, she missed the soft look he gave her.

(F/N) didn’t want to dwell on the subject any longer; it was too distressing to her to think that her boyfriend had been sent away so quickly, and without a solution for the problem he had approached Dumbledore with. (F/N) knew that Dumbledore was a wise man and respected by virtually everyone in the wizarding world, but she couldn’t help questioning his motives this time, and perhaps even his priorities …

Thus, (F/N) plastered a brave and happy expression onto her face and continued to chat to Severus about all manner of _other_ things, taking care to avoid the subject of the Marauders and Dumbledore. They continued on in the direction of the forest, the grounds still lit by a healthy amount of daylight, fading though it was. (F/N) was so busy trying not to get angry about Severus’ treatment, though, that she didn’t notice Hagrid standing in the doorway of his hut, talking to three people in long, dark blue coats. It wasn’t until Severus gave her a gentle nudge that she looked and saw what was going on, stopping her in her tracks once more.

“Are they the people Dumbledore mentioned at the start of the year?” she whispered.

“Must be,” said Severus.

“Weird how this is the first time we’re seeing them …” muttered (F/N) darkly, a mounting sense of unease building in her stomach. “I wonder what they want with Hagrid,”

Severus, of course, had no idea what was happening down there, but he privately agreed that it was strange that they’d never seen them before. They’d been at Hogwarts for months now, after all; he thought they’d have made their presence a bit more well-known …

(F/N) and Severus decided to get a bit closer, knowing they’d be spotted anyway if they just kept standing there on the hill. Naturally, it was Hagrid who saw them first; he gave jolly wave, but (F/N) registered concern on his face. The three bluecoats turned to see who he was waving at, but their expressions remained quite blank.

“Evenin’, (F/N)!” said Hagrid, with a very noticeable amount of false cheer. On closer inspection, she saw that he looked less uncomfortable and more fed up than anything else …

“Hi, Hagrid,” said (F/N), with what she hoped was a more genuine smile. “Did we come at a bad time?”

“ _Any_ time is a bad time,” said one of the bluecoats harshly. He was a tall man with a thin, pointy face. The little woman next to him nodded her head.

“Your headmaster informed the school that we were carrying out some work here this year,” she said in a high, biting voice. “You know that we are in the process of hunting a dangerous creature …”

“Dumbledore said the creature you’re looking for _isn’t_ dangerous,” said (F/N) sharply. Had they lied to him?

“Well, strictly speaking, it’s none of your business,” snapped the woman. “We believe the creature is hiding in the forest, so it _isn’t_ dangerous to students unless they go wandering off … So why do _you_ seem to be going that way?”

“Because I’ve been taking care of a hippogriff for the last few years,” said (F/N) simply, staring the woman down. “We’re going to check on him,”

“Why does it require two of you?” said the woman, turning her dull eyes on Severus.

Realising he was obviously meant to be the one to answer, he shrugged his shoulders and waved nonchalantly in (F/N)’s direction. “Assistant,” he said, with no intention of elaborating on that. The woman seemed satisfied, however.

“Very well,” she said. “But, I’m afraid you cannot go in tonight. We’re very close, we feel, to capturing this creature and we cannot have students wandering about and potentially scaring it off,”

“Oh, and never mind students gettin’ hurt!” said Hagrid sarcastically behind them. They ignored him completely.

“Go back to your dormitories,” said the woman finally.

(F/N) glared at her but saw there was no use arguing. She made to leave, giving Hagrid an apologetic look, but was stopped abruptly by the third bluecoat, a man with a dark, thoughtful expression and quick, hard, flintlike eyes.

“Stop there a moment, girl,” he said, moving towards her a few paces. (F/N) stood very still and turned back to look at him. The man, who was only a little bit taller than her, came right up to her and peered closely at her face.

“What’s the matter?” said the woman, curious of her colleague’s behaviour. The man circled (F/N) twice, scrutinising every inch of her.

“Does she not remind you of someone? Look closely,”

The other two bluecoats eyed (F/N) suspiciously, looking for the signs the third had obviously seen. (F/N) gave Hagrid a desperate look but he only returned a shrug and a helpless look of his own. After a couple of painfully intense minutes, the tall man nodded.

“Yes, she looks a little bit like –,”

“Don’t say it here!” snapped the shorter man. The tall man fell completely silent, very quickly. “You may go,” said the shorter man to (F/N), giving her a dismissive wave as he returned to his companions. No more words were exchanged, and the bluecoats seemed to be waiting until (F/N) and Severus left to continue the conversation they’d been having with Hagrid. Their cold, unfriendly eyes followed the students back up the sloping lawns until they were safely out of earshot.

They were almost at the castle again when Severus looked sharply at (F/N) and said, “What was _that_ all about?”

“Search me,” said (F/N) shortly, feeling just as confused as Severus sounded. “Those are some seriously weird people. Why on earth would Dumbledore let them onto the school grounds?”

Severus looked at her sidelong and smirked. “ _Search me,_ ” he said. (F/N), realising what he’d just said and why, laughed and nudged him gently.

“Arse,”

“Excuse me?” he sniggered, nudging her back.

“You’re an arse, sometimes,” she giggled, playfully hooking her arm through his. This time, he felt compelled to lean into her and, although he didn’t laugh, (F/N) could feel the warmth radiating from him. They wandered the corridors slowly, heading nowhere in particular, as the castle grew steadily darker and the torches on the walls became the only light. Everything was silent but for their footsteps and neither of them spoke, simply enjoying each other’s company. (F/N)’s mind was racing at top speed, however, wondering what Severus was thinking as they walked nestled very close together like this, and wondered exactly when they’d reached this point of closeness.

It just … happened.

They rounded a corner somewhere on the first floor, having come down from the second (which they hadn’t even noticed they were on) and passed only a couple of other students who were making their way back to their common rooms from the library. It was getting late now, and (F/N) thought it must nearly be curfew.

“We should start heading back if they are …” she said quietly.

Severus agreed and gently steered (F/N) in the direction of Gryffindor Tower. He liked walking her back and making sure she reached her tower safely, even though he sometimes told himself off for letting her soften him up so much.

They weren’t far from Gryffindor Tower when they heard voices that made their blood run cold. The Marauders were out of the tower too, and they were loitering not far ahead. (F/N) turned urgently to Severus and looked up with pleading eyes.

“Go back the way we came …” she whispered. “Don’t let them see you …”

Severus could see the worry in her eyes, and her desperation for their nice evening not to be tarnished. He could only smile, though. “I’m not a coward,” he said gently. “I’ll take you to the entrance,”

(F/N) tried to protest but Severus gave her arm a little tug and walked her around the corner. She wanted to dig in her heels and demand that they go back the other way, but it was too late. Black, for one, turned to look down the stairs at them as instantaneously as if he’d spotted them with their robes ablaze.

“Look who we have here,” he said smugly, leaning on the bannister and locking eyes with (F/N). “Out on another _romantic_ evening stroll?”

“You sound so jealous, Black,” growled Severus. (F/N) whipped her head around to look at him so fast that she made her neck click. _What was he doing?_

Even from this distance, (F/N) could see the dangerous expression on Black’s face. His attention was on Severus now, and only him. He stood up straight and strolled slowly to the top of the stairs. Potter and Pettigrew joined him on either side, and it was only then that (F/N) noticed Lupin’s absence. Perhaps he wasn’t feeling up to the Marauders’ usual shenanigans, after the night he’d recently endured …

“What did you say?” snapped Black.

“Are you asking because you didn’t hear me, or because you can’t think of anything else to say?” sneered Severus. (F/N) gripped his arm a bit harder, silently begging him to stop. Then, the last thing he’d said to her ran through her mind: _“I’m not a coward,”_

Black was already holding his wand, and tightly at that. He wasn’t aiming it at anyone – yet – but the way his knuckles whitened as he gripped it showed that he was exercising an awful lot of restraint.

“No, no …” he said slowly. “I just wanted you to say it again,”

“All right. _You’re so jealous, Black_ ,” said Severus.

(F/N) felt her stomach somersault; she knew this wasn’t going to end well. Black came down one step and pointed his wand at Severus. (F/N) tried to move in front but Severus stopped her, firmly clamping her arm to his side so that she couldn’t move at all. Her face grew hot; he was a lot stronger than she expected.

Black chuckled, seemingly out of nowhere. “You’re very brave, all of a sudden,” he growled. “Why’s that, I wonder? Trying to live up to the fact that you’re going out with someone _way_ out of your league?”

It was a compliment, (F/N) thought, but backhanded at best. She glared up at Black and tried once again to wriggle out of Severus’ grip but flailed uselessly against him. Outside the castle, the wind howled noisily …

Severus glanced at (F/N) for a moment, thinking several things at once but his expression unreadable. If (F/N) had been able to tell what he was thinking, she would have known that he was hoping she would stop struggling against him but also that she would calm down; he knew she was behind the sudden squall outside.

“(F/N) decided I’m worth her time, which is more than can be said for you,” Severus said with a smirk. “Doesn’t matter if I’m in her ‘league’ or not,”

Black smirked down at him and his friends laughed. “Merlin, he’s finally grown a pair,” he said, looking from Potter to Pettigrew in turn. Then his grey eyes settled on the Slytherin once more. “Let’s see if you can bark _and_ bite, hm?”

Obviously Black had had enough. He slowly shrugged his shoulders, making his leather jacket creak as he moved, and raised his wand once more. (F/N) couldn’t do anything about the fact that Severus was still holding tightly onto her, or she would have drawn her own wand on the boys at the top of the stairs. She was too worried about her magic affecting Severus to perform any wandless magic … Severus couldn’t draw his wand either, so the first thing he thought to do when the first spell was fired (by Black) was to dodge. He dragged (F/N) out of the way and back around the corner, just as the hex hit the wall instead of them.

_“Sev!”_ hissed (F/N), trying once again to pull her arm free. “Let me go, I’ll sort them out!”

Severus chuckled. “I could sort them out too, if I wanted,” he said. “But three against two might not be a good idea …”

“I’ll knock them on their arses, let me go …!”

Severus let go of her arm but replaced that contact with a firm grip on her wrist. Black and the others were coming down the stairs, so now was as good a time as any to get a move on and get out of there …

“Run,” Severus commanded, pulling on her arm and getting her to go ahead of him. This time, (F/N) heard the instruction rather than request in his voice and set off at a very quick pace, but not before taking him by the hand and dragging him after her. They heard the Marauders arrive at the spot they’d just been in, just as they rushed up the next set of stairs they came across.

(F/N) hadn’t had to run this fast since being chased by Nolan a few years prior, just after she’d picked on Haydn and before she’d discovered (F/N) was an orphan. She led them down this corridor and that, then Severus pulled her down a few. Every so often, though, they heard one of their pursuers shouts, or had to change direction again because one had popped out ahead after using one of their secret passageways. (F/N) took care not to pass the one _she_ knew about, though.

By the time they’d gained a bit of headway, (F/N) realised they were on the seventh floor with nowhere else to go but down, and at this moment in time she was sure that they’d either be caught by a teacher or by one of the boys hunting them. She let go of Severus and ran her hands through her hair, desperately trying to catch her breath, and turning this way and that while standing in one spot in the corridor.

Severus checked a few of the empty classrooms to see if there was any hope of hiding in one of them. None of them were fit for purpose, however, so (F/N) hurried on ahead to see if she could find somewhere else with Severus following at a slight distance.

“Let’s face it. There’s nowhere to go,” said Severus quietly, and with a hint of desperation in his voice. (F/N) knew perfectly well that he wasn’t afraid, but she could tell that he regretted picking a fight this evening. She wasn’t going to let Black and the others catch them, though.

“There has to be _somewhere_ we can go,” she said adamantly, pacing up and down the corridor like a caged animal. Severus couldn’t help thinking there was a wild look in her eyes, too.

Back and forth (F/N) prowled that corridor, while Severus leaned against a wall, watching her. He thought it amusing – yet sweet – that she was so agitated about all this. (F/N), on the other hand, was desperate for a solution. She thought, over and over, how all they needed was a place they could hide out for a few hours, somewhere safe and comfortable and somewhere no one would think to look; somewhere private. It was as she was thinking this, sweeping up the corridor for what she thought was probably the third or fourth time, that she walked past a door that she was quite sure hadn’t been there a moment ago.

Severus stared at the door in amazement. “You found it,” he said, looking slightly baffled.

“Found what? Where does this door go?” asked (F/N), feeling very confused. Was it a fake door? Had that been why she overlooked it in the first place?

“The Room of Requirement,” said Severus simply, as if it were something everyone had been looking for, something long-lost and now sought like some fabulous treasure.

(F/N) paused for thought. She remembered reading something about this room in a book somewhere, quite some time ago. She had wondered if it really existed and now, as if to prove itself, here it was before her.

There came the sound of hurried footsteps on the stairs nearest them, and (F/N) turned in horror in the direction of their source. Severus drew his wand but went straight to (F/N) and grabbed her elbow. “Come on,” he said, pulling her to the new door. (F/N) opened it and Severus ushered her in before following, melting into the dark room beyond.

Inside they were unable to see, but they both leaned with their backs against the large door while listening to the people talking loudly outside.

“You can’t be serious …” they heard Black say. Then he swore loudly and there was a loud bang, like he’d kicked something. “I bloody _heard_ them!”

“They can’t have gone far,” said Potter reasonably. “We probably just missed them by seconds,”

There was a moment of silence, during which (F/N) realised the boys outside probably couldn’t see the door they’d just vanished through, but then she and Severus heard Pettigrew come running up to the other two, wheezing as he did so. Clearly he’d been left behind in the chase.

“We’ll meet back at the Fat Lady but go separate ways so that we can do one last sweep of the castle,” said Black decisively.

“Why are you so bothered about getting him tonight?” asked Potter, in the most sensible voice (F/N) had ever heard him use.

Black was quiet for a moment and then sighed. “He embarrassed me in front of her,”

“So?”

“Look, Prongs, I know you like Evans, but you’ve got to admit that she and Castor are easily the best-looking girls in school …”

Potter chuckled. “Yeah, they are. So what?”

“Would _you_ like it if someone made an arse of you in front of Evans?”

(F/N)’s heart skipped a beat and she smothered a smirk. She knew Potter liked Lily, and Black had made no secret of the fact that he fancied _her_ , but to hear him speaking so openly about it was a new experience. Still, she thought, that didn’t change the fact that he _was_ an arse. He didn’t need help being made to look like one.

(F/N) glanced up at Severus as he lit his wand. He wore a _very_ self-satisfied smirk.

“Something funny?” she whispered as she listened to the Marauders’ retreating footsteps.

“You’d find it funny too, if you overheard one of your enemies admitting that you were going out with one of the best-looking people in the school,”

(F/N) didn’t dare believe that people _actually_ thought that, but it didn’t stop her from smiling. “Was that your version of smooth-talking?”

Severus blushed quite noticeably as he moved further into the room. “I don’t know what you’re talking about …”

(F/N) grinned and fell silent. She then pulled out her own wand and lit it, casting more bluish-white light across the room. It was a quaint little room, with a large sofa and a fireplace, bookshelves and an ornate mahogany desk. A bay window with cushions on the windowsill was situated directly opposite the door, and a large but delicate chandelier hung from the ceiling. Candelabra sat in every corner, and candles sat in dishes on the mantelpiece and small, decorative wooden tables. There were a couple of plush armchairs near the bookshelves and blankets folded in a pile on top of an ottoman that had been stowed neatly to one side.

In short, it was the study of (F/N)’s dreams.

“Is this what you thought of when you wanted somewhere safe to hide?” asked Severus curiously.

(F/N) nodded but couldn’t speak. She was lost for words but managed a silent spell to light all of the candles, with the exception of the chandelier. The room was thrust into a warm, golden glow and the fireplace roared to life, bathing the room in a steady, welcoming heat. It may have been April, (F/N) thought, but the nights were still chilly.

The first thing she did, predictably, was wander over to the bookcases and examine the titles housed there. Severus watched her as he seated himself on the sofa, warming himself in front of the fire. (F/N), already warm enough, removed her school robe and draped it over the back of the armchair nearest to her before going back to running her fingers over the thick spines of the books in front of her. Many tomes were bound in dark green, red, blue and brown leather, and most had titles written in gold.

She forced herself to stop admiring the books for just a moment and glance over her shoulder at Severus, for she had the overwhelming feeling of being watched. Sure enough he sat, still as a statue, with his dark eyes trained steadily on her as she browsed the bookshelves.

“What?” she asked nervously.

“Nothing,”

(F/N) could almost feel herself trembling under the weight and intensity of his gaze. “Why are you staring at me, then?” she said, and nearly shivered as his familiar smirk drifted across his lips.

“I’m not allowed to just look at you?”

She was certain, then, that the colour she blushed probably made her look like an overgrown tomato. She didn’t know where to look, let alone what to say. Little did she know, Severus was quietly pleased with her reaction and he was unable to keep from smiling for real.

A few painfully silent minutes passed with Severus doggedly continuing to watch (F/N) while she gently and quietly leafed through the delicate pages of one of the books beside her. Finally, unable to bear the awkwardness any longer, Severus said, “Are you avoiding me or something?”

(F/N) gave a great jolt, not having expected him to speak again so suddenly, and nearly dropped her book. She closed it hurriedly and placed it back in its slot on the shelf, turning to look at him once more. His eyes were black like coal but glinted in the fire and candlelight, and (F/N) was reminded of a wolf as she dared to stare back. Indeed, the unspoken invitation to join him made her feel very much like a lamb venturing into the wolf’s den.

“I’m not avoiding you,” she said simply and, mentally gathering herself, she made her way over to him and plopped down next to him on the sofa.

There was another moment of silence between them before Severus smirked – again – and said, “Good. I thought I’d done something wrong,”

He wished he hadn’t said that, though, because he then observed a fire lighting in (F/N)’s piercing (E/C) eyes and a dark look crossing her pretty face.

“Speaking of which …” she said grimly. “What the hell was all that about with Black?!”

Severus blinked at her and was quite sure his nonchalant expression would make her angrier, but he couldn’t bring himself to be as agitated as (F/N) was. In fact, he was quite pleased with the way things turned out.

“What do you mean?” he said, feigning ignorance as to what she was truly asking.

“You _knew_ he’d retaliate!” (F/N) burst, although the way she popped reminded Severus more of a party popper than, say, a volcano. It was … cute. “Oh, why did you have to egg him on?”

“To prove I wasn’t afraid of him,”

“Who were you trying to prove that to? Him?”

Severus rolled his eyes and shook his head as if what he was hearing was unbelievable. “ _Obviously_ not,” he growled. “You,”

(F/N) frowned so much that her entire face screwed up, almost as though this was the hardest thing she’d ever had to comprehend. “Why did you want to prove it to me? I _know_ you’re not afraid of him, or any of them for that matter …”

“I didn’t think you believed me when I said I wasn’t a coward,”

(F/N) was stunned. “Why, because only _Gryffindors_ can be brave? Because _we’re_ the courageous ones?” she said sarcastically. “Lots of people are brave. _You’re_ brave. Everything you’ve ever been through, all that you’ve seen … I _know_ you’re not a coward, Sev, and I know it’d take more than whatever _they_ can do to scare you,”

He was quiet for what seemed to him like a very long time. The things she was saying meant a great deal to him, but it made him wonder … Was now the right time to be even braver? He wasn’t about to wait around and see if the moment passed …

Meanwhile, (F/N)’s breath caught in her throat, and she felt like a great weight had fallen upon her chest. Had she perceived his intentions correctly? Did his silence, and the way he looked at her now, mean what she thought it did?

She stayed very still as he edged closer to her, frozen on the spot.


	34. Chapter 34

(F/N) hardly dared believe that she wasn’t asleep and having a marvellous dream. She also didn’t dare do anything to try and wake herself up if it _was_ a dream. Severus was inches away from her, just as he had been on the night of Slughorn’s last party, but this time there was no one to interrupt them. The room was so quiet that (F/N) half expected Peeves, perhaps, to come bursting out of one of the walls or the fireplace to taunt them, but nothing happened.

What _did_ happen was absolutely _the_ most awkward and wonderful thing of (F/N)’s life to date. She found herself completely rooted to the spot, so it was up to Severus to lead the way. He didn’t seem to know whether to touch any part of her, be it her hand or her cheek, so he settled for just … going for it. By the time it finally happened, (F/N) wasn’t entirely sure it _had_.

The kiss was so light and so sweet that, as Severus pulled away, (F/N) couldn’t help following as if a magnet was pulling her back to him. She managed to place a quick peck of her own on his lips before he could get too far away, but that seemed to be all the encouragement he needed. Almost as if he’d suddenly learned how to do it in those seconds between the first kiss and this one, Severus gently cupped (F/N)’s face and recaptured her soft lips in a longer, more confident kiss. He felt her face heat up rapidly under his cool hands, and she seemed to shrink as her body lost some of its rigidity. He smirked against her lips, enjoying her reactions, and kissed her again – harder – this time moving one hand to the nape of her neck to pull her closer. She quivered.

(F/N), meanwhile, thought she was going to faint. She hadn’t expected their first kiss to be like this, and she couldn’t help wondering if, despite all he’d told her, he’d actually done this before. As she thought this, even though their eyes were closed, she felt a firm “no” pressing against her mind in answer to her question.

She wasn’t sure whether to touch him or not, but she did feel a bit silly sitting there with her hands in her lap, so her relief was immense when Severus took one of her hands and laced her fingers with his. Feeling more confident, (F/N) moved her other hand to lie on his chest and, when it seemed as if he was about to retreat, she pulled him back to her by the front of his robe. It was Severus’ turn to blush hotly.

(F/N)’s lips were warm and plump against his and Severus found himself very steadily losing control, which occurred to him as slightly alarming, considering how composed he normally was. Small, chaste kisses that allowed them to breathe a little between each one were tantalising at best and intoxicating at worst, so every time they tried to stop themselves the kiss that followed would always be just a little bit deeper than its predecessor.

When they did eventually part from each other, both saw that the other was tinted an exquisite shade of bashful pink. Severus couldn’t help noticing how dilated (F/N)’s beautiful (E/C) eyes were, how her blush extended to her neck and how her chest rapidly rose and fell, like she’d just run a marathon. (F/N), on the other hand, had never seen Severus’ eyes so dark and she felt as though they could burn holes through her.

“What took so long?” she whispered, managing to inject some playful humour into her voice to disguise her want.

Severus raised an eyebrow at her. “What do you mean? You could have kissed me first …”

(F/N) just gave him an incredulous look and said, “Yeah, right!”

“Well, why not?”

“Same reason I didn’t ask you out first,”

Severus smirked and shifted almost unbearably close to (F/N) again, knowing that – if she was anything like him – every nerve would be on fire for being so near. He gazed deep into those gorgeous eyes, blazing like wildfire. He had never seen such power and brilliance anywhere else and, in that moment, he conceded that he was even more in love with (F/N)’s eyes than he had been with Lily’s, something he’d never thought possible.

Remembering why he was so close to her, he purred, “You’re not _scared_ of me, are you, Castor?” (F/N)’s heart pounded hard against her ribs at his use of her surname. “Secretly, I mean … You told me before that you weren’t, but …”

(F/N) grabbed her wits before they could escape her entirely and smirked right back. “Do I look scared to you?” she chuckled craftily. Severus was about to speak again when she stopped him. “Wait, don’t answer _that_ , answer _this:_ Do I _feel_ scared?”

The question didn’t make sense to Severus until (F/N) pressed another burning kiss to his lips. This time, she kissed him as if she hadn’t seen him in years and her hands went straight to his chest, stopping to rest there in a very intimate gesture. Unable to keep his hands off her, Severus’ made a very bold beeline for (F/N)’s waist. He felt her flinch at his touch, but she soon grew accustomed to the contact and relaxed into him completely. Craving further closeness, Severus pulled her gently towards him and she willingly shuffled forwards until she sat as close as possible without sitting _on_ him.

Being as inexperienced as they were, though, (F/N) misread all the signs he was giving her. The way he lightly rubbed her side as they kissed was interpreted merely as a tentative first attempt at ‘properly’ touching her, and so her response had been to move one of her hands to the back of his neck. Severus made a low hum of approval at that, but he soon made it clear that he really meant for (F/N) to come closer still _._

He pulled away briefly and murmured, “Come here,”

“W-what?”

(F/N) didn’t have time to say anything else because she was then nearly dragged into Severus’ lap, then silenced once more with a deep, heart-weakening kiss that nearly stole the breath right out of her lungs. She threw her arms around Severus’ neck as he held her by the hips and, as she could easily tell, poured everything he felt for her into this new kiss. It was passionate but incredibly sweet, and (F/N) felt as though her head could be made of nothing but air at that moment, unable to comprehend that this was really happening after so many months of wondering …

Her blush surged through her body in a quick, rolling wave of almost pyroclastic heat as she realised what was happening to the young man beneath her. Once noticed, it was difficult to ignore, especially because she was sitting on his lap. He quickly pulled back, looking anywhere but at her, having realised that she’d noticed his … predicament. He tried to get her to slide off to one side, but she stopped herself, realising with embarrassment that she was straddling him. When she refused to move, Severus dared himself to look up.

Her eyes were gentler than he ever could have imagined, and more understanding than he’d hoped. No words were spoken, and he made no attempt to pry into her thoughts, but (F/N) simply took one of his hands in hers and placed it on her side, slowly guiding him up her body before abandoning him over her ribs, leaving him to take what she hoped was a strong enough hint.

(F/N) pitied Severus for a moment then, seeing the uncertain and vulnerable look in his eyes, searching hers for any sign that she was uncomfortable with what they were doing. She wished then, more than anything, that she could show him once and for all how safe she felt with him, no matter how foreign this new territory was.

She leaned in and placed another gentle kiss upon his lips. Her eyes were closed while he nervously watched her but even guarded, wary Severus Snape was unable to maintain his defences against the tender onslaught of featherlight kisses that she peppered over his face and neck. With a low moan, and without any thought for anything other than the beautiful girl who was so lovingly kissing him, Severus finally allowed his hands to wander as (F/N) had intended.

(F/N) smiled against his lips as she felt him struggling to decide which way to go – up or down. In the end, he apparently decided to let his hands travel down her body to rest on her backside. Her own hands lightly traversed his body, starting at his shoulders and trailing down his arms, over his chest and down ... Their bodies grew warmer by the minute, assisted by the crackling fire behind them, and soon they were so enthralled by each other and consumed by their shared experience that the world around them became utterly lost.

The little clock ticking away on the mantelpiece chimed midnight, but its announcement went unnoticed.

***

As the new day dawned over Hogwarts, the sprawling sky above blushed pink and the first rays of sunshine streamed through the east-facing windows. Inside, very little stirred. Students turned over in their beds, and the earliest of the earlybirds began to wake, but there was still a good hour to go before it would be a sensible time to actually get up. The castle’s ghosts glided silently about the corridors as usual, and at this time in the morning even Peeves the poltergeist was quite subdued.

The only thing out of the ordinary was that two students were, in fact, out of bed. The Fat Friar, the Hufflepuff house ghost, was the only one to catch a glimpse of them and observed that they appeared to have come from one of the upper floors. A Slytherin boy and a Gryffindor girl, and they were walking quickly and very close together.

The Fat Friar moved on with a smile, deciding this was none of his business.

The students rounded a corner and stopped suddenly. They had come to the most natural place for them to part ways, and the quickest routes back to their dormitories. The girl turned to check that no one was there to spot them and rose up on tiptoes to kiss the boy. He leaned down to meet her halfway.

“See you later,” he whispered softly, before turning on his heel and hurrying off to the dungeons before he was caught out of bed at the crack of dawn. It wouldn’t take a genius to work out that he’d been out all night …

(F/N) watched Severus go for as long as she dared, before pivoting on the spot and doing the same. She arrived at the Fat Lady’s portrait just as the corridor was beginning to brighten with the approaching day and, to her relief, the Fat Lady was too sleepy to care very much that this was obviously the first time she’d been back to Gryffindor Tower since dinnertime.

Despite her overall good mood, (F/N)’s stomach was a bundle of very tight knots. There was no doubt in her mind that Lily would have something to say about her not coming back last night and, being a Prefect as well as her best friend, she wouldn’t rest until she got an answer for where she really was. (F/N) also expected that Lily could very well be sat waiting for her, either in the common room or on her bed in their dormitory, so (F/N) approached the former with great caution.

Seeing that nobody was in the common room, she sat herself down in front of the fire and allowed herself to drift off into blissful thoughts of the night before, resigning herself to the idea of telling her friends that she had simply got up early and decided to sit in her favourite armchair for a while …

She must have dozed off again, because the next thing she knew she was being shaken awake by someone hysterical. That hysterical someone was Lily, and she was flapping and bleating about how worried she’d been and how she’d hardly slept at all last night, and she never even gave (F/N) a chance to _attempt_ to fib about her whereabouts.

“I sat in the common room for _ages_ waiting for you to come back … I worried that something happened to you in the forest …” Lily cried, running her hands through her thick, red hair. (F/N) felt extremely guilty, then. “Then Black, Potter and Pettigrew all came in and were talking about you and Severus, and I got even _more_ worried … They said they’d _chased_ you!”

“They _told_ you that?” said (F/N) in shock.

“Oh, no, I don’t think they even saw me sitting here,” said Lily. “I was sitting quite far down in that chair you’re in now,”

(F/N) realised that, if she slid down in this chair, no one would be able to see her if they came through the portrait hole. She thought Lily had had a very narrow and lucky escape last night.

“Anyway, that’s not the point!” Lily snapped. “Where _were_ you?!”

“Well, like you said, those idiots chased us, but only because Sev sassed them …”

Lily’s eyes widened, and (F/N) could tell that she’d already come to the correct conclusion, even without her saying anything else. “You were with _Severus_ all night?” she gasped.

“We didn’t mean for it to turn out like that …” said (F/N) truthfully, looking down at her hands sitting in her lap. “It just … _did,”_

Lily moved into the armchair opposite but looked extremely tense. She was smiling, though, so (F/N) could only imagine that her rigid posture was due to being on tenterhooks. _“And?!”_ she pushed, forgetting all about her anger and concern.

“And what?” asked (F/N), acutely aware of how obtuse she was being.

_“What happened?”_ Lily said eagerly. (F/N) thought it endearing that, despite not liking Severus anymore, Lily was still interested enough to ask about these things because they concerned her too. (F/N) supposed that this was because all Lily had to do was ask about (F/N)’s stance; she didn’t normally say very much about Severus himself.

“Oh, Merlin … Do you really want to know?”

Lily grinned wickedly. “I take it you kissed …” she chuckled. “And by the look on your face, I think it went a bit further than that, didn’t it?”

(F/N) blushed redder than the wallpaper. Lily really _was_ going to go there, and so she couldn’t avoid talking about it. Lily was persistent and, more than that, they were best friends. In fact, they were more like sisters than ever before, and it had always been difficult to keep from sharing things with each other. (F/N) thought that she should have realised this topic wouldn’t be any different …

(F/N) began quietly and tentatively telling Lily about what had happened between her and Severus the evening prior. All the while, Lily sat on the edge of her seat, listening intently and wearing an expression that was a mixture of surprise and happiness (for (F/N), of course). Lily realised early on, however, that (F/N) was not going to go into too much detail with it all, and so (F/N) was grateful that no awkward questions were asked.

When (F/N) had finished her account, Lily said, “I can’t believe it all just … _happened,”_

“I can’t either,” said (F/N) honestly. Really, though, she was delighted; she had never, in her dizziest dreams, imagined that things would unravel the way they had. “You won’t tell anyone, will you?”

Lily’s green eyes widened to the size of dinner plates. “No!” she cried. “Of course I won’t. _All_ your secrets are safe with me,”

“Thanks, Lil,” said (F/N), smiling gently at her. Lily beamed back, before hopping up from her seat and bounding over to (F/N), pulling her into a warm, soft hug.

“Anything for my best friend,” she said into (F/N)’s hair. (F/N) had her head pressed against Lily’s stomach, so she could only imagine the angle at which Lily must have been bent in order to rest her head on hers.

“What’s going on here, then?” said a terribly familiar voice. Lily spun around and (F/N) peered around her, and both clapped eyes on Sirius Black leaning on the wall beside the stairs to the boys’ dormitories. “You’re getting an awful lot of love lately, aren’t you, Castor?”

“Do one, Black,” Lily spat. “I heard what you said last night. You chased (F/N) and Severus. That was bang out of order!”

Black smirked at her and folded his arms across his chest. He would have been attractive if he wasn’t so obnoxious and arrogant. As it stood, those were the two words that occurred to (F/N) most often when considering him, and she found it quite difficult to see past this.

“I was just stating an obvious truth,” he said. He was just about to open his mouth to add something, though, when he was forced to move out of the way for Potter, who came barrelling downstairs as if all the powers of hell had chased him from his room.

“Castor …” he gasped, looking straight past Lily (which everyone thought extremely bizarre).

“Um … Yeah? What?” said (F/N), frowning at him. She didn’t feel the need to scowl, however, which was quite refreshing.

“I … er …”

(F/N) stared at him as though he’d gone mad. She moved her head in a small bobbing gesture, indicating that he should spit out whatever was clearly on the tip of his tongue. Potter was pink in the face, and (F/N) wasn’t sure if it was because he’d rushed downstairs so quickly, because he was embarrassed, or if the sun beginning to stream through the common room window was making the red room reflect slightly on his skin. Or maybe it was all three … (F/N) had no idea.

“I just wanted to make sure you’re all right,” he blurted at last, and after what looked like quite the internal struggle. Black stared at the back of Potter’s head as if he’d grown one extra. “I was thinking about what happened yesterday, and we behaved like total pricks …”

“Speak for yourself!” Black interjected angrily. “I’m not going to let that snot-nosed weasel –,”

“ _Pads!”_ Potter snapped, interrupting him mid-insult. “Yeah, Snivellus was a bit of a twat too, but we shouldn’t have chased them through the school, and not with a view to attacking them,”

Lily was sitting on the arm of (F/N)’s chair, and both girls were staring at Potter with identical expressions: complete and utter shock, eyes wide and mouths hanging slightly agape. _Who was this stranger in James Potter’s body?_ Sure, (F/N) didn’t like that he called Severus ‘Snivellus’ again but that wasn’t anything new. She’d have to cut out his tongue if she wanted him to stop saying it, because Merlin knew she’d told him off enough times over the years …

Black shook his head, curly black hair swishing about his face. His grey eyes twinkled with fury and he let out a mirthless, incredulous bark of laughter. “Okay, I think _someone_ might have hit their head this morning … Did you fall out of bed, Prongs?” he sniggered. “I’m gonna go down to breakfast early, anyway. I’m done here,”

James watched him go, shaking his head as he walked straight out through the portrait hole and disappeared. Then, almost as if nothing had happened at all, he turned back to (F/N) and offered her a strange, apologetic-looking smile. “What I mean to say is, we’re _all_ sorry about last night,”

(F/N) was still dumbstruck but she managed a couple of nods of the head, because she hadn’t expected this at all and, while she thought it unlikely that Black was even remotely sorry, she was still willing to accept the apology. James looked thoroughly uncomfortable despite his usual confident demeanour, and even more so as he extended a hand to her to shake. (F/N) took his hand as though worried he’d rip her arm off and gave it a little shake. A goodwill gesture, she told herself …

“Well, now that’s out of the way …” he said, giving his shirt a quick tug and ruffling his hair as always. “I guess I’ll see you girls around. Castor,” he said, giving her an overly polite nod. “Evans,” He winked at Lily as he walked past the armchairs and made for the portrait himself. When he was gone and a minute or two had passed in silence, Lily turned to (F/N) and stared at her in disbelief.

“What just happened?” she squeaked.

“I think someone broke him,” said (F/N), shaking her head and looking slightly dazed.

“ _Broke_ him?!” Lily laughed. “Someone _wrecked_ him, you mean,”

(F/N) laughed along with her, but it started off sounding very shaky, almost as if she were laughing off nervous energy. “Well, whatever the case, I hope this new James Potter is here to stay,”

“Me too …” said Lily.

(F/N) was glad she had a spare uniform in her trunk upstairs, because it was only Friday morning and, naturally, she still had lessons to attend. Once she had changed into her fresh set of clothes, she reconvened with Lily in the common room and they walked to breakfast together, seeing as how there were now a lot of people milling about. As they walked into the Great Hall, the first thing (F/N) noticed was that the enchanted ceiling revealed a perfectly clear sky, which meant they would have a very pleasant first and second period that morning (Care of Magical Creatures followed by Herbology).

The second thing she noticed, however, was that Black and Potter were sitting almost in the middle of the Gryffindor table and they seemed to be deep in discussion about something. As Lily and (F/N) passed them, however, they stopped abruptly and just _looked_ at the two girls. They walked on and found their own seats, but rather than getting started on breakfast they turned to each other and mouthed, _“What the hell?”_

“Is it just me, or did Black look flushed in the face?” said Lily.

“He did look a bit pink …” said (F/N), watching as the owls streamed in to deliver the morning post. Cicero fluttered down with a couple of letters from Auntie Beth and Eddie, but also a copy of the _Daily Prophet_ , which (F/N) had recently subscribed to – mainly so she wouldn’t have to scavenge papers off other students. “Probably talking about something they shouldn’t,”

“He did seem upset this morning, when James was talking to you about last night …”

(F/N) felt the blood rising to her own cheeks. “I did hear something last night, actually …”

Lily turned in her seat to stare intently at (F/N). She said nothing, but clearly expected (F/N) to elaborate.

“I heard Black saying to Potter and Pettigrew that we –,” (F/N) made a sweeping gesture between Lily and herself. “– are the two best-looking girls in the school and he didn’t like that Sev made him look like an idiot in front of me,”

Lily snorted and nearly choked on her toast. Thumping her chest she looked back at (F/N) with teary green eyes and a very amused expression. _“Seriously?”_ she laughed.

“Oh yeah,” chuckled (F/N). “He wasn’t happy, but I think Potter thought it was all quite funny,”

“So Black really _does_ like you then,” said Lily, not daring to take another bite of toast until the conversation had been swept under the rug. “Wow. Marchant isn’t going to be happy …”

(F/N) frowned. “Who’s Marchant?”

“You know, Hilary Marchant – that pretty Hufflepuff in the year above,” said Lily. “That’s who he’s snogging at the moment, and I _think_ they might even be dating,”

“Sirius Black doesn’t date _anyone_. Too busy worrying about being tied down, probably,” said (F/N) scathingly. “Besides, she’ll be leaving at the end of the year. I bet he won’t even notice,”

“Still, even if it is just making out, they’ve been doing it for a while now. Couple of months, maybe?” said Lily. “Like I said, she will _not_ be happy if she gets wind of him fancying somebody else, even if she won’t be here in six months’ time,”

(F/N) rolled her eyes and buttered a crumpet. It didn’t matter what anyone thought, because she wasn’t available anyway. Not that she _would_ go out with Black – he was far too arrogant, and still too entertained by picking on people to make anyone think he’d grown up very much. All thoughts of that nature drained from her mind though as she caught Severus’ eye from across the room, despite not realising he’d been sitting there for quite some time. It was (F/N)’s turn to choke as, although he was quite some distance away, she caught his knowing little smirk and the implication behind it. It was the quirk of the eyebrow that did it for her, though, and she took a long swig of orange juice to stop herself from coughing.

“Are you okay?” said Lily, oblivious to the surreptitious flirting going on nearby.

“Fine … thanks,” gasped (F/N), swallowing hard. She didn’t want anyone else to know what was going on, after all. “Food went down the wrong way …”

“Must be a morning for it,” Lily said lightly, before going back to her toast and skimming through (F/N)’s copy of the _Daily Prophet._ (F/N) hadn’t even had a chance to open it.

When (F/N) glanced back in Severus’ direction, she saw that he was watching her less … amorously than before, but only slightly. He offered her another furtive smile and, although it was only a small one, it held a lot of affection and was, (F/N) thought, very sweet. She knew that he would find it funny that she could get so flustered from just a look, though.

Her attention was suddenly drawn away from him by Lily tutting and sighing loudly.

“What’s up, Lil?” said (F/N), while attempting to read over her shoulder.

“Dark witches and wizards are at it again,” she said grimly. “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named seems to have some really ardent followers …”

(F/N) felt a deep pang in the depths of her soul. She knew that Severus’ friends still wanted to join the Death Eaters, and she had the feeling that he still wanted this as well. That wasn’t what fuelled her contempt for the Dark wizard at the head of it all, however.

“Six words is a bit long for a nickname, don’t you think?” said (F/N), dusting crumbs off her hands. Lily looked at her as if she’d just suggested inviting him to high tea.

“Are you sure it’s wise to mock him, even from within the walls of Hogwarts?”

(F/N) smirked. “I’d mock him to his face if I could,”

“Oh, no you wouldn’t!” Lily gasped, folding the paper roughly. “He’d kill you; you’ve heard what he’s like!”

(F/N) nodded her head in a way that made it look as though she was weighing up her chances. Lily continued to stare. “Okay, maybe I wouldn’t say anything … at least, not until I’m fully qualified,” said (F/N). “I’m just can’t say I’m afraid of him …”

“Well, I suppose that stands to reason,” said Lily quietly. “He’d like a powerful, pureblood witch like you to join his ranks,”

“What, like Sirius’ cousin?” (F/N) snorted. It was no secret that Bellatrix, Sirius Black’s older cousin, had shot straight to Voldemort’s side at her earliest opportunity. “Anyway, apart from the fact that my own ideals couldn’t be more opposed to his, he wouldn’t like me at all; I’m not _that_ pure-blooded – it’s just my mum, dad and grandparents, as far as I know – and my best friend is Muggle-born,”

Lily looked at (F/N) affectionately and smiled. “Are you calling yourself a blood traitor?” she teased.

“Oh, yeah. Look at me, cavorting with the likes of _you,”_ (F/N) teased back, making Lily laugh. She was glad that she took this sort of joke so lightly when it came from her, especially given her falling-out with Severus over related … slurs.

“Oh well,” said Lily, standing up and brushing crumbs off her robe. “Guess we should be off to Magical Creatures. Come on, you funny thing,”

(F/N) grinned. Those days were the best of their lives and, until they left school and got thrown out into the big, wide world, they were safe and could be happy just going about their business. (F/N) rose to leave with Lily, swinging her bag out from under the table. She was in such a good mood now that she didn’t even notice the odd look that Black gave her. Instead, she looked the other way and, finding her chutzpah, gave Severus a sly and rather foxy wink. He blushed bright pink and had to leave as soon as she was out of the door so that his friends wouldn’t notice.

(F/N) felt rather pleased with herself; it served him right for making _her_ blush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good evening, all!
> 
> So we finally got to ‘that’ part of the story. I hope it wasn’t too bad.
> 
> I just wanted to take this opportunity to state that, while this is technically your (the main character) and Sev’s first time, I didn’t want to make it too graphic because it still seems kind of awkward, what with this being a couple of sixteen / seventeen-year-olds we’re talking about here. 
> 
> Other fanfics I’ve seen have put in scenes like this where the characters are 18+ (usually), but aside from that I just feel like your relationship with him in this story requires a certain amount of respect. I can’t quite explain it.
> 
> I hope you liked it anyway!
> 
> \- SooperChicken


	35. Chapter 35

In the weeks to come, (F/N) and her friends heard more and more about Voldemort’s comings and goings and noticed how the teachers and certain groups of students talked: the professors seemed concerned, and a lot of students could be heard discussing Dark-Lord-related matters in the corridors. Most sounded terrified, but others (and it was easy to guess who) sounded rather excited. More than once, (F/N) had to fight the urge to punch Mulciber in the chops for calling people Mudbloods, or hex Rookwood’s hands on back-to-front so that he couldn’t curse anymore Muggle-borns in tribute to Voldemort.

“You’re getting me into trouble with them …” said Severus one evening in Aeolus’ glade. (F/N), who was backed up against a tree, could _hear_ his smirk as he kissed her neck. He had become rather confident with her lately, even if he was the same as usual the rest of the time. (F/N) was quite glad they had arrived in the clearing today to find that Aeolus wasn’t there, because she didn’t think she’d have been able to concentrate on him with Severus’ attention solely and unwaveringly on her.

She chuckled as he tugged her shirt down slightly to expose her collarbone, so that he could kiss the soft, thin flesh. Now that the weather was consistently fair, they had taken to spending as many evenings as possible outside rather than in the library (working) or the Room of Requirement (doing other things).

“I’m sure you can handle them,” she murmured, ducking down and nudging his jaw so that he was forced to look at her. His eyes smouldered and his pupils were blown wide with lust, rendering them blacker than ever as (F/N) leaned up and recaptured his lips. She kissed him softly but he was impatient, nibbling her bottom lip and wrapping his arm around her waist. The leafy canopy above rustled softly in the breeze and the deep, golden light was dappled on the grassy floor. A few evening birds twittered and sang in the bushes.

“I can, but …” Severus murmured against her lips, moaning almost inaudibly as she jerked away and nipped the soft skin just below his ear, tangling one of her hands with his as she did so. “… They do give me grief about it. How my girlfriend is the only person in the school they have to watch themselves around … They think I should keep a tighter rein on you …”

“You wouldn’t dare …” (F/N) purred, flashing her (E/C) eyes at him.

“Of course not,” he scoffed. “I don’t have a death wish,”

(F/N) smirked and pulled him in for a deeper kiss. Things had been this way for quite some time, and there had been several small discussions about how Severus’ friends disapproved of her and how funny they both thought that was. As far as they were concerned, Avery and Mulciber and the rest could stick it where the sun didn’t shine, but (F/N) could appreciate that it sometimes made things tricky for Severus.

In the seclusion of the Forbidden Forest, though, the young couple felt safe enough to let their guards down and set a hungry, desperate pace with each other, despite knowing that nothing more would happen lest they really were set upon by the feral creatures of that deep, mysterious place. And, even in this heated daze, both managed to think coherent thoughts that contributed to their ‘enthusiasm’.

(F/N) was enjoying Severus’ ‘newfound’ confidence, although she wasn’t entirely sure this wasn’t a side of him that he’d been dying to exercise; it hadn’t taken him long since their first truly romantic encounter to become totally relaxed with her, and giving and receiving affection. On the other hand, however, she was also partial to ‘shy’ Severus; around school and other students, he was as reserved and chaste as ever, blushing even when all she did was look at him, and sometimes that would translate to their time together after school, during their little rendezvouses. Sometimes, all he wanted to do was read or study with her, and occasionally one would even doze off on the other.

(F/N) thought that, even though he could still be standoffish at times, he was almost unbearably _cute_. Admittedly, it wasn’t something she ever thought she’d think of him – sure, she thought he was ‘ _cute’_ , but not ‘cute’ as it appeared in the dictionary … _Now_ she did, when he said or did certain things.

Severus, on the other hand, _always_ thought (F/N) was cute. A strange word for him to have in his vocabulary, perhaps, but it was fitting. From her appearance to her mannerisms, right down to how oblivious she was to the way he often looked at her, and indeed the jealousy of many of the boys around them. He frequently backtracked, though, when he thought of her looks; she wasn’t just cute – she was beautiful _._ He never thought he would think such unforgivably soppy thoughts, but she was genuinely the one thing he looked forward to every day, whatever they ended up doing. Sometimes they just ended up sitting together, neither one speaking, but simply content to be in each other’s company. He liked that.

It still pained him to think of Lily and the friendship he’d lost with her, but in beginning a romantic relationship with (F/N) he found that the pain grew less with every passing day. He could have sworn that (F/N) had a soothing aura about her and felt that it was she who was very steadily healing him. She and Lily had switched roles in his life, and even when things got intense with his own group of friends, Severus found that he could always count on (F/N) to give him respite, and to make him feel safe again.

He still had the same aspirations, of course, but with (F/N) at his side (even if not always physically) he felt as though he had some kind of sanctuary. She was an oasis of calm and wisdom in an increasingly nonsensical world, even if she was lightning incarnate.

Severus’ hand wandered from (F/N)’s, all the way up her left arm, knowing that it would make her skin tingle. In fact, to (F/N), it had the effect of making her feel as though electricity was crackling back through her veins. It didn’t bring up any negative feelings, though; on the contrary, she rather liked it. Severus knew every beautiful line and scar on (F/N)’s arm and side, and every single one on her leg, almost as if they had been carved into his memory with a hammer and chisel. Several weeks ago she had been very nervous about him seeing them for the first time, convinced they were ugly, but Severus had been surprised to find that they were not only flat, as though painted on, but also extremely intricate like beautiful, unique tattoos. He had told her so without hesitation.

As if that hadn’t been enough, there was the way her whole body blushed the colour of blossom as he bravely kissed and touched every inch of storm-painted skin … She was exquisite, and absolutely to die for.

A sharp snap of a twig on the forest floor, somewhere not far away, drew their attention immediately and the couple parted. They drew their wands and backed away slightly, both having the same thought that it would probably be best to run if anything came out of the trees at them. There was silence, but (F/N) thought this was, perhaps, the reason she nearly jumped out of her skin when a person, not a creature, emerged from the shadows beyond. It was one of Hogwarts’ ‘guests’ – the woman who had seen them off the first time they met.

“Well, well,” she said slyly. “Look who’s back,”

(F/N) rolled her eyes. “Don’t you ever go up to the castle?” she said scornfully. “Or do you live outside?”

“That is none of your concern,” sneered the woman. Her eyes glinted as though she knew something that (F/N) did not. “What is your concern is that if I catch you here again you will force me to go to your headmaster about your habit of trespassing,”

Just then, as if on cue, Aeolus swept down from above, his body fitting nicely through the gap in the canopy above but his wings were too wide not to thrash the leaves. He landed between (F/N), Severus and the woman, and trotted over to (F/N) to nuzzle her affectionately. The woman did not even occur to Aeolus as someone to bother with, and it showed.

“I think you’ll find …” (F/N) purred, although in a very different way to how she had addressed Severus earlier, “… that Professor Dumbledore has permitted me to be here. You see, this hippogriff accidentally hatched in front of me a few years ago, and I raised him myself. Our headmaster knows all about it, given that someone tried to report me once before,”

The woman glared at (F/N), and Aeolus seemed to notice because he rounded on her, glowering with his bright orange eyes. He spread his wings slightly, partially shielding (F/N) and Severus from view. (F/N) peeked out from behind his great, inky black neck and smirked.

“I don’t think my boy here likes your tone, either,” she said.

Severus felt his spine tingle; she may not have been talking about him, but he liked the way she called Aeolus her ‘boy’. He wasn’t sure why, but his body felt warm again because of it.

“Fine,” snapped the woman. “But if you put so much as a toe beyond this clearing, I’ll have your cocky little arse on a platter. Got me?”

“So crass,” (F/N) said. “But yes, fine. Whatever,”

The woman turned on her heels and flounced back into the forest. (F/N) looked at Severus and smirked. She was pleased with how that turned out, but she did wonder what those people were still doing out here …

“You have a way of riling people that I actually have to admire,” he said silkily, inching closer to her.

(F/N) raised a mischievous eyebrow and grinned foxily. “Is that a good thing or a bad one? I can’t tell,” she mewled.

“It just means you’ve got charisma,” he growled, moving closer still. “You do other things to other people …”

“Such as?”

“Well, you make lots of people happy … you can make others angry …” he rumbled. His voice was like distant thunder. “You’re … inspiring – you give people confidence …”

He was tantalisingly close.

“As for me … you do all of those things, _and_ drive me to distraction …”

He gave her a quick peck on the lips before doing it again, this time lingering a few seconds longer.

“Wait …” said (F/N), pushing him away playfully. “I make you angry?”

Severus smirked. “Sometimes,”

_“How?!”_

“I can’t control myself as well as I used to. The blame lies entirely with you,”

(F/N) feigned offence but grinned all the more. “Oh, it’s my fault you’ve got wandering eyes and a dirty mind, is it?” she teased.

“Who said this was about sex?”

(F/N)’s stomach fluttered at his use of the word, because it wasn’t one that normally passed his lips. To her, it somehow seemed too vulgar to be coming from him. His eyes never left her, and it was clear that he expected an answer; it wasn’t a rhetorical question at all.

“I just thought … well. When someone says they’ve been driven to distraction by a person, they generally mean …”

“Well, that’s not what I meant,” Severus interjected softly, cutting her off as quickly as if he’d snapped. When she gave him a look that suggested confusion, he said, “What, I can’t be distracted by my girlfriend because I love her?”

(F/N) thought her heart had just sputtered to a stop, like a dodgy engine. “You … love me?”

Severus looked slightly uncomfortable now but she somehow knew that he wasn’t going to back out of the conversation. “Of course I do …” he said quietly, his pale cheeks reddening. He wouldn’t look directly at her.

_“Really?”_

(F/N)’s voice was little more than an excited squeak, and Severus glanced at her to see her eyes shimmering with glee. He rolled his eyes, but it was an affectionate look that he gave her. _“Obviously,”_ he said, slightly exasperated. Did she not believe him or something? Or was she purposely dragging it out? She was a wicked girl, if so …

(F/N) pulled him into a very soft but somehow very firm embrace. “I love you too …” she said into his cloak, muffling her words. Severus let her have her moment, holding her in return, but he couldn’t deny the weightlessness he felt in his chest. This was the first time they’d said this to each other, and it felt … wonderful. (F/N) Castor – the cleverest and most beautiful witch at Hogwarts – loved _him._ Not Sirius Black, not James Potter, not that idiot Ravenclaw a few years below who hounded her even now … but _him._ And then she looked up and kissed him.

Their lips had barely touched when they were forcibly parted by Aeolus nudging the side of (F/N)’s head with the top of his. He gave Severus an unmistakably jealous look and (F/N) laughed.

“Thanks for ruining the moment,” she said to the hippogriff. “Maybe we should head back now anyway,” she added, turning back to Severus.

“If you like,” he replied. He offered her his arm and, patting Aeolus goodnight, (F/N) took it and they began their slow return to the castle. Neither of them spoke, for no words were necessary. A wave of contentment had washed over the pair, and nothing in the world could spoil this evening, not even thoughts of why that woman had reappeared so suddenly, or whether the Marauders were out … marauding.

Rare were the occasions when use of the word was truly in order, but that evening, everything really was perfect.

***

The end of the year was fast approaching, and although the days were longer they seemed to soar by without giving (F/N) much of a chance to enjoy them. She was finding it hard to believe that she was nearly in her final year at this school she so adored. In fact, the prospect of leaving in slightly over a year did not sit well with her. Since when had she crept so close to adulthood?

She would have been lying to herself if she said she wasn’t a little bit afraid of the obstacles ahead; she was still worried about not making it as an Auror (she’d had to place her aspiration of becoming a teacher on hold purely because there were no vacancies, or any that were likely to come up in the near future); and she was concerned about the role she would play in what was quickly becoming a war between normal, good witches and wizards and Voldemort.

Most of all, though, she was concerned for Severus. She knew only too well that he still planned to join the Dark Lord’s forces after Hogwarts, and worse still she couldn’t find it in her heart to blame him for it – he hadn’t exactly had an easy time with people on the ‘good’ side of the fence … She just hoped she could somehow sway him during their final year. No matter whether he actually needed it, (F/N) had always looked out for him and defended him as fiercely as any of her other friends. She knew she couldn’t do that anymore if his mind was made up.

(F/N) was sitting in the library, staring at the same page in her book that she’d had open for the past fifteen minutes, thinking these morbid thoughts. It was a very rare free period for (F/N), but as Lily was busy with Prefect duties and Severus was in another class, she decided to catch up on some reading. That meant Edith was in class too, and goodness knew where Haydn had got to.

(F/N) thought she might as well get ahead in her lessons while she had the opportunity. She shook her head, looking up at the scores of books on the shelf in front of her desk to give her eyes a break, before returning to her own book. She ignored the fact that Lockhart was desperately bobbing about in his seat, trying to catch her attention from the other side of the room. She was just about to turn the page when she was distracted by the library doors creaking open, and Professor McGonagall striding in. She made a beeline straight for her.

(F/N) closed her book at once, forgetting to mark her page, and stood up quickly, cracking her hip on the side of the desk. She didn’t even notice, because McGonagall’s expression was more serious than usual.

“Miss Castor,” she said quickly, and rather quietly. They were still in a library, after all. “I would like you to come with me, please. Professor Dumbledore wishes to see you,”

(F/N)’s eyes widened. She wasn’t sure how to feel about being summoned to the headmaster’s study again. Dumbledore was a kind man (to her, anyway), but she hadn’t had very many _good_ reasons to go and see him. She nodded and followed McGonagall back out of the library, and all the way through the castle to the entrance to Dumbledore’s study. She was so busy wondering what he could possibly need her for that she didn’t even notice that she had stepped onto the moving staircase out of habit, and before she knew what was what, she was standing in Professor Dumbledore’s study, filled with its beautiful furniture, portraits of old Hogwarts headmasters and mistresses, and its funny little noises.

The man himself stood at the window, gazing out across the highlands. As the two witches entered, he turned to them and smiled. “Good afternoon, Miss Castor,” he said, blue eyes twinkling kindly. “Please, do have a seat,”

(F/N) did as she was told and sat down in the chair in front of Dumbledore’s desk. She was becoming very familiar with it. Her eyes never left him, though, as he sat in his own chair and laced his fingers together atop the desk.

“You must be quite nervous about why I have called you here,” said Dumbledore with another smile. “After all, there have been some rather serious matters that have summoned you here in the past,”

(F/N) could only nod in agreement.

“Well, as it happens, the situation today is also quite serious,” said Dumbledore, rather more grimly than before. (F/N) leaned forward in her seat, feeling quite anxious and also a bit queasy, thinking of all the things he could possibly say to her. Then, after what seemed an age, he said, “Your aunt wrote to me a few days ago,”

Auntie Beth? Writing to Dumbledore? (F/N)’s head had already begun to spin. What on earth was going on?

Dumbledore seemed to sense (F/N)’s confusion because he gave her another kind look and went on. “I am afraid she has informed me that it will not be possible for you to return home this summer,” He saw the horrified look on (F/N)’s face and held up a calming hand which silently asked for her patience. “There was an altercation very nearby between members of the magical community, and the nature of the incident has forced your aunt to conclude that it simply isn’t safe for you there. Thus … she has begged us to keep you here, at least until the dust has settled. It is likely that you will have to spend the summer here, something that has not been done by any student within living memory …”

(F/N) was overwhelmed. She didn’t know what to think. Was her aunt okay? How did she know this altercation was between wizards? Why did that mean she wasn’t safe if she returned to Spindlewood Common? So many questions rattled around in her head …

“We will arrange something for you, of course, in terms of accommodation,” said Dumbledore. “Your aunt’s warnings have been taken very seriously, and I have given her my word that you will remain where trusted witches and wizards are present and capable of keeping an eye on you,”

(F/N) thought then that it must be a very dire situation indeed, if Auntie Beth hadn’t even written to _her_ to tell her what was going on, and if Dumbledore seemed unwilling to elaborate. She held her tongue and did not ask any questions, even though her mind was whirring.

“I will send word as soon as the necessary preparations have been made, Miss Castor, but for now you are excused. Please do try not to dwell on matters, however; both you and your aunt will be perfectly safe,”

(F/N) felt some of the weight of this new burden lifting from her shoulders. It was Auntie Beth’s safety she was concerned for, not her own. She wondered if the ‘incident’ in Spindlewood Common had anything to do with the Death Eaters, but quickly pushed that thought far, far from her. Still feeling a little numb, she rose from her seat, forced a smile, and bade goodbye to the professors. On her way back downstairs, she thought she should maybe have thanked Dumbledore and McGonagall for bringing the ‘news’ to her attention, but realised she probably wouldn’t have been able to string the words together …

She made her way back towards the library, but she wasn’t really paying attention to where she was going. She had no real destination, which is why she thought it all the more peculiar that in a castle that served as a school for hundreds of people, she should bump into someone she actually knew. She was stopped in her tracks by an arm wrapping around the front of her body, belonging to someone walking towards her.

“Whoa … Careful,”

(F/N) looked up to see Severus holding her steady. She gave him a weak smile and said, with an equally weak chuckle, “Sorry …”

“I said your name – twice – and you didn’t seem to hear me …”

“I _didn’t_ hear you …” (F/N) said, with another short, humourless laugh. “I’m sorry I walked into you,”

The corners of Severus’ lips quirked into a small smile of his own. “You didn’t. I caught you,” he said softly. “What were you thinking about?”

(F/N) blinked stupidly at him for a moment or two, before remembering he’d asked her a question, and presumably wanted an answer. He was patient with her though, noting that she looked quite traumatised. “McGonagall came to find me, and took me to see Dumbledore,” she said quietly, so that the few other people walking the corridors wouldn’t hear. She supposed it would nearly be time for their next class …

Severus smirked, which (F/N) hadn’t expected. “What have you done this time?”

She grinned, the first time she had felt like doing so in what seemed like hours. “Always with the assumption that I’m in trouble,” she said, tutting playfully. “Besides, I’ve only been caught messing around like, a _handful_ of times,”

“Yes, because you’re a sneaky little fox …” Severus purred, leaning in closer so that he could whisper. His eyes glittered like jewels in moonlight. (F/N) giggled, always feeling butterflies in her stomach when he came so near, even now. “So …” he went on, ignoring the way some of the passers-by stared at them. “… Why did Dumbledore want to see you?”

(F/N) was abruptly reminded of Dumbledore’s news and her face fell. “He said it’s too dangerous for me to go home this summer …” she said. Severus’ expression changed very quickly, and he looked totally stunned

“What do you mean?” he said, taking her gently by the hand.

(F/N) sighed and looked down at her shoes. The sky beyond the corridor windows had, at some point, turned from glorious summer blue to a grey that would not have been out-of-place on a rainy day in autumn. “My aunt wrote to him and said there had been some kind of … fight. Between magical people,”

“In _your_ village?”

“Apparently,” said (F/N). “And seeing as how I’m the only witch – that we know of – who actually _lives_ in Spindlewood Common, I think my aunt probably thought it best to keep me out of the way, where possible,”

“You don’t think they were after you, do you?” said Severus quickly. (F/N) could hear the concern in his voice, which did not help her own nerves on this occasion.

“I don’t see why they would be, but it’s an odd coincidence that they turned up there, of all places,” said (F/N), shrugging her shoulders. “I mean, unless there really is another witch or wizard that I don’t know about – which is very possible – then the only other reason they could be there is because of my parents and grandparents …”

Severus looked guilty for a moment before saying, “I’m sorry I never asked, but are they buried in Spindlewood Common?”

(F/N) squeezed his hand reassuringly, seeing his uncomfortable expression. “Yeah, they all are,” she said. It was not lost on her, though, that she never actually found out what happened to her parents, other than that they died. Then she stopped, frowning slightly as a thought occurred to her. “Sev …?”

“Mm?” he murmured as he began to lead her away to their next lesson: Charms. The corridors were nearly teeming with other students, now.

“Does your mum know of any other witches or wizards in Cokeworth?”

“Aside from Lily?” Severus said, staring straight ahead. “I think she does know one or two … Why?”

“Because … well … Do you remember what Nolan said when she tortured me? About my aunt?”

Severus cast his mind back and then, when he had the answer, nodded his head. “She said she was a Squib,”

“Exactly, and I’ve known that for quite a while,” said (F/N), turning a corner and swerving quickly to avoid a second-year sitting on the floor, doing some last-second homework. “I always wondered how she knew so much about the magical world, even if her own sister was a witch. I mean, Lily’s sister doesn’t know very much …”

“That’s because she doesn’t care to ask questions, or …”

“ _Anyway,_ ” said (F/N), cutting him off before he could work himself into a tizzy (she knew he harboured very strong dislike for Petunia). “That’s hardly the point. Even if Auntie Beth _was_ only interested in our world, she still knows far more than any Muggle would,”

Severus nodded thoughtfully. “So you’re saying that, even though your aunt’s a Squib, that still makes her part of the magical community?”

“Yes. So I think she _must_ know if there are any other witches or wizards around …” (F/N) spotted Filch trudging along, shouting at students as he went, as they neared their destination. “Just because someone’s a Squib, it doesn’t mean they’re completely excluded from the magical world …”

Severus glanced over at Filch and smirked. (F/N) was absolutely right. “Maybe you should write to her and ask,” he said reasonably, as they came to stand outside Professor Flitwick’s classroom. “It’s obviously eating you up,”

(F/N) nodded and sighed. She _did_ want to know whether this had anything to do with her. She still couldn’t see why it would, but she wanted a definitive answer. She didn’t want to just have to swallow the teachers’ story about how she simply had to stay at Hogwarts over the summer, not without the reason being absolutely transparent …

That evening, (F/N) wrote her letter to Auntie Beth. She sat on the edge of her bed, writing materials propped up on a book on her lap, with the window beside her slightly ajar. A cool, strong breeze licked her skin every now and again like a great, invisible tongue. It rustled the stationery as she folded the letter into an envelope, and ruffled Cicero’s feathers as he waited patiently for her to give him the post.

“It’s for Auntie Beth, okay?” said (F/N), handing over the letter. Cicero took it in his little beak and cocked his head, blinking his great, round eyes at her until, finally, (F/N) got the sense that he understood her completely. “Nothing out of the ordinary,” she added.

Cicero took flight and was soon a mere dot on the twilit horizon. Another gust of wind rushed through the window and caught (F/N)’s breath. Then, almost as if on cue, the sounds of other girls approaching the dormitory rose up from the common room. She could hear doors opening all along the tower, but the first person through her dormitory door was her best friend.

“Been up here all this time?” said Lily with a wide grin. “What have you been up to?”

“Writing to my aunt …” said (F/N) quietly. She’d already told Lily about the situation, of course.

Lily’s face fell slightly, and she moved over to sit beside (F/N) on her bed. Her eyes glittered with sympathy and she patted her arm lightly. “I’m sure she’ll write back as soon as she gets your letter,” she said kindly. “I know that must feel like a lifetime away, though …”

“I guess you could say that,” said (F/N). She glanced out of the window again; Cicero may have been small, but he was a swift flier and he was long gone now.

For the next few days it was all (F/N) could do to focus on anything but her aunt’s response. It had already taken longer than expected to hear back, and by the third day (F/N) could no longer bear to replay Lily’s reassurances in her head. _“It would be all right”; “Any day now”; “You’ll have your answer soon”_ … (F/N) wasn’t so sure, especially not when McGonagall asked her to stay behind after Thursday’s Transfiguration lesson. Everyone else was pleased to be finished for the day, but (F/N) somehow knew what was coming.

“My aunt never got her letter, did she?” said (F/N) miserably, approaching McGonagall’s desk with the most forlorn expression the deputy headmistress had ever seen. Lily and Severus, who were standing as far as possible from each other, were both waiting for (F/N) and both wore extremely worried looks.

“I’m … afraid not, Miss Castor. How did you know?”

(F/N) shrugged, but she knew the answer. It wasn’t something she’d wanted to dwell on, but as soon as she had the dream that suggested Auntie Beth wouldn’t be replying she had _almost_ resigned herself to this unwelcome fact. “I dreamed about it,”

McGonagall clicked her tongue gently and nodded, although her own expression had softened considerably. “I see. Well, Professor Moran has attested to your skill in his subject on numerous occasions, so I cannot say I’m surprised …”

(F/N) felt pride blossoming in her chest to hear that Professor Moran was so full of praise for her, but she still wanted to know why McGonagall had asked her to stay behind.

“… Regardless, Professor Dumbledore wishes to speak with you again,” she said, piercing (F/N)’s thoughts as though with a large pin. “I will escort you,”

Professor McGonagall swept past her desk and made straight for the door, instructing Lily and Severus to go on ahead of (F/N), as she would have to catch up with them later. Both gave (F/N) an apologetic look and left the classroom. She followed McGonagall to Dumbledore’s study to find the elderly headmaster sitting at his own desk, talking to his phoenix, Fawkes. He looked up when the two witches came in and gave them a cheery smile.

“Thank you, Minerva,” said Dumbledore, giving her a grateful nod. “And good afternoon, Miss Castor. Please, have a seat,”

“Good afternoon, Professor …” said (F/N), seating herself opposite as usual.

“I understand that you must be quite anxious,” said Dumbledore, right from the outset. “Please let me begin by assuring you that your aunt is in perfect health and that you, too, are as safe as you possibly can be,”

(F/N) _knew_ he could read minds, for want of a better phrase. She nodded, although doing so made her feel quite sick.

“I also understand that you wrote to your aunt a few days ago,” said the headmaster gently. When (F/N) managed another little nod, he continued. “Well, your aunt did receive your letter, and was very glad for it. However, due to the recent … incident, shall we call it, she has had to vacate Spindlewood Common, and although your clever little owl managed to find her still, she has had to go into hiding …”

“So this incident really _was_ because of me?” (F/N) squeaked, eyes as wide as saucers.

“Not _because_ of you, my dear,” said Dumbledore kindly. “But you were the intended target, yes,”

“What were they trying to do?”

“That, sadly, remains unclear,” said Dumbledore. “It should be sufficient to _guess_ that, as you are the only witch in Spindlewood Common, and your parents were both very powerful in their own rights, these Dark wizards sought information concerning you,”

(F/N)’s blood ran cold. So not only were they looking for her, which endangered her beloved aunt, but they were indeed Dark wizards … Followers of Voldemort … What would Severus make of this, she wondered?

(F/N) took a deep, shuddering breath and growled, “Is my aunt _safe?”_

“Yes, Miss Castor. No harm can befall your aunt now that she has concealed herself. However, this does mean that you will not be able to visit or contact her for quite some time, I am afraid …”

(F/N)’s stomach lurched, almost as if it had been waiting for even worse news to reach her ears. She couldn’t even speak to Auntie Beth, now? And how long would it be before she could see her again? Dumbledore’s expression seemed to convey the utmost sympathy for her predicament.

“Now, please know that you can ask any questions that may occur to you …” said the headmaster, just as gently as before. “… However, we must now move on to where _you_ will be ‘hidden’ for the time being,”

(F/N) looked up, quite unsure of where this was leading. Surely she wouldn’t be packed off to someplace unknown to her …

“It has been decided that you will remain here over the summer which is, as I may have told you before, something that has not happened to a student in quite some time – if ever,” said Dumbledore. “I hope you won’t object, but you will be assisting Hagrid with his gamekeeping duties as he will be one of the few members of staff still present at the school during the holidays,”

(F/N)’s eyes lit up. “Oh, that would be wonderful …” she breathed, voice full to the brim with happiness. Dumbledore and McGonagall both smiled.

“Then it is settled,” said Dumbledore, a bit more cheerfully than he had previously spoken. “As for your accommodation, I have fixed everything with Madam Rosmerta; she will be more than happy to provide you with a room for the duration of the summer, and Hagrid will escort you to and from The Three Broomsticks each day,”

(F/N) felt most of her worries washing away, like driftwood in the tide. She nodded vigorously as soon as she had a hold on her senses, before feeling her eyes suddenly sting with tears. Dumbledore noticed, even though she turned her head to hide her emotional state.

“I understand that this must be quite overwhelming for you, Miss Castor,” said the headmaster kindly. “Do not rush yourself,”

Clearly, (F/N) thought, he could see that she was struggling to rein herself in. She blinked rapidly, trying to rid herself of those pesky tears, but she had reacted this way out of sheer gratitude. She had no idea why Dark wizards had been looking for her – or Auntie Beth, considering she was bound to be in school at the time of their appearance – but she couldn’t have been more appreciative of the school’s efforts to protect her. If only she knew _why_ she was sought after … perhaps she could fight back? She was suddenly hit by a wave of sickening self-loathing; why did she have to be so _useless_ right now?

“Thank you, Professor …” she said at last, finally besting the tears and pushing thoughts of her hopelessness to the back of her mind. “I … _really_ appreciate the allowances that have been made …”

Dumbledore’s expression was soft, even if his blue eyes were as piercing as ever. McGonagall was also smiling gently, a rare thing for her, but seemingly less so in recent times where (F/N) was concerned – (F/N) had heard the rumours that the deputy headmistress had a ‘favourite student’, despite arguments to the contrary.

“You are very welcome, my dear,” said the headmaster, lacing his fingers together. “Hogwarts will always do everything in its power to protect its students,”

(F/N) smiled and gulped down unshed tears. She nodded again and rubbed the palms of her hands on the tops of her legs in a slightly awkward gesture. Her shoulders felt very stiff as she moved.

“I think …” said Professor McGonagall gently. “… that it may be wise for Miss Castor to return to her peers now, Headmaster. She has much to tell them, I am sure,”

“Indeed,” said Professor Dumbledore quickly, and in a very compliant tone of voice. “You may return to your common room now, Miss Castor, or wherever it is that calls to you, but please do return to myself or Professor McGonagall if you have any further questions,”

“I will,” said (F/N) quietly. “Thank you, Professors,”

She stood, and silently took her leave. The teachers watched her go with pity in their hearts.

“I am quite certain that there have been students who have wished to remain at Hogwarts over the summer, and I am sure there will be more, but I would not wish _these_ circumstances on any child,” said Professor McGonagall sadly.

Dumbledore nodded slowly, his long white beard creasing slightly in his lap. “But surely you must see, as I do, how very like her parents she is?”

Professor McGonagall felt a smile pulling at the corners of her mouth. “Every day, Albus,” she said wistfully. Then she nearly chuckled, “Her father demands to be recognised within her – which is just like him, really – but the way she _normally_ conducts herself is almost a mirror-reflection of her mother,”

Dumbledore smiled. “She has their power, too,”

“I believe her talents are soon to surpass theirs, Albus,” said McGonagall, and Dumbledore could not fail to miss the note of warning in his colleague’s voice.

“I agree, Minerva,” said Dumbledore. “Fortunately, she is a powerful witch with a strong mind and a good heart. When she leaves Hogwarts, all Dark wizards should beware her,”

McGonagall privately agreed with this statement, too. It brought her peace to _know_ that (F/N) Castor would never become a Dark witch. They were doomed if she did – the last thing they needed was someone like her at Voldemort’s beck and call – someone who could, possibly, outstrip him if she felt so inclined.

Yet, she would never come to realise just how true that was. Just as her parents would never admit their skill, (F/N) Castor would remain frustratingly modest.


	36. Chapter 36

(F/N)’s news came as a great shock to all of her friends. Lily’s first reaction had been one of terror when she heard that the Dark wizards in Spindlewood Common really had been on the hunt for (F/N), or information about her at the very least. Severus was equally concerned, but also intensely jealous that she was being allowed to stay at Hogwarts over the summer.

“What I wouldn’t give to get away from home for that long …” he would say, raking his eyes over (F/N)’s features as though looking at some paragon of luck. “I’d trade places with you in a heartbeat,”

“What, so you can be in mortal peril instead?” (F/N) joked.

Severus’ overall demeanour changed. “Well, of course I’d trade places with you for _that_ ,”

She kissed him then, but told him that he should know better than to think she would ever, in a million years, let him do that.

Haydn was as nervous as Lily, but once Edith had pointed out to him that (F/N) was one of the best witches at Hogwarts (at this, (F/N) blushed a very violent shade of red) and that she was more than capable of looking after herself, _especially_ with teachers watching over her, he calmed down enough to tell her that he did, in fact, think she’d be all right.

Unfortunately, it didn’t take very long for the Marauders to somehow get wind of the fact that (F/N) was staying at Hogwarts for the summer, although the reason behind it remained unknown to them.

“Imagine, not being wanted at home …” Black sniggered. (F/N) rolled her eyes; this comment came a very short time after her latest rejection of his less-than-chivalrous advances. She knew for a fact that he was jealous of her relationship with Severus, but his manner of interacting with her in spite of this left a lot to be desired.

“Imagine, making a comment like that, hoping you can relate to someone,” (F/N) retorted, mimicking his tone exactly. They were sitting at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, and Black glared the sharpest daggers he could in her direction.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” he growled.

“Hit a nerve, did I?” she sneered back, buttering a scone as she did so.

“Not at all,” said Black, much more serenely than before. (F/N) figured this was because he’d realised he was being beaten _again_. “Everyone knows I’m too rebellious, even for my own dear parents,”

“You say that like it’s something to be proud of,” said (F/N) nonchalantly, prompting an amused titter from Lily on her right. Black went pink but didn’t miss a beat.

“Don’t pretend you don’t like it,” he purred.

(F/N) was growing bored of this conversation, and suddenly decided that her scone would be much more delicious if she ate it on the way to Defence Against the Dark Arts. She grabbed her bag from under the table, wrapped her scone in a napkin, and told Lily she’d see her in a few minutes. “You won’t catch me ‘pretending’, Black,” she said as an afterthought. “I think you’ll find that one look at my face will tell you that I _really_ don’t find that attractive,”

Black watched her go with a slight smirk on his face. “Don’t worry, love. It grows on you,”

“Doubt it,”

“I don’t,”

(F/N) had almost passed him and was looking forward to meeting Severus in the doorway when Black made that final comment. She couldn’t let him think he’d won, so she stopped dead in her tracks and turned to look at him. He wasn’t facing her anymore but was laughing quietly with Pettigrew.

“Oi. Black,” she snapped.

He looked around and raised an eyebrow. “Yes, love?” he simpered, quite obviously thinking she was about to say something interesting. He wasn’t wrong.

“Learn when to shut the fuck up, yeah?”

And with that, she left. James bawled with laughter and (F/N) just _knew_ that Black was staring after her with a completely dumbfounded expression. Clearly none of them had expected such language to pass her lips. She allowed herself a very self-satisfied smile, prompting Severus to ask, “What the hell was that all about?”

“I’ll tell you later,” she replied, taking a bite of her scone.

‘Later’ turned out to be at the start of their Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson, because (F/N) felt that Severus was within his rights to want to know why James Potter wanted to high-five her, and why Sirius Black now had a face like thunder. (F/N) told Severus what she’d said, and even he looked shocked. It didn’t last long, though, because his surprise was quickly replaced with smugness. He didn’t even seem to mind that (F/N) decided to grant James that high-five.

“I think I’d pay to see you tell him off again,” said James approvingly, ignoring Severus standing right next to (F/N).

“Hey! You’re supposed to be on my side!” Black yelped from next to Lupin. Lupin, however, was smirking and Pettigrew looked like he didn’t know whether it was acceptable to laugh or not.

James giggled suddenly, in a very schoolboy-ish way. “Pads, you’ve been playing with fire for months now. Castor was _bound_ to burn you sooner or later,”

Black glared at him and James, smirking, briefly turned back to (F/N).

“He needs a firm hand every now and again,” he said, nodding as though he were the expert on such things. “So good on you for putting him in his place!”

James went away, leaving (F/N) feeling – oddly – as though she had earned a few points of respect from him. She turned to see Lily standing a short way down the corridor, wearing a very coy sort of smile. (F/N) made a mental note to ask her about that later.

When the rest of the Gryffindors and Slytherins showed up they divided into their own lines outside the classroom. Severus was swarmed by his Slytherin friends, who only seemed to want to know what (F/N) had said to Black to make him look like a scolded puppy. (F/N), on the other hand, stood with the other Gryffindors and was chatting happily to Lily and Haydn as if nothing had happened at all.

Their teacher, Professor Costigan, had joined the Hogwarts staff at the beginning of the year. She was a plump, flowery sort of woman, who gave the impression that she was more likely to give evil ‘beasties’ a rap on the knuckles with a rolling pin than repel them with advanced magic. She also spoke in a friendly Welsh accent and made all of her students feel as though she had actually invited them into her classroom for tea and cakes instead of a DADA lesson. She was not, however, a pushover, and most of her students liked her. Predictably, the majority of the minority who weren’t overly keen on her were Slytherins, but the others assumed that this was because she was just a little bit too Hufflepuff for their liking.

Now, Professor Costigan stood in the doorway, waiting for the last few stragglers to join their respective houses. When they had all lined up and noticed her standing there, Costigan smiled warmly and said, “Hello, boys and girls. Make your way inside in an orderly fashion and pop your bags down on the floor at the back of the room,”

Feeling thoroughly confused, everyone did as they were told and went inside. All of the tables and chairs had been moved to the sides of the classroom, leaving a very wide space in the centre. The tall windows allowed a lot of sunlight to enter the room, making it feel even warmer than Costigan managed to do on her own.

(F/N) coincidentally dropped her bag on the floor next to Severus’ and looked up to see him standing nearby. She caught his eye and shrugged her shoulders at him, wearing a confused expression. He, however, seemed to be under no illusions about what this lesson entailed.

“Boggarts,” he mouthed, knowing he wouldn’t be heard by (F/N) above the chatter of the class.

(F/N)’s stomach dropped.

“(F/N), this way!” Lily said, grabbing her hand and pulling her over to where she, Haydn and Sylvie had chosen to stand. “Isn’t this exciting? We must be having a practical lesson,”

(F/N) conceded that, yes, a practical lesson would be a lot of fun, but she knew about boggarts … and she had a very bad feeling about the form hers would take, although she didn’t know how, exactly, it would appear.

“Right!” said Professor Costigan, coming to stand in front of the class and clapping her hands together. “Today, class, we will be learning how to deal with boggarts! Who can tell me what a boggart _is_?”

A few hands went straight into the air. Lily was surprised to see that (F/N)’s wasn’t one of them.

“Shapeshifters,” said Sylvie confidently, when Professor Costigan nodded in her direction. “They take the form of whatever a person fears the most,”

“Precisely, Miss Winstanley, very well done!” said Costigan enthusiastically. “Take five house points. Now, can anyone tell me what a boggart looks like?”

Again, a few hands rose into the air but (F/N)’s was not among them, something that troubled Lily. (F/N) would _never_ miss an opportunity to answer a question, if she could. And Lily _knew_ that (F/N) knew the answers to these questions. There was no sensible argument to the contrary.

(F/N) noticed that Severus hadn’t raised his hand either but, then again, she realised that he hardly ever did in DADA lessons. He knew the answers, and he didn’t need to make his expertise in the subject any more apparent than it already was.

Linda Sheehan, in Slytherin, correctly told Professor Costigan that no one knew what a boggart’s true form looked like, and the lesson carried on. A singular desk sat at the far end of the classroom, and its front drawer rattled every so often, its hinged metal handle clanging noisily against the wood. (F/N) felt her apprehension mounting.

“Okay, class, what we’re going to do first is practise the charm that will force a boggart to assume a form that you find _amusing,_ because what really stumps him is laughter. So, wands in hands, and repeat after me: _Riddikulus_ ,”

The class copied Costigan’s wand movement and the room was filled with repetitions of ‘Riddikulus’. Costigan was pleased, and once everyone had finished practising that portion of the lesson, she called for silence again.

“Excellent. Now that you’re all armed with that funny little charm, I want you all to form one single line in the middle of the room, here …” Everyone shuffled into the indicated formation. “You see, if there is more than one of you in the boggart’s line of sight, we might end up confusing him. We don’t want that, because he could take the form of more than one of your fears, merging together to become something altogether … _less_ frightening,”

Costigan bustled around the room making sure that everyone was in a straight line, and that everyone had their wands ready to go.

“Now, before I let the boggart out – and yes, Mr Blythe, I am throwing you all in at the deep end …” she said, noticing the look of sudden panic on Haydn’s face, “… – I would like you all to take a moment to think of what scares you most, and how you would turn it into something funny,”

Everyone closed their eyes. (F/N) knew her classmates were doing this and thought it a blessing in disguise that they were all standing in a queue so that none of them could see that hers were wide open. She didn’t want to dwell on what her boggart would become … memories of a horrible dream began streaming steadily into her mind, like water seeping under a door or up between floorboards … How would she make _that_ sort of thing funny?

Someone snorted a short distance behind her; clearly _their_ boggart was going to turn into something very entertaining. She wished she could say the same of hers, whatever it turned into …

“All-righty then, boys and girls!” said Costigan, calling everyone back to the real world. “Are we ready to begin?”

(F/N) was _not_ ready, not one bit, but she was stubborn and proud and would have preferred to be dragged unwillingly into this situation than back out completely. But what would her classmates say when they saw what she was afraid of …?

There was no more time to think. Professor Costigan had waved her wand in the direction of the desk containing the boggart and the first person in the line stepped forward. The desk drawer didn’t open for a few seconds and then, after what seemed an age, it shot open so far that it nearly fell out of the desk altogether.

A very large snake unfurled itself from the drawer. The drawer was in no way wide or deep enough to contain such an enormous creature but rise it did from its tiny container and move to tower over Faizan, who stood at the front of the line. He stared in horror at the giant reptile, hissing and spitting at him, before remembering himself and pointing his wand right at it.

“Riddikulus!” he cried, and the snake turned into a very long and oversized daisy chain. He chuckled at the sight, and (F/N) thought it must have been the transition from the dangerous animal to harmless flowers that he found funny. Whatever the case, it worked, but she was still glad that she was a long way behind him.

Student after student went head to head with the boggart, and every single one came away with a smile on their faces. A zombie shambled towards Sylvie but tripped when she cried the counter-spell, falling flat on its face and continuing to gurgle into the hard floor as if nothing had happened. She laughed at it and moved to the side of the room so that Julie, who stood behind her, could have her turn. The boggart turned into something bizarre, that was all teeth and eyes and snapped ferociously at her. (F/N) had never seen anything like it, and once Julie had dealt with it she gave the rest of the class an awkward smile and said, “Something from a nightmare I had as a kid …”

There were only a few more students to go before it was (F/N)’s turn. She distracted herself in the meantime by thinking of the students _behind_ her; _they_ were the ones whose boggarts she was really interested in. Lily stood directly behind her, but Lily was just as likely to _tell_ (F/N) what she feared most; Severus was somewhere near the back of the line, but he was normally so cool and collected that it didn’t make a lot of sense to (F/N) that he would be afraid of anything in particular … But then, she supposed, everyone was afraid of _something_ …

Among the students near the back of the queue were Severus’ Slytherin friends, and (F/N) would have loved to find out what they were scared of. Equally interesting to her were the Marauders – what frightened _them_? She was looking forward to finding out, _especially_ Black … What many of the students at Hogwarts wouldn’t give to witness him shriek like a girl …

Suddenly, she was at the front of the line, with Lily giving her a reassuring nudge in the back. (F/N) stepped forwards, wringing her hands anxiously around her wand. The boggart, who had taken the form of a vampire to scare Haydn, now lay on the floor in a heap of ashes as he had forced it to explode as part of a miniature firework display.

(F/N) couldn’t believe she’d daydreamed through all of it …

To her, the room suddenly seemed very quiet and still. The ashes began to move and burst into a cloud before her very eyes. When the dust settled, (F/N) was quite surprised to see the form her boggart had taken, but her surprise was nothing compared to that of the class and Professor Costigan.

There, standing where the boggart had previously turned into what (F/N) considered sensible, _normal_ objects of fear, was a mirror image of herself, except …

She was wearing a t-shirt, exposing her lightning-struck arm, and her hands were drenched in blood. The scars on her arm were livid, and glowed a very strange, muted silver colour. There was a wild, terrified look in Boggart-(F/N)’s eyes, and her breathing was frantic. “What have I done?” she squeaked. “What have I –,”

(F/N) shook her head. She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want to know what happened for her to get so much blood on her … She knew it wasn’t _real_ blood, just a manifestation of her fear of ‘having someone’s blood on her hands’ … It didn’t matter, though … Boggart-(F/N) was becoming hysterical.

“I killed them …!” she wept. “I didn’t mean to … It all got out of hand … I’m _sorry!”_

“Oh, (F/N) …” she heard Lily say somewhere behind her. “You wouldn’t ever hurt anyone … Don’t be afraid of her!”

There was also a cruel cackle of laughter from the back of the room. Linda Sheehan, who had already battled her boggart, was beside herself with glee. “You’re afraid of _yourself_?” she laughed unkindly. “Imagine, being scared of your own shadow!”

It wasn’t that simple, and it seemed to (F/N) that nearly everyone else realised that. Professor Costigan had moved forward a bit, almost as if she was debating shielding (F/N) from the boggart. (F/N) shook her head violently – she _had_ to fight it!

She raised her wand at her boggart, who was now crying pitifully. A pool of blood was spreading at her feet, and she was looking at it as if she could see its source. (F/N) was glad she couldn’t, but she had a fairly good idea of what it was. Someone she loved …

“ _Riddikulus!”_ she barked, pointing her wand straight at … herself. Boggart-(F/N) staggered and slipped in the blood, landing flat on her backside. Blood splashed around her. There was nothing funny about watching herself flailing in a pool of blood, blood belonging to someone she cared about, someone who didn’t deserve what they’d suffered at her hands …

(F/N) felt very sick. Linda Sheehan hadn’t stopped laughing, even when Edith stamped hard on her foot. The room was abuzz with (F/N)’s murmuring classmates but it was also beginning to spin. She didn’t know if she was the only one who could see it, but her boggart’s eyes were beginning to warp … the pupils had narrowed to slits and the whites were a gangrenous sort of yellow. Her smile was … possessed.

Without thinking, she whirled on the spot and shouted, “ _Accio_ bag!” Her bag flew to her without even a moment’s hesitation and she slung it over her shoulder before haring out of the room, refusing to stop even when Lily called her name. She had no idea where she was going or what she was doing, only that she had to get as far from that room as possible. She thundered down the first staircase she came to, bag thumping her painfully on the hip, and the cool air of the castle stinging her eyes as she refused to blink, so scared was she that tears would tumble down her cheeks.

She turned another corner but she was slowing down, finding herself quite out of breath. It was as she approached a statue of a one-eyed, humpbacked witch that she felt a hand on her shoulder and was quickly forced to turn and face its owner. As soon as she was facing the right way, she allowed herself to be pulled into a tight hug. Face pressing into this person’s robes, she took a long, deep, shuddering breath and immediately recognised Severus’ scent.

When she’d calmed down a bit, she felt him gently rubbing her back. She was stiff, though, and as much as she wanted to wrap her arms around him she simply couldn’t.

“Better?” she heard him ask, and she looked up at him through bright, bleary (E/C) eyes.

She nodded, which took all the willpower she could muster. “Uh-huh …”

“I’ve never seen you lose it like that …” he murmured, although his low, soft voice seemed to echo quite loudly in the empty corridor. “… That must … _really_ scare you …”

(F/N) looked away and out of the window. She could see the lake very clearly from here, and she was suddenly hit with an overwhelming urge to go and drown herself in it. Humiliation was setting in for sure …

“There is nothing to be ashamed of, (F/N),” said Severus sternly, taking her gently by the chin and forcing her to look at him. “I don’t know how you could have expected yourself to turn _that_ into something funny,”

“I … _knew_ I wouldn’t be able to,” (F/N) sniffed. “But I didn’t know what form it would take,”

“Yet you still went up against it,”

(F/N) blinked slowly, and Severus decided that he never wanted to see her looking so miserable again. He wasn’t sure if it was appropriate or not, but he did the first thing he could think of: he kissed her gently, feeling her lips trembling against his.

“You …” he began softly, searching her eyes for a glimmer of her cheeky old self. “… were the bravest one in that room. You were probably the only one who went to face your fear while knowing there was nothing you could do about it …”

Their faces were still very close together, and (F/N)’s eyes darted back and forth between his. She blinked three times in quick succession – was he _trying_ to make her cry again?

“In my opinion, you’re more Gryffindor than any of the others,”

(F/N) gave a little sob that was something of a mix between joy and the misery she still partly felt. She flung her arms around him and buried her face back into his chest. A low rumble vibrated from deep within his body, a sound she now knew to be of intense satisfaction and contentment.

“Even though I did a cowardly thing like run away?” she mumbled into his clothes, muffling her voice almost completely. He still heard her, though.

“I wouldn’t call it cowardly at all,” he said soothingly, in a surprisingly warm and silky tone. “Weren’t you a hatstall?”

(F/N) nodded her head against him.

“Where did the Sorting Hat want to put you instead?”

“It didn’t know where to put me. It went through all of the houses …”

“Then I’d say that’s because you’re a little bit Slytherin, too,” said Severus smoothly. (F/N) couldn’t fail to miss the hint of amusement in his voice. “ _I’d_ say that running away is a sign of self-preservation, not cowardice. You simply knew when to bow out with your dignity intact,”

(F/N) snorted with laughter. “You’re calling my exit _dignified_?”

“Knowing when you’ve outstayed your welcome is a quality precious few Gryffindors seem to possess,” said Severus coolly, pulling back slightly so he could see her pretty face. “Even though you left in a hurry, I thought you were quite graceful about it. And that Summoning Charm …”

“What about it?” (F/N) asked, ignoring his comment about Gryffindors. She knew she was a bit of a special case with him, seeing as they were in rival houses, and she didn’t like provoking his wrath where her house was concerned. She liked her _harmonious_ relationship with him.

“Perfectly executed,” he said, black eyes twinkling. (F/N) knew that look – he was impressed. She grinned and poked him in the side.

“Oh, you …” she said, pretending to swoon as if he’d just paid her the best compliment.

“What? You’re an excellent witch – you should’ve seen the looks on the other boys’ faces,”

“I don’t care what they think; just you, Sev,”

He smirked and held her a little tighter. “Still. It was very … satisfying to see them ogling you, even under those circumstances,”

“What a smug little git you are,” (F/N) teased, flashing her eyes at him.

She hadn’t realised, but Severus wasn’t standing at his full height. He drew himself up at her comment and said, “Little, am I?”

He knew – he just _knew_ – the effect that would have on her. Her skin prickled hotly, as though heated pins were being pressed to her body, and she blushed brighter than the scarlet in her tie. She let out a small growl of embarrassment and wriggled out of his grasp, walking off in the direction she’d come. Severus chuckled.

“Heading back to class? Good. I need to get my bag before Black and Potter set fire to it,”

The laughter spilled from (F/N) without restraint, for his comment had been completely unexpected. She had spent a lot of time with him over the years, and his dry sense of humour rarely made an appearance in conversations, but when it did … Oh, how he made her howl …

Lily was waiting for (F/N) outside the DADA classroom and threw herself at her as soon as she saw her, completely ignoring Severus as he went inside to get his things. Lily had clearly been on the verge of tears since (F/N)’s hasty departure, and now was no different, but she held it together rather well.

“I’ve been so worried about you …” she blubbered, still fighting the urge to cry. “Where did you go?”

“Not far. Sev found me on the third floor …”

“Thank goodness …” said Lily, hugging her best friend again. “We were beside ourselves … I was about to go chasing after you, but Severus beat me to it. Nice of him, really …”

(F/N) eyed her carefully. “You didn’t expect him to?”

“Well, I don’t know what I thought, really. It’s not really his style, is it? But then, you are his girlfriend … It was probably better that he went instead of me …”

“Either of you would have been a welcome respite,” said (F/N) reassuringly.

Lily smiled at her just as Severus came out of the classroom again. He looked at (F/N) directly, trying very hard not to be awkward around Lily, and said, “Professor Costigan wants to see you, (F/N),”

(F/N) took a deep breath and nodded. “I’ll catch you up, Lil,” she said, and the redhead nodded, readjusting her bag strap and making for the library – they had yet another free period, but (F/N) was glad of it; she didn’t want to miss any of her next class because something went wrong in the last. She had no idea whether Severus had another class now, but he made no move to leave. (F/N) went inside and saw their DADA teacher sitting at her desk, with all the others restored to their original positions.

“Ah, Miss Castor,” she said, her voice considerably sadder than it had been before. “How are you?”

“Fine, thank you …” (F/N) replied, propping her bag on the desk in front of the teacher’s. “I’m sorry for my outburst. I just drew a blank … I had no idea what to do …”

“I can more than understand your reaction, my dear,” said Costigan kindly. “I don’t think I, or any of the other professors for that matter, have ever seen such a boggart transformation,”

(F/N) looked down at her shoes, which were suddenly the most interesting things in the room. She could feel her face becoming very hot again, for an entirely different reason this time: humiliation was flooding back as though a dam had burst inside her.

“Miss Castor, please know that this does not reflect poorly on your abilities – magical, mental or otherwise. I don’t think _anyone_ could have prepared to face what you did,” said Costigan. “I must ask, though, what the root cause of that boggart was … Do you mind my asking?”

“Of course not …” said (F/N) quietly. “I think … I think I’m frightened of hurting someone with my magic. Ever since I got these …” She indicated the markings on her arm. “… I’ve been terrified that someone else will suffer the same … or worse … because of me,”

Professor Costigan nodded thoughtfully, although her expression was still very sad. Then, at length, she said, “My dear, you must not fear your magic. You are a very talented witch. All of your teachers, including myself, say so. When the time comes for you to control the more … _primal_ aspects of your powers, I have every faith that you will. I do not think for one _moment_ that you will allow yourself to harm another,”

(F/N) gazed at Costigan with wide, watery (E/C) eyes and nodded. “Thank you, Professor. I will do my best to live up to that,”

Costigan smiled. “You already do,” she said. “Now, chin up, chicken! You go on back to your friends and put this from your mind. You’ll get rid of your boggart soon enough!”

Despite still having a rather heavy heart, (F/N) found a small smile spreading across her face. She nodded politely to Professor Costigan and made her way back to the door. Outside, Severus was still waiting for her.

“Don’t you have a class now?” said (F/N) solemnly.

Severus cocked an eyebrow at her and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Yes, and Professor Sprout is going to feed me to a Snargaluff, but I wanted to make sure you were all right,”

(F/N)’s heart melted a little bit. “Whoever said you were cold is a barefaced liar,” she said, rising up on the very tips of her toes to kiss him. He smirked at her again, amused by both her comment and her shorter stature.

“Well, they’re not, but why would I be cold towards you?”

“You wouldn’t. Because I’ve thawed that icy heart of yours,” (F/N) teased.

He rolled his eyes. “Don’t push it,” he grumbled. (F/N) laughed.

“Oh, you’d let me get away with murder, Sev. Don’t pretend otherwise,”

He glanced at her and sighed softly. “Dunderhead …”

“If I’m such a dunderhead, what does that make you, standing around making yourself later for Herbology?”

Severus suddenly remembered himself and swore under his breath. “Point taken. See you later,”

And he hurried off in the opposite direction from (F/N). “Oh, Sev?” she called after him. He turned, walking backwards. “Thank you …” she said shyly.

He paused for a moment before smiling softly at her. He didn’t say anything, but he also didn’t need to. She knew what that smile meant. She watched him stride off to Herbology before turning on her heels and wandering down to the library with her heart feeling much lighter than it had five minutes earlier.

The way she felt now … the boggart incident might never have happened at all …


	37. Chapter 37

The remainder of the school year passed by in a warm, brightly-coloured summer haze. (F/N) had no idea what had happened, or what had been said, but since the boggart incident even Sirius Black was being nicer to her (or, rather, he took greater care not to irritate her). Nothing more was said about the incident, or about the fact that she would be staying at Hogwarts over the summer, and (F/N) felt quite liberated for it.

The most unpleasant thing, (F/N) thought, was packing her suitcase alongside her roommates but knowing that she wouldn’t be getting on the train with them. She went down to the train station with them, of course, but that was only because Hagrid would then be taking her to The Three Broomsticks to get settled in. Lily gave (F/N) a very tearful goodbye-for-now hug and made her swear on her life that she would write often. (F/N) had to laugh, but she gave Lily her word.

“There’s no excuse not to write either, because you’ve got Dervish and Banges for your stationery and the Post Office for owls, so if Cicero breaks down you can’t tell me there was no alternative!”

“I _know_ , Lil!” (F/N) giggled. “I already promised you, didn’t I?”

Lily smiled and squeezed (F/N)’s hand. “Have a good summer, all right?”

“You too,”

Lily hopped on the train and, as he always did, Severus quickly made his way over to (F/N) as soon as Lily was safely out of range.

“I’ll write to you as well,” he said softly, pulling her into an equally soft embrace. (F/N) enjoyed these, because he had never seemed the sort for public displays of affection. “Just stay out of trouble, all right?”

(F/N) chuckled. “Oh, you know me. Troublemaker of the century!”

He wore an odd little smile as he looked at her, eyeing her as if she didn’t know how true her statement was. Of course, she wasn’t _the_ most troublesome, but he knew what she could be like. When he didn’t reply, (F/N) let out a short little sigh of resignation, but she was still smiling.

“I promise I will stay out of trouble,” she said at last.

“Good,” he said, finally satisfied. He gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead and her heart nearly burst from her chest. “I’ll hold you to that,”

“And how exactly do you intend to police me?” said (F/N), with a defiant twinkle in her eye.

Severus looked at her for a moment, merely considering her. Then, as smoke began issuing from the scarlet engine in great, billowing clouds, he said, “Well, you’ve got six weeks to think about it. You can always tell me in a letter once you’ve worked it out,”

(F/N) pretended to frown at him before kissing his jaw. “Go on, you tease. Or it’ll leave without you,”

He grinned in a slightly triumphant manner before giving her one last squeeze. “See you in September,” he said gently.

“Have a good summer, Sev,”

“Yours will be much better than mine, I can guarantee,”

The doors were being shut all along the train and, standing near the front, Severus had plenty of time to get on. He selected the door directly in front of them, gave her a short wave, then disappeared in search of his friends. (F/N) watched as the final preparations were made for departure, and then as the scarlet steam engine chugged into life, drawing slowly out of Hogsmeade Station. She waved as a few of her friends leaned out of their carriage windows to see her off, and when Lily blew her a friendly kiss she blew one back, laughing all the while. She couldn’t help noticing James Potter giving her a cheerful thumbs-up as his carriage went by, too.

When the train was fully out of the station, and the platform was deserted but for (F/N), Hagrid approached and placed a great hand on her shoulder, jogging her a little rougher than she was really built to withstand.

“So! Stuck with me fer the summer, eh?” he said, laughing heartily. “Yer one unlucky kid, aren’t yeh?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that, Hagrid,” said (F/N) cheerfully. “I’m looking forward to it!”

Hagrid laughed again and said something about her being a “good egg”, before moving off in the direction of Hogsmeade. (F/N) had been to The Three Broomsticks lots of times since becoming a third-year, and being allowed to attend the regular visits arranged by the school, but she had never even given a thought to _staying_ there. She hoped she wouldn’t be a burden on Madam Rosmerta.

As it turned out, Rosmerta was _more_ than happy to have (F/N) to stay. “It’ll be a welcome change, having another woman about the place!” she said enthusiastically upon (F/N)’s arrival. She came out from behind the bar, tip-tapping across the flagstones in her glittery turquoise heels and gave (F/N) a very warm welcome hug. “Please, make yourself right at home!”

(F/N) was made to feel very welcome indeed. Rosmerta showed her to her room and Hagrid hoisted (F/N)’s trunk up over the bannister to her so that she wouldn’t have to drag it up herself (he was too large to climb the stairs himself) or use magic to do it either (the stairs were so narrow it seemed likely that the trunk would break something if it swayed even marginally to one side). After she was unpacked (again) and settled, she made her way back downstairs to join Hagrid and Rosmerta for a drink.

“Butterbeer, dear?” Rosmerta offered kindly. (F/N) gratefully accepted, and they all sat around one of the tables to chat. It was only when a few of Rosmerta’s regulars (with the exception of Hagrid) came in that Hagrid decided it was, perhaps, time for him to go.

“I’ll come and get yeh tomorrow mornin’, around nine o’clock, all righ’?” he said, brushing a bit of froth out of his shaggy beard. (F/N) nodded and smiled.

“I’ll see if Rosmerta needs a hand today, then,” she said, and Hagrid smiled back before taking his leave. (F/N) noticed how much he needed to duck to avoid banging his head on the lintel.

True to her word, (F/N) did help Rosmerta around the inn for the rest of the day, and well into the evening. She was so busy, and having so much fun with it, that she forgot to be sad about the fact that none of her friends were there with her. She also forgot to be worried about Auntie Beth, which she then felt guilty about later on.

That night, she lay in bed with the window open, watching a few wispy clouds drifting across the inky sky, blotting out stars in long, straggly patches. Every now and again Cicero would land on the window-sill, either to check on her (or so it seemed) or to pull apart a dead mouse. Sometimes she would doze off, only to be woken by one of two reoccurring dreams: her Greatest Fear, or the one where she perpetually wandered the woods in search of something; in the latter, she seemed to be getting nearer to some unseen goal, but she always jolted awake as soon as she knew her quarry was just around the corner …

When the new day dawned, bright and blue, (F/N) rolled out of bed and got washed and dressed. She made her bed and, feeling excited for her first day on the job with Hagrid, nearly skipped downstairs for breakfast. Madam Rosmerta didn’t have a house-elf, of course, but she had told (F/N) the day before that she was welcome to help herself to anything she wanted in the kitchen. (F/N) made herself some scrambled eggs on toast with a cup of coffee and sat down at the bar to eat.

As promised, Hagrid arrived at nine o’clock to collect her for her first day at ‘work’. He was in high spirits and seemed eager to show her what was in store that day. (F/N) set some magic to work in the kitchen, washing all of the plates and utensils she had used to make her breakfast, then followed Hagrid out into the fresh summer air.

The walk up to the castle seemed to take much less time when there was someone to talk to on the way. She and Hagrid talked about all sorts, from school and homework and teachers to what Hagrid did every day, and how excited (F/N) was to be lending him a hand. It was a beautiful day to spend outdoors, too, and (F/N) was glad that, even though she was wearing a t-shirt, Hagrid was not the sort of person who would keep staring at her scars.

(F/N)’s first day was spent helping Hagrid move the forest’s herd of Hippogriffs into another area, for better hunting and nesting. Apparently, the spot they had been in was not suitable for summertime “grazing” as Hagrid called it, even though Hippogriffs didn’t exactly ‘graze’. Nevertheless, it was an extremely enjoyable experience, as (F/N) was able to apply her knowledge of handling Aeolus to these new Hippogriffs and they had, according to Hagrid, taken to her like moths to a flame.

Of course, not every day was spent handling amazing creatures – some were spent carrying out all sorts of other manual work, like tending the school greenhouses while Professor Sprout was away, keeping the school vegetable patches slug-free, and helping Hagrid make routine repairs to parts of the castle that often got dilapidated over the course of the school year (staircases, for instance). However, (F/N)’s favourite days by far were the ones spent in the forest, roaming about and helping Hagrid keep all of the fantastic beasts within happy and placid.

Or, as placid as some of them could be.

Around halfway through the summer holidays, Hagrid decided that, since (F/N) had met a few of the centaurs already and got on surprisingly well with them, it would be an excellent idea to introduce her to an “old friend”. (F/N) followed Hagrid deeper into the forest than she ever would have dared to go on her own and was naturally horrified when the already dark forest floor suddenly came to life with a horrible, clicking sort of scurrying. She knew _why_ the floor was moving and making noises, but she _really_ didn’t want to think about it.

Eventually they came to a dimly-lit clearing, and a great crunch from somewhere up ahead alerted (F/N) to the presence of something … colossal. She peered out from behind Hagrid and clapped eyes on the most horrific (and awe-inspiring) sight she had ever seen.

A spider the size of a small elephant emerged from a gargantuan hole in the ground – obviously its nest – and stretched its obscenely long legs ((F/N) thought they must have spanned nearly twenty feet). To her horror and fascination, the spider began speaking to Hagrid in plain English.

“Ah, Hagrid. It is good to see you, my friend,” it said, in a deep, growling, yet booming voice. (F/N) was both intrigued and terrified.

“All righ’, Aragog?” said Hagrid genially. “Good to see yeh, too! I’ve brought a friend o’ mine along – she loves creatures, just like me, and I thought yeh might get along!”

Hagrid stepped back slightly and nudged (F/N) forward with a firm hand. She was quivering from head to toe but Hagrid was right – she _did_ love creatures, and she would be damned if she was going to pass up this opportunity.

“H-hello,” she said nervously.

The spider eyed her beadily for a few uncomfortable moments. “Hello, friend of Hagrid. What do you call yourself?”

“(F/N),” said (F/N), as boldly as possible. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Aragog. I never thought I’d meet an Acromantula,”

“And your thoughts?” rumbled the giant spider.

“Very impressive,” she squeaked.

“Your friend is very polite, Hagrid,” said Aragog, much more gently (if that were possible). “I like her,”

(F/N) felt a huge wave of relief wash over her, although it was short-lived as she noticed several smaller (but still very large) spiders scuttling along the branches of trees to the right and left of her. She didn’t dare look up to see if there were any more.

“I’m glad to hear it!” said Hagrid pleasantly, as though he were chatting with someone he’d met at the pub. “Can (F/N) come back and visit yeh, if she found herself out this way?”

“Of course,” said Aragog. “My sons and daughters will not touch her, but lead her safely to my burrow if she wishes to pay us a visit,”

“There yeh go, (F/N)! I knew yeh’d be friends!”

(F/N) felt … honoured. They didn’t stay long, but she thanked Aragog for his hospitality and bade him goodbye, before following Hagrid back out of the forest. She was glad to see daylight again, and only now did she feel oddly exhilarated. Probably the distinct lack of being eaten alive by enormous spiders …

“Thank you for taking me to see Aragog, Hagrid,” said (F/N) in earnest. “I never knew we had Acromantulas in there,”

Hagrid chuckled. “Just one o’ the _many_ reasons it’s forbidden!” he said. “But I’m glad yeh liked it. I’m sure yeh’ll be fast friends with all o’ the creatures in there – yeh’ve got the right mind fer it,”

(F/N) positively glowed.

The next week or so was rather quiet. Hagrid mentioned to (F/N) that there wasn’t very much for her to do, so he gave her leave to wander the grounds (as long as she didn’t go _too_ far, he said). So on the first day (F/N) brought her bag up to the school with her so that she could do her homework in the library. It was deadly quiet and very, very still, but after a while she got used to it and quite enjoyed having the run of the place. She could take out any book she liked (even in the Restricted Section if she felt so inclined) and got all of her homework done that same day. She even borrowed an interesting tome on Apparition, which she knew would come in handy very soon.

Over the days to follow, (F/N) spent a lot of time wandering the castle and around the Black Lake, always finding her way back to where Aeolus still lived. He was as jubilant as ever to see her, almost as if he hadn’t aged a bit since the day they met and pranced around the glade like a prize pony on show. (F/N) always found something to laugh at in his antics; his goofy expression, or his jaunty gait, or the way he swished his long black tail as if using it for a skipping rope. Having spent so much time in his company, (F/N) realised that she did still have a friend at Hogwarts, even if her schoolmates had all gone home. That, and she and Hagrid had become very close in these few short weeks; she knew their friendship would stand the test of time, just like her friendship with Aeolus.

On the fifth day, (F/N) was sitting in the glade with her back against a tree trunk, using magic to make daisy chains of the little flowers sitting in the long grass around her legs, just like the chain Faizan had turned his boggart into. She cast her mind back to that awful lesson, but it wandered to thoughts of Lily, and then of Severus. She wondered if Cicero would bring replies to her most recent letters to them that evening.

As she absentmindedly ran her hands through the long, cool blades of grass around her, she heard a small shuffling noise on her right. She looked carefully and saw a little brown rabbit hopping through the grass. She smiled to herself – it wasn’t just how cute the animal was that had her grinning, but how free it looked. She was sharply reminded of how she had failed to become an Animagus and wished, more than anything at that moment, that she had persevered.

What would she do if _she_ were a rabbit? Hop about, she supposed. But then, the more she thought about it, the more she could think of doing. She could hide behind things, hide in burrows in the ground, eavesdrop on people, learn all their juicy secrets … She smiled again and closed her eyes, leaning back to rest her head on the tree behind her. Instantly, images rushed through her mind of being a rabbit, dashing through the undergrowth and hopping merrily through the forest … She felt strangely small, and light …

(F/N) opened her eyes. She thought she must have been tired, and fallen asleep incredibly quickly, because there she was in the grass still, but each blade came up to at least eye-level. She looked down at the ground and, at the end of a longer, twitchier brown nose, there were long white whiskers and, on the ground itself, sat two little brown paws.

She jumped about a foot and a half into the air (literally) and rushed around in a circle, trying to see her back half. Sure enough, if she stood still and looked back on herself, she saw that she was all rabbit, complete with a little white tail.

She then thought she must have frightened herself back into her human form, because she suddenly found herself on her hands and knees in the grass, staring at her backside. There was no fluffy white tail … only jeans. She breathed a sigh of relief before sitting down and wondering what on earth had happened. Had she really just succeeded in becoming an Animagus, even though she’d given up on it months ago? And had she really just succeeded after attempting it on a mere whim?

The more she thought about it, the more absurd it seemed. She hadn’t taken the potion, and she hadn’t done the spell … she hadn’t done any of it right, so how _could_ she be an Animagus? It was impossible, and she knew she wasn’t a Metamorphmagus, or she’d have known right from birth. So what _had_ happened to her? She raised her eyes to the leafy canopy above and caught a glimpse of the brilliant blue sky beyond. She was struck by another memory, one from her fourth year … when Nolan had been torturing her. She wished she could have been a bird, then … flying free, soaring in the sky, far away from what was happening to her human body. Then, when the lightning hit her, she had felt feather-light and as though she really _could_ have been walking on air … What if she thought of that again?

(F/N) concentrated with all her might on the sensation of becoming a bird. She didn’t know what sort of bird she would be; all she cared about was having fully-functional wings and feathers to take her into the summer sky …

Somehow, despite believing it impossible, she did it. Just like that. She was, once again, eye-deep in grass but she felt even lighter than before. She looked at herself and if birds could gasp she would have done. Her feathers were black as night and shone in the green light of the woods. She gave her new wings an experimental flap, then took off around the clearing before heading for the hole in the canopy, making a break for the sky.

She had never felt so liberated in her life. She was _flying,_ but not as Hogwarts taught people to fly. She was a _bird_ , when she had just been a human, and before that a rabbit, and she had no idea how she had done it but she had assumed another form … _two_ other forms … Now she wondered if she could manage any others …

(F/N) rushed back down to the forest floor and, in her excitement, nearly crash-landed. She hopped back over to her tree and turned back into herself. Her mind was buzzing with all of the possibilities that were open to her for her transformations, and she couldn’t decide which to try next. Just then, she heard footsteps clumping through the woods towards her. Hagrid was looking for her.

“There yeh are!” said Hagrid with relief. I had a look in ‘ere a few minutes ago and yeh were nowhere to be seen …”

“Sorry, Hagrid …” said (F/N), feeling slightly ashamed of herself. Deciding not to tell him what she’d just managed to do, though, she added, “I just went for a quick walk,” She pointed vaguely into the trees to her left.

“Ah, I see. Well, so long as yeh didn’t go too far …” said Hagrid. “C’mon, I should probably be getting yeh back now,”

(F/N) nodded, called out a goodbye to Aeolus, and followed Hagrid out of the forest. As they walked, Hagrid chatted away to (F/N) about all sorts of things to do with magical creatures but (F/N), meanwhile, was desperate to tell him what she had discovered, but knew she _had_ to restrain herself until she fully understood it.

(F/N) seriously debated telling her friends about it, too. She mulled it over and over again, almost until it didn’t seem real to her anymore. Then, at length, she concluded that it was, perhaps, for the best that she kept it to herself for now. She wasn’t overly keen on keeping such a secret from those closest to her, but how would they handle this information? That she was not an Animagus, nor a Metamorphmagus … so what _was_ she? And should she tell Professor McGonagall? Perhaps not, for once … or twice, she thought, considering she hadn’t told her the whole truth about Nolan’s expulsion …

Her mind was on fire with all of this … _stuff_ to think about. She was glad she’d done her homework already, because if she tried it now she thought her brain would implode. It took her days to wrap her head around what she’d accomplished but as soon as she came to terms with it, she was back to feeling victorious and euphoric. She just wished she could show off her new powers …

The rest of the holidays seemed to fly by, however. It seemed like no time at all that the thirty-first of August was upon her, and she was in Dervish and Banges buying more school supplies. She didn’t need anything from Diagon Alley this time (that she couldn’t order, anyway) which was a good thing because it was so far away. Not that it wasn’t a long way from Spindlewood Common …

(F/N) let out a sigh as she thought of home. She missed it terribly, and she missed her aunt … She missed Eddie, too, even though she knew the chances of seeing him this summer would have been very slim now that he was at his new academy …

The first of September arrived at Hogwarts for the very last time for (F/N). She tried not to think of how there would never be another. Hagrid helped her up to the castle with her things and she made her way up to her dormitory, alone. It was a very strange way to start the new term, but she couldn’t say she didn’t enjoy the change of pace. Her plan was to hang around for the day and then, when the other students arrived, she would meet her fellow seventh-years in the Entrance Hall as they came into the castle.

Even without the other students, everything seemed to be returning to normal. Mr Filch was bustling around and seemed oddly proficient at finding (F/N), wherever she happened to be, and telling her off for ‘loitering’, but softening up again when she offered to help him around the school. She smirked to herself after trying this for the third time; _now_ she knew how to see him off. Peeves, who had naturally haunted the corridors the entire summer, always seemed to be Filch’s new target after he whinged at her, though, and this never failed to amuse her.

During her own ambling patrols of the school, (F/N) came across all of the House Ghosts and bumped into Nearly Headless Nick no fewer than four times. “We must stop meeting like this, Sir Nicholas,” she joked sweetly, with the result being an offer from Nick to walk – or float – with her awhile.

“It is nice to talk to someone who isn’t solely interested in my botched beheading,” said the Gryffindor ghost mournfully. Still, he offered her a smile. “Thank you for being such a kind young lady,”

“You are most welcome, Sir Nicholas,” said (F/N) pleasantly. Just then, Professor McGonagall came bustling around the corner and caught sight of them. (F/N) smiled warmly. “Hello, Professor,”

“Good day, Miss Castor,” said McGonagall kindly. “How was your summer?”

“Wonderful, thank you!” said the young Gryffindor. “And yours? I didn’t see you about the castle …”

“Ah, I took a little vacation, actually,” said the deputy headmistress. “But yes, it was most enjoyable, thank you. I was just on my way to see Professor Dumbledore before the other students arrive – perhaps you would like to accompany me? I am quite certain that he would like to check on you after your stay,”

(F/N) agreed and bade Nick goodbye. He bowed to her, then floated off through a wall and was gone. (F/N) walked with her head of house all the way up through the school (as she was now used to doing) and arrived in Dumbledore’s study to see him scribbling away at his desk. He looked up as they entered and greeted them both with a smile.

“Did you have good summers, my good ladies?” he asked warmly. The Gryffindor witches nodded in unison and the headmaster smiled. “Good. Very good. Hagrid tells me you were a great help, Miss Castor,”

(F/N) blushed blossom pink and smiled wider. “I’m glad to hear it. He taught me a lot,”

“Then it sounds as though this has been a very successful arrangement,” said Dumbledore enthusiastically. “However, it is my hope that no student should ever have to suffer these circumstances again …”

(F/N) suddenly remembered why she had even had to stay over the summer. “How is my aunt?” she asked before she could stop herself. “Have you heard from her, sir?”

“I have, Miss Castor, and there is nothing to fear. Your aunt is perfectly safe, although she does miss you,”

(F/N) gave him a sad sort of smile that told him she felt the same. She wandered off around his study, looking at (but not touching) the curious little instruments around the room and admiring the portraits of old Hogwarts headmasters and headmistresses. Most of them smiled down kindly; others (namely Phineas Nigellus Black) did not appear to care for the attention.

“What are you staring at, girl?”

“Nothing, sir. Just admiring your portrait,”

Professor Black seemed stumped at that and haughtily stuck his nose in the air once more. Even he could not fail to be charmed by such an innocent response.

When Professor McGonagall had concluded her business with Dumbledore, she beckoned for (F/N) to follow her out again. Dumbledore bade them farewell for now and told (F/N) that he would see her at the feast. (F/N) smiled and followed McGonagall outside and back down the spiral stairs. As they made their way back through the castle they caught sight of Professor Moran speaking quietly with Professor Flitwick. As they drew nearer, the two professors looked up and smiled.

“Ah, Minerva and (F/N),” said Flitwick cheerfully. “Lovely to see you both!”

“And you, Filius,” said McGongall, giving him a small smile that she obviously reserved for her colleagues. “And it is good to see you also, Fintan,”

Professor Moran gave her a charming, ethereal smile, which he also bestowed upon (F/N). “I am very happy to see you both in such good health,” he said softly. “I trust you have had … enlightening summers?”

Professor McGonagall smiled politely at him and, although (F/N) knew McGonagall had little patience for Divination, Professor Moran had proven time and time again to be ‘the real deal’ and so she tolerated him far more than she would most other ‘seers’. (F/N), however, caught Moran’s eye and wondered if he knew _exactly_ what had happened to her over the summer. She prayed that he would not expose her, if so.

When the other teachers moved on, and McGonagall was forced to leave her ‘favourite student’ in order to begin making the final preparations for the arrival of this year’s newcomers, (F/N) made her way down to the Black Lake for a spot of last-minute sunbathing. She was already wearing her school robes, so all she could do was roll up her sleeves, but she wasn’t about to ignore the glorious weather they were still having.

Waiting for her friends to arrive at school seemed to last a lifetime. When at last she heard the distant whistle of the Hogwarts Express down at Hogsmeade Station, she had to resist the urge to run down to meet them and instead remain in the Entrance Hall. As evening drew in, the first students crossed the courtyard and (F/N) suddenly remembered that of _course_ Lily would be among the last to arrive because she was a Prefect. So, she continued to wait until more seventh-years arrived.

The first of the seventh-years to come into sight were Cyril Partridge of Hufflepuff and his friends Sam Bunbury, Ruth Rosenthal and Davey Gudgeon. Just behind them were some of the Ravenclaws: the twins Crispin and Tabitha Law, Robert Saint and Nathaniel Warr. Then cousins Yalina and Faizan Khan, one from Ravenclaw and one from Gryffindor, came through the Entrance Hall and smiled up at her (Yalina waved). Then she caught sight of Avery and Mulciber and, despite disliking them with every fibre of her being, (F/N)’s heart fluttered. Severus wouldn’t be far behind them …

Sure enough, he appeared alongside Rosier and Rookwood, who were trying not to trip over some pint-sized third-years. Severus spotted her lingering off to the side of the Entrance Hall and smiled, cutting a path through the chattering students to reach her.

“Hello,” he said, giving her a small smile. It was as if he hadn’t seen her in years and was now unsure of how to behave around her.

(F/N) gave him a huge smile of her own and pulled him into a hug. “Hello to you too,” she said. “Good summer?”

“Could’ve been better,” he said honestly, but then he looked at her and smiled properly. “This makes up for it,”

(F/N) couldn’t believe that someone so cool and collected could be so … _sweet_ when he wanted to be. The moment didn’t last long, though, because the atmosphere was shattered by the arrival of certain boisterous seventh-year Gryffindor boys.

“I should go in …” said Severus quietly. “They wouldn’t shut up on the train,”

“Okay … See you later,” said (F/N), brow furrowing with concern. She turned her attention towards Black, Lupin and Pettigrew, but … where was Potter?

Black spotted (F/N) loitering off to the side of the hall and made a beeline for her. “Good summer, Castor? Did old Hagrid have you toiling away out there?”

“Not so much ‘toiling’, but yes, I did do a lot of work,” said (F/N) coolly. “What’s it to you?”

“Nothing,” said Black innocently. “You just look like you’ve caught the sun. It’s a good look,”

At that, he sauntered off. (F/N) couldn’t believe the nerve on him. The crowd was beginning to thin now, though, and she was glad to see more of her friends approaching the castle. Julie, Sylvie and Cathy were walking together and grinned as they passed her. Evelyn was walking with Isaac Furnival, another Ravenclaw boy, and they were holding hands. (F/N) smiled as well – it was lovely to see two very nice people get together. Behind them were Edith and Haydn who, (F/N) was pleased to see, were also still a couple.

“Hi, (F/N)!” said Edith as she passed. “Can’t wait to catch up with _you_ later! You must’ve had a brilliant summer!”

“Heh, you could say that,” (F/N) chuckled back. Haydn simply grinned down at her as he walked by; he had grown another three inches at least, and now wore his hair in a messy sort of ponytail – he looked rebellious despite his sweet face and it suited him.

What she saw next absolutely astounded her, though. There was Lily, walking across the courtyard … with _Potter._ As soon as Lily spotted her, though, Lily forgot all about him and took off running at full speed, crashing into (F/N) with the force of a runaway freight train.

“(F/N)!” she shrieked, like a firework discharging. “Oh, I’ve _missed_ you! Was your summer okay? Did you have fun?”

(F/N) chuckled, trying to prise her best friend off so she could look at her. “I’ve missed you too!” she said. “Shall we catch up in a bit? Feast’s about to start,”

Lily nodded eagerly, before nearly dragging (F/N) into the Great Hall. She didn’t seem to mind that she’d have to wait to talk about their summers. Just as she turned, though, (F/N) noticed a different badge gleaming on her school robes.

“Lil …” she said, stopping her in her tracks. “What is _that?!”_

“Oh!” Lily blushed red, making her look like a freshly struck match. “I … hope you don’t mind … I didn’t want to just tell you in writing; I wanted to do it in person … They made me Head Girl!”

(F/N)’s face lit up. “I’M SO PROUD OF YOU!” she squealed, pulling Lily back for a hug. “Oh, I _knew_ you’d be the one to do it!”

Lily was trembling with excitement and squeezed (F/N) back. Both girls had forgotten, though, that James was still standing right behind them. Finally, Lily spotted him out of the corner of her eye and gave him an apologetic smile. “Oh, yeah, I forgot … (F/N), James got made Head Boy. That’s why I walked up with him from the carriages,”

(F/N) turned to stare at him in bewilderment, but she smiled all the same. “Congratulations,” she said honestly. “What about Lupin, though? Wasn’t he a Prefect?”

James grinned. “I felt bad for him, but when I got offered the Head Boy position, I thought … Maybe it’s about time I stopped being such a _toerag_ ,” he said, directing the final word at Lily who then blushed hotly.

“Yes, well … You _were_ being a toerag, before …” said Lily defensively.

James laughed. “I know. I mean, boys will be boys, but we’ve all got to grow up sometime, right?”

With that he walked past them and into the Great Hall. The girls watched him go, one with curiosity and the other with … something very different. (F/N) realised what it was right away.

“Merlin’s _pants_ , Lily Evans!” said (F/N), as quietly as she could in her current state of excitement. Lily looked at her, quite alarmed. “You _fancy_ him!”

“I do not!” said Lily indignantly. “He’s got a long way to go before he’s proven that he’s not a stupid child anymore …”

“Maybe so, but I’m guessing that won’t stop you from thinking he’s cute, and just a _teensy_ bit more grown-up than he was last year …”

(F/N) studied Lily’s face for any sign that what she was saying wasn’t true and came up empty-handed. Lily was avoiding her gaze, too. When at last Lily looked her in the eyes, it was to look away immediately and say, “Oh, shove off, will you?”

(F/N) burst out laughing and walked towards the Great Hall. “Where shall I shove off to? To sit next to James and ask him out for you?”

“Shut _up_ , already!” Lily protested, but even she was smiling now. “Or … or …”

“Or what?” (F/N) teased as they stepped over the threshold. The entire hall was chatting still, so their conversation couldn’t be overheard. She poked her friend affectionately in the side. “Or what, Lil?”

“Or … nothing, I guess,” said Lily, defeated. She still gave (F/N) a playful push, though, and both girls laughed again before taking the seats kindly saved for them by Haydn. “You are such a wind-up merchant, (F/N) Castor,”

(F/N) gave her a cheeky grin and said, “Tell me something I don’t know,”

They didn’t realise, though, that James and Co. were listening from just down the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Update 16th May 2020: I realised Ch. 36 was somehow pasted into Ch. 37, and so got repeated. I'm so sorry.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,
> 
> I’m so sorry it’s taken me a few days to post a new chapter; working and studying got on top of me a bit and then I just ended up vegetating over the last 24hrs or so ... Still. Thank you so much for hanging in there. I’ll do my best to keep up for you!
> 
> With love,
> 
> SooperChicken

(F/N) knew from the outset that this year was going to be a difficult one, what with N.E.W.T examinations headed straight for them like a rogue Erumpent on steroids, and having to decide once and for all where they were going after Hogwarts. However, (F/N) hadn’t counted on having to deal with a worrying turn of events regarding Severus.

Of course, as the rest of the seventh-years were beginning to make plans for their post-Hogwarts careers, so too were the bright-eyed ‘Dark Lord Youth’ – the young hopefuls who had wanted to join Voldemort’s ranks since their third year. It wasn’t that Severus was beginning to drift away from her – quite the opposite, in fact. He was becoming very protective of her and would scarcely even allow his friends to voice their disapproval of her.

“Just because they’re my friends, doesn’t mean I have to like what they say about you,” said Severus hotly, one evening in the library. He hadn’t troubled to keep his voice low, either, so naturally (F/N) flinched, thinking that Madam Pince _had_ to have heard him.

“Okay … sorry …” said (F/N) quietly.

Severus reached across the desk and rubbed her hand with his thumb. “No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap,” he said. “It’s just … I put up with it from them for a year, and I was too timid to say anything. They’re not getting away with it anymore,”

(F/N) was very flattered. She didn’t expect him to stick his neck out like this to defend her honour, but she was glad that he seemed willing to do it if necessary. Especially against his own friends …

“Thank you, Sev …” she whispered.

He didn’t reply, but when she lowered her eyes to her book again he couldn’t help but stare. She was beautiful, and she was a brightness where everything otherwise seemed so dark. He wanted her with him when they left Hogwarts, but … would she go with him? Of course she wouldn’t. She hated Voldemort, and everything he stood for. Severus thought it a wonder that she still stood beside him, never criticising, maybe _occasionally_ voicing her concern, but it was _always_ for his wellbeing. He wanted to protect her, but he couldn’t do that if she was with him, and he couldn’t do it if she wasn’t, either …

So, what to do? He made his choice on the spot: he would keep her as near as possible so that he could keep an eye on her, and make sure nothing bad happened to her. Of course, she could look after herself, but the more protection the better, surely? He loved her; he had already told her so. He’d already lost people along this road … He didn’t want to lose her, too.

(F/N) had no idea that he was having these thoughts. She was blissfully unaware of the true nature of his worries, but she was not blind to the new tension between them. She felt it, and she knew its source: their divided philosophies. She didn’t know what she was going to do come the end of the year … Could she convince Severus to come with her, or was the Dark Side’s intrigue too powerful to resist? Could they continue their relationship if they followed their own paths? She didn’t want to think about it. She had exams to contend with first, and she couldn’t jeopardise her grades; if she wanted to be an Auror, she needed top grades, and top grades she would get (or die trying, she told herself).

If someone had clicked their fingers and zapped September out of existence, (F/N) wouldn’t have been surprised. October was upon them quicker than they could blink, and even the Hallowe’en feast had come and gone before any of them had really got their bearings. (F/N) deeply envied the new first-years, with seven long, fascinating years ahead of them, while her final year felt like the tail of a shooting star – soon to fade into the dark expanse of space.

As November fell upon the school, cold and grey, so too did the new Quidditch season. Although they’d watched a few matches, for one reason or another (F/N) and her friends had never really been into the popular sport. However, the first match to be played was between Gryffindor and Ravenclaw and now, suddenly, Lily wanted (F/N) to come with her to watch. (F/N) granted herself three guesses as to why Lily had developed a sudden interest in Quidditch, and she knew she could get the answer in one.

(F/N) had to admit, after watching this match and seeing the stands go wild with applause, James Potter was very skilled on a broom. He zipped about the pitch as though he, himself, could fly, and no broom was needed at all. He made it look easy, and he did look dashing in his scarlet Gryffindor robes. He wasn’t (F/N)’s type, but she could see why the girls loved him … and why he was steadily growing on her best friend.

_“Sly dog …”_ she thought, as she watched him return to ground level to join in the celebration of Gryffindor’s victory. _“You still managed to wriggle your way into her heart. It only took six years, but hey …”_

“Wasn’t that good?” said Lily, as they made their way back to the castle.

“Oh, yes. I wish we’d watched more matches before now,” (F/N) admitted. “Did you get enough eye candy to give you sweet dreams tonight?”

Lily swatted her roughly. “You’re impossible!” she bleated. “I never teased you this much when I found out you fancied Severus!”

“That’s because I had that little nugget tortured out of me, remember? I _hope_ you’d treat me a bit gentler after that …” (F/N) giggled. It was a strange thought for her now; it seemed like a lifetime ago, and almost like it hadn’t happened at all. If not for the scars all over her body, she might have denied it completely.

Lily breathed in sharply, and (F/N) realised the memory still haunted her. “Sorry, (F/N) … I always forget …”

“Hey, I’m laughing now, aren’t I?” said (F/N) jovially.

“Yeah, you are … you psychopath,” Lily teased.

The girls laughed all the way back to the castle, affectionately calling each other names and teasing one another about boys. They passed Severus’ group of Slytherins in the corridor and, although Lily very convincingly pretended not to see them, (F/N) glanced behind her to see Severus doing the same. She smirked, knowing what his game was, and carried on walking. She flicked her hair out behind her in a very deliberate motion.

That evening, a tawny owl flew up to her dormitory window and landed on the sill. It tapped its beak on the glass and (F/N) hurried over to let it in, taking the letter it carried; it was addressed to her. Recognising the cramped writing on the front (it had actually grown neater over the years), she tore open the envelope and read the letter inside.

Her heart fluttered slightly to read Severus’ words. It was too cold to go outside, so he had suggested meeting in the Room of Requirement. (F/N) checked her watch; it was already long past curfew, so that meant …

(F/N) grabbed her bag with the Undetectable Extension Charm she had placed and packed a few essentials. Thankfully it was Saturday, so she didn’t have to worry about packing her robes. She grabbed her wand from the bedside cabinet and slipped that inside her jumper. Casting about the room for anything else she would need, (F/N) decided that was everything and released the tawny owl back through the window. She watched as it flew off in the direction of the Owlery … Surely he wasn’t still down there …

(F/N) closed the window and hurried from the dormitory. There were very few people left downstairs, and Lily was one of them, sitting in one of the best chairs by the fire. She had their latest Transfiguration textbook open in her lap. “Where are you off to?” she asked, her green eyes glittering curiously.

“Erm … to meet Severus …” said (F/N) timidly, feeling her cheeks and forehead growing warm with embarrassment.

Lily chuckled. “Hmm … Okay, I’ll let you off. Head Girl’s discretion,”

(F/N) grinned and winked at her best friend. “Thanks, Lil,” she said. Then, a little more suspiciously, she added, “What do I owe you?”

Lily winked back. “I’m sure we can come to an arrangement later on,” she said. (F/N) could tell from her tone of voice that she was only teasing.

(F/N) waved to her and left the common room, pushing open the Fat Lady’s portrait and ignoring her protests that it was long past curfew. (F/N) hurried off towards the seventh floor, taking the fastest route she knew. She only hoped she didn’t bump into Filch on the way …

The corridors remained mercifully clear, and (F/N) arrived at the blank wall where the doors to the Room of Requirement would appear. She walked up and down a couple of times, thinking of what she needed, but nothing happened. She turned suddenly at the sound of footsteps behind her and saw Severus standing in the door of a disused classroom. He looked rather annoyed, to put it mildly.

“Someone else knows about the Room, and got here first,” he said, voice laced with irritation. “I’m sorry for dragging you out here …”

“That’s all right …” said (F/N) softly, approaching him carefully as though he might lash out. He reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling her to him in one fluid motion. “Wait, where are we going?”

“In here,” said Severus hoarsely.

“Well, _yeah_ , I got that bit on my own …”

“Then why ask?”

So he was in one of _those_ moods. (F/N) smiled to herself, because she knew what was coming when that door closed …

Sure enough, as soon as it was firmly shut, Severus backed her up against it and kissed her roughly. She whimpered against his lips, prompting him to tighten his grip on her delicate wrists, now pinned to the door above her head. Her body felt as though it were ablaze, despite Severus’ skin being very cool to the touch. Being this close to him after so long felt divine, and everything, from the just-right amount of weight with which he bore down on her to the careful ministrations he now subjected her body to, holding both of her wrists with one hand, was perfect.

They enjoyed this quiet moment together and it seemed to last for hours. Suddenly, though, they were interrupted by the sound of Filch wheezing along the corridor. He was talking to Mrs Norris as usual, and he did not sound pleased. (F/N) knew that if they were caught he would not be as forgiving as he had been on the first day of term. Not that she had been breaking the rules then, like she was now …

She looked at Severus and he seemed to be wearing an expression that mirrored how she felt. He rolled his eyes wearily, kissed her deeply one more time, then said, “I did place the Silencing Charm on the room first, you know …”

“That doesn’t stop Filch from checking rooms – I _know_ you didn’t lock the door. And it doesn’t stop Peeves from appearing out of nowhere and shrieking the castle down,” said (F/N), and Severus had to admit that she was quite right.

“Okay, okay …” he said, his voice now tinged with exasperation. “Let me look first, then you’ll go on my signal,”

He stepped around her and opened the door just wide enough for him to poke his head out. (F/N) moved away from the door so he could open it a little more and, when he was sure the coast was clear, he waved to (F/N) to go. She ducked underneath his arm, kissed him on the cheek, then set off at a silent sprint down the corridor in the direction she’d come. Severus decided to follow at a distance.

Disappointed that their rendezvous was cut short, (F/N) returned to Gryffindor Tower in significantly lower spirits than she had anticipated when she left. Still, she couldn’t feel _completely_ let-down; _any_ time spent with Severus was welcome, and she couldn’t deny that she had desperately missed kissing him like that …

It was as she thought this that it suddenly occurred to her that she, Severus and all of their friends were now ‘of age’ by wizarding standards. She had never thought of it until then …

(F/N) threw on her pyjamas and climbed into bed, drawing the curtains around her as she did so. Lily and the other girls were already asleep, so she wondered … could she get away with …?

(F/N) suddenly found her hands working of their own accord, working towards resolving the ‘problem’ her boyfriend had left her with. She just knew that she had to be very, _very_ quiet …

***

The Christmas holidays rushed in as quickly as the snow that blanketed Hogwarts. Despite the already vast and ever-increasing amounts of homework being piled on by the teachers, (F/N) was quite glad to be spending another Christmas at school. It would be a nice memory to leave with at the end of the year, with the Great Hall’s twelve magnificent Christmas trees, the colourful lights and decorations, and homely scent of Christmas cooking being fresh in her mind. There weren’t very many other students staying this time, but (F/N) was very pleased to learn that Severus was among them.

“I wrote to my parents saying I wanted to stay, since it’s our last Christmas here,” he said quietly. It was Christmas Eve, and he and (F/N) were sitting in the Room of Requirement, reading books on the cosy sofa in the study that always appeared for (F/N). She was snuggled up to him, and he was reading his own book while still having an arm wrapped around her.

“Well, it’s nice to have you here,” said (F/N) warmly, wriggling against him slightly. “And it’s nice to not have to worry about other people nicking our room …”

A small smile spread across Severus’ lips, even though (F/N) couldn’t see it. “True,” he said. “There aren’t enough people around,”

“Wouldn’t it be annoying if one of the people who are still here just _happened_ to know about the Room?” (F/N) chuckled.

“Unbelievably so,”

(F/N) closed her book and leaned forward to place it on the coffee table – she was almost as careful with books as Madam Pince, Severus noted. He closed his too, and put it on the small, round table to his right. Together, they stared into the flames dancing in the fireplace. (F/N) wondered if it was somehow connected to the Floo Network.

After a couple of minutes, Severus said, “You are perpetually curious, aren’t you?”

(F/N) craned her neck to look at him. “What do you mean?”

“You were wondering if that fireplace is on the Floo Network, weren’t you?”

(F/N)’s eyes widened considerably. “How did you –,” Severus simply stared at her, and (F/N) had her answer. “But how did you use Legilimency if you couldn’t see my face?”

“I don’t _need_ to see your face,” said Severus. “You should know that. You’ve known me long enough,”

“I suppose,” (F/N) admitted. “I wish I could do it,”

“Someone like you could learn it quite easily,”

“What makes you think that?”

Again, Severus just looked at her. He was admiring her, really, but something about the way she asked made him wonder whether she really couldn’t see how gifted she was. Knowing how powerful she was already, though, _he_ thought it would make a wonderful addition to her repertoire.

At length, he sighed. “You’re a very talented witch. I’m sure it would come naturally to you – and it would be useful for your career,”

“I guess it would be, but I’m not _that_ good, and I’m not sure it _would_ come naturally … As much as I appreciate the sentiment,” she said, affectionately squeezing his knee.

Severus smiled, this time to himself. He wasn’t going to argue with her – she was too modest and he would never win, even if he told her she was talented until he was blue in the face. “Well, even if you don’t pursue it, you’ve got plenty of other skills that will make you a good Auror,”

(F/N) didn’t say anything; she had been reminded sharply of how different her path was to his. At length she managed a small “thank you”. Severus noticed her reticence and felt the silence descending upon the room – despite the crackling of the fire – like heavy snowfall. He knew, even without permeating her mind, that she was nervous about the end of school. Did he press her on it, though? Was that wise? Would it upset her? He had no idea, and there was really only one honest way of finding out the answers …

“Are you scared?” he asked.

“What would I be scared of?” she replied.

Severus did his best not to sigh; answering questions with questions was one of (F/N)’s favourite ways of avoiding a topic. It was that, or humour. He wouldn’t let her get away with it. He gripped her, firmly but gently, by the forearm – the one within reach, for she leaned on the other – and twisted her so that she lay beneath him on the sofa. She squeaked as he moved her so deftly, almost as if he had used a spell to do it, and stared up at him with wide, bright eyes that seemed to him to blaze in the firelight.

“I mean, are you scared of what comes next?”

Her gaze, he realised, was suddenly defiant. He struggled not to smile; her insolence was the only thing that would make her a truly abysmal Death Eater, other than her totally different ideals. “You’ll have to narrow it down,” she said silkily. “There are many aspects of ‘what comes next’ that people may fear …”

Severus raised an eyebrow at her, black eyes glittering with curiosity, before leaning down to kiss her softly. When he was finished, he said, “Our paths. Are you worried about the paths we’ll take when we leave Hogwarts?”

(F/N) blinked at him, squirming uncomfortably under the intensity of his stare. She knew that all it would take would be for him to take a quick glance at her innermost thoughts and he would have his answer … but he was choosing not to. He had asked her _nicely_ , and she decided it would be discourteous to deny him further.

“Of course I’m worried,” she said truthfully. “Are you?”

“A bit,” he said, and she could tell he was being honest with her in return. “There are options available though, aren’t there?”

(F/N) was suddenly feeling more uncomfortable around him now than she ever had in the past, even when they’d fallen out in their second year, or when he’d discovered her crush on him during their fourth. Why was he asking her these questions? Why so suddenly? She knew that, even if she knew how to use – and tried to employ – Legilimency now, it would be futile; Severus’ mind would be completely barricaded against the prying of external forces and, with what he had endured over the years, she could hardly blame him for building such defences. She couldn’t rely on Divination to help her either, because she hadn’t yet reached a point of being able to glean specific answers to questions yet, only ever what the ‘Beyond’ wanted her to see …

“Yes …” said (F/N) at length. “But please let’s not talk about this now … It’s Christmas Eve …”

He studied her – _hard_ – for several long moments before acquiescing to her plaintive request. He had a couple of answers, anyway: Yes, she was worried, and yes, asking about it was upsetting to her. But he cared for her on a level he never thought possible, and he wanted to explore every avenue that was open to them in terms of making a compromise …

For now, though, that could wait. He recaptured her lips in another soft kiss, drawing the plump skin to him as if their touch was magnetic, and ran an inquisitive hand along her side. She shivered, but did not protest, so he took this as his cue to continue. All caution was thrown to the wind as he moved a hand to cradle one of her soft, supple breasts, eliciting a wanton whimper from those beautiful lips. She knew what to do with him, too. She trailed a hand from his chest to his stomach, making him shiver with hot excitement, pausing briefly before slipping down further to stroke him through his jeans. He moaned softly into her mouth, unable to stop himself, then decided to return the favour.

So lost in the moment was she, (F/N) hardly noticed that their clothes had come off and their bodies were pressed eagerly together, basking in each other’s comforting heat. Severus kissed her slowly and deeply, toying with everything she felt, where she felt it and how. His already skilled hands had become practiced and clever since he had been with her, and he was very keen to put them to use. With emotions and adrenaline running high, no more time was wasted in becoming one with each other for what was, without a doubt, the best Christmas Eve they’d ever had.

Steadily, the candles in the room burned low, and the flames in the fireplace shrank to embers. Fire still burned intensely in the young lovers’ hearts, though, and they felt as though nothing in the world could smother it.

***

Upon the return of the rest of Hogwarts’ students in January, notices were placed in every common room for the attention of all seventh-years. Apparition classes were being advertised, and anyone interested in tuition simply had to sign up. (F/N) was intrigued; Apparition was a skill that no witch or wizard could claim served no purpose for them, and she had been wondering whether the school would offer them a chance to learn it. Now that she and all of her peers were ‘of age’ (some having been so since the previous year), it only seemed natural that they learn this incredibly useful skill.

Lessons began on the second Friday of term. Nearly all of the seventh-years had signed up, so it was simply a case of the instructor (a Ministry official) keeping everyone organised and focused. The heads of houses were also present, presumably to keep an eye on their students, but (F/N) was not concerned about Professor McGonagall’s presence. In fact, she was heartened by it.

All the instructor had them doing was – once they had been talked through the theory behind Apparition – attempting to get themselves into the wooden hoop sitting on the floor in front of them. This was all being practised in the Great Hall, where the Anti-Apparition Jinx had been temporarily lifted for these exercises. (F/N) was glad the tutorials were being held here rather than out in the grounds, because it was still absolutely freezing outside. The sky was a consistent shade of grey that could be likened to ice itself, and for several weeks snow had blanketed the grounds. As the weeks wore on and February drew near, the snow thawed but gave way to permanent coatings of frost instead. (F/N) often wished that she could master Apparition now, and transport herself somewhere nice and hot …

Most of her year had got the hang of Apparition by March. (F/N), and several of her friends, had managed to get it spot-on, and were Apparating all over the Great Hall, much to the annoyance of some of their colleagues. The Marauders had also learned rather quickly, with the exception of Pettigrew. Although managing to get into his hoop once, he had splinched himself more times than anyone within a five-foot radius cared to think about (he seemed to have a talent for splinching himself in the most extraordinarily bloody but non-fatal ways). Potter, Black and Lupin got a few laughs out of it, but after the fourth time the splinching became decidedly _un_ funny.

“I’m telling you, Wormtail, if you carry on like that – not focusing – you’ll splinch your head off next,” said Potter, as they left the Great Hall. (F/N) and Lily were walking a short distance behind and could hear everything.

As the Gryffindors approached the marble staircase, (F/N) caught a glimpse of Severus and his friends walking to the dungeons and towards the Slytherin common room. She remembered that she was supposed to be meeting him later that evening for study (she divided her time fairly and evenly between him and Lily). They had arranged to meet at the Owlery, however, as they both had letters to send. Severus’ was for his mother; (F/N)’s was for Eddie, as he had recently written to her, but Cicero would not be up to flying in the unusually high spring winds they were having, so she required another owl.

She went to Gryffindor Tower with Lily, so she could tell her about where she was going that evening and also to pick up her books and equipment (all they needed for Apparition lessons were their wands). She picked up her letter to Eddie from her bedside table, and steadily made her way to the Owlery, taking care not to be caught unawares by any strong gusts of wind as she climbed the steep stairs of the lonely tower.

Once inside, she looked around. She’d had few reasons to come here in the past and, although she loved animals, she was actually rather glad. The floor seemed composed almost entirely of straw and bird droppings – (F/N) wondered whether there was any real floor whatsoever underneath it all – and the tower itself was very draughty; she wouldn’t have been pleased if she’d had to come here during the winter months. Owls of all shapes, sizes and colours napped in their little nooks, some of them opening beady eyes to watch her as she observed them all. A few were beginning to wake, ready for the night’s hunting. These early-bird owls hooted and stretched their wings and ruffled their feathers as though stretching after a long night’s sleep.

(F/N) finally selected a handsome barn owl to carry her letter, and he gladly took it in his sharp little beak. She wasn’t sure if it was her newfound ability to understand creatures even better than before, but she could have sworn that he was grateful for being chosen, and for her decency to wait until he’d woken up properly. She watched his retreating form as he battled the squall, seeing him off until he was but a speck on the horizon. Now, all she had to do was await Eddie’s reply – it had been so long since she’d heard from him.

Daylight was fading fast, and it was getting chilly. (F/N) pulled her robes about her for warmth and rubbed her arms vigorously. At last, just as (F/N) began to wonder whether Severus had forgotten their meeting place (perhaps he’d already posted his letter?), she heard voices approaching, and one of them definitely belonged to him.

The voices, however, did not sound very happy.

“Why do you keep pestering me about it?” said Severus angrily. “I _will_ sort something out, don’t worry …”

“Yes, but _when?_ ” said Avery. (F/N) was not pleased to hear that he had accompanied Severus. Thinking quickly, she transformed herself into as good a replica as she could of the barn owl she’d just used, and flew up into the rafters; she was rather getting used to having wings, now.

“Does it matter? We’ve got exams first, and even they’re months away,” growled Severus. (F/N) could hear their footsteps on the stone stairs outside. A particularly strong gust of wind pummelled the Owlery, causing a small eruption of hooting.

“I think it does matter, yes. We’ve been telling you for ages now, Castor _will_ become a problem if you don’t sort her out,”

“No one _could_ ‘sort out’ Castor,” said Severus, and (F/N) was surprised to hear him refer to her by her surname only. Did he always speak about her like this to his friends? She couldn’t deny that she was pleased for his defence of her, though. “Anyway …” Severus went on. “How could she be a problem?”

The Slytherins came into view, and (F/N) was extremely unhappy to see not just Avery, but Mulciber too. He had been keeping very quiet.

Avery tutted loudly and crossed his arms. “She wants to be an _Auror_ , Severus. A _Dark Wizard Catcher_. That hardly sounds like the sort of _friend_ you’ll want in a few months’ time,”

Severus clenched his jaw as he gave his own letter to a brown owl on one of the lower tiers. (F/N) could see the frustration boiling up inside him and hoped, for his sake, that his friends got bored soon and went back to the castle.

“I do want her, though,” said Severus obstinately. Avery’s eyebrows slid up his face in response, but it was Mulciber’s turn to speak.

“You haven’t gone soft, have you?” he jeered. “What’s she done to you? Maybe she’s done enough damage already …”

“Of course I haven’t!” snapped Severus, rounding on the pair as the owl flew off. “You don’t know anything about it. I …” Severus stopped himself, and (F/N) could clearly see – with her beady owl eyes – that he was thinking of a good response. It was not what she was expecting. “… Wouldn’t you want someone as powerful as her around, for as long as possible?”

Avery and Mulciber nodded reasonably. Then Avery spoke again. “Yes, that _would_ be a nice bonus. Everyone already says you’re the luckiest son-of-a-bitch at Hogwarts, Severus; I suppose it helps that she’s quite a good witch …”

Severus nearly scoffed; to say that (F/N) was ‘quite good’ was a vast understatement.

“ _But_ ,” said Mulciber pointedly, drawing all attention back to him. “The fact still remains: Castor would never, _ever_ join the Dark Lord’s cause. And that, my friend, is the only way you’ll be able to continue your relationship with her,”

Severus’ gaze dropped to the filthy floor. (F/N) felt as though her stomach had also plummeted to the floor. Was he really considering Mulciber’s perspective? Did he doubt the strength of their relationship? (F/N) had to admit, if she was an Auror and Severus was a Death Eater, she might struggle to put love before duty if she came across him in the field … but did it have to be like _this?_

After a long and painful silence, Severus sighed heavily. “And what would you have me do? You’re right – she won’t join the Dark Lord, esteemed though she would be, but I’m not prepared to let her go, either,”

“Break up with her, you mean?” said Avery. Severus shook his head slowly, but adamantly. (F/N) thought, even in owl form, she was going to throw up; her stomach felt horribly hot, like she’d swallowed molten lead, and her feathered face was just as feverish. She puffed out her feathery chest and flexed her wings slightly to take her mind off the awful feeling that she was about to lose her boyfriend because of his stupid friends…

But then she thought of something, something Severus had just said. _“I’m not prepared to let her go, either.”_ That wasn’t something he’d have said a few months ago … It was completely out of character in terms of how he treated her, and how he spoke of her. Something had definitely changed … and (F/N) was very unsure of things, now.

“Well, there is something else you could do, Severus,” said Mulciber slyly. Severus eyed him suspiciously, but (F/N) couldn’t see his expression; she had no idea that Severus didn’t like where this was going.

“And what’s that?” Severus hissed.

“Put her under the Imperius Curse,” said Mulciber with a shrug, as if he’d just suggested something as ordinary as asking someone to tea. (F/N) stared at him, wishing she could gouge his wicked little eyes out with her nice, sharp beak and vicious talons.

To her mounting disquiet, though, Severus went very still. He didn’t say a word; he didn’t even shake his head for a few minutes. Was he … _thinking_? (F/N) felt like all of the wind had been sucked from her lungs. The sensation was even worse when, at last, Severus nodded his head. He gave a dry, mirthless chuckle and said, “I suppose that’s the only other option, isn’t it? Besides _asking_ her, of course,”

Mulciber grinned cruelly, although he clearly meant it as a friendly gesture for Severus. “I knew you’d see sense sooner or later,” he remarked, before making his way to the door. “You’re meeting her here, aren’t you? Say hello to her for me,”

With that, he left. Avery seemed to remember why he’d accompanied Severus in the first place and removed a letter of his own from the inside of his robes, giving it to a tawny owl sitting nearby. She took off in a flurry of feathers then he, too, left the Owlery, without another word to Severus. All was quiet, save the occasional low hooting of owls and the rustling of feathers. Even the wind seemed to have died down. (F/N) knew this to be because she was completely and utterly gobsmacked … and she felt as though she had been robbed of something precious.

Severus sighed, more lightly than before, and put his hands in his pockets. He seemed to be staring out of the window opposite, although at nothing in particular. He had clearly resigned himself to waiting for (F/N) to arrive but, with the remaining strength she had (she was very wobbly, all of a sudden), she fluttered down from the eaves and transformed back into her human form before Severus’ eyes. He stared at her, dumbfounded.

“I didn’t know you could do that,” he said. “You … succeeded in becoming an Animagus?”

“Something like that,” (F/N) croaked. She was trying to hold back tears, he could see. Then it dawned on him.

“Er … How much of that did you hear, exactly?”

(F/N) stared back, her intelligent (E/C) eyes glistening with tears. Severus didn’t need to hear the words, but she forced them out anyway. “All of it,”

Severus looked desperate, suddenly. It was clearly one of those instances where you wished you could change what happened, what was said, what was done … but you can’t, because that is one of life’s cruelties. He looked as though he wanted to take it all back, but …

“I didn’t mean it,” he said quickly, seeing hot, angry tears welling up in (F/N)’s eyes. “You know I would never …”

“Sev …” said (F/N) softly, catching him off-guard with her gentleness. “… I know something has changed, recently. I know you’re preparing to join Voldemort, now more than ever …”

Severus flinched slightly at the name.

“… but I didn’t think you’d agree with them about using an Unforgivable Curse. On _anyone_ … let alone me …”

“I _wouldn’t_ use one on you,” Severus insisted. “I said that to shut them up,”

“But it took you a long time to think about shutting them up,” said (F/N), and she was quite right. Severus could hide it from her, but he couldn’t lie to himself; he had _thought_ of doing something like this, but only so he could keep (F/N) beside him ...

“I had to convince them, didn’t I?”

“Why couldn’t you have just told them ‘no’?”

“Because the alternative is losing you,”

(F/N) paused. She took several deep, quiet, calming breaths before continuing. “That just … makes it sound like you really did consider it,” she whispered.

“ _No_ …” said Severus adamantly, even though he knew that wasn’t strictly true. He came forward and tried to pull her into a warm embrace, but she backed away. That hurt more than he anticipated. “(F/N), I wouldn’t do that to you …”

“Then how were you going to get around this?” she asked, her voice adopting a slightly sharper edge.

He breathed in deeply, then let it out in yet another sigh. “I don’t know. I was going to speak to you about it …”

(F/N) lowered her gaze to the floor. Even the detritus there seemed prettier than the situation at hand. “… You tried to speak to me about it before, at Christmas. I remember now,” she said quietly. “But everything stays the same, no matter how you look at it. I won’t join Voldemort willingly, so you either have to leave me, or … force me to come with you. It wouldn’t work if we’re together but on different sides …”

Severus could see where this was going, and he didn’t like it at all. He was a little offended that (F/N) never told him she could turn into an owl, or he might have been more discreet, but the damage was done. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. (F/N) was crying, tears running freely down her smooth cheeks, like rain over marble.

“I see it now …” she murmured through the tears. “I see why you were trying to coax me into talking about it at Christmas … You wanted to avoid _this_ ,”

“Of _course_ I did!”

“But your options are still – the – same, Severus!” said (F/N), raising her voice a little. It cracked slightly in her misery. “I know you _say_ you won’t use the Imperius Curse on me, but you also said you’re not prepared to lose me …”

When Severus didn’t respond, she knew they were at the end of the discussion. Fresh tears fell thicker and faster down her face. He had nothing left to argue, but he thought he _could_ try to soothe her.

“Sev … I …”

He tried reaching out for her again, and this time she let him lightly hold her hand. He waited for her to continue.

“I love you,” she said earnestly. “But after this … I can’t trust you. And I don’t think I could live my life wondering whether I should be watching my back all the time …”

“You don’t ever need to do that …” Severus said, a note of pleading in his normally cool, calm voice. “I’m sorry for what I said … I really didn’t mean it …”

(F/N)’s eyes were sad. “Maybe so, but … I think I’m beginning to realise a lot of things, now …”

“What do you mean?” he asked softly.

“That perhaps Lily was right,” she said, trying to cause as little pain with her tone as possible. “The fact that you didn’t mean it kind of makes it worse …”

Severus tried to ignore that comment as it felt more like a personal sleight than anything … Bringing Lily into this felt unnecessary … It was just him and (F/N), and that was it. His fingers tried to lace themselves with hers, but she pulled her hand away. It lingered for a moment, but the meaning of that was quite clear to Severus – she didn’t want to let go. He didn’t either, and he didn’t want to accept her words. He could make it up to her … But how?

(F/N) took a deep, shuddering sigh of her own. “I think, Sev, that it’s maybe time for us to start pursuing the lives that await us after Hogwarts … now,” she said miserably. “I don’t want this, but I’ve been sticking up for you and protecting you – even though you hardly needed it – only for us to choose different paths in the end anyway. Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be …”

“No …” said Severus softly, in a whisper so light he could barely be heard over the din of the waking owls. “No, it isn’t …”

(F/N) took another step back. She was near the door now, and the new wind rushing against the tower was whipping her back and shoulders, her hair framing her head like a halo. She was beautiful, and it pained Severus more. “I don’t want you to think that I resent you for this, Sev, because I don’t, and I understand, but …” More fat, salty tears spewed down (F/N)’s cheeks. “… I have to go, now. I … wish you luck, I guess …”

“No, please wait. Let me explain …”

“What is there to explain?” (F/N) asked, in a very reasonable tone. Severus realised she was, again, correct to ask that question. “You’ve made your point and your loyalties abundantly clear,”

“(F/N), please … I am sorry, truly I am …”

“I know, Sev. I’m sorry too, that it’s come to this. Like I said, I didn’t want it to. I’ve tried everything, but … you’re set on your goal, as anyone has a right to be. But I’m set on mine, and unless you’re willing to do something dangerous and illegal – and _horrible_ – to me to make me follow, then … I’m afraid I’m also staying my course,”

Severus felt all of the fight drain out of him. It was as if some bright, cleansing light was receding from him, and rapidly at that. He didn’t know what to do. He was out of ammunition, and she was leaving …

This wasn’t how he intended it to be at all … He followed her out of the Owlery and tried to catch her before she reached the bottom of the steps, but she was already there. He called out to her, hoping she would stop at the sound of his voice. She did, and she glanced over her shoulder, revealing (although she clearly didn’t want to) that she was crying much harder.

He felt terrible and, in the face of what was happening, words failed him once again. There were a lot of things he wanted to say to her, and all of them revolved around getting her to stay, but the worst thing of all was knowing that nothing could be said … because he understood. At the same time, though, he wished that she could just _see_ that he never meant to hurt her …

(F/N) turned on her heel and walked away without another word. Severus helplessly watched her go. The wind had died, leaving the place eerily quiet, but grey clouds had rolled in and a few drops of rain began to spatter the ground. Severus knew that (F/N)’s feelings often affected the weather; he didn’t understand _why,_ exactly, but they did.

(F/N) was already inside the Entrance Hall by the time she felt able to think about what just happened. It had all been so fast … One minute she had been very happily waiting for Severus to arrive, so that they could spend some time together … the next, she was leaving in a hurry, crying her eyes out, and no longer in a relationship.

That _had_ been the final, silent word, had it not? She asked herself this over and over as she climbed the stairs to Gryffindor Tower. She hadn’t _said_ she was breaking up with him … but she may as well have done, hadn’t she? It was the truth that she couldn’t trust him anymore, now that she’d heard him speaking with his friends about the Unforgivable Curse … but _had_ he meant it? Had he really been trying to throw them off the scent?

It didn’t matter, she told herself. She had said it to Severus, too; either he had planned to go along with Mulciber’s suggestion and curse her (heavens knew he had the skill to do it if she was caught unawares), or they would have broken up anyway … He was so set on becoming a Death Eater, and she an Auror, that neither of them would have been persuaded otherwise. How could they have worked through _that?_

She absentmindedly gave the Fat Lady the password and climbed through the portrait. She would have liked to try to work something out with Severus, because she loved him, but times were becoming more dangerous by the day. Voldemort was getting stronger, and his followers were greater in number than ever before. How long would they have been able to keep their relationship going, while both would have such firm duties to attend to?

(F/N) muttered a quick spell to herself as she noticed a few Gryffindors sitting around, Lily being one of them. She would tell her later, of course, but now was not the time. (F/N)’s tears dried instantly, and her face regained some of its usual colour. Her eyes were bright and fresh once more, and she walked bravely into the common room.

“(F/N)!” said Lily breezily. “You’re back early!”

“Oh, yeah,” (F/N) replied, not really knowing how she managed. Somehow the common room was far too bright for her eyes, and she craved the darkness of her bed with the curtains closed. “Yeah, there wasn’t much to do …”

“Oh, well that’s all right then!” said Lily. “Hey, if you’re heading upstairs then I’ll come with you; I’ve got some stuff to sort out,”

(F/N) wasn’t fooled. Lily was sitting with Potter very nearby, and Lupin, Black and Pettigrew were all looking at them. It didn’t take a genius to work out that Lily’s sunny mood had something to do with the perpetually windswept Quidditch star. (F/N) accepted Lily’s offer of company, though, and allowed her to bound up the stairs ahead of her. Inside the dormitory, (F/N) was glad to see that the other girls were absent; she didn’t want to have to explain to _all_ of them what had happened, at least not at this raw and early stage …

“So,” said Lily, plopping herself down onto (F/N)’s bed. (F/N) stifled a groan; for the first time ever, she wished she could just be alone. She wasn’t even sure if she was ready to tell Lily yet … maybe give it a couple of hours first …

(F/N) looked at her with an expression that completely hid her pain and inner turmoil. “Sooooo?” she said, drawing the word out in an attempt to be quirky.

Lily grinned. “So, um … I _may_ have a boyfriend now,” she said, suddenly very quiet and shy. “I just … you know. Thought you’d like to know,” she added, making it sound like it was no big deal. (F/N) smiled broadly.

“Oh, Lil!” she said, feeling genuinely happy for her even though she’d already worked it out for herself. “That’s wonderful news!”

Lily giggled. “It only took him six and a half years to work out how to do it properly,”

To this, (F/N) rolled her eyes. “Even if he did it properly a few years ago you still wouldn’t have said yes,” she pointed out. “You hated him until September, remember?”

“Oh, I know, but he’s much better now,” Lily said coyly. The blush that spread across her cheeks was adorable. “I think we can really make a go of this,”

(F/N) grinned. “Well, well. Hogwarts’ Head Boy and Girl are boyfriend and girlfriend,” she remarked, busying herself with unloading her schoolbag and refilling it with what she would need the next day. “Call me silly, but I’d say that’s quite romantic,”

Lily swatted her playfully. “You _are_ silly,” she teased. “Anyway, James has asked me if I’d like to go to Hogsmeade with him soon. It’s a shame we can’t double-date …”

“I wouldn’t want to crash your date anyway,” said (F/N) softly. “It’s your time to spend with together,”

“Are you going to be there with Severus at all?”

(F/N) felt the question piercing the spell she’d placed on herself like a bolt shattering fragile armour. It struck her sharply and nearly knocked the wind out of her, but she retained her composure better than she expected herself to.

“No …” she said quietly. “Probably not,”

Lily’s happy expression failed her, and her brow furrowed deeply with concern. “(F/N) … Is everything okay? You seem very … subdued. Did something happen?”

(F/N) sat down next to her on the bed and stared at the floor for a moment. Then, as if a dam had burst, she cracked and tears came spilling forth along with the whole story of what she’d overheard that evening. Lily’s mouth hung open and her green eyes were wide with shock, but it didn’t take her long for her to overcome that; she pulled (F/N) into a warm, tight hug and cradled her as if she was her much-younger sister.

“And … I don’t know what to do now …” (F/N) sobbed into Lily’s shoulder. “I’m pretty sure it’s over … I ended it …”

Lily shushed her softly, rocking her back and forth as she wept quietly into her robes. She didn’t care that she was actually getting rather wet. “(F/N) …” she said kindly. “I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, given how I fell out with Severus years ago, but … I think you did the right thing,”

“You do?” (F/N) sniffled.

“Absolutely,” said Lily, pulling back to look (F/N) in the eyes. They were bright and bloodshot, and the poor creature was the epitome of misery. Her (H/C) hair stuck to her wet cheeks and the tip of her nose was shiny and pink. “I’m just trying not to get angry, for your sake …”

“Why are you angry?” (F/N) asked timidly. In her current state of mind, she felt as though she must have done something wrong here, too.

“Because how _dare_ he say something so awful? Put you under the Imperius Curse, indeed!” Lily’s face was suddenly full of ire, and (F/N) was suddenly glad they were in Gryffindor and Severus was in Slytherin, or Lily would have marched over right there and then and given him a firm piece of her mind. “And after all you’ve done for him, all you’ve put up with …!”

“I haven’t really done anything for him …” (F/N) protested weakly. “He’s accomplished a lot on his own …”

“But he had a very beautiful _,_ intelligent and _loyal_ girlfriend up until today!” Lily pointed out animatedly. “You stood by him even when other people – even when _I_ – criticised him for his views, for his and his friends’ actions, even when you disagreed with them, too … You knew he was going to be a Death Eater, but you still supported him in your own way, hoping he’d see sense ... You refused to abandon him, and now you’ve _had_ to leave for your own safety!”

(F/N) stared at her for a few moments, before fresh tears welled up in her eyes and gushed down her cheeks once more. Lily pulled her back to her with a sympathetic tut, cradling her like a child once again.

“It’s the hardest thing in the world, being betrayed by someone you trust,” said Lily wisely. “I don’t blame you for not trusting him; he may have offended me by calling me a Mudblood, but he’s offended me _more_ by implying he’d use an Unforgivable Curse on you. I mean, how _could_ he? He may not have meant it, but that’s not the point. If this was another slip of the tongue, it’s the second time he’s done it. First to me, then to you, and this time it’s worse,”

“How is it worse this time?” said (F/N) with slight indignation. “Calling you that name was disgusting!”

“(F/N), the Unforgivable Curses are brutal on their own,” said Lily, as calmly as she could. “To suggest that he would use one, just to avoid losing you, is barbaric at best. Not to mention the hideous reputation it would earn you, because no one else would know you were under the influence! That, and You-Know-Who’s ideals couldn’t be further from yours, so it’s not fair on you, having no choice in the matter … Add to that the fact that he was your _boyfriend_ , and you should be allowed to be defenceless around him! Not worry about whether he’ll curse you when your back is turned …”

Lily went on for several minutes, picking out the tiny pieces that made up the large puzzle of why, in her mind, Severus had actually wronged (F/N) more than he had wronged her. In the end, (F/N) just nodded. She was lost for words and found it easier to simply agree with her best friend in the end.

After a while, and after (F/N) had stopped crying, Lily let go and said, “I’m so sorry, (F/N) …”

“Why are you apologising?” said (F/N) softly.

“I feel awful for you,” she replied, with tears in her own eyes. “I know how you felt about him, and how happy you were … I’m just so _angry_ with him!”

“Please, Lil, don’t be … I’ll be fine soon enough,”

“It just … surprises me, that he would be like that when he seemed so fond of you. I never thought I’d see him in love, but he really seemed to be with you,” she said. Then she sighed, realising there was no good in discussing that further. “I’m sorry, too, for going on about James when you were suffering …”

It was (F/N)’s turn to be cross, but not with Lily. More specifically, it was with the part of her brain that thought it necessary for her to apologise for such a thing. “Don’t you ever be sorry for that,” she said firmly. “I’m very, very happy for you, Lily Evans. You deserve happiness, and I hope he gives you plenty. Do _not_ let my day spoil yours,”

Lily offered her a weak smile. “Still,” she murmured. “I wish we could both have had good days,”

“We’ve had lots of those, Lil. There will be plenty more,” said (F/N) with a much brighter smile. Lily found it infectious, and she was grinning back.

“Well,” she said at last. “Not to detract from how you must be feeling, but does this mean I get to matchmake _you_ now?” (F/N) looked at her, and saw the cheekiest grin she’d ever seen her wear.

“We’ll have to see about that,” she said, in an almost motherly tone. “I suppose you can keep an eye out for me, but please don’t _actively_ matchmake. At least not for a while … I don’t think I’ll be ready for that for quite some time …”

“Good enough!” Lily cheered, her face alight with glee.

(F/N) couldn’t help smiling. She would never be truly sad as long as she had Lily to keep her company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo ... I’m really sorry about how this chapter turned out. Trust me, for plot purposes it had to be this way but I’ll make it up to you all one day (as soon as I can), I promise! It physically pained me to write this, if it’s any consolation ...
> 
> 😭😭😭
> 
> *Update (1st December 2020): After a few comments from folks saying they really didn’t like the turn the story takes from here, I just wanted to forewarn future readers that, without giving away too many spoilers, we do now begin to depart from the ‘Severus x Reader’ pairing for the time being. I must stress that last part though, if that pairing is what you’re here for. This is a very long story, Part 2 is potentially going to be even longer, but EVENTUALLY we will come back to the good stuff. I promise!


	39. Chapter 39

The next few weeks were, in (F/N)’s opinion, some of the worst of her life. She appreciated her friends’ efforts to make her smile and to take her mind off her breakup, but the omnipresent sting in her heart turned into a horrific burning sensation whenever Gryffindor shared a class with Slytherin.

In some of their lessons (F/N) had been sitting next to Severus and, not wanting to draw attention to their breakup in the early days, she continued to take that seat. It had been awful, not knowing what to say to him anymore, and even worse when people started to find out that they were no longer together. After Easter, (F/N) and Lily had started sitting next to each other in _every_ lesson, and it didn’t take long for people to work out why.

(F/N) and Severus would still speak if they encountered each other during lessons or around the castle, but those times were few and far between. (F/N) felt bad about what happened, but she stood by her reasons for walking away. Severus also felt terrible, but he didn’t know how many more times he could tell her he was sorry. The thing that made him feel even worse, though, was seeing (F/N) starting to spend time with the Marauders because Lily was now dating James Potter. It hurt enough seeing Lily with one of his worst enemies, but it hurt just as much to even _think_ about what might happen to (F/N) now that she wasn’t with him …

No one could fail to notice the change in behaviour of a few select individuals. Gilderoy Lockhart had returned to pestering (F/N) in earnest, something he hadn’t done publicly since it became obvious that she was with Severus. He really didn’t seem to care that she couldn’t have been less interested in him. On the other hand, however, the amount of time that (F/N) was now spending in the Marauders’ company due to Lily’s new relationship meant that at least two other pairs of eyes were on her.

When Lily was hanging out with James, their friends often found themselves either in the Gryffindor common room or down by the lake. When the couple went to Hogsmeade together, (F/N) preferred to stay in the castle, working, although to begin with Black, Pettigrew and Lupin all went to Hogsmeade together as well. Sometimes, (F/N) chose to go down to visit Hagrid, who had become a very good friend of hers since the summer she spent at Hogwarts; he listened intently to every word she said, and even offered sound pieces of wisdom every now and again, but most of all, he was simply _there._ Eventually, (F/N) found that their visits entailed far less moping and far more laughter; in Lily’s words, (F/N)’s wounds were healing.

The ‘healing’ process also allowed (F/N) to become a little more observant of what was going on around her – she had obtained a new friend, for one thing. As the days grew warmer and longer, more students were spending time outside, but very few of these people were seventh-years. With N.E.W.Ts approaching, the oldest students were seizing every opportunity they could find to study or complete homework, and (F/N) was no exception. However, wherever (F/N) could be found poring over books and charts, Remus Lupin could be found right next to her.

(F/N) had always known him to be the hardworking, studious type, but she had never realised just how much. He had proven himself a useful study partner, and in quite a short time they had become rather good friends. In fact, by early May, (F/N) had become rather fond of him and would hear none of Lily’s insistent teasing that he was actually hanging out with her because he’d had a crush on her since first year.

“He has not,” (F/N) grumbled one evening, in the absence of James and company. Lily had just reminded her, once again, of her thoughts on Remus. “We’re just friends,”

“Yes, you are,” Lily giggled. “But I’ll bet you my last Galleon that he’s working up the courage to ask you out,”

(F/N) rolled her eyes and raised her book so that it covered most of her face. She tried to ignore Lily but couldn’t resist the urge to retaliate. “If that were the case, he’d have done it already. I mean, he’s got Sirius for inspiration, hasn’t he?”

Lily laughed. The common room was nearly empty, for it was quite late at night. James and the others were out … marauding, as usual, and hadn’t returned yet. “Well, Sirius hasn’t succeeded yet, has he? Why on earth would Remus take _his_ advice?”

“He wouldn’t, but isn’t Sirius supposed to be something like the authority on getting girls to fall helplessly into your arms?”

Lily laughed again, tucking her legs underneath her as she repositioned herself in the armchair. “Apparently, anyway,” she said. “ _But_ …”

(F/N) looked up sharply, her quick eyes meeting Lily’s in an instant. Lily would have flinched if she hadn’t been so sure that she was on to something good.

“Sirius is another story entirely,” said Lily sweetly. (F/N) was suddenly of the impression that Lily was about to try and persuade her of something. “You know, James tells me that Sirius is … well, serious. He really likes you. Plus, the more time I spend in their company, the more convinced I become. Since finding out that you and Severus aren’t together anymore, he’s actually been quite … sensitive,”

“You wouldn’t think so to see how much he _still_ flirts with me,” said (F/N) flatly.

“Because he _likes_ you, (F/N)!” Lily insisted. “Look, the last time I spoke to him, something had changed. I think he’s realised just how much you and I are alike … and James managed to impress me in the end, didn’t he?”

(F/N) snorted. “You think he’s going to rein it in and actually try to talk to me _normally_?”

“Possibly,” said Lily slyly. “I’ve been wondering, though … What do you think of them, _really_?”

“Who?”

“Remus and Sirius,”

“Remus is my friend, and Sirius is … a pain in the arse,”

Lily chuckled and rolled her eyes. “(F/N) …” she whined playfully. There was a long silence between them, where the only sounds in the room were the crackling of the fire and the turning of the pages of (F/N)’s book.

At long last, (F/N) sighed and closed her book before turning to look straight at Lily. “You want to know what I think of them as _boys_ , don’t you?”

“Of _course!”_

(F/N) sighed again. “All right, well … I suppose Remus is cute. I mean, he’s sweet, and a lot kinder than I gave him credit for. He’s clever. I just feel so bad for him with his condition,”

Lily’s expression softened. “Oh, I know … It’s awful, isn’t it? But he handles it so well … I don’t think many people could cope like he has for years!”

“I _still_ don’t think he wants to go out with me, though. He might be shy, but he knows me well enough now to work out how best to ask me if I want to go on a date, or something …”

It was Lily’s turn to sigh, but as (F/N) studied her face she realised that she was only pretending to be exasperated. “Whatever you say, sweetie,” she said with a grin. “ _Anyway!_ What about Sirius?”

“What about me?” Sirius drawled, as he came through the portrait hole, followed at a short distance by James, Remus and Peter. “Not gossiping, are you?” Lily whirled around in her seat, surprised to see them standing there, but (F/N) merely regarded them as if they’d been there all along.

“About you? Don’t be silly,” she said dryly. Sirius smirked at her.

“Do forgive me. I assumed that, since my name was mentioned, I may have featured somewhere in your conversation. How foolish of me,” he purred, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. (F/N) took note of the ridiculously superior accent he adopted as he spoke, and rolled her eyes as his devilish grey ones roved over her in her entirety.

“Well, I’ll take this as my cue to go to bed,” said (F/N) resolutely, rising from her chair and picking up her book. “Goodnight, all,” She wasn’t in the mood to argue with Sirius that night, or with anyone, really, so she simply thought it best to remove herself.

“Aw, you’re not leaving already, are you?” said James playfully. “It’s always nicer when you hang out with us, too,”

(F/N) stopped with one foot on the first step to the girls’ dormitories. She turned to look at James, her eyes glittering with curiosity and slight suspicion. She had become quite friendly with him too, since he started seeing Lily, but she still couldn’t help wondering if he really meant that. She asked him as much.

“Of course I mean it,” he said, almost as sweetly as Lily had spoken earlier. His hazel eyes were soft behind his glasses. “You and Lil are always welcome to sit with us,”

Lily smiled up at him from where she sat, but soon decided to stand up as well. “It’s okay,” she said gently. “We’ll join you tomorrow though, all right?”

Sirius huffed, but one look at his face told (F/N) and Lily that he, too, was joking. “You girls are no fun at all,” he teased. The flirtatious note in his voice made (F/N) think that ‘fun’ had more than one meaning.

Lily gave James a quick kiss on the cheek before walking to (F/N). (F/N) glanced between the boys one more time and noticed how softly Remus was watching them and how Sirius’ expression had actually become … wistful? Could Lily be right? She still wasn’t convinced about Remus _liking_ her, even if it had been said in the past, and she still wasn’t sure that Sirius’ interest extended beyond its usual boundaries where girls were concerned, but something very strange stirred inside her.

It wasn’t until she was sitting on the edge of her bed, wearing her pyjamas and brushing out her hair that Lily spoke again. It was with a definite note of amusement that she said, “I saw that, back there,”

“Saw what?”

“The way you and Sirius _instantly_ bounced off each other,” Lily elaborated shrewdly. She climbed into bed, but her eyes were fixed on (F/N) as though searching for more clues on her true thoughts of Sirius. “You like him,”

“No, I really don’t,” said (F/N) stubbornly. She shook her head in utter refusal. “He’s an arrogant, womanising …”

“He isn’t _that_ bad, (F/N),” Lily scolded, but she was still smiling. “He’s actually only had a couple of ‘girlfriends’ … The others were just tag-alongs, or completely fictitious,”

“Sirius Black, making up stories about his conquests? Well, I never …” (F/N) quipped. Apparently that was the wrong thing to do.

“See? You’re palming me off with sarcasm! You never seem to be able to talk about the good in him, like how funny he is …”

“ _You_ didn’t think so until September!” (F/N) argued. She was already being drawn into a quarrel she didn’t want, but now it was with Lily.

“No, but every time his name is mentioned you always seem to defend your reasons for _not_ liking him! Even when you aren’t asked,” Lily pointed out, trying to keep her voice low enough that she wouldn’t disturb Cathy, Julie and Evelyn. She was grinning broadly, though, and (F/N) thought she looked like the cat that ate the canary. “You’re far too defensive, (F/N) …”

“That doesn’t mean I ‘like’ him, Lil …”

“Hmm … I think you protest too much,” she sniggered. “I think putting you two together would be like fighting fire with fire, but that could also be quite a good thing …”

How could that be a good thing? (F/N) was very confused about Lily’s logic, but she didn’t want to ask any more questions. She pulled the duvet up over her legs and gave Lily a look of mock reproof before beginning to draw the curtains around her bed. “G’night, Lil. We can talk about this another time, if you like,”

Lily laughed quietly. “You’re not hiding from me, are you?” she joked. Then, when at last (F/N) giggled back, Lily gave up the chase and closed her own curtains. “Goodnight, (F/N). You haven’t heard the last of this,”

(F/N) was quite sure she hadn’t. As she lay there, staring at the ceiling, she thought about all that Lily had said. By the time her eyelids were heavy enough to allow her to fall asleep, (F/N) felt sure that she could say, with a degree of certainty, that she did not ‘like’ Sirius Black.

***

As the weeks ticked by, the pressure on the seventh-years increased weekly. The amount of homework and revision they had to do was immense, but that did not, however, prevent Sirius from asking (F/N) out on an almost daily basis.

He attempted it many times, in myriad different ways: passing notes to her in the library or in class; loudly and ostentatiously proclaiming his undying love for her in the courtyard; sidling up and sitting next to her during Quidditch matches or James’ practice sessions; ‘secretly’ buying her drinks at The Three Broomsticks and pretending it wasn’t him … By mid-May, there wasn’t very much he hadn’t tried.

Meanwhile, certain people had comments to make about his constant bids to woo her. Lily _always_ had something to say about it, but she seemed to think it was funny and cute all at once. She even went as far as saying that she ‘knew’ he meant all of his funny little proposals, because James said so. James himself had told (F/N) that he didn’t know what Sirius was thinking, because he’d watched him ask Lily out so many times over the years that he felt sure he might have picked up some hints by now …

Remus was different altogether. He was quiet and hardly commented at all. He seemed content with simply studying alongside (F/N), and whenever Sirius would interrupt their session with another “(F/N), will you go out with me?” line, Remus would only look at him with an expression that seemed to say, “Do you mind very much?” Peter was another kettle of fish again, though … and (F/N) felt oddly uncomfortable around him. He would hang on James and Sirius’ every word, including those that concerned (F/N), and occasionally Peter could be found loitering wherever (F/N) happened to be working or reading. He would never say anything but as soon as she looked away she knew he would be watching her again.

“Oh, Wormtail’s harmless,” Lily would say. (F/N), who took note of her use of his nickname, wasn’t so sure of that. He had been a hatstall too, in the beginning, and she was quite certain she knew which other house the Sorting Hat was thinking of placing him in. She wouldn’t tell anybody about that, though … Not for now, anyway.

Towards the end of May, everyone got their exam timetables. To their surprise, their exams were all scheduled for the middle of June rather than the very first week.

“I wonder why that is …” said Haydn, who was sitting next to (F/N) at breakfast. She was glad to be able to speak to him; with homework and studying, she’d barely seen him at all in the last few weeks.

“Who knows?” (F/N) replied, shrugging her shoulders. It didn’t really bother her that their exams were going to be later in the month, but she couldn’t deny that she was a bit curious herself. There was probably no reason at all, she told herself, but she hoped they would still be permitted to loiter about the school during the final week or so.

She was just finishing her toast and was about to pick up her bag ready to go to her next lesson, when suddenly a small, blue paper plane flew across the table and nearly landed on her plate. “What’s this?” she asked, picking it up and examining it as though it could be contraband. She unfolded it and read the neatly written note: _‘I am not as I appear.’_

(F/N) knew what that meant. She took her wand from her pocket and pointed it at the paper. “Revelio,” she said and, right there in her hand, the unfolded paper plane un-transfigured itself into a single white rose. It was so beautiful, and so sweet a gesture, that it momentarily took (F/N)’s breath away.

“Oh, wow!” said Haydn beside her. “Who sent you that?”

“There’s no name, but …” (F/N) looked up and glanced around for who she _thought_ may have sent it. He wasn’t there. None of his friends were, either. Even Lily was absent …

“But?”

“I … thought I knew who had, but now I’m not sure,” said (F/N) honestly. She had a pretty strong hunch, though …

She told Haydn she would see him shortly and left the Great Hall, walking to Care of Magical Creatures alone and gently thumbing the petals of that rose as she went. Professor Kettleburn had told the class to dress in their casual clothes that day (clearing it with their other teachers), and asked (F/N) to go along earlier than the rest of the class so that she could help him prepare. Apparently, out of all the creatures she’d befriended since learning she was a witch, this lesson would concern a ‘specialism’ of hers. She knew that could only mean one thing.

Upon her arrival, Kettleburn walked her a short distance into the forest, to a spot that was relatively close to where Aeolus still liked to nest. There were signs everywhere, though, that more than one hippogriff had been in the area, and before the lesson began, Kettleburn wanted (F/N) to help him wrangle the herd that called the Forbidden Forest its home.

“Isn’t that a bit above my station, sir?” asked (F/N) nervously.

“Nonsense!” said Kettleburn heartily, chuckling at her worried expression. “I’ve never seen anyone handle magical creatures as naturally as you do – I’m sure you’ll be fine!”

And so she was. Once they’d located the herd, Kettleburn conjured collars for each of the beasts and, once he and (F/N) had approached them in the traditional way, they slipped the collars onto them. Each collar was linked by a long, thick chain to keep the creatures together, but (F/N) was pleased to find that it was not a particularly heavy chain despite its size.

“Thank you for your help, Miss Castor,” said Kettleburn jovially. His grey moustache twitched with excitement at the thought of his seventh-years finally getting to learn about the sort of ‘dangerous’ creatures he so liked to study himself. “I shall lead these hippogriffs to the paddock near the lake. Perhaps you would like to find _your_ hippogriff, and bring him along to show the others? I can imagine that you must be the expert by now!”

(F/N) blushed. “Oh, I wouldn’t go _that_ far …” she said modestly.

“I would!” replied Kettleburn, picking up the hippogriffs’ lead. “You’re on track for an ‘O’ in your Care of Magical Creatures N.E.W.T, (F/N). Every test, every piece of homework you’ve ever handed in … You’ve always achieved top marks, and more!”

(F/N) smiled at him. She had always been fond of Kettleburn, mad though he seemed. “Thank you, Professor,” she said earnestly. “I will try not to disappoint,”

“There is no such thing with you. You are one of my best students, if not _the_ best!” With that, he lead the hippogriffs away. (F/N) moved off into the trees to locate Aeolus – she only hoped he wasn’t flying around somewhere, or hunting away from his glade …

The forest was much cooler than the outside world, even at this time in the morning. (F/N) knew they were in for a hot summer. The colour of the forest was fresh and comforting to the eye, with the morning sunlight filtering through the leaves above. She was glad that the strange ‘inspectors’ were no longer lurking about the grounds, too, and that they hadn’t found what they were looking for. It was not until she stood in Aeolus’ clearing that she was able to look up and see the light blue sky. There was not a cloud in sight but, out of the corner of her eye, she spotted her four-legged friend eyeing her excitedly.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” (F/N) teased, feeling sure that he could understand her. She wondered if he had been waiting to approach her _after_ she stopped daydreaming … He was a very thoughtful hippogriff. Aeolus trotted merrily over and she stopped for a moment to stroke his soft black fur and feathers. His coat rippled gently under her touch, a sign that he liked the sensation.

After a while, (F/N) stopped petting him and made to climb onto his back. She had ridden him many times now, and was completely used to it. She knew that he had already encountered the herd before today, because despite her visits he had been able to look after himself for years and so she was not afraid of what the lesson would bring. Only …

Aeolus wouldn’t have seen Severus since before he and (F/N) broke up. She wondered how Aeolus would react to his presence again …

The hippogriff began flapping his wings, and wheel about the clearing looking for a better angle from which to take off. (F/N) was rattled from her thoughts and held on tight with her legs (she didn’t like to hold Aeolus’ neck too tightly, in case she pulled out any feathers). Finally, after making up his mind on how to get into the air, Aeolus got a quick run-up, flapped his enormous black wings, and soared into the sky beyond the canopy.

The hippogriff made for the lake, flying so close to its surface that he could dip his feet in its cool waters. The day was bright, but the water below was as dark as ever. (F/N) wondered what lurked at the bottom as she peered over Aeolus’ side, meeting the gaze of her own reflection. (F/N) breathed deeply and, for the first time in what felt like a long time, she allowed this feeling of intense liberation to wash over her body and through her soul. She smiled to herself and allowed Aeolus to take her wherever he wanted to fly.

Glancing off to her right, she saw her classmates assembling at the hippogriff paddock. A few people were pointing, but at this distance she couldn’t make out who …

Meanwhile, on firm, dry land, Kettleburn’s class of mixed-house seventh-years were unsure where to look. Did they gaze in wonder upon the herd of hippogriffs brought before them, their sharp beaks and gleaming coats shining in the bright daylight, or did they stare, awe-struck, at the enormous black hippogriff flying freely across the lake?

The black hippogriff which was, if their eyes were not mistaken, carrying a human rider.

Professor Kettleburn knew there would be no point in beginning the lesson while his students were so distracted. Of course, he also knew that one of them was missing, and _she_ was currently flying around the lake on one of the subjects of his lesson.

Lily was the first to speak out. The truth had just dawned on her. “Merlin …” she gasped, pointing once again at the great black shape soaring beyond. “That’s _(F/N)_!”

The rest of the class craned their necks to look. How could she tell? Severus, too, tried to see what everyone was looking at and it all became very clear, very quickly. He was familiar with Aeolus’ shape and size; comparing his memory of the creature to those standing in the paddock before him, Severus remembered that (F/N)’s hippogriff was considerably larger than the rest. He had never seen (F/N) riding him, though … He’d have liked to, seeing as she was brilliant with magical creatures.

He shook the thought from his mind as Kettleburn raised his wand to his neck and projected his voice across the lake. “Come on now, (F/N)!” said Kettleburn with a smile that stretched from ear to ear. “Time to land!”

Severus didn’t like to dwell on what happened between him and (F/N). Of _course_ he didn’t, especially now that everyone knew about it. His friends had been quite pleased, which angered him further still because he already felt somewhat betrayed – _and_ it was partly their fault anyway. How could it have gone so wrong so quickly, he once asked himself. How could he have let it happen? (F/N) had been one of the few friends he had left, and she was the only one he could really _talk_ to. He may have had Edith Bradshaw and Haydn Blythe as ‘friends’ too, but they avoided him as soon as they found out he’d hurt (F/N), even if they didn’t know all the details …

Worst of all, Severus had loved (F/N). He wasn’t convinced that he didn’t love her _still_. He knew he’d hurt her badly … but surely she’d have known that he wouldn’t do such a terrible thing as use an Unforgivable Curse on her? She was correct that it would have been difficult for them to stay together after they left Hogwarts, but there _had_ to have been a way. And yet, just like Lily, (F/N) had been too upset to see past his initial mistake. He regretted hurting them terribly, and understood their feelings, but he hadn’t _meant_ any of it, for Merlin’s sake …

But they both left him. Lily, who had been his friend for several years before, had left him. (F/N), who had become his friend and stood beside him despite all the dark rumours and gossip, who had loved him in spite of his friends and his ambitions, had left him.

He felt empty, and quite angry, too. Why were his apologies not good enough?

All of these poisonous thoughts bubbled in his mind, stewing like some toxic brew that burned him from the inside. He snapped out of his gloomy, painful reverie at the last moment, looking up at the sound of a thunderous rush of air and a lot of excited chatter as (F/N) and her hippogriff landed on the grass nearby. Severus merely watched from the side-lines with his fellow Slytherins (excepting a few) as most of the other students rallied around in an arc, trying to get a better view of the enormous, ink-black hippogriff.

His coat shone in the sunshine and his feathers were ruffled by the slight breeze that rushed in off the lake. His great orange eyes surveyed everyone standing around and his sharp grey beak glinted like those of the other hippogriffs. The black hippogriff gave them the distinct impression that he would have been the alpha male, had he been a part of the herd.

The other students’ attention was not solely on Aeolus, though. His rider garnered just as much curiosity, if not slightly more. They all knew that (F/N) had raised a hippogriff from a foal but very few had actually seen this creature. Now that they were looking at him in all his glory, some were unable to withhold their admiration.

“She’s _riding_ it …” someone whispered.

“How is that even possible?” gasped another.

(F/N) felt the heat rising in her cheeks. She wasn’t sure how to handle the attention, but prideful Aeolus seemed to be enjoying it rather a lot. He threw out his feathered chest and held his head at an almost pompous angle as (F/N)’s classmates appreciated him. (F/N) noticed how much he liked being the focal point and, deciding his ego had been stroked enough, grinned and told him what a show-off he was.

“Then you’re well-matched!” teased Lily, coming a little nearer than the others dared. “Look at you, turning up to class on a hippogriff!”

“Since when have you known me to want to make an entrance?” (F/N) teased back, wearing a mile-wide grin. She swung her leg expertly over Aeolus’ neck and slid off his back, facing forwards. She stuck her hands straight in the pockets of her jeans. It was glaringly obvious why Kettleburn had told them not to wear their uniforms today: there was a very real risk that they could be damaged or dirtied in this lesson.

Everyone was still staring at her, but none more so than the boys. Sirius, in particular, could not take his eyes off her. He had, of course, seen Aeolus before but now … There was something positively resplendent about him and the girl who raised him … He couldn’t deny it – he was enchanted. James noticed him gawking and elbowed him in the side.

 _“Ow!”_ he hissed, rubbing his arm roughly. “What was that for?”

James simply grinned at him. Neither boy noticed, though, that the girl this had all been about was watching them the entire time. Her curiosity had been piqued but this interest made no register on her face, and nobody was any the wiser.

“Right, class!” said Kettleburn loudly, rubbing his hand and artificial one together in eagerness. Everyone turned and saw that he was wearing the same slightly crazed look he’d always get whenever he was particularly excited about a lesson. Usually this sort of maniacal passion was what would lose him yet another limb, one grim and unfortunate way or another.

“Today, as you can see, we will be studying hippogriffs!” he announced. “The first thing you should know – and I am aware some of you _do_ already know – is that hippogriffs are immensely proud creatures, to be treated with the utmost respect at all times! If they are not, then it may not only be me with horrific injuries,”

The attention of every student was on Kettleburn and did not waver for even a second. They believed him when he implied that their own appendages could be lost if they did not adhere to his instructions.

“One of the best things about studying hippogriffs is that it does not take very long to learn about them. By the end of today’s lesson you should all have a detailed understanding of these creatures, and some of you may go to your next lesson having gained a little more …”

Kettleburn cast a knowing and encouraging look at (F/N). She caught it and knew at once what he was hinting for her to do. Lily also saw the look and turned to her friend in confusion.

“What was that about?” she whispered, as Kettleburn carried on his brief lecture.

“I think he wants me to teach people how to ride them, if they build up a rapport with one … and if they feel brave enough, of course,”

Lily’s eyes twinkled with a mixture of excitement and nervousness. She would have _loved_ to ride a hippogriff, but …

(F/N) caught the signs of anxiety in Lily’s expression and gave her an affectionate nudge. “You’ll be fine. You’ve already interacted with Aeolus,” she said, reaching out to pat the large, black hippogriff standing loyally beside her. “If you want to ride one of them, I’ll help you. If you don’t, I won’t push you. _But,_ if you want to ride one but still aren’t sure about the whole thing, you can ride with me,”

Lily grinned and reached out for (F/N)’s hand, squeezing tightly as soon as she got hold of it. “You’re such a good friend, (F/N). I’m so glad I have you,”

Something swelled in (F/N)’s chest, making her feel as if someone had just inflated a balloon inside her. She smiled back at Lily, squeezing her hand in return, before turning back to Kettleburn’s lecture, which was nearly over.

“So remember, class! Divide yourselves into groups – groups of four should be fine – and come to me, and I will assign you a hippogriff,” said Kettleburn, looking around at each of them. He seemed to know how the class would divide themselves before they’d even done it. “Now, let’s go over the proper procedure! Who can tell me what the first step is?”

A few people raised their hands. (F/N) didn’t bother – she knew Kettleburn wouldn’t pick her, because she’d _raised_ a hippogriff and had plenty of experience with them. Naturally, Aeolus had never made her bow to him (because he thought she was his mother) but she had instructed Lily and Severus to do so during their first encounters with him.

Kettleburn picked Cyril Partridge to answer his first question. “One person approaches the hippogriff on their own but stops about fifteen feet away. Then they bow as low as they can, maintaining eye contact, and wait for the hippogriff to respond,”

“Excellent, my boy, excellent!” cried Kettleburn, obviously reaching a point of overexcitement. If (F/N) didn’t know better, she would have said their teacher was eager for them to begin the practical portion of the lesson. “Five points to Hufflepuff! So, who can tell me what happens once the hippogriff reacts?”

Edith’s hand shot into the air first. She was the only Slytherin girl who kept Care of Magical Creatures as a subject after their O.W.Ls, because Linda Sheehan thought it a very ‘messy’ subject and Cecily Moseley said it was a waste of time. The _other_ girls had dropped it either because they hadn’t done well enough in their O.W.Ls or because there was another subject they wanted to take in its place. Whatever the case, poor Edith was the only Slytherin girl in what seemed, comparatively, to be a sea of Slytherin boys.

“If the hippogriff bows back, you approach slowly with a hand outstretched to greet it. It is advisable to stop again about six to seven feet from the hippogriff and allow it the courtesy of coming to you the rest of the way,” said Edith, sounding as though she’d swallowed a leaflet on the creatures. “If the hippogriff _doesn’t_ bow to you, back away slowly. Do not break eye contact in either case,”

Kettleburn smiled wider still. “And five points to Slytherin!” he cried. “Well done, Miss Bradshaw. “I’ll reiterate the rest of the instructions, and then you can all crack on: When the hippogriff reaches you, pet them gently! Remember your manners – oh, and that a compliment or two never goes amiss!”

(F/N) smiled to herself. She knew only too well how smoothly a nice compliment could go down with hippogriffs. She missed the rest of Kettleburn’s passionate spiel as she reminisced about a time when Aeolus was younger and practically smothered her with love when she’d told him ‘what a pretty boy’ he was.

By the time she came around the class was milling about picking their groups. Edith immediately broke away from the Slytherins, found Haydn, then dragged him over to (F/N) and Lily before anyone else could grab (F/N) for their own group.

“ _Everyone_ wants you with them, (F/N)!” said Edith excitedly. “It’s the next best thing to having the teacher on hand all the time,”

“You flatter me,” said (F/N), blushing hotly. She knew there were certain factors that contributed towards her affinity for this subject. There was the fact that she could transform at will into any animal she could think of; and apple wood – the wood of her wand – often met its ideal match in a witch or wizard who could converse with other magical beings, something she had only recently discovered … But these were things that (F/N) would not mention to anyone, because she would hate to sound boastful.

“And you’re too modest,” said Edith playfully. “I suppose Kettleburn will want you to move among the rest of us giving tips and stuff,”

(F/N) hadn’t thought of that. “He might …” she admitted. “But I’ll help you guys first. You can learn with Aeolus. He’s a big softie really, but he’s just the same as the others,” Then, in an undertone, she added, “Although mightier and _much_ more handsome,”

Aeolus proudly fluffed up his feathers and expanded a wing, trying to catch (F/N) with it and pull her to his side in what would have been a very overwhelming hug had (F/N) not sidestepped him. She laughed and patted him instead.

“They have very good hearing too, just so you know,” she said.

(F/N) spent only a few minutes teaching her friends how to approach Aeolus. He was a very willing participant in their lesson, but (F/N) knew perfectly well that he wasn’t pretending to behave as a normal hippogriff would. He wanted the same amount of respect as the others would receive from the rest of (F/N)’s class, and Lily, Haydn and Edith all knew he was deserving of it. Once they were safely able to touch him (Lily had been allowed near anyway, but she observed the traditional greeting regardless), Kettleburn came to fetch (F/N) and asked if she wouldn’t mind helping some of the others, as Edith predicted.

The sun had come out completely, where it had been partially obscured by cloud, and the lesson carried on in high spirits. Those groups whose turn had not yet come to interact with a hippogriff (there weren’t quite enough creatures for all the groups) stood a safe distance away, writing in their notebooks and making sketches. (F/N) moved among them, answering questions and providing an extra hand where one was needed. In Davey Gudgeon’s case, a literal extra hand was almost needed as a beautiful bronze-coated hippogriff snapped at him when his concentration faltered.

“You _must_ maintain eye contact, Dave,” said (F/N) as she passed him, making sure he was all right. Davey gave her a sheepish smile. “You can stare at Yalina in a less perilous lesson,” she added with a cheeky, knowing grin.

“Sorry, I’ll do better this time …” he said, blushing as hotly as (F/N) had earlier. “Sorry, Hippogriff,” He reached out gingerly and the hippogriff nuzzled his hand appreciatively. He smiled broadly. “Thanks, (F/N)!” he called after her as she moved away, a look of immense satisfaction on her face as Yalina Khan noticed how well Davey was suddenly getting along with his hippogriff.

“Go on, Wormtail!” (F/N) heard James say, somewhere off to her right. “Don’t be such a fairy!”

(F/N) wandered a little closer, carefully making her way around Isaac Furnival’s group (consisting of the Law twins – Crispin and Tabitha – and Evelyn) who were feeding dead field mice to a sleek, stormy grey hippogriff, which seemed to be enjoying their company rather a lot as a result. She stopped a short distance from James and his friends, whose hippogriff was the stunning chestnut female that (F/N) had seen Aeolus watching a few times today. Peter was trying to bow to her but kept losing his nerve when he met her eyes and backing away again.

“Everything okay here?” she said, sidling up alongside the group. The hippogriff gave her a look that suggested _she_ was the one who needed help, not them.

The boys nearly jumped out of their skins, not having heard (F/N) approaching. Once the initial shock had subsided, James said, “Wormtail’s too frightened of our hippogriff to even bow to her, let alone get anywhere near her,”

(F/N) nodded slowly and thoughtfully, before stepping into the hippogriff’s standard, fifteen-foot radius. She bowed very low and never took her eyes off her. The hippogriff was very quick to return the gesture and (F/N) wondered if she was relieved to be dealing with someone else, temporarily.

“Okay, now that’s out of the way …” said (F/N), turning back to the boys. “See what I did? You’ve probably got the most patient hippogriff of the herd here, so she’ll help you rather than try to kill you – I know that much. All you need to do to get started, Peter, is bow to her and keep nice and low until she bows back. Want me to help you?”

Peter appeared to tremble before her, quite literally quaking in his shoes. James watched with intrigue, for he had already had his turn with the hippogriff and now he wanted to see how (F/N) handled getting Peter to do it. Sirius and Remus hadn’t had their turns yet, though, but were mesmerised by (F/N)’s poise. Sirius, however, struggled not to look at her backside as she bowed again to the hippogriff, this time taking Peter down with her.

“Now, hold it …” she murmured to Peter, resting a firm, gentle hand on his shoulder to keep him still. “Don’t look at the floor, look at her … and don’t blink too much either, or she won’t trust you …”

Peter quivered like jelly in an earthquake but didn’t try to escape, this time. (F/N) was very pleased to see the hippogriff bowing back a few seconds later.

“Well done, Peter!” said (F/N), in a soft but excited voice. “Now, stand up and hold out a hand for her,”

He looked at her as if she’d gone mad. “B-but …”

“She won’t bite you,” said (F/N) with great conviction. “She’s been waiting for you to summon the courage to finish bowing to her. Now all she wants to do is greet you properly,”

With great difficulty, it seemed, Peter stretched out his arm and, instead of going to the hippogriff, he waited for her to come to him. However, no sooner had the large creature started moving towards him than Peter squeaked again and ran away. The hippogriff looked somewhat hurt by his reaction.

“Oh, look!” said (F/N), unable to keep the exasperation from her voice. “You’ve offended her, now …” She went straight over to the hippogriff and immediately petted her sharp beak. The hippogriff closed her eyes and rested her chin in one of (F/N)’s hands while the other moved up to gently massage the top of her head.

“Wormtail …” growled the others crossly, but they couldn’t stay that way for long. Watching (F/N) handling the hippogriff was … soothing.

“Who’s next?” said (F/N), when she was sure the hippogriff wasn’t smarting from Peter’s rejection. Sirius stepped forward immediately; (F/N) might have been suspicious, had the boys not appeared to be taking turns in left-to-right order. “Do you need me to help?” she asked him.

“I think I’ll be okay …” he said, although now that (F/N) was watching he wasn’t so sure. Still, the hippogriff was looking at him now, and he sank into a deep bow. She bowed back, and (F/N) stepped away to allow them space. A light, optimistic breeze washed over them – (F/N) knew this small gust had been connected to her, and how she felt to be watching Sirius trying his luck with approaching this magnificent animal.

Sirius held out a hand and began walking towards the hippogriff … but he was going too fast. The hippogriff brought her head up sharply and extended her wings in warning. Sirius stopped abruptly, unsure of what to do next. He didn’t want to ask (F/N) for help, but he was a bit stuck …

“Whoa, hang on …” said (F/N) softly, returning to the hippogriff’s side. She patted her gently, which seemed to have an instant calming effect. Then she moved to Sirius’ side, standing shoulder to shoulder with him, and said, “You went too fast. She wasn’t expecting the confidence. Don’t get me wrong, confidence is good, but she’s just had Peter run away from her and you’re … quite different,”

Sirius hadn’t taken his eyes off her, not even when she wasn’t looking at him, and nodded when she finished speaking. He then followed her example, approaching slowly and cautiously, and then allowing the hippogriff to come to him when he was close enough. In no time at all, Sirius was running his hands over the hippogriff’s steely beak and soft coppery feathers, and a smile unlike any other his friends had seen was plastered on his face.

(F/N) watched him with interest. He was obviously quite a softie himself, to be smiling like that at this time. Right now, his defences were down as well, and (F/N) suddenly saw him in a very different light. He was obviously a good person, no matter his flaws (everyone had them) and past mistakes (everyone had made them). If he hadn’t been a good person, this hippogriff would not have trusted him so quickly …

Something stirred again in (F/N)’s chest. She tried to ignore it, but it came back with gusto as he glanced up and locked eyes with her. Those normally devilish grey eyes were soft – something (F/N) had never seen in them before – and there was something else there, too, but she could not fathom what.

Or perhaps she could, but she didn’t want to put a name to what she saw and find out she was wrong …

When she decided the time was right to walk away and leave the Marauders to it, before things could get awkward, she went straight back to Lily, Haydn and Edith. She did not realise that three pairs of eyes were watching her leave, those of Sirius, Remus and, from a safe distance, Severus. He had been watching them for several minutes and knew _exactly_ what Sirius had been thinking as (F/N) helped him get close to his hippogriff. He felt hideously angry – so angry, in fact, that he pressed too hard with his quill and blotted through several pages of his exercise book. He knew that (F/N) was no longer his to defend, but he couldn’t _stand_ the soft look on Black’s face; he felt as though it could be a mask, with something predatory lurking beneath …

He snapped back to reality at the sound of (F/N)’s laughter carried to him on the breeze as it swept over the grounds. She stood several yards away, but he heard her as though she was standing right beside him … Where he wanted her to be. He forced himself to look away from her beautiful face as she laughed with her friends; he didn’t want to think any more on what he’d lost, for it caused more pain than he was willing to acknowledge. Instead, he allowed himself to continue to be angry until he could find a suitable distraction …

(F/N), meanwhile, had no idea that anyone had been watching her. Her thoughts were only half-focused on the lesson though, wandering frequently to other fantastic places and exploring them as deeply as she dared, given she was supposed to be paying attention too. She was absentmindedly petting Aeolus while the others continued to fuss around him, but it was Kettleburn’s voice ringing out across the paddock that startled her out of her daydreams.

“All right, class, you’ve done very well! Now … Who wants to go for a ride?”

A great deal of excited chatter erupted among the students, glancing from their friends to the hippogriffs then back to Kettleburn in rapid succession. He clapped his … hands … to quiet them.

“I can see that sparked a lot of enthusiasm!” he laughed. “Seeing as we have the best hippogriff rider I’ve ever seen standing in our midst, I will ask that anyone who wishes to try it themselves line up beside (F/N) over there!”

A handful of people moved instantly, and (F/N) was pleased to see that her friends were staying put. She couldn’t believe _she_ was being placed in charge of this part of the lesson … It was like her old dream of becoming a teacher had been fulfilled. Some of the other students dithered nervously, though – going up to and petting a hippogriff was one thing, but leaving solid ground was another. Despite so many people initially sounding excited at the prospect, (F/N) suspected that reality was now setting in.

When everything had calmed down, (F/N) glanced around and counted seven people who wanted her to show them how to ride. Among them were James and Sirius; (F/N) had known not to expect Peter, and Remus had apparently decided to stay with him.

Probably so he didn’t feel completely left-out, (F/N) thought. Remus was kind like that, kinder than she had ever realised in years bygone.

“Okey dokey, (F/N)! I leave your colleagues in your capable hands!” Kettleburn called out to her.

Lily giggled suddenly and quietly. “Another teacher whose favourite student is you,” she whispered to (F/N).

“What do you mean?”

“Have you never noticed how he calls you by your first name, and the rest of us by our surnames?”

“So? That doesn’t mean he likes me more than the rest of you …”

Lily laughed again, louder this time. “You’re too _modest!”_ she said. “You’ve got to be the best magizoologist since Newt Scamander, and Kettleburn’s got the pleasure of teaching you. You understand creatures like no one else … and certainly more than this class!”

(F/N) shook her head and turned to Aeolus. “That’s not true … _Anyway_ , everyone gather ‘round!”

That stopped Lily from arguing further, but she thought it for the best, anyhow. (F/N)’s face was flushing pink again. As Kettleburn took the other students to a safe distance to finish the lesson from a non-practical perspective, the seven students standing in a line next to (F/N) fanned out and formed a circle in front of her and Aeolus.

(F/N) rubbed her hands together eagerly, a little like Kettleburn himself. “So what we’re going to do first is observe the best way to mount your ride – oh, shut up, Black,”

Sirius couldn’t help sniggering at her choice of words, but when he bit his lip to stop himself, he looked at (F/N) and saw that she, too, was trying not to smile. He couldn’t help wondering why her sense of humour had changed … or perhaps it was always like this … He couldn’t tell.

“Okay, now that we’re all acting our age again …” said (F/N) smoothly, eyes flickering briefly back to Sirius. “Haydn, could I please have your assistance?”

Haydn baulked. “W-what? Why me?”

“Because you’re the tallest, and the best suited to Aeolus,”

Haydn’s face was ashen; he had not expected to be called upon first. He _wanted_ to ride a hippogriff, but he would have been happier with a demonstration he could _watch_ rather than participate in. Only then would he feel confident enough to actually get on and ride around …

Still, Haydn stepped forward. “Good man,” said (F/N) encouragingly, taking him gently by the hand and smiling. “Right, so approach Aeolus – there you go …” Haydn made sure to let the hippogriff know he was there. “Now place both hands on his back to steady yourself,”

Haydn did as he was told and felt Aeolus’ sleek black coat beneath his fingers. He wondered how he was ever going to be able to hold on when the coat was so slippery. Haydn then turned to (F/N) to receive the next instruction.

“All right … Can everyone see what Haydn’s doing?” she looked around at the rest of her peers. “Good. Now, what you’ll want to do is place your foot – _gently_ – in the crook between his wing and his shoulder, then lift yourself onto his back. Got it?”

Haydn immediately attempted what (F/N) had told him. He hopped on his toes a few times, then managed to place his foot where (F/N) said. He could see why she had asked him to be her assistant now … Nobody else would be able to reach. He wondered, then, how (F/N) managed to climb on. With his foot in the right place, and Aeolus very helpfully standing stock-still, Haydn hoisted himself onto Aeolus’ back and settled himself into the dip in his back just behind his withers.

“Brilliant!” said (F/N) joyfully. “So now all you do is hold on with your knees, and hold onto his neck, too. But don’t yank his feathers … He’s not a fan of that,”

The class wondered how she knew. Lily had a very good idea.

“So, did we all get that? Are there any questions or are we ready to try it ourselves?” said (F/N) confidently. It suddenly struck Lily just how much like a professor she sounded.

“Are we going to be flying?” asked Yalina, putting her hand in the air.

(F/N) smiled. “If you want to then we certainly can,”

Her tone was soft and reasonable, like a mother promising a child a reward for good behaviour although not in the least bit patronising. Sirius – to his slight annoyance – shivered pleasurably as he listened to her voice. Yalina, however, seemed thrilled and looked at Davey with glee bright in her eyes.

Edith then piped up, “Are you going to be up there with us?” She looked excited too.

“Yes, I’ll take you up in two groups so I can supervise,” (F/N) replied, smiling. “That being said, let’s divide the groups now … Lily and Edith, you can come up with Haydn, since you were already in a group with him. The rest of you can come up with me as a four,”

“Bet you would’ve liked a one-to-one, eh Pads?” James whispered, leaning towards Sirius, and barely keeping his voice low enough that (F/N) couldn’t hear. Sirius elbowed him roughly in the ribs, which shut his smart mouth very quickly indeed.

James followed the others as they trailed eagerly after (F/N) like ducklings following their mother, rubbing his side all the while. After all the teasing he’d endured at the hands of his best friend, taunting him over Lily, it was finally his turn to suffer the same punishment … _especially_ after seeing how (F/N) looked at him earlier …

Sirius wasn’t paying attention to James, though. His eyes were fixed solely on (F/N), who was now showing the others how to mount the other hippogriffs. Yalina, who was the smallest of the group, could not reach her hippogriff’s wing with her foot, so (F/N) was giving her a leg-up. Sirius covered the rest of the distance between himself and (F/N) in a few long strides, until he was safely within sidling range and slinked up to her.

She knew he was on the approach, of course, and knew he would attempt something long before he threw a flirtatious arm around her. “So,” he said casually. “Which one are we riding?”

(F/N) snorted incredulously, sliding out from under his arm as though she was made of butter. “You want to know which one _you’ll_ be riding? Well, why not the female that Peter offended?” she said, indicating the beautiful chestnut from before.

She didn’t wait around for Sirius’ response. Instead, she busied herself with supervising James as he climbed up onto a pinkish-roan female. Sirius watched, dumbfounded, as (F/N) had once again managed to completely avoid his ‘advances’. Of course, if he _really_ meant it, he would pull out all the stops … Right now, though, he wanted to play, although he would not have been adverse to taking it to the next stage if (F/N) wanted to …

He frowned to himself. Causing him to second-guess himself was something only (F/N) could do; his friends had recently commented on how much humbler he seemed those days.

Once James was seated comfortably and safely, (F/N) beckoned Sirius over to the chestnut female. Everyone else was mounted and chatting among themselves, and none of them were paying attention to (F/N) or Sirius, not even James.

“Okay … Are you going to be all right getting up on your own or do you need a hand?” (F/N) asked. It only took her a second to realise what she’d said but it was too late – Sirius was smirking as if he’d won some sort of prize.

“Oh, you could _give me a hand_ if you really wanted to, Castor,” he growled, winking at her.

To his surprise, she smirked right back. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Black?” she purred, flashing her striking (E/C) eyes at him. When he failed to respond for being totally shocked by her sudden turnaround, (F/N) grinned and chuckled in a sultry, wicked tone. She tutted playfully. “Come now, _Pads_ … You’re not going to let me win the game so easily, are you?”

She pivoted on the spot and sauntered away, feeling very pleased with herself and leaving Sirius utterly thunderstruck. _How had she known?_ Did this mean she was game? Did she like him? Or was this her idea of revenge – of punishment? Sirius scrubbed his mind clean for just long enough to get himself up onto his hippogriff before it all came flooding back. It then occurred to him that he would share almost every lesson with (F/N) that day …

A dark look crossed his face, which nobody else saw. (F/N) Castor was in for a long day.

Meanwhile, she was sitting proudly on the back of a light grey hippogriff with speckled plumage on his chest, but a black tail and black crest feathers on his head. She was stroking his neck softly while she waited for the others to settle down. When everyone was ready, she called the first group to her.

“Just let the hippogriffs guide you … While they may trust you enough to let you ride them, it can still take a while for them to be comfortable enough to let you steer them. For the purpose of this class, they’ll know what to do,” said (F/N) confidently. She, however, did not seem to have any issues with getting the hippogriff she was riding to go the way she asked it to.

A few among their number were starting to wonder if the rumours were true … Could (F/N) Castor really speak to animals? It was one of the Muggles’ favourite stories about witches – that they could all commune with nature as though there were no barriers to separate them. In reality, this was not something that just anyone could learn. Of course, _understanding_ creatures was attainable by anyone with the will to do so, much like the other magical disciplines, but to actually talk to them …

The light grey hippogriff carried (F/N) to the front of the small herd and stood sideways so that she could address everyone properly. “So, are we all ready?” she asked. “Lil, Haydn and Edie … You’ll be going first, as I said, and those hippogriffs look ready to go …” she said, using a pet name she’d come up with for Edith some time ago.

She was right, of course. Aeolus was bucking his head in his eagerness to take flight, and Edith’s hippogriff was pawing the ground impatiently. Before (F/N)’s friends could even nod to her, the creatures they were riding took up positions alongside the light grey male in a sort of wonky ‘V’ formation. The others looked on in amazement as, without further ado, everyone faced forward and held on tightly. It all happened in a bit of a blur, for there was a flurry of wings and a thundering of hooves, and then all four hippogriffs and their riders were rocketing into the air.

Sirius turned to James and they grinned at each other, just as Kettleburn let out a hearty laugh. “Look at them!” he cried, pointing towards the sky as if the rest of the class didn’t know where to look. “Absolutely magnificent!”

The rest of the class had to admit that it really was marvellous to watch. The four hippogriffs circled the lake, flying close to the surface of the deep, dark water again before racing back up towards the clouds. The students on the ground could not see the riders from this distance but (F/N), feeling more at peace than she had in months, felt as though things were going rather well.

Haydn was no longer clinging to Aeolus for dear life and had even dared to stretch out his arms as though he, too, had wings; Edith had been laughing almost non-stop, a sign of her complete amazement that this was happening to her; Lily looked a little pale in the face, still, and was still holding on tightly, but after a while the fresh air whipping her face began to have the same effect on her – a minute or so before landing, she sat up straight and properly surveyed her surroundings, something she had previously felt too queasy to do.

The landing was a little rough for Edith and Lily, but (F/N) handled hers rather expertly by rising up from the hippogriff’s back before his feet hit the grassy floor. Aeolus was an extremely comfortable hippogriff to ride, and very considerate of his rider, so Haydn finished his ride feeling almost as though Aeolus had landed on a pile of cushions. (F/N)’s hippogriff trotted around to the other side of the second group while the others, windswept and exhilarated, dismounted and fed their mounts a few treats as thanks.

“That – was – _amazing!”_ gasped Edith, as though the winds were still in her lungs. “You lot need to get up there!”

James, Yalina and Davey were all grinning and asking Lily, Edith and Haydn what it was like, despite their insistences that they just needed to go and experience it. The lesson was nearly over – it had felt like a blissfully long hour – and (F/N) was anxious to make sure that everyone got what they wanted out of it. She leaned forward to gently stroke her hippogriff’s light-coloured feathers while he took a short rest, enjoying the silky feeling beneath her fingers, but suddenly noticed that she was being watched. Her eyes met Sirius’ in an instant and wondered just how long he had been looking at her.

Assuming it had nothing to do with his usual flirtations, (F/N) sat up straight and wheeled the hippogriff about, bringing him back to stand beside the second group. “Ready?” she asked again, addressing Sirius more than the group as a whole.

“I’m always ready, love,”

(F/N) resisted the urge to roll her eyes; Sirius’ reply had sounded perfectly innocuous, but she knew better. It seemed that he was determined to lace every word with hidden meaning. The other hippogriffs lined up beside (F/N)’s, as they had seen their friends doing before, and everyone held on tightly knowing what was about to come. Again came the pounding of mismatched feet upon the grass and the beating of enormous wings, and each splendid beast took off, this time in the direction of the castle.

“Where are they taking us?!” shouted Davey, over the wind lashing his face. He was holding onto his hippogriff’s neck so tightly one may have thought he was trying to prise it away from its body. “We can’t fly around the castle!”

(F/N) turned back to him and laughed, a pretty, musical sound that was very familiar to all of her friends. As she surveyed the people flying behind her, she noticed how Sirius’ expression was one of wonder – as though he had never expected to see the castle he knew so much about from this angle – and how James’ was filled with excitement; this was very different to pelting around the Quidditch stadium on a broomstick. For one so used to flying, his overall demeanour suggested that he was reliving his very first experiences in the air.

“Enjoying yourself, Potter?” (F/N) called out to him, as they circled the Astronomy Tower with ease.

James was by far the next most proficient Hippogriff Pilot (that was how (F/N) had decided to refer to them just before the second flight), after (F/N) herself. It had only taken him about five minutes to become completely comfortable on the back of his hippogriff, and now that they were navigating Hogwarts’ many turrets and spires he made it look as though he had been riding winged, magical creatures all his life.

“This is brilliant!” he called back to her against the wind. “D’you think Madam Hooch will let us ride hippogriffs instead of brooms in our next match?”

(F/N) laughed again. She was so busy checking on the other three that she didn’t notice how Sirius stared. He was far less subtle than Severus, he knew, but he couldn’t resist; (F/N) Castor was just too … magical. Easily the most captivating witch he had ever come across, and also the most infuriating, Sirius Black was now acutely aware of his growing crush on her.

It didn’t help that every time he admired her beauty and genius there was always something else to draw his attention and make his mind race; the hippogriffs had just made a bold dive under one of the castle’s bridges, and (F/N) had let go of her mount’s neck so that she felt as though she were flying all by herself. The problem with that was that Sirius had noticed how she held onto the creature with only her legs, prompting all sorts of unclean thoughts about how strong those legs must be … He didn’t feel particularly guilty about looking, though, because he secretly revered just about every aspect of her existence anyway, including how utterly brilliant she was to have been accepted by these creatures as though she was just another member of the herd.

Before they knew it, the hippogriffs had left the castle behind. The two Marauders felt rather privileged to have seen it from an aerial view, as well as from the inside and knowing so many of its secrets. They flew a quick lap of the Black Lake before coming in for landing, but the ‘pilots’ felt that it was much too soon.

“Oh, come on!” James said, pouting. “Can’t we fly around a _teensy_ bit longer?” His hippogriff bobbed her head up and down several times, wearing a look that (F/N) _knew_ was one of complete approval – she liked James and his ideas very much. (F/N) smiled.

“If I thought Sprout would let us off Herbology today, I’d take you back up in a heartbeat,” she chuckled, knowing full-well that James wouldn’t need escorting a second time. He pretended to sulk with her before his face cracked into a cheeky grin, then slid off his hippogriff’s back.

The others did the same and brought the creatures back to the rest of their herd, to be led back into the forest by Kettleburn once everyone had left. It had been a long, exhausting, but very thrilling and rewarding hour, and most of the class felt as though it may have been the best yet. Aeolus trotted straight over to (F/N) once the light grey male had left her side and nuzzled her affectionately; he was pleased with the way the lesson went, too.

Just before everyone went to their next classes, (F/N) was met with a torrent of thank-you’s and missed whatever Kettleburn was calling out to them about homework. He didn’t seem too fussed about making sure they heard him though, because he then shrugged and smiled before wandering off into the forest with the herd in tow. (F/N) suddenly felt quite bashful again, being the centre of all this attention, and felt sure that this lesson would not soon be forgotten. She was very pleased, of course, but that didn’t stop her cheeks from turning as red as if her face had been lit on fire.

Lily came bombing over to her, ready to walk with her to Herbology. Her eyes were shining as though she was about to cry. “That …” she said breathlessly. “… was the most amazing lesson we’ve ever had! Thank you _so much_ for everything …”

She slipped her arm through (F/N)’s and began walking with her up the grassy slope towards the greenhouses. The sky was now a bright, summery blue without a single cloud to mar its smooth hue, and the spring sunshine beating down on them was pleasantly warm, giving everyone beneath it the feeling of being hugged. (F/N) smiled again.

“You are most welcome,” she said, gently squeezing her best friend’s arm. “I’m glad you enjoyed yourself,”

Lily couldn’t help thinking – for the millionth time since meeting her – how humble this girl was. She made no comment, however, and simply chose to focus on James and his friends walking a short distance ahead of them. Lily wondered how long they had been glancing back at her and (F/N), and also wondered if they thought they were being discreet about it.

She decided she would have a word with them about it later. (F/N), meanwhile, was blissfully unaware and lost in thought about the fantastic lesson they’d just had, but even she looked up with the rest of the class making their way back to the castle, as Aeolus squawked loudly from above, gliding above them as though he hadn’t had enough attention that day. A few joyful laughs filled the air, some students pointed to the inky-black hippogriff, and (F/N) couldn’t help but feel content once more.


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Smut

That evening, after dinner, (F/N) and Lily sat in the Gryffindor common room chatting and poring over their latest (and penultimate) Herbology assignment. Their lesson, second period, had been every bit as action-packed and exhausting as Care of Magical Creatures, and the rest of their classes that day had been hands-on and mentally challenging, too. Now, all they wanted to do was relax but with their exams fast approaching they knew that wasn’t an option.

(F/N) was nearly at the end of her essay on the Venomous Tentacula they’d been studying, when she decided enough was enough for one evening. It wasn’t even eight o’clock yet, but her muscles ached, her mind was throbbing, and her eyes were heavy.

“You okay there?” asked Lily, putting down her quill. (F/N) placed two paperweights on her parchment, to stop it from rolling up while the ink dried, and leaned back in her chair. She stretched wearily.

“Just getting tired,” said (F/N) sleepily. “I think I might go and have a bath, then I’ll come back and get my stuff before bed …”

Lily smiled kindly. “You have had a busy day,” she said. “Hey, I’ve just had an idea!” she added quickly.

(F/N) looked at her with interest and leaned forward again. James and his friends had just come into the common room but the girls ignored them, given they were too excited about something to even notice who else was in the room with them. They made their way upstairs, Peter tripping on his way up and nearly having Remus over too, who was walking behind him. Lily rolled her eyes, finding herself unable to block out that particular event.

“He is such a klutz, bless him,” she said softly, so that nobody else would hear. “Anyway, how would you like to know … the password to the Prefects’ bathroom?”

(F/N) grinned. “Are you offering?”

“I am indeed,” said Lily. “It’s _squeaky clean,_ ”

“I think I can remember that,” (F/N) chuckled. “Thanks, Lil,”

“No problem,” said Lily, smiling all the more. “You go and relax – you deserve it,”

(F/N) did as she was told. She went upstairs only briefly to grab her towel and hairbrush before making her way to the fifth floor, where she knew the Prefects’ bathroom was. She gave the password and was permitted entry. She was quite sure that Lily probably wasn’t allowed to give her the password, but she was certainly grateful – the room was absolutely gorgeous, with stained glass windows depicting beautiful mermaids, shiny floors and a huge, swimming pool-like bathtub sunk into the floor. The bath was surrounded by a hundred taps, all set with a different coloured jewel. Reminding herself that she was there for a soak rather than to admire the architecture, (F/N) looked around for a towel rail and somewhere dry to put her clothes while she bathed.

Finding a rail not far from the bath, (F/N) draped her towel over it and removed her robe, leaving her in her shirt, skirt, knee-highs and shoes. She then made her way to the bath and began examining the taps. Clearly, each tap dispensed something different: bath salts, shampoos, soaps, oils … (F/N) felt truly spoilt, and experimentally turned a couple of the handles. A fruity-smelling purple liquid gushed from one, a refreshing blue one discharged from another, and a bright, exotic-smelling orange substance poured from the third, and (F/N) watched as water came from another that she hadn’t touched, filling the bath much quicker than she would have expected given the size of it. Soon, bubbles were rising in mountains on the surface of the water (now coloured orange, blue and purple in a fun tie-dye effect) and steam was filling the room. (F/N) breathed deeply, inhaling the luxurious scents before shedding the rest of her clothes, folding them neatly and placing them on a nearby shelf.

(F/N) padded over to the side of the bath and delicately dipped a toe into the water to check the temperature. It was hot, but not unbearably so. She sat down on the edge, slid her legs into the water, then allowed the rest of her body to follow. The bath was deep, and she found herself treading water immediately, so she took the opportunity to submerge herself completely, wetting her hair and face and resurfacing to find a lot of bubbles on her head. She wiped them away before attempting to swim a couple of lengths, cutting a clear line through the bubbles. On the other side of the bath she found the water was shallower, and if she felt so inclined she could have sat on the floor and the water would still cover her chest, allowing her to rest her head on the side and close her eyes …

The water was so warm, along with the rest of the room, and the scent so heavenly that (F/N) could have quite happily fallen asleep. Of course, the water may have gone cold by then and the bubbles would have disappeared, and Lily would be worried that she’d drowned (probably), but the fact still remained that she _could_ have slept there – quite peacefully – for quite some time.

The room was completely silent apart from the gentle sloshing of the water against the sides of the bath. (F/N) leaned up against one side and breathed deeply the soothing scents of the bath oils, etc. she’d added, before turning to one of the shampoo taps and dispensing some onto her hand. She gave it a quick sniff and was delighted to find that it smelled of apples; she wasted no more time in massaging it into her wet hair, lathering it up until her hair squelched with rich bubbles. She savoured it for a few minutes, allowing it to soak, before dunking herself back under and washing the suds away. She then repeated the process with conditioner, which smelled pleasantly of lavender and lemon, but which also made her feel a bit sleepy to work into her hair and scalp.

It was just as she was finishing rubbing the conditioner into her ends and leaning back once more to enjoy the privilege of using this room that she realised the stained-glass windows were moving, much like the paintings around the school. The pretty blonde mermaid in one was combing her long, golden locks with a comb fashioned from a seashell, stopping only to glance over her shoulder now and then to see what her guest was up to. Other than that, she didn’t seem to be particularly bothered about having been disturbed.

(F/N) thought back to how she had discovered her ability to transform into animals at will and wondered if this extended to _magical_ creatures. She examined the mermaid again, taking precise notes on the shape of her tail and the scales coating it (no doubt engineered by nature to be as streamlined as possible). She even took notice of the lustrous gleam of those scales, before imagining such a tail on herself, taking the place of her legs …

She truly delighted in the fact that all it took for her to take another form entirely was a thought. A powerful and determined thought, but still a thought, nevertheless. These frivolous transformations helped redirect her mind from the stresses of seventh-year student life and the other difficulties she experienced daily, to a simpler way to spend her time, both relaxing and practising her own seemingly special brand of magic.

She was suddenly overcome with a desire to duck beneath the surface of the water and so she did, dunking herself in one smooth motion. The water did not blur her vision, nor did it suffocate her. Instead, she saw the intricate mosaic floor of the bath and found that she could, in fact, breathe underwater. She glanced down and became transfixed in a moment by her beautiful new tail, gleaming in the dim, underwater light the same colours as she had seen Dumbledore’s phoenix, Fawkes, sporting when she encountered him in the headmaster’s office. She wiggled her tail fins and stretched her arms out in front of her; her skin was now a little paler and slightly translucent; the light seemed to nearly permeate it, giving her an ethereal glow.

Her fingers were also webbed. _That_ was different.

(F/N) didn’t need to push herself away from the side in order to swim – she simply moved her arms in a breaststroke motion and moved her new tail, almost as if she had been a mermaid all her life and knew exactly how to behave as one. In no time at all she was having a whale of a time, frolicking underwater, twirling and dancing and doing what others would probably just call ‘mucking about’. She didn’t know if it was a mere side effect of taking the form of a mermaid, but (F/N) was also enjoying the feeling of the warm water rushing over her skin.

She didn’t know how long she’d been swimming around beneath the mountains of bubbles, but it was as she was absentmindedly skimming the floor, running her hands along the smooth tiles (and reading the runic inscriptions because she couldn’t help herself) that she felt a sudden disturbance in the water. It was only a ripple, but it was enough to seize her attention; she turned around and got the shock of her life.

They were mostly obscured by the excessive amount of bubbles still in the bath but, at the shallow end, (F/N) could _definitely_ see a pair of legs in the water. She came to the surface and peeked above the surface as surreptitiously as she could but, despite her gills, she gasped down a lungful of bathwater and nearly choked.

“ _Whatareyoudoing?_ ” she spluttered quickly, raising her head fully above the water. Her shock was as nothing compared to the interloper’s, though, as he screamed and slipped further into the bath with a splash. Thankfully, his lower half was already hidden behind the bubbles _he’d_ added.

Sirius Black emerged wheezing from the water and shimmied back to the shallow end, grabbing the side of the bath and pushing his wet, black hair away from his face. His chest (well-toned, (F/N) observed) was heaving as though he were suffering the consequences of running a marathon.

“Merlin’s pants, Castor …” he croaked. (F/N) realised he must have swallowed some of the water too. “What the hell …”

“No, I asked you first,” (F/N) growled. “How did you get in here?”

“James gave me the password …”

(F/N) closed her eyes and breathed in through her nose, slowly and deliberately. _Of course,_ she thought. “So, never mind then the fact that the Prefects’ bathroom opens its door to whomever gives the correct password, regardless of whether it’s occupied or not, why on earth would you climb into a bath that’s already full? Didn’t that strike you as odd?”

Sirius looked at her with grey eyes full of guilt and shook his head. “No, and for what it’s worth, I’m really, _really_ sorry. I didn’t mean to burst in on you …”

(F/N) smirked in spite of herself, finding his shyness … interesting. She wanted to tease him more, just as he had been doing earlier that day. Putting his arm around her whenever he got the chance, winking at her across classrooms, finding _any_ excuse to talk to her and drop a cheesy pickup line if he could …

“I’m glad to hear _that_ , at least,” she said, after a moment or two of deliberately awkward silence. “Or I might have started to think that you always climb into people’s baths with them,”

(F/N) wasn’t sure if it was the heat from the still-warm bath making Sirius’ skin flush pink or the fact that she was now teasing him while they were both in this compromising situation. There was nothing for either of them to see that they shouldn’t, and they were just talking, but (F/N) felt in her element, somehow, and as though _she_ had the upper hand.

“So, what _did_ you think was going on when you saw the bath was already full?” she pushed. Sirius’ expression changed to one of near-desperation, almost as if he was being tortured. He wouldn’t look at (F/N), either.

“I … I don’t _know_ what I thought, okay? This is the first time I’ve ever been in here, and I suppose, living in a magical castle, you don’t tend to question these things, do you? Maybe it knew I was coming and filled in anticipation. Maybe it … maybe …” He trailed off, finding himself at a loss for more examples to give. (F/N) smirked again and Sirius slapped the water in frustration.

“Oh, my …” she purred, swatting away a mound of bubbles that had floated too near. Sirius looked at her in curiosity, a handsome black eyebrow quizzically arched. He seemed to relax somewhat, almost as if the mere hint of flirtation was enough to soothe him.

“What?” he challenged.

“I never thought _the_ Sirius Black could be so bashful …” (F/N) said with a wicked grin. “And to think, all of that flirting and teasing must have been bravado …”

“Says who?” Sirius shot back, attempting to make himself look relaxed in (F/N)’s presence, resting his arms on the side of the bath behind him and leaning back. His hair slicked back and his creamy skin glistening with water, (F/N) had to admit that he did look rather … nice.

“Says me,” she replied, in a flippant, all-knowing sort of way. “You’re notorious, Black, yet here you are, blushing like a schoolboy and unsure of where to look …”

He chuckled, a deliciously low sound that was both dark and velvety at the same time. “Well, I _am_ a schoolboy,” he said slowly. “But I know _exactly_ where to look …”

Sirius’ devilish grey eyes met (F/N)’s piercing (E/C) ones and this time his gaze did not falter. (F/N) grinned at him and swam ever-so-slightly closer, vanishing her mermaid tail in the process and returning to a normal human form.

“Oh, but your initial reaction suggested otherwise,” she purred back. “I never would have believed it of you …”

Sirius smiled languidly. “Because I’m ‘notorious’, is that it?” he murmured, his voice echoing anyway in the spacious bathroom. “I wonder, what exactly have you heard?”

“Enough to know that you shouldn’t be so flustered about being this close to a naked girl,”

Her pointed manner of speaking and the delectable sharpness of her gaze caused goose bumps to erupt all over Sirius’ body, and to his disquiet he knew that (F/N) was well aware. He was thankful that she probably didn’t know what was going on underwater.

Battling the surge of body-weakening heat rushing through him, Sirius managed to smile once again. He knew exactly what (F/N) was talking about, but he wanted to set the record straight once and for all. “I have a reputation, Castor, but hardly any of what you’ve probably heard is true …”

“Oh, really?” she said in a very sugary voice, which he loved. “So what is the truth?”

“Ah, well they may refer to me as one of Hogwarts’ greatest lovers …” sighed Sirius dramatically, pausing to allow (F/N) an incredulous snort. “… Alas, I have lain with but one maiden, and am not as experienced as one may think …”

(F/N) found that very hard to believe, and it must have shown in her expression because Sirius gave her a cheeky grin.

“I’m wounded that you won’t take my word for it, (F/N),” he said, using her first name far more softly.

“I’ve seen you snogging _loads_ of girls, Sirius,” (F/N) pointed out. “You really expect me to believe that none of them went further than that?”

“One of them _did_ go further than that,” he chuckled. “But that’s the point – I’ve only slept with one girl. I’m not the whore the school seems to think I am,”

(F/N) felt a little sorry for him then, especially when she saw the fleeting look of vulnerability that flashed across his features. She decided to take his word for it.

“All right, if you say so,” she said, still intending to tease him. He’d been on at her all day, after all … “So am I to take that as your reason for being so … horrified, at accidentally sharing a bath with me?”

“I’m a flirt, (F/N), not a pervert,” he rumbled. “Honestly, you have the worst impression of me – is that why you won’t go out with me?”

(F/N) smirked again, rolling her pretty eyes. “No, I won’t go out with you because you’re a bloody pest,”

“James was a bloody pest – got on Lily’s nerves for six years – and _they’re_ together,”

“So he flirted with her for six years … You started on me … what? A year ago, if that? So don’t worry, if I’m not married by the time I’m twenty-three, you could be in with a chance,”

Sirius continued to watch her as she swam elegantly to the side of the bath, his eyes warm and full of admiration. He’d long since come to terms with the fact that he’d never felt this way for anyone other than (F/N), and he wanted her to know that someday. He’d actually wondered if the reason she’d rejected all of his advances was because she was still sore over Severus … But, in the interest of keeping the conversation alive, Sirius seized the ripest part of her comment and twisted it to suit himself.

“Ohh, I see … So if I could be in with a chance sometime in the next five years, does that mean you’re not _actually_ opposed to going out with me?”

(F/N) glanced at him and raised an eyebrow. “Make of it what you will,”

They carried on like that for quite some time, until the bubbles had all nearly disappeared. (F/N) was half-tempted to add some more, but she had already been in the bath far longer than she originally intended and now, she decided, it was definitely time to go.

“Right, I need to get out …” she said, looking at her hands. Her palms and the pads of her fingers had all shrivelled up. “Could you, uh …” She made a circular motion with her index finger, indicating to Sirius that he needed to turn away. He smiled.

“Oh dear … and I was so enjoying our time together, too,” he teased, relishing (F/N)’s reaction (smirking and rolling her eyes). “I suppose you’re going to tell me that I’m not to tell a soul about this?”

“Golly, you _do_ have some common sense after all,”

“You’re a hard bitch, (F/N) Castor. I’ll soften you yet, just you wait and see,”

(F/N) grinned – she _was_ a hard bitch, yes. “Turn – _away,_ Black,”

Sirius smirked back and closed his eyes. “Even if I turn away I’ll still see that gorgeous body of yours, Castor,”

(F/N) tried not to blush, even though her face felt very hot all of a sudden. And she had been doing so well, too. “Those eyes had better stay closed or you’ll lose them,” she said. His only response was to mime crossing his heart.

She swam delicately to the shallow end of the bath but stopped short. The sight of Sirius, sitting there with his eyes closed, face completely relaxed while he waited for her to get out, was nigh irresistible. For the first time since noticing him properly she now had the opportunity to take in the sight of him and appreciate him … and he wasn’t even aware of her doing it, so he couldn’t get cocky. (F/N) smiled to herself at having this rare advantage.

“Are you getting out or what? If I sit here with my eyes closed much longer I’ll nod off …”

(F/N) grinned but it quickly faded. The thought of kissing him had very suddenly sprung to mind and had caught her off-guard. She knew that after all of their flirting (not just this evening, but all of the times before) had made her fond of him – albeit unwillingly. She’d have been lying if she said she didn’t find him attractive – she did, very much so – and that his magnetic personality hadn’t intrigued her. All that she was concerned about were her lingering feelings for Severus … Their relationship hadn’t ended naturally, per se, and she knew she would always harbour feelings for him, but she needed to move on … Could she sit by otherwise and watch as she went one way and he went another? That was what caused all of this … and both of them had been wounded by it. She didn’t want to use Sirius – someone who could potentially align with her on a moral level – as a means to an end, so the curiosity in her screamed at her to explore the very real possibility that she really – truly – liked him.

With this in mind, (F/N) scooted the tiniest bit closer to Sirius and glanced at his lips, dusky pink in the low lighting of the bathroom and only the slightest bit chapped …

He sighed gently, although (F/N) could hear the hint of amusement in his voice. “Are you out _now?_ Or are you going to ambush me?”

Knowing that she wouldn’t have been able to get out completely silently, (F/N) knew that Sirius must have realised she was still in the water. Gathering all of her courage in one go, she whispered, “The second one,” and ducked down to plant the softest and most tantalising of kisses upon his lips.

Sirius’ eyes snapped open in surprise and even he, “one of Hogwarts’ greatest lovers”, could not silence the startled whimper that escaped him. Finding this positively delightful, (F/N) kissed him again, and again, small pecks that came in quick succession. She was quickly rewarded for her boldness as Sirius wound his arms around her; one curled around her waist and the other cradled her shoulders. When (F/N)’s kisses stopped, he pulled her back to him to claim her soft, velvety lips for his own, all while trying so hard to ignore the way her ample, supple breasts pressed against his chest, their skin deliciously slick with water. (F/N)’s arms snaked around the back of Sirius’ neck and enveloped him loosely, while the hand resting gently on her hip beneath the water began to slowly – and rather gingerly – caress her smooth skin.

Thoughts of their previous flirtatious banter crossed both of their minds, and both decided to act further upon just how amorous that made them feel. (F/N) curled herself delicately into Sirius’ side, opting to avoid his bare lap – for now – with a certain defiance only he had ever seen her display. He shifted so that he could reach her better, and as he kissed her this time he sucked her bottom lip, earning him a greedily sought-after prize: a sultry moan, and a small squeeze of the back of his neck where her clever hands yet lingered.

With one hand resting boldly on her thigh and the other holding her gently by the waist, Sirius backed (F/N) into the side of the great pool-like bath and continued his assault on her lips, before taking the fight to the silken skin of her neck. (F/N) was finding it more difficult by the minute to continue to believe that he had only spent the night with one girl, but she supposed it really didn’t need to go all the way for him to pick up a lot of useful tips. Either way, she was very glad of the experience he did have, because his ministrations and manipulations of her body felt utterly divine.

With each passing second their kisses grew more feverish and their bodies became hotter, and soon their hair was sticking to their faces not because of the still-warm water but because, in their fervour, they had worked up a bit of a sweat. One of Sirius’ hands moved to a point just over (F/N)’s navel, tantalisingly close to an ache just inches below that she was painfully aware of. As he kissed her jaw – teasing her, she knew – she ran her nails firmly but gently over his shoulders and down his arms, eliciting a sweet groan from him and a quick, playful nip of her skin. She may have done it regardless, had he not given her that little bite, but it caused a small spasm that bucked her hips towards him, which he felt with his torturously situated right hand.

Smirking against her lips, Sirius said, “Something you want, my dear?”

(F/N)’s first response was to nibble his lower lip in exchange for all the contact her skin had had with his teeth. Sirius growled in an almost primal fashion, moving his left hand to the back of her head so that he could kiss her harder and rougher than she could ever have imagined. It was so forceful and domineering that she nearly turned to putty there and then.

Eventually, she managed to choke out, “It’s not about what I _want_ ,” Her foxy eyes glinted in the dim light, but had no need to finish her point; Sirius could see right through her and he chuckled at his discovery.

“Ah, so it’s about what you _need_ , then,” he murmured, in such a low voice that (F/N) almost felt its vibration against her skin. “Well, who am I to deny a lady her basic requirements?”

She shivered with pleasure as he slid his hand down from her stomach to her thigh, caressing the soft skin until she whimpered impatiently at his dallying. Sirius smiled inwardly and caved to what he deemed her very reasonable, unspoken demands, slipping a slender finger between her folds in a manner that made her moan and wonder just how many times he’d done this before. He waited patiently for her warm folds to accept the welcome intrusion before adding another finger, slightly bending them inside her so that he could press delicately on the spot he knew would make her wild for him, and no sooner had he begun moving his wrist than (F/N) was a panting, wantonly whining mess beneath him, her beautiful breasts rapidly rising and falling in the shallow water as she rested her head on the side of the bath.

Sirius moved so that he could support her head with his arm, giving her something softer to lean on, but nearly slipped again as he felt her reach out to tenderly palm him beneath the water, stroking his length as though she knew exactly how to work him, as though he had come with a manual and she’d read it front to back. Startled by the sudden contact, a quiet yelp escaped Sirius’ mouth as (F/N) massaged him, the skin-to-skin interaction made much more sensual by the water. Even as he continued to work her body in return, Sirius was forced to bury his face in the side of (F/N)’s neck to prevent himself from moaning aloud, sounds he was sure would be quite obscene if they went unchecked.

(F/N)’s clever fingers seemed to work all on their own, sliding over him and manipulating his manhood as easily as she handled her wand, and despite having her in his grasp too, Sirius was completely at her mercy. Everything felt so right at that moment, despite doing it in the Prefects’ bathroom being so very wrong, and neither Gryffindor felt they could stand another minute without the other as close as they could possibly be.

(F/N) retracted her playful hand, drawing a disappointed moan from Sirius, although he sincerely hoped this meant what he thought it did. Sure enough, she pushed him back so that he sat with his back against the bath and slithered towards him, almost as a creature of the deep would. Sirius was captivated, unable to take in all of her breath-taking features at once – he wanted to look everywhere: at her eyes, hungry and seductive; her hair, damp and messy; her lips, swollen and red; her body … her curves … voluptuous and inviting. There was her smooth, fragrant skin, too … It was a map – a constellation – of natural markings and beautiful blemishes and, for the first time ever, he was able to see the lightning scars that she took such care to conceal, forking down her arm and her side, and down, down towards her hip …

… He was so busy trying to admire all of her at once, and doggedly trying not to be so hopelessly aroused by the power he knew she must possess, that he nearly overlooked the fact that she was climbing into his lap, settling over his throbbing member which, since losing the delicious attentions of her hand, had been utterly desperate to be reunited with (F/N)’s body in any way she saw fit.

Sirius gazed up into (F/N)’s pink-dusted face, grey eyes glittering with an emotion he did not dare disclose. A hand snaked its way to the back of (F/N)’s neck, pulling her down to Sirius for another steamy kiss, as his other hand pulled her hips down onto his. (F/N)’s hands flew to cup Sirius’ face and she kissed him harder as his length stretched her walls. A battle for dominance ensued: Sirius, who was not used to being bottom, fought (F/N)’s tongue with his in an attempt to gain some semblance of control, but soon gave up when he realised (F/N) was not a witch who knew how to lose, and simply would not allow him victory. That, and he was slowly losing his sense of reality, unable to concentrate on anything but the beautiful young woman riding him and the rhapsody that came with feeling her move against his body.

With every sensual movement the water sloshed around them, their tongues tangled in tighter knots and their fingers dug deeper into each other’s skin, seemingly determined to leave bruises – souvenirs of their time together, reminders of how rough they could be. No words were uttered, no groans were heard, only the rippling of the water as they moved in passionate unison and the occasional panting that accompanied such exertion.

(F/N) could think of nothing but how good this felt, her body writhing atop Sirius’ in undulating, serpentine motions and his hips below hers rolled as though operated by machinery; his movements were smooth and even, almost fine-tuned as if engineered for (F/N)’s body and hers alone. Sirius, on the other hand, was in paradise; he couldn’t quite believe that this girl, the one he’d overheard so many people admiring, the one he’d been pursuing for many, many months and who seemed wholly uninterested in him, was now joined with him in the most intimate of ways, kissing him as she did only in his dreams, and holding him as if she never wanted to let go.

It started as a hot, coiling sensation in (F/N)’s stomach, as if her very core were beginning to melt. She could feel Sirius’ considerable size inside her, his tip pushing into her innermost depths, exploring her as though searching her for a very specific prize. Almost as if he knew what was happening to her body – and she was sure he was, in fact, fully aware – he moved the hand that had hitherto rested on her bottom to her softly throbbing bud, massaging it with the intention of sending those mind-numbing, electric jolts of ecstasy shoot through her body until she came, screaming his name to the ceiling …

Only she didn’t scream – not in Sirius’ mind. She sang, and a beautiful song it was, too. Her voice became raspy and ragged, and her moans were higher-pitched and wavered in a melodic, almost operatic, fashion, and as she came her cries reached a crescendo, echoing in the cavernous bathroom and rebounding to Sirius’ eager ears, exciting him beyond the limits of his self-control and this, combined with the tightness of (F/N)’s soft, wet walls convulsing around him, was what dragged him over the edge, like a boulder tied to his ankle and dropped off a cliff. He spilled into her without hesitation, and together they rode out their pleasure until the waters supporting them stilled once more.

Too dizzy and drunk on bliss to be able to think straight, let alone form a coherent sentence, Sirius simply allowed (F/N) to plant a warm, sensual kiss upon his lips before sliding out of his lap and climbing out of the bath. The kiss left his lips tingling as though hers had been coated in some sort of spice and, while he wanted to reach up and touch the spot, he found that the simple action of lifting his hand was far too much to think about and so let it laze in the water instead. He realised he must have languished for a good few minutes, because when he just about managed to turn his head in the hopes of admiring (F/N) just a little bit more, he saw that she was fully dressed and was about to finish brushing her still-damp hair.

When she was ready to head back to Gryffindor Tower, (F/N) found that she didn’t really know what to say to Sirius. She had, of course, had a very good evening with him, but now she felt a bit awkward. They weren’t going out with each other, after all, and she hadn’t stayed around to cuddle him, either. _Was_ he a cuddler? Did she thank him, did she tell him she’d see him later? Would that imply this would happen again? Would he think that presumptuous? Similarly, if she left now without suggesting there was something more between them now than there had been that afternoon, would he think she’d just used him as a means to an end, then ran away?

She didn’t know the answer to any of these questions, but she did manage to settle for a shy nod in his direction and a small “see you later”. Sirius watched her go with curiosity and a burning desire to ask her out again, feeling certain that his odds of being rejected again were much lower than the last time he’d badgered her. However, he sensed that all was not right with the girl he held so much affection for, and he suddenly felt determined to find out if he could help with that, and if she hadn’t come to terms with it on her own in the next couple of days.

Sirius finished up his bath and climbed out too, dried himself off and got dressed. He had the feeling that tonight’s encounter was not something he should go around broadcasting to the school, or even his best friends for that matter. James would be thrilled that he’d managed to get (F/N) to warm up to him, and Peter would want tips on how to get a girl who says she doesn’t like him to suddenly like him (Sirius wasn’t quite sure that what he’d achieved that evening was anything more than sheer, dumb luck, though).

Remus, on the other hand, would not be very happy at all. Sirius knew full-well that Remus had had his eye on (F/N) since first year but had never been quite brave enough to do anything about what he insisted was ‘only a little crush’, all on account of his ‘furry little problem’. He hadn’t been thrilled when Sirius tentatively admitted to also having a crush on (F/N), but after the initial awkwardness they’d both treated it as something of a friendly competition.

Sirius had been wild with jealousy when Remus told him how (F/N) liked to have him as a study partner nowadays, and how she would smile gently at him and engage him in the most interesting conversations. Sirius had tried to talk to (F/N) but she always seemed to view him as a pest, a nuisance. Now it appeared that her opinion of him was quite different to that, and Sirius had the feeling Remus would be most displeased to learn of how much further Sirius had suddenly surged in their little ‘contest’, apparently without trying very hard.

Sirius knew the truth of it, though: (F/N) had tried very hard herself not to be taken in by him, and now that she had, she had been taken in on her own terms. Sirius was comfortable with that, but what he wasn’t comfortable with was the possibility that there would never be anything more between them, and the possibility that, even if she didn’t want to be his girlfriend, he would never even get to kiss her again, or hold her hand, or hug her, or anything …

Sirius left his tie hanging undone around his neck and picked up his wand, slipping it back into his inside pocket. He would try not to think about the coming days, for now, and simply concentrate on the truly wonderful evening he’d just had instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okey dokey ...
> 
> So going back to what I said about the main character’s relationship with Sev, I did feel that their relationship needed to be treated more delicately and more respectfully than depicting scenes of wanton lovemaking ... 
> 
> Obviously there was a bit more where that came from not so long ago, but I felt that because Sirius is a very different character to Severus, plus the fact that the main character and her peers are a bit older now, the first truly smutty scene wouldn’t be out-of-place here.
> 
> I would also like to say that this is not a case of our beloved main character breaking up with one boy and immediately moving on to another. It’s been a few months! I hope she doesn’t seem too promiscuous now ... She just gets a lot of love :)
> 
> \- SooperChicken


	41. Chapter 41

A week later, Sirius still had not spoken to (F/N) about what happened between them that evening in the Prefects’ bathroom. He insisted to himself that it was because their N.E.W.Ts were nearly upon them, and revision and homework took all priority, but he knew, in the back of his mind, that it was really because he now felt rather insecure about the whole thing. He hadn’t spoken of it to his friends either, which was a very alien prospect to him. Normally they would share all of the amazing things that happened in their lives – it was what friends did – but something about this situation seemed … off-limits, somehow. It left him feeling quite isolated but, out of respect for the other party involved, he kept his exuberant mouth shut and pretended nothing had happened. In fact, he continued his usual flirting with (F/N) so as not to arouse suspicion.

(F/N) was feeling much the same, however. She was adamant that she had no time to think about her encounter with Sirius, what with her daily and nightly studies, but every time she went to bed she lay awake, staring at the ceiling for ridiculous amounts of time, wondering whether she’d done the right or the wrong thing by allowing herself to get so carried away. She had no doubts in her mind that this had helped heal her broken heart, but had it really been the best thing to do? Probably not, she told herself. Normally she would speak to Lily about this sort of thing, but she was both too proud to admit she was right and too embarrassed to admit she’d had a one-night stand. She was also afraid Lily would think the worst, and think that (F/N) had, indeed, used Sirius.

(F/N) didn’t feel that way at all. In fact, the more she dwelled on it the more she thought she liked him, and the idea of possibly being his girlfriend seemed more appealing by the day. She just didn’t know if it was too soon, if the people around her would think her a tart if she jumped from one boy to another in hardly any time at all. Of course, it had been a few months since she and Severus had broken up, but still …

(F/N) told herself that she would not have allowed this to happen if she didn’t feel _something_ for Sirius, but if that was the case then why was she doubting herself? She wanted to talk to Lily about it – badly – but couldn’t bring herself to do it, because even the thought of raising the subject gave her a headache. How would she put it to her? _Hey, Lil, guess what? I had sex with Sirius and now I’m having a crisis._

Oh, yeah. That would go down about as smoothly as framing Patty Nolan.

She would always manage to go to sleep eventually, but she was reminded every day of her dilemma, because Sirius was in every single one of her classes. Her growing fondness for him gave her a newfound appreciation for his talents, too, which only made matters worse. Their Astronomy lessons were always marked by Sirius’ excellence in the subject and his intelligent insight and, although he was always showing off, (F/N) got the distinct impression that he was behaving as such to prove a point rather than garner attention in general.

In next to no time at all, their final exams were upon them and everything they’d ever learned at Hogwarts was being put to the test. (F/N)’s first exam was Care of Magical Creatures, more specifically on dangerous creatures (including Hippogriffs and Acromantulas – she would have to thank Hagrid) which put her in a very good mood for the others that followed in the following days. Transfiguration and Charms went just as smoothly as their O.W.L counterparts two years earlier (had it really been that long?) and Potions and Herbology complemented each other nicely by being held on consecutive days and by asking questions about the same sorts of plants.

Astronomy was held on the Monday of the second week, by which point everyone was already exhausted but, determined to get through it all in one piece, they all soldiered on. (F/N), to her immense frustration, only managed to answer a couple of questions on her written paper thanks to her mind incessantly replaying something Sirius had said in one of their final lessons, but thankfully the teacher had told him he was exactly right, so (F/N) knew she had that one in the bag, at least.

As the second week wore on, the summer sun climbed higher in the consistently bright-blue sky and every student sitting examinations, fifth and seventh-years both, longed to be outside enjoying the fine weather but were instead confined either to the Great Hall or one of their classrooms, depending on whether they were sitting a written examination or a practical one.

On the Wednesday, (F/N) thought their Defence Against the Dark Arts exam was particularly interesting, simply because the practical involved conjuring a Patronus and only a few of their number managed to create a corporeal one. Most were able to produce an _in_ corporeal one, but to (F/N)’s intense amusement, those who returned from the examination complaining that they hadn’t been able to do it were all among the group whose plan after Hogwarts was to join Voldemort’s Death Eaters. (F/N) realised, though, that Severus was not among the people griping about having failed.

That was because Severus never failed at anything to do with DADA.

When (F/N) was called up, she was thrilled to be tested alongside Lily and, more to her surprise than anything else, Sirius. All three conjured powerful, corporeal Patronuses, further lifting (F/N)’s spirits and giving her hope for a good grade at the end. Lily’s was a doe, slender and beautiful, and it frolicked about the room as though it really were running wild through a meadow or forest. Sirius’ was a dog, which (F/N) thought was a very near giveaway of his secret Animagus form (it didn’t take a genius to work out why his friends called him Padfoot, especially not now she had seen his Patronus). Hers, on the other hand, was a hippogriff, something she hadn’t expected when she first conjured it (but honestly thought she should have). It now felt like a part of her being, though, and she was very pleased with how it turned out during the exam; it galloped away down the Great Hall before taking off and turning back on itself, soaring over their heads before vanishing through the wall like a ghost.

With everything else out of her way, (F/N)’s final exam on the last Friday of the exam season was Divination. She hoped her ‘Inner Eye’ was working properly, and that she would be able to answer the questions the examiner posed. She waited outside the Divination classroom as she had in fifth year, waiting to be called, but was surprised to hear Professor Moran’s voice ringing out from behind the door. Each student’s exams were separated by a ten-minute window, presumably so that the examiner could prepare for the next, so (F/N), standing alone in the corridor, opened the door and went inside.

The room was so familiar to her now, having been taught in it for the last four years, that even in the dim lighting she knew exactly where to look to find Moran – even though he was almost luminous in his pallor, making it difficult for him to blend in with his surroundings. He smiled serenely when he saw her and gestured for her to take a seat opposite him. On the table in front of him was a crystal ball, a steaming teacup and a few other items they had been using since sixth year to further hone their skills as seers.

“Welcome, Miss Castor,” he said softly, smiling equally so. “How are you feeling today?”

“Very well, thank you, Professor,” said (F/N) politely, smiling back. Their exchanges often went like this. “And yourself?”

“I am well, thank you, my dear,” said Moran. His crystal blue eyes sliced through the darkened room and struck her as though she had been pierced with needles – although not unpleasantly so. “As you may have already seen, your examiner is sitting behind me …”

An elderly lady leaned around Moran to look at (F/N) and gave her a courteous nod before retreating back into her seat. She was a very little witch, whose clipboard was almost too big for her to hold, and by comparison Moran appeared eerily large despite his slender build. Avoiding his piercing eyes, (F/N) turned her attention to the objects on the table, wondering which she would be asked to use in her exam. Clearly, they had all been presented so that the examiner could select one at random. Why was her _professor_ overseeing the exam, though?

She asked him.

“Because my own energies are particularly heightened today and I am therefore well-placed to verify whether my students’ predictions are true or not,” he said softly, and with a smile that made his blue eyes glitter like ice on glass. (F/N) felt her stomach wince at the sight, feeling the same – oddly pleasant – lurching that everyone reported when Moran looked at them.

Just as she was thinking this, however, the old examiner stood and moved to stand beside the table. She appeared to be studying the instruments on the table as though she were the one being examined, and finally settled on the teacup and the crystal ball. (F/N) resisted the urge to smile, lest the examiner think she’d chosen far too simply. (F/N) was suddenly looking forward to this exam, because these were two of her three favourite methods of divination, the other being palmistry because her mother was apparently a great fan of it.

“Now, Miss Castor … Your task is very simple. I would like you to use the tools indicated to you to discern an event in your professor’s past and link it to something that will happen in his future,”

The elderly examiner sat down, the wooden chair creaking as she leaned back. (F/N) had never been asked such a peculiar question (it wasn’t a simple task at all), and even Moran looked slightly taken aback. Still, he remained the epitome of calm and patience as he sat before her, and made a small gesture with his pale, elegant hands as if to say, “Go ahead”.

Trembling slightly, (F/N) picked up the steaming teapot (it must have been heated before she came in, she thought) from the next table and poured Moran some tea while she prepared the crystal ball. Moran was helpful to her but not _too_ helpful – he drank the tea without prompt and only until the dregs remained, of course, but placed the cup facing the right way up. (F/N) slid the cup towards her on its saucer and upended it, allowing the last of the liquid to drain away. The crystal ball appeared to have been filled with a light, silvery smoke which swirled in intricate patterns. Everything was nearly ready.

The final thing to check was her subject, and she looked at him with eyes full of concern. “Are you sure this is all right, Professor? What if I see something personal …?”

“If even the slightest bit of doubt existed in my mind I would not be here,” he replied, with a hint of a chuckle. His blue eyes glittered with amusement. “As for seeing anything personal … I’ve locked it all away,” he said, tapping his temple with a slender finger and smirking, which was a smile (F/N) had never seen him wear before. He leaned back slightly and sighed. “If you do break through my defences I shall be most impressed, at any rate,”

(F/N) couldn’t help smiling. It sounded like a challenge, one that she would ordinarily have accepted … were she not speaking with one of her teachers, that is. She remembered herself and, still smiling, righted the teacup before switching immediately to the crystal ball. Concentrating hard, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, then reopened her eyes to peer into its smoky depths.

Something was stirring in the mist. It had no form, but something certainly was there. (F/N) strained her eyes in her attempt to discern exactly what she was seeing, hoping it would come into focus. So far, it was like trying to see what was on the other side of an obscured-glass window.

Thinking that this perhaps had something to do with her and not the crystal ball and what it ‘wanted’ to show her, (F/N) took another deep breath and allowed her mind to descend to another level of tranquillity. She urged herself to let go of all expectations – she may have been in an exam, but it didn’t matter what part of Moran’s history she cottoned onto, as long as she could find out how it would affect his future.

Soon, (F/N) began to see results, but they were not at all what she thought she would see. She had already let go of her presuppositions, but her results were very strange indeed. If she were to believe her eyes, she would have to go through the exam thinking that Moran had _died_ , once upon a time. She looked up at him over the crystal ball and met his eyes. He was smiling as softly as ever, as though nothing could perturb him, but those eyes glittered knowingly, and (F/N) knew that to think him unaware of what she had just seen would be foolish.

Moran quirked a white eyebrow – a movement that lasted barely half a second – and nodded once in a slow, approving motion. He was permitting her to delve further; no one had gone so far with a crystal ball in his class, and he knew no other student had been asked to demonstrate their skill in his subject in such a manner. He thought (F/N) was doing very well already.

Knowing that he was content for her to continue, (F/N) decided to gaze back into the crystal ball and attempt to glean further information about this strange event in Moran’s past. She did not know how this man could have died and still be sat in front of her, and details of that were not forthcoming, but she could also tell from this period in Moran’s life that it all happened … quite some time ago. The scenery – though patchy as it appeared – suggested … the Victorian era? Or perhaps the inhabitants of the house she was looking at were particularly old-fashioned …

(F/N) had never been so confused in her life – perhaps Moran had not died, but had a near-death experience? – but she pressed on in the hope that she would now be able to link the fragment of history the crystal ball had been so generous to offer to something that Moran would – someday – experience.

(F/N) turned away from the orb and picked up the nearby teacup, with the dark, spinach-like residue of the tealeaves sticking to the bottom. Now that she was taking her final exam in Divination, she – naturally – had no book to refer to when comparing signs and symbols. She was suddenly reminded of her Study of Ancient Runes N.E.W.T, but even that had been easier than this … At least with runes, their translations were not subjective …

At last, after turning the cup this way and that (she was glad to not have Moran as a _real_ fortune-seeker, as everything about him was proving immensely difficult to read) (F/N) thought she could make out a shape in the dregs. Before she could tell Moran and the examiner what she had seen, however, the darkened room flashed white before her eyes. Startled and dazed, (F/N) dropped the teacup back onto its saucer, where it clinked and rattled, and its handle snapped off. She tried to apologise, but it was no good … Her voice seemed not to work.

Then, as suddenly as the room had whited out, (F/N) saw a scene unfolding before her, as if she were in another place entirely. This new room was cold – perhaps because the front door was open – but as dimly-lit as Moran’s classroom. Then, almost as if she had been standing outside her body, she was sucked back into it and she was fighting as she had never fought before. Disoriented because none of this story seemed to be playing out in chronological sequence, (F/N) was hardly able to make any sense of it at all. Almost as if the dream was listening, an image of her attacker was thrown up in front of her, and she felt her blood run cold.

Lord Voldemort stood before her, tall and terrible, pale as a corpse and with eyes the exact nauseating, sanguine hue of blood. He fired spell after spell at her, but none of them produced the sickly green light the papers all attributed to his favourite curse. (F/N) deflected them as if Voldemort had trained her himself, and she knew what to expect. What, then, was this horrific pain coursing through her veins? Was this the Cruciatus Curse? She chanced a look at her body and saw no physical injuries … then she noticed how her scars were glowing as though hot coals burned underneath. The answers to her questions all flooded into her mind as though someone were speaking them aloud to her; she dared glance to the side and doubled over in agony as she saw the limp hand of a friend – she did not know who they were; she couldn’t see the rest of their body in her dreamlike state – and, knowing they had been killed by the darkest of Dark wizards, (F/N) felt the heartache and anger rise up as though it was the first time … which of course it was … but it wasn’t … ‘Dream (F/N)’ had already seen them die …

She immediately knew what this pain was. She was trying so hard not to release too much power at once, power fuelled by despair, because if she let go of it all at once the house would surely collapse on top of her. Something was telling her she couldn’t do that, she simply couldn’t.

In an instant, (F/N)’s attention snapped back to Voldemort, for one of his spells had hit her at last. She wanted this premonition to end – she didn’t want to see anything more …

There was a terrible burning sensation around her neck, almost as if a blazing rope had been tied around it and was now searing through her flesh. The Dark Lord looked down upon her as though watching a fish floundering on dry land, stooped down to say something she could not hear, then swept away in a flurry of flowing black robes towards the stairs, like an avatar of Death itself.

The burning was getting worse, and her vision was blurring … Soon, (F/N) could neither see or hear anything at all, and all faded to white once more. She felt very lightheaded and weak, but even after this horrifying vision, (F/N)’s thoughts circled back to the present – how did this relate to Moran?

She lost consciousness too quickly to find out.

***

(F/N) awoke in the darkened hospital wing with a couple of fluffy pillows propped up behind her head and the sheets pulled up to her chin. She snuck a glance to the side and saw a bottle of potion sitting next to her on the bedside table, and sitting on a chair next to her bed was Lily, with her head in her hands. Sitting quietly and patiently beside her was James.

(F/N) silently moved her head to check her other side and, to her surprise, saw the other three Marauders. Sirius looked quite on-edge, and Remus looked more anxious than (F/N) had ever seen him before. Peter looked a little discomfited, as though he didn’t quite know what to do with himself. Lily must have looked up at that exact moment though, because she let out a little squeak and hopped up onto (F/N)’s bed, next to her legs.

“Oh, thank _goodness_ you’re all right!” she breathed, keeping her voice low so as not to wake Madam Pomfrey. (F/N) thought it must have been rather late. “You _are_ all right, aren’t you? Madam Pomfrey’s been treating you for the last six hours, and then I took over …”

“Thanks, Lil …” said (F/N), shuffling beneath the bedclothes so that she could sit up.

“No, you need to lie down and rest …!”

“Why? What happened to me? Why am I here?”

Lily stopped for a moment and bit her lip nervously. She glanced at the boys before turning back to her best friend and said, “You fainted during your Divination exam … It was the strangest thing; we were coming up from the dungeons …”

“Lil …” said James softly. “You’re babbling …”

Lily stopped to rein herself in and took a deep, steadying breath. “Well, I was just going to say, we were on our way back from checking on something with Sluggy, and we saw Moran rushing down the stairs with you in his arms …!”

“Wait … What?” (F/N) said, feeling more dazed than when she woke up. “Moran _carried_ me?”

“That’s what it looked like … Oh, the _stares_ you were getting!”

“Well, it’s not every day a student gets hauled off to the hospital wing in the arms of a teacher, is it?” said (F/N) dryly.

“No, and certainly not the one all the girls have a crush on,” said Lily in a quiet, giggly sort of way. James didn’t look very pleased. “He’d wrapped you up in his cloak …”

“Hang on, I thought that was a robe …”

“No, apparently he wears normal clothes underneath,” Lily chuckled. “Shirt and waistcoat and everything – goodness knows why he covers such smart clothes with that old cloak. He looks even taller without it on, too …”

(F/N) sniggered. “Lil, honey … Jim’s looking slightly murderous, now,” she said, using _her_ new pet name for James. She hardly heard anybody calling him that – it was either Potter or Prongs – so she had seen a gap in the market and, being much closer to him now than she had been in previous months, she had started nicknaming him and he didn’t seem to mind one bit.

“Oh, he knows there’s nothing to it,” she said lightly. “Right, sweetie?” (F/N) clearly heard the mocking tone in her voice, but it was sweet; Lily and James had become very close.

James rolled his eyes behind his glasses and tutted. “Sure,”

“I don’t suppose anyone knows what happened to my exam …?” (F/N) asked, her face suddenly falling as she remembered how she had been in the middle of her final N.E.W.T. “I bet I failed, didn’t I …?”

Lily looked at her kindly and reached out to take her hand. “If you have then no one’s heard about it. From what I gathered, Moran was planning to vouch for you. Do you suppose he knows something the rest of us don’t?”

“I wouldn’t put it past him …” said (F/N) quietly, recalling the strange event she had seen in the professor’s past. It was nice to hear that he would potentially vouch for her, but she couldn’t push down the sickening feeling that this wasn’t going to go her way, and she no longer had the energy to try and foresee the end result …

(F/N) sighed. “Thank you all for coming to see me,” she said, forcing herself to think about anything but her inevitable failing grade. “I really appreciate it,”

“Anything for you, (F/N),” said Lily softly, squeezing her hand. “We were all beside ourselves when we saw you getting carried off. Wondered what the hell had happened …”

“Speaking of which …” said James gently. “What the hell _did_ happen?”

(F/N) was about to answer then immediately stopped herself. She thought back to the awful vision she’d had, running it through her head as though it were a videotape being played on fast-forward. When she realised what it had all meant, (F/N) thought better of telling her friends the whole truth. It would frighten them, surely.

Besides … How on earth was she meant to tell them that she’d foreseen her own death? For that was what that scene had been about, and she knew it. It wasn’t exactly a normal topic of conversation, and therefore not one she knew how to introduce.

“I was gazing into the crystal ball, then moved on to read the tealeaves, then suddenly the room whited out and I had this vision … I … can’t quite remember it all, but I guess that was what made me faint,” (F/N) half-lied. She glanced around at the people surrounding her, hoping they believed her.

“Must have been one doozy of a daydream,” said Sirius quietly, jarring (F/N) in a way she hadn’t expected. They hadn’t spoken – not properly – since their ‘encounter’ in the Prefects’ bathroom, and (F/N) felt strangely soothed by his voice.

(F/N) allowed herself a small smile at his comment. “I guess you could say that,” she agreed, in an equally hushed tone. Sirius smiled at her, making his grey eyes glitter.

The group chatted a while longer, making sure to keep their voices down so as not to rouse Madam Pomfrey – Merlin knew that if she caught them loitering _still_ , the fallout would be worse than if it had been Madam Pince catching them talking in the library. Madam Pomfrey was far more protective of her charges than Madam Pince could ever be of her books, and that was saying something.

After what seemed like a good, cheerful hour, Peter failed to stifle a yawn. (F/N) gave him a kind smile. “It’s okay, you know. You don’t all have to stick around if you’re tired …”

Naturally, Lily was the first to protest. “Don’t be silly! _One_ of us will stay, at least. I hereby nominate myself,”

(F/N) chuckled softly. “Don’t _you_ be silly,” she said. “Go to bed; I’ll be fine. I fell off my chair, not the Astronomy Tower,”

“You passed out for six hours,” Lily pointed out. “Sirius was right – it must have been a doozy of a daydream to knock you out like that,”

(F/N) nodded her head from side to side as though considering the possibility that Lily was correct about that. Still, she thought, it was best if her friends managed to get at least a little bit of sleep that night. “Really,” she said. “I insist. I’ll catch up with you all tomorrow,”

“If Madam Pomfrey lets you go,” said Remus gently. (F/N) glanced over at him and saw his mouth twisted in an amused little smile. She grinned back.

“Oh, she’ll let me go,” said (F/N) confidently. “I’ll be right as rain by dawn,”

“You’d better be, or you’ll have me to answer to,” said Lily playfully, standing up and moving over to pull (F/N) into a hug, which mostly consisted of (F/N) having her head squeezed between Lily’s arms and held against her body. “Get some more sleep, okay? And don’t forget your potion if you need it,”

“Yes, Mum,”

Lily giggled and swatted the side of (F/N)’s head. “See you in a few hours,” she said and, taking James’ outstretched hand, she began to lead the way out of the hospital wing. James grinned and waved with his free hand, a gesture that (F/N) returned. Peter scurried after him and, unsure of how to bid a simple ‘see you later’, he half-waved, half-flapped at her and ran off. (F/N) grinned; he truly was as awkward as he had ever been.

Remus and Sirius rose from their chairs and stowed them neatly where they’d found them. The former bade (F/N) a rather courteous goodnight, and his eyes and smile lingered warmly on her a fraction of a second longer. Sirius, on the other hand, looked slightly awkward himself. He looked at her, then the window above her head, then at the potion on the bedside table, then the floor …

“Keep moving your eyes around like that and they’re going to fall out,” (F/N) quipped.

Sirius looked her straight in the eyes and smirked. “Very funny,” he said. “Just … get better, all right?”

“… Okay,”

Sirius left, and (F/N) watched him go. There was a light fluttering sensation in her chest as she replayed his last, soft words to her that evening. They were quite … tender, in the way they sounded. When the ward had fallen silent once more, for there was nobody else in any of the other beds, (F/N) huddled back under the bedsheets and rolled onto her side, facing away from the main door. It was mid-June, but the hospital wing was surprisingly cold at night, and (F/N) felt it more keenly than ever for being alone. She fell asleep slowly, watching the light amount of dust swirling in the beam of moonlight shining on the floor next to her bed, and fighting the temptation to think back to the reason she was in the hospital wing at all.

If she had fainted, and the scene she watched unfold had been the thing to make her do so … Had she made a prophecy? She knew it was possible for prophecies to be made … unknowingly, but she wasn’t _that_ good a seer. Was she?

When her mind eventually wandered back to what she had seen, she knew immediately that she had fallen asleep. Worse than that, though, she couldn’t wake up again. It felt as though something was forcing her to stay there and watch, over and over, as she struggled to contain her emotions over her friend’s death, and as she watched her own life end at Voldemort’s hands.

She awoke with a start to find sunlight streaming through the windows instead of moonlight, gasping and feeling as though she were about to throw up. Madam Pomfrey was at her bedside in a second, clucking and bustling around, checking her temperature and her pillows and giving her more potion. Eventually (F/N) calmed down, and her symptoms were few enough that the matron thought she would be able to go back to normal school life … Or at least enjoy her final week at Hogwarts.

It hit her like a runaway train. There was only one week left. The following Friday, she and her friends would be leaving this place – their home for seven years – forever. Madam Pomfrey must have seen the look on her face because she smiled gently and patted her knee.

“It’s all right, dear. A lot of students end up with the same expression on their faces,” she said with a small chuckle. “You’ll be just fine, though. I’ve also heard rumours of a few parties and such that are going to be held this week … Perhaps you should look into them,”

She smiled as she gathered up (F/N)’s drinking glass and the potion before leaving her to her own devices. (F/N) leaned forward after watching Madam Pomfrey go, and looked around for the clock. If she got dressed quickly, she would make it to breakfast with everyone else. So she did and, just before leaving the hospital wing for what she knew would be the last time (unless someone damaged her before they departed Hogwarts for good), she conjured a simple vase and a spray of irises, just as she had conjured an iris for McGonagall two years prior. She left them on the bedside table, knowing the flowers would last, for she remembered how her gift to McGonagall still sat in a little vase atop the desk in her classroom. It had survived so long that it had simply become a pretty part of the furniture.

(F/N) left and, concerned that she would start feeling nostalgic over the hospital wing in addition to the numerous other parts of the castle she loved, refused to look back over her shoulder. She made straight for the Great Hall and was relieved to see very few people there. Among them, however, sitting at the High Table by himself, was Professor Moran. His eyes fell on her immediately and, even at this distance, (F/N) could see him smiling. She blushed slightly as she made her way towards the Gryffindor table, debating whether or not to approach him and thank him for carrying her to the hospital wing …

She needn’t have worried. Moran rose gracefully from his seat, almost as if elevated on a cloud or bubble, and swept over to her instead.

“Miss Castor …” he said gently, so as not to draw further attention from the few other students in the hall. “It is good to see you out and about again. How are you feeling?”

(F/N) did her best to give him a convincing smile. “Fine, thank you, Professor,” she said. “Thank you for bringing me to Madam Pomfrey … Lily told me,”

He smiled again, more serenely than she had ever seen him smile before, almost as if it had been his pleasure to do so. “You are most welcome, my dear. We couldn’t very well leave you on the floor, could we?” he said with a light chuckle. (F/N) couldn’t help a genuine smile.

“I fell onto the floor?” she asked.

Moran glanced away for a moment and nodded, sighing through his smile. “You did. I’ve seen some things in my time, Miss Castor, so many things borne of the mysteries of Divination, but very few people with the Gift have surprised me with such a prophecy, and at such a young age, too …”

“Wait, I really did make a prophecy?” (F/N) asked, feeling very stupid indeed by this point. She had so many questions to everything Moran said, she thought she must sound like a complete and utter know-nothing.

Moran smiled, yet again, but this time he seemed positively delighted. “But of course,” he said cheerfully. “I might add as well that the examiner – although concerned for your welfare – was extremely impressed with the ability you displayed,”

(F/N) smiled weakly. “I didn’t answer the question though, did I?” she said, unable to keep the glumness out of her voice. “I’m guessing the whole exam went out of the window …”

“I’m not supposed to tell you this, but I can assure you that you have _more_ than passed your exam,” said Moran, with a knowing glint in his crystalline eyes. Then, almost as if he had remembered something that haunted him, his expression fell. In a softer voice than usual – because more students were filtering into the hall – he said, “I don’t suppose you remember what you told us … About the prophecy, I mean,”

(F/N) shook her head. She’d suspected, but hadn’t even known she’d _made_ a prophecy before he told her, let alone the details of it. Of course, she’d seen the vision, she’d seen herself die, but she had no idea what she’d actually said on the matter. How did any of it relate to Moran – how did it relate to anyone but her? And Voldemort, of course …

“Well, I can confirm that it _does_ relate to my future, so you answered the question perfectly … I looked into it, and assured the examiner that you were right,” said Moran. (F/N) could not fail to miss the sadness in his voice and eyes. Even the smile he attempted to give her was sad. He knew what she’d seen. (F/N) smiled at him, though.

“So … You’re sure I haven’t failed?”

Moran’s expression brightened again. “With all that you’ve seen, and all that you know, the fact that your success or failure is what concerns you is astounding … and quite admirable,” he said fondly. “But yes, I am sure you haven’t failed, as I said,”

(F/N) grinned and felt warmth flowing back into her body, as though someone had reheated her blood. “Thank you, Professor,” she said, feeling as though a great weight had lifted from her shoulders. “I think, though, that focusing on what’s going on, here and now, is what’s best … There’s no point dwelling on what will inevitably come to pass. You can’t change the future, can you?”

To her surprise, Moran appeared to be considering the possibility. “You know …” he said at length. “Just because no one has done something, or you haven’t heard of anyone doing it, doesn’t make that thing impossible,”

(F/N) cocked her head at him, like a puppy trying to understand her master. “What do you mean?”

“Well … Take, for instance, the knowledge that no magic can bring the dead back to life,” he said. “Just because no one has truly brought the dead back to life, does not mean that it is not possible …”

“But you’ve got Inferi, and creatures like that …”

“Yes, but we’re talking about _true_ resurrection. They say it’s impossible, but how do they know?” said Moran. “The same can be said for ‘changing the future’. I don’t know of anyone who managed it, or knows how to do so, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be done. It doesn’t mean _you_ can’t do it,”

“Do you really believe that, sir?”

Moran smiled again, just as serenely as before. “I do. So do not lose hope, Miss Castor. You are capable of more than you think,”

With that, he gracefully took his leave. There was no need for goodbye, for the way he finished the conversation had been so smooth that it would have been unnecessary. (F/N) simply watched him go as more students filed into the room for breakfast, before setting about getting some food and mulling his words over, again and again, in her buzzing mind. She was so lost in thought, it took Lily, James and the others a good few calls of her name to get her to look up.


	42. Chapter 42

“If you ask me again whether your bum looks big in that dress I’m gonna cast Engorgio on it,”

Lily huffed and tutted and tried to pull the hem of her skirt down a bit more, as though it constantly threatened to ride up of its own accord. (F/N) sighed; if she had told her best friend once, she had told her a thousand times in the last hour alone: her skirt was not skin-tight – in fact, it was flared – so it would not ride up if she moved.

“I’m just worried that it’s … you know …”

(F/N) looked at Lily’s reflection in the standing mirror because she was sitting on her bed behind her, and shrugged; no, she didn’t know what she meant.

“ _Too much,_ ” said Lily exasperatedly. “I mean, look at you! Your outfit is beautiful; it’s classy and doesn’t scream ‘look at me!’, but oh _Merlin_ they’re going to look! Stare, even …”

(F/N) smiled. She felt better for hearing that, although she didn’t really _want_ people to look. There would be a party tonight, the first of a few in the lead-up to the end of their time at Hogwarts. Tonight was a party in the common room, for all of the Gryffindors to attend – even the younger years, if they so wished. (F/N) was sure the same could be said for the other houses, too, but Gryffindor was, all-round, very close-knit, and the seventh-years knew there would be students below them who would want to have one last shindig with them before they left the castle for good that summer.

The following evening there would be a traditional Slug Club party, with students from all years, but Slughorn always added a bit of flair to the last party of the school year, as there were always seventh-years among his favourites who would be departing. Finally, on the last night, there would be a party in the Room of Requirement (somebody _else_ had discovered it, and disclosed its location to everyone in their year), for all of the seventh-years to attend. (F/N) was rather looking forward to it all.

She glanced over at her outfit, lying on her bed. It consisted of black bell bottom jeans which were quite snug around her thighs and a pretty, white lace peplum top with no sleeves. She had decided a few nights ago that she would no longer try to hide the marks on her body, and would instead wear them as though they were beautiful adornments. It had actually been Remus who inspired her to sport them proudly because, with his condition, he had acquired a great many scars himself, some of them on his face, and he therefore could not hide them. While he was not proud of them himself, it had given (F/N) the courage to embrace her own in a way she had not since they first branched across her skin.

Finally, when she’d broken out of her daydream, (F/N) got dressed and did her hair and makeup. As they would only be in the common room tonight, it wouldn’t be necessary to dress up _too_ much … But other people were, so it would be nice to join in. Just as she was wondering what would happen that evening – she couldn’t deny that she had been thinking of a certain someone nearly all day – another thought sprung to mind: would anyone bring up her prophecy? It was no secret that she’d passed out in her Divination N.E.W.T, and that she’d spent some time in the hospital wing as a result. People had seen Moran taking her there too, and people had also seen McGonagall, Slughorn, Dumbledore … All of them stopping by wherever she happened to be to check that she was all right and recovering well. She was grateful, of course, but there were a _lot_ of nosy witches and wizards in this school …

Lily huffed again and (F/N) turned to look at her, just as she slipped on a pair of nice, white court shoes to match her top. “What’s up?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

Lily tweaked the skirt of her dress again, turning this way and that as though her reflection would somehow morph into something else. “Well …” she said at last, in a very quiet voice. “I’m certainly no Veela …”

(F/N) frowned at Lily’s glum reflection and quickly rummaged in her trunk for something … _Aha!_ She pulled out a second pair of jeans, ones she also saved for special occasions (they were just like hers, but white), and threw them onto Lily’s bed before delving into Lily’s trunk, digging through her best friend’s clothes for a top she’d seen her wear around Christmas time.

“What are you doing?” Lily asked tentatively, turning away from the mirror.

(F/N) let out a small cheer as she found what she was looking for: A beautiful, glittery blue top. It was basically a t-shirt, but much more glamorous for all its sequins. She spun on her heels and marched over to Lily with determination in her eyes.

“So … I take it I’m getting changed?” Lily said with a smirk.

“Yep,” said (F/N). “Off with that dress. You look beautiful, but I’m not having my best girl feeling self-conscious all night,”

Lily grinned. (F/N) always knew how to make her feel better – she liked to think she knew how to make (F/N) feel better, too – so all of her reservations suddenly evaporated. She unzipped the side of her dress and shimmied out of it, taking the glitzy top from (F/N) while she went to fetch the white jeans. Once they were on too, (F/N) set about enchanting Lily’s normal ‘party shoes’ to be the same, shimmering colour as her top and used her magic to charm Lily’s long, red hair into a long, red braid, and draped it over her shoulder.

“There!” said (F/N) triumphantly once she had finished. “What do you think?”

Lily turned to look at herself in the mirror once more, and now she was quiet as she turned to look at herself at different angles. A small smile crept onto her face.

“D’you like it?” (F/N) pressed eagerly, coming up behind Lily and resting her chin on her shoulder.

Lily giggled. “I love it … Thank you!” she said, spinning around to hug her best friend.

“Heh … Good,” (F/N) chuckled. “Shall we make a move, then? They’ll think we got lost,”

Lily laughed. “Okay, let’s go,” Just as they reached the door, though, Lily stopped suddenly.

“You okay?” asked (F/N), suddenly nervous. She wasn’t going to back out, was she?

“Are you _sure_ my bum doesn’t look big?”

(F/N) laughed. “Get out,”

The girls laughed all the way downstairs and were only stopped by the music blaring out across the common room. It really ought to have been quieter, given the size of the room, but the atmosphere was livelier than ever (which was saying something, given this was Gryffindor Tower) and the girls were instantly drawn in. (F/N) immediately spotted Haydn, standing nearly an entire head taller than everyone else, and who winked at her when he saw her enter. She smiled, thinking to herself that he had gained a wonderful amount of confidence in his time at Hogwarts.

As she and Lily mingled with the crowd, they came across a few people from different years but mostly students from their own: Cathy, Julie, Evelyn and Sylvie were all standing together by the window, chatting happily away, while Haydn stood with a drink in hand joking with Faizan Khan and a boy called Julian Spence, with whom (F/N) had actually spoken on very few occasions over the years – he was well-known for being very nice, though, on the whole.

A lot of raucous laughter kept erupting from a particular area, and Lily took (F/N) by the hand and pulled her in that direction, weaving between the people standing and dancing, or talking and laughing together. When they came out on the other side of a particularly dense crowd, James, Sirius, Remus and Peter all looked up and smiled at the girls. Peter seemed anxious as usual, but, (F/N) thought, at least he felt comfortable enough to give them a smile. James immediately went to Lily and pulled her into a warm embrace, which she returned readily.

“You two look nice,” said James, with a very genuine smile of his own.

“Thank you,” said Lily, while (F/N) tried not to blush at the fact that Sirius nodded along with James’ compliment, never taking his eyes off (F/N) as he did so. “So do you,”

(F/N) tried to nod as well, to return the compliment as best she could. Glancing around, she noticed that the boys were all wearing smart-casual shirts and jeans which, in her humble opinion, suited them very nicely. Sirius, in particular, looked more dashing than usual and (F/N) felt a distinct and familiar warmth spreading through her limbs, intensifying with every second he looked at her. Even when he wasn’t looking, (F/N) could scarcely concentrate on the conversation for being acutely aware of the fact that, while Sirius’ eyes were no longer fixed on her, his attention somehow remained. She was in exactly the same position.

To Sirius, though, (F/N) appeared perfectly calm. He felt he was trying very hard to maintain a composed exterior, with every fibre of his being straining against the desire to pull her to him and kiss her and show _everyone_ how he felt. He restrained himself, though, finding himself unsure of her own feelings. As Remus, James, Lily and (F/N) all chatted away, bobbing every now and then to the music, Sirius tugged on Peter’s sleeve and motioned for him to follow him to the long table at the side of the room, where refreshments had been laid out. He didn’t _need_ the help, but he did need some company.

“What’s up?” said Peter.

“Help me bring some drinks over?” Sirius replied. He instantly regretted the tremor and higher-pitched inflection in his voice.

“You’re not _nervous_ , are you, Pads?” said Peter, grabbing three cups and filling them with punch. Some jammy person had managed to ‘procure’ firewhisky, red currant rum, and chocolate liqueur among other beverages, some of which had been used to make a very nice, fruity, alcoholic punch.

“Of course not,” said Sirius hurriedly, filling three of his own. “Why would I be?”

He wished he hadn’t asked.

“Because you like (F/N),” Peter replied simply, shrugging his shoulders. He awkwardly picked up his three cups, one in each hand and the third sandwiched precariously in the centre. “Why don’t you just ask her out properly?”

Sirius sighed quietly to himself, levitating one cup and picking up the other two. As he moved, the floating cup followed. _“Yeah,”_ he thought cynically. _“Why don’t I ask her out properly?”_

The short answer was because he didn’t think she wanted that. But sometimes he would catch her looking at him, and his hopes would soar all over again …

When they returned to the group, Peter gave James and Remus a cup each while Sirius offered the two he was holding to Lily and (F/N). “Ladies,” he said, handing them over before plucking the floating one out of the air and claiming it for himself. He winked at (F/N) over the rim and delighted in watching her fidget, and fight the urge to grin.

“Thank you,” she said softly. Lily also thanked him, smiling brightly all the while.

“Well, we can’t have our girls going thirsty, can we?” he said. Lily laughed and leaned affectionately into James. This time, (F/N)’s face broke into a sweet smile but Sirius could tell she wasn’t completely sold – her eyes glittered playfully, as though she suspected an ulterior motive. “What?” Sirius asked indignantly, but grinning at her all the same.

“Oh, nothing. I’m just wondering what I owe _you_ in exchange,” said (F/N) smoothly.

Sirius grinned into his cup, unable to maintain eye contact. When he finally gathered himself he smirked at her and said, “You don’t owe me anything, but I wouldn’t say no to a dance when you’ve finished,”

Lily and James were highly amused to see (F/N) return Sirius’ smirk with just as much mischief, but they were used to their banter by now. “As you wish,” she said, making it seem like a most gracious gesture. She missed the look that Remus shot at Sirius, and so did he. He could only grin like a lunatic, feeling as though he had won a great victory that evening. Perhaps he was on the right track, at last.

“Splendid. Drink up,” he quipped, downing his drink in a couple of very short seconds. (F/N) gazed at him, entertained by his apparent eagerness.

“I’m getting there,” she retorted.

While this was going on, their friends watched with amusement (although Remus was considerably less amused than the others) as Sirius and (F/N) verbally jostled with each other. It was clear to the two being watched that their friends knew _something_ was going on, but both knew that their reactions would be far different to amusement if they knew what had really happened.

(F/N) did her best to drag it out, with the sole purpose of teasing Sirius. He picked up on it immediately and slowly reached out to tilt the cup towards her mouth, trying to make her drink. She smirked at him and took a small sip.

Rolling his eyes, Sirius grinned and tutted and whisked the cup away from (F/N) without even a moment’s warning. She protested indignantly, but he placed the cup on the table behind him and turned back to whisk her away just as quickly as he had her drink. With one arm around her waist, Sirius ushered (F/N) into a clear spot in the common room and swept her into a dance that perfectly matched the music playing somewhere in the background.

“Someone’s impatient,” (F/N) remarked, cocking an eyebrow and smiling like a fox.

“Can you blame me?” Sirius quipped back, spinning (F/N) around and pulling her back so that she was flush against him. He didn’t care that their friends were watching intently.

“There are a lot of things I can blame you for, Sirius Black,”

“Mm … Likewise, (F/N) Castor,”

It went on like that for several minutes before both remembered how much closer they had been at a moment in time that was not so long ago. They fell silent and matched each other’s movements to make for smooth, fluid and graceful dancing that put everyone else to shame. Of course, nobody else was dancing for quite the same reason.

When they finally stopped for another drink and a bite to eat from the snacks that had been laid out, James and Lily had taken to the dance floor themselves and Remus was chatting to Haydn, while Peter made a blundering attempt to socialise with Sylvie who humoured him, but clearly thought him no less awkward than he had been in their first year.

Sirius took a sip of his drink and glanced at (F/N), smiling as he noticed her watching the other Gryffindors dancing and laughing together. In that moment he knew that she was going to miss Hogwarts terribly, just as he was …

“Do you want to keep dancing?” he asked. She looked at him with unexpectedly soft and unguarded eyes, and a matching expression that caught him completely unawares. “I mean … You don’t have to have me weighing you down all night long … I just meant …”

(F/N) put her cup down and took him by the hand, before dragging him wordlessly out onto the dance floor again. There were more people there now, so it was harder to find a space, but that didn’t deter (F/N) because all she had to do was stand even closer to Sirius. He blushed spectacularly.

“W-what’s this all about?”

“What, you don’t like it when I’m the instigator?” (F/N) teased.

The blush receded from Sirius’ cheeks and he smiled devilishly, his grey eyes twinkling as if he’d been told a very juicy secret. “Oh, that’s not it at all,” he said, in a very reassuring tone of voice. “I just wondered why the change of heart,”

(F/N) rolled her eyes and smirked once again. It was now or never, she thought, especially with the way her confidence tended to ebb and flow when it came to Sirius. Besides, when would she get a better chance? “Because I like you, Sirius,” she said. “Honestly, I thought it’d be obvious by now,”

His eyes widened almost imperceptibly, but not so much that (F/N), at her close range, wouldn’t notice.

“You … like me? Like, _actually_ like me?”

She giggled at his sudden shyness. “Yes, I _actually_ like you,” she told him, draping her arms around his neck for the slower part of the song. “I may not agree with how you’ve behaved in the past, and some of the things you’ve done, but … You’ve shown me a different side of you these last few weeks,”

Sirius blushed hotly once more. He couldn’t seem to help it around her; no other girl had made him feel so strongly. “Well … for what it’s worth, I’m sorry for being an arse before … You know boys do stupid stuff when they want a girl to notice them,”

“Even when that girl is spoken for?” (F/N) taunted, but only gently. Sirius tried not to smile but it didn’t work.

“Yeah, well, I hated him, and I wanted you. How else was I going to behave? Sensibly?”

(F/N) laughed out loud, unable to contain the surge of amusement. Something she had always appreciated about Sirius was his ability to poke fun at himself, even if he did it to others far more frequently. “You? Sensible? I didn’t realise that was a word you knew,”

Sirius listened to her laughter as though listening to music on a summer breeze. He loved it, and loved seeing her smile. It was then that he realised it went deeper than that, and he didn’t quite know what to do with that information. Did he tell her? No, of course not, that would be daft …

The Gryffindors partied well into the night, and it was nearly two o’clock in the morning before the last few people went up to bed. The only ones left, as was so often the case, were Lily and (F/N), and the Marauders. The fireplace crackled merrily away as though throwing its own afterparty, the flames dancing away in the hearth to a song inaudible to human ears. The girls had squeezed themselves into the same armchair, almost wrapped around each other like a pair of occamies, while Sirius and James took up a sofa, Remus the other armchair, and Peter a comfy patch of carpet.

“Well … That was pretty good for the first party of the week,” said James, taking off his glasses and rubbing the lenses clean on his shirt.

“Why didn’t you just cast a cleaning spell on those?” said Lily with a chuckle.

James shrugged. “Too easy?” he said, almost as a suggestion, which made Lily snort with laughter. He grinned and gestured for her to come and join him on the sofa.

“Aw, but _we’re_ snuggling!” Lily protested, wrapping her arms around (F/N) who was already ridiculously close to her. She squashed her cheek up against hers, giving them the appearance of pouting, or sulking.

James grinned and looked at (F/N). “You wouldn’t mind if I borrowed Lily for a few minutes, would you?” he said imploringly. He even batted his eyelashes behind those round lenses of his, and (F/N) sighed as best she could while having her best friend’s face stuck to hers.

“You can have her when I’m finished,” (F/N) teased, hugging Lily back. It was nice to be so tactile with her best friend, but it didn’t last long, purely because they were both so uncomfortable in that position. Lily disentangled herself from the mess of limbs and made her way over to the sofa. It quickly became clear that there was only room for two people because it was really a loveseat, now that she thought about it. Sirius feigned inconvenience and gave up his seat for Lily after James poked him in the side of the head.

“Well, I don’t suppose Miss Castor might let me cosy up with her instead, would she?” Sirius joked, slinking over to where (F/N) was now curled up in the armchair by herself. She looked up at him and smirked.

“No chance,” she said.

“Oh, go on (F/N),” Lily sniggered. “You were dancing pretty close earlier on; why don’t you cuddle up?”

(F/N) glanced at Lily. She didn’t know the half of it. Sirius didn’t look completely serious about taking this chair, in fact he looked as though he was about to either perch on the arm or take to the floor like Peter. To stop him, (F/N) hopped out of her seat and offered it to him, giving him a very exaggerated bow as though offering a throne to a king.

“I didn’t mean for you to give up your seat for me, (F/N) …” said Sirius. “How very ungentlemanly of me that would be …”

“Sit your arse down,” said (F/N) pointedly. Sirius, stunned, did as he was jolly well told. He was even more stunned when (F/N) then climbed onto his lap (just off to one side so as not to be _too_ suggestive) and made a point of snuggling into him. His shock was nothing compared to the rest of the room, though.

“Whoa … _What?!”_ spluttered Lily.

“… My thoughts exactly,” said James, in a very weak attempt to maintain composure. “There _is_ something going on between you, isn’t there?!”

(F/N) looked up and turned to face Sirius. “You didn’t tell them …?” she whispered.

He gazed back with eyes so soft she thought he would cry, just from looking at her with such tenderness. “Of course not … It wasn’t my place,”

She wanted to kiss him there and then but decided that might have provoked more exclamations from their friends. She glanced around the room and registered Peter’s utter astonishment (Sirius thought that perhaps Peter believed it would take him much longer to get together with (F/N)); Lily’s glee, confusion and shock; James’ amusement and … pride? However, Remus’ expression was altogether ambiguous to her although it certainly appeared to be one of surprise, at the very least.

Sirius knew what that emotion was, though, lurking behind Remus’ eyes. He was cross. The Marauders had very rarely seen anger in their gentlest and most patient friend but when he _was_ upset … It was best not to think about it. Right now, Sirius could understand Remus’ anger, but _he_ had been the one to set the ‘friendly competition’ as a way of dealing with the frustration of having a friend who liked the same girl. (F/N) had never been anyone’s trophy, but she had been something both young men were striving for (albeit using very different methods). Now, Sirius could definitely put himself in Remus’ shoes and remembered how he had felt, when he’d thought Remus was getting too close for comfort with all the study sessions, quiet reading and thoughtful conversations …

Sirius would have been lying if he said he didn’t feel bad about it, but having (F/N) there, in his arms, hanging out with their friends after a brilliant party, was one of the best feelings he’d ever had.

“Told us what?” Lily blurted out. “Have you been seeing each other in secret?”

For once, (F/N) noted, Lily didn’t sound angry about being kept in the dark. In fact, she sounded as though she wanted all of the details, right there and then. She couldn’t tell her _everything_ , for obvious reasons, but she supposed they would all come to their own conclusions soon enough.

“No …” said (F/N) honestly. “A few weeks ago, we …”

“Had a bit of a snog,” Sirius interjected helpfully, sparing (F/N) the awkwardness of having to think of a lie on the spot, or even telling the whole truth.

“Oh, Pads …” said James, like a mother scolding a naughty child. “If you’re going to lie, at least do it convincingly,”

Sirius fixed James with a hard stare, glancing briefly at Remus. James got the hint, but he’d said too much already. (F/N) hadn’t noticed, but Remus looked ready to hex someone into next week and Peter looked giddy with all of the new information coming to light. He didn’t look as though he knew what to do or say.

“So!” said Lily, piercing the atmosphere like a pin to a balloon. “Does this mean you two are … you know. Official?”

Clearly, Sirius thought, no one had any idea of how to stop making this awkward. At this point he thought Remus might kill him in his sleep. He _had_ liked (F/N) for years, he remembered. Still, he reminded himself for the hundredth time … _Remus_ had playfully said “may the best man win” when they started all this competitive nonsense …

(F/N) looked at Sirius and said, “Oh, I don’t know … Are we?”

Sirius smirked. “Do you _want_ to be official?” he asked. Every inch of his body and soul was screaming; he wanted her to say yes so badly, and he was so close now … Would she say no, when she’d already said she liked him, and when she was acting as though she did indeed want to be with him?

“What do you think?” (F/N) sniggered.

“I think … someone’s skirting around the issue,” Sirius said with a grin. “Well … put it this way: I would very much like to go out with you. You?”

“Well, I don’t want to go out with myself, but I wouldn’t mind going out with you,”

“Why do you always twist what I say?” Sirius growled. His eyes still shone with delight. “So is that a yes?”

“You haven’t asked me anything,”

“I asked if you wanted to be official …”

“And I answered,”

“With a question!”

“So?”

Sirius threw his head back onto the headrest and stared at the ceiling. “Merlin’s _pants_ … Are you always going to be this difficult?”

“Putting you off, am I?” (F/N) chuckled.

Sirius brought his head back up and stared at her. “No bloody way. Fine, have it your way. (F/N) Castor …” he said grandly. “Will you do me the absolutely _splendiferous_ honour of being my girlfriend?”

(F/N) tried not to laugh as she replied, “Why yes, Sirius Black, I believe I will,”

“Woo!” Lily burst from the other side of the room. “ _Finally!”_

“Yeah, took you bloody long enough,” said James, with a wide grin. “Hey Lil, now we can double date like you’ve been suggesting for the past year,”

“Oh, it hasn’t been _quite_ that long, has it?” said Lily crossly. The crossness faded instantly though, and was replaced by the same joy that graced her features moments earlier. “But yes, we can!” James shot (F/N) and Sirius a look over Lily’s shoulder that said, “ _Yes, she has been talking about it all year”_.

Sirius couldn’t have been happier with the outcome of this night but, while he would have loved to kiss his new girlfriend and absolutely forbid her to go back to her dorm, he was still acutely aware of Remus’ wrathful attention on him. Eventually, though, Remus got up and muttered – in a voice that sounded sleepy enough to be convincing – that he was tired and was going to bed. Peter, feeling as though he had somehow outstayed his welcome, also took his leave and scurried off after Remus.

James and Sirius shared a look that quite plainly indicated the awkwardness of the situation, but neither of the girls seemed aware of it (which was probably just as well – this was for Sirius and Remus to sort out between themselves). The couples’ talking dropped to a very low volume, although nobody would be able to hear them from the dormitories, and they continued their conversation into the night. Eventually, Lily started to yawn, and it became very obvious that the day’s excitement had overtaken her. She got up, waved goodnight, and told (F/N) she would see her in the morning.

James sat there a moment longer, watching Lily go, before finally standing up himself and unnecessarily straightening his shirt. “Well, lovebirds … I’m going to love you and leave you. See you tomorrow,” he said, winking as he turned. “Hopefully you’ll sleep in your own beds tonight and not down here …”

“Shut up, Prongs …” Sirius grumbled, wishing he had something to throw at the smug git. James laughed as he walked away, nearly skipping up the stairs to his room. When he was gone, and the common room was completely silent but for the crackling of the dying fire, Sirius gently stroked (F/N)’s arm to get her attention.

“We’re finally alone,” said (F/N), in a completely exaggerated and dramatic voice. Sirius smirked and pulled her deeper into his lap.

“I never realised we had almost the same sense of humour,” he said gently, glancing between her lips and eyes and generally admiring her in a way he had so far been unable.

“Well, sometimes the ‘drama queen’ persona can be quite funny,” (F/N) purred, getting very close and planting a very soft kiss on his lips.

“I’m not _that_ dramatic,” he growled, kissing her again and nipping her lower lip.

Giggling, (F/N) pulled away and climbed out of his lap, moving to sit on the sofa instead. “Really? This again?”

“What?” Sirius chuckled, switching furniture as well and crawling towards (F/N).

“That would have been the second time I found myself in your lap,”

“Aw, what’s wrong with that?” said Sirius. “I could’ve _sworn_ you liked it …”

(F/N) swatted him playfully and tucked a lock of his effortlessly stylish black hair behind his ear. “You know damn well …”

Sirius cupped (F/N)’s face, supporting her neck at the same time, and kissed her passionately. A few exhilarating seconds later he pulled back, breathless, and rested his forehead against hers. “I did wonder …” he said quietly.

“About what?”

“Whether you actually liked me,”

(F/N) kissed him again. “If I didn’t like you, you’d know about it,”

Sirius grinned and pushed her down so that she was firmly underneath him. “Well, you seemed pretty intent on keeping me at bay before,”

“Yeah, because you were a right pain in the arse. I didn’t want to make it too easy when I finally came around to you,”

Sirius seized her lips again, kissing them over and over until they were deep red and swollen. “I’ve earned my prize then, I’d say …” he whispered. “After everything you put me through, after all …”

“You sure know how to push your luck, don’t you?”

Sirius kissed her again in a manner that told her to shut up – in the sweetest possible way. They stayed like that for some time, kissing each other and letting their hands wander to familiar places, roving over recognisable curves and features they loved. Feeling as though he might get a bit carried away if they kept this up, Sirius pulled away and sat up, leaning back on his heels.

“We probably shouldn’t do it _here,_ ” he said sensibly. (F/N) cocked an eyebrow at him but smiled.

“You’re right,” she said. “Maybe another time … Somewhere else,”

“Maybe not the Prefects’ bathroom though, hm?”

(F/N) laughed. “As if we’d get another chance this close to the end of term,” she said. “Besides, I think the others are wise to it now. I don’t think they even believe it was an accident,”

Sirius chuckled – a low, deep sound that made (F/N)’s spine tingle. “Well, nothing was made explicit,” he said craftily. “Let them think what they like,”

(F/N) grinned and swung her legs off the sofa. “There are going to be so many girls who hate me when this gets out tomorrow,” she said. “Do you know how many people have wanted to go out with you since … forever?”

Sirius smirked but shuffled closer, nuzzling in to kiss her neck. “I don’t care about them,” he said. “I care about _you._ Anyway, it’s not like you’re the only one who’s going to be hated. I’m due all sorts of grief from people now that we’re together,”

“Don’t be silly,” said (F/N). “No one’s going to be jealous of you for going out with me,”

Sirius snorted. “ _Don’t be silly,_ she says. Um, _you_ might not have noticed all your adoring fans, but I have,”

(F/N) also made a contemptuous little noise and rolled her eyes. “If you’re talking about that Lockhart kid again …”

“No, not him – although he could be considered one of them,” said Sirius, with a devilish twinkle in his eye. (F/N) knew he was teasing. “Seriously though, you have a lot of admirers. I’m sure to have a few of them flipping me off behind my back …”

(F/N) laughed, finding the image of people abusing Sirius to the back of his head very amusing. Of course, she wouldn’t like to find out someone _had_ done it, because she would then feel obligated to have a word with them …

Sirius smiled softly at her, watching the way the corners of her eyes creased as she laughed. He loved everything about her laugh, from the sound to the way her face changed, but most of all he loved that it meant she was happy. He caught himself, realising he’d never felt that way before. He felt quite sure, though, that it had something to do with (F/N) herself … He hadn’t been the only one to notice over the years how she appeared to have a very soothing presence. She seemed to radiate positive energy, and anyone nearby could bask in it, provided they weren’t her enemy, of course.

Sirius was quick to put those thoughts back in the box they came from, somewhere deep and safe in his mind. He turned his attention back to the beautiful girl sitting next to him, and finally accepted the night’s fate.

“We should probably head up …” he said quietly. (F/N) could hear in his voice that he didn’t really want to go. “Otherwise they’ll all think we’re up to no good down here,” he added with a wink.

“You’re always up to no good, Sirius,” said (F/N), standing up and smoothing her top. She didn’t want to look dishevelled, after all, especially not if Lily was still awake and already suspicious (albeit in a good way).

Sirius laughed and stood up too, making his way to the stairs to the boys’ dormitories. “I know. But you’re no angel, (F/N). I think that’s why we make a good couple,”

(F/N) smiled, but mostly to herself. She knew she’d had her share of mischief in her time at Hogwarts, but she certainly got away with more than Sirius ever did. Then again, Sirius had been _far_ more badly behaved than her, so she supposed the number of times she’d been bad and got caught was more or less equal to the number of times Sirius had, comparatively.

The new couple said their goodnights and parted ways. Both knew they were headed to dormitories that would be buzzing with chatter, and that no one would actually be asleep. Of course, the other girls in (F/N)’s room probably _had_ been asleep before Lily got there, but since Lily had been excited by the news when she left the common room, (F/N) surmised that she probably hadn’t calmed down at all by the time she got to bed and had probably woken the others up. Sirius, on the other hand, knew that James and Peter would still be up, and so would Remus, but whether the latter would join in any conversation was anyone’s guess. Sirius figured Remus would probably just pretend to be asleep, and not say anything at all. In fact, he strongly suspected that he wouldn’t hear a peep out of him for the next few days.

Sure enough, they both returned to their respective dormitories to find their friends waiting up for them, and they continued to chat into the night. After only a couple of hours of sleep, they were all very tired at breakfast but Sirius, at least, seemed to perk up at all the attention their table was getting. Not only was the star of the Gryffindor Quidditch team dating one of the most popular girls in their year but now, thought Sirius, the other most sought-after girl in their year was taken again as well.

There were several things that pleased him where his new relationship was concerned. First, of course, there was the relationship itself – he couldn’t have been happier. Second was all the good attention they were getting. He’d had about eight people come up to him alone, either punching him on the shoulder or giving him the thumbs-up. Contrary to (F/N)’s beliefs, there hadn’t been any girls giving her grief so far and those who had been jealous expressed their envy by mock-sulking, but always with a smile on their faces a moment later.

The third thing, Sirius considered, was the _negative_ attention. He could tell in an instant who didn’t like the fact that he and (F/N) were now an item. Lockhart, for example, because he had been forcibly ejected from ‘the running’ (as if anyone as arrogant as him would make it into (F/N)’s good books, Sirius thought smugly). Another example would definitely be Snape, though. Sirius genuinely hadn’t _meant_ to put his arm around (F/N) at breakfast to show off. In honesty, he hadn’t even noticed Regulus glaring across the room at him, wondering (as usual) whether Sirius’ choice of companion was of suitable blood status. So he _certainly_ hadn’t been aware of Snape and his friends, and the look of pure darkness he was giving him.

When Sirius _did_ notice, he couldn’t very well lie and say he felt remorseful or guilty in any way. In his mind, Snape had hurt (F/N). Badly. Sirius would not be made to feel like a usurper or a thief for being with the girl they both liked. So, their seven-year-long rivalry being what it was, Sirius took great satisfaction from Snape’s apparent anger and hatred of him. He would do nothing to inflame him further – he wouldn’t even smirk – but every time he caught him looking he would chalk another point up for himself. He just hoped that (F/N) wouldn’t notice, and hoped that if she already had then she wouldn’t care.

The truth was, (F/N) _had_ noticed, and she _did_ feel bad, but not nearly as bad as she’d felt the day she overheard Severus’ conversation with Avery and Mulciber. She was torn, of course, but Sirius had made her happy again. Yes, she thought, she may have lost a friend of several years, one who had been hard to win over in the first place, but she had gained another. Perhaps, she thought, if she crossed paths with Severus again in the future and their differences were no longer as great as they had once been, they could be friends again.

She was not, after all, the sort to turn her back on a good person, however misguided they were.

That evening, she and Lily prepared to meet James and Sirius so that they could all go to their final Slug Club party. While the boys had been invited on their own merits in previous years (James, for example, had been invited several times that year for being Head Boy alone), this time it was actually because of the girls that they were able to attend. Always favourites of the old Slytherin Potions Master, Slughorn himself liked to remind everyone, (F/N) Castor and Lily Evans were like VIPs at his little ‘events’.

(F/N) was unsurprised to see that, while he had been invited because of his spectacular prowess in Potions, Severus was not in attendance that night. Avery was, though, and had brought Linda Sheehan with him. She sneered as always, but Avery was a closed book. Probably, (F/N) thought from the other side of the room, plotting something big as his first foray into the big, wide world in a couple of days …

In spite of those less-than-favourable fellow guests, the night was a fine one and Slughorn was able to say a (nearly tearful) farewell to his ‘best pupils’ – Lily and (F/N) glanced at each other, knowing full-well that Slughorn would have plenty of other ‘best students’ in the future. The kind sentiment was not lost on them though, for both girls were fond of the old professor.

After the night’s feasting and dancing were over, everyone slowly made their way back to their rooms, full of good food and high spirits. James walked with his arm around Lily’s waist, whereas Sirius and (F/N) opted for holding hands – a nice, simple and affectionate gesture that suited them both perfectly, although Sirius had to admit that having his arm around (F/N) would have been lovely as well.

The Fat Lady let them in that night without the password – “the Head Girl and Boy and their friends would surely not be playing any pranks”, she said – and they sat around chatting for the rest of the evening as the other Gryffindors slowly filtered through the room, heading for bed as some of them still had school in the morning. (F/N) watched the younger ones go with a wistfulness that her friends found hard to miss.

“Hey …” said Lily gently. “We’re moving on to the next step. Just think of it that way,”

(F/N) smiled but her eyes were still sad. “I’m just going to miss it, that’s all,” she said. “These have been some of the best years of my life. I can’t believe it’s nearly over,”

Sirius smiled too, because he felt exactly the same way. All of the silly pranks he’d played with his friends – and _on_ his friends; all of the sneaking around and subsequent detentions; all of the magic they’d learned and good times they’d had … All of it had been here. He knew he wouldn’t be welcome at home when he left Hogwarts for good … but he didn’t know where he would go instead. He hadn’t told (F/N), but last summer he’d stayed with James and his family. What would she make of that? They couldn’t stay at James’ _together_ – that would be taking liberties, certainly.

As it turned out, James broached the subject for Sirius. “What are you two going to do when you leave?” he asked. “You can stay with me again if you want,”

Sirius looked at his best friend with the utmost adoration and gratitude but couldn’t say a word. (F/N) turned to him in surprise.

“What does ‘again’ mean?” she asked worriedly. “Pads, don’t you live with your parents anymore?”

“Not after … Well. Not after what happened the last time I went home,” he said darkly. It seemed so long ago now, but with Regulus’ occasional confrontations it was difficult for Sirius to detach himself completely from his rude, unpleasant, fanatical relatives. “James’ parents were very, _very_ nice to me last summer, and gave me somewhere to live for those few weeks,”

If (F/N) had looked sad before, she now looked heartbroken. “Oh, Sirius …” she whispered, idly playing with his raven curls. “Sirius, I’m so sorry it came to that …”

“It’s all right,” he said, leaning across and quickly kissing her on the forehead. “I’m okay, aren’t I?”

(F/N) appeared to examine him for a moment before smirking and saying, “Yep, you’re the same smug asshole you always are,”

James and Lily laughed. Sirius laughed too and pulled (F/N) closer. He loved her. He _really_ loved her. He didn’t care where he ended up after Hogwarts, as long as he was with her.

“I’ve been thinking, (F/N) …” said Lily softly.

“A dangerous pastime,” (F/N) quipped.

Again, everyone laughed. Lily rolled her eyes as she tried again.

“Yeah, you two are going to get along just fine,” she said at last, gesturing between (F/N) and Sirius. “A real pair of jokers. Anyway, as I was saying, I was thinking that as you haven’t been able to go home this year, and it’s uncertain whether it’ll be safe for you to go back when we finish school, maybe you could come and live with me for a while,”

(F/N)’s eyes lit up and began to prickle with tears. “Oh, wow … D’you really mean that? You really wouldn’t mind? What about your parents, and your sister?”

“I’m sure my parents will be more than happy to give you somewhere to stay, and my sister … Well. She’ll just have to put up with it,”

(F/N) jumped up and rushed over to hug her best friend. “You’re the best friend ever. I hope you know that,”

“Only the best for _my_ best friend,” said Lily, squeezing her back.

It was settled. (F/N) would go back to live with Lily, at least until she got a place of her own. Sirius would live with James again for a while and would help (F/N) look for a house so that it wouldn’t just be hers, but his as well. They had only been together a day, but neither had any problem with talking about living together somewhat soon. They would have to get jobs first, of course, but at least a plan was in place.

Their last day at Hogwarts seemed to come and go even quicker than the previous ones had. It seemed like the hours had simply dwindled away while (F/N) and her friends wandered the grounds for the last time, visiting the forest to see Aeolus (who would be coming with (F/N) regardless, of course), having a cup of tea at a very tearful Hagrid’s, and walking by the lake to imprint the memory of the place in their minds. They even went up to the Owlery (Lily needed to send a letter to her parents asking if (F/N) could stay – a very last-minute letter indeed), and (F/N) spent some time with her beloved Cicero who had, for all these years, been another of her most faithful friends. She hoped he would stick around for several more.

That night, before the last party of the year (all seventh-years welcome), the entire school attended the final banquet and, as was his custom, Dumbledore bade a fond farewell to the eldest students. (F/N) was amazed, thinking back, that he had so obviously allowed her to get away with having Patty Nolan expelled three years earlier, and how she was now graduating, not having been expelled herself.

The feast, (F/N) was sure, would be branded in her mind for years to come. It was not altogether different to the others she’d sat at, but it was her last at Hogwarts and that was sure to leave an impression. All too soon the feast was over, and everyone made their way back to their dormitories and common rooms. Most of the other students had plans to pack their bags and suitcases ready for the journey home next day, and maybe get a bit of summer homework done early, but all of the seventh-years went straight back to get changed and then head out again for their party.

(F/N) was sure that it would be a good time for everyone, giving them a chance to be schoolgirls and schoolboys for one more night and do everything that entailed. She was certain there would be a few pranks, a lot of laughter and maybe even a few tears, but she knew that none of the tears would be hers because if there were people to keep in touch with, she most definitely would, and she would do whatever it took to maintain those friendships. The only sadness she would feel would be for leaving the school she had, for several years, called her home away from home and, for the last year, her home altogether.

Dressed and made-up and ready to go, (F/N) turned to the other girls who were also just about ready, and they all walked to the Room of Requirement together.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet ... and smutty.

(F/N) knew they were all going to be shattered come dawn but that hadn’t stopped her year group from having a thoroughly good time. A lot of her classmates were drunk – individual bottles of firewhisky aside, the punch that night was lethal – and there had been a great deal of bad and lively dancing alike. Now, though, (F/N) found herself slow-dancing with Sirius, her head on his chest and his cheek resting on her head in the most wonderfully affectionate way. Nearby, a few other couples danced together including, but not limited to, Haydn and Edith, and James and Lily.

“You don’t mind that I’m basically homeless, do you?” she heard Sirius mumble just above her. She pulled back and gave him a serious look.

“Of course I don’t mind,” she said resolutely. “Don’t forget I’m ‘homeless’ too,”

Sirius smiled down at her, gently tightening the arm he had around her waist. “You’ve handled your situation much better than I’ve handled mine,” he said.

(F/N) shook her head. “Our ‘situations’ are very different,” she replied. “While neither of us had any choice in the matter, we both had to find other ways of coping. You did exactly what you had to do: you survived,”

Sirius chuckled. “I just have a good friend with a good family to help me out,”

(F/N) smiled back at him. “And so do I. Without Hogwarts, I wouldn’t have had anywhere. Now, without Lily, I wouldn’t have anywhere to go from here. From Lily’s, and from James’, as long as we have each other – as long as we have friends – we will always belong somewhere,”

Sirius’ expression changed from one of gentle amusement – he was obviously trying to hide his nervousness – to something very different. (F/N) could not place what that emotion was until he leaned towards her and kissed her hotly on the lips. He stole her breath away and when he retreated she found herself gasping for air.

“Whoa … What was that for?” she asked.

Sirius smirked, trying to ignore the fact that he could see Remus glaring at him in his peripheral. A couple of days had hardly been enough time for Remus to forgive Sirius for ‘nicking his crush’, but at least he was talking to him again. “Because you’re beautiful, and even more so when you talk like that. As long as I’ve got you beside me, giving pep talks like that every now and then, I don’t think I’ll ever be sad again,”

(F/N) beamed at him and got up on the tips of her toes to kiss him again. Someone whooped at them and wolf-whistled from the other side of the room. They were duly ignored, regardless of their (probably) inoffensive intentions. When their lips parted, Sirius held her face for a couple of seconds, his forehead pressed gently against her own.

“I love you – I hope you know that …” he whispered, in a voice so husky it gave her warm chills. “I don’t care if we’ve only been together a couple of days … I just really do love you, (F/N),”

(F/N) was lost for words for being so caught up in the moment, but the second she found her voice she murmured back, “I love you too, Sirius. I think, with the world being what it is, it can never be too soon to tell someone you love them,”

Sirius kissed her yet again, much harder than before and with such enthusiasm it nearly knocked (F/N) off her feet. “I’ve already told you what hearing you talk like that does to me,” he growled. Another bruising kiss followed, and (F/N) was suddenly glad that they weren’t the only ones in the room who were kissing – Davey Gudgeon, for example, had finally won over Yalina Khan and they were sitting in one of the Room’s conjured booths, noticeably connected at the lips.

(F/N) giggled and pulled back, grinning at him as she did so. “Well, you said it made me beautiful – which is very sweet – but you didn’t go into detail about what that does to _you_ ,”

“I can show you if you want …”

“Well, as much as I would love that, I hardly think here and now is the time or place …”

Sirius growled, a primal, frustrated sound that made (F/N)’s skin tingle hotly. He pulled her back to him under the guise of dancing with her some more, but pushed her hair behind her ear and whispered, “We could always make our excuses and … sneak off together,”

(F/N) smirked and pulled away. “We could, but even you aren’t good enough to give your friends the slip,”

Sirius chuckled darkly and chucked her under the chin. “Maybe not, but I do always get what I want,” He walked off in James’ direction, leaving (F/N) standing there wondering what on earth he was up to. James gave him the thumbs-up and, as Sirius walked back to (F/N), she noticed that both boys were grinning.

“What did you do?” she hissed, suddenly feeling quite self-conscious.

“James gets it,” said Sirius simply. “He’s going to be our distraction,”

“Oh yeah, because the room isn’t going to notice that _Sirius Black_ is missing,” (F/N) quipped. “But you _told_ him?”

“Of course I told him,” said Sirius lightly. “He wouldn’t bat an eyelid. Besides, he’s waiting for an opportunity to sneak off with Lily, too,”

“You’re like two peas in a pod,” (F/N) sighed, but not without a smile. “Partners in crime,”

Sirius grinned, disarming her completely. Even in the dimmed lighting of the room (F/N) could see how his eyes glittered with mischief. “Naturally,” he said. “But the only crimes being committed tonight are crimes of _passion …_ ”

“I cannot believe you would say something so terribly cheesy …” said (F/N), feigning exasperation.

“Of course I would,” laughed Sirius, wrapping an arm around (F/N)’s body and pulling her close. She hadn’t noticed, but most people were paying attention to something James was doing on the other side of the room. “Anyway, I think we should get going. There’s also the crime of you looking so damn delicious that mustn’t go unpunished …”

“Sirius Black, you are a demon dressed as a man,”

“I can live with that,”

Sirius whisked (F/N) back to Gryffindor Tower quicker than she’d ever made it back before and, as soon as they were inside, he dragged her upstairs to his dormitory rather than shoving her down on the nearest flat surface, as she’d expected. Of course, (F/N) had never seen the boys’ dormitories but was not surprised when she saw that they were almost identical to the girls’, save the sort of decorations boys liked to scatter about as opposed to what girls liked. Sirius pulled her to his bed and pushed her down, making short work of her clothes and his.

Without giving her any time to process what was going on, Sirius had drawn the curtains around the bed and in moments had established himself on his stomach between (F/N)’s legs. (F/N)’s hands flew to Sirius’ hair, massaging his head with gentle tugs and pulls as his tongue lapped expertly at her folds. She mewled and moaned as he inched closer still, hooking her legs over his shoulders and delving as deeply as possible, fully intent on making her come (preferably screaming) as hard as she could. It was when she started talking dirty to him, though, that he lost his resolve and crawled back up her body until they were level.

“What was that?” he asked very seriously. (F/N) shivered; she loved the way he was pretending to frown at her.

“I said, I want to do something for you,” she repeated, and very surreptitiously reached for his body, gently running her nails down his stomach when she reached him and trailing them ever so slowly towards –

“Ah-ah,” Sirius scolded softly, grinning at her as he spoke. “If you do that then I promise I won’t last. You don’t want that, do you?”

(F/N) shook her head as innocently as she could, knowing full-well how that would make him feel. Sure enough, the same intense, wild look overcame him, and he looked just as he had that evening in the Prefect’s bathroom as he grabbed (F/N)’s legs and pulled her towards him. He leaned in for another scorching kiss as he settled between her legs once more and, with minimal guidance, buried himself deep inside.

“You are so beautiful …” he growled, giving a couple of experimental thrusts. He was quickly losing himself, and he didn’t know whether to go as hard and fast or as slow and sensually as he could. At the moment, he was trying to do the latter, to draw it out as long as possible but it was proving excruciatingly difficult.

“So are you …” (F/N) gasped, pushing his hair out of his face.

Sirius was stunned, momentarily, by the tenderness of what she had said and the honesty in her voice and, finally, the softness of her eyes as she gazed up at him from where she lay on his pillow. There was a pause where neither of them moved or made any noise at all, as Sirius processed what (F/N) had just said to him and as she waited patiently for him to recover from whatever blow he’d sustained. Suddenly, his lips were back on hers and he was driving into her without any sort of hesitation. He no longer cared whether he came too early; all that mattered to him was showing her exactly how much she was wanted.

Even with his lips on hers, Sirius could still hear (F/N) whimpering underneath him and wondered if, were he to pull away, she would ‘sing’ and cry out like she did the first time they met like this. He decided to try it, never once slowing his pace as he leaned back to look at her gorgeous face, framed by messy hair. Sure enough, her mewls and purrs morphed into moans and criminally arousing whines and, eventually, she let go and allowed herself to be _loud_.

Just as Sirius wanted.

He couldn’t watch and listen to her looking and sounding like that for much longer, a complete mess beneath him, so he leaned back in to hold her closer and silently informed her that he was going to let go soon as well. The insinuation seemed enough for her though, and (F/N) came around him, digging her nails into his shoulders and making him come with her so suddenly he had no time to prepare. Sirius gasped, then bit down on (F/N)’s shoulder to try and stifle his groans. (F/N) seemed to like the way his teeth felt on her skin, because she pulsed again and drew more out of Sirius than he even knew he had.

Rather than collapsing on top of (F/N), Sirius disentangled himself and rolled to one side, panting as he did so. (F/N) followed, cuddling up to his warm body and leaning upwards to briefly kiss his cheek, jaw and neck. He gladly wrapped his arm around her, desperate to keep her close and, once he’d got his breath back, he slid down slightly and rolled onto his side so that he was facing her.

“Stay here tonight,” he whispered.

(F/N) smiled softly and pushed a lock of hair behind his ear. “I would, Pads, but I’m sure your friends would find that _really_ weird,”

“I don’t care about what they think …” Sirius murmured, kissing her again. “Prongs has had Lily up here loads of times …”

“Wait, what? Really?”

“Well, not to stay the night, of course … She takes her Head Girl duties far too seriously for that. I’m sure the others wouldn’t mind,”

Sirius knew that was a lie, of course. Peter was probably sick of his friends bringing girls back for a snog – or more – and Remus _certainly_ wouldn’t be pleased to learn that Sirius, whose girlfriend was _still_ Remus’ long-time crush, was sleeping soundly behind these very curtains, with said girlfriend, completely naked.

(F/N) chuckled. “Even so, I do feel like a bit of an interloper. How about we get dressed and do something else for a bit, and when they come back it’ll be like nothing happened?”

Sirius laughed, an adorable, boyish sound that (F/N) had come to love. “Oh, (F/N), you’re so cute …” he said, stroking her cheek. “We’ve been up here on our own for the last half an hour or so … Do you really think they’ll believe we’ve just been up here doing spells or something?”

(F/N) blushed and sat up, smiling gingerly. “I guess not,” she said. “Anyway, let’s get dressed and then we can go downstairs if you want …”

“What I _want_ is for you to stay here with me. Preferably as you are now,”

(F/N) blushed even harder and made a grab for her underwear. Sirius got there first and held her knickers just out of reach. She deliberately climbed over him and, holding his arm down, confiscated them from him so that she could finally put them on.

“Aw … You’re no fun,” he teased, pretending to pout.

“Believe me, Pads, if you let me go now I’ll make living with me worth your while when we get our own place,” said (F/N), grinning over her shoulder as she put on her bra.

Sirius smirked. “I’ll hold you to that, love,”

“Good,”

Sirius watched longingly as (F/N) got dressed and eventually decided to do the same. When she was decent, (F/N) cast her usual ‘after-sex spell’. Since no one was back yet, he walked her back to the common room and they sat together, watching the flames dancing in the fireplace and cuddling together until they finally heard people returning to the tower. Of course, the lower-year students were all in their rooms ((F/N) hoped no one had overheard her and Sirius’ ‘session’), so it was just their classmates left to return. Seeing all the merry, jubilant faces streaming up to the tower, even the Fat Lady couldn’t complain about their being back so late after curfew.

There was a mixture of attitudes towards going to sleep that night. Some people wanted to experience falling asleep in their warm, comfortable beds one last time, while others wanted to stay awake to see their last night at Hogwarts through. (F/N) supposed that the full reality of it all wouldn’t hit her until she was on the train. She and the other girls stayed up for as long as they could manage, chatting about anything that came to mind. (F/N) was hit by flashbacks, one after the other, reminding her of how she met these girls and also of different memories she had with each of them. She would miss them but at least, she reminded herself, she would still have her very best friend with her.

She thought of her other friends as she fell asleep that night. Of Haydn, and Edith. Of Sylvie and Davey. She thought of all the other people she’d made good memories with, and even of the people whose memories invoked less than positive emotions. (F/N) allowed herself a gentle sigh. She had only lost one friend in her time at Hogwarts and, even though she’d moved on romantically, it still hurt to remember that the one friend she’d lost was one of her oldest at Hogwarts. She supposed that, if it hurt her at all, Lily had more to be sore over than she did. She kept telling herself that …

The next morning, the seventh-years took their last breakfasts with the rest of the school before they were all escorted to Hogsmeade, and to the idling Hogwarts Express. Before leaving the castle, (F/N) had made sure to say goodbye to and thank the professors she hadn’t been able to talk to beforehand, although for several of them it certainly seemed to be more of a “see you soon” rather than a proper goodbye. She managed to see Flitwick, Slughorn, McGonagall and Kettleburn but wondered where Moran was, because she hadn’t seen him in several days.

Back in Hogsmeade, thoughts of Moran were swirling around her head as she waited to get on the train. Just ahead of her stood Hagrid, ushering a group of third-years into one of the carriages. (F/N) smiled and slalomed between the idling students, calling back to Lily saying that she would find her again in a minute.

“Hello, (F/N)!” said Hagrid merrily, pulling her into as light a hug as he could manage. “All righ’?”

(F/N) grinned at him. “All right, Hagrid? I was just wondering, have you seen Moran at all? I was hoping to say goodbye to him before we left …”

“Oh! Moran. He resigned about a week ago … Strange, it was. Didn’t really say why, but Dumbledore seemed to understand,”

“He _left?”_ (F/N) gasped. “Oh no … That’s such a shame …”

“Don’ worry, (F/N),” said Hagrid. “The way yer goin’, yer just as likely to run into him again as you are the rest of us,” he added with a wink.

“The rest of you?” asked (F/N) with a smile.

“Oh yeah … You know, _the Order_ …” he whispered, as loudly as he dared to ensure she heard him.

(F/N) mouthed the words back at him, not quite grasping what he was talking about. Then, the more she thought about it, the quicker it dawned on her. “Oh!” she exclaimed, suddenly cottoning on. “But Hagrid, how will I know how to get in?”

“Oh, yeh’ll know,” said Hagrid, with a smile and a gleam in his eye. “Yeh’ve had a lot of dealings with Dumbledore over the years, it’s not likely yeh’ll stop hearing from him anytime soon,”

(F/N) grinned. This was all very good news. “Thanks, Hagrid. For everything,” she swooped in and gave him another hug. “I’ll see you soon then, hopefully!”

“Yer most welcome,” he said warmly, patting her shoulder. “Go on now, an’ make us all proud,”

(F/N) hurried back to the train, waving over her shoulder as she went. She hopped into the carriage she was sure Lily and the others had boarded and closed the door behind her, but suddenly remembered something else she needed to speak to Hagrid about. She leaned out of the already-open window and called out to him.

“Oh, Hagrid?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll send a letter with Cicero as soon as we’re back, and let you know when I’ve got somewhere for Aeolus to live,”

Hagrid smiled as if he’d forgotten all about the hippogriff. “Of course!” he said with a chuckle. “I’ll wait to hear from yeh!”

(F/N) waved to him once more and set off to find her friends. She tried not to cry as she looked out of the window and up at the castle she loved so much. She fully intended to make the most of her final journey on her favourite train, and promised herself she wouldn’t actually allow herself to cry …


	44. Chapter 44

Mr and Mrs Evans were more than happy to accommodate (F/N) until she was able to find a place of her own. Similarly, Mr and Mrs Potter were pleased to have Sirius back, and James and Lily were both very happy to have their respective best friends living with them for a while. By mid-July, the Ministry had already accepted (F/N)’s application to become an Auror, and now she was making the trip to London everyday by Apparating, to complete her training and the prerequisite examinations to allow her to actually start working with the Auror Office.

The training was intense and extremely difficult, but (F/N) was determined to make the cut. She would see everything through to the end, because so much in her life had directed her towards this very outcome. She had decided long ago that this is what she must do, because too many good witches and wizards – and Muggles, too – were dying or otherwise suffering at the hands of Dark witches and wizards. She had never met her parents because of Dark magic – she knew this, even if Auntie Beth hadn’t confirmed it – and she had been forced apart from her beloved aunt because of it, too. She had lost a friend, and lover, because of it. People she knew and loved had all been affected by it in some way, and she wanted to do her bit to fight against it.

So, she thought, she would also fight to overcome any obstacles that stood in her way of qualifying as an Auror.

Her training and further studies did not keep her from looking after Aeolus, who now lived under a Disillusionment Charm in a field about a mile from Lily’s house. It did not prevent her from being a good house guest, as she did everything in her power to help Lily’s mother around the home (she frequently employed spells to help with cooking and cleaning, much to Mrs Evans’ delight) but was careful to keep her magic to herself when Mr Evans was around, or when Petunia – who had moved out the year before – came home to visit her parents.

By August, (F/N) had succeeded in her training, passed all of her examinations and was immediately put to work under one Alastor ‘Mad-Eye’ Moody, who was a hard taskmaster but quickly became fond of his new protégé. Although, (F/N) had to note, he did show affection for ‘allies’ (Mad-Eye Moody did not have ‘friends’) in a very peculiar way. People wouldn’t think he liked them at all to witness his interactions with them, but after a little while, (F/N) could tell the difference. If you did as you were told and hadn’t died within a fortnight, especially in those dark times, you were in Moody’s good books.

So far, Moody had had no reason whatsoever to pull (F/N) up on ‘sloppy practices’ or other ‘bad behaviours’. In fact, she’d even overheard him _praising_ her to the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement himself, Bartemius Crouch. She remembered his son, ‘Barty’ Crouch Jr, was a couple of years younger than her at school. Now, Mr Crouch was a very difficult man to impress – just like Moody – but it was thanks to Moody that Crouch even noticed (F/N)’s contributions to his department’s efforts.

It was late August when (F/N) returned to Lily’s house with the news that she had already been promoted to _nearly_ the same position as Moody, thanks to their recent duel with Death Eaters Jugson and Rosier. Moody had killed Rosier, which to begin with had not sat right with (F/N) because he had been in some of her classes (she never liked him, though). She alone, though, had disarmed and captured Jugson, and hauled him back to the Ministry for questioning. Jugson had been a thorn in the Ministry’s side for quite some time, apparently, even though he himself was only a few years older than (F/N). Still, Crouch had been more than pleased with (F/N)’s masterful arrest and had promoted her on the spot, purely because “he had never seen a new recruit with such skill”.

(F/N), needless to say, was thrilled.

Sirius, too, was ecstatic when he received the news. He had not seen (F/N) in a couple of weeks and they were missing each other terribly. He had some news of his own to give her but decided it could wait until everything else was out of the way, first. When the time was right, and (F/N) and Lily had come to visit at James’, Sirius broached the subject of joining the Order of the Phoenix, just as Hagrid had hinted before to (F/N).

(F/N) was glad to be sitting down, because she knew she would have ended up on the floor, otherwise. “How did you find out about it? Did someone come and speak to you?”

“No, no …” said Sirius gently. “No, Dumbledore sent us letters,”

“Oh …” said (F/N), feeling a little let-down. “We haven’t had anything, have we, Lil?”

Sirius and James smiled at the girls. “It’s all right,” said Sirius. “He even said in ours that this is strictly hush-hush, and there are a few things we need to do to join. He didn’t give explicit instructions … That would have defeated the point of secrecy if he’d written it all down,”

“I’m surprised he sent letters at all … It’s supposed to be a secret society,” said Lily, bemused. “I mean, what if they’d fallen into the wrong hands? What if someone he thought would join the Order actually wanted to join the Death Eaters instead?”

“Oh, he wouldn’t have sent letters to anyone whose loyalty he doubted,” said James sagely. “I know why he didn’t send letters to you two, though … He _also_ wrote in ours that the less correspondence he sends out the better, especially to us, because he believes the ‘opposition’ has their eye on you both,”

“Why _both_ of us?” said Lily. “We haven’t done anything,”

(F/N) suddenly felt very sick. “ _You_ haven’t, but I have,” she said. “I’m an Auror, and I’ve already managed to get up their noses by getting Jugson arrested. I’m not surprised they’re looking my way, but that _does_ mean I need to get out from under your parents’ roof,”

“What?!” cried Lily, turning in her seat to face (F/N). “Don’t be silly. You’re not going anywhere!”

“Lil, your parents are Muggles. Voldemort and his followers would just _love_ an excuse to go up to your house and raze it to the ground. I’m not about to put them – and you – in danger because of my job,”

“Why me?” said Lily. “We can protect them together …”

“ _Lil._ You’re _Muggle-born._ They’d like to do away with ‘your kind’ too …”

Lily fell silent and seemed to think for a moment before finally speaking again. “You’re right …” she said sadly. “But you don’t have to go. We trust you. I’m still sure that, together, we can protect them,”

“I’m sure we can, but I’m not willing to take any chances,” said (F/N) resolutely. “Look, I’ve got a bit of money still stashed away at Gringotts _and_ I’m not on a bad wage at all, now. I’ll be able to find somewhere and move out and get the hell away from your family. I don’t want them to get hurt,”

Sirius decided that now was as good a time as any to interject. “My uncle Alphard left me a good bit of gold in his will, too … Maybe we can pool it, and I can let James’ parents have their spare room back?”

(F/N) turned to Sirius and smiled. It was finally happening …

“You know my parents love you like you’re their own,” said James affectionately. “You’re always welcome here. Both of you, for that matter,”

(F/N) smiled at him too, starting to feel quite overwhelmed by these charitable offers. “Thanks, Jim. That’s really sweet of you …”

Lily hooked her arm through (F/N)’s and cuddled up to her. “I’m going to miss living with you, you know. You’re always welcome at mine too, regardless of what’s going on out there. You’ll always have a home with me,”

(F/N) cuddled her best friend back. “As you will always have one with me,” she said. “You’re the sister I never had,”

Lily chuckled. “We can’t say we’re the sisters we never had, because we _are_ sisters. I love Tuney, but I love you as well and _we’re_ the inseparable ones,”

(F/N) was sure she was about to cry but managed to croak out, “I love you too, Lil. You’ve always been there for me,”

“And you’ve always been there for me …”

“So let me do something for you again, and for your family. Let me protect you,” said (F/N). “I promise, I won’t let them anywhere near,”

Lily leaned back and looked at (F/N) for a moment. She had never disbelieved her, not for a second, and now was no different. She was just amazed that someone could be so concerned for the wellbeing of others and, at the same time, seem to completely forget that they, too, needed to be looked after. Lily looked at Sirius.

“You’ll look after her for me, won’t you, Pads?”

“With my life,” he said.

“Oh, don’t talk like that …” said (F/N), dabbing away a tear that escaped down her cheek. “No one’s dying,”

“And no one’s going to be in danger,” said Sirius quickly. He stood up and made his way over to (F/N) to cuddle and soothe her. “We’re all going to be fine,”

And so they were. (F/N) and Sirius thanked Lily and James’ parents profusely for letting them stay and, as soon as they were set up in a little place of their own (a pretty little cottage in Boscastle, in Cornwall), they made sure to have them over to stay when they were able. Upon reflection, (F/N) and Sirius realised there were plenty of idyllic places to live that were closer in proximity to where they’d moved from, but (F/N) was naturally drawn back to similar landscapes to the ones she’d grown up in (although she was, admittedly, closer to the sea now), and Sirius was desperate to get as far from what _he’d_ grown up with as possible. That, and he would go wherever (F/N) went.

Sirius was wholly unsurprised by the way (F/N) _instantly_ , from the second they had properly moved in, began decorating the place with magic. By the time she’d finished magically enlarging rooms, enchanting different bits of furniture and adding other things she’d conjured (as well as bewitching their bedroom ceiling to behave just as the Great Hall’s had), Sirius had to admit that he was glad he’d agreed to let her “do her thing”, as he put it. It was beautiful, and everywhere he looked he was reminded of who he now lived with.

While (F/N) was busy running around for the Ministry, often ending up duelling some Death Eater or other after a bit of investigation, Sirius focused on completing the tasks set for all would-be members of the Order of the Phoenix. He had known it wouldn’t be simple, but he was glad that he was able to complete them on (F/N)’s behalf as well as his own. James and Lily, who had by November moved into their own house in a place called Godric’s Hollow, were completing their own initiations as neither of them had yet secured jobs. They had decided to forgo this in favour of signing up with the resistance against Voldemort’s rise to power.

The reason Sirius was glad to be able to complete (F/N)’s tasks for her was because (F/N) was far too busy with work to actually join up herself, but it would have broken her heart to be left out. Sirius strongly suspected that Dumbledore, who was naturally at the head of the operation, knew about this and that was why he was allowed to do it for her. Besides, these tasks were mainly about proving that you weren’t a sympathiser with Voldemort’s cause, and (F/N), who had already had four Death Eaters arrested and had a hand in killing another (not the one Moody had killed), was most definitely _not_ sympathetic to them in any capacity.

She had only been working for the Ministry for a few months, but already she was beginning to show signs of being just as ruthless as Moody or Crouch when she needed to be, although she did have a much calmer head on her shoulders. In those few short months, she had risen in rank far faster than anyone expected, even of her, and soon her friends were overhearing tales of how some Death Eaters only feared Auror raids because they never knew if (F/N) would be in their company. Those Hogwarts teachers who doubled as Order members (such as McGonagall, Hagrid, and even Kettleburn) were delighted but unsurprised by (F/N)’s record-breaking rise to prominence. She was the force to be reckoned with they all foresaw.

After (F/N) had been inducted into the Order along with her friends (thanks to Sirius), she quickly realised that, while the Order and the Ministry were both making progress in the fight against Voldemort – which she had to remind herself was actually a war – what they were really doing was simply holding the Death Eaters off. There was more to come, and the vision she’d had in her Divination N.E.W.T was haunting her worse than ever …

Desperately needing to distract herself, (F/N) set about making some new friends within the Order. Among these friends were a couple who had been in the year above her at school: Frank and Alice Longbottom. They were newlyweds, which (F/N) thought was very sweet, and both were very kind people. They got along famously with Sirius and (F/N), and James and Lily, and they often found themselves meeting for coffee or dinner when they were off-duty.

(F/N) thought that perhaps, with everything that was going on, the one who needed the most distraction was Lily. Not only was the war affecting her in ways that did not concern those around her (Lily, being Muggle-born, was now very worried about her family, whereas those around her were less so because theirs were magical – or Death Eaters themselves), but she had recently had another falling-out with her sister. Apparently, they had all gone out to dinner – Lily and James, and Petunia and her new fiancé, Vernon – and it had all dissolved into chaos as arguments ensued for no apparent reason.

As a result, (F/N) and Lily were closer than ever. It stood to reason, then, that (F/N) was absolutely thrilled by the news Lily gave her at Christmas, which was being spent in Boscastle. James and Lily arrived by Apparating on Christmas Eve afternoon and were greeted with hugs and smiles by their two best friends. Once inside, (F/N) brought Lily through to the living room to warm herself by the fire (which was not connected to the Floo Network for obvious security reasons), while Sirius and James went out into the kitchen to get bottles of wine – the party was starting early, of course.

“I take it Moony and Wormy aren’t here yet …” said Lily, rubbing her hands together. It was bitterly cold outside, mostly because of the winds blowing in off the ocean, sweeping the town and weather-ravaged fields around.

“They should be soon,” said (F/N) with a smile. “We’ve got party food ready to go when they get here, so we can all have a bit of tea, and then we can do whatever you guys want to do!”

Lily grinned. “Sounds like an excellent plan to me,” she said. “Thank you so much for having us over, (F/N) … It’s really lovely of you, and lovely to spend time with you,”

“And you as well,” said (F/N) gently. “It’s been strange, not seeing you guys every day like we used to …”

Just as she said this, the firelight glinted off something on Lily’s hand. (F/N) grabbed the glittery hand and her eyes lit up with delight.

“WHAT IS _THIS?”_ she exclaimed, in more of an excited squeal than a normal voice. “JAMES POTTER, WHAT IS THIS ON LILY’S FINGER?!”

Lily burst out laughing as James came running into the living room from the kitchen, his mouth full of the little vol-au-vents (F/N) made that morning. He tried to grin but realised he needed to swallow his food first.

“Honestly, you boys and your food …” said Lily affectionately, looking past James to see Sirius desperately trying not to choke on a mini sandwich he’d shoved in his mouth.

“Well, (F/N) … It’s a ring …” said James, cheekily. “I take it Lily told you …”

“Nope,” said (F/N), in an equally cheeky tone. “I think she was hoping I’d notice on my own?” she half-asked, turning back to her best friend.

Lily laughed again and shook her head. “Honestly, I was waiting for the right moment. I thought you might notice anyway, but I was _hoping_ you wouldn’t. Silly me, huh?”

“ _Yes_ , silly you!” (F/N) laughed, springing on her with an enormous bear-hug. “Oh Lily, I’m so happy for you … And you, Jim – get your backside over here!”

James chuckled and made his way over to receive the hug he wouldn’t have been able to avoid if he tried. If he’d refused – which he wouldn’t have; he was just as fond of (F/N) as Lily was – he wouldn’t have put it past (F/N) to _Accio_ him to her. So, he waited his turn for one of (F/N)’s trademark ‘big hugs’ and, when he got it, was squeezed with so much affection he thought he might explode.

“Congratulations, you two,” said (F/N) at last, as Sirius took the opportunity to hug their friends as well. “Gosh, Mr and Mrs Potter … That’s _crazy!”_

“It’s fantastic, you mean,” chuckled Sirius.

(F/N) turned to him and raised an eyebrow. He’d spoken very quietly, considering the circumstances. “Are you okay, Pup?” she asked, using her newest pet name for him. Everyone called him Pads, or Padfoot, and she was familiar enough with his Animagus form that she’d thought up a new name. As it happened, Sirius liked this one even more because it was … intimate. Loving.

“Yes …” he said slowly, drawing out the word. “Why?”

“Because you’re very quiet … Oh!” she gasped, pointing at him as if seeing an old friend for the first time in years. “Oh, you’re not getting _emotional_ , are you?”

Sirius rolled his eyes and turned his face away. “Of course not …” he grumbled.

“Oh, yes you are!” (F/N) giggled, taking his hands in her own. “It’s okay, you know. It’s not _weird_ to have feelings,”

Sirius tutted and grinned at her, then at their friends. “I _know_ , all right?” he chuckled, spinning her around and cuddling her from behind. “I just don’t want people to think I’m soft. Happy now?”

(F/N) laughed. “Very,” she said. “Anyway, when’s the big day?!”

Lily and James looked at each other and smiled. “We were thinking next autumn,” said Lily. “We were saying it seems a nice time of year to do it,”

“Agreed,” said (F/N) enthusiastically. “It’ll be beautiful, whatever you decide to do,”

Lily beamed at her. “Well, that was the other thing. Planning and preparing and everything like that aside, we’ll need our best friends every step of the way …”

Her eyes were glittering with hope and happiness, and (F/N) couldn’t help the tiny, excited squeak from escaping her lips. “You’re not saying what I think you are …?”

Lily nodded. “Do you want to be my maid of honour?”

“You know that’s not even a question you need to ask!” (F/N) cried, running forward to hug her again.

As the girls hugged and laughed and babbled away, James grinned at Sirius and said, “Well, I don’t think that’s going to be us in a couple of seconds, but how about it, Pads? Be my best man?”

Sirius hugged his friend anyway and laughed, heartily patting him on the shoulder. “Of course I will,” he said. “Anyway, I’m always your best man, so …”

“Oh, shut up,” laughed James.

The friends toasted to the husband and wife to-be with champagne that (F/N) saved for special occasions just like this, and were just starting to drink when there was a knock on the door. (F/N) went to get it and cheered when she saw Remus standing there, a bottle of wine in each hand.

“ _Moony!”_ she said in surprise. “You shouldn’t have … You know, we meant it when we said to just come here and let us look after you …”

“I couldn’t show up empty-handed …” he said softly. Sirius, from where he sat on one of the sofas in the living room, could see the front door and wasn’t sure if he was comfortable with how tenderly Remus was looking at (F/N). Still, he ignored it. Now was not the time, so he stood up and walked into the ‘hallway’, which was actually just an extension of the living room. (F/N) had wanted it that way so that the house felt more ‘open’.

“Remus, you know perfectly well that you could have,” said (F/N), pretending to scold him. She stepped to the side and welcomed him into the house, and a smile broke onto her face again. “Come on in and I’ll get you a drink. Oh, and we’ll pop your coat in the airing cupboard with the rest, so they’re nice and warm if you want to go outside … for some reason,”

Remus chuckled, joining in the overall feeling of mirth that warmed that house. As he stepped into the warm hallway-living room, he marvelled at what (F/N) had done with the place since the last time he was there for his friends’ housewarming. She had decorated the stairs with tinsel and she and Sirius had put up a beautiful little Christmas tree in the bay window, glittering with colourful lights and baubles and tinsel. There were presents for everyone underneath, but they didn’t know that …

The mantelpiece, too, was decorated with pictures of them together and more fairy lights which, upon closer inspection, were entirely magical and glowed in several different, beautiful, incandescent colours. The house also smelled of homemade food, and (F/N) had clearly gone all the way with the Christmas decorations because the scents were of cinnamon and nutmeg, and other festive spices, too. The overall effect on Remus was complete relaxation and peace, and he forgot all about how bad the last full moon had been.

Just as Sirius had welcomed Remus and seated him with the others, and everyone was chatting away, there was another knock on the door and (F/N) came back from the kitchen to get it. “(F/N) …” Sirius said, as though she were being very naughty. “ _I_ would have got it …”

“You need to entertain our guests, darling,” said (F/N), non-sarcastically. Sirius was used to hearing her call him things like that now, as though they truly had settled into domestic life together. He loved it. (F/N) opened the door and welcomed Peter into the house with open arms.

“Make yourself at home, Wormy!” said (F/N) warmly, taking his coat as well and sending it up to the airing cupboard. “What would you like to drink?”

Peter, who looked as bewildered as ever, gave her a smile and thanked her before answering the question. “Er … Whatever they’re having, please,”

(F/N) beamed at him and nodded. “Right you are,” she said, and bustled off to the kitchen again. When she came back, she had a drink for Remus and Peter, and once everyone had settled down around the fire, things finally felt complete. Sirius wrapped an arm around (F/N)’s shoulder as they sat on one sofa, and James and Lily occupied the other. (F/N) had made sure, when decorating the house, that there were enough chairs to go around and so Remus and Peter both had a squishy armchair to themselves. The conversation, naturally, turned to James and Lily’s engagement that was what the group chose to talk about for the next couple of hours. Of course, the subject matter occasionally turned to what was going on in the magical world at large, but no one really wanted to talk about such dark things when the mood was so light.

That night, after everyone had eaten rather a lot of food, all six friends retired to the rooms that had been made up for them. Everyone was sleepy so it didn’t take long for the house to fall silent, but (F/N) was still up, pottering around in the room she shared with Sirius with its beautiful, shifting ceiling. She had actually used the same charm in all of the other rooms, too.

“Come on love, come to bed,” said Sirius, patting the mattress next to him. “We’ve all had a great evening, and we’ll have an even better day tomorrow,”

(F/N) smiled at him over her shoulder and shrugged off her dressing gown, because it was more than warm enough in their room. Sirius eyed her hungrily, even though he was tired, because she just didn’t realise how gorgeous she was. _Especially_ in the little, just-above-the-knee nightdress she was wearing …

“I just want to make sure everyone’s all right before I go to sleep …” she said honestly.

“Can you hear anyone moving?” asked Sirius rhetorically. “(F/N), they’re all asleep. Now … Get in my bed,”

(F/N) chuckled in a low, velvety voice. “ _Your_ bed? I think you’ll find it’s _our_ bed, dear,”

“Don’t make me come over there,”

“Okay, _fine,”_

(F/N) sauntered over to the bed and climbed in beside him, snuggling up to his chest and tucking herself into his side. Sirius laid back and sighed. “That’s better,” he said, holding her close. It was times like these that he treasured the most, and he always made sure (F/N) knew how much he appreciated the time he got to spend with her.

(F/N) giggled. “You are a soppy thing,” she teased.

“What?” he asked indignantly. “I just like my home comforts,”

(F/N) smiled to herself and thought about that comment. She supposed that, other than Hogwarts, this was the only place Sirius had truly been able to call ‘home’. She was glad to be part of that ideal for him. She would always do her best to make him feel relaxed and wanted. Just as he made her feel.

“And that’s absolutely fine by me,” said (F/N) gently, rubbing his abdomen tenderly. “Because you are at home,”

Sirius smiled too, and lazily waved the lights off. “I am indeed, and with the most beautiful woman in the world, at that,”

“Sirius, please don’t tease …” (F/N) said warmly. He could tell by the tone of her voice that she was flattered.

“No, I’m serious. How many times do I have to tell you?” he chuckled. “I’m the luckiest man in the world,”

“You’re being daft …”

“I am not. Okay, maybe I could be luckier …”

“How so?” said (F/N), rolling onto her side so that she had her back to him. Sirius went with her, grinning into her shoulder while his arms were still wrapped around her body.

“Well, we could be married too,”

(F/N) thought her heart would stop beating but it just pounded loudly away instead. “Oh, have they given you ideas?” she asked silkily, referring to James and Lily.

Sirius chuckled against the skin of her neck. “Maybe,” he purred. “What would you say?”

(F/N) grinned and suppressed a shiver. She couldn’t quite believe they were having this conversation. They’d only been together six months or so, but strangely, she didn’t feel as though this was happening too soon. Still, she thought, now was as good a time as any to tease him. “Well, you’d need to ask me first,”

“Ooh, well played, love…” said Sirius, his voice little more than a low, deep rumble. “You know, (F/N), if I were to ask you to marry me I’d do it properly. I’d really sweep you off your feet … although you already are off your feet now …”

(F/N) laughed, trying to keep as quiet as possible. She covered her mouth with her hand to stifle the sound, but Sirius pulled it away.

“Don’t worry about that …” he whispered. “I’ve soundproofed the room,”

“You … what? Then why are you whispering?”

“To make you shiver …”

And shiver she did. Sirius flipped her onto her back and pinned her beneath him before seizing her lips in a searing kiss. It wasn’t long before they were in a similar predicament to when they were in the Prefect’s bathroom, with Sirius laid back against the pillows and his hands on (F/N)’s hips as she straddled him, riding him as perfectly as she always did when the fancy took them to try it like this.

Sirius reached up and pulled (F/N) to him, planting another heated kiss upon her swollen lips. Their foreheads touching, and their lips inches apart, Sirius never missed a beat as he said, “I love you, (F/N). I love you so much …”

“I … love you too, Puppy …” (F/N) panted. Her voice, so full of lust and purest love … saying those words … was Sirius’ undoing. He twitched inside her and came hard without meaning to (he was a very ‘ladies first’ sort of man), but it seemed that just the thought of what happened a second ago was enough to finish (F/N) off, too.

She rolled off him, puffing and panting and immensely satisfied, and glanced at her bedside clock. Half past twelve, it read. She smiled and turned back to Sirius, who had cast a quick cleaning spell and was now pushing his hair back out of his piercing grey eyes. He glanced at her and smirked.

“Merry Christmas, Sirius,” said (F/N), returning to his side.

Sirius pulled her flush against him and sighed contentedly. “Merry Christmas, (F/N),”

The young couple fell asleep moments later, having watched the light clouds being blown by the wind across the magical night sky above.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoo, boy. Buckle up, folks, you’re in for another super-long chapter! I’m so sorry for apparently being unable to space this one out a bit more ... 😅

It was a perfect Christmas, and a perfect New Year. On the day of the former, the friends had exchanged gifts and (F/N) and Lily, in particular, were very taken with their presents for each other – matching, magical friendship necklaces that they had enchanted especially, and as symbols of their friendship. For the latter, all of the friends went back to (F/N) and Sirius’ (on the proviso they go to Godric’s Hollow next Christmas and New Year, because James and Lily wanted to spoil _them_ for once), and even Haydn and Edith joined them for the celebrations.

After that, the year seemed to fly by. Aside from all the letters exchanged and visits made, all in the name of preparing for James and Lily’s wedding, (F/N) was now finding life busier than ever because – surprise, surprise – the Death Eaters were getting bolder than ever, and there were incidents almost every couple of days.

So, (F/N)’s social life had been put on the back-burner (as she had fully expected when she took the job) in order to give her all to the war effort. When the Ministry didn’t need her, the Order did, and she found herself working alongside Moody on both fronts. She had long since decided that this was all right with her, because at least she knew she and Moody got along just fine and they knew each other’s tactics already.

When it came to work for the Order, she got to work with various others. So far, she had been in a team with Haydn, Edith and an older wizard by the name of Caradoc Dearborn; with Moody, and brothers Fabian and Gideon Prewett; and also with the Longbottoms. She’d been paired with numerous other people too, in smaller groups, including Sirius and James. It was during this time that she was able to work with several members of Hogwarts staff, all of whom were very pleased to be grouped with, her and had nothing but good things to say about the progress she’d been making.

With this boost to her confidence and yet more carefully administered praise from Mr Crouch, (F/N) found herself feeling much calmer and much more capable in the face of what the war was throwing at her. Not just her, either. She was aware that every member of the Order was vastly outnumbered by the amount of Death Eaters on the loose, so the pressure on all their shoulders was quite palpable. But, (F/N) realised, she had been able to take a step back and view the war from a different angle. There was no point in going all-out against Voldemort, as nobody yet knew how to defeat him. (F/N) suspected, just as Dumbledore did, that it would take more than a duel to finish off the Dark Lord. Even a duel between him and the most powerful witches and wizards the “good guys” could send his way.

(F/N)’s suspicion was that Voldemort’s power extended beyond what they could see right now, so she believed the answer would be to wait until he showed a weak spot, and simply hold his forces off in the meantime …

Absolute defeat of the Death Eaters was not an achievable goal at that time.

It was this clarity of mind and calmness (when not in the heat of battle) that also enabled (F/N) to take control of the wild magic that was most often triggered by emotion. Nowadays, her moods rarely affected the elements and she was pleased about this, because it finally meant that something was going right. Naturally, (F/N) had to take some time out every so often to “let off some steam”, and when she did there was always a dramatic storm or high winds or something to that effect, but she felt much better for it afterwards. This way, she decided, no one would get hurt when they didn’t need to.

Although Ministry and Order losses had been minimal for the first half of the year, as (F/N)’s one-year anniversary of working for the Ministry came around the war intensified very suddenly. Caradoc went out on a solo mission one Friday and was never heard from again. It pained (F/N) a great deal, just as it did the rest of the Order, because Caradoc was a good man. There were some among them who insisted on reminding everyone else that they “didn’t know for sure” that the man was dead, but everyone else seemed to think that was the most sensible conclusion. A few other well-known, well-liked witches and wizards were also killed in late August and early September, leaving a very noticeable dark cloud over the entire organisation. To top it all off, two witches in (F/N)’s department at the Ministry were found dead in their homes, along with their families, on the last day of summer.

Suddenly, the number of deaths in what felt like a very short space of time pounced on (F/N), and she found herself crying on Sirius’ shoulder several nights a week.

“It’ll be all right, sweetheart …” he said softly, cuddling her as she wept. “These things are really awful, I know … We just have to keep going …”

“I know, Pup …” she sniffled. “It’s just so … so … I can’t even describe it. I mean, we lost Marlene all those months ago, and now they’ve taken so many others … It’s only going to get worse, isn’t it?”

“Not if we can help it,” said Sirius resolutely, in his deep, calm voice. “We’ll just keep fighting. None of us are doing a job we aren’t capable of. We’ll be _all right_ , (F/N),”

(F/N) wasn’t sure what to say, so she just nodded and held him tightly. She couldn’t bear the thought of losing anyone close to her, but that thought alone brought back the memories of her vision … She shuddered violently and pulled away from Sirius, drying her eyes and cheeks with the back of her hand. Sirius rubbed her back gently.

“ _I_ won’t let anything happen to you,” she said fiercely, a fire suddenly igniting inside her. “I won’t let anything happen to _any_ of you. I’d …”

“Shh …” said Sirius kindly, pulling her in for another hug. This time, she toppled over and landed with her head in his lap, so he didn’t quite get to cuddle her again, but he lovingly stroked her hair as she stared up at him with bleary (E/C) eyes. “I know, angel. I know. But you need to let others look after _you_ sometimes as well. You work too hard,”

(F/N) gave him a lopsided smile. “Sure,” she said simply. “I can try, anyway,”

He chuckled and gently stroked her cheek. “I do love you, (F/N) Castor. Don’t ever forget that, will you?”

(F/N) took Sirius’ hand and wove their fingers together. “I won’t,” she said. “As long as you don’t forget that I love you too,”

Sirius smiled at her and she sat up, leaning into him for the softest of kisses. Then, when they were quite finished, Sirius smirked and said, “Don’t we have a wedding rehearsal to get to?”

_“Shit!”_ (F/N) swore, leaping up and running to grab her bag. “ _Yes – we – do!”_

Sirius laughed as he watched her bombing around the house, seemingly in much better spirits than a few minutes ago. Once she had her bag and coat, and her shoes on, she grabbed Sirius’ hand and Apparated from the house with him to the little church in Godric’s Hollow. Thankfully they were on time, but (F/N)’s pink cheeks and panting were dead giveaways that she had almost forgotten about the appointment.

“Did you run here or something?” Lily teased from one of the pews.

“Oh, ha-ha,” said (F/N) sarcastically. “No, I was worrying about the state of the magical world and then Sirius saw fit to remind me that we really ought to have been _here_ instead,”

Lily smiled sympathetically. “It’s really getting to you, isn’t it?” she asked kindly.

(F/N) looked at her, feeling a little guilty for having said anything, and nodded. “Yeah … It’s all getting a bit … heavy, you know?”

“I know what you mean …” said Lily. “But still, we’re progressing just fine as we are and there haven’t been any incidents for a week, so I’d say we’re doing all right after all”

(F/N) grinned at her. Lily always had a way of looking on the bright side that she really appreciated. So, she thought, she would put the doom and gloom behind her and enjoy the rehearsal and the wedding (which was only a week away) even more. _Nothing_ would spoil that.

On the night before the wedding, (F/N) and Sirius stayed in Godric’s Hollow to help their best friends get ready for their big day. (F/N), wanting to make sure Lily was as happy and as comfortable as she could possibly be, remained in her pyjamas for the whole four hours it took to get the lovely bride ready (using magic and also none as required), as well as the three bridesmaids (Edith, Mary MacDonald (with whom Lily had always got on well) and, surprisingly, Petunia), _and_ Lily’s mother.

By the time everyone was ready to go, Lily was over the moon with the work (F/N) had done but was panicking _for_ her maid of honour. “You haven’t even got dressed yet!” she said. “Let me help …”

“It’s okay, Lil,” said (F/N) with a chuckle. “I’ve been practising this for _months_ ,”

She picked up her wand from where it lay on the bed next to Lily’s dressing table, waved it thrice above her head, and her hair styled itself, her makeup put itself on and her dress (a beautiful, deep, autumnal red that Lily had picked out specially) floated off its hanger beside Lily’s wardrobe and sort of … faded onto (F/N)’s body. She stepped into her shoes which had been just underneath the dress hanger and she was ready.

“Ready to go, soon-to-be-Mrs Potter?” said (F/N), with a very self-satisfied smile. Lily was staring at her in awe.

“Okay, I need to learn that spell for when _you_ get married,” Lily laughed. “Um … Have you seen my bouquet?”

(F/N) conjured a beautiful bouquet there and then and gave it to her best friend. “There you are, my dear,” Just then, a tear pricked her eye and her breath caught in her throat, and suddenly she was trying her hardest not to cry.

“Whoa, hey … What’s up, pretty lady?” asked Lily, trying to lighten the mood. (F/N) smiled because she had obviously misinterpreted.

“You’re just so beautiful …” she whispered, still fighting back the tears. “Oh my gosh, if James doesn’t cry then he has no soul. Or he needs to clean his glasses …”

The young women laughed again, and Lily pulled (F/N) in for a last, quick hug before they went to get the other bridesmaids who were, by now, waiting for them in the living room. The men had apparently gone to the church already.

“You know, you’ll always be the best friend I ever had,” said Lily gently. “I love you with all my heart, (F/N) Castor,”

“I love you with all my heart as well, Lily Evans,” said (F/N) into Lily’s long, beautifully curled red hair. “The best friend _I_ ever had,”

Lily pulled back and (F/N) saw tears glistening in her emerald eyes. Lily, without hesitation, shifted her bouquet into one hand and took (F/N)’s in the other, and they left the room together. At the top of the stairs, (F/N) lifted Lily’s train so that she wouldn’t stumble, and as soon as she stepped into the hallway at the bottom there were ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ from every woman there. Lily’s mother instantly burst into tears. Even Petunia seemed moved by her sister’s presence, which (F/N) was surprised about given she’d withdrawn the invitation to her own wedding at the beginning of the year.

Lily’s father, who had just come out of the upstairs bathroom, came down the stairs to see his youngest daughter all dressed up and ready to get married and, despite his normally cool exterior, was also moved to tears. He didn’t seem ready to give her away too, but he offered her his arm and said, “Ready to go, little flower?”

Lily nodded to her father and took his arm, and the wedding party was away. (F/N) was told by Edith and Mary to walk alongside the bride while they carried her train, but in no time at all they were at the little church. (F/N) fell back into line with the mother of the bride and the bridesmaids, just as they all stepped inside and the music began to play. Apart from Lily’s Muggle family members, all of the guests were witches and wizards and (F/N) recognised virtually all of them. Some were friends from school, others were people they’d worked with. Up ahead, standing at the altar, stood James in a traditional suit and tie. His unruly black hair still stuck up in all directions, but (F/N) smiled because that was just _him_. Next to him stood Sirius, who looked extraordinarily dashing in _his_ suit, and who smiled and winked as soon as he saw her.

(F/N) took a seat in the first pew next to Mrs Evans, who had left a space for her husband to sit in once he’d given Lily away. She was still dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief, taking care not to smudge her makeup. (F/N) discreetly cast a spell on her to prevent that from happening, but Mrs Evans noticed and gave her hand a squeeze in thanks.

The ceremony was beautiful. Several times (F/N) had to tell herself not to cry, but it was very difficult. A few of those times, the only thing that stopped (F/N) from crying was catching Sirius’ eye from across the aisle from where he sat next to Mrs Potter. Once he winked, just as he had when they came in, and another time he had smiled so softly, yet so suggestively, that (F/N) couldn’t help but blush. He had suggested, half-teasingly, that they get married so many times this year that she was sure that was what he was implying yet again with that smile.

At long last, the moment everyone had been waiting for came and Lily and James sealed the deal. Finally, the young couple were married and became the next generation of “Mr and Mrs Potter”. It was all (F/N) could do not to leap up while clapping, and she had to _try_ not to scream with happiness. The young newlyweds turned and smiled at their friends and family who had all turned out for the occasion, and Lily gave an excited little wave to (F/N) as she walked with James to the church doors. (F/N) and the rest of the wedding party – James’ included – all followed them down the aisle and outside where a photographer (a wizard, naturally) was waiting.

“Okay, okay, bride and groom first, then we’ll have a couple of the whole party!” he called out to them, standing a little way back. He snapped a few shots of the new Mr and Mrs Potter as confetti – magical and normal – was thrown and cast about. Then, as the photographer had said, a few photos were taken of the whole wedding party. Petunia, who was pretending to be ‘unbothered’ about being in a magical, moving photo, stayed out of it despite the encouragements of everyone else.

“All righty, shall we have a piccy of the bride, the groom and their best people?” said the photographer, grinning above the camera at them. Lily eagerly beckoned (F/N) back over to her and linked arms with her just as they always used to, and Sirius stood on James’ other side where they both stood with an arm around the other’s shoulders. James’ other arm was wrapped snugly around Lily’s waist.

“Oh yes, that’s lovely!” said the wizard, snapping a few shots here and there. “I must say, the maid of honour and the best man would make a handsome couple too …”

Lily and James burst out laughing as Sirius and (F/N) blushed bright red. “Well …” said Lily slyly. “As it happens, they already are …!” she then giggled, slipping out from James’ grasp and moving to (F/N)’s other side. James did the same to Sirius, and they pushed their best friends together to cheers and wolf whistles from several onlookers.

“Oh, is that so?” laughed the photographer. “Well then, let’s get some snaps of you two! How should they pose, Mr and Mrs Potter?”

“Kiss her!” shouted Lily. James laughed loudly beside her, clearly enjoying himself.

“Yeah, go on, Pads! Give ‘er a smooch!”

“You are wicked people!” (F/N) shouted back, but not without an enormous grin plastered across her face. She turned back to Sirius just as he cupped her face in both hands and kissed her with a smile on his own lips. “All right, all right …” she said to him, pulling back slightly. “Shall we pose normally now?”

“Aww … Spoilsport,” said Sirius with a grin. He turned back to face the right way though and, with an arm around (F/N)’s waist, he stood slightly behind her, resting his head in the scoop between her neck and shoulder.

“Beautiful!” said the photographer. “An extra dose of happiness for the album! Now, let’s have the bridal party together … Come on, ladies, you all look a treat!”

There were lots more photographs taken that afternoon, both at the church and at the reception at the village hall just after the wedding. There was plenty of celebration, and many more smiles and much more laughter shared, especially after the bouquet was thrown before leaving the church. Almost as if Lily had aimed for her, (F/N) caught the flowers without expecting it, prompting more whistling and a very curious smile from Sirius.

As the evening wore on, a few people got a bit tipsy and it was all Sirius could do to hold onto (F/N) so that she wouldn’t get asked to dance by someone else. There were, after all, plenty of men there who wanted just a little bit of her attention. Sirius only thought of this as he watched (F/N) dancing with Remus, but by now he’d learned not to be so wary. He knew Remus wouldn’t try anything with a woman who was spoken for, and he knew (F/N) would never do anything like that to him. As he was watching her, (F/N) glanced over at him and caught his eye, smiling shyly when he noticed.

God, she was beautiful, he thought.

James and Lily were slow-dancing together just across the room (James had danced with (F/N) too, and Sirius with Lily) and now, Sirius decided, it was time to get his girlfriend back. The song was nearly at its end, and he wanted to make sure he got his foot in the door before one of the others whisked by and stole her away again.

“Hey, Pup,” said (F/N) as he drew near. “Are you all right?”

“I most certainly am,” he replied. “Just getting in line ready for the next dance,”

“Getting in … What?” (F/N) laughed, just as Remus stopped moving with her. “Oh Sirius, you are funny,”

“I try,” he said, with a wry grin. “Moony, would it be all right if I borrowed her back for a bit?”

Remus smiled and dipped his head slightly. “Of course. I was just looking after her for you,”

“Sure you were …” said Sirius under his breath, but he was still smiling as he watched Remus go. “Well, well, it looks like you’ve been well looked-after indeed, Miss,”

(F/N) giggled and draped her arms around his neck while he held her waist, swaying slowly with him as the next song began. “Then I think it’s time we looked after you, isn’t it?”

He chuckled in a very soft, bass tone and stooped down to kiss her. “I’d like that,” he said. “What did you have in mind?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” (F/N) teased. “Suffice to say I have a plan, though,”

“Ooh, I can hardly wait …”

Their slow dance continued for several songs, neither of them speaking and just gazing into each other’s eyes. Occasionally they would share another kiss. The evening became night and then midnight came and went. People started saying their thank-you’s and their goodbyes and leaving their well-wishes in the little book by the door, as well as receiving little gifts and a slice of cake from the bride and groom. (F/N) and Sirius were among the last few to stay until the very end, when James decided the time was right to pick Lily up bridal-style and announce that they, too, should “probably head home”.

Everyone got the hint.

“James, put me down so I can say thank you!” Lily protested (although only a little bit). She went straight to (F/N) and squeezed her so hard that even she was worried she might pop her. “Thank you so much, (F/N) … For everything,” she whispered.

“Anything for you, Lil … You know that. I hope today was everything you could have hoped for …”

Lily hugged her again. “It was more than that,” she said. “We have you, and everyone else, to thank for that,”

She and James took turns hugging and thanking everyone, but (F/N) got an extra one at the end from Lily, just before she was scooped up again and carried off to the sound of everyone’s laughter. She gave them a wave that pretended to be resigned to her fate and they were gone.

(F/N) chuckled to herself, turning back to the hall. “We are helpers until the end,” she said, taking out her wand from where she had it concealed in her bra, like a holster. Remus and Peter blushed and turned away while Sirius laughed and watched as, with a simple but powerful cleaning spell, (F/N) tidied the entire hall with just a wave of her wand.

“Beautifully done,” he said, with an approving nod of his head. “The work of a master,”

“ _Pfft …_ ” (F/N) tutted, returning her wand to where she’d been keeping it. She knew Moody wouldn’t approve, because his attitude to keeping your wand in anything but a real holster or a proper pocket (not your back pocket, either – he loved to tell stories about people he knew who’d accidentally set their backsides on fire) was that you shouldn’t be keeping your wand anywhere else. Simple. “Maybe I’m in the wrong profession. Maybe I should just run for Filch’s job or something,”

The men laughed and shook their heads. “You’d be a welcome change at Hogwarts, I’m sure,” said Remus.

Peter and Remus made their own ways home, and after closing the village hall and locking it down with magic (the Muggle proprietors wouldn’t be any the wiser), Sirius grabbed (F/N) by the hand and Apparated with her straight back into their living room, landing on one of the sofas as soon as they arrived.

“You could’ve warned me you were going to do Side-Along …” said (F/N), tapping Sirius on the nose. She was sitting right on top of him, straddling his lap in a very suggestive way, and she strongly suspected that he’d planned this all along.

“Where would be the fun in that?” said Sirius, giving her an Eskimo kiss. “Got your heart pumping, didn’t it?”

“I’m guessing you want me to reply with something horribly cheesy now?” said (F/N), quirking an eyebrow at him.

Sirius grinned and rolled his eyes. “Well, you don’t _have_ to …”

“No, no … I’ll play your game, Sirius Black. Fine. _That_ didn’t get my heart pumping, _you_ did. In fact, you always do,”

“Oh, wow. That _was_ cheesy, even by my standards,”

(F/N) swatted him playfully and climbed off him, making her way to the stairs. “You’re such an arse,” she said with a grin.

“Am I really?” laughed Sirius, following her upstairs. “Maybe that’s why I love yours so much,”

“… That line was a bit of a stretch,” said (F/N) with a giggle. “Where on earth did you get that one?”

“I don’t know …” he said honestly. “I was just distracted by those delectable curves of yours,”

“Sirius, you are unbearable …” (F/N) laughed, and she squealed as he came up behind her and squeezed her bottom as she tried to get up the last few stairs.

She turned to face him so that he wouldn’t be able to reach so easily (not that that ever stopped him) and he planted a hot, needy kiss on her lips.

“I’ll tell you what _is_ unbearable …” he murmured. “… The fact that we’re out here, fully dressed, and not in there, rolling in the sheets …”

(F/N)’s skin flushed extremely hot and, without giving it any more thought, she dragged Sirius into their bedroom and onto their bed, where they commenced the passionate rolling around together he had just described. They resigned themselves to the fact that they most certainly would not be getting any sleep that night, and that they would not be up the next day until after midday (probably, if Sirius had anything to say about it).

A few blissful days followed. (F/N) was granted a couple of days of leave and nothing of import happened within the Order, so she was allowed, at long last, to get a little bit of rest. Of course, she was still worried about what was going on out there, but Sirius kept her sufficiently distracted so that her concerns did not weigh on her too much. In fact, on one of the days he challenged her to a duel in the garden (charmed so that the neighbouring Muggles wouldn’t suspect), and on another he went out into the countryside with her to visit Aeolus. He rarely, if ever, mentioned the war and if talk did turn to ‘work’ then he would, as swiftly as possible, turn the conversation away again.

Then, in seemingly no time at all, (F/N) was back to work and Sirius was back to running missions for the Order who were, as the days got colder and darker, facing greater and greater struggles in this hideous war. They were, somehow, only just managing to conceal the magical nature of it from the Muggle community, too. Sometimes Sirius and (F/N) wouldn’t see each other for days at a time, even with their joint work for the Order, and both felt their deprivation of the other like a knife to the heart. It sadly could not be helped though, which they knew, and so they battled on alongside their friends and allies.

Less than a month after Lily and James’ wedding, they were overjoyed to learn that their best friends were expecting their first child. Lily and James told (F/N) and Sirius the news at the very earliest private opportunity, which happened to be one precious evening off which was spent in Godric’s Hollow. Hugs were exchanged, over and over, and tears were shed, but as delighted as (F/N) was, she simply couldn’t prevent the worry from settling in.

Fortunately, before Lily was pregnant, the Order had mostly employed her skill with charms in covert operations (although she had been in plenty of fights, too) whereas (F/N), who had quickly built a reputation with the Ministry and whose name was apparently whispered among certain Death Eaters as though it was cursed (much like Voldemort’s name), was one of the ‘up-front and personal’ witches whose magic was best utilised either by healing the wounded or frightening all sense out of the enemy.

(F/N) was more concerned than ever because now there was another person – a _little_ person – who would soon be a part of this world at war, and he or she would be another she was terrified to lose or see hurt. Naturally, it only made her more determined to protect those she cared about, but as the weeks wore on and became months, and as Lily asked (F/N) along to scans and other prenatal appointments (sometimes in James’ absence because of the Order, although he never missed a scan), (F/N) became more and more apprehensive.

She was utterly ecstatic when Lily and James found out that they were having a boy, and when they asked her and Sirius to be his godparents. Within a fortnight they had decided what they were going to name him – Harry James Potter – and everyone was eagerly awaiting the birth. Sirius, though, had noticed the change in (F/N) and became deeply concerned.

“What’s the matter, love?” he asked one evening, a _very_ rare one that allowed them to spend some time together before one or both passed out from exhaustion. “You’ve been very quiet lately …”

(F/N) sighed and rolled onto her side in bed so that she was facing him. “I’m worried, Pup,” she said. “About all of this. I’m worried about the sort of world Harry will be born into … I’m worried about Lily and James, and Alice and Frank …”

Alice and Frank Longbottom, too, were expecting their first child – also a little boy – and, being their friend, (F/N) was equally concerned for their unborn son as she was for Lily and James’.

Sirius gave her a gentle, reassuring smile and tenderly rubbed her side, his hand following the curve of her body and stopping to rest at the lowest point of her waist. “You know, I always knew you were the protective sort, but I never imagined you would be such a … ‘mama-bear’,”

(F/N) smiled shyly. He was right; she was protective of everyone, but at the first news of children coming into the world she had become a real force to be reckoned with. Under no circumstances would she allow anyone to threaten a child ...

Sirius snuggled down next to her and came near enough to rest his forehead against hers. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close, but not before summoning the duvet and covering them as much as he could.

“I love how you try to look after everyone,” he said softly. “I know I’ve said it before, but I wish you’d let people look after you, too. I can see how you’re struggling, and I just wish I could take some of the pressure off you …”

“You’re sweet, Sirius …” said (F/N), reaching up and tapping the end of his nose. “What sort of ‘mama-bear’ would I be, though, if I’m not ready to defend at the drop of a hat?” she chuckled.

Sirius gazed lovingly at her, wondering how she could be so resigned to a fate that wasn’t hers. She shouldn’t have to be everyone’s one-woman army. He didn’t know why his mouth decided to suddenly betray him, but he said, “Well, I’d happily make you a ‘mama-bear’ if it meant you’d let me look after you,”

(F/N) looked at him in surprise. “W-what?” she stammered, and Sirius realised what he’d just said.

Without missing a beat, Sirius smiled softly and made a low, contended noise as his handsome face blushed slightly pink. (F/N) thought it was nothing short of adorable. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while …” he murmured. “Even before James and Lily announced Harry. I … I’d really like to have children with you, (F/N). I think we’d make great parents, and seeing how you are with children who haven’t even been born yet … Well, it makes me want them even more,”

Sirius looked thoroughly bashful while he made his confession, and by the end (F/N) found that all she could do was gaze at him in adoration and cup his cheek with her hand. When words finally returned to her she sounded a little choked-up. “Oh, Sirius … I didn’t realise you felt that way,” she said.

“Of course I do,” he said simply. “I love you. Madly,”

She leaned forward and kissed him. “Likewise,” she replied without pause, eyes closed as she savoured the feeling of having him near. “I think, once this is all over, this idea is definitely one I can get behind,”

Sirius felt his stomach drop slightly, both because he’d been told what he already knew – (F/N) would not abandon the war, or put a child in danger by having one herself, especially with her reputation – but also because his partner, the woman he loved so much, had just confirmed that she would, indeed, like to start a family with him one day.

Still, he smiled and kissed the tip of her nose. “Can I hold you to that?” he asked cheekily.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, can I hold you to the fact that you just said that, when this is all over, you’d like to … embark on this adventure?”

(F/N) looked at him carefully and quickly realised that he was flirting. She smirked. “It sounds to me like you want us to go at it like rabbits the _second_ the war ends,” she said.

“You’ve always been good at reading between the lines,”

(F/N) swatted him playfully and turned over onto her other side. “Oh, Sirius,” she said, pretending to scold him. “You are impossible,”

She heard Sirius chuckle behind her as she snuggled up to her back, enveloping her in his warm embrace and affectionately nuzzling her neck. “You love it,” he teased.

“Mm-hm,”

“Goodnight, darling,” said Sirius cheekily.

“Goodnight, dear,”

Feeling much better for having talked to Sirius – the same effect could have been achieved with any topic of conversation with him though – (F/N) managed to drift off to sleep for a few hours. She awoke again in the middle of the night however, feeling dread rising in her bones. Something was coming … something was going to happen …

She lay awake feeling sick to her stomach and more nervous than all the other times she’d been worried put together. Of course, she was worried about everything to do with the war, but she’d never had a sense of foreboding quite like this and it scared her terribly. She was glad of Sirius’ presence because without him she would have been climbing the walls in agitation, and the protective arm he still had around her kept her bed-bound. She couldn’t go back to sleep though, not now that she’d had this feeling. So it was that, by morning, she was absolutely exhausted from sleep deprivation and worrying half the night. Her fatigue was so noticeable that Sirius tried to have her stay at home that day, and not attend the Order meeting arranged for later in the morning. (F/N) utterly refused, however, and stayed on to face the day in full, although she already knew to expect bad news thanks to the dread in the pit of her stomach.

Dumbledore stood before the members of the Order as they sat or stood around (despite being far fewer in number than the Death Eaters and having lost some good witches and wizards, their numbers had grown considerably since the group’s foundation). He looked extremely grim or, at least, far grimmer than he usually did in those dark times, and had his hands laced together in front of him as he searched for the best words to use.

“There is no easy way to impart the news I bring …” he said gravely, apparently deciding there was nothing else for it but to get straight to the point. “… Our situation is now more dire than ever before. A prophecy has been made, and it appears to concern members of our group,”

A deathly silence fell upon the people gathered before him. (F/N) felt the hairs on the back of her neck begin to prickle, almost as if something loomed behind her. And, she was most disconcerted to note, she once again felt incredibly sick. She _knew_ something was coming …

“I am afraid to say that all we can do is look after one another, and be more vigilant than ever,” said Dumbledore softly, in that wise and sober voice that he used when addressing his students back at Hogwarts. Of course, most – if not all – of the people in the room with him were students of his at some point in time.

Professor McGonagall shifted slightly in her seat and straightened her skirt a little, although she was as immaculate as always. “… What _is_ the prophecy, Albus?” she asked, hardly daring to raise her voice a single decibel higher.

Dumbledore looked very uncomfortable for a mere fraction of a second and, while unsure of whether anyone else noticed it, (F/N) certainly had. At length, Dumbledore heaved a great but quiet sigh, and said, “A boy, born at the end of July, will be Voldemort’s greatest enemy. He will have the power to destroy him, and will be born to parents who have thrice defied him,”

(F/N) thought, at first, that this was a remarkably brief and unembellished explanation, coming from Dumbledore, but her second thought was a far heavier one. A boy, born at the end of July? That was when _Harry_ was due. That also happened to be when Frank and Alice were expecting their son. (F/N) wanted to scream – this was the very thing she had been fearing all night. This was the thing that lurked in the future, just out of sight. Now it stood, ugly and terrible, right in front of her and fully in the light. Of course, she thought, there would be plenty of baby boys born at the end of July, but his parents would defy Voldemort three times … Her friends were all members of the Order, which was defiant enough in its own right …

She must have looked truly terrified, because Sirius was suddenly holding her hand and rubbing it gently with his thumb. When she looked up at him from the spot on the floor she’d been staring at, it was to see worried grey eyes gazing back at her. Fear pulsed in her heart again, though.

_This_ , she thought, was somehow related to _her_ prophecy. She just knew it.

Lily and James, and Frank and Alice, were naturally frightened by Dumbledore’s news but the meeting quickly dissolved into discussion about plans for action, contingencies and vastly increased defensive measures. By the end, and by the time everyone was leaving to go about their usual business (usually war-related), the two expectant couples’ fears had been put to rest for the time being (or they knew what they had to do differently to keep safe, at least). (F/N), however, was fretting. She was pacing back and forth across the room, waiting for Dumbledore to come back from wherever it was that he’d gone, and Sirius simply didn’t know what to do to soothe her.

“(F/N), love … Please tell me what’s bothering you …” he said quietly, and in a pleading tone.

(F/N) stopped and glanced guiltily at him, wishing more than anything that she could tell him, but knowing how awful it would make him feel if he knew the truth. She just couldn’t tell him that she was concerned that this spelled the end of her life, that that bloody finale seemed to be on the horizon after a couple of years, now, of hoping that her prophecy had been a one-off, a fluke, and incorrect.

“I’m worried about James and Lily, and the Longbottoms,” she said quietly. This was not a lie, of course. “I want to know if there’s anything extra I can do to protect them,”

“Yeah,” said Sirius, with a slight chuckle. (F/N) could tell by the way he spoke, though, that he was at least a little incredulous. “They’ll be much safer if you’re there to protect them, but you can’t do that if you put yourself in danger and get ki—,”

Dumbledore was back in the room, and his presence silenced them both. “(F/N), my dear …” he said, as he no longer referred to her by her surname (he didn’t very often, anyway). “You seem troubled …”

(F/N) was about to speak but paused. She didn’t look at Sirius, but she did cast her gaze toward the window as she nervously searched for the right words. Sirius sensed that this conversation between (F/N) and their old headmaster really ought to have been private, and so he politely excused himself by telling (F/N) he would be waiting for her outside.

Once he was gone, (F/N) cast a silencing charm on the room to ensure any eavesdroppers wouldn’t overhear what she was about to say. Finally, when she was just about ready, she decided to do what Dumbledore had done with his news and simply spat it out, although not quite as eloquently.

“Professor, I think I’m going to die …”

Dumbledore looked extremely taken aback by this statement. “(F/N), what makes you say something so terrible?”

“When I fainted during my Divination N.E.W.T, I … had a vision. I was duelling Voldemort in a house. I won’t go into all of the details, but I know he killed me in the end. And I know it was because I was defending someone,”

A very grey look came over Dumbledore’s face and he nodded solemnly. His bright blue eyes were suddenly glassy, and he appeared not to know what to say. After what seemed a great deal of thought, he returned his gaze to (F/N) and spoke slowly and deliberately. “Professor Moran did tell me that you had had a vision of some kind before he resigned …” he murmured. “I knew then that it did not bode well; he looked almost pained by what had been revealed to him. I can only say, (F/N), that I do not believe you are in any immediate danger. You are a powerful witch, possibly the most powerful in the Order, and I do not think – even if you were to come face-to-face with Voldemort – that he would kill you, because you and your skills are far too valuable. When the time comes, we will protect you as you have so valiantly protected us. You need not be afraid,”

(F/N) knew there could be no other words of comfort that he could offer, but those he had she was glad to accept. Even though she was aware of what the circumstances implied, she forced the weight of everything she knew off her chest and replaced it with the warmth of Dumbledore’s words, and her memory of Moran telling her that just because something hasn’t been done before, it doesn’t mean it’s impossible. She hoped that nugget of wisdom could be applied to this, because she certainly would have liked to be able to change the outcome of her ‘prophecy’.

Her thoughts quickly returned to thoughts of James, Lily and Harry, and of the Longbottoms too. She would just fight harder and fiercer than ever before, and she would make sure her name was feared by Dark witches and wizards the country over. She did not want to die, but she would do so gladly if it meant that her godson and his parents could be safe.

She put all fear aside and smiled at Dumbledore. “Thank you, Professor,” she said. “I am not afraid anymore,”

That statement was all Dumbledore needed to hear to know that (F/N) Castor was going to be all right, and that she was going to be one of the Order’s most ferocious members – if not _the_ most. He could not help smiling, for this young woman had a fire he had never seen anywhere else … not even in her father. A very bright flame had burned in Magnus Castor, but in the heart of his daughter blazed an inferno as intense as the sun.

Yes, he thought. She would be just fine.


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who’s ready for another behemoth chapter?

Joyful times were ahead. At eight months pregnant, Lily was very big and looked ready to burst at any moment. At nine months, even walking to the next room was a struggle because of how heavy she was, and she couldn’t express enough how ready she was to meet her little boy. James was so excited it was maddening – every single time (F/N) and Sirius went to visit the Potters, James was (quite literally) bouncing around and chatting non-stop. Lily, in her exhausted and hormonal state, had told him to shut up and sit down on more than one occasion.

James duly did as he was told, but would always be up again five minutes later.

When Harry was finally about to be born, on the very last day of July, Lily had had no choice but to have a home birth. With everything going on with the war, it would have been too dangerous to travel to hospital and she also couldn’t very well Apparate while heavily pregnant. That, and (F/N) – who could drive Muggle cars, thanks to the Ministry – didn’t think it safe to drive her to a hospital either. So it was that her best friend went into labour in James’ absence (he had been checking in with the Order very briefly a day earlier, and was then embroiled in a job that had gone wrong before his involvement). (F/N) had done her best to make Lily comfortable with her very best soothing magic, but got the surprise of her life when she was about to Apparate away to fetch help. Lily grabbed her tightly by the hand and begged her with tears in her eyes not to go.

“Lil, honey, I have to find you a doctor or _someone_ …”

“No, no … there’s not enough time …” she panted. “I’m sorry …”

“Jeez, Lil, why are you apologising?!” (F/N) chuckled. “You’re in labour, for Godric’s sake …”

Lily let out a short, high-pitched shriek as another contraction ripped through her. “Less jokes, more … more … _whatever the fuck people do when someone’s giving birth!”_

“… Duly noted,” said (F/N), rearranging Lily’s pillows as she leaned forward slightly. She was trying to curl up into a ball in the hope of easing the pain, but of course her bump was in the way. “All right sweetie, lean back now and we’ll get through this … James will be home soon, I promise …”

Lily held (F/N)’s hand tightly, her skin clammy and her red hair sticking to her sweaty forehead. (F/N) had already covered the bed with warm, clean towels and had encouraged Lily to lie down before the contractions got really bad, and now all she could do was sit beside her and keep her calm and focused.

“That’s it, honey, just breathe … that’s it … in and out, with me …” said (F/N), demonstrating for Lily and getting her to follow her lead. Lily’s grip on (F/N)’s hand was immense, and (F/N) could feel the blood beginning to drain from her extremities but she didn’t care. Lily needed her.

A few more contractions and a bit more screaming later, Lily suddenly squeaked and began to panic. “He’s coming …” she gasped. “Oh no, oh no …!”

“Lily, listen to me: I will help you. I will not let you do this alone. I – will – help – you,” said (F/N) adamantly. Lily went quiet and nodded quickly, a look of intense desperation on her face. (F/N) stood up and quickly went to prepare a warm bath for the new baby, and came back with more fresh towels ready for when he … came out. She realised for the first time that this was probably going to be awkward as who-knew-what, because as close as she and Lily had always been, _that_ was not a part of her she’d ever expected to see.

When she was back in the room, Lily started pushing because there was nothing else for it. Between pushes, and between gasps for air, Lily gave (F/N) a look of such softness that (F/N) thought she really was about to cry.

“Lil?” she asked gently, kneeling at the end of the bed with the towels.

“(F/N), I trust you. I trust you with my life, and my son’s. So I trust you to do this … Thank you for doing this …” Her words came out in a rush, and a tear spilled down her cheek as she stopped speaking and gave another almighty push. (F/N) was in tears, for being held in such high esteem by someone so beloved to her was, quite possibly, the most beautiful feeling. That, however, was soon rivalled in every way by having her new-born godson in her arms, crying plaintively at being thrust into this new world.

(F/N) quickly but gently cleaned the new-born of all the … stuff he had on him and, as though she suddenly knew what to do, she separated him from his mother in what she suspected was the proper way. She whisked him off for a quick, warm bath and to be wrapped up nice and warm in some soft blankets (F/N) had bought for the family. When she brought Harry back, now only cooing slightly and kicking his little feet as though trying to run already, Lily was lying back on the pillows facing the ceiling, her hair slicked back and her skin bright pink. (F/N) snuck a glance at her godson and smiled.

He was beautiful, and she absolutely adored him.

Lily turned her head to look, and gave them a weak but happy smile. She’d pulled her nightdress down but had been too tired to ‘sort herself out’, as it were. (F/N) could not blame her in the slightest. Lily burst into fresh tears as (F/N) handed baby Harry over, and she got to hold her son for the very first time. She cuddled him and whispered to him, and told him she loved him over and over, but eventually stopped talking altogether and simply gazed at him in wonder and adoration, as (F/N) diligently cleared away the soiled towels and other birth-related items around the room with a nifty cleaning spell.

“(F/N) …” she heard Lily call softly from across the room. She turned to her with a smile.

“Yes, Lil? Do you need me to get you anything?”

“No, no … Thank you,” she said. “I just want to say that there is no way I can thank you enough, or repay you for this … I’m sure there are a lot of best friends out there who are as close as we are, but wouldn’t take on the challenge of delivering one of their babies …”

“I don’t see why anyone _wouldn’t_ do that, but that’s okay, because we’re sisters anyway, aren’t we?” said (F/N) with a grin.

Lily grinned back, although she quite clearly needed to sleep. “You are my sister, yes, and I love you endlessly,”

(F/N) tried not to cry again as she came to kneel at Lily’s bedside once more. Together they watched Harry – who was too curious about the woman holding him to want to feed just yet – in complete silence with their heads resting very close together. Neither could have asked for a better friend.

Just then they heard the door open, and James called out through the house for Lily. Lily looked at (F/N) but she was already out of the bedroom door and heading downstairs to meet him. He had just taken his shoes off and draped his jacket over the back of the sofa when (F/N) got to him. Behind him was Sirius, closing the door and locking it after himself. As soon as he saw (F/N)’s face, Sirius knew something had happened.

“Hey, (F/N) …” said James with a smile. (F/N) could see that he was tired, too. “Where’s Lily?”

“She’s upstairs …” said (F/N) gently. The twinkle in her eyes and the little smile she wore purposefully tipped James off. He gasped quietly, and looked as though he might faint.

“Is she …?”

(F/N) chuckled. “Would you like to meet your son?”

James was speechless for a moment, but soon recovered. He Apparated straight upstairs with a smile on his face as wide as the moon, and she heard him crash to his knees at Lily’s side as he arrived in their bedroom. (F/N) turned to see Sirius watching her with renewed adoration.

“I’m so glad you two are safe …” said (F/N), approaching him and placing a soft kiss on his lips. “We were really worried …”

“Ah, you don’t have to worry about us,” Sirius teased. “We’re the unstoppable duo,”

“Sure you are,” (F/N) chuckled, draping her arms over his shoulders and kissing him again. She stood on the tips of her toes because he really was quite a lot taller. “Shall we go upstairs?”

Sirius pretended to be scandalised. “(F/N),” he scolded. “You can’t proposition me in someone else’s house …”

(F/N) rolled her eyes and grinned at him. “Like you’d be opposed to it,” she said sarcastically. “C’mon, get your arse upstairs,”

“Yes, Miss,”

Sirius and (F/N) went upstairs but waited in the spare room until they heard movement from James and Lily’s, simply because they didn’t want to barge in and ruin their family moment. When they finally heard James leave the room, heading for the stairs, (F/N) put her head around the door to let him know they were there and he grinned, motioning for them to come back in with him. As soon as they were inside, Sirius’ face broke into a delighted smile.

“Congratulations, you two …” he breathed. Harry was now asleep, so everyone was being very quiet, and Lily looked as though she could have done with a good rest as well but she smiled all the same. She was now half-tucked into bed, and Harry was sleeping peacefully in her arms.

“Yes, congratulations,” said (F/N) with a proud smile, observing the even prouder mother and father. She conjured several bouquets of flowers and levitated them so that they decorated the room. “Presents, to go with the others,”

“You don’t need to …” Lily began to protest, but quickly gave up as (F/N) shook her head and smiled. No more words were exchanged, and Sirius made his way around to the other side of the bed so that he could see Harry as closely as possible without waking him.

“He’s beautiful,” he said softly, making (F/N)’s heart squeeze. “You must be so proud …”

James, who was kneeling on Lily’s other side, nodded enthusiastically at his best friend. (F/N) took a seat at Lily’s dressing table, as Sirius looked around with a puzzled expression.

“Wait, where’s the midwife? Didn’t you call for a mediwitch or something …?”

“Well, as I’ve just been told …” murmured James. “… our ‘mediwitch’ is sitting right there,”

He nodded his head towards (F/N), who smiled modestly back at him. Sirius turned to her and stared in utter amazement. “ _You_ helped deliver Harry?”

(F/N) nodded gently but didn’t say anything. James got up with tears in his eyes and padded around the room until he stood in front of her, arms outstretched. (F/N) stood and embraced him, and James squeezed softly as he rocked her from side to side.

“Thank you, (F/N). I can’t tell you how much this means to us …”

“I’d do anything for you guys,” she said quietly. “Anything,”

James pulled away, kissed her on the cheek and smiled. “There really are angels on earth,” he said, and went back to sit next to his wife. Lily smiled at (F/N), her eyes agreeing with James’ words, and Sirius stood up to stand beside (F/N) instead.

“You are many things, (F/N) Castor, but a midwife as well? I never would have thought it,” Sirius whispered to her, his breath tickling her neck. “You are incredible,” he added, his voice catching.

“Don’t be silly, Pup,” said (F/N) softly. “I just did what was necessary …”

“And that makes you incredible. Most people would’ve freaked out at the prospect of delivering a baby … but not you,” he replied. “I’m so proud of you,”

He wound an arm around (F/N)’s waist and cuddled her to his side, kissing the side of her head as she hugged him back. They stayed like that for a long time, admiring the Potters’ little family unit, until Harry finally woke up again and wanted feeding.

“I guess that’s our cue,” said (F/N) with a chuckle. “We’ll leave you guys to get settled … again,” she added with a wink.

“Sure,” said James with a grin. “You’ll be back soon though, won’t you? You need your share of cuddles, after all,”

Sirius and (F/N) both wore smiles a mile wide. “Of course we will,” said Sirius happily. “As if we’d miss out on that!”

They bade goodnight to the Potters – the sun had set well over an hour ago, so with it being midsummer that meant it was late – and went downstairs. Once they were in the living room they Apparated straight back to their house and flopped down onto their sofa. (F/N) barely had time to get comfortable though, because she was suddenly being dragged into Sirius’ lap.

“Every single day …” he breathed, pushing her hair out of her face. “… you make me just a little bit crazier about you …”

(F/N) smiled sweetly and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “Why, what have I done lately?”

“What _haven’t_ you done?” he growled, kissing her roughly. “Today you helped deliver a baby. Every other day, you are the strongest and cleverest woman I know. You’re adored and you’re feared by the right people. You’re powerful and everyone knows it. Everyone wants you. But somehow, I’m the one who’s lucky enough to come home to you every evening … to hold you and love you …”

He kissed her again, and this time he didn’t pull away. Their tongues collided for a moment before Sirius very quickly decided that this wouldn’t do, picking her up and carrying her upstairs. He hadn’t seen (F/N) holding little Harry, but the mere thought of her cradling him was enough to send Sirius into overdrive. Probably since he first mentioned it to (F/N), the desire to start a family had only intensified and this was not helped by the many arousing qualities she possessed. Her beauty was one thing, and her intelligence another, but more than that she was _kind._ She was fiercely protective and loyal to a fault. Sirius could already see that (F/N) would make an outstanding mother.

So that night, while making sweet love to her (but knowing that she would not allow herself to become pregnant in those perilous times), Sirius permitted himself to imagine how (F/N) would look when swollen with their child. The result was that he finished harder than he ever remembered doing so before. Knowing that he needed to focus on the here-and-now, but also that he had a bit of an obsession, he contented himself by unearthing the memory of (F/N) telling him that she would be open to embarking on that life with him one day, and settled down to cuddle her to sleep after their passionate romp.

The next few months were filled with joy as Harry beguiled all who met him. Even when he met Peter for the first time, he managed to put a bit of light back into his eyes and some colour into his cheeks. (F/N) had commented many times on how sickly Peter was starting to look, and wondered aloud whether Order business was starting to take a toll on him. As Harry got older he quickly proved to be a cheerful little boy with a heart of gold and a mammoth personality. To (F/N)’s delight, every time she and Sirius came to visit she was always the first that Harry wanted to cuddle and play games with; she would often have her coffee-and-cake chats with Lily while sitting on the floor, helping Harry with his building blocks – if she didn’t pay attention, he would playfully throw whatever he could reach in her general direction until she focused on him again.

Lily would always laugh and remind (F/N) of how much Harry loved her, and tell her in hushed tones about how Sirius had told James about how jealous he was that Harry always wanted (F/N) first. Of course, Harry seemed to love Sirius just as much, and in reality Sirius had no shortage of playtime with his godson because, on the occasions they were asked to babysit, Harry would laugh at Sirius for no apparent reason (clearly, he had the sort of face children just found funny – (F/N) cursed him for being so attractive to adults and so friendly and appealing to kids), and want to play with different toys that he never would with (F/N).

The thing young Harry loved the most, though, was when (F/N) and Sirius cast different spells to amuse him. He would giggle and clap his cute, chubby hands together in glee as (F/N) conjured a tiny, magical bird for him to play with or as Sirius ( _very_ carefully) levitated him just above himself so that he could catch him on the way down.

Needless to say, whenever (F/N) and Sirius had been to visit (or look after Harry), Harry slept like a log. It was one of the reasons (F/N) suspected Lily and James liked to ask them to babysit, and one of the reasons why Harry’s first Christmas was so lovely. He didn’t seem to know who he wanted to cuddle first, or next … Lily had joked that if he could cuddle them all at once he would.

The endless joy brought to them by Harry’s existence was dampened only a little by the events now unravelling in the world around them. Twice now, Lily and James had been on Order business and had been confronted unexpectedly by Voldemort – once (terrifyingly) in person, and once through his possession of a Death Eater. Their skills had not gone unnoticed by him, and he had asked them on both occasions to join him. They had, of course, refused, and made very swift exits thereafter. Aside from completely disagreeing with everything he stood for, how could they forget that the evil man had a vendetta against their son _and_ Frank and Alice’s? As it happened, young Neville Longbottom had been born the day before Harry, and the boys’ parents had had two very close calls with the Dark Lord each.

(F/N) seemed to be the only one with the prophecy in mind, though, or the only one who remembered it, and with each passing day she became more and more anxious. _Born to those who have thrice defied him_ , she thought, over and over again as she hoped and prayed that nothing else would happen to make them defy him a third time.

She, herself, had been the target of a very strange and unexpected – but nevertheless foiled – attack. One day, while patrolling an area for the Ministry that was well-known for Death-Eater activity, two had sprung from the shadows in a nearby park and had attempted to capture her … by using the Imperius Curse. She had defended herself as expertly as people had come to expect, but she was no less rattled by the attempt to use the Unforgivable Curse that had ended her first relationship, and a friendship of several years.

(F/N) could not ignore how protective Sirius became after that incident. She was careful not to tell him when the Ministry assigned her the odd mission that required her to go alone to wherever she was needed. The rest of the time, though, he kept a very close watch over her which was both incredibly sweet and slightly annoying. Without (F/N) even having to tell her what was going on, Lily took it upon herself to take Sirius aside and gently point out to him that (F/N) was a perfectly capable witch, and that it wasn’t doing her reputation any favours to be seen to be under the strict supervision of her boyfriend. Sirius’ response had been favourable, but he later reiterated to (F/N) that she needed to accept that she was completely entitled to be looked after sometimes, too.

This gained him a very soft kiss on the corner of his mouth and the sweetest smile. He knew, based on his experience of (F/N) Castor, that this was a smile of both gratitude and defiance – she wasn’t going to let him “look after” her without a bit of fuss, at least. It hurt them both terribly that, with all that was going on around them, they simply weren’t able to spend any quality time together. (F/N) was nearly always working and when she wasn’t, Sirius always seemed to be. In between those times, Sirius worked on the Muggle motorbike he’d procured (he would always deflect (F/N)’s questions about it with a cheeky grin), while keeping an eye and an ear out for any news about the war. That, or he spent time with the Potters. When (F/N) finally had some time to be herself, she, too, could often be found in Godric’s Hollow.

In mid-July 1981, (F/N) and Sirius were enjoying a rare day off and were sitting on a hill overlooking the Atlantic, basking in the Cornish sun and trying to keep their hair out of their faces as the wind blew just as heartily as it did any other time of year. Sitting close together on the short, spiky grass with their shoulders touching and neither saying anything (they had long since learned the art of maintaining a comfortable silence and just appreciating each other’s company), they listened to the ocean roaring below and to the occasional gull soaring overhead.

(F/N), however, had been expecting a summons, purely because there was no such thing as rest with things being as they were. She was quite right to suspect that something else was afoot that day, because it was just before one o’clock when a familiar Patronus appeared before them in the form of a polecat. It was Davey Gudgeon’s, and as the Order had devised a way to make Patronuses speak to convey messages, he had sent word to them to come to headquarters to be briefed on the latest developments.

“We must have done something really bad in our past lives …” said Sirius glumly. “They do say there’s no rest for the wicked, don’t they?”

(F/N) chuckled and stood up, offering a hand to Sirius to help him to his feet. “Come on,” she said. “We’ll Apparate,”

“You know, I _really_ want to show you my bike one of these days,” he said. “It’s all fixed up and ready to go now,”

“I’m not getting on _anything_ you won’t answer some simple questions about, Sirius Black,” said (F/N), with a hint of teasing. Sirius grinned but pretended to be disappointed.

“You’re no fun,” he pouted.

They Apparated straight to the front door of where the Order headquarters were located, and gained access the usual way after cloaking themselves with the spells surrounding the place, giving the password and each answering a question that only they would know the answers to. These questions were, of course, asked by the enchanted letterbox.

Once inside, Sirius and (F/N) proceeded to what was once the headquarters’ dining room, but which had now been magically extended to accommodate seating for every single Order member in the event they all found themselves there at once. Dumbledore paced back and forth at the very front, clearly preoccupied with something, so Sirius and (F/N) just grabbed a couple of seats and sat quietly until the others arrived.

(F/N) was deeply concerned about what this all meant, but also unsurprised when the Potters and Longbottoms didn’t show. She wasn’t surprised, either, by the Weasleys’ absence – a family she was very fond of but had sadly been presented with very few opportunities to work with – because they, too, were very busy with their young family (six sons already, and another child on the way). While (F/N) and Sirius sat in silence they continued to hold hands, with (F/N)’s fingers entwined intimately with Sirius’, and both of their hands resting on his leg while he gently rubbed her hand with his thumb. Around them, the rest of the Order members chatted away, surmising about the reason for their summons.

All became very clear a minute later, as Albus Dumbledore called silence to the room. Every mouth closed and every pair of eyes became fixed on him. He paused for a moment, glancing around the room and meeting a few gazes, then clasped his hands together and began.

“We have received word from the Ministry that a Death Eater plot has been uncovered which directly affects the Order and the Ministry itself,” said Dumbledore seriously. A number of people leaned forward in their seats. “Of course, many of their attacks and infiltrations have been against us regardless, so we were not surprised to receive the news …”

“What news, Professor?” shouted a man at the back. “What have they done this time?”

Dumbledore gave whoever it was a wry smile. “I was getting to that,” he said. “A Death Eater by the name of Burton was recently arrested by our very own (F/N) Castor …” There was a sudden whoop from behind them again, and (F/N) turned around with a grin to see Haydn smiling back at her, and Edith looking just as jubilant.

“As I was saying …” Dumbledore went on, casting a kindly smile in (F/N)’s direction. “… The recently-arrested Burton is still being held at the Ministry. Now that he has had his trial, and has been found guilty of the crimes of which he was accused, he is awaiting his transfer to Azkaban,”

Everyone watched as the old wizard resumed his pacing, and as he continued his explanation of the current circumstances. They could have heard a pin drop, such was the intensity of the silence that fell upon the room.

“The Ministry uncovered this plot with extraordinary ease,” said Dumbledore, after mulling over his words. “Some of those involved were allegedly less than discreet about their plans, and Ministry spies were able to learn of them with enough time to devise a counterstrike. The Death Eaters’ plan is, of course, to free Burton before he can be transferred to Azkaban; this spells trouble for us, as he is responsible for the deaths of the Bairds and the injuries of several others … He is one of their best conspirators, for certain,”

(F/N) glanced down at her hands. The Baird sisters, Marcy and Maura, had been killed earlier that year and, as with any death, theirs still wounded (F/N) because she counted all of her allies as friends, and in her mind this meant that, wherever possible, no harm should come to them. It had taken a gentle reminder from Sirius, though, that no one in the Order was there against their will, and everyone knew the risks. (F/N) knew this and, while it didn’t make losing an ally any less painful, she accepted it because she knew it was true of herself, too.

“… we must therefore take the Ministry’s strong recommendations into account, and implement their plan to ensure that Burton does not escape. If possible, we will aim have his colleagues on the outside arrested also,” said Dumbledore. (F/N) snapped back to reality, realising she must have missed a good chunk of his speech. “(F/N), what would you say to taking the lead on this? The Ministry is your domain, and Burton was your arrest. I would imagine that makes you the best equipped to deal with him and anything his allies may try to do to free him,”

(F/N)’s eyes widened, and she was lost for words. Take the lead? She had never really been a mission ‘leader’ before … It was true that she had captured Burton and it was true that she knew the Ministry, but so did Moody …

“I can see you are hesitant, my dear, but please be assured that there is nobody here who would not trust you with their life,” said Dumbledore kindly. He must have realised that these words did not alleviate the pressure on (F/N)’s shoulders though, because he cleared his throat in a gentlemanly manner and added, “You are the very best we have to offer the Ministry now. It is your decision, however. I will defer to your sound judgement,”

(F/N) ran the proposal through her mind a few times but took no more time to tarry. She looked Dumbledore in the eye and nodded. “I’ll do it,” she said. “They don’t stand a chance,”

Dumbledore smiled. He knew that (F/N) Castor would never pass up an opportunity to protect whoever she could. It was a fact that concerned him deeply, though; (F/N) would often place herself in danger to mitigate the threat to others around her. He did also know that with (F/N) at the helm, the mission would be a success and all of her comrades would be safe under her careful supervision, and constant vigilance.

“Thank you, (F/N),” said Dumbledore with a twinkle in his eye. “You will make a fine ‘general’ … as if the Death Eaters didn’t fear you enough already,”

A few chuckles filled the room, inspiring (F/N) to do even better than her best. ‘ _General’,_ she thought. _What a lofty title._

The rest of that meeting was spent making arrangements for defending the Ministry and keeping firm custody of Burton. (F/N) selected a number of Order witches and wizards to assist her and, while she tried very hard not to choose any of her closest friends for fear of losing someone truly dear to her, it turned out that all of them ended up being just those sorts of people. Haydn and Edith were to join her, along with Moody (naturally), and Remus and Sirius. (F/N) had tried to insist that the latter _not_ be involved in this, but he had been deaf to reason. According to him, there was no way she was doing this without him.

“You are a stubborn git, Sirius,” said (F/N). She tried to be stern but failed miserably.

Sirius only smirked. “Wonder where I get that from?” he asked.

“Must be in your genes, somewhere,” she quipped back. Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes.

“ _No_ , I’m suggesting that your stubbornness has rubbed off on me …”

“I _know_ what you were suggesting, thank you very much. Now … fall in line, soldier,” she commanded.

She smirked at him, now, knowing exactly what that kind of authoritative voice would do to him. Sure enough, like a meek puppy-dog, Sirius backed down and stopped arguing with her. She could see the desire blazing behind his eyes, though, and wondered what that would mean for her later on.

As it turned out, the operation was to get underway later that evening so nobody was going to make it home for tea. That seemed to be the running joke among those involved, anyway. (F/N) was comforted by the presence of her friends as they entered the Ministry via Floo, and as they made their way to the lower floors where detainees awaiting transfer were often held. She instructed everyone to take their positions around the large room containing Burton’s cell, and they all tried to blot out Burton’s taunts and foul language as they waited for his ‘colleagues’ to show up.

Burton was so incensed by (F/N)’s presence that his mouth betrayed him by confirming that he was indeed expecting a ‘rescue team’. At one point, he called (F/N) a name so disgusting that Sirius had to be forcibly restrained by Moody and Haydn, out of concern that he was going to march right into that cell and break the man’s face. Sirius was nearly inconsolable in his anger, but true to form (F/N) soothed him with a kiss and some gentle words. She managed to get everyone back into position in moments, and _langlocked_ Burton’s reprehensible mouth. All that could be heard from his cell now were muffled grunts and angry, stifled screaming.

“Why don’t you just put a silencing charm on his cell?” asked Edith.

“Because I want to be able to hear his distress,” said (F/N) simply, and with a cold, unwavering stare that was fixed on the main door ahead. “It’s no less than he deserves, depraved as he is,”

“Ooh …” said Edith quietly. “You made me shiver …”

“Icy, isn’t she?” said Sirius fondly. Edith grinned at him and nodded; she never knew her friend could be so ruthless and grim – she wasn’t even like that when she got Nolan expelled. It was _wonderful_ to be working alongside someone so formidable.

“Quiet down, everyone …” said (F/N) suddenly, holding up a hand. Everyone did as they were told. Had she heard something? Seen something? (F/N) appeared, at the very least, to be as alert as a guard dog in that moment, and the wand in her hand was quite clearly at the ready. Then, as if on cue, six Death Eaters materialised in front of them in wisps of black smoke and immediately engaged the waiting Order. (F/N) had expected them to somehow bypass the rest of the Ministry in order to achieve their goal, but she had not expected there to be a Death Eater for every single Order member involved in the ambush. Spells flew everywhere with barely any time between each one, but their reflexes served them well and soon a full-blown battle ensued.

There was a great deal of (mostly incoherent) shouting, and bright, colourful lights filled the room as a variety of spells with undoubtedly unpleasant intentions shot through the air. (F/N), who was engaged in battle with a Death Eater she was _sure_ was Avery, was glad they were not outnumbered because, after a long day of planning, she wasn’t in the mood to work any harder than this.

The fight didn’t last very long. Most of the Death Eaters fled after realising they were no match for their opponents, but their swift departures did not prevent them from being followed. Haydn, Edith, Moody and Remus all gave chase in an instant, Apparating from the room with four loud, distinct cracks, leaving only Sirius and (F/N) to finish off their enemies and defend the cell containing Burton.

With something of a flourish, Sirius defeated his opponent in the very second they showed weakness or lack of concentration. They laid on the floor, flat on their back and knocked out cold, and Sirius kept them there with the Incarcerous Spell. The moment he did that, though, was the very same one in which he noticed the _other_ person standing in the room with them.

(F/N) had also noticed this other person, but she was locked in a duel that had become rather more than a simple battle of wills and strength. (F/N) did not want to kill anyone, but the turn her duel had taken made it clear that if she didn’t think of something – fast – then her hand would be forced, and she would have to kill Avery. The _only_ thing preventing her from ending that fight there and then was the fact that she wanted to stand by her principle of incapacitation before annihilation …

Her mind was swiftly made up for her, though, as a loud crack reverberated throughout the room, telling her that Sirius was now embroiled in battle with the other Death Eater, whose job was _obviously_ to sneak in and free Burton if the others were occupied. Avery’s attention faltered – bad news for him – but (F/N)’s did not, and she quickly struck him with a spell that sent him flying across the room, slamming into the opposite wall. He lay crumpled in a heap and, although (F/N) was about to bind him, an ominous prickling on the back of her neck drew her attention back to Sirius and his foe.

Even though they wore masks, (F/N) had been able to tell which Death Eaters were whom. Of course, with some of them it was a little more difficult to say for certain … but not with this one.

_Severus_ , she thought, and with that thought came a thousand others. It all happened in the space of about a second, as (F/N) somehow felt as though she could not attack her old friend, but she also could not stand by and _not_ defend Sirius. And, whether it was because of her hesitation or something else, (F/N) sensed, rather than knew, what spell Severus would cast next. She knew it probably before he did, but she knew she wouldn’t have time to cast a protective barrier in front of her partner. Instead, she did the only other thing she could think of.

She Apparated, and threw herself in front of Sirius in the blink of an eye.

There was an eerie silence. Even Burton’s muffled complaints ceased inside his cell. Sirius had been about to cast a spell of his own, but as (F/N) collapsed at his feet, bleeding from numerous, vicious cuts all over her body, the blood seeping through her clothes, he threw his wand to the side and fell to his knees at her side.

“Oh _God_ …!” gasped Sirius, holding (F/N)’s head but unsure of how to help her. “ _What the fuck did you do?!”_

Severus was at a loss. He hadn’t expected this, nor accounted for it, but he knew that he should have. (F/N) was brave, and she would protect anyone she considered a friend ...

He removed his mask and lowered his black hood. It hurt him to see someone he cared for so deeply in the arms of someone he hated, but it hurt _more_ to see the damage he’d done to her himself. She had always been supportive of his inventions, because she liked that he was able to create his own spells – something many people weren’t capable of – but _this_ one … This one had always been the one she pretended didn’t exist. It was a “nasty” spell, and he’d admitted himself that it was “for enemies” …

She was against him now, wasn’t she? Weren’t _they_ enemies? So why didn’t it feel like it, and why did it feel like two friends having a heated argument instead?

Severus pushed those thoughts from his mind because (F/N)’s eyes were flickering closed – probably so that she could save energy – and because Black was _crying._ He was talking in low, hushed tones, telling her it was going to be all right …

Even though he didn’t know the counter-spell. It was also one of Severus’ creations – he had to make a counter-curse, after all.

Severus roughly pushed his hatred for Sirius to one side and swept over to (F/N), kneeling down beside her and not caring that he was sitting in a pool of her blood – although the fact itself was distressing to him. Sirius looked at him with eyes full of fiery hatred, and he tried to defend the bleeding witch with his body.

“Haven’t you done enough?” he growled, looking as though he would dearly love to punch Severus in the throat. “How many times have you hurt her? Three? Four? The scars, the emotional trauma, now this?!”

That struck a nerve, but Severus sure as hell wasn’t going to let him know that. Now he would have loved to punch _him_ in the throat. He angrily brushed Sirius’ bloodied hands away from (F/N)’s weak, weeping body and, in the very softest of voices, began to chant the counter-spell. He moved his wand just above (F/N)’s body, whispering over and over the words “Vulnera Sanentur”, until each of the wounds knitted together and the flow of blood stopped. The deep, crimson puddle on the floor receded, and (F/N) was healed.

“She’ll need dittany to prevent any scarring …” said Severus quietly, and it was clear to Sirius that he was ruminating on what he had just done to this very good and kind – albeit ferocious – person they both cared about. With that, Severus stood and marched off the way he came, and Apparated without so much as a backwards glance.

Sirius was dumbstruck, and angrier than he had ever been in his life, but (F/N) was healed and she was going to live … He just needed to get her home so that he could treat her with the dittany as recommended. Given that he had just watched Severus perform some serious healing magic on (F/N), Sirius had no reason to doubt that dittany was what the doctor would have ordered, too. Leaving the Death Eaters behind, Sirius rose and scooped (F/N) into his arms, Apparating straight to their little Cornish cottage. He took her straight upstairs and laid her on the bed, making sure her head was fully supported by the pillows, before proceeding to rush about gathering supplies for what he knew was going to be a long, slow night ahead.

He hadn’t even thought about what they were going to tell the Order and the Ministry. That Burton hadn’t been freed (while they were there, anyway), but that (F/N) had been taken out of action by an act of sheer, dumb loyalty?

Sirius realised this was going to be a doozy when they came to give their reports …

(F/N) didn’t wake until noon the next day, and even then she was still sore. Thankfully, none of her wounds had scarred thanks to Sirius’ dutiful aftercare (and Severus’ advice), and she was even well enough to speak to James, Lily and Remus when they came to visit that evening. (F/N) soon learned that, after she and Sirius failed to report back to headquarters the previous night, everyone had been extremely worried because it wasn’t like them to simply disappear after a job.

She also learned that, at some point in the night, Sirius had sent her beloved owl, Cicero, with letters attached to his legs for the Potters and for Remus, because he knew they were the people who would want to see them first. They were mortified by the news.

“He did _what?!”_ gasped Lily in horror. She looked (F/N) over at least three more times, making sure she’d sustained no other injuries.

“Well, technically speaking, while I fucking _hate_ him for what he did, (F/N) wouldn’t have been hurt if she hadn’t tried to protect me …” said Sirius bitterly.

“It was just as well I did …” said (F/N). “He would have left you to die,”

“Wouldn’t you have healed me?” asked Sirius, sounding very hurt.

“Of course I would, but he invented that curse. I don’t know what scars you’d have been left with …”

Relieved though they had been to see each other alive and well, once (F/N) had awoken, she and Sirius had been arguing quite a lot. With Sirius’ insistences that protecting him had been both foolish and unnecessary (he was only saying that because he’d been scared out of his wits, thinking she would die), and (F/N)’s resulting indignation, there had been no shortage of ammunition for heated “discussions”.

Lily and James glanced at each other, sensing the discord between their friends. Remus, who had been looking out of the window, continued to do so out of awkwardness. Sirius sighed.

“This isn’t what we should be talking about,” he said. “We _should_ be talking about what happens next. I’m pretty sure they all got away,”

“Ours did,” said Remus, referring to his opponent the night before. “Kept Apparating like cowards … We lost them all, eventually,”

(F/N) looked at him, still staring out of the window, and felt sorry for her friend. They had all worked so hard and had been denied any glory at the end. She felt like a failure, having been asked to be the one to lead them …

Lily spotted the look on her best friend’s face and patted her knee through the duvet, for (F/N) was still bedridden. She knew that look well. “Don’t you dare blame yourself, (F/N) Castor,” she said sternly. “You are not at fault for what happened last night, and you weren’t to know what was going to happen,”

(F/N) gave a small, mirthless laugh. “Divination only seems to serve me well when _it_ likes, and not necessarily when I need it,” she said. “Then again, I suppose the whole point of having visions is so that “the Beyond” can “tell me what it wants me to know” and nothing else …”

Lily made a little clicking noise with her tongue and patted (F/N)’s leg again in sympathy. “You did amazingly, and you always do. With or without that … unseen intervention,” she said softly.

(F/N) still felt terrible, but now it was because she had been reminded of the fact that she still hadn’t breathed a word of her prophecy to her best friend. She was so sick of the fighting, so tired of keeping secrets, and most of all, of the constant danger they were all in.

The room fell very quiet. All that could be heard was the distant rush of the ocean. The lack of conversation gave (F/N) a minute or two to think, mainly about how she was going to fix last night’s disaster …

“I’m fairly sure I know who most of those Death Eaters were,” said (F/N) into the silence. She shifted slightly against her pillow. All eyes were on her again but nobody said a word, so she felt compelled to continue. “I’m thinking that, if I know who they are, and identify them to the Ministry, that might be a good way to make up for my shortcomings last night …”

Lily slapped her on the leg, again through the duvet. She looked cross. “(F/N). There _were_ no shortcomings! You weren’t to blame!”

Even Remus turned on her. His green eyes held a fire (F/N) had never seen before, and such was their intensity that it forced her to cast her mind off to when the next full moon would be … and realised it had already been and gone. What she was seeing in her friend was anger.

“Lily’s right, (F/N). None of this was your fault. No one, not even Moody, was able to bring any of them back. Don’t beat yourself up because you saved one of our own,”

Sirius looked at Remus with an odd expression, which only became odder when he noticed (F/N) blushing and looking at her hands in her lap. His discomfort subsided a little when (F/N) spoke, but not by much …

“You’ve never told me off before, Moony,” said (F/N) with a small laugh. “It’s usually this lot putting me to rights,” she added, gesturing towards Lily, Sirius and James.

“Yes, well … I thought you needed putting straight,” said Remus, smiling now. Sirius couldn’t help feeling put-out, and a little insecure. Why would (F/N) listen to Remus and not him, or Lily? He ejected the question from his mind and reached for (F/N)’s hand from where he was sitting at her bedside.

“So, anyway …” said Lily, softening up again. “Just be yourself, (F/N). You work too hard as it is, so we don’t need you burning yourself out to make up for something you’re not even guilty of,”

(F/N) sighed and nodded. “All right,” she said meekly. “But if I even get a whiff of an opportunity to bring them down, you know I will, right?”

Lily chuckled and rolled her eyes. James laughed and stood up, shaking his head in amusement. “Yeah, we know that _very_ well,” said Lily.

(F/N) was pleased that the visit ended on a high note, but that didn’t stop Sirius from making irritable little comments every now and again after their friends went home. (F/N) was getting quite cross with him, because he didn’t seem to be able to let go the fact that she had stepped in to save him from a very painful injury. She wondered if she had bruised his pride, but the more he talked about it the clearer it became that he had actually feared for her life. At one point, he confessed that he’d never seen so much blood …

Within a few days, (F/N) was back to work and she had forgiven Sirius his tetchiness, primarily because she felt bad for scaring him. To her relief, the rest of the Order seemed to feel the same way about her “failed” mission, and very little was said about it within the walls of the Ministry. Barty Crouch was disappointed that Burton had escaped, but would hear none of it when (F/N) tried to take responsibility. He had instead expressed his hatred of the Death Eaters once more (as he so often did), and told (F/N) in no uncertain terms that he was relieved to see her alive and well after such an ordeal.

(F/N) could not help but wonder, in the days and weeks that followed, what would have happened if it had been she who Severus first came into contact with when he showed up that night. The only time she allowed herself reprieve from these consuming thoughts was little Harry’s first birthday party, when she permitted herself to relax with her friends and have fun for once. However, when her beloved godson had stopped whizzing around on the toy broomstick she and Sirius had given him, and had been put to bed, the thoughts returned in force. Would he have tried to kill her? They were evenly matched, at the very least. Would she have been able to kill _him_ , if it came to it?

She decided she didn’t know, and it was best not to dwell on the potential outcomes of a situation that had long since passed.

Her mind was a curious one though, and she could not help wondering about other things when she was bored. While on yet another mission for both the Order _and_ the Ministry, her mind wandered to surmising about Severus’ reason for saving her. She was supposed to have been keeping watch over an abandoned Muggle house, whose occupants had been Obliviated by Ministry officials and moved to a different town because they were believed to be targets of another Death Eater plot. The house was now being used as a trap for whoever might show up to kill the now-evacuated residents.

Precisely nothing had happened all afternoon, and now that it was getting dark (F/N) was getting tired and starting to feel a bit lonely. Dumbledore’s advice and Barty’s orders had been specific though, and they were in agreement with one another: (F/N) was not to stay any later than eight o’clock. If nothing happened on her watch, but did happen later, there was nothing that could be done. They would simply move on to another lookout. Sadly, there weren’t enough people to go around to relieve (F/N) of her post, which was why she had gone against her instructions and had stayed until nearly half-past nine.

She didn’t hear or see anything, but just as she was about to turn around and leave she got the distinct impression that she was being watched. She stopped dead, not moving a muscle, and silently cast about for a clue as to who had joined her. It didn’t take long, and she didn’t require much assistance from her abilities as a seer to realise that she knew this presence very well.

“Hello, Severus,” she said, without turning to face him. She heard him approach but she still didn’t move, gripping her wand tightly in case he had changed enough to attack her, unprovoked.

“Hello, (F/N),” he replied, stopping at her side. He paused for a moment to consider her vantage point over the Muggle house, which was below them on a little hill, overlooked by an overpass bridge. The area was sufficiently secluded that very few cars passed them by.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, although not unpleasantly. Almost as if nothing had come between them.

“Looking for you,” he said simply.

“Why? And how _did_ you find me?”

“I need to speak to you, and it wasn’t hard; there was a plot to attack this house and I knew they would only send the best to protect it,”

(F/N) gave a quiet snort of laughter. “You flatter me,” she said, a little darkly. “Anyway, it didn’t do any good. No one showed up for the party …”

“That’s because they’re all scared of you,”

“Cowards,”

Severus simply nodded. “Although, there are a few among our number who just find you infuriating …” he said softly.

“Yes, I’ve heard,” chuckled (F/N). It was like old times, speaking to him like this. “Dear, sweet Bellatrix, for one, apparently wants to string me up like a piñata, beat me, and use my guts for bunting. Or so they say …”

Her easy manner of speaking and glib, jovial ways seemed unaffected by the war, and Severus caught himself beginning to smile. He wiped it off his face before she could see. He cleared his throat and said, “Something like that,”

“Charming,”

“She’s like that to everyone. Don’t take it personally,”

“Aw … Here I was, thinking I was special …”

Severus realised he had missed her terribly, more than he’d previously given credit for. He had needed some sort of light in his dark life and speaking to (F/N) now – although it wasn’t why he came – had been just the sort of respite he’d craved. Many times he’d wondered “what if” and, upon hearing about the reputation she’d made for herself after leaving Hogwarts, Severus had wondered all the more. He would never wish this life on someone like her though, and so contented himself with knowing that she was doing a great job on the side she belonged. He had lost her, and he had lost Lily, and they were both on the other side giving his people hell. As he always knew they would …

“What did you want to talk to me about?” (F/N) asked, breaking the silence. A cool breeze blew through, rustling their clothes as it rushed over them.

Severus was about to speak but stopped himself. To (F/N), he seemed to be struggling with his words. Then, at last, he blurted, “You’re in danger,”

“Um … I’m always in danger, Severus. I’m an Auror,”

“No, I mean … Listen. News of your achievements and your reputation have reached the ears of every Death Eater, and even the Dark Lord himself. He wants you, (F/N), and he’ll stop at nothing until you’ve been recruited …”

(F/N) paused for thought. “So _that’s_ why a bunch of your people tried to Imperius me a while ago …” she breathed. “They were trying to get me on board?”

Severus froze. He had known about that plot but had nothing to do with it. If not for that curse’s existence and his stupid ‘friends’, he might still have had a girlfriend. If _he_ hadn’t been too weak to defend her and tell them he wouldn’t do such a thing, she might have stayed with him a bit longer ... Of course, he had now done that to others and much, much worse, but he would never, ever dare to attack (F/N). On purpose, anyway …

“I suppose this has been going on for a while, then,” said (F/N), noticing Severus’ discomfort. “Nothing out of the ordinary …”

Severus rounded on her, and she saw a nameless, deep-set emotion behind his piercing black eyes. “(F/N), listen to me. If he can’t recruit you, he’ll kill you. It’s as simple as that,”

She responded with the words he least wanted to hear. “Then he’ll have to kill me, won’t he?”

Severus shook his head. “Please, (F/N). You need to hide; you need to go somewhere safe and _hide_. Somewhere he won’t find you, or even think to look …”

“… Why are you helping me?” asked (F/N), changing the subject almost completely. “And why did you help me before?”

A dark look came over Severus’ features and he turned back to look over the side of the bridge. “Do I need a reason?” he replied sourly.

“I’d say so,” said (F/N), a little crossly. His stubbornness certainly hadn’t changed. “Because it looks, for all the world, like you’re turning traitor,”

“What does it matter to you?” he shot back. “I’m trying to save your life …”

“And _I’m_ trying to figure out if this is a trap,” (F/N) snapped. “I’m approached by my Death Eater ex-boyfriend who tells me about a plot to forcibly enlist me to his apparent cause, and who tells me I should go into hiding. Wouldn’t _you_ wonder why, if it was the other way around?”

Her words cut him, but Severus wouldn’t let it show. “Because you don’t deserve to be forced to join us, and you don’t deserve to die,”

(F/N)’s expression, and her heart, softened a little. She calmed down and looked up at the sky, now inky black and bursting with stars. Her prophecy came back to her in a rush, and, just like every other time the memory returned to her, she felt as though she’d been smacked with something hard. “What if he finds me anyway?” she asked.

“Run,” said Severus. “Get away, and hide again. Just don’t fight him … Don’t let him decide what happens to you,”

(F/N) nodded sombrely. Could she do that? Could she just up and leave, and go into hiding just like that? She didn’t think she could, because it would mean abandoning her friends and allies. Severus seemed to know perfectly well what she was thinking, though, but (F/N) quickly realised she shouldn’t have been surprised.

“You’re no good to them dead, (F/N),”

That, thought (F/N), was true. Still, she wasn’t entirely sold on the idea of hiding herself away. She simply sighed and nodded again. Severus looked at her as though waiting for her to agree, but no words came. He just looked out to the horizon again, taking a moment to appreciate the silence. He didn’t know whether he’d expected (F/N) to take his advice or go against it, but now that he’d witnessed first-hand how torn she was, he really couldn’t say that it came as a shock.

He stepped away from the side-rail and turned away from (F/N). “Whatever you decide, please be careful,” he said quietly.

“I will …” said (F/N), in an equally soft voice. “Thank you, Severus … For warning me …”

Severus glanced back at her and nodded once in reply. With nothing more to say and feeling slightly awkward because of it, he took his Death Eater mask from his cloak and put it on. (F/N) shivered at the sight, still in slight disbelief that her old friend really had gone down that dark path, and watched as he disappeared in a black haze.

(F/N) decided that now was as good a time as any to move on too and so, with a final glance at the house, she Disapparated to Order Headquarters to receive her admonishments for staying longer than instructed. Dumbledore was kind, as always, and while he had not been pleased with her ‘disobedience’, even old Mad-Eye couldn’t fault her for her dedication.

Even though she was in the presence of her old headmaster, the man recognised by many as the most powerful wizard of their age, (F/N) could not bring herself to tell him that she’d crossed paths with Severus, and she couldn’t raise the subject of her prophecy again. This was something she had to deal with alone, she thought. She knew her peers would say otherwise if they were aware of what she had to contend with, but she simply could not stomach the idea of worrying anyone. Of course, Dumbledore already knew of her prophecy, but he still had faith that she could avoid that fate …

To (F/N), though, her path was becoming incredibly clear. Her prophecy … Severus’ warning … There was no doubt in her mind that any decisions made from now on would push her ever-closer to what lay at the end of this dark, winding road. That was why (F/N) thought it best to start making plans sooner rather than later.

That night she lay awake in her bed, staring at the starry ceiling and listening to Sirius’ soft breathing beside her. Every second was spent formulating the best plan she could muster that didn’t involve running away and hiding. The threat to the Potters was greater than ever, and she would be damned if she went anywhere that prevented her from doing whatever she could to protect them. In the end, (F/N)’s plan depended largely on the Potters’ own – she would hide with them. Only a few days earlier, Lily had spoken to (F/N) about the plan Dumbledore put to her and James for hiding _them_ away, since that was looking a more sensible course of action by the day.

Lily had only mentioned their ‘plan’ to (F/N) because it involved the Fidelius Charm and, as such, they would need a Secret Keeper. (F/N) had eagerly offered to take this position but Lily, who had known (F/N) would volunteer, gently refused.

“(F/N), you and Sirius will be the _first_ people Voldemort goes for,” she’d said. “I’m not willing to let you risk your life for us,”

“If he can’t find us then he can’t kill us,” (F/N) argued, but Lily wouldn’t hear it.

“No,” she told her firmly. “We’ll ask someone else, or not have a Secret Keeper at all. I will not put you in any more danger than you already are, (F/N),”

(F/N) had been devastated, but even she knew when not to argue with Lily. That had been her final word. Lily had then told her that she wanted (F/N) to know about the charm because, even though she would ‘forget’ where their home was, she wouldn’t forget them or the fact they were in hiding – she just wanted her to be informed.

It had angered both of them when James later walked in with Sirius and announced that _he_ would be their Secret Keeper instead. (F/N) was upset because she was just as close to the Potters as Sirius, yet she had been refused, but Lily was nearly savage with anger because not only had she had to turn her best friend down, but James had apparently gone against their ‘agreement’; Lily didn’t want Sirius in any more danger than she wanted (F/N) to be in.

“Do their lives not mean anything to you, James?” Lily snapped.

“Don’t you dare …” seethed James. “I forgot that was what we talked about, okay? Their lives are just as important …”

Lily cut him off and a full-blown row ensued. Sirius and (F/N) glanced awkwardly at each other and slipped out unnoticed. Sirius tried to talk to (F/N) about his new ‘appointment’ but (F/N), while not angry with Sirius, did not want to hear about it.

Things had been very different since that day. Sirius had taken (F/N)’s bad mood for jealousy and (F/N) had, in turn, become furious with him. It was as (F/N) laid awake thinking of that hectic day that she realised that night was the first all week that she and Sirius had slept in the same bed. It was also there, though, that she came to a conclusion about what she would do when the time came to … ‘hide’. There were just a few creases to iron out first, and timing would be critical …

Lily, James and Harry were not able to go into hiding until October, simply due to what (F/N) referred to as “an unfortunate alignment of the stars”. That is, Dumbledore was constantly required elsewhere from early August to late September, and even then it took a couple more weeks to rearrange everything because their previous plans were ‘outdated’. The Potters bade a tearful farewell to their closest friends and family, and had retreated once more to Godric’s Hollow, ready to be concealed from the malicious eyes of Lord Voldemort.

But (F/N)’s plan was yet to be set in motion. Since deciding what she would do to help the Potters, she had also discovered – by way of another disturbing vision – that Sirius was no longer the Potters’ Secret Keeper – _technically_. That immense responsibility had instead gone to Peter … who (F/N) could no longer trust. She knew what he was up to, but Sirius wouldn’t hear of it and neither would James or Lily, even though the three of them had always trusted in the accuracy of her visions before. The ones she’d told them about, anyway …

So, having been rendered a Cassandra by her closest friends, (F/N) concluded that her ‘secret’ plan really was the best course of action. Only one person so far knew what she intended to do, but even _he_ wouldn’t have all the details …

On the night Dumbledore was due to hide the Potters away, (F/N) stood in the kitchen of her beloved Cornish cottage, sipping a cup of coffee but feeling as though she would throw up at any moment. She was waiting for a friend, but she didn’t know who would show up first: the friend, or her partner.

She was relieved to see the former, for the simple fact that he would be able to back her up better than if she were by herself. She knew Sirius wasn’t going to take _any_ of this well …

“Remus …” said (F/N), in more of a whisper than a real voice. She put down her coffee and made her way into the living room where he was now standing, looking awkward and upset all at once. She pulled him in for a soft hug, which he returned much more desperately.

“(F/N) …” he murmured back. “(F/N), I know you won’t, but I wish you’d reconsider,”

“Remus, I can’t. I have to do this, and I wouldn’t have asked you to be a part of it if I thought you’d be in danger …”

Remus placed his hands on (F/N)’s cheeks and made her look at him. “I don’t care what happens to _me,_ ” he said adamantly. “It’s _you_ I’m worried about. They want you too, and I’m scared of what will happen if they don’t get their way …”

“I’ll be fine …” said (F/N), although she hated herself for lying to him. “I just don’t want anyone going after you because of me. That’s why I asked you to be my Keeper … I trust you with my life, and I trust you with your own …”

Remus knew what she meant. She had explained as much to him when she first asked him to be her Keeper. She would Apparate to the Potters’ house before Dumbledore cast the Fidelius Charm – they all knew about it, but anyone who wasn’t a Secret Keeper would forget the house’s whereabouts – but (F/N) would be sealed inside with James, Lily and Harry, and would be ideally placed to defend them if the worst came to pass.

(F/N) had said nothing to Remus about the fact that James and Lily had changed Secret Keepers from Sirius to Peter, because it wasn’t her place to divulge information like that. Similarly, she hadn’t told him why she thought it prudent to place herself in the same building as the Potters … She was unaware, but Remus suspected her reticence of having something to do with believing that Sirius had thrown in with the old Black family traditions, and had become the traitor the Order was now talking about. Remus secretly wondered whether this was true, too, but would not probe (F/N) on whether this was what she believed as well.

If this wasn’t the reason behind it, then Remus reasoned that it must have been because she trusted him not to get himself killed, but not Sirius.

Just as he was thinking this, the back door to the kitchen opened and Sirius called out for (F/N). “(F/N)? Where are you, love?”

“In here, Pup,”

Sirius came through to the living room and the first thing he clapped eyes on was not (F/N), but Remus. Remus had long since backed away from (F/N), and was no longer standing with her in what he realised had been quite a suggestive position. One look at Sirius’ face told Remus all he needed to know about what the man was thinking.

“Oh, hi Moony,” said Sirius casually, as though he’d forgotten they’d asked him to tea. “What brings you here?”

A loaded question, (F/N) realised. Sirius knew something was amiss. Remus, too, noticed the slightly sharper edge to Sirius’ voice and immediately felt uncomfortable. Knowing that Sirius’ question expected an answer, Remus began to stutter. (F/N) quickly stepped in, mostly because she felt sorry for her friend who was floundering under Sirius’ hard stare.

“Remus came to discuss something Order-related,” said (F/N).

“Well, make it sound even more suspicious, why don’t you?” Sirius quipped, crossing his arms. He sounded as though he could be on the verge of anger, but Remus did not miss the way his friend’s eyes twinkled when he looked at (F/N). There was softness in him yet.

(F/N) sighed. “Sorry. So, you know how the Order keeps telling me that the Death Eaters are after me, too?”

“What kind of question is that? Of course I know, it’s on my mind every day …”

“Well, I’ve decided that I will lay low … Just for a little while,” said (F/N), searching for the gentlest way of breaking the news to Sirius. For all their recent arguments and spats, she still – quite obviously – loved him dearly.

Sirius’ face fell even more, if that were possible. He nodded slowly, as if contemplating the meaning of her words. At length, he said, “And what does this have to do with Moony?”

(F/N) and Remus both noted that Sirius’ use of Remus’ nickname was more than a little strained. Still, (F/N) saw no point in trying to sugar-coat the truth any further. “I’m going under the Fidelius Charm too, Siri. Moony’s going to be my Keeper,”

(F/N) and Remus weren’t sure what they’d expected Sirius to say, but it certainly wasn’t _nothing_. He simply stared, his expression stony and his eyes were dull, as though the spirit had just left him. Eventually, he let out a short, unsettling bark of laughter.

“So I _was_ right,” he said. “Well done, Remus. Looks like you’ve won at last,”

Remus looked horrified. “What are you talking about?”

“You know _exactly_ what I’m talking about,” snapped Sirius, with a good deal more venom than before. “You’ve wanted her for years, and now you’ve got her … I just wish you hadn’t been sneaking around behind my back. If you wanted out, (F/N), why couldn’t you have just told me?”

_“What?!”_ (F/N) spluttered. “Sirius, why on earth would you accuse me of something like that? I would never …”

“Yet here we are,” growled Sirius. “The proof is here before me. If that wasn’t the case, why wouldn’t you have _me_ as your Secret Keeper?”

(F/N) was on the verge of tears, and she knew Sirius could see that. She was in utter disbelief that he would think so low of her, enough to believe that she would cheat on him – with one of their closest friends, no less! – and suggest that to be the reason why she would choose Remus over him as her Keeper. In all honesty, she was sorely offended, too …

“Because, Sirius,” said (F/N) very pointedly. “I trust Remus to keep himself safe. If I told _you_ where I was going, I don’t know that you wouldn’t come bursting in to save my life, trying to be a hero, and end up getting yourself killed!”

“Gee, thanks,” Sirius spat. “What would I need to come to the aid of the great Auror (F/N) Castor for, anyway? She’s far mightier than the rest of us lowly witches and wizards,”

“Don’t be such a fucking child, Sirius,” (F/N) bit back. As the words left her lips, she saw fresh ire igniting behind Sirius’ grey eyes. Remus flinched away from her slightly; he’d never heard her speak so sharply before. “I’m trying to keep everyone safe, _including_ you. I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone dying because of me …”

Sirius shook his head. For him, the insult of his own girlfriend being unable to trust him to keep himself safe was a bit too much for him to swallow. “Why does it always have to be you keeping people safe? I’ve said many a time how you should let people look after _you_ sometimes, and here I am, faced with the revelation that I can’t be trusted to do that!”

“Sirius, I trust you with my life, but I cannot trust you with yours and I’ll be damned if I see you killed because of me,”

Sirius shook his head again, this time at (F/N). “So you keep saying,” he said bitterly. “Fine, though. Go off and hide and do whatever it is you plan to do in the meantime, but don’t expect to find me here when you get back,”

(F/N) felt as though the wind had been knocked right out of her, and tears spilled down her cheeks as Sirius turned his back on her. “Sirius … no, please don’t …”

“Sirius, come back. You’ve got it all wrong, this isn’t how …” Remus tried calling after him too, but the kitchen door slammed and Sirius was gone into the deepening night. Remus turned back to (F/N) to see her completely broken, hunched over in a standing position and clutching her stomach as though she’d been stabbed, and covering her face with her other hand.

There was no need for words as Remus rushed back to her and pulled her into the warmest, most reassuring embrace he could manage. She was a lot smaller than him anyway, but she felt so little and meek at that moment that he became concerned that she would physically break. He didn’t care that she was crying into his shirt and getting it wet, nor the fact that, despite her outwardly frail appearance, she was now squeezing him within an inch of his life in her desperation for human contact. He certainly didn’t care about the fact that he loved her but she was crying over another man.

All that mattered was that she knew someone still had time for her, who was patient with her despite all her mysteries, and who absolutely would not abandon her when she needed her friends the most.

“Shh …” whispered Remus, rubbing (F/N)’s shaking back. “It’ll be okay. He’ll see sense soon enough, mark my words …”

“I don’t think there’s time for that, Moony,” (F/N) sniffed. “… But thank you all the same,”

“What do you mean?” he asked gently.

(F/N) looked up and gave him a weak, bleary-eyed smile. “I’ve got to go …”

It was Remus’ turn to shake his head. “Please don’t …” he whispered. “I can hide you … We can all protect you. You don’t need to go and hide with Lily and James …”

“Yes I do, Remus. You know why,”

He was silent as (F/N) pulled away, backing further into the living room. He remembered all of (F/N)’s explanations about her plan, but that didn’t stop him from hurting to see her preparing to leave. She was taking nothing with her (apparently she always had provisions at the Potters’ in the event of needing to stay), so she was ready to Disapparate right there and then.

“You’ll come and find me when this is over, won’t you? Let me know you’re all safe …”

“… Of course I will, Moony,” she whispered, trying not to cry again. She seriously contemplated telling him about her prophecy, but quickly sobered up and decided against it. Not only would that torture the poor man, but it could also incriminate him if she really did die, and if he was her Secret Keeper …

She rushed forward and gave him one last hug. “Thank you, Remus. For everything you are, and everything you do. You … are the truest friend and the purest soul, no matter what you or anyone else may think of you. Don’t ever change,”

Remus was so touched by her words that he found himself unable to utter a response. She backed away again, this time for good, gave him another small smile, and with a small _pop_ she was gone.

Remus was left standing alone in (F/N) and Sirius’ living room, with no one but his own thoughts for company. He Disapparated quicker than he ever had in his life, not wanting to be there a moment longer.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The finale. This chapter is a lot shorter than its predecessors.

(F/N), still devastated by the events of that evening, arrived in the Potters’ attic by mistake. She hadn’t been paying attention and counted herself extremely lucky that she hadn’t splinched herself instead. She heard someone moving around just below her though, and within moments the attic door was opened and James was staring at her in complete confusion.

“Hi, I’m your new ghoul …” said (F/N) drily, making an attempt at humour.

“(F/N)? What the hell are you doing up here?” James blinked several times as though he thought she might disappear at any moment. “You know what’s going on out there …”

“Yeah, yeah … Dumbledore’s casting the spell on your house right now,” said (F/N), following him down the ladder and out of the attic. James took a good look at her now they were standing in the light, and his expression morphed from confusion to deep concern.

“Oh my god, what happened to you? Are you all right?”

(F/N) realised her eyes must still have been very red and puffy from crying, but didn’t know how to tell James what had happened at home. He hadn’t even asked why on earth she was in Godric’s Hollow, and why she was there _after_ the charm had been placed over the house.

“(F/N)?”

Lily was standing on the stairs, staring in amazement at her best friend who she certainly hadn’t expected to see for quite some time.

“Hey, Lil …”

“What are you doing here?! The charm’s been cast; you shouldn’t be here! How did you …”

“I heard her Apparate into the attic,” said James. “That’s why I came up to have a look. Why _were_ you in the attic, anyway?”

“It was an accident … I meant to Apparate to the kitchen,” said (F/N). “I – I wanted to be here for you all, because … Well, you know why,”

“Oh, (F/N) …” gasped Lily, running up the rest of the stairs to hug her. “You really shouldn’t have … We’re safe now,”

(F/N) sniffled into her shoulder in response. Lily leaned back and eyed her worriedly.

“(F/N), what’s wrong?”

“Sirius didn’t take it well. He broke up with me,”

Lily looked horrified. _James_ looked horrified. They both hugged her and ushered her downstairs in a jiffy, sat her down in the living room and Lily rushed off to make her coffee while James stayed to look after their unexpected guest. They talked to her about the situation for several long hours, late into the night, and neither of them could quite get their head around the fact that Sirius had left her over something that was ultimately so trivial.

(F/N) explained her plan to her friends who, in the end, completely understood her decision and even came to accept it. Neither James nor Lily liked the thought of a friend being in imminent danger – or any kind of danger, for that matter – and so their overriding sentiment was that now she was in their home, (F/N) was safe from Voldemort too. When she explained that Remus was her Secret Keeper, they agreed even more because he didn’t actually know where the house was anymore.

“It’s a good plan, (F/N),” said James. “We’re all going to be all right,”

(F/N) forced herself to smile and nod in agreement. Of course, she knew exactly what was lurking just around the corner for her. She could only pray that she could change how it all played out for her friends. _That_ was why she was there. _That_ was why she would not leave them.

Lily helped get the spare room ready – incidentally, the room (F/N) always slept in when she stayed at the Potters’ – and stayed with her a while longer to talk to her about what had happened that evening. All (F/N) had brought with her was her wand, because she had spare clothes and toiletries in a ‘bottomless trunk’ in that room.

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it, honey …” said Lily gently, placing a reassuring hand on (F/N)’s knee. “Just you wait, as soon as we’re out of the woods, he’ll come right back to you …”

“Lil, he thought I was having an affair with Remus,” said (F/N) bleakly.

“Well, I know he’s been a bit … paranoid. Especially these last few months. But that’s no reason to accuse you of such a thing; you’ve never given him an excuse to believe that you’re actually having it away with Moony behind his back,”

“Exactly, and that’s why I don’t think he’ll be back any time soon. Because it came as “such a shock” to him,”

Lily crossed her arms. “I can’t believe he’d be like that towards you. He worships you … It just doesn’t make sense that he’d just walk out like that. What an ass …”

(F/N) smirked. “Don’t worry, I’m starting to get used to it. Maybe I should just fly solo for a while, see where that gets me,”

Lily grinned, feeling as though things were starting to slip back into their normal groove. “A strong, independent woman also being strong, free and single? You’ll have men fawning over you left, right and centre!” she laughed.

“Yeah, right. If I don’t scare them all away first,”

Both women laughed, and the tense atmosphere shattered like glass. “You’ll be all right, (F/N),” said Lily kindly. “And when he inevitably comes slinking back with his tail between his legs, you’ll be able to put him right one way or another,”

(F/N) smiled properly for the first time all evening. “Thanks, Lil. I really, really appreciate it … And you letting me stay with you, of course,”

“Of course, (F/N). I wouldn’t have it any other way. You get some sleep now, okay? And make sure you get a good lie-in – I won’t have you up and about at the crack of dawn as usual,”

(F/N) pouted and Lily chuckled. “Goodnight, Lil,”

“Goodnight, (F/N),”

(F/N) watched her go and as she closed the door behind her. She hadn’t realised how tired she was, but as soon as she laid her head down on the pillow she fell asleep straight away. She even forgot to turn out the light.

Over the next couple of days, (F/N) managed to put the negative thoughts from her mind. This was mostly thanks to Harry, whose giggling and playfulness had been preserved by his childish innocence. He was a welcome distraction from the horrors going on outside. He was so sweet, and so untainted by the world that (F/N) could have lost herself in his ramblings for hours. It was only when he had to be put to bed for a nap or when it was nighttime that (F/N) found herself thinking of all the unpleasant things that otherwise plagued her mind.

(F/N) thought of Sirius often. What she did not know, of course, was that he had returned to their home only a couple of hours after their argument and had searched high and low for her, in the hope she would be around there somewhere. When he finally accepted that she had gone, he sat down and just stared into space. He contemplated finding Remus and getting him to divulge (F/N)’s whereabouts to him, before realising that would be a completely fruitless task because there was no chance that Remus would ever betray (F/N)’s trust.

Peter came to visit Godric’s Hollow quite a few times, but under no circumstance would (F/N) let him see her. She knew that something was very wrong, and she didn’t want him to have any additional reasons to turn tail and report that she was there, too. She was constantly on-edge, wondering if, or when, something was going to happen. She had taken to fiddling with her wand in the evenings while sitting quietly in her room, almost as though she could be a prisoner palming a knife instead. She jumped at every little noise …

(F/N) missed the little things, even though she’d only been in hiding a couple of days. She missed Cicero and Aeolus. She missed her other friends, and wondered what they were all doing. She hoped they were safe. She often tired herself out thinking about everything, and would wake up with a headache …

It wasn’t long before she worked out the real reason behind the headaches, though. The extreme, pent-up anxiety and her inability to perform any substantial magic were the most probable suspects – because she was in a house, the spells that worked best for alleviating her ‘magical tension’ were likely too dangerous to be cast indoors. Still, she contented herself with just being with her god-family, sitting and watching TV (a delightfully Muggle thing to do) or playing with Harry – because the boy had no off-switch whatsoever.

It was Saturday night, and Harry had just yawned for the first time all day. His parents had been desperate for some respite, as he’d refused his afternoon nap and had been insistent on playing for hours and hours instead, either making a mess of the living room or zooming around on his toy broom. Lily was relieved to finally be able to put him to bed.

“I’ll make him a bottle while you take him up, Lil,” said (F/N) quietly. Lily smiled and mouthed a “thank you” as she carefully bundled the now-sleeping toddler into her arms. She began discussing something in hushed tones with James while (F/N) prepared Harry’s nightly bottle in the kitchen. Outside, she could hear children trick-or-treating at the other houses around them, celebrating Hallowe’en.

Lily had just managed to get Harry comfortably into her arms and was only a couple of steps up the staircase, when suddenly there was an almighty bang at the front door. James leaped up from the sofa and barred the corridor between the door and the stairs in less than a second.

“Lily, it’s him! Take Harry and run! Go!” he shouted.

(F/N) bolted into the other room with her wand drawn, but the first thing she registered was not how Voldemort had just forced entry – or the fact that he was there at all – but the fact that James, one of her closest friends, was unarmed. She raised her wand and made to cast a shield over him but it was too late – Voldemort had already cast his curse, and James fell to the floor.

(F/N) heard – faintly, because she was too horrified by what had just happened – a door slam shut upstairs as Lily took refuge with her baby. An appalling, searing, splitting pain ripped through (F/N)’s head as her powerful emotions and repressed magic combined to cause her great anguish, but even that curdled with the immense agony and guilt she now felt because James was dead. There he lay, on the floor of his own house, lifeless and limp as though there had never been a soul inside him in the first place. _He_ was the one (F/N) had seen in her vision … and she had failed to protect him.

An abominable anger bubbled up and erupted from within. (F/N) hadn’t even been listening to Voldemort as he tried, personally, to sway her over to his side in the war. In a blind fury, (F/N) saw only red and heard a loud, persistent ringing in her ears, along with her furious pulse. Voldemort’s words were lost on her, and she fired several powerful spells at him in rapid succession. She was too enraged to notice, but the black-robed man had difficulty in deflecting them all.

“If that is how you want it, (F/N) Castor, then so be it,” said Voldemort calmly. This infuriated her further, and the barrage of lethal spells that he was bombarded with were perfect proof of that anger. However, Voldemort being the wizard he was, had no trouble with sending a few of his own straight back.

(F/N) fought valiantly against this hated Dark wizard. She paid no thought to backing down; all that mattered now was that she held him off long enough for Lily and Harry to escape. She didn’t even remember her prophecy. She deflected spell after spell, often engaging Voldemort in long, exhausting impasses where their spells would lock against each other.

“You are powerful, (F/N), and wasted with the Order and the Ministry. Do you know what greatness you could attain if only you would break those chains that bind you to your misplaced honour?”

“I will take honour, dignity, and _loyalty_ over greatness any day,” (F/N) spat. Another spell, this time a conjuration of the hottest, angriest flames known to wizardkind (with the exception of Fiendfyre), flew towards Voldemort and would have burned him severely if not for his quick shielding charm.

Suddenly another white-hot, blinding pain shot through (F/N)’s whole body, wracking her to her core, and stopping her in her tracks. This was not the Cruciatus Curse but it certainly may as well have been; the pain was unlike anything she’d ever suffered before. She recognised this … This was her own power – her own magic – doing this to her. Her sadness and guilt and anger over James’ death flooded back in force, like a river bursting its banks, and the feelings overwhelmed her at once.

The next thing she knew, though, the pain was no longer focused in her skull. Her insides no longer felt like they were on fire. Instead, there was a vicious stinging at her throat that she only remembered feeling on one other occasion, and that had been in a dream, of sorts …

She reached up to touch the area and it felt wet. She was suddenly short of breath, and the stinging in her throat turned to intense pain again. She looked at her hand – the one she’d put to her throat – and saw it covered with blood. (F/N) staggered backwards and tried to gasp but it was no use – all that came out was an ugly, pitiful rasp. The pain, she realised, only existed because she now knew her throat had been cut. Voldemort had been very deliberate with the spell that did it.

Her back hit the wall and she slid down, her wand falling into her lap. She clutched at her neck with one hand, protecting the wand she was now too weak to wield with the other. Voldemort approached noiselessly and stared down at her with his merciless red eyes, as though viewing a lamb being put to slaughter.

“Such a pity it had to come to this,” he said softly. “You did quite well – better than expected, at any rate. Now, though, it is time to say farewell. I wonder if they will recall you fondly, or whether your failure to protect your friends will taint their memory of you …”

(F/N) tried to rasp something at him, but spluttered as blood gurgled up into her mouth. Her eyes began to well with tears.

“Come, my dear. Let’s not have you crying, now. Remember what you said about keeping your dignity, among other things …” said Voldemort, taunting her even then. “You know …” he went on, making for the stairs. (F/N) tried desperately to stop him, but her magic failed her as the room became darker and blurrier. “… I find you quite tragic. To think, you fought so hard and loved so fiercely, but in the end it was all for nought. You love the Potters, yet tonight they all shall die; your own parents left you long ago, as did your aunt; I have been told that you loved Sirius Black, yet he left you too. And, of course, you loved Severus Snape, but it was not _you_ he begged me to save … but your darling friend, upstairs,”

(F/N) could only blink. Clearly not content with killing her with a spell, he would also seek to kill her with words.

“Just as I, (F/N), you were never loved. People may have spoken the words, but in the end they all abandoned you for someone or something else. Someone who is loved is not abandoned by those they care for, surely?”

(F/N), although knowing that the Potters would not leave her willingly, could not help doubting herself on all other counts. Did her loved ones love her? Had _anyone_ loved her?

She tried to call out as he swept upstairs. She started to cry, knowing what would happen if Lily hadn’t managed to get away with Harry. She cried for James, lying dead only a few feet away. Nothing else occurred to her, though, except thoughts of her best friend and beloved godson, either upstairs or – hopefully – somewhere far, far away now …

Her vision went black from the edges, slowly fading into the middle, and her muscles began to feel loose and warm, as if she’d had a couple of drinks. She was still crying but she felt, for all the world, as if someone had wrapped a warm blanket around her and was coaxing her off to sleep.

Tired and weak, but no longer in pain, (F/N) allowed herself to explore the dreams that came to her. A forest, with fairies and dragons and even hippogriffs, this time, appeared before her and a gentle summer breeze rustled her hair and clothes. A whisper could be heard floating upon it, and while it remained unintelligible, she permitted it to lead her away. (F/N) may still have had tears in her eyes but she wasn’t there to witness the aftermath of Voldemort’s attack.

She was long gone into her childhood dream, swept away on the familiar breeze.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so marks the end of Part 1. I don’t have many words to share because, having spent so long writing this story and having it come to such an abrupt end, I feel genuinely aggrieved. The ending notwithstanding, I hope you enjoyed the story and I really hope you stick around for Part 2 (and the Epilogue I have planned)!
> 
> I would also like to take a moment to thank all of you lovely readers for coming this far, and for all of your much-appreciated support. Your interest in the story and the comments left has filled me with so much encouragement that I cannot begin to thank you enough, so I hope these words will do.
> 
> I will do my very best to give you all a Part 2 as soon as I possibly can!
> 
> All my love,
> 
> SooperChicken ❤️
> 
> P.S.: If you’re dramatic like me, and like to listen to music that fits the atmosphere while you read or write, check out the piece ‘dark tree’ by Carlos Cipa (https://youtu.be/4pOuj50u8_g). It’s what I was listening to while I wrote the final chapter, and indeed some of the other, more intense ones.


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